


Scar Tissue (Part Two)

by Faith



Series: Scar Tissue [2]
Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Depression, Drug Addiction, F/F, PTSD, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-01-13
Updated: 2014-04-13
Packaged: 2017-10-29 11:34:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 185,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/319440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Faith/pseuds/Faith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Arizona Robbins’ brother dies in Iraq, her life takes off in a completely different direction. Now a highly-rated trauma surgeon with the United States Marine Corps, she spends the three years following his death serving their country overseas – until an insurgent attack leaves her with debilitating injuries. Traveling to Seattle at her father’s request, she falls under the care of orthopedic surgeon Dr. Calliope Torres. Damaged emotionally and physically, Arizona tries to start the healing process with the help of a headstrong woman she never saw coming.</p><p>Part Two:  Now free from the confines of a hospital bed for the first time in almost five months, Arizona begins her physical and emotional recovery while navigating a budding yet rocky relationship with Callie Torres.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 13

_April 18th, 2009_

 

The day following her release from the hospital was not the pleasant, relaxing kind that Arizona had envisioned it being. She didn’t spend it lazing in bed while reading a book; she didn’t have the chance to go out and run errands like picking up a cellphone, buying groceries, or getting her hair cut.

She spent the first twenty-four hours of her freedom in agony.

The last dose of painkillers she had received before leaving Seattle Grace was strong enough to dull it for a while, but only until Callie dropped her off at the motel. As soon as it wore off and she was left with her substantially weaker prescription, it increased ten-fold.

Arizona was aware that it probably had something to do with the rain. People always complained about joint pain when it rained, and even though she’d never experienced it before, her new knee was definitely throwing a tantrum now. The damaged muscles in her calf were throbbing even harder than the joint itself; her leg felt as though someone was in the process of slicing it open with a scalpel all over again and the cast meant there was nothing she could do about it.

Instead of reading or watching television to relax, she lay there in the dark, drenched in a cold sweat and shaking as she tried to fight through it. She threw up around three o’clock in the morning, mostly likely from taking prescription narcotics on an empty stomach, but she had zero appetite and no food around except for the vending machines by the front office. She stuffed down a few granola bars just so she didn’t waste away and nearly threw those up, too. It was a miserable experience.

The next time she woke up to daylight, it was almost thirty hours after Callie had dropped her off and she had completely forgotten about dinner with Teddy the night before – until a loud knock sounded against the front door.

Arizona debated ignoring whoever it was, but the banging continued and she heard a muffled voice yell her name from the other side. Groaning pitifully, she managed to crawl out from underneath the tangle of sweat-soaked bed sheets, grabbing one of her crutches and stumbling awkwardly towards the door. She pulled it open and recoiled, squinting against the excruciatingly bright sunlight she was unexpectedly met with.

Teddy paused to take in the sight. Arizona looked like she hadn’t brushed her hair in a week – it was haphazardly thrown into a ponytail and sticking out in every direction. She had dark circles the size of baseballs under her eyes, and she looked clammy and shaky. She had been sleeping in a ratty old tank top that was worn and stretched out of shape, and apparently had no qualms about answering the door in her underwear.

“Jesus Christ,” Teddy exclaimed, starting at the blonde in disbelief. “You look like hell.”

“Fuck you,” Arizona mumbled tiredly, rubbing her eyes with the heel of her palm.

“Are you okay?” Teddy asked, worried. They’d lived in the desert together, they’d been through war, and never, even after she was injured, had she seen Arizona look so terrible, so unlike herself.

“I’m really not in the mood to be social, Teddy, I’m sorry. What do you need?” Arizona’s eyelids were drooping, half asleep where she stood, and she was massaging her thigh like she tended to when she was in pain. She brought her other hand up and dug her fingers into her forehead, groaning at the added pressure.

“You missed dinner last night and I got worried when I didn’t hear anything. And since you don’t have a phone number yet, I drove over here with leftovers,” Teddy answered, waving a Zip-Loc bag with hamburgers, buns and various condiments in Arizona’s face. Arizona barely acknowledged the food. “Have you even eaten anything since Callie dropped you off?”

Arizona shook her head and shifted her weight with a sharp intake of breath. “Not really. My prescription made me sick and I didn’t really feel up to eating anything after.” She swayed in place, tightening her grip on the crutch. “I just – I really need to go back to bed. This whole standing thing isn’t going so well.”

“You should have told me, I would’ve been here sooner,” Teddy scolded, pushing inside and closing the door behind her. “Or maybe you should have told Callie. I’m sure she would’ve been happy to take care of you.”

Arizona lifted her eyes to meet her friend’s and after a few seconds passed she actually smiled. It was barely there but Teddy caught it before it disappeared as quickly as it came.

“I would’ve, but I needed to prove to myself that I could be remotely normal on my own, at least for one night. Besides, she’s already been so supportive. I didn’t want to ask more of her than she’s already given,” Arizona said with a shrug, looking down almost shyly. Despite her exhaustion, there was an unmistakable sparkle in her eyes that had been missing for almost five months now.

Teddy couldn’t help but feel a surge of hope – Arizona’s softness was gradually starting to return. Three months ago she would have shot back with a curse or some smartass remark rather than acknowledge what was going on between her and Callie. Arizona had never been the type of person to let others take care of her, but maybe, just maybe, that was starting to change.

Seeing the person she used to know, even if she looked tired beyond her years, Teddy closed the distance between them and pulled Arizona into a sudden, fierce hug.

“Uh–” Arizona stiffened and awkwardly patted her on the shoulder. “What’s this for? You aren’t usually a hugger.” Met with silence, she tried to squirm out of the grasp but was squeezed harder. “Jesus, Teddy, are you high? Let go already.”

And she was back.

Teddy grinned. “I’m just really proud of you, that’s all. After everything that’s happened, you’ve come a long way.” She pulled back, holding Arizona at arms length.

Arizona looked at her as though she’d sprouted two heads but Teddy didn’t care, instead choosing to wander further into the dark hotel room, open the blinds and set their lunch on the table. “Callie cares about you, and just because she isn’t your surgeon anymore doesn’t mean she won’t want to make sure you’re all right. Let her be here for you. It’ll make you feel better and it’ll make _me_ feel better knowing one of the best orthopedic surgeons in the country is keeping an eye on you.”

Arizona shot her a tiny grin and rolled her eyes, heading back to the bed and pulling the sheets up. “Speaking of – she asked me to move in with her.”

“ _What?_ ”

Arizona snorted at Teddy’s priceless expression. “It was actually kind of sweet. She and...Cristina, I think her name is? They have a three bedroom apartment and she offered me the third room. Said a surgeon shouldn’t be living in a dump like this. She even made a joke about being afraid I would think it was U-Hauling or something, and tried to make it perfectly clear that it wasn’t. It was cute.”

“Cute?” Teddy’s brow ticked as she watched Arizona collapse back into bed. Even in the dim lighting she looked like crap. She really needed to start eating more now that she was out of the hospital, otherwise Teddy was worried she would waste away completely.

“I can’t believe you actually admitted that she was ‘cute’. Three weeks ago you told me to go screw myself when I hinted that you were staring at her every time she walked into the room.”

Arizona blushed as she dropped her crutch to the floor and scooted backwards, coming to a rest against the headboard. “About that. I don’t think I was a whole lot of fun while on drugs and cooped up like a caged animal. I’m so sorry I was so cranky with you all the time.”

“I’m a big girl, I can handle it,” Teddy chuckled. “I’m just glad to see you’re doing – actually, you don’t look like you’re doing better at all. Can I do anything?”

Arizona placed a hand on her stomach and grimaced. “I don’t know. I haven’t eaten in over a day. I don’t think I could keep anything down for very long.”

“You won’t know until you try,” Teddy pointed out. “Part of the nausea might be _because_ you didn’t eat before taking your pills.”

Speaking of, Arizona was due for another dose any time now, but she was hesitant to take more. She had tried to avoid them the night before, then ended up caving in when the pain got so bad she wanted to cry.

“I think I’m gonna pass on the pills for now, see if I can hold off for a couple of hours at least.” She massaged her thigh some more and took in a deep, shaky breath. “I already look and feel like I got hit by a bus, I don’t need to turn myself into a drooling, addicted vegetable zombie.”

Teddy shook her head. “At least try to eat something. I made the burgers myself and they’re turkey, so there’s almost no grease and it shouldn’t hurt your stomach. Maybe go light on the ketchup and mustard.”

Arizona nodded, ignoring the churning in her stomach because she knew she’d slip into a coma if she didn’t eat something soon. “Thanks.”

As Teddy prepared the food, she watched the exhausted Marine out of the corner of her eye. She saw Arizona poke at the cast, then tenderly inspect her swollen knee. Teddy’s eyes were drawn to the green scrawl written across the plaster and she immediately grinned. “Nice job, Robbins. She wrote her number where you wouldn’t lose it.”

Arizona looked up, smiling sheepishly. “She did. It was sexy.” Oh boy, was it ever. She could remember Callie’s hand on the back of her thigh when she thought back to that moment, how her fingers had squeezed with just the right amount of pressure to leave her wanting more. And when she thought back to that kiss...

“So.” Teddy sat on the edge of the mattress and handed over a paper plate. “Are you going to U-Haul with the sexy woman that clearly wants to get in your pants?”

Arizona blushed furiously and busied herself with staring at her food. “I don’t know. I mean, that’s a lot of pressure, isn’t it? To be living together and dating at the same time? It’s not normal.”

“Since when have you ever done ‘normal’?”

Arizona snorted and raised the turkey burger to her lips. It smelled mouth-wateringly good, even cold. “Touché.” She took a bite and instantly fell in love with Teddy for coming over and feeding her. Best friend she ever had.

After chewing and swallowing, she continued. “I don’t know. Maybe? I’m good here for a little while, and like I said, I don’t want to put too much pressure on either of us.”

“I take it that means you’re planning on seeing her again?”

For the life of her, Arizona could not hide the goofy grin that spread across her face. “Considering the way we left things, you’d better believe I plan on seeing her again.” She looked at Teddy and raised a suggestive eyebrow.

Teddy tipped her head back and laughed. “You weren’t even discharged for more than five minutes before you put the moves on her. That’s awesome.”

Arizona couldn’t help it, she giggled and took another bite of the burger. “What else was I supposed to do? She was being all chivalrous and walked me to my door. I had to do something to repay her kindness.” She shivered just thinking about the intensity of that kiss and how much she wanted to do it again.

“I guess I should pick you up a phone, then,” Teddy mused. “You don’t want to keep her waiting too long. I can stop by the mall later today and set something up for you. I’m sure the ‘wounded soldier’ story will get you a decent discount.”

Arizona smiled crookedly. “Thanks, Teddy. Just don’t get me anything pink.”

Teddy raised an eyebrow. “Arizona, you used to have a pink cellphone. With a unicorn sticker on the back.”

Arizona rolled her eyes. “Yeah, but now I have an image to keep up. I’m a tough Marine with a heart of stone, remember? I can’t let Calliope see me with a pink cellphone. That girl is hardcore, she’ll crush my bones if I come out looking all girly and meek.”

Teddy laughed and held up a hand in surrender. “Okay, okay. I’ll make sure you get a macho cellphone and I won’t bedazzle it or anything.”

They finished their lunch around friendly chatter and small talk, which was a nice change from deafening silence. Arizona relaxed and did her best to ignore the swell of pain that was starting to rise from her leg again. She managed to convince Teddy that she was okay and just needed a little more sleep, seeing her to the door a short time later.

“I’ll stop by tonight with your phone and some groceries. If you need anything else, call me from the room line.”

Arizona nodded. “Will do. Thanks again for being awesome.”

Teddy hesitated, pausing in the doorway. “You should call your father, I know he wants to hear from you. I haven’t spoken to him,” she quickly added before Arizona could get defensive, “but he’d want to know that you’re out now.”

Arizona bit her lip and shrugged. “I’ll think about it. Long distance charges and all.”

“So call collect.”

Arizona rolled her eyes and sighed. “We’ll see. Now go before I pass out on you and I’ll see you tonight. Make sure you bring chocolate or I’m not letting you in again.”

Teddy mock-saluted and left. The blonde closed the door behind her and sagged back against it. She felt a little bit better now with some food in her belly but she wanted to be unconscious again before the pain increased.

She hobbled over to the nightstand with one crutch and sat down on the edge of the bed, opening up the drawer and pulling out her prescription bottle. She fiddled with it between her fingers, thinking. There was a moment where she debated taking one, but after a long hesitation she put them back and turned away.

With a heavy groan, she pulled her busted leg onto the bed, crawled under the covers and settled in against the lumpy, uncomfortable pillow. She didn’t fall deeper than a half sleep as the steady, rising ache from her torn muscles began to throb in tune with the beating of her heart.

***

Arizona’s obscure sleeping pattern over the last few days had completely thrown off her body clock. She slept until almost five in the afternoon, then found herself wide awake from that point onward. Teddy called the room phone to inform her that she wouldn’t be able to get her a cell until the next day, so for now she was stuck without communication that wouldn’t cost her $4.99 per minute.

She couldn’t stop thinking about Callie – their unbelievable kiss or the way it had felt when she’d held her in the rain. Butterflies the size of bald eagles fluttered erratically in her stomach and she found herself grinning like a fool every time the brunette popped into her head.

It seemed so silly to have ever doubted how she felt about Callie. They had both been stuck with the mentality that ‘it’ – whatever ‘it’ was – was over the moment she got discharged from the hospital. Apparently they had both been too stupid to realize that they could finally try something more than a strict doctor-patient friendship. Arizona couldn’t help but think that she’d have been a lot less stressed out if she had clued into that fact sooner rather than later.

She kept looking down at her leg and the eloquent scrawl written over the plaster cast, unable to stay focused on the lame 1940s movie she was trying to watch on TV. It made her think that she should be watching it with Callie, even though it was well past their old lunch date time.

She bit her lip and glanced at the bedside table, frowning when the clock only read 7:55 PM. Callie would still be working and she really didn’t want to have a short, non-existent conversation over a crappy motel phone that was probably covered with SARS or tuberculosis. Her eyes settled on the pad of paper and pen sitting next to it, the standard stationary every room came with. It was old and yellowing, but it would do.

Arizona flicked off the TV and reached over to pick up both, testing the pen to make sure there was some ink left before settling back against the headboard to write.

She wasn’t always good at verbal communication when she was emotional. If she was angry, she couldn’t think straight and never managed to get out what she wanted to say, and that frustration usually made her cry. If she was sad, she couldn’t bring herself to speak without having to waste all of her energy trying not to break down. And when she was happy – especially how she felt whenever she was with Callie – she was speechless entirely.

Serving overseas had introduced her to the art of letter writing. Telephone communications with loved ones back home were few and far between, if existent at all. She wasn’t particularly amazing at it, but it allowed her to get her thoughts down on paper without interruptions. It started with her brother, when he was deployed for six to eight months at a time back in his early twenties. She wrote to him every day about her life, about her thoughts, about their parents. Even when there wasn’t anything to tell him, she wrote anyway. It would take months for him to even receive the letters and most of the time she received a bundle from him somewhere in between. There were times when they had internet access and the capabilities to send email, but she always found it a little too impersonal. There was just something about putting a pen to paper and writing out the thoughts running through her mind that made it special. In her opinion, not enough people did it these days.

Tim was a funny guy. He always made her laugh whenever she read about the stunts or pranks he’d pulled on his unit, and she could just picture the goofy grin he wore that let him get away with murder. Growing up, Arizona had never been able to lie very well and it almost always got the two of them into trouble. All Tim had to do was flash that smile of his and he would be more likely to get rewarded than punished – her twin brother just had that type of personality. He was a charmer with the ladies. As they got older, it turned out they both were.

Even after he died she wrote to him. Things that were important to her, things that were on her mind, good or bad. Since her relationship with her parents had been scarce these last few years, Arizona still needed to tell someone about her life, so she wrote letters to her deceased twin brother and imagined that he was still alive to read them.

She kept them in a lockbox at home and they were now sitting in storage along with the rest of her things. She never re-read them once they were finished and sealed shut. Now, here she was again with a pad of paper on her lap, chewing thoughtfully on the edge on the pen as she mulled over what she wanted to say.

For the first time that she could remember, the letter wasn’t addressed to Timothy – it was addressed to Calliope. She loved the brunette’s full name and how easily it rolled off her tongue whenever she said it out loud.

 

 _Calliope,_

 

Arizona leaned back against the creaky headboard and thought. She wasn’t sure what she wanted to say or if there was anything specific she felt the need to write down. She just knew that she missed Callie, that she was thinking about her constantly, and that the thought alone of seeing her smile again made her heart sing and her leg hurt a little less. Callie made her happier than she could ever remember being.

Well, that was a start.

 

 _Calliope,_

 _It’s been two days since I last saw you, since I last kissed you. I’m sitting here in a dark and empty room without any real means of communication, so I’ve decided to write you this letter. Cheesy, right? I promise this isn’t a ploy to make you swoon or to get into your pants – although either response is completely acceptable and generally encouraged._

 _I’ve never been very good at expressing my thoughts or feelings verbally, something that I’m sure you’ve noticed by now. Instead I write them down, all at once, where I can say everything I need to say and not worry about anything getting in my way. Like my own verbal clumsiness, or the fact that I tend to get distracted by the way you smile at me. Even the ‘look’ you sometimes give me that tells me you think I’m being a moron is enough to stop me in my tracks._

 _It hasn’t exactly been a picnic since you left. Getting away from the hospital has been wonderful, though – sleeping in a bed that I can actually roll over in without hitting my elbows on a guardrail or tangling myself around an IV cord has been nice. So maybe it is a little bit of a picnic, just...a picnic with ants or something._

 _Mostly, I’ve been missing you. I miss watching stupid movies or ridiculous game shows together and mocking the people who fail at them. I miss waiting for you to walk in that door and hand me a big, juicy burger and a heartattack-inducing milkshake that’s just about the greatest thing I’ve ever tasted._

 _I miss when you’re frustrated and unsure of a tough case that’s been thrown your way, and we spend an hour of your free time hashing it out and coming up with a plan. Although, face it, you’ll never have a more difficult patient than me and we both know it. I like to think that dealing with me has prepared you for anything, especially now that you’re an attending. You’re going to need those skills. There are plenty of chronic pain patients out there who like to give their doctors lip and now you know exactly how to handle them. (To be clear, I mean stealing their crutches and giving them your sternest glare, not crawling into bed and making time for movie dates.)_

 _I haven’t been able to sleep much. The pain has been keeping me awake, but not to worry. I got myself into this mess and I promised you I’d stick it out. The few times I have been able to catch some shut-eye, I dream about you. About the way your lips tasted, how your body felt pressed into mine. I dream about doing it again and that, somehow, it’s even better than it was the first time (which will be pretty hard to top)._

 _No one else has ever made me feel the way you do and that scares me. Admitting that scares me. But it’s the kind of scared I’m willing to force myself not to turn away from. I’ve done too much of that in my life. You’re the first person I’ve ever wanted to fight for and I think for a while that threw me for a loop._

 _I know we don’t know each other that well yet. We’ve spent all of this time together and never really talked about our lives before I found you. That’s one thing I’m looking forward to the most – I want to know everything about you. How you grew up, your family, the things you loved to do and things that got you into trouble. Because I know you were a troublemaker, Callie, I just know it. I want to hear about the broken bones from playing too hard and see the trophies from your successes. I want to hear about your first love and your last (although in my mind they’re ugly and have no hair and I’m way prettier, so try not to ruin that for me, please)._

 _I want to know everything that makes you you, because somehow it all came together and helped shape the person that has fascinated me the more I get to know her. Whatever the circumstances were that landed me in your OR, deep down I’m thankful they did. These last few months would have been unbearable without you sticking by my side, even when I was at my worst. You will never know how thankful I am, and I hope that someday I can be there for you in return._

 _I’ll be getting an actual phone soon and I believe this is a little too long to fit into a text message. I hope you don’t laugh at me too hard and that my cheesy-romantic side is more endearing than vomit-worthy._

 _I’ll see you soon, beautiful._

 _~Arizona_

 _PS: If the offer still stands, I would love to take up the third bedroom in your apartment. I think I just saw a cockroach scuttle across the bathroom floor._

 

After signing the letter and killing the roach with one of her dirty old combat boots, Arizona folded the paper up and put it inside her jacket pocket. If she didn’t get a phone tomorrow she planned on stopping by to see Callie either before or after her physical therapy appointment. She would leave it with her and promptly run away before she lost her nerve.

Smiling to herself, Arizona sat back and drummed her fingers indecisively against the covers. She’d taken six ibuprofen in place of her prescription pills but they barely did anything to take the edge off. She was achy but not tired enough to try and sleep again. This room was starting to feel like a cage itself – at least at the hospital she’d had company.

Arizona turned to the land line, contemplating her next move. A knot formed in the pit of her stomach and she reached out with a shaky hand to lift it off of the receiver. The tone drawled heavily against her ear and her fingers shook as they dialed collect to San Diego. It took four rings before she was connected.

 _“Hello?”_ The voice was rough, even a little gravely, but it was strong and left no room for funny business.

Arizona cleared her throat and released a soft breath. “Hi, dad.”

There was a small pause on the other end. _“Zona,”_ Colonel Robbins said. _“Hello, dear. I’m surprised to hear from you.”_

Arizona forced out a smile, hoping it would transfer through to her voice. “Yeah. I’m stuck in a dingy hotel room and just killed a cockroach bigger than Uncle Rory’s mole, so...I thought I’d call and say ‘hey’.”

 _“Well, even if it did take an insect invasion to make you finally call home, I’m glad you did.”_

She couldn’t tell if his sarcasm was playful or condescending, but she decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. She knew the more she tried to give him upfront, the longer this conversation would last. And if she was being honest, she needed the company, the familiarity. She needed just an ounce of support from her family, even if this was the first time she had reached out for it since Tim died.

 _“To what do I owe this pleasure? It’s not like you to call out of the blue.”_

She let it roll off her shoulders. “I just got out of the hospital, actually. I had two pretty major surgeries these last couple of months, a total knee replacement and whatnot. I was...I couldn’t sleep and I hadn’t called to tell you anything about my recovery, so I thought I’d let you know and stuff.” She rolled her eyes at herself, wondering when things became so awkward between them.

 _“I’m well aware of your progress, Arizona. Chief Webber has kept us informed every step of the way. I’m glad to hear you’re back on your feet, so to speak. From the sounds of things, after some intensive rehab you should be good as new.”_ He chuckled softly. _“I knew sending you to that surgeon was a good idea.”_

“Yeah,” Arizona replied lightly, smirking to herself. She’d give him that one. “She’s been great, actually. She was amazing.”

 _“When are you coming home? Your mother and I want to make sure we have everything set up before then.”_

That made her freeze. “What?”

Colonel Robbins sighed heavily into the phone, as if he were talking to a small child. _“When are you coming home?”_ he repeated. _“Your surgeries are finished, you don’t have anywhere to stay out there and we have exceptional physical rehabilitation specialists in San Diego at the base. You would be better off here, with your mother and I.”_

Arizona tried to find it nice that her father actually wanted her around, but it was a little hard to considering he didn’t ask so much as inform her that she was expected to go home. “Um, I’m not. I’m staying here for now.”

The Colonel’s voice rose. _“Under no circumstances are you staying in an unfamiliar city by yourself in your condition.”_

Arizona tightened her grip on the phone and gritted her teeth. “Dad–”

 _“No. You need support right now; you’re nowhere near in good enough shape to be on your own. You said yourself you’re sitting in a hotel room full of cockroaches. What on God’s green earth makes you think I’m going to let you live like that for the next six months?”_

Arizona pulled in a breath through her teeth. “I’m a big girl, dad, I can take care of myself. Besides, Teddy’s here and–” She hesitated. She hadn’t exactly been planning on saying anything to him yet.

“I met someone.” She had to smirk when he went silent for a full five seconds. It was nice to catch him off guard for once. “The point is, I’m staying put. I want to finish physio here and I’m probably going to be moving into an apartment right across from the hospital, so it’ll be easy to get back and forth every day.”

When all she was met with was more stony silence, she pushed on. “This is a _good_ thing, dad. I’m trying to get my life back.”

Daniel Robbins released another breath and she could just picture him pinching the bridge of his nose. He always did that when he was frustrated with her or her brother growing up. _“Arizona, you need to come home.”_

“Did you not hear a word I just said?” Arizona growled, feeling herself becoming more and more frustrated by the second.

 _“I did,”_ he replied carefully, _“but you can’t honestly think I’m going to let you stay in Seattle on your own just because you met some woman, do you? That’s ridiculous. You can’t expect someone you barely know to take care of you while you recuperate. That’s hardly fair to either of you, Zona. You will not stay there simply because of some...some ‘fling’. I know it’s been a while since you’ve been back in the U.S., but–”_

“No,” Arizona interrupted, tightening her grip on the receiver. “Look, it’s not that simple, okay? She’s been there for me since the beginning a-and I’m not expecting her to ‘take care of me’, I just – I care about her. More than I’ve cared about anyone in a long time, and I’m _so_ sick of convincing myself that I don’t need to be happy. I’ve done my job and I’ve done it well for three years, dad. I’m not coming home to sleep in my four poster twin bed for six months and be miserable.”

 _“Arizona Michelle Robbins,”_ Daniel warned, the sudden boom to his voice making her subconsciously shiver. She hated that her father had such an effect on her sometimes. _“You listen to me. Don’t throw your life away because some pretty girl batted her eyelashes at you. She has no idea what you’ve been through these last five months, these last three **years**. It is completely unfair of you to expect her to take care of your needs when you’ve got a support system back home that knows how to handle you and your situation.”_

“ _‘Handle’_ me?” Arizona sat up and barely refrained from chucking the phone across the room. “You know what? You don’t know me, you don’t know my life, and you _hardly_ know what I’ve been through these last five months. The best _you_ could do was call Teddy and force her to do the job my _father_ should have been doing while I was hurt and angry and completely terrified. So you know what? _Screw you_.”

There was a change in the Colonel’s tone, a considerable softening. _“Arizona–”_

She didn’t want to hear it. She abruptly slammed the phone down on the receiver, cutting him off. Her hand rested on top for a moment and she clenched her jaw as she fought like hell to hold back the tears threatening to spill over.

Her father was the only person who could make her cry like this and right now she hated him for it. It didn’t matter if he thought he was doing what was best for her, she took the damn hint.

Why was it that every time she tried to let herself be happy for three goddamn seconds, he had to go and derail everything?

Sighing heavily and suddenly feeling exhausted all over again, Arizona set the phone down on the side table. She crawled into bed and leaned against the headboard, tilting her neck back to rest on the surface.

As angry as she was, maybe he was right. She cared about Callie, a _lot_ , but was it really fair to ask her to get involved in this mess?

It’s not like she was sticking around so the brunette could ‘take care of her’. She was sticking around because there was something between them that was too powerful for Arizona to walk away from. Or so she thought.

Groaning, she pulled her left knee up and rested her forehead against it, burying her face in her hands. Who was she kidding? Even her own father had pretty much called her a situation to be dealt with. Arizona hated him for planting that seed of self-doubt all over again, but maybe he was right. It was completely unfair of her to burden Callie with all of her problems right now; God knows she had plenty of them. The physical injuries were just the surface of her underlying issues, it didn’t take a psychologist to help her figure that out. The night terrors alone would be enough to chase any sane woman away.

Arizona could no longer hold them back, and because she was alone, she finally let the tears spill over; a soft, sad sob wracking her body as she broke down for the first time since her second surgery.

She hated her father. _Hated_ him.

***

The first week that Arizona didn’t call, Callie chalked it up to the difficulties of settling down in a new city and the fact that she might not even have a phone yet. It wasn’t exactly easy to get around in Seattle without a car and using crutches, especially in the rain, and cab fair was awfully expensive. Maybe she was even trying to be a little bit of a tease by keeping Callie waiting.

At the beginning of the second week, she convinced herself that Arizona had gotten lost in an unfamiliar city, or she that was in pain and didn’t have anyone to help her out, or that she was hurt or injured in a freak accident. Since she knew basically nobody in this city, she may never be seen or heard from again.

Callie rationalized that Teddy would be acting more concerned if this were the case and that kept her from freaking out completely. It didn’t stop her from checking her cellphone every chance she got and staring at the empty message inbox. She debated stopping by the motel, except that work kept her busy and she didn’t want to come across as a crazy stalker by showing up after midnight.

“Why hasn’t she called?” Callie demanded of Cristina one afternoon in their apartment, checking her phone for the fifteenth time that hour.

“Why do you even care?” Cristina asked, glancing over from where she was playing Xbox in the living room.

“Because! She’s amazing a-and we have this connection that I thought – I mean, we kissed and it was fantastic and I wrote my number on her cast. You should’ve seen the look on her face after I did it,” Callie added with a goofy grin.

Cristina gagged and rolled her eyes. “Yeah, no. I’m good, thanks.”

“Seriously, Cristina,” Callie shot back, leaning against the kitchen counter and propping her chin in her palm. “She’s got this _amazing_ smile and this adorable little cheek-dimply thing goin’ on. She’s gorgeous.” Pouting once more, she stole yet another glance at her phone. “ _Why_ hasn’t she called? It’s been seven days!”

“Probably because you just used the word ‘cheek-dimply’,” Cristina muttered, blowing something up on-screen. “She’s too hardcore for you.”

“Oh, shove it,” Callie grumbled, turning away and re-immersing herself in the dinner she was cooking.

By the end of that second week, she had finally just accepted it for what it was – Arizona didn’t call because she didn’t want to. That absolutely crushed Callie.

How could they share that moment together and then she not call? That wasn’t some peck-on-the-doorstep, I’ll-call-you-but-not-really awkward first date kind of thing. Callie couldn’t understand the sudden change of heart.

Once again she felt that sinking depression settle in and the familiar listlessness return full force. She knew Arizona had to be around for her physical therapy sessions in a wing across the hospital but she never went in search of her. It was obvious that she didn’t want to be found. While Callie had once been looking forward to seeing her and taking off her cast at the end of the two week period, she was now so bummed out about it that she sent Alex Karev to do it instead. She couldn't bear to look into those blue eyes that had been on her mind for fourteen days and know that the blonde hadn’t been thinking about her the same way.

In a matter of only two short weeks, Callie had gone from believing her whole world was about to change for the better to laughing at herself for daring to think it was possible. Arizona was apparently no different from the other selfish jerks out there; Callie was just too much of a fool to realize it in time.

\----------


	2. Chapter 14

_May 1st, 2009_

 

Two weeks of radio silence had passed since the kiss that changed everything, and Arizona hated herself for every single minute of it.

The moment her lips met Callie’s, her whole world felt as though it went from being off balance to perfectly centered. She felt like things might finally start to get better, like they _could_ get better – up until the conversation with her father that derailed it all.

Meeting Callie had changed her for the better, she couldn’t deny that. Callie brought up feelings that Arizona had long since forgotten she was allowed to have. It hurt when she thought about what she was doing; she knew it was unfair and that she was acting like a coward, but it didn’t change her decision. At least, not at first. She really did believe that listening to her father was the right thing to do and better for Callie in the end.

But Arizona also knew that she let the Colonel get under her skin far too easily, she always had. No matter how many times she told herself that he couldn’t control her life, that he didn’t even know who she was anymore, somehow he always ended up making her second guess her decisions. He didn’t know Callie and he certainly didn’t know everything they had been through together, but his words had hit a weak spot and she hadn’t been able to shake them off.

Even after that amazing kiss and the underlying feelings that went with it, she was still anxious about what letting Callie into her life might mean. She was broken, she knew that; she had problems that she didn’t know how to solve. She wasn’t the same person she had been four years ago, and who she was now was still a work in progress. Callie deserved the world, someone who could take care of her and be emotionally available, and Arizona just didn’t think she’d be able to do it. Not in this condition.

One look into those deep, expressive brown eyes and Arizona knew she’d be a goner, so she took the easy way out and steered clear of all contact. She took to moping around, wasting hours that could have been spent getting to know Callie. Her energy levels were still non-existent these days, so she spent what was probably an unhealthy amount of time in the dark and dingy motel room, wishing Timothy was there to help her figure things out. He was never afraid to shake some sense into her or tell her what to do, especially when it came to her complicated love life. He was her best friend and probably the only person that could get away with knocking some sense into her when she really needed it.

Since he had died, she had forgotten what it was like to be truly happy. She had lost count of how many times people told her it would come around again, that time heals all wounds. Not for her – her life felt foreign without Tim Robbins alive to share it with. To anyone on the outside looking in, she probably didn’t look very alive herself. She had joined the Marines partly to escape those people, the ones that watched her every move following his death and judged her for the progress she wasn’t making. For a while she had foolishly thought she would find that human connection again with Callie.

The only bright spot in her life these days was the progression of her physical recovery. Two weeks out of the hospital and she had been to every physical therapy appointment scheduled so far, four to five times a week for at least two hours at a time. Now she was starting to see the results – small ones, but they were there. It was slow and painful but her condition was gradually improving. Most days she could function, others she wanted to lie on the bathroom floor and cry because her leg hurt so badly. Pain meant it was healing, though, so she pushed through it without complaining.

It was hard not to go running straight to Callie each time she accomplished something new. She was the one person Arizona really wanted to share her successes with, however few of them there were. When she looked at Callie she saw a light at the end of a very dark tunnel; forcing herself to ignore that possibility for two whole weeks was pure torture.

Her life these last few years had been one bad experience after another. Coming to Seattle and meeting someone like Callie wasn’t something Arizona had ever expected to happen. She had arrived focused on her leg and how to get better, and now the only thing on her mind was the girl she’d let go, the girl that had been there for her more than anyone else had from the beginning. Callie had shown she cared more than any regular surgeon needed to, checking up on her and taking time out of her day to make sure everything was going smoothly. She spent time with her when she was lonely and tried her best to cheer Arizona up. Even though Arizona had been reserved at first, looking back now she knew she would have lost her mind months ago if she didn’t have the brunette around to keep her focused on the end results rather than the painful journey it would take to get there.

Her father’s words still echoed in Arizona’s head, yet more and more these last few days they were accompanied by thoughts of her own – yes, it was unfair to expect Callie to deal with her when she was this much of a mess, but Callie was the one that had proven she wanted to be around when she was never obligated to in the first place. She had stuck with her when things were bad, and she had been the one to discharge and drive her home at the end of her stay. Callie had been the one to offer Arizona a more permanent place to live and insisted that it was to help out with the long recovery ahead. All of that in spite of how difficult Arizona knew she could be when she was stubborn and in pain.

That whole road lead them to the moment two weeks ago when they’d stopped fighting what had been right in front of them all along. Arizona smiled to herself at the memory of their first kiss, finding solace in it through the dark cloud she was trapped in. She had tried to forget how good it made her feel but it was impossible to wipe something that vivid from her memory. The more she tried to move on, the worse she felt.

It took her fourteen days to figure that out. She had felt normal for the first time in three years as they stood together in her doorway; not afraid or angry or lost or scared, but normal, excited, maybe even happy. That was something she just couldn’t ignore any longer, no matter how many doubts she might have.

It was in that moment, sitting on her unmade bed while watching television, that Arizona realized no matter how hard she tried, she was never going to get over this woman. Callie was in her system now and there was no amount of ‘trying’ she could do to forget her. She was sitting there imagining the movie commentary they would be spouting off if they were together at this very moment, then trying to distract herself from it by wondering what Callie was up to at the hospital right now. Then she’d catch herself again and turn her thought process to something else entirely – and yet it didn’t matter. Each and every time she tried to distract herself, the first thing her mind would gravitate to was Callie. Nothing she did could make her think of anyone or anything else.

Something clicked in her brain and a steady resolved suddenly flooded through her system. It was as though she had been sitting in a pitch black room for two weeks and someone finally reached over to flip on the light switch that was right next to her the whole time.

Screw her father, screw feeling sorry for herself and screw thinking she wasn’t good enough for Callie. If she wasn’t, then she would try to be better. Callie deserved the best of everything, and if Arizona had any say in it, she was going to be the one to give it to her.

But had she messed things up by breaking the two most important rules of dating before they’d even had the chance to begin? She hadn’t called right away like she’d promised she would, and she had avoided all contact since then. Callie probably hated her guts.

Arizona hobbled over to the garbage can next to her bed and bent down to sift through it, searching for the letter she’d trashed days before. She knew it was way better than any speech she could give and it wouldn’t end in her stuttering like a fool. She just needed to figure out a way to get Callie to read it. If she did, if she saw how Arizona truly felt about her, then maybe she would at least give her the chance to explain.

Pulling her brown jacket over her shoulders and checking to make sure she had her lucky dog tags hidden underneath her shirt, Arizona stuffed the letter into her pocket and set out for the hospital via crutches and a cab. She had physical therapy that morning and knew for a fact, thanks to Teddy, that Callie would be working the day shift. Therefore she would be around to remove her cast.

She was going to make things right if it killed her – the old Arizona Robbins would never have rolled over and played dead so easily. It was about time she took charge of her life again.

What better way to start than groveling for forgiveness?

***

Two weeks with a stupid, smelly, itchy cast made Arizona despise the notion of plaster in general. The thing made her grouchy and was a pain in the ass to have attached to her body twenty-four hours a day, so getting it removed was a major milestone and cause for celebration.

It was nerve-wracking at the same time; fresh x-rays were to be taken afterward and then she would know more about her future prognosis. From here on out, her physical therapy would depend on how soon she could put weight onto the broken bones and swollen joint, which in turn dictated how long it would be before she could try to walk without crutches. That was a day she was looking forward to – if it ever arrived.

Today Arizona planned to shuffle in, flash Callie the best smile she had ever produced, say she was sorry, hand her the letter, and hobble out the door cast-free. Later that evening she would text her when she knew she was off work and wait to see if she got an answer.

Something in the back of her mind kept whispering that it would be a little more complicated than that. She ignored the voice for now. All she really knew was the first step – looking into those beautiful brown eyes for the first time since they’d kissed, and for the first time since she’d left Callie hanging with the promise of a phone call and a date, neither of which actually happened.

God, she felt like _such_ an ass.

Arizona was an internal processor. She needed time to stew in her own head before she could grasp the obviousness of what was right in front of her. It always seemed to come back and bite her in the ass. At least this was a start; she knew when Callie saw her that she wouldn’t be able to walk away without saying something, at least. That would be her saving grace – or so she hoped.

After her physio session, Arizona arrived at the exam room she was scheduled to be in and pulled herself up onto the table, swinging her bad leg gently back and forth over the side. That one simple movement was such progress that it made her smile. Callie had done exactly as she’d promised and every time Arizona looked at her leg, she still couldn’t believe how much better she was doing. Dr. Torres had stumbled into her life and helped her get well on her way to walking again, just like she’d promised. Now it was Arizona’s turn to live up to her end of the deal.

The door swung open and her amusement abruptly vanished when someone distinctly not Callie walked in.

“Dr. Robbins,” a male resident with hard eyes and a bored expression read from her chart. “I’m Dr. Karev. Looks like I’m here to remove your cast and take some x-rays.”

Arizona blinked. “Um. No, you’re not. Dr. Torres is.”

“She’s busy,” Alex answered flippantly, tossing the clipboard aside.

“Then go get her.” Arizona’s brow ticked impatiently. “I want my surgeon to be the one to remove the cast. You don’t look a day over twelve.”

Alex scowled. “Look, you can either let me take this thing off now or you can leave and saw it off at home with a butter knife. Your pick.”

Arizona would squash him like a bug given the opportunity, but right now she was more focused on bullying him into bringing Callie up here instead. “No, what _you_ are going to do is turn around and tell Dr. Torres that as her patient, I have the right to talk to her about some questions and concerns regarding my post-op status. And that I’m not leaving until she comes up here and does her job.”

Alex sighed. “Look, lady, you didn’t call her and now she’s pissed. I probably wouldn’t want to talk to you either. Maybe you should just give her some space.”

Arizona blinked in surprise. “She told you?” It irked her that Callie went and talked about their issues to some frat boy in dire need of an attitude adjustment. Then again, she wasn’t really allowed to be mad, given the circumstances.

“Sloan’s mouth is bigger than any girl I’ve ever met. If he knows something, everyone knows.”

Arizona closed her eyes and sighed. Great. Callie was probably equally as humiliated that everyone knew she’d been stood up. That would not make this any easier. “Karev, I’m sure you’re a good doctor, but right now I really need you to go down there and tell her I’m refusing treatment until she comes up and sees me. Okay?”

Alex gave up, not caring enough to argue. “Fine. But you might be waiting a while; she was pretty pissed.” He turned and left again.

Arizona pouted to herself and slumped backward. This was not starting off how she had hoped.

***

Callie was resting her elbows against the nurse’s station, doodling on a piece of paper when she spotted Alex striding down the hall. She pivoted in place and glared at him before he could scoot past her.

“Karev. Did you take care of Dr. Robbins and see her out like I asked you to?” She tapped her pen on the desk, waiting impatiently for an answer. She could relax once she knew Arizona had left the premises.

Alex stopped and rubbed a hand along the back of his neck, making sure to avoid direct eye contact. “I tried but she wouldn’t let me. She’s refusing to let anyone but you touch her. She said she had some questions about her surgery; my hands were tied.”

Callie swore under her breath and glowered at him. “You suck, you know that?”

He scowled, unhappy with getting caught up in Torres’ lesbian drama. “Look, respectfully, can’t you just suck it up and go see her? So she was a bitch and didn’t call you, it happens.”

Callie narrowed her eyes further .

“I gotta go, I’m scrubbing in with Altman.” Alex took off before she could protest.

Crap. So much for that plan.

Callie had spent the entire day knowing she’d probably have to see the blonde at some point. She’d coerced Alex into doing it for her with the promise of future surgeries, but apparently Arizona knew her rights a little too well and now she was stuck.

Double crap.

She really didn’t want to face her alone. Arizona was the one who had chased her down, asked her out and kissed her first. Then she had the nerve to say she was going to call and not do it?

Grumbling to herself, Callie walked to the attending’s locker room and sat on the bench in front of her locker. This really sucked – she had barely survived the last batch of lying, cheating and disappearing exes. She really didn’t think she could take on any more abandonment issues than she already had.

Taking a moment to gather herself, Callie stood up, grabbed a fresh scrub shirt out of her locker and threw it on, then touched up her eye liner and made sure she looked awesome. After all, she wasn’t going to let Arizona see her looking anything less than great. She wasn’t allowed to know how hurt she’d been, or that she’d spent her lunch hours either moping around the cafeteria or sniveling pathetically in an on-call room.

Nope, she would be the badass, hardcore surgeon that she knew she was – she would walk in there without a word, remove the cast and walk right back out. That was her plan and it _had_ to work. She was going to make damn sure that Arizona didn’t try and get to her. This was a professional visit only, nothing more.

Callie gave herself a once-over in the tiny mirror, nodding firmly and spouting off some internal pep-talky type words of encouragement before shutting her locker with a loud clang. She walked out of the room with her head held high and her back straight, jaw locked tightly in place.

Arizona could suck it. Calliope Torres pined for no one.

***

Arizona swung her legs over the side of the exam table for a good twenty minutes, maybe more. She was just debating whether or not to catch a quick cat nap when the door suddenly burst open.

 _Burst_ open.

She jumped so hard it nearly gave her whiplash and her eyes widened fearfully when they were met with the hard glare of a very unimpressed looking Dr. Torres. She swallowed back and tried to create that charming, wonderful smile she had planned for earlier.

It was a little shaky.

“Hi,” Arizona said quietly, her nervousness slowly beginning to fade as her features softened. “Calliope-”

“Don’t.” Callie’s tone was firm as she stood in the doorway, hands stuffed in her lab coat pockets.

Arizona had become pretty good at reading Callie over the last two months, but right now she was at a total loss.

“You said that you had some questions related to your recovery, so I’m here to answer them. That’s it, nothing else.” Callie’s gaze never wavered. “What do you need from me, Dr. Robbins?”

Arizona winced at the coldness aimed her way. “Calliope, please. I know I don’t deserve it, but I need you to give me a chance to explain. I’m sor–”

“No, you don’t get to say ‘I’m sorry’. It doesn’t work that way, Arizona,” Callie argued, though she kept her voice calm. Seeing the blonde in person was harder than she’d thought it would be, and she almost faltered in her resolve. Instead she sucked in another deep breath and continued.

“Look, I have a full schedule today, so can we please just get this over with? Do you have any questions or not?” When Callie didn’t receive an answer, she turned to leave.

“Callie, wait,” Arizona called out. She pushed herself off of the bed and landed on her good leg, wobbling with a bit more momentum than she meant to.

Callie instinctively turned and reached out to steady her, something which gave Arizona just the slightest amount of hope. If she didn’t give a rat’s ass anymore, she would have just let her fall down and break her face open, right?

“Don’t _do_ that,” Callie snapped, irritated. “You’ve done too much work to just slip and dislocate something.”

Once she was steady, Arizona licked her lips and continued. “I screwed up, okay? I-I started having all of these doubts and concerns, and I listened to people I shouldn’t have listened to, and I’m sorry. But I need you to believe me when I say that you’re the only thing I’ve been able to think about since you left that day.”

“If you were doubting things, then you should have come to me and discussed them like an adult,” Callie shot back. She took in a deep breath and stepped away. “Look, I can’t do this, okay? I’m exhausted and I’m done trying. Can we please just take off your cast so you can be on your way?”

Arizona’s heart broke; she couldn’t handle seeing the hurt in the other woman’s eyes, especially knowing that she was the one who put it there. “Callie, please–” She reached out and grasped her by the arm before she could pull away again. “I’m so sorry. I know it means nothing to you right now and you have every reason on the planet not to trust me, but…”

Callie waited, showing no real emotion. Her poker face throughout this conversation was one to be proud of.

Arizona fumbled for words. “I screwed up. I _am_ screwed up. I’ll probably always _be_ screwed up. But the thing I finally realized is that you make me better. You make me feel like...y-you just make me _feel_ , period. That’s something I haven’t had in a really long time.”

“You aren’t screwed up, Arizona,” Callie said quietly. “Nothing about you is screwed up except that you can’t see how amazing you really are.”

For the first time Callie looked up and met Arizona’s gaze directly, allowing a brief pause before continuing. “But you hurt me. You gave me hope for something and then just – stole it away. Someone did that to me before and it screwed _me_ up. And I can’t go through that again, I just can’t.” She looked away.

Arizona was losing the battle and she knew it, but she refused to give up until she had tried everything. Seeing the unmistakable glimmer of tears behind those brown eyes gave her just the smallest amount of hope that things could turn out differently. “If saying ‘I’m sorry’ wasn’t the lamest excuse I could make, I would sit here all day and say it a thousand times over until it helped. But you’re right, I messed up the chance for...us. And that’s on me, completely.”

Arizona licked her lips and glanced down, sticking a hand inside her jacket pocket and reemerging with the letter. “If you want, you can get your resident to come back here and take the cast off; I don’t want to make you stay if you’re uncomfortable. But–” She reached out and placed it in Callie’s left hand before covering them with both of her own.

“Take this, and I’m _begging_ you to please read it, okay? Don’t throw it out, don’t burn it. Just read it. It says all the things I’m too verbally challenged to say. Please?”

Callie sighed and fidgeted in place, completely torn in two. “Look, I’m already here so I’ll just...I’ll take your cast off. But I don’t want to talk about _this_ anymore, okay? I’ll read your letter and I appreciate that you took the time, but I don’t think it’ll change anything. I’m sorry.” She waited until Arizona reluctantly dropped her hands away, then pocketed the paper in her lab coat.

Avoiding Arizona’s gaze entirely, Callie moved around her to put on a pair of goggles and some latex gloves, then grabbed the cast saw and situated herself on the stool at the edge of the table. She was ready for this nightmare to be over with so she could just go find an on-call room and collapse into a coma.

Arizona hauled herself back up onto the exam table, bending down to roll her pant leg up to mid-thigh level. She carefully swung both legs up, struggling a little with her gimpy one but managing to move it without any added assistance from her hands.

She kept her eyes on Callie the entire time, but the brunette remained focused on her task, never so much as glancing her way. Arizona’s earlier determination for a good outcome had ebbed away to be replaced with a familiar emptiness. She didn’t know what to do anymore.

She’d already done everything she could. Now she just had to wait and see.

***

Callie carefully cracked the cast apart and walked over to the sink, grabbing a plastic basin and filling it with warm water before sitting back down again. She looked up into the blonde’s eyes, silently asking for permission and receiving a small nod in return. She soaked a wash cloth in the warm water and slowly ran it up Arizona’s bare leg.

Arizona was slightly mortified at how disgusting it looked. “ _Eww_ , God. That’s just…that’s really gross. I’m so sorry.”

Despite everything, Callie found herself smirking when Arizona wrinkled her nose. “I’m in orthopedics, remember? I’m used to the whole ‘hairy cast leg’ thing. It’s no big deal.”

She took the wash cloth and gently traced it along Arizona’s calf, cleaning off the muck the cast cement had left on her leg. She tried not to let her mind wander over to how sexy she could have made this if things had turned out differently, knowing it was only another method of self-torture.

Dipping the cloth into the water once more, she gave the leg a quick once-over before drying it with another towel, inspecting the original incisions and manipulating the joint a few times to check that things were in order. “Everything looks great. It’ll probably be pretty sore tonight but otherwise you look fine.” She risked a glance upward.

Arizona swallowed hard and managed a small nod. “Couldn’t have done it without you. Thank you.”

“You really need to stop saying that.”

Arizona’s smile widened, though it remained soft. “Not gonna happen.”

She took in a shaky breath and tried to think of something smooth and charming to say, but came up empty. Whatever mental preparations she’d made earlier were completely forgotten now. “So, will you be taking my x-rays, or...?”

“No, we’ll get one of the interns to take care of that,” Callie said quickly. “The scans themselves will be sent to the physical therapist and provided nothing surgical pops up, they’ll take it from there. Everything seems to be healing nicely, though. I wouldn’t worry.”

More deafening silence.

Callie knew this was it and it was killing her. She pulled in a shaky breath and stood up, peeling her gloves off and disposing of them in the bin. “Take care of yourself, okay?”

Arizona nodded, out of words that could possibly make this better.

Callie found herself equally as stumped, and for a moment they both stood there, struggling to find anything else to say. After a few seconds, she tore her eyes away and turned on her heels, walking out of the room before she lost her nerve and did something stupid.

Arizona watched Callie leave, her heart sinking into her shoes. It took effort to blink back a sudden well of tears that threatened to spill over, but she managed to keep it together. Feeling sorry for herself would not help fix this mess. Her heart was telling her to jump off the exam table and chase after Callie with more apologies, but her head knew it would be pointless at this time. All she could do was trust her feelings about what was written down with brutal honesty in the letter Callie had just stuffed into her pocket. She had to trust that the letter was good enough to make a difference.

After all, it was all she had left at this point.

***

As Callie made her way down the long corridor, it took all of her concentration just to walk in a straight line.

Was that really goodbye? Would it really be the last time she ever saw Arizona?

Her heart was pounding and a mixture of emotions swirled inside her head, but she didn’t have much time to ponder the answers. The shrill beeping of her pager drew her attention, wielding an urgent 9-1-1 message to the ER downstairs.

The call provided a much need distraction for most of the afternoon. While she was exhausted and needed to sleep, she knew that the second she lay down and thought about what happened, she would probably cry. She didn’t want to cry over Arizona anymore, it was too tiring and she didn’t have it in her. So instead she said a quiet ‘thank you’ to the surgical Gods and jogged towards the elevator, ready for action.

The letter remained inside her lab coat pocket, unread and completely forgotten.

***

The x-rays didn’t take long. Arizona was in and out in thirty minutes, and now she found herself at a loss for what to do next. The whole afternoon she’d been trying to convince herself that she could prove to Callie how sorry she was, and that their potential relationship deserved another chance, but things hadn’t exactly gone according to plan. Callie was rightfully hurt and upset, but she was giving no indication that she would ever feel otherwise. All Arizona had was her faith in her letter, hoping against hope that Callie would choose to read it instead of tossing it into the nearest trash bin.

She wouldn’t allow herself to think further than that for the time being. Because if it was really over, if she had no other choice but to accept defeat and walk away for good…she didn’t know where to go from here. Except maybe San Diego.

Going back to the motel and pacing back and forth for hours wasn’t exactly high on her list of priorities – or possible, given the state of her leg – so instead Arizona lingered around the hospital, trying to figure out her next move. As hard as playing the waiting game was, she knew she had to give Callie space. Patience, however, had never really been one of her virtues, so she found herself sitting in the lobby, watching the doctors and patients pass by with the misguided hope that Callie would find her there.

“Arizona?”

She looked up and spotted Teddy heading in her direction, flashing her a weak smile. “Hey.”

Teddy took a seat next to her. “What are you still doing here? I figured you were done hours ago.”

“Two and a half, to be exact,” Arizona admitted, fidgeting. “I’m waiting for Callie. To...something. Find me, maybe. Even though she told me I had ruined any chance I had to begin with by not talking to her for two weeks.”

“That wasn’t the best choice you’ve ever made.”

Arizona closed her eyes and heaved a sigh. “I did something incredibly stupid and pathetic and she’s probably going to laugh at me and never talk to me ever again.”

Teddy sat back and crossed her legs. “And that would be...?”

“I wrote her a letter. Not a love letter so much as a...well, it’s a letter. And I don’t know if I ever meant for her to read it, but it was my last chance at making things right again so I gave it to her anyway.” Arizona paused. “So, now I’m waiting, like the pathetic loser that I am.”

“Wow, she’s already got you professing your love on paper. That’s impressive.” Teddy chuckled when Arizona smacked her on the arm. “She’s been sad these last few weeks, I can tell. She misses you.” She tilted her head. “Writing you’re good at. Speaking, not so much. Hopefully this works.”

Arizona grunted in return.

Teddy checked her watch and stood up. “Well, there’s no use in sitting around here, she got paged into surgery a little while ago. How about I treat you to a very delicious cafeteria-style lunch while you wait?”

Arizona nodded and reluctantly pushed out of her chair, fumbling for her crutches. Her leg was bothering her again, which wasn’t exactly anything new, but it seemed to be celebrating the fact that it was cast-free by hurting a little bit extra.

She obediently followed her best friend across the lobby and into the elevators, falling silent while Teddy talked about her day. Cafeteria food wasn’t exactly going to make her nervous stomach feel any better, but it sure as hell beat sitting around twiddling her thumbs and giving herself an ulcer.

If Callie didn’t change her mind, she didn’t know what she would do.

***

By the time Callie got out of surgery, she was beyond tired. It was a short one, only a few hours, but very intense. She liked intense surgeries, they required all of her focus and skill to be working at one-hundred percent. That meant she was able to block out whatever drama plagued her personal life beyond the OR doors. As usual, she had rocked it, saved a life, and now she got to move on with her day.

Desperate for sleep, Callie showered, changed, and found the nearest on-call room. It was the end of her shift but the idea of walking one full block to get home was too exhausting. Going back to an empty, lonely apartment wasn’t the most enticing idea, either. As soon as the door closed behind her and she was positive that she was alone, she shrugged off her lab coat and tossed it onto a nearby chair, then collapsed on the bottom bunk of the nearest bed.

The sound of paper hitting the floor and skittering across smooth resin met her ears. She lifted her head from the pillow and squinted through the darkness.

Arizona’s letter lay on the ground about two feet away from where she was now, providing a big fat reminder of all the other crap she had yet to deal with.

Callie eyed the letter suspiciously and couldn’t help but wonder what it said. She hoped it wasn’t full of bullshit, she wasn’t in the mood to deal with more drama right now. There was a nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach that told her maybe, just maybe, Arizona had been genuine. That small shred of hope annoyed her to no end, and she knew it wasn’t going to let her get any sleep so long as that damn thing lay there staring at her.

She could pretend to be impervious to Arizona all she wanted, she just wasn’t fooling herself anymore.

Callie propped up on one elbow and reached over to poke the letter with her fingertips, urging it closer so she could pick it up. It took a few tries but she finally secured it in her hand and rolled back onto the bed. She sat up and tucked her legs underneath her, staring at the beautiful penmanship on the front that simply read ‘Calliope’.

Mentally preparing herself, Callie closed her eyes and made a deal. She would read the letter, fold it up, fall asleep like she so desperately needed, and deal with whatever ramifications it would bring later – when she woke up. That was the best she could do right now; her mind was on autopilot and that was the only reason she wasn’t unconscious and drooling on the floor right now.

Opening her eyes, Callie unfolded the piece of paper and began to read.

 

_It’s been two days since I last saw you, since I last kissed you. I’m sitting here in a dark and empty room without any real means of communication, so I’ve decided to write you this letter. Cheesy, right? I promise this isn’t a ploy to make you swoon or to get into your pants – although either response is completely acceptable and generally encouraged._

 

Damn it, that made her smile. Which made her mad, which in turn made her pout as she read further. Arizona had been under exaggerating her writing capabilities; Callie had to bite her lip more than once to keep from laughing out loud. 

Any other human being on the planet would be pummeled into a pile of dust for calling her Calliope, but Arizona got away with it each and every time. Truthfully, Callie loved the way her name spilled from the blonde’s lips, rolling smoothly off of her tongue as though she had been born to say it. Arizona always managed to make it sound sexy, something Callie had never, ever felt about her full name before now.

She kept reading and despite her efforts to remain impartial, each sentence chipped away at the block of ice sitting inside her chest. Arizona was cute, funny, sexy, and really good with words. It was irritating and endearing at the same time.

 

_No one else has ever made me feel the way you do and that scares me. Admitting that scares me. But it’s the kind of scared I’m willing to force myself not to turn away from. I’ve done too much of that in my life. You’re the first person I’ve ever wanted to fight for and I think for a while that threw me for a loop._

 

Apparently that ‘loop’ did a couple of laps, because supposedly after this was written Arizona still hadn’t called her.

Regardless, Callie read on about how Arizona wanted to get to know her and how happy she was that they met. By the time she reached _‘I’ll see you soon, beautiful,’_ she released a soft, girly sigh, unsure whether she was about to smile or cry. Possibly both.

 

_PS: If the offer still stands, I would love to take up the third bedroom in your apartment. I think I just saw a cockroach scuttle across the bathroom floor_

 

Despite her inner turmoil, Callie let out a bark of laughter.

Oh, hell. She was dead in the water as far as her ‘stern’ resolve was concerned.

Closing her eyes, she collapsed backward and pressed her hands to her forehead. The last thing in the world she needed was more heartache; she’d already had enough to last a lifetime as far as she was concerned. She had opened herself up to Arizona more than she felt like she ever did with Erica – heck, even more than she had with George in some respects, and she’d been struck down pretty hard. Arizona had left her – regardless of the different situations or the reasoning, she had promised one thing and done the opposite.

Any other place, any other time, any other person – Callie would walk away and not waste her time. But Arizona was here, begging for forgiveness and asking for a second chance, writing adorable letters and making it known that she wanted to be in this thing for real. She wouldn’t be doing that if she didn’t mean it – right?

Arizona had been the one constant in her life these last few months. Their daily talks and lunch sessions were the one thing Callie had really looked forward to, even counted on. She spent the first four weeks convincing herself she was doing it for the benefit of her patient, that she was being the support system Arizona needed, but eventually even she had to admit that it was just as much for her own sake. The loneliness she experienced after Erica left began to heal the day Arizona Robbins came into her life – no amount of anger or hurt could ever make Callie deny that.

Arizona’s smile, her laugh, her dorky sense of humour – all of those things and so much more made her irresistible, something Callie knew the blonde was having trouble seeing these days. A part of her knew that Arizona’s insecurities over her physical and emotional scars were probably a big reason why she hadn’t called in the last two weeks. Getting out of the hospital after spending the better part of five consecutive months bedridden would have been a shock to the system – it was one thing to dream about getting out and being on her own again, it was probably a whole different thing to experience.

It didn’t outright excuse what she did, but Callie was willing to give her just a little bit of leeway because of it. Arizona was in the beginning stages of rediscovering her life and what it meant under these new circumstances. Maybe it just took her longer than she thought it would to figure out what she really wanted. Granted, it could have involved talking rather than avoiding, but what was done was done and couldn’t be changed.

Callie groaned and allowed her eyes to trace over the handwritten words a second time. She was setting herself up to fall again by agreeing to give the blonde a second chance, something that wasn’t exactly a thrilling prospect. If Arizona balked and backed out, Callie knew she would be crushed. In the last two weeks she’d all but sworn off men and women for the foreseeable future, for what she felt were legitimate reasons. She needed time to heal before even thinking about moving on.

Now she had to make a choice. She either needed to forgive Arizona for her mistakes and give things another try, or she needed to step away and not look back. That would be easier said than done, but if she really had to, she knew could do it.

Somehow Callie knew there was really only one answer.

It might have been against her better judgment, but she had to give Arizona a chance to prove that she was all in this. Otherwise she would spend god knows how long wondering ‘what if’. It only took one person to change your life – what if Arizona was that person? What if walking away from this chance meant walking away from the best thing to ever happen to her? What if this was the relationship that lasted forever?

Okay, maybe she shouldn’t get ahead of herself, but even if things didn’t work out in the end, Callie would regret it more if she didn’t go for it now.

One chance, that’s what she would tell Arizona. That she had one chance left and Callie wasn’t going to allow herself to be walked all over again. If there was one thing she had come to realize over these last few months it was that she deserved to be respected. George hadn’t respected her, Erica hadn’t respected her. It wasn’t something she had ever consciously thought about before. Funny enough, it was Arizona that had made her realize it in the first place – she deserved to be respected.

Even after the two week radio silence, something told her the blonde was an honorable person and that wouldn’t be an issue moving forward.

Right now, though, she desperately needed some sleep. Between the anxiety, fear and sadness of the day, she was tired enough to fall into a coma the next time she blinked. So she set the letter down and curled up on top of the covers, closing her eyes and almost immediately beginning to drift off.

Barely five minutes after her head hit the pillow, her Blackberry vibrated.

With a loud growl, Callie flailed an arm out and grabbed it, cracking one eye open just enough to read the message.

 

_If you’re willing to give me another chance, I promise I’ll do everything in my power to never let you down again. You’ve given me my life back and I don’t want to spend another second without you in it._

 

Callie dropped the phone against her chest and released a heavy sigh, the beginnings of a smile appearing.

The woman was good, she’d give her that.

Glancing at the message in resignation, she typed a quick reply, hit send and lay back while she waited.

***

“At least you’ve graduated from jello,” Teddy commented as she ate a bowl of lasagna and watched Arizona poke idly at her sandwich.

Arizona wrinkled her nose. “I don’t even _like_ sandwiches.” She pushed it away and sank back in her chair. “I don’t suppose you can sneak me into the gallery, can you? Just so I can see if she’s still in surgery? I bet she looks sexy when she’s cutting.”

Teddy rolled her eyes. “I know you’re bursting at the seams with anticipation but you have to give her time. I’m not one to meddle, but what you did – and I know you had your reasons – it probably really hurt her.”

Arizona’s stomach twisted into knots. There wasn’t enough self-punishment on earth that she could dole out and feel satisfied with.

Teddy watched her whimper and close her eyes, then reached across the table to take her hand. “Look, make me a promise, okay? I don’t want to see either of you moping around anymore, so _please_ be sure about this. Make sure this is what you really want before jumping in head first.”

Arizona nodded and tightened her grip. “Thanks, Teds. But I’m sure.”

Teddy frowned. “Don’t call me that. Ever.”

Arizona grinned crookedly. “I’m sure about this. I was sure before and I’m even more sure now. If it works, I’m not gonna let her down again. I just want her to give me a second chance.”

Teddy hesitated. “What if she doesn’t?” She saw an uncertainty, a vulnerability in Arizona’s eyes that hadn’t been there in a really long time.

“I don’t even want to think about it, honestly,” Arizona admitted. “I know it’s a big possibility, but I remember how that kiss felt, how everything else felt when I was stuck in that room and she would come to see me every day. I know that if she was in as much pain as I was these last few weeks, that means _something_ is still there for her.”

Arizona bunched a napkin between her fingers, tapping her good foot against the table. “If she wants me to get lost for good, then I’ll understand. It’ll suck, and I’ll probably be a mess, but I get it. And then I’ll...I don’t know. There’s always San Diego, right?” The idea of moving back in with her parents was nauseating.

Teddy remained silent, giving Arizona time to process out loud.

“I just want her to say yes. I want her to so badly I-I can’t think about anything else.” Arizona growled in frustration. “Do you see? Do you see what she’s done to me? Making me feel all of this emotional crap? Ugh!” She dropped her hands heavily, pouting.

“She brought life back into your eyes,” Teddy added, smiling despite her friend’s frustration. “She made you happy for once. She’s worth all of the ‘emotional crap’, you just needed to figure that out on your own.”

“I am a bit slow sometimes,” Arizona admitted with a small laugh. She shook her head and glanced at the cellphone lying on the table, picking it up and staring at the screen. “I should have written my number on the letter. Why did I not think to write my number on the letter?”

“She’ll find you,” Teddy said, patting her on the arm. “She will. Just give her time.”

But Arizona was impatient. She wanted to talk to her _now_ , just so she could know. One way or the other, she needed the answer before she drove herself insane.

“Screw it. I’m texting her.” Arizona swiped her finger across the touch screen and began to type, thumbs flying across the keyboard before Teddy could stop her.

“Arizona,” the other blonde warned gently, “maybe you should wait.”

Arizona shook her head. “No. If she’s read it and still wondering, I need her to know that I meant every word. And if the answer is still no, at least I’ll know that I fought for her.”

Teddy listened to the quiet ‘zip’ noise as the message was flung off into cyberspace. “Well, now we wait.”

“Yep.” Arizona set the phone on the table and proceeded to stare at it.

Teddy lifted an eyebrow. “It might take her a bit of time, y’know. To get it, answer back. She could still be in surgery, or asleep, or busy.”

Arizona remained motionless and continued to stare, willing and praying for the phone to ring, buzz, vibrate, or even explode. Something. She needed _something_.

When it suddenly began to dance across the table about sixty-two-and-a-half seconds later, she actually jumped in surprise. She cast a wide-eyed, almost fearful glance at Teddy before reaching out with a shaky hand and pulling it over.

 

_Where are you?_

 

Arizona’s heart soared and she grinned widely.

“What?” Teddy demanded. “What did she say?”

Arizona didn’t reply, instead typing back: _‘At the hospital, in the cafeteria’_ and hitting send again.

A few seconds later, she got another response. ‘ _Meet me in the lobby in fifteen minutes and I’ll give you a ride home._ ’

Arizona went slack and fell face-first into the table. “Oh thank _God_ ,” she groaned, closing her eyes and resting her forehead against the cold surface. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

“I take it that wasn’t the ‘fuck off’ you were anticipating?”

Arizona jerked upright and beamed at Teddy. “She wants me to meet her in the lobby in fifteen minutes. I’m just gonna pretend that there isn’t a chance it’s only to tell me to bugger off and leave her alone, and instead focus on my inner ‘Yay!’ that she answered in the first place.”

Teddy laughed and reached out to playfully ruffle Arizona’s hair as she stood up, which only earned her a scowl in return. “Better get going. You take forever to get around on those things, you gimp.”

Arizona jumped out of her chair awfully fast for someone that was still sporting a broken leg, then grabbed her crutches and paused for half a second, shooting Teddy a pleading look.

“I look okay, right? The hair, the jacket, the pants – not like a circus freak who’s forgotten how to be social?”

“Just go,” Teddy ordered. “You look fine.”

Nodding, Arizona took in a deep breath and headed for the elevator as fast as her crutches could carry her.

***

She beat Callie to the front doors and spent a good seven minutes trying not to freak out or start sweating, partly because it had been an extremely long day for her physically, but mostly because she was nervous. She had no idea what was about to happen, she could only hope for the best.

Finally she looked up to see Callie headed her way and a slow smile began to form. She couldn’t take her eyes off that woman even if she tried. This was technically only the third time Arizona had seen her in something other than scrubs – she was wearing that super hot leather jacket with the big grey collar and a pair of jeans that had to be illegal in fifty states for making her ass look so good.

Wow.

All Arizona could do was sit there and grin like an idiot. Callie looked _really_ beautiful – and also a little strained.

As she came closer, Arizona stood up from her chair, wobbling on her crutches, and turned to face her as she came to a stop a few feet away.

“Hi.” It was soft yet confident, and Arizona was secretly proud of herself for finding the courage to say anything at all after pouring her heart out in that letter.

“Hey.”

A few seconds of silence passed between them, neither one looking away.

“Can I be honest with you?” Arizona finally asked, forcing herself to be the first to speak.

A small, barely there smirk appeared over Callie’s lips. “I was kinda under the impression that you already were.” She pulled the letter partway out of her pocket.

Arizona blushed and inhaled a deep breath. “I miss you. I’ve been missing you. And I don’t know if I’m allowed to say that because it’s my own fault that I’ve been missing you, but...I have been. I do. A lot.” She shook her head, preparing to beg for forgiveness. “I am so, so sor–”

“I’m going to stop you right there,” Callie cut in, holding up a hand. “We’re done with this.”

Arizona felt her heart drop into her shoes.

“We’re done blaming, done saying ‘thank you’s and ‘I’m sorry’s, done feeling bad and done feeling like we’ve done something wrong. Done. If you want this – us – then we’re starting over. We’re done living in the past. Okay?”

There was a vulnerability in Callie’s voice that Arizona hadn’t heard before. All she could do was look into her eyes and nod mutely.

“I’m exhausted. I can barely stand up and I’ve been on my feet for more than thirty-six hours. I’ll take you home and then we can talk in the morning, okay?” Callie quirked an eyebrow in question.

Arizona ducked her head and held out her left crutch in an ‘after you’ gesture, watching Callie head for the door before following in line.

***

They had been in the car for twenty minutes, neither speaking a single word. The only sound was the shifting of gears as Callie drove toward their destination. It wasn’t particularly awkward, it was just a quiet atmosphere, maybe even a little nervous. Callie was obviously tired and Arizona didn’t want to push her too far by talking her ear off just to fill the silence.

They pulled into the parking lot of the motel and Callie put the car in park, promptly turning the engine off and settling into her seat.

Arizona took in a deep breath, rolling her shoulders back to try and ease some of the tension that had been building for the last two weeks. She’d forgotten all about her leg while worrying whether or not she would get a response from Callie, and she was secretly thankful for the distraction.

When the silence stretched on, Arizona finally looked over, tilting her head curiously. “So. Can I call you tomorrow? Really for real, cross my heart?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Callie answered after a prolonged silence. “We both know what happened the last time you were left to your own devices.”

Arizona swallowed back. “Callie, I’m so-”

“I told you to stop saying that,” Callie cut in, glaring. “I’m just _so_ sick of hearing those three words. You fucked up, okay? And you hurt me – pretty badly. But that letter, it was genuine, and that’s why I’m willing to give you one more chance. But I swear to God, if you say you’re sorry one more time I’m going to grab you by the shoulders and shake you. Or steal your crutches and make you walk home.” She frowned. “Or…something less bitchy. Just...stop, okay? Please?”

Arizona’s eyes widened and she nodded vigorously, mimicking the motion of zipping her lips shut and tossing away the key. She was willing to say or do pretty much anything right now so long as it meant she got a second chance.

She tapped her fingers nervously against her thigh. “If I’m not allowed to call you, then...?”

“ _I_ will call _you_.” Callie’s tone was firm yet somewhat playful. “I’m going to take you out on a real date. I’m going to set it up, pick the time and the place, and _I’m_ going to be the one to call you until you learn how to use a freaking phone properly.”

Arizona had trouble hiding her grin. “I like that idea.”

She bit her lip and slowly reached across Callie’s body to slide a hand into her far pocket. Making eye contact, she extracted the Blackberry hidden within, briefly looking down to enter her number, then glanced up again as she extended the device back. “Not as sexy as writing it on a cast, but I’m workin’ with what I’ve got here.”

Callie shot her a cute grin and grabbed Arizona’s hand before she could pull away completely. She was still a little wary about this whole thing, but she didn’t want Arizona thinking she didn’t care.

“You’re sweet when you want to be,” Callie said, rolling her eyes at herself. “That’s what made it so damn hard to resist being near you in the first place – you big jerk.”

Arizona laughed and squeezed her hand. “I look forward to receiving that phone call.” She tilted her head, studying the brunette closely. “Try not to make me squirm for too long, okay? I don’t think my heart can take it.”

“I won’t, I promise,” Callie agreed. “Though I’m warning you, I haven’t slept in for weeks, so you’re gonna have to wait for me to pry my tired ass out of bed first. But I will call you.”

Arizona nodded, knowing she was partly at fault. She didn’t know what to say that wouldn’t dance around the idea of ‘I’m sorry’ and get her ass knocked out of the car, so she did the next best thing she could think of. She closed her eyes and brought Callie’s hand to her lips, clasping it between her own and pressing a soft kiss to the back. She lingered for a moment before pulling away a fraction of an inch. “For what it’s worth, you look beautiful even when you’re tired. I really missed seeing you every day.”

Callie closed her eyes, feeling herself relax a little more. “I want this to work, I really do. I just need to know that you’re sure it’s what you want. Really sure.”

Arizona very carefully reached out to stroke her right thumb along Callie’s cheek. “I’m right where I want to be.” She watched Callie’s eyelids flutter and smiled as she repeated the motion with her hand. “So when you call, I’ll pick up before the first ring is over, even if it makes me look desperate.”

Callie released a soft breath. “Promise?

Arizona’s smile widened. “I promise, cross my heart, swear on my shiny new knee and all of that good stuff. Okay?”

Callie laughed despite how exhausted she was. “You’re lucky I find the fact that you’re the biggest dork on the planet endearing, Arizona.” She melted a little when Arizona flashed those cute dimples her way. “It kind of makes me want to kiss you again,” she added after a beat.

Arizona slowly lifted an eyebrow, rounding her hand over the smooth curve of Callie’s jaw. She didn’t say anything.

After a moment, Callie dropped her eyes. “If we’re gonna do this right, we need to start over. We need to wait – _I_ need to wait.” She snuck a quick upward glance, gauging Arizona’s reaction.

Despite how much she wanted to kiss Callie, Arizona could respect her wishes. “Then we wait,” she agreed, reluctantly dropping her hand away. “I don’t know if I can just forget the first one, though. It was pretty amazing,” she added, biting her lip at the memory. “It’s all I’ve been able to think about.”

“Me too,” Callie admitted.

Arizona leaned back in her seat, taking in a deep breath and releasing it slowly. “All right, you need sleep. Please drive safely and don’t wrap yourself around a pole, okay? Those eyes can close once you’re in bed.”

“I don’t think I’ll have the energy to do anything other than strip down and pass out,” Callie chuckled, rubbing her nose.

Those words were just enough to inadvertently get Arizona’s imagination going. She was trying to be respectful and follow Callie’s lead, except now all she could think about was her lying in bed in a pair of somewhat skimpy, barely-there pajamas. Or no pajamas at all, given what she’d just said. Arizona bit back a smirk and quickly looked away.

“Arizona!”

Callie’s voice snapped her back to reality.

“Stop picturing me naked,” the brunette griped, blushing furiously.

“I am not,” Arizona shot back, lying through her teeth.

Callie could read the look on her face, it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure it out. “I’m barely holding it together here, so stop it. Right this second.”

Arizona held up her hands in defense. “Okay, I’m sorry, I’m stopping.”

Not so much. There was no way she would be able to wipe the mental image of a naked Callie, tangled in a mess of bed sheets, sweaty and writhing beneath her. She’d been celibate for way too freaking long, it was starting to mess with her brain chemistry.

“You’re doing it again!” Callie’s face was flushed and she looked just as hot and bothered all of a sudden.

Arizona winced. “Okay, okay, I-I should go. I’m sorry.” She fumbled for the door latch, cheeks burning.

Callie closed her eyes and groaned. Before Arizona could exit the car, she reached across the console and grabbed her by the wrist, tugging her back into her seat. “I’ll call you when I wake up and then we can talk on the phone like the annoying teenage girls I couldn’t stand in high school,” she said, grinning sheepishly.

Arizona smiled. “I look forward to hearing from you.” She maneuvered her hand so she could gently squeeze Callie’s fingers. “Get some sleep. You deserve it.”

It was hard to get out but somehow Arizona managed to stumble from the car. She yanked her crutches out of the back and closed both doors, leaning down to give Callie a little wave through the window. When she received a tiny grin in return, she turned and hobbled over to her room.

Arizona fumbled for the keys in her side pocket, barely managing not to drop it with her shaking hands. She stuck it in the knob, jiggling the handle vigorously for a few seconds before it finally popped open.

Seeing how Calliope was big on the chivalry, Arizona knew she would be sitting there waiting for her to get inside safely. As soon as the door opened, she turned around and flashed her another grin, following it up with another tiny wave. Then Arizona stepped inside the motel room and shut the door.

Today had been a crazy one, that was for sure.

Just as she was shrugging off her jacket, her cellphone buzzed from inside the pocket. She smiled, having a pretty good idea who it was, and took it out, flicking on the message screen.

 

_‘I’m picturing you naked, too.’_


	3. Chapter 15

_May 2nd, 2009_

 

Arizona awoke from a dead sleep, disoriented and out of breath. She had no idea what time it was, where she was or what she was doing there. Wherever _‘there’_ was.

Vivid images and flashes from her dream were still dancing around her head, taunting her as they gradually faded into the background. She sat up and tried to vanquish them by blinking rapidly, steering her mind back towards consciousness. It felt like trying to claw her way out of a quicksand pit and she was on the verge of a losing battle.

The curtains across the room were drawn, blotting out most of the morning sunlight. Her eyes started to adjust in the darkness and her heartbeat gradually began to slow down, the steady ‘thump-thump’ resounding loudly in her ears.

Arizona’s cellphone buzzed across the bedside table, bringing her back to reality. It must have been what woke her up. She fumbled to turn on the lamp and squinted as soon as it lit up the room. Her eyes were puffy with sleep and barely open as she swiped a hand through her hair, taking a moment before reaching for the device.

She answered without looking at the call display, her voice husky with sleep. “‘llo?”

_“Arizona?”_

The blonde instantly recognized the person on the other end of the line and it caught her by surprise. She thought Callie was going to call her after sleeping in, not at–

A glance at the clock told her it was eleven o’clock in the morning. When the hell did that happen?

Her leg gave a sharp throb of protest and she grimaced, digging her fingers into her thigh. “Callie, hey.”

 _“What happened to picking up before the first ring was over? I was about half a second away from getting your voicemail.”_ A pause. _“Is everything okay?”_

Arizona pinched the bridge of her nose. “I’m good, I was just — you woke me up is all. Guess I slept later than I thought.” She forced herself to sit up and dangled her legs over the edge of the bed, groaning at the stiffness in her knee.

Callie hummed softly on the other end of the line, not convinced.

“Sucking up must have taken all of my energy yesterday. It kinda feels like I got hit by a bus,” Arizona admitted, running her fingers through her hair and getting them tangled. She glanced down at herself and grimaced at the sweaty tank top that was clinging to her body. She really, really needed a shower. “To what do I owe this pleasure? I didn’t think I’d hear back from you until this afternoon.”

Callie listened carefully to the sounds of discomfort Arizona was subconsciously making under her breath. Despite the attempts to sound normal, there was a quake in her voice that Callie caught on to right away – it had happened before when Arizona was still in the hospital, after she’d had a rough night. The next morning she was usually shaken up but refused to talk about what was on her mind.

 _“Are you sure you’re okay?_ Callie asked, concerned. _“I can call back later if you need a minute to wake up first.”_

“No, please, don’t hang up,” Arizona said quickly, shaking her head. “It’s good to hear your voice. You’re a welcomed distraction from the fire ants gnawing on my leg.”

 _“That bad, huh?”_ Callie winced. _“I’m sorry. I feel kind of responsible.”_

“Don’t be a dummy,” Arizona chastised playfully. “You’re a rockstar. Now please, keep me distracted. What’s up?”

Callie was still hesitant but she decided to proceed cautiously, listening for any indication that Arizona wasn’t doing well. _“Truthfully? You may or may not have made an appearance in my dreams last night.”_

That made Arizona perk up. “Really?” she asked, a sly smirk tugging at the corners of her mouth. “Was it a naughty appearance?”

The low husk to her voice did all kinds of things to Callie’s insides. _“Oh, I don’t know you well enough to divulge that information, Dr. Robbins,”_ she mused, keen on playing coy and sexy herself.

Arizona released that cute laugh of hers, the one Callie had come to know every time the blonde was in a playful mood.

 _“I woke up and thought of you all alone over there, so I decided to call early. Even if that makes me pathetic,”_ she added after a moment, smiling. _“By the way, your morning sleepy voice? It’s all kinds of adorable. I like it.”_

Arizona grinned. “If it’s anything like what I imagine your sleepy voice will sound like against my ear after a busy night of extracurricular activities, I think I can live with that.”

Callie’s rich laughter came through the other end of the line. _“You’re very, very flirty when you first wake up. I didn’t think I’d end up liking you that much more than I already do.”_

Arizona shrugged even though Callie couldn’t see her. “I’m just happy you still like me, period. That’s good to hear.”

Callie snuggled further under the covers. _“So, did you dream about me last night, too?”_

Arizona could all but see the smirk plastered to Callie’s sexy face. However, her own smile faltered for the first time since hearing the brunette’s voice. She tensed up as she fought to keep away the images that haunted her in her sleep, preferring to keep them tucked carefully away in the furthest corner of her mind. If she thought too hard about it, the searing pain as the flesh on her leg peeled away would come rushing back.

“I, uh, I-I never remember my dreams,” Arizona fumbled, shifting uncomfortably. “But I’m sure you were in there somewhere. Probably naked,” she added, trying to make up for the few seconds of silence that elapsed before her answer.

A beat passed, then: _“How bad was it this time?”_

It never ceased to amaze Arizona how intuitive Callie could be sometimes.

 _“You can tell me, you know,”_ Callie continued when she received nothing but heavy silence in return. _“If you want. If it’ll help you feel safe again.”_ She remembered all too well how terrified Arizona had been that night in intensive care when she’d practically had to pin her to the bed to keep her from hurting herself.

Arizona swallowed back the lump in her throat. “Hearing your voice makes me feel safe again,” she admitted, blushing even though she was alone. “You seem to have a knack for pulling me out of it at the right time.”

It was the first time either of them had acknowledged what happened that day out loud. Callie had been too afraid of Arizona getting defensive if she asked about the nightmares, so she’d been refraining from doing so.

 _“Are you okay?”_ she asked softly.

Arizona shrugged. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

_“I wish I could help. That I had been there for you again.”_

Arizona’s heart constricted and she couldn’t believe how grateful she was that Callie had called her when she did. She blinked against the stinging sensation behind her eyes and took a deep breath to steady herself.

“You were,” she pointed out. “You are. You’re the only thing that seems to be keeping me grounded these days.” Arizona paused and allowed herself to smile a little. “But no pressure or anything.”

 _“Honestly? I haven’t felt any since I met you,”_ Callie said, twirling a strand of dark hair around one of her fingers. _“It’s been surprisingly easy. We fit together well, y’know?”_

“We do,” Arizona confirmed with a light chuckle. “We really do.”

Callie hesitated, contemplating saying what she wanted to say or leaving it for another time. But she never had been one to turn away from a conversation that needed to be addressed. _“I want to be there whenever you have one of those nightmares. It might’ve been one of the reasons I suggested moving in, so I’d never be very far away if it happened again.”_

“You sure you don’t want to go screaming in the other direction?” Arizona mused. “It would probably be saner.”

Callie recognized the blonde’s defensive patterns from a mile away. _“You deserve to have someone take care of you for once, Arizona. Someone that’s always got your back. So yeah, I might’ve had a tiny ulterior motive by asking you to take the extra room.”_

She paused before her tone shifted back to coy. _“That, and trying to catch you naked in my bathroom at some point.”_

Arizona snorted into the phone. Her head was starting to clear the more she listened to Callie’s voice and the tension she hadn’t even realized she’d been carrying around slowly began to fade away. She grabbed one of the crutches and tucked it under her right arm, pulling herself up and hobbling over to the window. Pulling back the curtains, she recoiled at the bright sunlight, momentarily blinding herself.

This place was like a bat cave. She needed to get out of it more often.

She made her way over to the small table in the corner of the room, pulling out a chair and sliding into it. “You don’t have to ‘catch’ me naked in the shower, Calliope. All you have to do is ask.”

It was Callie’s turn to blush. She’d be lying if she didn’t admit to herself how much she was enjoying flirting back and forth with Arizona; it came so easily between them.

_“I want you to know that I meant what I said about a fresh start. I don’t want to hold anything over your head or make you feel guilty anymore, but...I’m a little scared. I’ve been left like that before; I’m not so keen on reliving the experience.”_

Arizona’s heart ached at the uncertainty she heard in Callie’s voice. “We’re on the same page, Calliope. I promise.”

Callie laughed nervously. _“At least that’s a good starting point.”_

Arizona hummed softly under her breath. “Can’t argue with you there.”

She cast a glance down at herself and grimaced at her messy sleeping attire. She pulled the front of her tank top to her nose and took a whiff, recoiling and making a face. Stupid, sweaty nightmares.

“I really need to clean myself up first, and I know you said we do things on your terms from here on out, but if you’re open to suggestions...”

_“I might be. What’s on your mind?”_

Arizona mentally kicked herself into gear and surged forward before she lost her nerve. “Do you have time to fit in our date today? It’s killing me not knowing how long I’ll have to wait until I see you again.”

 _“Lucky for you I happen to have the day off,”_ Callie replied. _“I could maybe be persuaded to take you out this afternoon.”_

“Maybe?” Arizona couldn’t hide her dismay. “Just maybe? Really?” She pouted, sagging back into her chair. “But what if I don’t want to settle for a maybe? Don’t make me hobble all the way down there just to see you, Torres. I’m clumsy on these crutches and might fall into traffic along the way.”

 _“You don’t even know where I live,”_ Callie pointed out.

“You live right across from the hospital,” Arizona countered. “There are only so many apartment buildings in that area. I’ll find you sooner or later.”

 _“I supposed I have a few ideas about where to take you this afternoon,”_ Callie relented. _“And maybe later tonight we could order pizza and you could see the apartment; see if you like the room and all that.”_

“That sounds like a distinct possibility.”

Callie hesitated. _“I really don’t like the idea of you being in that dump. Seriously, it’s run-down and disgusting. And if you need someone to cover your rent for a while if you agree to move in, I’d be happy to until you get back on your feet.”_

Arizona blushed. “You’re sweet, but that won’t be necessary. I have benefits and disability pay, as lame as that sounds. Rent won’t be an issue. And I’d hate for you to think you’re just my sugar mama.”

Callie snickered. _“Oh don’t worry, I’m nobody’s sugar mama.”_ She bit her lip, feeling silly for how much she was grinning right now. _“We could spend the night on the couch, just hanging out and watching movies? After I take you out on the town, of course. I think Cristina works the day shift and might show up at some point, so you’ll get to meet her and I’ll be able to keep her from scaring you away. And when she leaves we can be alone and talk some more and – God, I’m rambling, I’m so sorry.”_ She picked up her pillow and smothered herself with it, her whole body practically turning bright red.

Arizona smirked. “What if I told you it was adorable?”

 _“I don’t want adorable. I’m supposed to be hardcore, remember?”_ Callie whined, hating herself for turning into such a sap sometimes. _“It’s just…I miss hanging out with you. We had lunch every day and watched stupid movies and made fun of people – I miss that.”_

Arizona was giggling before Callie even finished her sentence. “Yes, I would _love_ to spend the entire day making fun of people with you, you have no idea. I was afraid I wouldn’t even get to see you for a while, so that all sounds perfect.”

 _“Awesome.”_ Callie chewed on her thumbnail, feeling like a pathetic teenager all over again but not caring in the least. She didn’t want this conversation to end yet. _“So.”_

“So.” Arizona smiled, staring idly down at her toes as she wiggled them.

 _“Um...”_ Callie grasped at straws. _“What made you want to go into Peds all those years ago? What made you want to work with kids?”_

She was nervous about throwing a loaded question at Arizona like that, but she couldn’t restrain her curiosity. She wanted to know more about who she was beyond all of the baggage that her time in Iraq had left her with. She wanted Arizona to open up more than anything so she could get through the defenses that the blonde had put up over the years.

Arizona blinked at the totally unexpected question. “Uh, I-I don’t know,” she started, furrowing her brow in thought. “I just liked being around them, I guess. Kids have good energy, even when they’re sick or hurt. They have this way of looking at things differently than adults. They heal faster and they survive worse because they believe. Most patients are pessimists, but children...” She trailed off.

 _“I can see you being good with kids,”_ Callie said with a smile. _“You’ll totally be the overprotective mom type some day.”_

Arizona cocked an eyebrow, amused. “Are you asking me to have babies with you before we even go on our first date?”

Callie was slightly mortified at her own inference but to her credit she covered it up well. _“Yes, that was totally where I was going with that. We’re already U-Hauling, so what’s one more over-played cliché? Trying to knock you up could be kinda fun.”_

Arizona let out a snort of laughter, ducking her head and biting her bottom lip as she grinned. “Honestly? I don’t know. Maybe. I like kids, but the idea of having my own is completely terrifying. I think I would need to be in a completely different place in my life.”

 _“As your surgeon, I definitely don’t recommend carting a human around inside your body until you’ve sorted out your leg issues,”_ Callie teased.

Arizona smiled. “I doubt I’d ever be the kind of stable, normal parent that a child would need. I’d be the crazy neurotic one that locks them in their room or makes them grow up in some kind of plastic bubble. Being a surgeon has made me see things with kids that I’d rather forget.”

 _“At the risk of overtepping a line, I think you’d be a great mom,”_ Callie countered. _“You’re soft and comfy when you let your guard down, and protective and fierce when it’s up. That’s a perfect combination.”_

Arizona released a small sigh. “I don’t know. That’s a way off, if ever.” She knew without a doubt that she couldn’t be who she was right now and think about having kids. Her life was too unbalanced; _she_ felt too unbalanced.

 _“For the record, I wasn’t interrogating you for future broodmare services,”_ Callie added after a brief pause. _“I was just curious. Peds and trauma are just such polar opposites, it’s had me wondering for a while now.”_

“What about you? What made you decide to work in ortho?” Arizona countered, finding herself equally as curious. “You’re a hardcore Goddess that breaks bones for a living. When did you decide that’s what you wanted to do with your life?”

Callie frowned in thought, taking a moment to organize her thoughts. _“I grew up with money, y’know? Even though my dad gave us everything we wanted, that lifestyle just never really fit how I felt about myself. My sister Aria was annoyingly perfect at being the rich girl, but I was always different than everyone else in my family.”_

Arizona fell into a comfortable silence, enjoying the flow of conversation.

_“When I graduated, everyone expected me to go to business school and follow in my dad’s footsteps or whatever. It just wasn’t me, so I decided to get away from all the pressure. I joined the Peace Corps to do good things with my hands instead of my wallet for once. What I saw down there was...it changed me. The polio was so bad and there were so many other issues that could be fixed if only they had access to the medicine._

_“When I came home, I decided I wanted to be a doctor and eventually a surgeon. Ortho just turned into my thing after a while and I never looked back.”_

Callie blushed a deep, crimson red, slightly embarrassed by her ramblings. _“So I did my residency at Seattle Grace, became an Attending there, and was forced to treat this crazy Marine punk that was a huge pain in my ass, and now here I am.”_

Arizona felt like she could listen to Callie talk all day and never get tired of hearing her voice. “I’m a punk, huh?”

 _“You ran away and smoked a cigarette your first day under my care,”_ Callie said flatly. _“That constitutes me using the word ‘punk’.”_

Arizona giggled again. “Fair enough. But at least I’m a cute punk that knows how to show a gal like you a good time.” She twirled a strand of hair around her finger and pulled her good leg up onto the chair, resting her chin on her knee.

 _“Even though you were a pain in my ass, you made things interesting, I’ll give you that,”_ Callie mused. _“It was pretty damn distracting to have you checking me out while I was trying to be professional. Thanks for making me feel like a total perv.”_

“I wasn’t **that** bad,” Arizona whined.

_“I caught you looking down my shirt once or twice.”_

“You have a nice rack,” Arizona said bluntly. “What was I supposed to do? I’ve been surrounded by men for three years in a homophobic military, I’ve gotta get my jollies in somewhere.” She fought back a grin.

 _“You’re thinking about me naked again, aren’t you? Knock it off,”_ Callie pouted.

“Naw,” Arizona replied coyly. “It’s either freaky nightmares or your boobs. I choose to think about your boobs.”

Callie grinned crookedly. _“Which brings me to my next question–”_

“Do I like boobs?”

 _“Yes, Arizona, I was going to ask you if you liked boobs,”_ Callie deadpanned.

Arizona couldn’t stop laughing. She hadn’t had this much fun in years.

Callie loved the sound of her laughter. It was so rich and full when she let go and fully relaxed. It had been a rare occurrence before today. _“What else do you like about a woman, aside from boobs? You’ve always struck me as less shallow than most men.”_

Arizona licked her lips. “That depends on what context you mean it in.”

Callie raised an eyebrow. _“Context?”_

“Yeah,” Arizona replied smoothly, switching gears in the blink of an eye. “For example, I love looking into a woman’s eyes. They’re so much more expressive than a man’s. Especially someone like you – I feel like every time I look into yours I can tell exactly what you’re thinking and feeling. I can tell if you’re worried or if you’re happy. Or if you’re angry at me for driving you crazy.”

Callie could already feel herself getting sucked in.

“But there’s something about the feel of my hands on a woman’s stomach that I just can’t get enough of,” Arizona continued. “I love to feel every curve and how smooth her skin is, and how her breath hitches when I kiss her in just the right places. How her abdomen tenses up and releases when I make love to her.”

Arizona heard Callie expel a soft breath and knew she had her right where she wanted her.

“And then I love to bury my nose in the crook of her neck. It’s the only place you can really _smell_ her, y’know? Not just her perfume, but a mixture of everything; the shampoo she uses, laundry detergent. And most of all how she smells naturally, which I always find so incredibly sexy. Her neck is the perfect blend of everything about her.”

A smile ghosted across Arizona’s lips. “I love the way you smell, by the way. You smell…unbelievable. Even if you’ve just come out of surgery and you’re not wearing perfume or anything scented, you smell so good it makes my head spin.”

Callie found herself fumbling for words. She was flustered and her heart was pounding away rather quickly. She had to swallow hard just to try and untangle her tongue from the sudden knot it was tied in.

Damn, Arizona was **good**.

_“I remember when we were lying there after your surgery. I was awake the whole time while you were just...it felt like you were absorbing me or something, memorizing me. All of those things you just mentioned. It was kind of perfect holding you like that. I tried really hard not to kiss you.”_

Arizona smiled against her cellphone, glancing down and playing with the material of her shirt. She remembered that pretty clearly, too.

 _“Is that too much to say over the phone?”_ Callie asked tentatively.

“Not at all,” Arizona said softly. “I _was_ trying to memorize you, for lack of a better word. That was the first time I’d felt close to anyone in years, and I was in such a bad place that it saved me. You’re the only reason I survived that night in one piece.”

Callie thought back to the blonde’s nightmare and shivered. It made her all the more curious to know what Arizona saw when she closed her eyes, though something told her she really didn’t want to.

Arizona took in a small breath and released it. “Aren’t you glad I made you cut me open and rip me to shreds all in one go? Otherwise I’d still be in the hospital and we’d still be doing our little song and dance of not saying what we want to be saying.”

 _“We were kinda stupid, weren’t we?”_ Callie smirked. _“God, when you were being all cute and flirty with me I was **so** pissed at you. You were this hardcore Marine chick, you weren’t supposed to be that gorgeous or hitting on me. I was having inappropriate thoughts about ripping a patient’s clothes off and I didn’t know what to do with myself.” _

“You weren’t alone there,” Arizona said smugly.

_“You were **such** a bitch to the nurses at first, and I had to be professional but it was the funniest thing I’d ever seen. I loved hating every second of making sure you behaved like an adult. You were ridiculous, you know that, right?” _

Arizona grinned sheepishly. “I think you know me pretty well by now. I don’t like to follow other peoples rules.”

_“How did you not get your ass kicked in the Marines?”_

“I know my boundaries and limitations, Calliope. And I was usually the one in charge so I never had to worry about it.”

Arizona stood up again and hobbled across the room, her right leg dangling uselessly as she supported her weight on the crutch. She collapsed back into bed and shifted so she was sprawled across the middle.

“So, answer me this, Miss Torres. What is _your_ favourite thing about the female form? What made you realize that you were into women?”

_“You’re gonna laugh at me, but I have a thing for bones. And I can **hear** you smirking, so stop it.” _

Arizona pursed her lips and stared at the ceiling.

 _“Not in a weird way, either. Running my hands over her hips, her ribcage, her back. Feeling her fingers in my hair...”_ Callie blushed, unable to keep herself from imagining doing those things to Arizona.

_“I also love freckles or scars, because every one has got a story. I love tracing them with my fingers and following up with my tongue. Taking note which ones get the best response from her body. Any excuse to run my hands everywhere they want to go.”_

Arizona made a small, weak noise.

 _“And when I think about doing those things to you?_ ” Callie groaned under her breath, getting her confidence back. _“All I can think about is pressing you against a wall and forgetting everything else going on around us. That’s exactly what I wanted to do to you the first time we met.”_

Lips parting, Arizona found it hard to argue with that. “Wow. Yeah, that’s...” She tried to ignore the fact that she was more than a little turned on. “You just enjoy torturing me, don’t you? Because it’s over the phone and you know I can’t pick you up, toss you down on the bed and have my way with you.”

_“You’re kind of a gimp right now, Arizona. You couldn’t pick me up even if I was there.”_

“I wish you were here, even though we agreed to take things slow,” Arizona sighed. “We’ve been ‘slow’ for three months and I only have so much willpower left. I’m sure I’d be **awfully** good at breaking yours.”

Callie tried to hide the shiver that sent right down her spine. _“I break bones for a living. Don’t underestimate my willpower.”_

“I’m willing to take my chances,” Arizona husked, her voice dropping another octave. “I’m picturing you naked again, by the way.”

 _“I wouldn’t expect anything less,”_ Callie snickered. _“And it’s not much of a stretch, considering I’ve been naked this entire time.”_ She felt a swell of triumph when she heard Arizona’s breath catch. _“I get claustrophobic when I sleep, so I tend not to wear anything. There’s a little ‘Twenty Questions’ factoid for you, Miss ‘I want to know everything about you’.”_

In truth, she was wearing underwear – but Arizona didn’t need to know that.

The blonde whimpered into the phone, squeezing her eyes shut. “That’s just... _mean_.”

Callie chuckled into her end of the line. _“You should probably go take that shower now, Arizona.”_

“Yeah, a freaking _cold_ shower,” the blonde mumbled under her breath.

 _“I have an awesome day planned for us,”_ Callie continued smoothly. _“As much as I never want this conversation to end, we both need to get ready. I want to start off by taking you around the city that you have yet to see. It’s a gorgeous place to live.”_

Arizona released a happy sigh. “If it means I get to see you sooner rather than later, count me in.”

 _“That’s not an invitation for you to jump my bones when you answer the door, by the way,”_ Callie said sternly. _“This is strictly a PG-rated date.”_

“Aww,” Arizona whined, pouting. “So I don’t even get a ‘hello’ kiss?”

 _“Maybe I’ll give you a hug or something,”_ Callie relented, _“but nothing else. Keep your hands to yourself, got it?”_

Arizona closed her eyes and shook her head. “You’re going to be the death of me, woman.”

She gathered what little willpower she had left to sit up. “Better go put some clothes on, you nudist. I’m gonna go take mine off in the shower.” A slow, sexy smirk of her own reappeared. “I’ll be... _thinking_ of you the whole time.”

 _“Mean,”_ Callie laughed, blushing profusely.

Arizona shook her head, knowing they were being ridiculous but loving it. “I look forward to your visit.”

 _“I’ll pick you up in--”_ Callie glanced at her alarm clock. _“Two hours? Three?”_

“Three?” Arizona echoed. “Screw that, I’ll be ready in one.”

 _“Even better,”_ Callie said. _“I like a girl that doesn’t take four-hundred hours in the bathroom. I’ll be there on time, so hurry up.”_

Arizona felt more awake and perky right now than she had in ages. “Then I’ll see you soon, clean and shiny for our PG-13 date.”

_“I said PG.”_

Arizona smirked again. “We’ll see about that.”

Callie’s husky chuckle reached her ear. _“Yeah, I bet we will.”_

Arizona rolled her eyes and grinned at Callie’s need to have the last word. “Okay, goodbye. Really.” She pulled the phone away from her ear, hesitated for a moment, then finally clicked it off. Immediately she almost re-broke her leg in an attempt to dive off of the bed and rush into the bathroom.

She needed a shower, stat.

***

Callie’s calm and collected demeanor vanished the instant she hung up the phone. She showered and dashed around her bedroom trying to look for the perfect casual outfit, settling for a black shirt that was low cut enough to give Arizona a good ‘view’ while leaving just enough to the imagination. It hugged her curves in all the right ways and made her look damn sexy, if she did say so herself. It paired up with her best pair of jeans, some sexy boots and her signature leather jacket. She kept her hair long and wavy, letting it settle in naturally around her face and down her back.

The whole ensemble looked pretty damn good.

Callie emerged from her bedroom and blew at warp-speed around the apartment, picking up after Cristina and trying to make it look somewhat presentable for when they got back later that night. She left Cristina a note saying as much and to keep her shit clean if she wanted to impress the new potential roommate.

Grabbing her jacket and checking her make-up one last time in the mirror, Callie steadied herself and walked out the door.

***

Arizona barely managed to shower, shave her legs, and shape her hair into something that was half decent on time. She let it fall around her shoulders, half way between straight and wavy. It was the best she could do with the piece of crap hair dryer that came with the bathroom.

Looking at herself in the mirror, she tugged at her jacket, smoothed both hands down the front of her jeans, and yanked on the hemline of her merino wool sweater. She loved wearing it because it was extremely comfortable and the royal blue also made her eyes pop.

The aim here was to make Callie swoon so she would be distracted from the clumsiness of the crutches.

Nervous butterflies filled her stomach and she tried a couple of deep, calming breaths to vanquish them. She was partially succeeding when a knock sounded at her front door.

Cue the butterflies return.

Casting one last glance in the bathroom mirror, Arizona hobbled on two crutches to grab her purse from the bed, slinging it over one shoulder before heading to the door. After pulling in a steadying breath, she yanked it open.

A bright smile instantly broke free at the sight of Callie standing there, looking as sexy as ever. “Hey there, stranger,” she said, trying and failing not to grin like an idiot.

Callie had to bite her lip to keep from doing the same. “You look gorgeous.” She had to stuff her hands in her pockets to keep from reaching out and tucking a stray curl behind Arizona’s ear. 

Arizona’s heart pounded and she stepped closer, gazing up at Callie from under her lashes. She watched the brunette raise a wary eyebrow and smiled. “Relax, I’m keeping it PG, just like you asked.”

She moved in as close as she could and tugged Callie into an easy embrace, the crutches making it a little hard to do properly. She managed to hold onto her jacket, bunching her fists around the sleeves.

Callie put up no protest as she circled Arizona’s waist with her arms. “Oh, I see. You’re cashing in on the promise of a hug already. Sneaky.”

Arizona closed her eyes and buried her face into the crook of Callie’s neck, inhaling her scent deeply. “Mmm. See? You smell amazing.”

Callie’s eyes drifted shut. “You smell good, too,” she murmured.

Arizona relaxed into the embrace, any residual tension she’d been holding onto fading away. “I missed you.”

Callie shivered. “Me too.” She smiled into Arizona’s shoulder before doing exactly what she knew the other woman was restraining from – she turned her face in and placed a kiss right in the middle of her neck, followed by another one at the apex of her jaw.

Callie could get used to this – just because Arizona was supposed to behave didn’t mean that she had to. These were her rules, after all.

Arizona was barely able to stifle a groan at the feeling of Callie’s lips against her skin. Getting fed up with her crutches, she squirmed without breaking their hug, managing to wedge them out from under her arms and dump them off to the side with an unceremonious shove. They clattered to the ground and she grinned triumphantly, using her newfound freedom to circle Callie’s shoulders with her arms. “Mmm. Much better.”

“I’m onto your ploy, Robbins,” Callie murmured slyly. “You just want to watch me bend over to pick them up.”

“I plead the fifth,” Arizona chuckled. Her good knee started to weaken and she felt Callie tighten her hold even more. This was the first time in ages that she had craved physical contact of any kind and she couldn’t get enough of it.

“I missed you too, by the way,” Callie said, smiling warmly into the side of Arizona’s neck. “This is really nice. I can hug you standing up for once.” She paused. “You’re kind of short.”

Arizona scoffed in mock-offense. “I’m like an inch or two smaller than you.” Her fingers stroked through the soft, fine hairs at the base of the Callie’s neck.

The brunette’s resolve broke, but just a little.

Fuck the rules.

She turned her head and kissed the corner of Arizona’s mouth, making sure to hit one of those adorable dimples that she loved so much. Before Arizona could reciprocate, Callie pulled head her back just enough to smirk confidentially at her.

Arizona beamed like an excited six-year-old on Christmas morning. “Now _there_ is something I think is deemed okay for a PG-13 date.”

“PG,” Callie deadpanned.

“Whatever.”

“Your listening skills need improvement.”

Wrinkling her nose, Arizona squirmed, the arms around her waist tightening to keep her there.

She tugged on the lapels of Callie’s jacket, gazing into her eyes. “We should probably get going.”

There was a long, drawn out pause in which Callie fought really hard not to kiss the other woman again. It took everything she had to reluctantly nod and slowly drop her arms away. “Yeah, you’re right. We should head out.”

Arizona sighed and cast a look around for her crutches. Blue puppy-dog-eyes turned up to meet Callie’s deep brown and a firm pout appeared. “Help a girl out?”

Callie rolled her eyes dramatically but stooped down to gather the discarded crutches. She strategically bent with her knees and kept her butt aimed in the other direction.

Damn it, Arizona thought, returning the smirk sent her way.

When Callie stood up and handed back the crutches, the blonde leaned into them and stood up on the toes of her left foot, planting a sweet kiss against her cheek. “Thank you.”

“Any time,” Callie grinned lopsidedly.

Arizona blushed, feeling shy all of a sudden. “Okay, Captain. Where to first?”

“The car,” Callie replied matter-of-factly. “Duh.”

“You are _such_ a smartass,” Arizona pointed out. She locked her room before starting into the parking lot where the blue Thunderbird was waiting.

Callie pulled the door open and held it. “Get in, you goof.”

Arizona accepted the hand that helped ease her into the passenger seat. Callie grabbed the crutches and tossed them into the back before closing both doors and making her way around to the other side.

She slid into the driver’s seat and flashed a confident smile towards Arizona. They hadn’t even left the parking lot yet and this was already looking like it would be a day to remember. Still, Callie didn’t want to put too much pressure on them this early. Despite the bravado and the unashamed flirting, there was a large part of her that was still nervous. For all the time they had spent together, they had never been on an actual date before – or done anything outside of Seattle Grace, for that matter.

Arizona had a lot of walls built up, Callie had known that since the beginning. But the letter, their conversation, the moment they had just shared – they were all steps in the right direction. She would keep chipping away until she knew everything there was to know about the incredible woman sitting to her right.

With thoughts of what lay ahead running through her mind, Callie started the car and pulled onto the main street.

She had a woman to woo, and she knew _just_ where to start.


	4. Chapter 16

“I have say, so far this ranks pretty high on my list of first dates,” Arizona teased Callie, nudging her playfully with her shoulder. They were seated side by side along the front counter of an old-fashioned ice cream parlour, sipping milkshakes from classic glasses with giant straws.

It was a Thursday afternoon and most of Seattle was still at work, so there were only three or four other people present. Arizona swivelled on her rotating stool, glass cupped between both hands as she gazed around the establishment, eyes wide with curiosity. She guzzled down her double chocolate shake with extra whipped cream, watching as shoppers strolled by the window and took advantage of the rare sunny day.

Callie smiled, positive that the blonde’s ‘straw face’ was the cutest thing she had ever seen. “I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself.”

Arizona twirled around to face her date and pulled back from the drink with a giant grin. “You really went all out, huh? I owed you a milkshake, so you take me to the fanciest joint in Seattle. You’re a smart lady.”

“Oh, I’m well aware of how good I am,” Callie said smoothly. “You always got so excited whenever I’d bring you stuff in the hospital, so I figured chocolate was the way to your heart. I pay attention to those kinds of things.”

“Like I said, smart lady,” Arizona chuckled, doing another swivel before setting her empty glass on the counter. “Let’s hope the rest of the day is this good.”

“I only half-assed it ‘til now because we were limited to the hospital,” Callie added. “Laptop movies and fast food are beneath my normal dating standards. I usually like to show off a little more.”

“So far you get five stars,” Arizona said with a playful wink. “Keep it up and you might get lucky.”

“I’m already lucky,” Callie smirked, not missing a beat. “I’ve got the most beautiful woman in Seattle sitting next to me, slurping on her milkshake like a seven-year-old and looking happier than I’ve seen her in a long time.”

Arizona blushed and produced a goofy smile.

Callie’s insides fluttered and she turned her attention away to hide it. “You want another one?”

Arizona groaned and placed a hand on her belly. “Not unless you want to roll me around Seattle for the rest of the afternoon.”

“No thanks. You’re already enough of a gimp as it is.” Callie flashed her a cheeky grin.

Blue eyes narrowed. “Hey! You just went down to three stars.”

“I’m not worried.” Callie swirled her straw around the leftover whipped cream. “I bet I can get it back up to five _real_ fast if I need to.”

“Oh-ho, says you,” Arizona shot back. “I’m not _that_ easy.”

A slow, careful smile began to creep its way across the brunette’s features.

_Challenge accepted._

Her right hand broke away from the milkshake glass and slipped beneath the counter, fingers burning a slow trail up Arizona’s jean-clad thigh.

Arizona nearly swallowed her straw, melted ice cream burning the inside of her nose as she inhaled sharply.

Callie watched blue eyes drop down and stare as she curved a hand around the inside of the blonde’s leg, giving it a firm squeeze. The small intake of breath to her right let her know that it was having the desired effect.

To her credit, Arizona managed not to make any embarrassing noises – at first. Not until Callie’s fingers moved higher, curling inward and digging in about three centimetres away from her core.

She released the breath she hadn’t even realized she was holding, cheeks flushing a bright, involuntary shade of red. “Calliope!” she hissed, trying not to draw attention their way. “You said PG! That is _not_ PG!”

Callie answered with a husky chuckle, turning her gaze forward again as she sipped on her straw, not budging her hand.

“You’re supposed to keep your hands to yourself,” Arizona murmured in a shaky voice.

“I specifically told _you_ to keep your hands to yourself,” Callie pointed out, “I said nothing about me.”

Arizona took in a shallow breath, forcing her attention back to her drink. For such a simple touch, it suddenly felt as though her leg was on fire – the kind of fire that burned in a very good, very distracting way. She tried without success to ignore it, knowing that she was on the verge of breaking into a sweat if Callie didn’t let up sometime soon.

Glancing sideways, Callie couldn’t help but love how easy it was to make the blonde squirm. “You okay there, Dr. Robbins?” she asked innocently.

“Peachy,” Arizona said evenly, her voice cracking. More colour rose in her cheeks and she cleared her throat as a distraction. She tried to fish more whipped cream out of her glass with the straw but her hand was shaking too hard.

It had been a very long time since anyone had even remotely touched her like that. It was a little embarrassing how hard it was to think straight with Callie doing it now; she wasn’t usually so easily flustered. It was just her leg, which was fully clothed given that they were in public. She felt pathetic for getting so worked up over it, even if the hand was nice and warm.

The brunette released a content sigh and checked the watch on her left wrist. “Well, if you’re good, we should probably head out shortly. I’ve got lots more to show you today.”

“I bet you do,” Arizona murmured under her breath, trying not to smile as she avoided eye contact.

Callie smirked and squeezed her hand harder, standing up from her stool and leaning into Arizona’s personal space. She bent over just enough to whisper “I’ll be right back,” into her ear, lips brushing against smooth skin before she released her and walked towards the bathroom.

Arizona felt a hard throb between her legs, her body betraying any efforts to remain unaffected. She closed her eyes, frozen to the diner stool. That sure as hell was not ‘PG’ in her mind.

Callie knew that she was more than a little pent up after a very long, self-imposed dry spell. Between the touching and Callie’s intoxicating scent as she purposefully rubbed up against her...

Whimpering, Arizona dropped her forehead against the counter.

Callie: one. Herself: zero.

***

After pulling it together, Arizona thoroughly enjoyed the next part of their little adventure. Callie was a real sweetheart and decided that she needed to get to know the city if she was going to be staying in it for a while, something she hadn’t been able to do yet. The view from her hospital room was about as far as her knowledge on Seattle went – two apartment buildings and a pizzeria down below.

They drove around town and Callie pointed out various attractions and famous landmarks, as well as a few local things that weren’t covered in the tourist books. She was a good guide and Arizona appreciated the opportunity to get her bearings – not to mention the good company she was graced with while doing do. They didn’t go up the Space Needle, but they did drive by and promise each other a trip to the top someday soon, when Arizona had more energy to spare. They still had plenty of stops to make before the day was done and Callie didn’t want to wear her out.

She took Arizona to Pike Place Market and they wandered around for a while, browsing art galleries and various novelty shops. She pointed out the original Starbucks, much to Arizona’s delight, and bought her an extra strong latte in celebration of their afternoon abroad.

Arizona had _missed_ coffee. Fresh, not-brewed-in-a-hospital coffee, to be precise. It had been months since she had drunk anything but the mud they served at Seattle Grace. She guzzled the latte down within five minutes, the caffeine going straight to her system and energizing her for another round of travel.

Callie made a mental note to caffeinate the blonde more often – though her ‘perk’ meter just about maxed out during the next half hour, seeing Arizona full of energy and grinning from ear to ear made her heart sing. It was such a drastic and welcomed change from the unhappy woman that had been cooped up in bed for five straight months.

She convinced Arizona that they could come back to the market another time; it was too big to do all in one day while she was still on crutches. Arizona inquired a few times about the last location she was being taken to but Callie kept her mouth shut and smiled secretively.

“I can’t remember the last time I had this much fun,” Arizona said with a happy sigh, following Callie back to her car. “I mean literally, I can’t. Going out in public and exploring is practically a foreign concept these days.”

“I’ll make a note to take you out more often,” Callie said. “You don’t want to get any paler than you already are.”

Arizona pouted. “It’s not like I’ve been able to go sun tanning,” she whined.

“I’m kidding,” Callie laughed, hooking a finger through one of Arizona’s belt loops and giving it a playful tug. “You look gorgeous, even when you’re pasty.”

“Gee, thanks,” Arizona mused, sticking her tongue out. Callie laughed as she guided her into the front seat of the car.

She fell silent on the drive out of downtown, shooting Arizona the occasional glance and watching her fidget. Arizona kept waiting for them to turn onto a busy street or somewhere in the center of all the action, but soon enough they were clear of tall buildings all together, the car winding up a gravel road at the edge of the city.

“You’re not taking me into the woods to murder me, are you?”

Smirking, Callie turned right and pulled into a small parking lot. She put the car in park, turned the ignition off and shifted in her seat to gaze intently at the other woman. “Are you up for a small walk? It’s not too far, I promise.”

Arizona nodded, getting a little distracted by Callie’s smile. “Sure, as long as you don’t let me fall flat on my face.”

“You know I’d never let anything happen to you,” Callie replied seriously, reaching for her hand. “We’ll go slow, and if you get too tired I’ll carry you,” she added with a wink.

Arizona grinned crookedly and nodded. “Okay.” She followed the brunette’s lead and clambered out of the car.

Walking around to the passenger's side, Callie placed a hand on the small of Arizona’s back to steady her, giving her as much time as she needed to get settled. Arizona adjusted the crutches under her arms and together they set off, with the blonde curiously taking in their surroundings. They appeared to be on the edge of a park or some sort of naturally wooded area.

“This is beautiful. I didn’t think there would be so much greenery in the middle of a huge city.”

“Seattle is very green and very beautiful,” Callie agreed, watching her like a hawk as they took their time starting up a gradual incline. She was suddenly worrying that even a small hill would be a bigger problem than she had realized.

“Where are we going?”

“Just keep walking and accept the fact that you’re going to be surprised whether you like it or not.”

“I don’t like surprises. I’m a control freak; surprises are like kryptonite.”

“You can trust me, that’s all you need to know.”

“I do trust you,” Arizona stated. “I’m a trusting kind of gir–” She stuck one of her crutches into a gopher hole and pitched forward, stumbling sideways into Callie, who caught her and just barely kept them both from collapsing.

“Oop!” Callie steadied the blonde before she could damage something permanently. “You’re also a huge klutz," she chuckled, propping Arizona upright again. "Be careful, I worked hard on that leg.”

Arizona turned bright red and grumbled under her breath as she re-stabilized. So much for not making a fool of herself tonight, she thought miserably.

“You’ve got three left feet with those things," Callie teased, hoping to keep the mood light. "What am I gonna do with you?”

Arizona blushed even harder. “Take me out back and shoot me,” she mumbled under her breath, yanking her crutch out of the stupid hole.

Callie grabbed her by the hips, gingerly turning her around and stepping closer. “Hey, none of that. I’m sorry, I was only kidding. You’re not a klutz.”

A blonde brow quirked upwards in disbelief.

“Okay, so you’re kind of a klutz,” Callie amended, “but don’t feel bad about it. Crutches are awkward and no one likes using them.”

“I was hoping to get through the day without slowing you down,” Arizona sighed dejectedly. “I’m sorry.”

Callie rubbed a hand up and down Arizona's side, hoping to bring her some comfort. “What did I say about using that word?” she gently reminded her. “You don’t have to apologize to me. I’m having a great time and going slow doesn’t bother me. You’re worth it.”

Arizona was still a bit embarrassed but her spirits lifted at Callie’s words. She mustered up a shaky smile and pivoted forward again with new resolve. “Are we there yet?”

With a hand on her back Callie carefully guided her up the gravel pathway. It was a small incline but definitely more noticeable when she was with someone on crutches. She began to feel a little bad for taking Arizona here, realizing it probably wasn’t the smartest idea she had come up with all day.

Despite the small hike, Arizona continued to look determined and showed no indication of wanting to stop. A bead of sweat rolled down her forehead after a few minutes and her arms strained against the crutches.

“Here we go,” Callie said reassuringly, gripping her arm for added support. As she spoke, they broke the top of the hill and came upon a quiet park, sparsely populated with large trees and several benches lining the top of the valley. The closest one was stationed just off of the pathway, facing the downtown Seattle skyline.

The view was breath-taking. “Wow,” Arizona murmured, stopping for a moment just to take things in. “This is beautiful.”

The setting sun painted the sky with a myriad of pinks, purples, reds and oranges, shimmering off of skyscrapers and creating quite the visual effect. It was the perfect vision of something that Arizona hadn't been able to see in a long, long time.

She wobbled in place, her arms and legs burning from the ridiculous amount of effort she had just expended to get here. Callie hurriedly slipped an arm around her waist, steadying her and steering them towards the nearest bench.

Arizona sat down with a thankful groan, setting her crutches to the side as Callie came around to sit on her left. The city stretched out endlessly in front of them, slowly entering that in-between stage where it was starting to get dark but the lights had a few hours yet before coming on.

“How did you find this place?” Arizona asked, tearing her eyes away from the view.

"I stumbled onto it a few years ago," Callie replied. "I need a break from the craziness every once in a while, so sometimes I come out here and just sit. Occasionally I walk, but usually I'm too tired from work."

"Walking is overrated," Arizona chuckled, pulling her jacket tighter around her torso as a small breeze kicked up. "Sitting is nice."

Callie noticed the shiver and slid an arm around her date's shoulders. Arizona took the invitation and snuggled up against her side, glad for the excuse to get closer. They sat in comfortable silence for a long moment, watching the sunset and enjoying each other's company.

A soft sigh escaped Arizona's lips and she lay her head down on Callie's shoulder. "This is perfect. _Today_ was perfect. Thank you."

Callie closed her eyes and rested her cheek against the top of Arizona's head. “This is pretty nice,” she agreed. Her earlier apprehension had all but completely faded away, replaced with a feeling of contentment.

Arizona resisted the urge to fall asleep in her current position, tired from exerting herself but too in the moment to give in to the urge. "You have no idea how much I needed this. It feels like I’ve been living in a box since last Christmas. Everything here is just so...green." She shook her head in amazement. “It’s been so long since I’ve been able to appreciate the colour green.”

“I can imagine,” Callie replied, circling her fingertips where her hand curved around to rest along Arizona’s bicep.

"It's funny how we take things like fresh grass for granted," Arizona continued. "I don't think I ever appreciated it before."

"Was it really brown in-" Callie faltered on saying the name. "-over there?"

"Where I was stationed, yes.” Arizona kept her head resting comfortably where it was. "There was a lot of drought the last few years. And when a country is in the middle of a destructive war, watering the plants with what little you have left is the last thing on anyone's mind."

Arizona fell silent again. More questions burned on the tip of Callie's tongue, but the blonde showed no inclination of wanting to talk more about her experiences in Iraq and she wasn't about to push the subject so soon.

Besides, she liked the fact that they didn't always have to be talking for things to feel comfortable. Callie already found herself enjoying Arizona's quiet company just as much as when they were flirting over the phone. Thinking back to that conversation and why they were here in the first place, she smiled into the blonde’s hair.

"So, that letter…”

Arizona closed her eyes and groaned, turning her face into Callie’s shoulder. “Please don’t make fun of me. I know it was super cheesy and incredibly lame.”

“Not at all,” Callie protested. “It was beautiful.” She tightened her arm around Arizona’s shoulders and rubbed a hand up and down her jacket sleeve. “What you wrote meant a lot to me. No one has ever done anything like that before.”

Lifting her head, Arizona managed a sheepish smile, glancing shyly at her lap. "I've never been great at talking when I'm nervous or stressed out. Writing what I wanted to say always felt more comfortable." She snuck a glance at Callie, finding those dark brown eyes fixated on her own. "I'm glad it didn't make you gag."

“Hardly,” Callie said, giving her shoulders another squeeze.

“I meant what I said, you know,” Arizona added after a beat. “I want to know more about you. You...fascinate me, and yet you’re still like this big mystery. All I really know is that you’re a Dolphins fan and you happen to break bones for a living. And that you're an amazing kisser."

“I’m the mystery?” Callie cocked an eyebrow. “Says the woman who’s so secretive I know next to nothing about her.”

“That’s not true,” Arizona countered. “You know I like _The Sound of Music_ , which not many people do. And that I love milkshakes. And that I’ve lived in practically every state this country has to offer at some point in my life.”

“Okay, I’ll give you those," Callie admitted, "but you never really talk about yourself. I respect that, I do," she quickly added, "but it doesn’t mean that I’m not curious. I feel like I know you, just not a lot _about_ you. Does that make sense?”

Arizona twisted to the left, pulling her good leg underneath her and facing the other woman. The move pulled Callie’s arm from around her shoulders, though she left it resting against the back of the bench. Arizona reached out to gently take her other hand, lacing their fingers together and pulling them into her lap. "I get what you mean. I guess I've always been a pretty private person; talking about my personal life doesn't come naturally." Despite the admission, she flashed Callie a warm smile. "What do you want to know?”

“Hmm, where to start,” Callie teased, pursing her lips and tilting her head thoughtfully to the side. “I already know what your favourite ice cream is. How about your first pet?”

“First?” Arizona pondered that. “That would probably be Squeaky.” She paused. “A squirrel.”

Callie stared.

“I’m serious!” Arizona said earnestly. “I was six and we were living in Oceanside, California while my dad was training new recruits at Camp Pendleton. There was this squirrel always running along our back fence, so I started sneaking peanuts out onto our deck. My parents humoured me for a while and let me sit out there with him eating from my hand.”

“Something tells me that didn’t last very long.”

“About six months.” Arizona bit her bottom lip. “I kind of let him into our kitchen when it was raining really hard one day. I, um...didn’t want him to catch a cold.”

Callie’s eyes widened. “Yikes. I’m sure your mom and dad thought that was awesome.”

“Oh, I think the only reason the Colonel didn’t kill me was because he was too preoccupied chasing it around our house for three hours,” Arizona giggled. “I actually don’t know what happened to old Squeaks after that.” Her expression darkened. “I try not to think about what dad did with him.”

Callie winced, having a pretty good idea. “FYI - I like pets, but I’m not into rodents.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Shaking her head with amusement, Callie moved on to the next question before Arizona could dwell on the ill-fate of her old squirrely friend. “So, Oceanside, huh? I think that’s like the fourth city name I’ve heard you mention living. Do you even have a hometown?”

“Nope,” Arizona replied, shaking her head. “We moved around a _lot_. But like I told you back when we first met, our family settled in San Diego for just over two years right before I went to university. With my folks back there now, it kind of became like a delayed home base for Tim and I. I went back there for summer holidays and stuff.”

This was one of the rare times Callie had heard Arizona mention her brother, so she cautiously jumped at the chance to inquire further. “Were you and your brother always close?”

She could see something flicker in Arizona’s eyes but the blonde broke eye contact as she inhaled a steadying breath.

“Yeah, we were. He was the only one that was ever constantly around when I was a kid, so we kind of stuck together every time we moved. We were the same age and similar enough in personality that we hung out with the same crowds of people. It was nice having someone I could always count on.”

Callie squeezed Arizona’s hand supportively and laced their fingers together. “I never had a brother, but I always used to beat up dumb kids that picked on Aria. Even though she was a pain in my ass and we never really got along that well.”

Arizona smiled, and while there was still an underlying sadness to it, she wasn’t disengaging from the conversation, Callie was thrilled to notice. “Tim tried to do the same for me.”

“Tried?” Callie echoed.

Arizona’s smile widened, a far off look in her eyes. “I remember this one time some dumb boys were pushing me around on the playground. I think we were living in Jacksonville for a few months at the time. One of them kept pulling on my pigtails, so I took a page from Dad’s Marine training manual and turned around swinging.”

Callie had the greatest time picturing an adorable miniature Arizona with blonde pigtails and innocent blue eyes slugging someone in the face with her tiny fist. She had always known Arizona was a woman that took care of herself; it didn’t surprise her that she had been that way as a child, too.

“The other kid cried, I got dragged into the teacher’s office, but Timothy told them that he did it.” Arizona laughed at the memory. “We were kind of ridiculous sometimes. It was awesome.”

There wasn’t much that Callie could say; she could tell that Arizona was still deeply hurt over losing her brother, but other than supporting her, she didn’t think that anything she said or did would help. “Speaking as your treating physician, you’re still kind of ridiculous sometimes. But I liked that about you; you were feisty. Even when you had bad days and your leg was killing you, you somehow managed to keep looking forward.”

“Are you kidding?” Arizona challenged in disbelief. “I was horrible. I’m pretty sure the nurses hated me for being such a cranky jerk with them all the time.”

“I didn’t say you were loved all around,” Callie laughed, “but at least you refrained from taking my head off most of the time.”

Arizona grimaced. “Have I mentioned how much of an ass I feel like looking back?”

“Nah, you weren’t that bad,” Callie replied, stroking her thumb along the side of Arizona’s hand. “Trust me, I’ve had worse patients. Morphine screws with a lot of people’s emotions; you weren’t alone.”

She paused, blushing at her next words. “I actually thought you were incredibly brave throughout the whole thing. You had already gone through so much and yet there you were, fighting like hell to get through more. Without much of a support system by your side, either.”

Arizona gazed adoringly at Callie. “I had you,” she said softly.

Callie tried to keep it together, butterflies flapping away full-force in her stomach. "I'm glad I could help, even if it was just a little," she admitted. When Arizona flashed that heart-stopping smile her way again, she nearly melted into a puddle of goo right then and there.

If Arizona noticed, she didn't say anything or poke fun. "C'mon, this is your opportunity to grill me. I'll give you three more questions."

Trying to save face, Callie mustered up whatever coherent brain cells she had left to think of something smart. "Cats or dogs?" she asked lamely, wishing she had something more insightful to inquire about but needing a moment to gather her thoughts.

Arizona pondered that. “We had a German shepherd named Spartacus when I was eleven. I really loved him.”

“Spartacus?”

“Yeah,” Arizona giggled. “My brother wanted a big tough beast of a dog but it turned out that Sparty was a giant marshmallow instead. He would play with us outside when we were kids and let us crawl all over him.”

“Aww," Callie gushed, imagining the very same mini-Robbins riding around on the back of a giant dog.

"What about you?"

"We had a few smaller dogs over the years, but they were mostly my mom's babies," Callie said. "I like the idea of having a big puppy someday, though. What about you?"

"Dogs are good," Arizona replied with a nod. "But I’ve kind of always wanted some chickens in the backyard, too."

Callie thought she had heard wrong. "Come again? You want a pet chicken?"

Arizona grinned sheepishly. "I said I want _chickens_ , as in plural. It's a thing."

"You're a little strange sometimes.”

"My grandfather had a coop on his farm, okay? I’ve always loved the idea of fresh eggs in the morning," Arizona laughed.

"And meat?"

Her eyes widened and she shook her head adamantly. "Oh no, there will be no eating of the chickens. Just the eggs."

Laughing, Callie stored that information in the back of her brain for later processing. "Okay then. Has a thing for chickens, got it. Next question-"

"Better make it count, you only have two left."

Callie furrowed her brow and mulled it over for a moment, then came up with something that she had been wondering about since yesterday.

"Your letter made it sound like you've written them before. Why? What started it?"

Arizona was a little bit surprised but didn't shy away from the question. Opening up to Callie and talking about Tim made it easier to tell her more about their close-knit relationship before his passing.

She looked down at her lap and absently picked at one of her fingernails. "Timothy and I used to exchange letters when he was with the Marines. He joined right out of the academy and did his first tour of duty before he was nineteen. Email wasn't a huge thing back then, so we started writing letters. Even when email became popular, he preferred getting paper letters instead, so it just kind of became our thing. Right up until…" She trailed off, not wanting to completely derail the conversation by dwelling on her brother's death.

Arizona also left out the part where she still wrote to him sometimes, even though she knew he would never read any of it. She wasn't embarrassed, it was just a very personal thing that no one else knew about. No matter how much she trusted Callie, she wasn't ready to talk about certain parts of her life yet. She didn’t know if she would ever be.

“You guys must have been close,” Callie said quietly, all traces of her earlier amusement gone.

“We were twins,” Arizona confirmed with a nod. “He was the one person I could talk to about anything, no matter what we were doing or where in the world we were. He was my best friend and losing him was...” Again her sentence died off, so she finished with a half shrug and looked away.

“I’m sorry,” Callie whispered, reaching out to place a comforting hand on Arizona’s knee.

"Thanks,” she murmured, willing herself to keep a brave face. She pushed through the heaviness in her chest and flashed the brunette a brighter smile. "One question left."

Callie debated her options for a while, forming a thought in her mind that she wasn't one-hundred percent sure she was allowed to ask.

Arizona could see her hesitation and covered the hand on her knee with one of her own. "It's okay, Calliope. You can ask me anything."

Nodding, Callie licked her lips and did so. "What was the last thing you guys talked about before he passed away?"

Arizona stiffened and broke eye contact again, pulling her hand back and tugging her jacket tighter around her torso as an excuse.

 

~~

 

_"You're being completely unreasonable! Grow up, Arizona." Timothy’s fist collides with the top of her kitchen counter, balled up and shaking. There’s a vein pulsing along his temple, Arizona notes with satisfaction. Good. Let him be pissed off. He’s overstepping his bounds and a coronary would suit him well right now._

_"Screw you, Tim. You don't just get to walk in here and tell me how to live my life.”_

_“Someone obviously has to, because you’ve lost your damn mind!”_

_“Get out of my house.” Her voice is thin, brittle. She’ll snap if he tries her patience._

_"I'm the one who picked up the fucking pieces last time, in case you forgot what happened.” He rounds the edge of the counter, blocking her immediate escape. “She's a fucking psycho and she's using you. Why don’t you get that?”_

_Arizona crosses her arms and holds her ground, glowering at him. “I said get out of my house.”_

_Timothy takes her by the shoulders, a firm yet careful grip, shaking her once ever so slightly. “Zona, **please** , just listen to me. You’re not–”_

_“Your marriage didn’t even last two years!” she yells, reaching her breaking point, shoving his arms away. “You’re not exactly one to be giving out relationship advice, Timothy!”_

_It’s mean and horrible and she regrets it almost the moment she says it, but she’s just as stubborn as he is and crosses her arms in bitter defiance. She is so angry she feels like she’s going to cry, an annoying habit that tends to hinder her case in situations like these._

_Unlike her, he has a good poker face, and she cannot for the life of her read his reaction. But he throws up his hands in surrender and turns almost immediately, heading for the back door the way he came. “Fine. Have a nice life. Call me when she cheats on you again.”_

_Arizona bites back a reply she is not sure will come out spiteful or apologetic. Her eyes follow his back until the slamming door cuts off her view, leaving her in the stark quietness of an empty house._

 

~~

 

"Arizona?"

She looked up from staring a hole through the bench, finding Callie watching her closely, concern in her eyes. Brought out of her reverie, Arizona blinked a few times and scrambled to recover the conversation. "We, um…we didn't talk much the last month of his tour. I was absorbed in the beginning of my peds fellowship and his unit was in a pretty remote area, so…"

Callie frowned but responded with a quiet "Oh". Arizona had gone somewhere after she had asked that question; she saw it with her own eyes. She tried to ignore the sinking sensation that whatever doors had been opened prior to this moment had just been slammed shut again.

As though privy to Callie's inner most worries, Arizona took her hand and traced a thumb over the back of it, letting her know that she was still very much in the present. "So, did you get enough juicy information to tie you over for a while? Because I'm pretty sure it's my turn to ask the tough questions." She flashed that same dimple-popping smile as before, only this time Callie noticed that said dimples were much less pronounced.

"Should I be afraid?" she joked, trying to let her worries go for now.

"I can start off with the easy stuff if you'd like."

"You also knew more about me than I did you, so you can jump ahead a few chapters.”

Arizona chewed on her bottom lip, studying her for a long moment before speaking. "True, but it’s only fair if I start off slow. I’ll make it a lightning round – childhood best friend, favourite vacation spot, and craziest thing you’ve ever done.”

Callie felt her spirits lift with just one look into the blonde’s sparkling blue eyes. “Childhood friend, huh? I’d have to say Adam and Danielle Connors. They were brother and sister, and their mom managed one of my father’s Miami hotels. The three of us hung out a lot until they moved away when I was ten or eleven.”

Arizona was excited to have gotten more information out of that question than she had anticipated – Callie’s dad sounded like some big wig hotel owner, a tidbit of information she had avoided discussing up until now. Arizona definitely couldn’t picture her date going into the family business; it wasn’t Callie’s thing. She was much more suited to being a surgeon.

“Vacation spot?”

“New York,” Callie answered without hesitation. “We used to go for Christmas every few years, and sometimes in the summer, too. It’s amazing, I can’t even describe how much I love it there.”

“Then why did you come to Seattle?” Arizona asked curiously. “You could’ve gotten a residency placement at Langone Medical Center or New York-Presbyterian.”

Callie shrugged. “I went to Brown for my undergrad, so I did enough weekend trips to tie me over I guess. I don’t know. Seattle Grace was known for its amazing teaching program and I liked the idea of living on the west coast for a change. New York is somewhere I go to relax and not think about work; does that make sense?”

“Definitely,” Arizona agreed, tugging on her jacket sleeve. “I guess that leaves the craziest thing you’ve ever done.”

Callie didn’t even attempt to hide a smug grin. “I fell for a patient.”

Arizona wore a matching one and scooted closer on the bench. “Good answer.”

“Those were simple,” Callie said with a happy sigh. “Gimme something harder.”

Turning the other woman’s palm over in her hands, Arizona traced her fingertips down the center, following along with her eyes. “Who’s Erica?”

That was something Callie hadn’t been expecting. She was taken back and it took a moment for her to gather her jumbled thoughts together. “How did you hear her name?”

Arizona looked up almost shyly. “I lived in Seattle Grace for over two months. People talk.”

Callie closed her eyes and groaned. She hated how information got passed around that place quicker than syphilis.

“I’m sorry,” Arizona sighed, lifting a hand to trace Callie’s cheek with her fingertips. “I heard you two mentioned in the same sentence a few times and got curious.”

“It’s okay, I said you could ask the hard stuff,” Callie replied with a shaky smile. She took in a deep breath. “Erica is…was...she was my first,” she stuttered, immediately blushing. “My first, y’know. Not my _first_ first, just–”

“The first woman you were ever with,” Arizona clarified, smiling as Callie continued to look flustered. “It’s okay, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. We’ve all had that experience.”

Callie nodded, playing with her thumb ring as she thought about it some more. “Erica was...a lot of things. Strong, brilliant, hardcore to a fault, but she was also a mistake.” Her brow furrowed. “I was a resident and she was an attending when we met. We cared about each other but we had very different views on a lot of things.”

“Uh-oh, we’re in trouble,” Arizona teased, earning herself a nudge in the ribs.

“I guess to get to Erica I have to tell you about George first.” Sighing, Callie stole a quick glance, not at all optimistic about having this conversation.

“George?” Arizona echoed, blinking in surprise. “You were with a guy named _George_?”

“Is it really that surprising?”

“Hey, I’m not judging about gender, I just...George sounds so plain and boring. Nothing like someone I’d expect you to date.”

“I married him.”

Arizona’s mouth fell open. “You were _married?_ To a George?”

Callie sighed again. This was going to go _so_ well. “Yes, I married a guy named George. O’Malley. You’re not the first person to react like that, either.”

“How did I not know this?” Arizona sounded a little upset that she was only just learning this important piece of information now.

“It’s not like we went out of our way to talk about past relationships,” Callie pointed out. “I swear I wasn’t trying to keep it from you or anything; it was a short marriage and it never had a hope in hell of working out. We were stupid and it was a spur-of-the-moment decision.”

“I feel like I’m missing the details here – back up a little.”

Callie had to steady herself again. “Okay, here’s the cliff notes version – George’s dad died when our relationship was kind of up in the air and it made him decide that he wanted to get married. So, being incredibly stupid, I eloped to Vegas with him and we got hitched by Elvis.”

Arizona’s mouth fell open. Callie promptly closed it with two fingers under her chin.

“At the time I thought I loved him, but he never really loved me. He was in love with his best friend, Izzie, who was in love with a patient of hers.” Callie waited for Arizona to process and catch up with the story before continuing.

“The patient needed a heart transplant, and to make an even longer, more complicated explanation short, Izzie cut his LVAD wire. He was pushed ahead on the list, in front of another guy – a guy that happened to be Erica’s patient at another hospital. Izzie’s boyfriend got the heart but ended up dying anyway. She was disciplined, then eventually hired back. End of drama part one.”

“Part one?” Arizona lifted a skeptical eyebrow. “There are parts to this story?”

“You have no idea.”

Arizona whistled under her breath. “Wow. That place is like a soap opera.”

“You have no idea,” Callie repeated, laughing. “The patient boyfriend ended up dying. Izzie was heartbroken, George’s dad died, George was her best friend – you get the idea. Next thing I knew, we were married in Vegas, and then he started spending more time with Izzie than with me.”

Callie’s eyes hardened and she looked away, remembering how painful that time in her life had been. “I knew he was cheating on me, I _knew_ it, but I convinced myself that I was stupid, and that I didn’t want to be one of those insecure women that accused their husband of cheating every time he so much as blinked at another woman.” She swallowed thickly. “Turns out I _was_ stupid – but not wrong. They fooled around behind my back for a while before he had the guts to tell me.”

Arizona felt a flare of anger for the first time since the day had started. “That little rat,” she murmured. “He used you.”

The look on Callie’s face broke her heart and made her want to kill George O’Malley even though she didn’t know him. “He was an idiot, Callie.”

“Yeah, I guess,” she mumbled, blushing and looking down at her lap. “It was a stupid mistake, anyway. It wasn’t a big deal.”

“No.” Arizona reached out and grasped Callie by the chin, gently tugging her eyes back up to meet her own. “He was an _idiot_. He didn’t see what a great thing he had in front of him, and you didn’t deserve to be treated that way. It _was_ a big deal.” She traced her thumb along the side of her chin.

Just that simple touch produced enormous butterflies in Callie’s stomach, and she felt herself beginning to smile despite the subject matter. “Thank you. That means a lot to me.”

Arizona smiled softly and leaned in to press a soft kiss right where her thumb had just been. She wanted a kiss on the lips, but that was supposed to be under Callie’s terms if she remembered correctly. 

Once some of the tension left the woman’s shoulders, Arizona sat back and held her hand. “Please, continue.”

Callie nodded and released a soft breath, encouraged by Arizona’s supportive reaction so far. “Erica Hahn was hired on as the new Head of Cardio. I barely remember how we met the first time, but somehow we became friends. We spent a ton of time together and ended up getting really close. She was tough and rude and fierce, but she was a loyal friend and I needed one after George.”

She smiled to herself. “I don’t know when it happened, but suddenly I was having feelings for her that went beyond friendship. I tried to deny it, and then...” She shrugged. “I ended up kissing her in the middle of a parking lot.”

Arizona’s anger about George and his treatment of Callie had faded a little and she found herself smiling again. “That sounds just like you.” She brought the hand to her lips and pressed a kiss to the back of it. “Brash, forward, taking what you want. It’s very sexy.”

Callie blushed again. “It wasn’t so sexy at the time, believe me.” Clearing her throat, she continued. “We were both freaking out and totally new at the whole gay love thing, but eventually we got comfortable together. Happy, even. Until her old transplant patient showed up at Seattle Grace and she found out about the stolen heart from two years ago.”

“That must’ve gone over well.”

“Not at all,” Callie sighed. “Everyone was just so tired of it, myself included. The last thing the hospital needed was for that subject to get dragged up again. So we fought about it and somewhere along the way it turned into a raging war about her insecurities. She threw a bunch of stuff in my face about how I couldn’t just be ‘kind of a lesbian’ because I wasn’t going to apologize for being bisexual. She ended it in the middle of the parking lot and walked away. Her locker was clear the next morning and she was gone, her phone disconnected. I haven’t heard from her since.”

The wounds were still raw and even though spilling her guts to Arizona was both embarrassing and therapeutic, Callie felt drained. It had all happened recently enough that it still hurt to think about the way she felt when Erica unceremoniously dumped her cold.

Arizona’s heart went out to her. “I’m so sorry,” she murmured softly, leaning into Callie’s side. “That must’ve been really hard.”

“Yeah,” Callie answered faintly, not quite making eye contact. “It sucked.”

Arizona studied her closely and suddenly a piece of the puzzle fell into place.

“That’s exactly what I did to you.” She swallowed hard, feeling like the world’s biggest jerk all over again. She understood Callie’s reluctance to give her a second chance even more now – it wasn’t the first time she had been left hanging that way.

“Calliope, I am _so_ sorry,” Arizona whispered, bringing her hands up to cradle the brunette’s face between them. She instinctively leaned in and pressed a soft, loving kiss to her lips, holding them there and tuning out the world around them.

Callie’s eyes fluttered closed and she sighed into the kiss. It wasn’t as flashy or as feverish as the one two weeks ago, but it was perfect in every way and felt just as she had imagined it would. She felt every bit of what Arizona was trying to tell her without any more words being necessary.

It only lasted for a few seconds, but it was long enough to make Callie’s lips permanently tingle when they eventually pulled away. It took her a moment to find her voice again.

“I’m not dwelling on it anymore and neither should you,” she said, resting her forehead against Arizona’s and basking in their closeness. “You aren’t Erica. You had your reasons for hesitating, even if I didn’t understand them.”

Arizona stayed silent and right where she was, stroking her thumbs along Callie’s jaw line. The quietness of the moment settled in around them, rustling leaves the only other sound on the hill.

“So, to sum up,” Callie continued after a breath of silence, finally managing to smile, “I got married, cheated on, divorced, became a lesbian, got dumped, drank a whole lot of tequila, met a Marine surgeon, sort of got dumped again, and now we’re sitting outside curled up on a bench together. I think it turned out okay in the end.”

Arizona brushed her noses together. “From here on out you’re taken care of, I promise. I know how good I’ve got it and I’ll never take you for granted again. You’re mine.” She smiled, knowing in her heart of hearts how true that really was.

Callie shivered and released a short breath. “I’m not easy to be with, you should know that. I think Erica and George are pretty good testaments to that.”

“Hey.” Arizona’s eyes popped open and she glared fiercely. “Don’t talk like that, okay? I mean it.” She refused to let Callie turn away, keeping her face gently but firmly between her hands.

“Those two? They were stupid. Me two weeks ago? _I_ was stupid. Don’t ever think that their issues or mine had anything to do with you, all right? You just got stuck with some screwed up, selfish people that were too dumb to see what was right in front of them.”

“You need to stop saying that,” Callie admonished. “Nothing about you is screwed up, Arizona. Don’t compare yourself to them.”

“I’m not,” Arizona replied, giving Callie’s head a gentle tug with her hands. “But _I’m_ not exactly easy to be with. Nightmares, panic attacks, abandonment issues, the list goes on.”

“I don’t care that stuff,” Callie said without hesitation. “It doesn’t make me want you any less.”

She locked eyes with Arizona, lips parting a fraction. She couldn’t look away even if she wanted to.

_Fuck the rules._

She curled her fingers around the back of Arizona’s neck and pulled their lips together in a deeper, needier kiss than before. She snaked an arm around the blonde’s waist, leaning into her warm body and exhaling softly through her nose.

Arizona melted into embrace and grasped the front of Callie’s jacket, bunching it in her fists again. She closed her eyes and gladly reciprocated, granting entrance to her mouth.

They barely parted for more than a second, taking in shallow breaths before crashing their lips back together. Arizona pressed forward, deepening the kiss, keeping it slow and steady as they explored one another all over again.

Callie dug her fingers into Arizona’s sides, slipping them just underneath her jacket to brush her thumb across a flat stomach. The other hand lifted to cradle the blonde’s cheek in her palm, urging her closer.

Arizona reacted with a low groan, losing track of everything else around them. Not only had she been thinking of nothing else for fifteen straight days, but somehow Callie tasted even sweeter than she remembered.

The desire to taste and feel one another was heating up with surprising intensity, and Callie was starting to think they might do something extremely naughty for a public place when the unmistakable sound of screaming children reached their ears.

Perfect.

She groaned in exasperation and forced herself away from Arizona’s warm lips, heart pounding violently inside of her chest. Her eyes never left the piercing blue gaze mere centimetres away from her own as a gaggle of children and their parents came up the hill behind them.

“Figures,” Callie murmured, combing her fingers back through Arizona’s curls.

Arizona released a shaky breath. “I know.” She licked her lips and leaned her forehead into Callie’s.

Closing her eyes, Callie pulled in some much-needed oxygen through her nose, doing her best to shove her raging libido back down where it belonged. They didn’t want to move too fast, but god, it was hard not to.

“What do you say we get back to my place? _Our_ place,” Callie amended. “It’s warmer and we can grab dinner.”

Arizona nodded silently, knowing they really didn’t want to continue on with an audience full of tiny humans.

Callie dropped her hand to curve around the side of Arizona’s neck. “We should talk about what you moving in as a roommate would mean for our dating life, because I think we need rules. Otherwise...” She groaned longingly and didn’t need to complete that sentence.

“Yeah, otherwise,” Arizona agreed quietly, nodding once.

They moved apart simultaneously, and Arizona very carefully shifted a few inches to her right. “I guess I should probably meet Cristina, too.”

“Should? Yeah. Will you want to? Probably not.” Laughing even though she was still buzzing from the inside out, Callie stood up from the bench and cleared her throat. She extended a hand. “Can you make it back to the car?”

Arizona grabbed her crutches and smiled at the genuine concern in Callie’s voice. “I’ll be okay,” she assured. Taking the offered hand, she hauled herself to her feet and almost on instinct stole a quick, teasing kiss, momentarily stunning her date. “Take me home, Calliope.”

Loving the sound of that more than she could put into words, Callie grinned broadly and lead Arizona back down the pathway towards the car.


	5. Chapter 17

The car ride back to the apartment was full of light banter and easy conversation. Now that her nerves had faded, Arizona felt more relaxed than she had all week. Listening to Callie talk about Cristina and some of their other coworkers provided enough entertainment to keep her laughing as they rode the elevator up to the fourth floor. Callie was the perfect gentlewoman and real estate agent as she gave a quick run down of the building amenities and nearby locations for convenience. Arizona stood back as she led her to the end of the hall and took out her keys, jamming them into the deadbolt and letting them inside. 

“So – initial impressions?” Callie asked as she closed and locked the door behind them. She took Arizona’s jacket and bag, hanging them on the coat rack before doing the same with her own.

“It’s nice,” Arizona replied, kicking her shoes off with some difficulty and hobbling further into the room. She scanned the layout of the apartment, trying to decide whether or not she had ever pictured Callie living in this kind of space before. “It’s very…dark.”

“Dark?” Callie echoed, stepping into Arizona’s personal space and running a hand up her side. She followed her gaze, trying to pick out what exactly constituted use of the word ‘dark’. “Is that a bad thing?”

“I didn’t say that,” Arizona said, having some difficulty focusing with Callie standing so close. “It’s just – it could use an open window. Or…something.” She furrowed her brow.

Smirking, Callie moved across the room and pulled open the blinds covering the far window, allowing sunlight to spill across the grey carpet. “Better?”

Arizona chewed on her bottom lip and remained silent. Although it was indeed brighter than before, the chrome and black interior still absorbed any and all colour. It was taking a moment for her eyes to adjust.

Laughing at Arizona’s facial expression, Callie returned to her side and reached up to run her fingers through long, golden curls. “I see. So you’re the nit-picky type, huh? This is gonna be fun.”

“No, I swear,” Arizona objected, shaking her head vigorously. The last thing she wanted Callie to think was that she was ungrateful and complaining. “Dark is good! Dark is awesome. I’m just surprised, that’s all. I pictured you living in something a little less…cave-like.” Her eyes widened. “ _Not_ that cave-like is bad, it’s very stylish and ‘in’ these days. I’m not–”

Deciding that it was time to save Arizona before her good foot ended up crammed down her throat, Callie dipped her head and interrupted the stuttering with a kiss. It had the desired effect as Arizona immediately felt silent and melted into the embrace. Callie made a mental note to use this method more often.

Their lips were barely connected for more than a few seconds when Cristina decided to announce her presence.

“Blame Torres,” she said loudly, emerging from the nearby kitchen with a bowl of cereal in one hand and a headphone wire dangling from the other. Music blared loud enough for Arizona to wonder how she hadn’t gone deaf yet. Cristina plucked the second earpiece out and her voice immediately returned to a normal level. “She decorated it."

The resident paused in front of the couple, acting as though she had barely even noticed their public display of affection. She gave Arizona a blank look, sizing her up. “You're Callie’s fugitive patient.”

Arizona cleared her throat and nodded in response, subtly stepping away from Callie so she could focus on her potential new roommate. “Arizona Robbins. Nice to meet you, Dr. Yang.” Normally she would have offered to shake hands but she had already been warned not to on the way over.

Cristina cocked an eyebrow at the bizarre name but Callie silenced her with a deadly glare, quelling any snarky comments.

“Okay then." Cristina turned, flapping a hand in the direction of a back hallway. "The third bedroom is down there. It’s big and has an east facing window, but the closet is kind of small.” She smirked. "Ironically."

“Everything I currently own fits into a duffle bag,” Arizona pointed out. “I’m sure it’s more than enough space.”

“The apartment is usually cleaner than this,” Callie added, trying not to grimace when she saw the state that the couch and coffee table were in. “Cristina just so happens to be the biggest slob on the planet, and I’ve been working so much lately that I haven’t had time to clean up after her. Luckily she keeps the kitchen clear but that’s about as far as her housekeeping goes.”

“It’s not that bad,” Arizona said, though she was fighting the urge to grab a vacuum cleaner and suck up all of the food containers strewn around the television area. It wasn’t nearly as bad as other places she had seen in the past, she was just a bit of a neat freak – whether that was a part of her military upbringing or just an annoying personality trait she had picked up from her mother, she wasn’t entirely sure.

Cristina rolled her eyes. “Whatever. Just don’t have sex on the furniture and we’re golden.”

It was Arizona’s turn to look surprised. “Excuse me?”

“Callie and the last one had sex on the couch at least twice. I’m drawing a line.”

If looks could kill, Yang would be dead right now. “Cristina,” Callie growled out, gritting her teeth. She was suddenly wishing she hadn’t introduced Arizona to her roommate so soon; perhaps it would’ve been better to wait until _after_ she had moved in. If she was written into the lease, it would be harder to run away from Cristina’s abrasive personality.

“If you’re gonna bump genitals or whatever, then do it in your own room,” Cristina snapped. “No sex on my couch. _My_ couch. Period.”

Arizona looked amused. “Fair enough,” she replied, sneaking a sideways glance at Callie and making a note to inquire about that later. “We’ll keep it in the bedroom.”

Callie blushed and tried unsuccessfully to hide it. She was going to smother Cristina with a pillow the first chance she got.

“Anything weird about you I should know?” Cristina shoveled a spoonful of cereal into her mouth.

“Other than the fact that I’m disabled and one of you will have to carry me down the stairs if the building burns down?” Arizona pondered for a moment. “Honestly? I cook, I’m quiet and I have no friends. You won’t even know I’m here.”

“Perfect. Pay rent, keep your pants on, don’t touch my food, and we have a deal.” Cristina put her headphones back in.

“Sounds good.” Arizona watched Yang breeze by them, heading for her bedroom. A few seconds later she heard the door close. “I’m assuming that means she doesn’t hate me?”

“Cristina hates everyone,” Callie mused. “But you’re in, so the room is yours if you want it.” She tried not to look too hopeful.

“You’re making it really hard to say no,” Arizona replied, flashing her a sly smile. She tugged on the front of Callie’s shirt, fighting the urge to continue where they left off before the interruption. She mustered up some self-control and forced herself to turn around instead, knowing they had more to take care of before the kissing could resume.

“Where would I be sleeping?”

“This way.” Shaking off her libido’s demands, Callie led Arizona past the kitchen and down the small hallway to the back of the apartment. “My room is on the left and yours is right across the hall. It’s next to the bathroom we would share so you shouldn’t have too much trouble getting back and forth while you’re recovering.”

Steering Arizona up to the doorway, Callie pushed it open before taking a step back and remaining behind the threshold, allowing her to explore and come to her own conclusions. She figured hovering and talking incessantly about how great everything was would be counterproductive.

Arizona gazed around the big space and refrained from letting out a whoop of joy at the queen-size bed centered against the opposite wall. Considering the living conditions she was used to, this place was on par with the royal palace as far as she was concerned.

“It’s nothing special,” Callie said hurriedly, finding herself rather nervous as Arizona stayed silent during the inspection process. “The bedrooms aren’t huge or anything; we mostly got the place for the kitchen and living room. And the shower is pretty nice, too. The bathroom was redone about a year ago.”

Arizona stopped next to the bed and turned around, beaming with delight. “Nothing special? Clearly you haven’t seen the craphole I’ve been living in.” She tapped the bed with a crutch. “The mattress isn’t twenty-five years older than I am and you have both furniture and decent decorating taste. It’s perfect, Calliope.”

“Not too ‘dark’?”

Arizona’s smile widened. “No, it’s not too dark.”

Callie visibly relaxed, releasing a happy sigh. “I’m glad you like it.” She lifted an eyebrow. “Does this mean you’ll stay?”

Instead of answering, Arizona dropped her crutches to the floor, pivoted in place and jumped backward to flop on top of the sheets.

Callie cringed on reflex. “Watch the leg,” she scolded.

Arizona scooted up until she was in the center of the bed, then leaned back on her elbows. “As long as you swear you’re comfortable with it, I’m in. But _only_ if you’re not having any doubts, okay? This is a new experience for both of us. I can find an apartment close by just as easily.”

Doubts were the last thing on Callie’s mind right now. She was so relieved that she would be able to keep an eye on Arizona from now on that she couldn’t imagine her living anywhere else.

“I’m more than okay with you living here,” she said earnestly, coming over to recline next to her on the bed. She folded her hands over her stomach and stared up at the ceiling. “We still need to figure out how to do this without messing things up, though.”

Arizona nodded in agreement. “Right. We need rules so we don’t get ahead of ourselves.”

Callie turned her head towards the blonde, finding it hard not to smile like a giddy teenager. “I think we’ll be okay. It’s not like any of this has been orthodox from the beginning. We’ve proven that we’re good at adapting.”

“We are _very_ good at adapting,” Arizona agreed with a small laugh. She bit her lower lip and gazed adoringly at Callie. “Am I still allowed to kiss you?”

Callie answer by leaning across the short distance and covering Arizona’s smile with one. She meant for it to be short and sweet, but found herself unable to pull away after a few seconds passed. Arizona’s lips were intoxicating; she couldn’t get enough of her taste or her smell, or how soft her hair was whenever she ran her fingers through it.

Arizona gradually rolled to her left, allowing the kiss to deepen and freeing up a hand to explore Callie’s side. A soft moan escaped as she slid it underneath the hem of Callie’s black shirt, resting along the smooth curve of her hip.

Releasing a hard breath through her nose, Callie tangled her fingers in Arizona's hair, ignoring the warning signs that went off in the back of her mind. Given how hard they had already strained their self-control over the weeks and months spent getting to know each other, she knew how easy it would be to fall into the moment. Except that she found she didn’t care – this had been a long time coming as far as she was concerned, and given Arizona’s response, she knew they were pretty much on the same page.

Minding the injured leg, she rolled Arizona onto her back and followed the motion, breaking the kiss and hovering above her. She was unable to keep the smile from her face as her thumb gently traced along Arizona’s brow. “I’m really happy you’re here,” she said softly.

Arizona’s butterflies returned, swooping through her stomach as she lightly grasped Callie’s hips, meeting those stunning brown eyes with her own. She swallowed thickly and had a hard time breathing. “Me too.”

Callie lowered herself until they were kissing again, slower and deeper than before. She tried to keep most of her weight off of Arizona but the insistent hands tugging at her sides soon had their bodies contoured together. She released a groan into the kiss, her head spinning as she tried to absorb the sensations all at once.

Arizona only broke away when she needed to breathe, and even then it was made difficult as Callie's lips detoured down her neck.

“Callie, I-I,” she stuttered, her heart nearly pounding right through her ribcage. “I haven’t …”

“I know,” Callie murmured, nuzzling the crook of Arizona’s neck affectionately before forcing herself to pull back. “Are you okay?”

Arizona quirked an eyebrow. “That’s one way of putting it,” she mused, managing a smile even though she was shivering.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“Are you kidding?”

Chuckling, Callie stole another taste of Arizona’s lips before letting her catch her breath. “I’m not trying to sex you up; I’m just enjoying having you here with me.”

Pouting, Arizona splayed her fingers across the brunette’s bare skin, fingertips curving over her waist to draw small circles along her lower back. “You’re not?”

“No,” Callie smirked, sneaking another kiss. “That’s against the rules.”

“Which we haven’t made yet and are probably already breaking,” Arizona pointed out.

“I can live with that if you can,” Callie murmured, dipping back down to gently suck on Arizona’s throat.

The blonde’s eyes rolled back into her head before closing entirely. “M’kay,” she said hoarsely, far from complaining. The things Callie was doing to her body right now went so far beyond just kissing that it was embarrassing to admit. She subconsciously bunched the hem of the brunette’s t-shirt in her fists and gave it an upward pull.

Callie felt the implication and paused in what she was doing, taking a second to decide whether or not her next move was a smart idea. Knowing full well it would only serve to torture them both, she sat back anyway, straddling Arizona’s hips and pulling the shirt over her head, quickly discarding it to the side.

Arizona’s breath left her lungs and she found herself rendered speechless. She hadn’t been expecting the move and the sight that greeted her was stunning.

Smirking triumphantly, Callie lowered herself again and playfully dropped a kiss against Arizona’s ear. “You’re drooling,” she whispered, a husky chuckle drawing goosebumps from the woman beneath her.

“I thought–” Arizona nearly swallowed her tongue when Callie’s bra-clad breasts pressed into her own. “I-I thought you…you said no sex?”

“Second base isn’t sex,” Callie murmured, taking Arizona’s earlobe between her teeth and tugging.

Arizona whimpered and awkwardly let her hands hover off to the side, unsure what she was allowed to do with them. The temptation to roam every inch of exposed skin was almost too much to resist, but she wanted to be mindful of Callie’s ‘rules’ – even if she did seem to be breaking about a dozen on her own.

“It’s okay,” Callie said a moment later, lifting her head. “You can touch me if you want to.” Brown eyes scanned for Arizona’s reaction, knowing how long it had been since she’d been intimate with another person. Following such a brutal attack, Callie didn’t expect it to be easy for her to get close to someone again. She was enjoying what they were doing, but more important to her was making sure that Arizona was enjoying it, too.

Despite her initial speechlessness, Arizona seemed to recover quickly, her smile sliding back into place as she dragging her fingertips up Callie’s bare sides. “You’re beautiful,” she whispered, lifting her head to draw her into another kiss.

Callie swept her tongue into Arizona’s mouth and did her best to keep things slow and careful, a difficult task when the blonde’s hands were caressing her so sensually. She felt one of them drift further up her body, a thumb grazing the underside of her lacy garment, pausing with uncertainty. Without breaking apart, Callie reached down and guided it over her breast, smiling against Arizona’s lips when she released an appreciative moan in response.

Callie had to bite back one of her own when Arizona’s hand squeezed reflexively, sending an unmistakable shot of arousal right between her legs. Suddenly she wasn’t just worried about Arizona’s wellbeing in all of this; it was becoming harder and harder knowing she had to stop before things went too far.

It would be so unbelievably easy to just throw caution to the wind, giving in to the urge they both felt coursing through their veins. Callie knew she wanted to be with Arizona now more than ever, positive that she had never felt this kind of a connection before. Arizona was the first person she could honestly say she wanted to lie in bed with and forever feel the way she was feeling right now. It had never occurred to her until now that she hadn’t felt this pull as strongly with her previous partners.

Thoughts like those were not making the idea of stopping any more attractive. Sex was still off the table and suddenly she wasn’t so sure she wanted it to be.

With her resolve beginning to crumble, Callie pulled away again and met those deep blue eyes that she was falling so hard for. Seeing nothing but trust and a reflection of her own desire shining back at her, she dropped her mouth to the apex of Arizona’s jaw, starting a slow, strategic trail down the side of her neck.

Sucking in a sharp breath, Arizona pulled her left knee up, pressing her thigh into Callie’s side as she settled on top of her. “You are a terrible tease,” she murmured, threading her fingers into dark tresses and sighing contently.

“I can stop any time you want me to,” Callie mumbled distractedly, showing no signs of doing any such thing.

“That would be a bad idea,” Arizona said as her right hand rounded over smooth lace, swiping a thumb across the hardened peak straining beneath the material.

Pulling her head back, Callie quirked an eyebrow. “Oh yeah?”

Arizona matched the expression with one of her own. “Do you want me to spontaneously combust? It would ruin these pretty bed sheets.”

Callie laughed and stole a brief kiss from one of Arizona’s dimples, smirking when the blonde scrunched her nose and turned her head the other way. “Hm. Can’t have that, can we?”

Arizona nudged her playfully in the stomach, pushing up and forcing Callie to sit back and straddle her thighs. She circled both arms around Callie’s waist and tilted her head back, smiling when strong arms looped over her shoulders. “I had an amazing day today. Thank you.”

“Any time.” Callie had a feeling that nothing short of Cristina bursting in could make her look away right now. She found herself just as mesmerized with those blue eyes as she had been the first time they met. This time they were softer, more at ease; the underlying suffering she was so often witness to had receded into the background. Arizona really did look happy and Callie sincerely hoped she was a part of it.

Callie dipped her head the short distance, their lips meeting in another slow, tentative kiss. A shiver ran up her spine when Arizona’s delicate hands traced patterns along her ribcage, and she felt as much as she heard a small laugh bubble up from the blonde’s chest not a moment later.

“What’s so funny?” Callie asked, pulling away and lightly brushing their noses together.

Arizona’s dimples returned full force. “I told you you wouldn’t be able to keep things PG,” she said smugly, wiggling her eyebrows in triumph.

Callie scoffed and rolled her eyes as Arizona giggled again, feeling the arms around her waist tighten to keep her from escaping. “Whatever. You’re the one that lured me in here with naughty intentions.”

“Me?” Arizona echoed, feigning offense. “You’re the one that took your shirt off,” she pointed out, leaning in to suck on a patch of skin along the brunette’s collarbone. A low groan escaped from the back of her throat, the warmth that was radiating from Callie more enticing than anything she could ever remember.

She stood by her earlier statement – a woman’s neck was the perfect blend of everything about her. Calliope smelled of lavender and coconut shampoo, mixed with a faint hint of perfume and what Arizona could only assume was her natural, heady scent. She closed her eyes and burrowed her nose into warm skin, breathing her in and enjoying the luxury of staying in the moment.

Callie sensed Arizona’s relaxation and stilled on top of her, dipping her nose into golden curls and stroking her fingers along the base of her neck. Patience had never been one of her strong points, but with Arizona she felt calm and willing to wait as long as she needed to. Nothing about this felt rushed or forced, and she was quite content to stay in place.

Neither of them moved until Callie eventually felt the subtle shift of Arizona’s head, dipping to the side and nuzzling the valley between her breasts. It wasn’t until a low, satisfied groan met her ears and Arizona’s smile grazed her skin that Callie let out a short bark of laughter.

“Seriously?” She cocked an eyebrow in mock disbelief.

When Arizona reluctantly lifted her face again, she fixed Callie with a dopey smile that made it impossible to feel anything other than affection for her.

“You’re ridiculous,” Callie stated with a wide grin, bringing her hands around to cup Arizona’s face between them. She pulled their lips back together, the same thrill vibrating in her chest the moment they reconnected.

Arizona made no apologies, getting swept away in the kiss and allowing her hands to curve around the strong thighs on either side of her body. Her fingers stroked over Callie’s jeans, itching to feel bare skin beneath them instead. The only thing running through her mind right now was how badly she wanted to roam every inch of Callie Torres with her hands, with her lips; she wanted to take her time and explore, getting to know the woman that occupied her every thought these days.

The kiss deepened of its own accord, with Callie pushing forward and allowing their tongues to tango. She felt a hand break away from her hip and nails dig into the small of her back, responding by dropping one of her own to Arizona’s chest and feeling the always-present dog tags resting over her heart.

Arizona released a hard breath and growled when Callie palmed her breast, the ache of arousal emanating from her core. Her right hand dropped down to curve over Callie’s ass, squeezing reflexively and drawing her closer.

The bold move spurred Callie on, her fingers finding their way beneath the hem of Arizona’s shirt and pushing it up her stomach, ready to remove the barrier entirely.

Arizona was okay until she wasn’t. One moment she was _this close_ to begging Callie to just forget about any stupid, overrated rules; the next she felt the brunette’s touch graze the jagged scar marring her side and everything changed. It was as though someone had unexpectedly dumped a bucket of ice water over them both, every muscle in her body going rigid and a shot of paralyzing fear freezing her to the spot.

A hand flew down to clamp around Callie’s wrist, stopping her in her tracks. “Don’t,” she begged, her throat constricting and making it impossible to breathe.

Callie was so caught up in the moment that she didn’t catch on right away. She was met with resistance when she attempted to kiss Arizona again, causing her to lean back and frown in confusion. It wasn’t until she realized how pale the blonde had turned that she really clued in.

Shocked and horrified at what she had done, Callie immediately froze in place. “Oh, god, I-I’m sorry,” she stuttered, feeling her stomach hit the floor.

Arizona squeezed her eyes shut as her heart pounded violently in her chest, her whole body still vibrating from the sudden surge of adrenaline. It surprised her almost as much as it did Callie; that instant, visceral reaction to being touched that way. It came out of left field and now she didn’t know what to do. She couldn't think; it was as though her mind had sudden shut down and refused to let her do anything but shake uncontrollably.

“I’m so sorry,” Callie whispered, suddenly breaking Arizona’s hold and scrambling off of the bed. She felt sick as she grabbed her shirt and hurriedly pulled it back on with quivering hands. She was fighting the urge to flee, to run away from what she had done as quickly as possible. The only thing keeping her in that room was the desperate need to make sure Arizona was okay. She had _no_ idea what had just happened but the look on the blonde’s face terrified her.

Arizona swallowed thickly and sat there for a long moment, unable to move. It was a while before she could finally force her eyes open, her vision unfocused and blurry as she tried to concentrate on Callie.

“It’s not you,” she whispered hoarsely. “It’s – it’s not you.” Arizona covered her face with her hands and released an uneven breath, willing her heart beat to slow down. She couldn’t think straight.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Callie pleaded, blinking back tears. “I’m so sorry. I pushed a-and I shouldn’t have pushed.” She looked down at her feet, struggling with the sight of Arizona looking so small and fragile all of a sudden and knowing it was her own doing.

Arizona hated knowing that she’d made Callie feel like she had done something wrong. She had been just as involved in the moment as Callie had been and didn’t know what the hell happened from one second to the next. She felt betrayed by her own body, furious and humiliated at what it was doing to her.

It took another long pause but eventually she felt like she could move again. She shifted forward to sit over the edge of the bed, feeling a pang in her chest as Callie took an automatic step away, keeping a safe distance between them. Tightening her fists around the quilt beneath her and releasing a shaky breath to steady herself, Arizona lifted her head and met the brunette’s questioning gaze.

“This wasn’t your fault,” she said as calmly as she could manage. “Please, just…don't go. Come here.” She felt too weak to try and stand up right now, and she knew if Callie bolted she wouldn't be able to follow.

Callie hesitated, absolutely terrified that she might spook Arizona again if she got too close. She stepped forward tentatively, arms crossed protectively over her stomach as she fought to hold back tears.

With her heart in her throat, Arizona tried to reach over and touch her.

“Arizona, please, don’t,” Callie murmured, turning her head away. She felt too guilty to be touched or do any touching of her own, even if it was meant for comfort.

Arizona leaned out and grabbed her wrist anyway, holding tightly when Callie tried to pull back a second time. She managed to coax her onto the bed and the two of them sat side by side, not touching or speaking. Callie kept a foot and a half of distance between them.

An extended period of silence went by before Arizona could finally speak without her voice cracking. “I’m sorry. I had no idea that was going to happen until it did, otherwise I would have said something.”

“I know,” Callie said automatically, pulling her hands into her lap and staring at them. “But I don’t ever want to hurt you that way. I should’ve known not to–”

“How could you know when I didn’t?” Arizona smiled ruefully and inhaled a small breath. “You didn’t hurt me. You’ve never made me feel anything but good. I guess I’m just more screwed up than I realized,” she whispered, looking away again, embarrassed to feel tears burning behind her eyes.

“Arizona,” Callie said softly, feeling some of her own insecurities begin to fade at the vulnerability the blonde was displaying. “Don’t say that, okay? You’ve been through something unspeakable. Of course it’ll take time before you start feeling like yourself again.”

Arizona stared straight ahead and swiped a thumb under one eye, trying to keep a rogue tear at bay. “I hate that it keeps affecting you, too,” she admitted quietly, finally risking a tentative glance over. “I’m so sorry, Calliope.” 

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Callie said, motioning as though she wanted to touch Arizona but still uncertain if she should.

“Please don’t pretend like none of this is a big deal,” Arizona sighed. “You shouldn’t have to keep going through this with me. It’s not fair to you.”

“You scared me,” Callie admitted, finally covering the other woman’s hand with her own. “But that doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. I’m not judging you, Arizona, and I’m never going to push you away because you’re hurting or having a hard time.”

Met with more silence, Callie ducked her head and tried to catch the blonde’s gaze. “I’m here for you, in whatever way you need me to be. Whether you want to talk about it or not. Always.”

Arizona was too tired to look away, finding comfort in the sincerity behind Callie’s brown eyes. “I don’t know how long I’ll be like this,” she admitted. 

“It doesn’t matter,” Callie replied, lacing their fingers together and giving a supportive squeeze. “There aren’t time frames for what you went through.”

Arizona released a heavy sigh, feeling drained all of a sudden. “I thought I was used to being poked and prodded after these last few months. That being touched wouldn’t be such a big deal anymore.”

Callie frowned, waiting patiently for her to continue.

“I haven’t been with anyone since I got hurt.” Arizona risked a glance upward. “The idea of taking my shirt off made me panic. I had no idea that was going to happen.”

While Callie could understand where the insecurities would come from, she still had a hard time believing that someone as beautiful as Arizona could be self-conscious about her looks.

“Arizona, you are _stunning_ ,” she said simply, wishing she could make the other woman believe her. “I can’t take my eyes off of you. I haven’t been able to since the moment we met. And your injuries, they’re…” She hesitated before very gently placing a hand where she knew the blonde’s biggest scar resided, over top of her shirt.

Arizona flinched but didn’t pull away.

Callie waited for her to get used to the sensation before continuing. “Scars are just…big freckles with stories. They’re a part of you and I still find the whole package gorgeous.”

“Freckles with stories?” Arizona echoed, adoring Callie’s lopsided grin.

Callie scooted closer on the bed. “Nothing you say or do is ever gonna scare me away, no matter how long it takes you to feel like yourself again. The sooner you get that, the less time I’ll have to spend repeating myself.”

Despite the lingering humiliation she was still feeling, Arizona found herself smiling. “I think I’m starting to catch on.”

Callie mirrored the smile, carefully looping an arm around Arizona’s back. “I think this is why we need to make rules, to keep things from getting out of hand until you’re ready again. Until we’re _both_ ready,” she amended.

Arizona rested her cheek against Callie’s shoulder and expelled a tired sigh. “You’re right. It’s for our own good.” She fell silent as she tried to muster up enough brain power to think straight, her mind having trouble piecing itself back together after falling apart in such dramatic fashion.

Sensing Arizona’s lingering jitters, Callie decided to start them off. “Rule number one – don’t eat Cristina’s food. She’s like a grizzly bear when she’s in a bad mood.”

Arizona snorted. “Noted.”

Callie traced small circles where her hand came to rest on the blonde’s upper arm. “Is there anything personal that bugs you or any lines you feel need to be drawn?”

“I don’t like sharing my toothbrush,” Arizona admitted, glancing up sheepishly. “I know, it’s kind of stupid when you spend hours playing tonsil hockey with someone, but it’s always wigged me out.”

“Okay, see? That’s good to know,” Callie chuckled, dropping a kiss against the top of her head. “We’re getting somewhere. No toothbrush sharing.”

“What about you?” Arizona asked. “Anything that bugs the hell out of you I should know about?”

“Don’t steal my razors,” Callie said immediately. “Those things are expensive and _every_ time I have one left, Cristina takes it. Drives me crazy.”

“That’s okay,” Arizona said casually. “I shave my legs with a knife. They teach you in the Marines.”

Callie paused, scrunching her forehead as she tried to picture what that would look like. “Uh…”

Arizona snickered and nudged her in the side. “I’m kidding,” she teased, grinning at the look on her face. “Seriously, do I look that butch to you? I’d probably cut off my one good leg trying.”

“Suddenly I’m a little wary of letting you wield a scalpel again,” Callie said with a smirk.

Arizona made a face and returned her cheek to its comfy perch on Callie’s shoulder, feeling her body finally relax and the last of the shivering come to a stop. “I think that covers bathroom rules. Any other household specifications you and Cristina set out?”

“‘Clean up your crap’ is supposed to be a rule, but I’m lucky if she takes the garbage out once a month,” Callie said. “I think it’s a resident thing. She’s not home much these days.”

“Giving us the apartment to ourselves?” Arizona asked innocently, trying to re-infuse the conversation with some of its previous lighthearted teasing.

Callie smirked again and squeezed her shoulders. “I think that brings us to our own special set of rules.” She licked her lips nervously. “Are you okay to talk about it right now?”

“I’m not fragile,” Arizona replied, fixing Callie with what she hoped was a stronger smile. “A little crazy sometimes, but definitely not breakable.”

“You’re not crazy, either,” Callie chastised. “You really need to stop saying that.”

Arizona chose not to respond directly, instead forwarding her thoughts to how a new relationship would work when they were already living together. “I’m not sure how we should be doing this. Are there places or times we should act strictly as roommates?”

Callie frowned, thinking about it. “I’m gonna be tempted to kiss you a lot,” she admitted. “Maybe we should put a cap on it? A ‘number allowed per day’ kind of thing? Or maybe some places it’s allowed, some where it’s not?”

Arizona wrinkled her nose. “I think counting numbers is a bit extreme. Callie kisses are the highlight of my day. I don’t think I’ll be able to survive on a finite number.”

Callie laughed. “What do you think, then? We really do need some way of keeping ourselves in check.” Especially after what had just happened, but she kept that part to herself. She didn’t want Arizona feeling guilty or bad when it wasn’t something she could control.

When Arizona didn’t answer right away, Callie turned to face her directly and extracted the arm from around her shoulders. She tucked a stray curl behind Arizona’s ear, studying her closely. “What would make you more comfortable? I really don’t want us to rush things. We can still take it slow.”

As much as a part of her wanted to push for looser restrictions, Arizona had to agree with Callie. Clearly her head and her heart were in different places right now; she wanted them both to be on the same page so she didn’t spook Callie with another incident like this one.

“How about this?” Arizona pulled her good leg underneath her, getting more comfortable. “No kissing in each other’s rooms, especially not on any beds. That way we’re not asking for trouble.”

“Sounds reasonable,” Callie said with a nod. “We could do our best to keep the physical side of things on the couch? That way we’re in a public space and have to behave on some level.”

Arizona quirked an eyebrow. “Cristina just told us not to.”

“She said no _sex_ on the couch,” Callie corrected. “We’re not talking about sex, we’re talking about hanging out on the same piece of furniture and making out like teenagers.”

Arizona laughed, shaking her head in disbelief. “Okay then, that’s rule number three. No kissing unless we’re on the couch.”

“Rule number four – said kissing on the couch needs to happen when we’re both sober,” Callie added. “Something tells me that if neither of us are in the right state of mind, we’ll forget all about this conversation and get ahead of ourselves again.”

“Darn, there goes my master plan to get you drunk and take advantage,” Arizona teased, tugging on the front of Callie’s shirt.

Callie smiled, realizing that she was even more smitten with this woman than she thought. “We can always re-evaluate in a few weeks once you’ve settled in and our schedules are sorted out. You’ll probably be home a lot more than I will; I’m working a lot of hours this next month.”

“I’ve got physical therapy pretty much every day, so at least I won’t be a total couch potato,” Arizona said. “I’m sure I’ll have plenty of time to cook you meals and pack you a bagged lunch.”

Callie’s features lit up. “You know, even when I was married that never happened. I kinda like the sound of that.”

“Good, because it’s the least I can do, given your services so far,” Arizona teased, tugging on the hem of her shirt again.

Callie’s brow skyrocketed.

“Not taking your top off,” Arizona clarified, blushing at the implication. “I meant fixing my leg and giving me a home without cockroaches.”

“I can’t promise there are no roaches. Cristina might have dishes growing legs under the pile of crap in her room.”

“Ew,” Arizona laughed, shivering at the mere thought. She was pretty sure Callie was exaggerating, given that the common areas really hadn’t been that bad. So she hoped, anyway.

“So we have couch kissing and no drunken bedroom adventures,” she said a moment later, running through the small list in her mind. “Anything else you can think of?”

Despite Arizona’s spirits having been successfully lifted, Callie felt nervous about bringing up her last request. She hesitated, wondering if this was the right time, but ended up speaking her mind anyway. If she didn’t say this now, she would chicken out later.

“No running.” Callie met the blonde’s gaze and held it.

Arizona gave her a weird look. “Uh, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m not exactly in marathon shape these days. You’re my surgeon, I kinda figured you knew that already.”

“No,” Callie sighed, suddenly jittery with nerves. “I mean…I know what you can be like when you’re hurting. I saw it every day in yours eyes at Seattle Grace when you tried not to let anybody notice it. Today has been amazing, and I feel like things are going to be really great, but…” She trailed off, licking her lips and taking Arizona’s hands in her own.

“When you’re hurting or something triggers a bad memory, please don’t push me away. I know this is still new for both of us, but it won’t work if you keep your distance when things get rough. Even if you don’t always feel like talking to me about it, I can still be there to help you feel safe again. So if you have a bad day, don’t run. The same goes for me.”

Arizona looked a little wary. “Callie, I…”

“I’m not saying you have to tell me details of what you went through,” Callie said lightly. “I can and do respect that there are parts of your life you’re not ready to talk about. But I’ve been in too many relationships with zero communication and it never works out in the end. And this,” she added, holding Arizona’s hand to her chest, “this is too important to me not to work out. Okay?”

Processing that for a moment, Arizona finally nodded. “Okay. If I have a bad day, I promise I’ll tell you.”

Callie sighed with relief, grateful that she hadn’t accidentally stuck her foot in her mouth. She pulled Arizona into her arms and was met with no resistance as the blonde burrowed into the crook of her neck again.

“Are you hungry?” Callie rubbed a soothing hand up and down her back. “I still owe you that pizza I promised earlier.”

Arizona smiled against the brunette’s skin, making no move to pull away. “Milkshakes, pizza, and twenty-one hours a day spent sitting or lying down? I’m gonna be _so_ attractive when I start walking again.”

Callie pulled back and grinned broadly. “Hey, that’s the first time I’ve heard you say ‘when’ and not ‘if’. That’s awesome.”

Arizona shrugged nonchalantly. “What can I say? My girlfriend is a genius and keeps me motivated.”

She noticed Callie’s expression change, then realized her mistake. “Crap, I didn’t mean…sorry,” Arizona blushed. “I guess we haven’t really talked about that yet, huh?”

“Am I your girlfriend?” Callie asked carefully, as though she were nervous about the answer.

Arizona bit her lip and nodded once. “I was hoping you’d be,” she said honestly. “I’m a lot of things, but I am _not_ a big enough person to sit here and listen to you talk about other girls. Or watch you come home with them.” She frowned, realizing this could be a huge issue that they probably should have discussed earlier – as in _before_ she agreed to move in.

Callie, however, could only smile radiantly – Arizona Robbins had just called her her _girlfriend_. Nothing else mattered. “There are no other women, Arizona,” she cut in before the blonde could over-process things. “I don’t plan on seeing anyone else as long as you’re in my life. I can’t take my eyes off of you long enough to even notice.”

Relief flooded through Arizona and she released a happy sigh. “So,” she began, leaning into Callie and gently brushing her fingers along her collarbone, eyes straying to the tantalizingly full lips mere inches away. “Does this mean you’ll go steady with me?”

Callie snorted, curling a hand around the back of Arizona’s neck and shaking her head in disbelief. “You are such a dork,” she said fondly, pulling her into one final kiss and sealing the deal.

Arizona didn’t need a verbal answer – that was as big of a yes as she could ever have hoped for.

***

After consuming the majority of a large pepperoni pizza between the two of them, Arizona collapsed back into the couch cushions and emitted a loud groan. “I am never eating food again,” she announced, patting her belly in satisfaction.

“I haven’t exactly been feeding you healthy today, have I?” Callie mused, kicking her feet up on the coffee table. “I feel like I should buy you a salad on our next date to make up for being a bad doctor.”

“Nuh-huh, the next one is all mine,” Arizona said firmly. “I gave you the lead this time so now we switch. I fully plan on sweeping you off of your feet with how amazing it’s gonna be.”

Callie tilted her head curiously. “How are you gonna manage that, Hobbles?”

Arizona made a face at her and crossed her arms with a huff.

Callie grinned triumphantly and sat forward to grab the pizza box. She got up and carried it into the kitchen along with their dishes, knowing she would be too lazy to do it later if she settled in now.

“How are you feeling?” she asked over her shoulder as she packaged up the leftovers.

“Full,” Arizona chuckled, not budging from her relaxed position. “Satisfied. Happy. Relieved.”

“All good answers.” Callie washed her hands and dumped the pizza box in the recycling bin before making her way back over to the sofa. “Sorry I tired you out. I guess I didn’t think about how much energy it would take for you to get around. Some ortho surgeon I am, huh?”

“Stop,” Arizona scolded, leaning forward so she could take Callie by the wrist. She tugged until the brunette plopped back on the couch beside her. “I had a blast today. It was the first time I’ve felt that light and carefree in years, so thank you.”

Callie smiled in return, lifting the back of Arizona’s hand to her lips. “Any time.”

Arizona’s gaze lingered a moment longer before she let it casually wander away. “Of course, it won’t be nearly as awesome as the date I’m taking you on later. Seriously, it’s going to blow your mind. I dare you not to be wowed.”

Callie laughed. “Are you always so competitive?”

“Yep,” Arizona admitted with a cheeky grin. “Why, is that a deal breaker?”

“No, it just means we’re gonna have an interesting relationship,” Callie smirked.

Chuckling to herself, Arizona checked her watch out of habit. “It’s almost eight. What time do you need me out of your hair? You must have stuff to do with what little time you get off from work.”

Callie looked thoughtful for a moment, biting her bottom lip in apprehension. “Actually, I was gonna see if I could get you to stay the night.” When met with a raised eyebrow and questioning look, she quickly continued. “In your new room, I mean. You’re already moving in here and we can easily get your bags tomorrow.”

“Are you sure?” Arizona asked. “I really don’t mind giving you one last night of peace and quiet.”

“Are you kidding?” The smile on the brunette’s face showed no apprehension whatsoever. “This is your home now. Besides, the beds here are way more comfortable than that infestation you’ve been sleeping on.”

“You’re right about that one,” Arizona giggled. “I don’t have anything with me for an overnight stay, though.”

“You can borrow some pajamas,” Callie pointed out. “And I’ve got an extra toothbrush and stuff. Besides, you look _exhausted_. Don’t tell me you’re looking forward to going back to that dump.”

“Dreading it, actually.”

“Then stay,” she urged. “You can take a nice, hot shower while I clean this place up a little. I already put a shower chair in the bathroom for whenever you need it.”

“You bought me shower chair?” Arizona asked, surprised.

Callie shook her head. “I had one in storage from when I busted my ankle a few years ago. I knew you’d be staying sooner or later, so I grabbed it last night.”

“You did, did you?” Arizona smiled as she reached over to squeeze Callie’s hand. “Confident in your ability to sell me the apartment on the first try?”

Callie blushed. “Is there an answer to that question that won’t make me seem pathetic?”

Arizona replied by pressing their lips together. “Not pathetic,” she said, sighing happily. “It’s very sweet – and also very convincing. A shower sounds amazing right about now; my old lady bones could definitely use one.”

Callie quirked an eyebrow and made a show of dropping her eyes to inspect said ‘old lady bones’. “Old, not so much. Maybe a little boney, but that’s to be expected, and nothing a little Torres cooking can’t solve.”

“Trying to fatten me up?”

“Isn’t that the mark of a good girlfriend?” Callie leaned in to silence any further banter with a kiss. She had a feeling that was something she would be doing a lot of after today. “Now go shower. You’ll feel a thousand times better, and then we can watch a movie or something.”

It was with great determination and effort that Arizona was able to peel herself off of the couch and get to her feet in one try. She fumbled her crutches when Callie handed them over, immediately noticing the concerned look in those brown eyes.

“I’m fine,” she said reassuringly.

“Let me carry you,” Callie urged, steadying Arizona by the shoulder. “You need enough energy left to actually survive a shower.”

“Under no circumstances will I be carried anywhere,” Arizona said firmly, shaking her head. “I’m a woman with very few shreds of dignity left these days. I can walk – er, shuffle. Clomp. Whatever. I can do it.”

Callie knew not to take it personally but that didn’t mean she wasn’t close to scooping Arizona up anyway. She respected her request, however, and stepped back with her hands held up in surrender. “Okay, I get the hint. There are fresh towels in the bathroom and you can help yourself to any of the products I’ve got lying around. I’ll grab you some PJs for after.”

“Thanks, Calliope.” Adjusting her crutches, Arizona focused every last bit of energy she had on getting down the hall in one piece. She could feel Callie’s eyes burning a hole in her back right up until she crossed the bathroom threshold, gingerly closing the door behind her.

Callie relaxed when Arizona finally made it across the apartment, another wave of guilt descending over her when she saw how tired the blonde was. She made a mental note to cut their number of activities in half next time.

Before she could go and collect the promised pajamas, Cristina came out of her room. “Blondie gone?” she asked, throwing on a jacket and pulling her hair out from the collar.

“Shower,” Callie replied distractedly, tidying up the coffee table and surrounding area.

The corner of Cristina’s mouth twitched and she cast a quick glance down the back hall. “So she’s really moving in, huh?”

Callie looked up. “I thought you said it was okay?”

“I don’t care, I just think you’re insane,” Cristina smirked. “Two days ago you hated her guts and suddenly she’s moving in? Good luck with that.”

Callie glowered. “It’s not that simple, okay? We’ve – we’re not – we worked things out. And she really needs a place to stay and I want to keep an eye on he- you know what? It’s really none of your business.”

Unfazed, Cristina shook her head and pulled on her shoes. “Okay, just keep telling yourself that.”

Callie silently rolled her eyes as she carried a stack of old magazines over to the recycling bin and dumped them in.

“I’m going out with Mer,” Cristina announced, opening the door and stepping into the hallway. “Don’t have sex on my couch.” She left before Callie could respond.

Ignoring her roommate’s concerns, Callie busied herself with getting the apartment suitable for co-habitation.

Cristina was an ass. Having Arizona around would be great.

***

Inside the bathroom, Arizona brushed her teeth and began to strip down. Even the act of taking her clothes off was exhausting. She had to balance on one crutch and strategically maneuver her jeans over her hips without losing her balance and pitching sideways. Once they were down far enough, she hopped over to the toilet and plunked down on the closed lid, fighting them the rest of the way down her legs. Her knee gave a painful twinge and she could feel a steady ache begin to emanate from her calf at all the wiggling and stretching required. She hoped she would be able to shower before they got so sore that she needed to take her prescription. One of those pills and she’d be unconscious for a week.

Undressing completely took a few minutes longer than she thought it would, but she was finally able to nudge her pile of clothing across the floor with a crutch, tucking them against the far wall. She made a mental note to stick everything in the washing machine before going to bed so it was clean for tomorrow.

Realizing that her next step involved standing up and actually taking a shower, Arizona slumped forward and let out a groan of defeat. She was _so_ tired already and just wanted to crawl into bed, sweat and achy bones be damned. Short of hooking herself up to a super-powered caffeine IV, she had no idea how she was going to get through the next forty minutes.

A knock at the door startled her out of her thoughts. She glanced around for the fresh linens Callie had mentioned and noticed a small cupboard against the far wall. Struggling to her feet, she stepped across the bathroom and took a fluffy white towel from inside, awkwardly wrapping it around her torso while still balancing on one crutch. Turning, she opened the door a crack and peeked out.

Callie stood on the other side, pajamas in one hand and a bottle of lotion in the other. She grinned crookedly and extended them through the door, politely averting her gaze. “Here. These are my favourite comfy pants and one of my better t-shirts. They’ll be a bit big but they should work for tonight.”

Arizona made sure the towel was snug under her arms before opening the door wider. “Thank you,” she said, smiling when Callie’s eyes flickered briefly toward her. “I shouldn’t be too long; and I promise I’ll smell better once I’m done.”

“I’m not worried.” Callie tried very hard to avoid looking directly at Arizona, but even the view from her peripheral vision was enough to make her flush with colour. “Um, I’ll just…y’know, be over there.” She jerked a thumb toward the living room. “Take your time.”

“Thanks, Callie,” Arizona said with a teasing smile, watching as the brunette turned around and hurried in the opposite direction. She chuckled to herself and closed the door again.

After setting the pajamas and lotion down on the counter, Arizona’s gaze drifted up to the mirror, meeting the blue eyes of her own reflection. She thought back to the incident in the bedroom, about how she had reacted and why. While it definitely unnerved her to think of being exposed in front of another person again – even Callie – she suddenly realized that she hadn’t so much as glanced at her naked body in a mirror since the explosion. So much of her time had been spent in hospitals that it wasn’t as though she’d had regular access to one, and even when she changed in the motel room it was always in the bedroom. Truth be told, she had avoided looking in a mirror at all costs when she wasn’t clothed. She wasn’t fooling herself.

While the realization did make her feel somewhat ashamed, it also gave her a new resolve. Before she hadn’t known where to begin when it came to sorting through her self-esteem issues; now she at least had a starting point.

Taking a deep breath in through her nose, Arizona carefully rested her crutch against the bathroom counter and pulled at the fold on her towel. It came off with ease and slid to the floor.

Even though she was by herself, her first reaction was to blush and glance away, something that would have been unusual behavior up until now. Arizona Robbins had always been confident in her body image, unafraid of what others thought and unwilling to think negatively about herself. Imperfections didn’t scare her. Now it was as though her whole perspective had shifted without her knowledge – or her permission.

Locking her jaw, Arizona pulled her focus back to the mirror and stared at herself for a good long moment. The gridlock of determination soon gave way to a furrowed brow and the crease lines of a frown. It wasn’t quite as bad as she had imagined, though she knew the majority of her injuries were either below the waist or along her back, places she couldn’t see from this angle.

She had to start somewhere, so she looked down to where the counter cut her view off just above her pelvis. The most visible blemish was the scar trailing diagonally down the lower right side of her abdomen, from just below her navel to where her appendix would have resided if it hadn’t been one of many things removed after she was punctured. She winced at the memory and traced her fingertips along the raised skin, feeling a residual ache beneath them. It was healed after five and a half months, but every once in a while she would move a certain way and feel something pull or throb in discomfort. The damage to her large intestine and bowel had been repaired, while her kidney had been grazed and her right fallopian tube severed completely. From what she was told, once she had been evacuated by helicopter it had taken a seven hour surgery to save her life, during which she nearly bled out. She was lucky to be alive and she knew it.

Moving up, she ignored a few marks that had been there since childhood and ran her fingers across her ribs. They stuck out more than she would have liked, though she probably looked a lot less starved after Teddy had spent the last two weeks bringing her food. She had lost a ton of muscle mass after being horizontal for nearly half a year, too. Just the thought of working out and getting back into shape made her crave a long nap.

Her hand curved around her left side and she lifted her arm to inspect a smaller scar. The flesh was still bright pink and rippled where the edges had healed unevenly. She didn’t remember it happening but she knew that was where Teddy had been forced to cut her open and shove a dirty chest tube in when her lung had collapsed in the field.

Maybe she should go buy her a nice bottle of wine or something, Arizona thought.

Dropping both arms, she hesitated before forcing herself to turn to the left, exposing her right side to the mirror. She felt a familiar surge of disgust and anger when she saw the long, thick scar meandering across her back. It started maybe four inches below her right armpit and curved down and around, ending on the opposite side of her spine. It was ugly and impossible to miss, and the moment she felt Callie’s fingertips graze it earlier, she had involuntarily freaked out.

As much as she wanted to turn away, Arizona stayed rooted in place and glared at the wound. While her leg was pretty gnarly looking on its own, she really hated this damn scar. It felt intrusive being on her body, like it didn’t belong; not to mention it could get really itchy sometimes. Thinking back to that day, she only remember bits and pieces of what happened, but thanks to the marks it left behind she would never be able to forget completely.

Forcing her eyes away from the glaring reminder, Arizona spent a moment studying the rest of her body in the mirror. She poked at her breasts and her stomach, then leaned forward to inspect her face and skin up close, wondering if she looked as old and run down on the outside as she felt on the inside.

Just as she twisted around to sneak a quick look at her butt, hoping against hope it still looked decent after being sat upon for several months, another knock sounded at the door. Arizona startled and whipped around, embarrassed at the idea of getting caught, and a wayward limb connected with the bottle of body lotion. It went flying into several other skincare products and knocked everything across the bathroom floor. She accidentally batted her crutch against the toilet with a loud ‘clang’ as she tried unsuccessfully to keep the whole mess from happening.

“ _Shit!_ ”

Outside the door, Callie frowned at sudden commotion. “Everything okay in there?” she called out, resting a hand on the doorknob in case she was needed.

“Yes!” Arizona half-shouted back, fumbling around for her towel on the floor. “Just a second!”

Callie was debating whether or not the blonde sounded panicked enough to warrant her bursting to the rescue when the handle suddenly ripped out of her grasp.

Arizona reappeared, looking flustered and maybe even a little guilty. “What’s up?”

“I just wanted to give you this,” Callie said, holding up a razor as she peered around Arizona. “What happened?”

Arizona glanced over her shoulder at the mess and blushed, shooting Callie a sheepish smile. “I accidentally knocked a few things over, sorry. I’ll clean it up.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Callie chuckled, handing the razor over. “Here. After our little conversation before, I didn’t want you thinking I’d freak out if you needed to borrow mine. This one’s all yours.”

“Thanks,” Arizona smiled, taking the object and closing the door a little more. “I’ll be quick, I promise.”

“Take your time,” Callie said as the blonde shut herself back in. She heard a few more muttered curse words and the tell-tale shuffle of a clean up attempt, then forced herself to head back into the kitchen. As much as she felt the urge to watch Arizona like a hawk these days, she knew it would only drive the poor woman crazy.

Needing a distraction from the fact that a very naked, very hot woman was currently in her bathroom getting soapy and wet, Callie decided to wash up in Cristina’s bathroom and change into her own pajamas for the night. Once she was settled, she started digging through their enormous DVD collection for something to entertain her shiny new girlfriend until she got sleepy.

***

It took Arizona over an hour to shower, dry off and change into Callie’s pajamas. It was all she could do to not collapse in a heap by the time she was finished, but conscious that someone was waiting for her, she gathered both crutches and exited into the hallway at a slow, careful pace. If she went any faster, she wouldn’t make it all the way to the couch.

Callie was reclined and channel surfing when she heard the door open behind her. She twisted around and spotted a weak, pale Arizona coming down the hall with her arms shaking from the effort of holding herself up. She jumped to her feet and got tangled in the blankets, barely making it around the side of the couch by the time Arizona got to her.

“Are you okay?” she demanded, feeling a lump of worry lodge itself in her throat. She took the blonde’s arm for added support and steered her onto the nearest cushion.

“I’m good,” Arizona replied weakly, letting Callie take her crutches as she sank into the seat. A low, involuntary groan of approval escaped as she leaned back into the cushions, momentarily closing her eyes at how amazing it felt not to be standing. “Feeling older than God, but good.”

“I’m so sorry,” Callie sighed, taking her previous spot again. “I really didn’t think today through in terms of energy management. I swear next time I’ll do better so you aren’t comatose by the time you get home.”

“Hey, I thought I told you not to apologize for our awesome date,” Arizona teased, peeking one eye open and flashing Callie as big of a smile as she could muster. “I had a perfect time; wouldn’t change a thing.”

“Why don’t you crawl into bed?” Callie suggested. “We don’t have to watch a movie.”

“Nope.” Arizona forced her eyes open and sat forward. “I was promised a movie and I want one. What do you have lined up?”

Giving in for now, Callie gestured to the DVD pile she had set out on the table. “That depends. Gooey romantic, classic black-and-white, horror or drama?”

Scanning through the titles, Arizona plucked out the anniversary edition of _Casablanca_. “Here,” she said, handing it over. “In the spirit of bonding through our mutual love of old cinema, this sounds perfect.”

Callie grinned jubilantly and practically flew toward the DVD player. She popped in the movie and grabbed the correct remotes, then dimmed the lights and returned to her girlfriend’s side.

Arizona was trying to massage a kink out of her shoulder, grimacing as she fought to reach far enough behind her back. “I think my next doctor’s appointment should include a full-body massage and one of those ladies that walk all over your spine.”

“I don’t recommend that in your condition,” Callie mused, gingerly extracting Arizona’s hand from where it was twisted around and returning it to her side. “But I can do you one better – I give amazing back rubs, if you’re up for it. It’s one of the perks that comes with dating an orthopedic surgeon. I’m _very_ good with my hands.”

Arizona’s face lit up. “That would be amazing. Are you sure you want to, though? I don’t want you to feel like I’m putting you to work.”

“You won’t be. And it’s only if you’re okay with me touching you like that,” Callie said carefully, studying the other woman for signs of apprehension. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“I’m pretty sure a back rub would make me the exact opposite of uncomfortable,” Arizona smiled, hoping she didn’t sound too desperate. Every part of her body was _screaming_ right now, and the thought of those strong, skilled hands working the knots out of her muscles was like water in a desert.

Needing no more confirmation than that, Callie scooted behind Arizona and guided her forward on the couch, tucking her legs underneath herself. She pressed play on the remote and set it aside, then began to knead slow, deep circles along the back of Arizona’s shoulders. “How’s that?”

It took effort for Arizona to stifle a moan. She didn’t want to make things awkward by overdoing it with the happy noises. “Amazing,” she murmured, understating just how good it felt.

Callie remained cautious at first, paranoid that one wrong touch might startle Arizona like before. But after a while she too relaxed into the moment, tuning the movie out and focusing on the knots entwined within the blonde’s muscles. They were about as tense as a block of cement right now and she was determined to make things better.

Arizona just about dropped dead and liquefied into a puddle of goo, surprised that she was able to stay upright for this long. Callie really did have amazing hands, somehow managing to hit all of her sore spots and gradually get her body to relax. Her eyes slipped closed and she gave in to the urge to groan softly when the brunette’s thumbs dug into the edges of her shoulder blades.

Callie smiled to herself, pleased with the reaction she was getting so far. It built her confidence after the scare they’d had in the bedroom earlier and let her know that all touching wasn’t off limits. She would gladly give Arizona a massage every day if it would make her feel better.

Arizona had no idea how long it went on for; she only knew that Callie worked her way from head to hips and back up again. By the time those magic fingers were kneading her neck a second time around, she was purring like a kitten.

Callie pressed her thumbs into the base of Arizona’s skull and ran them along the ridge, trying to release the underlying tension and strain. She laughed when Arizona’s head lolled back and her entire body went limp, realizing she had just found the blonde’s self-destruct button.

“Oh my god,” Arizona moaned, “that is _so_ good.”

Callie cracked a grin but kept her comments to herself, wanting this to be a pressure-free experience for them both. “Just relax,” she husked into Arizona’s ear, scooting closer to her back and unfolding both legs on either side of her hips.

Arizona whimpered and allowed Callie to act as her support block, barely maintaining enough core strength to keep herself even partially upright. By the time Callie finished rubbing the back of her neck and head, Arizona collapsed into her and slumped against her shoulder, just about falling into a coma full of puppy dogs and cotton candy.

Callie found herself giggling at the unusual display and immediately circled both arms around the blonde’s mid-section. “Better?” she murmured, ducking her head and planting a firm kiss against the crook of Arizona’s neck.

Arizona remained in place, her eyes closed and head resting back on Callie’s shoulder. An incoherent grunt was about the best she could manage. Callie might as well have given her an orgasm.

Burrowing her nose into warm skin, Callie closed her eyes and breathed Arizona in. “You sure you don’t want me to help you to bed?”

“Movie,” Arizona whispered faintly, bound and determined for the day not to end yet.

Unwilling to give up the close physical contact, Callie shifted just enough to get them both lying down on their right sides, her back up against the cushions and Arizona’s against Callie’s front. She reached behind them and pulled a blanket from the back of the couch over their bodies, then curled her left arm around Arizona’s slender waist. “How’s your leg?”

“S’good,” Arizona murmured, already half asleep. She adjusted her head on the pillow and settled in, completely limp with exhaustion.

Callie made sure the volume was kept low and fixed her eyes on the TV, but her attention remained entirely on the steady rhythm of Arizona’s breathing. It evened out within minutes and Callie didn’t need to look down to know that she was out like a light.

Despite her own exhaustion brought on by weeks of stress and a full day of resolution, she managed to stay awake during the first half hour of the movie. Her eyes were slowly beginning to droop shut when Arizona suddenly rolled over and burrowed against her chest, nuzzling into her shirt and wrapping herself around Callie like a python.

Once she realized the woman was still out cold, Callie relaxed again and ran a soothing hand up and down her back. Her heart was pounding so loudly that she was afraid it would wake Sleeping Beauty, but at this point she was pretty sure nothing could. Something told her it had been a while since Arizona had rested peacefully, and more than anyone else she deserved the chance to stay that way.

Content to be her body pillow, Callie dozed while Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman pondered their on-screen lives and how they got to where they were.

_“ Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.”_

Callie smiled into Arizona’s hair. The same could be said for her OR.

***

Arizona was fully prepared to spend the entire night on the couch, and she probably would have remained asleep if it weren’t for the sudden absence of Callie’s warmth hours later. She opened one eye just as the brunette finished climbing over, then closed it again in denial.

Getting up had to be just about the worst idea anyone had ever come up with.

Emitting a small groan of defeat, Arizona rolled onto her back and peeled the other eye open, sloshing the remains of her brain together to try and form a coherent inquiry. Before she could remember how to speak, two gentle hands pushed their way underneath her body and eased her into a strong pair of arms.

Arizona automatically wrapped her own around Callie’s neck as the brunette adjusted her grip, carefully stepping around the couch and heading towards the back bedrooms. “I can walk,” she said weakly, her cheek glued to her girlfriend’s shoulder.

“Shh,” Callie admonished, unwilling to listen to any protests. “You’re supposed to be sleeping.”

Arizona pouted but otherwise made no efforts to get down. “You’re more comfy than crutches anyway,” she murmured, giving in. “Damaged Goods approves.”

“You are not damaged goods,” Callie protested, nudging the door to the third bedroom open with her toe. “You just have one of those ‘handle with care’ signs taped to your ass.”

Arizona laughed, the sound weighed down by sleep. “I’d better not have a ‘this side up’ sticker anywhere, or else–”

“Shh,” Callie repeated, carrying her over to the bed. “We have rules. Behave.”

Arizona merely smirked.

“Grab the blankets,” Callie instructed, adjusting her grip and leaning over so Arizona could reach. When the blonde stretched an arm out and pulled back the quilt, Callie’s heart sank to the floor. There were no bed sheets on the mattress yet – she had completely forgotten to put anything on.

“No,” Arizona whined, ready to cry at the prospect of more time between now and falling back into her pleasant comatose state.

“It’s okay, I’ve got this,” Callie said hurriedly, changing tactics as she turned around and headed back into the hall. She crossed to the other bedroom and brought Arizona to her own bed, gently setting her down on top.

“You sleep here tonight, okay?” Callie brushed a stray lock of hair away from Arizona’s face and cradled her cheek in her palm. “I’ll put on the sheets and crash in the other room. Get some sleep.”

“No,” Arizona protested, clumsily reaching up to grasp Callie by the wrist before she could pull away. “Just…stay.”

Callie furrowed her brow, unsure if Arizona knew what she was asking. “The rules, remember?” she said weakly, twisting her hand around to lace their fingers together.

Despite her dopey state, Arizona moaned in protest again and gave a pointed tug on Callie’s arm. “Rules start tomorrow,” she reasoned, her eyes already closed in an effort to conserve energy.

Part of Callie wanted to stay strong and insist they spend the night apart – like they were supposed to – but another part was relieved at Arizona’s suggestion. She didn’t want that feeling from the couch to end yet.

“Are you sure?”

Arizona smiled sleepily and gave another firm tug, feeling Callie finally give in and crawl into bed. The brunette’s weight settled in behind her and she maneuvered her feet under the covers that were held up, immediately overcome by a sense of warmth and safety.

Callie curled up against Arizona’s back and returned her arm to its previous position, holding her snuggly around the waist. Arizona pushed hips into Callie’s and sighed contently, her whole body going lax.

Maybe this was a bad idea after all, Callie couldn’t help but think as she began to drift off. Something told her that after a night of holding Arizona in her arms, away from a hospital for the first time, enacting their newly declared ‘rules’ would be next to impossible.


	6. Chapter 18

_May 3rd, 2009_

 

Callie slept like a baby that night. She woke up only a few inches away from the slumbering woman sprawled across the opposite side of her bed, and took a moment to revel in the peace and quiet. Memories of the previous day came flooding back, causing a small smile to stretch across her face as she lifted her head and blinked sleepily over top of Arizona’s form. The clock read 7:15 A.M – much earlier than she had anticipated, but they’d gone to bed before midnight the evening before and barely stirred since.

Arizona lay on her stomach, her left arm dangling over the side of the mattress, blonde hair splayed in all directions. Callie bit back an adoring grin, fighting the urge to reach out and run her fingers through it. Instead she kept her distance, exercising what little self-control she had these days in deciding to wait. She didn't know how Arizona would feel about the close contact right now and thought it would be best to wait until she was conscious. The last thing Callie wanted to do was to spook her again.

Closing her eyes, she shifted closer, resting her head on the edge of Arizona's pillow and enjoying the warmth radiating against her from underneath the covers. It felt like an eternity since she had shared a bed with anyone; even when she was with Erica, she didn't remember feeling as content as she did right now. Maybe they just hadn't had time to get to that point before Hahn had disappeared in a puff of angry smoke, but either way, she couldn't have wished for a better outcome.

It was a little odd smelling her shampoo and body wash on someone else, but Callie kind of liked it. Beneath the familiar scent of lavender and vanilla, Arizona still smelled like Arizona – the smell that made her head spin and her insides melt away. Even two weeks of stress and worrying couldn't diminish how great it was to finally be in this position – and it had absolutely nothing to do with sex, or lack-there-of. She was happy to just lay there fully clothed and bask in her own geeky glory for as long as it took Arizona to wake up.

It wasn't long before Callie began to drift off again, pleased that she still had several hours before she needed to leave for work. She was on the brink of unconsciousness when she felt an unmistakable shiver and the subtle shift of weight beside her. Brown eyes popped open and she lifted her head, wondering if she was imagining things.

A small, nearly inaudible wheeze escaped the back of Arizona’s throat. She squirmed once and released a heavy breath, swallowing hard as she turned her face into the pillow.

"Arizona?" Callie called out softly. "Are you awake?"

A distinct tightening of Arizona's features set off an alarm in the back of Callie's mind – something wasn't quite right. Her heart rate quickened with memories of the last time she had seen the trauma surgeon experience a nightmare. The look of terror on her face had been permanently burned into Callie's mind that night and she wasn't eager to see it again.

With her heart in her throat, she ignored her earlier decision to be cautious and slipped an arm around Arizona’s waist, drawing the sleeping woman back and curling protectively around her body. She wanted to give her a sense of safety; wanted to make sure she stayed grounded in the present and not stuck in the past.

“Arizona, wake up,” Callie whispered urgently, giving her a careful squeeze around the middle and waiting to see if anything happened. Arizona shifted in place but otherwise showed no change, so Callie dipped down to place a firm kiss just below her ear. “Shh, it’s just a dream; you’re safe.”

Arizona stilled, her eyelids fluttering. Encouraged, Callie knew she had to keep going before the blonde slipped back under. She couldn’t handle watching her have another full-blown night terror, if that’s what this was turning into.

“Arizona, open your eyes,” she continued, very gently shaking her torso and placing a trail of kisses along the side of her neck. “Come back to me. You’re okay.”

Callie finally felt the blonde start to relax and saw the crease lines in her forehead ease away. Relieved, she squeezed her arm again and brushed her lips against Arizona’s ear. “Hey, you’re safe. You’re here with me in Seattle and everything’s okay. You just need to open your eyes.”

Arizona groaned, feeling herself dragged through a swamp of muddled memories and back into present day. It took her a moment to realize that the heat she was feeling against her cheek belonged to Callie’s lips, not the scorching Iraqi sun.

“Mmph,” came out an incoherent mumble, an attempt at pushing through the fog clouding her mind. Everything was so fuzzy that she decided to lie still and wait until it passed.

Callie smiled into the crook of Arizona’s neck, feeling a flood of relief wash over her. She loosened the arm around Arizona's waist and moved it up to rest a hand on her hip instead. “Good morning.”

“Mmm,” Arizona groaned a second time, fighting the urge to slip back under. Even in her half-slumber, Callie’s soothing voice against her ear caused every nerve cell in her body to tingle with pleasure. “Morning."

Callie waited patiently for Arizona to come around, subtly shifting back a few inches to give her more space. “Are you okay?”

“Mm.”

“You’re articulate in the morning.”

“Mm. Shut up.” One blue eye peaked open, blurry and confused. “Where am I?”

Callie laughed. “Welcome to Casa de Torres.” She propped herself up on an elbow and studied the blonde's sleepy form. "Or, as it's more commonly known, your new apartment."

Arizona rolled onto her back, blinking up at the ceiling as her eyes slowly adjusted to the light. The curtains pulled across the far window blotted out most of the vicious morning rays. "Oh, right. I knew that."

Callie waited apprehensively, unsure how to read Arizona's body language. For all she knew, the blonde just wasn’t a morning person, but then again it was possible that she was beginning to regret staying the night. "Do you want me to give you a minute alone?"

"What? No," Arizona said groggily, fumbling for Callie's hand beside her. "Not at all. I'm just waiting for my brain to catch up with the rest of me."

"Take your time." Callie chewed on her bottom lip and dropped her eyes to the hand covering her own, giving it a careful squeeze. "Are you okay? You seem a little--" When Arizona's cheeks immediately flushed a bright pink, it made Callie backtrack in a hurry. "I didn’t mean--"

"It's okay," Arizona cut in, forcing out a sheepish smile. She drummed her fingers against her stomach, staring down at them. "I'm, um…I’m sorry about last night. I feel pretty pathetic right now."

"Hey, don't apologize," Callie scolded, shifting closer. "You were exhausted.”

“I’m still sorry you had to carry me,” she murmured, embarrassed about her display of utter uselessness. "That wasn't exactly the impression I wanted you to have."

“I told you, I’m happy to help," Callie said firmly. "I'm not judging or making assumptions. I just wanted to let you rest."

Arizona averted her gaze. “Yeah, I know, it's just…"

"You're too hardcore for me to carry you around like a koala bear all day? Damn."

The corner of Arizona's mouth twitched up. "Smartass."

Callie smirked and ran her hand over Arizona’s tummy. "It was a nice change. The independent streak is really hot but kinda frustrating sometimes."

Arizona sighed dramatically. "Blame the back rub. It might’ve made me submissive for a while but don't get used to it.”

“So you’re saying that if I want you submissive, all I have to do is put my hands on your body?” Callie couldn’t help it; Arizona was adorable when she turned bright red.

“Mmph.” Arizona whined and gave up fighting back, instead burrowing her face into Callie’s chest and mimicking their position from the night before. “Sleepy,” she murmured. “Be nice.”

Chuckling to herself, Callie rested her chin on top of Arizona’s head. She lapsed into thoughts about their first official 'date', the phone call, the city tour, the decision to move in. They had created rules that they were failing miserably at obeying so far. She found it hard to believe that she had given up all hope just over forty-eight hours ago. 

“ _I'm_ sorry I didn't plan our day better; I shouldn't have dragged you all over town."

Arizona looked up and met Callie's eyes, a shy smile forming. "I had a great time yesterday, Calliope. Please stop apologizing for it."

Callie's stomach did a little flip and she gave her a dopey grin. She couldn't help it – those dimples were deadly. "Then I guess we're both on the same page. Yesterday was amazing."

"Yeah," Arizona agreed quietly, rolling onto her right side and presenting Callie with her back. She took the brunette's arm and guided it around her waist before she could get the wrong idea.

Callie sensed that it was an excuse to avoid eye contact but gladly shuffled closer anyway, clasping their hands together and resting them against Arizona's stomach. "We should get your stuff today," she said absently, focusing on the feel of the blonde's slender fingers intertwined with her own. "Once you unpack your bag, maybe this place will feel more home."

"Yeah," Arizona repeated, her voice still distant. Callie instinctively tightened the arm around her middle and placed a firm kiss against the crook of her neck, causing Arizona to shiver again.

"You know, you weren't the only one worn out from yesterday," Callie pointed out, hoping some small talk would help her relax. "For a person that recently had major surgery, you're kind of like a steam engine."

"I blow a lot of hot air?" Even Arizona had to smirk at that one.

"You plow through whatever obstacles get in your way," Callie corrected with a laugh. "It was impressive. I had trouble keeping up with you in the market; you're a fast shopper."

"Some people speed-read, I speed-shop. It's a gift," Arizona smiled. She was starting to feel a little more at ease, enjoying how it felt to spend a lazy Sunday morning in bed with her newly declared girlfriend.

"One of many, I'm sure," Callie mused. They lapsed into another round of silence, this time with noticeably less apprehension. She spoke first. "For someone that agreed to reinforce the rules, you're awfully receptive to early morning cuddles. It's kind of cute."

Heat rose in Arizona's cheeks. "Does this mean you no longer think I'm a badass?"

"You can be both," Callie countered. "It's the dogtags. They're an everlasting symbol of your badassery, Major Robbins." She accented her point with another firm kiss to the base of her girlfriend’s jaw.

Somehow Callie’s reassurances did little to reassure. Arizona was about to point out her actual rank in hopes of restoring some bad girl points when she realized that the familiar weight around her neck was missing. She tensed and brought a hand to her chest, starting to sit up. Callie squeezed the arm around her waist and hurriedly drew her back in.

"They're in your purse," she soothed, knowing exactly what the cause for panic involved. "You left them on the table last night before you showered. I didn't want them to get swept up in Hurricane Yang's path of destruction." Sometimes Callie wondered if Cristina ran around the apartment while spinning in circles, knocking random crap over and leaving it on the floor.

Arizona relaxed, melting into Callie's embrace. "Okay, good. Thanks." She closed her eyes and released a heavy sigh now that the panic had subsided.

Callie placed a sensual kiss against the shell of her ear. "Sabes, eres muy atractiva cuando los llevas." [ _You look really hot when you wear them, you know._ ]

Arizona’s brow arced upward. “I have no idea what you just said, but I am _insanely_ turned on all of a sudden."

Callie burrowed her nose into the back of the blonde's neck, smiling. "¿Eres tan promiscua?" [ _You're that easy, huh?_ ]

Arizona closed her eyes and snuggled back, clearly enjoying herself. “Mm. More please.”

Callie pressed her lips to Arizona's shoulder this time, watching for a reaction, grateful for an excuse to explore. "Tuve razón; tienes una voz muy sexy por la mañana." [ _I was right; you do have a really sexy morning voice._ ]

Arizona hummed quietly.

"No tienes ninguna idea de lo que estoy dieciendo, ¿verdad?" [ _You don’t have the faintest idea what I’m saying, do you?_ ] Amused, Callie decided to have a little fun. She dropped her voice an octave. "Puedo hacer sándwiches de queso muy buenos." [ _I make really good grilled cheese sandwiches._ ]

Arizona shivered, a light smile playing over her lips while she listened. She could only imagine what Callie was saying, but whatever it was, she liked the sound of it.

"Verdaderamente, los mejores." [ _Seriously, the best._ ] Callie placed a strategic kiss along the back of her jaw. "Tres tipos diferentes de queso, pan casero, y poquitos especias para el picante. Tu mente se va a volar." [ _Three different kinds of cheese, homemade bread, a little bit of spice for flare. It will blow your mind._ ]

“Keep going,” Arizona murmured, the sexy husk to Callie's voice doing all kinds of things to her insides.

"Puedo hacerlo para tí, si lo quieres. Aseguro de que nunca vas a comer queso llanuro otra vez." [ _I can make you one if you like. I guarantee you’ll never go back to plain cheese again._ ] Callie`s fingertips drew slow, calculated circles along the patch of exposed skin between Arizona`s t-shirt and pajama bottoms.

Arizona groaned and finally rolled over, staying well within reach. Their lips were a mere breath apart as she lifted a hand to gently caress the brunette’s cheek. “Very sexy.”

Callie’s heart began to beat double-time and her eyelids drooped dangerously low. She was having a hard time resisting the urge to make a move. "Pues, no lo arruines con ketchup," she murmured distractedly. "Voy a patearte el culo." [ _You’d better not ruin it by using Ketchup. I’ll kick your ass._ ]

Nanoseconds away from sealing their first kiss of the day, Arizona suddenly froze, her brow creasing while her eyes remained closed. She drew back a fraction. “Did you just say Ketchup?”

Callie’s sultry demeanor slipped and a faint grin started to crack the surface. She popped one eye open.

Arizona groaned and gave her a playful shove, dropping back against the pillow. “That’s not fair. You can’t be all sexy and bilingual and expect me to behave myself – even if you are talking about tomatoes."

"Not even close, chica."

Arizona pouted. " _Mean._ "

Callie shrugged and flashed the blonde a cheeky grin, running a hand up her ribcage. "Sorry.”

Arizona looked worn down but she was smiling as she reached up to brush a strand of hair from Callie’s cheek. A moment of comfortable silence passed as she traced every beautiful, exotic feature with her eyes. Even in such a simple setting, Callie looked miraculous.

“Hi,” she whispered after a moment, a hint of red touching her cheeks. She felt pretty damn lucky right now – she had no idea where she would be without this woman. Probably homeless, legless, and hopeless in a ditch somewhere.

Or worse – living with her parents.

“Hi yourself.” Callie closed the short distance between them and pressed a gentle ‘good morning’ kiss to the blonde’s lips.

When they pulled back, Arizona closed her eyes again, feeling the need to conserve energy. She knew it would be much too easy to just roll over and go back to sleep if she wasn’t careful.

Callie studied her face, biting her lip as she contemplated if now was the right time to ask about the dream. She didn’t want to ruin the moment but her concern – and perhaps her curiosity – got the better of her. She hesitated before tightening her arm across Arizona’s waist.

“Will you tell me what you were dreaming about?” she asked tentatively, almost afraid to hear the answer. Bombs, injured soldiers; the list was so much bigger than she could ever imagine. She had no idea what kinds of things Arizona had seen or done during her multiple tours of duty.

A deep shudder rolled through Arizona’s body and she squeezed her eyes shut, burrowing her face into Callie’s chest. “Camel spiders,” she murmured, pressing her nose into Callie’s collarbone.

Okay, that wasn’t entirely what she had been expecting. Callie blinked down at her in confusion. “Uh…what?”

Arizona whimpered and practically suctioned herself to the warm body surrounding her. “God, you don’t wanna know. They’re just…they’re huge. Like, bug-monsters-from-another-planet huge. They look a cross between a spider and a scorpion, and you can actually hear them crawling through the sand at night if they're big enough.”

Callie’s jaw fell open and her fingers immediately stilled.

“I’ve heard some of the guys talk about how they’d be sleeping on the ground and have to wait until the things got close enough before they could jump up and hack their legs off.” Arizona groaned at the memories. “They’re called camel spiders because they have a reputation for jumping out of the sand and latching onto a camel’s throat. Or they lay their eggs in their stomachs or something. At least, that’s how the stories go. I found one in my bunk once and didn’t sleep for almost two weeks.”

“Arizona, stop talking,” Callie said evenly, frozen in place and unable to breathe. She was staring at the wall over the blonde’s shoulder with a horrified expression, eyes as wide as dinner plates.

She did _not_ do spiders.

Arizona scrunched her nose and pulled her head back, fixing Callie with a sheepish grin. “Sorry. You asked.”

“My bad,” Callie said weakly, feeling like her skin was crawling with insects. “I know I said I wanted to hear every detail that you're willing to give me, but if you could skip the parts about giant creepy desert bugs, that would be really great.”

“Noted,” Arizona chuckled. “Whatever you do, don’t Google them. There are videos.”

Callie whimpered. She knew that was never going to be an issue.

Since Callie looked like she could use a moment to recover, Arizona took the opportunity to wiggle free from her grasp. She rolled onto her back and stretched, her joints popping and muscles straining as they tried to relieve the residual tension. “Mm, I like this bed. It’s all warm and cozy. And it comes with a Calliope-shaped body pillow,” she added, a sparkle in her eye.

“It is a nice bed,” Callie agreed. “Although technically you’re not supposed to be in it.”

Arizona feigned hurt. “Ouch. You spend the night with a woman and assume she’d at least have the decency to cook you breakfast before kicking you to the curb.”

Callie laughed and looped a leg through Arizona’s, minding her sore knee. “There will be no curb,” she said firmly. “But we did agree that the rules start today.”

“We did?”

Callie narrowed her eyes. “Mm-hm. Selective memory much?”

Sighing, Arizona leaned over and pressed a chaste kiss to Callie’s lips. “Fine. The rules start today,” she echoed. “As soon as we get out of this bed.” She pushed her point by leaning in for another kiss. Despite her embarrassment over needing to be carried like a child, she definitely didn’t mind the fallout so far.

Callie smiled against the blonde’s lips. It kept taking more and more effort each time they kissed to remind herself that their decision to go slow was for the better. Arizona didn’t look like she particularly cared for their rules right now, either. She lifted a hand to weave it through Callie’s hair, pulling her closer and allowing the kiss to deepen. It stayed slow and tentative, and she was careful not to recreate yesterday’s humiliating performance, but that didn’t mean it felt any less wonderful.

She opened her mouth to grant Callie’s tongue access, causing a flurry of butterflies to erupt in her stomach. A low groan rumbled from the back of her throat and she rolled forward, pushing Callie onto her back and shifting on top.

Callie instinctively brought both hands to rest on the curve of Arizona’s waist, holding her steady as she pulled back to arch a questioning eyebrow.

A cheeky grin flashed her way. “I’m behaving,” Arizona promised, dropping her head to nibble at Callie’s bottom lip. She was feeling bolder, more confident now, and wanted her girlfriend to know that she was anything but weak.

Callie begged to differ – that was _far_ from behaving in her books – but she wasn’t about to protest when the warm weight of Arizona on top of her felt so damn good. With a hearty groan, she caved in and allowed the kiss to continue, minding her hands and leaving them in place. As much as she wanted to let them wander, yesterday was still very vivid in her mind. She wouldn’t make the same mistake twice.

Still, the kissing was nice. It was a perfect way to start the day off right; like eating Wheaties, only tastier and way more fun.

As for Arizona, she was just grateful for the chance to prove that she wasn’t a total basket case. She didn’t want Callie to feel the need to treat her like glass; she wanted the two of them to move forward and it bugged her knowing that she was the one holding them back.

Eventually she broke the kiss, a lazy smile taking its place. “I could get used to this,” she murmured. “Which is unfortunate because we’re not supposed to.”

Callie ran her hands up and down Arizona’s sides. “I know,” she sympathized.

Arizona brushed her nose against Callie's, gazing down at her adoringly. “I meant what I said. Thank you for yesterday; you have no idea how much I needed it.”

“Any time.” Callie licked her lips and resisted the urge to pull her closer. It was ridiculous how much that smile of hers made coherent thoughts impossible.

“When do you have to go back to work?” Arizona glanced at the alarm clock.

“This afternoon.” Unable to hide her disappointment, Callie breathed heavily and cast her eyes downward. “I probably won’t get home until late.”

While the thought of being left alone made Arizona feel an involuntary pulse of nervousness, she quickly pushed it aside and mustered up a bright smile. “It’s okay, I’m not going anywhere. I’ve got physical therapy at noon anyway, so maybe we can walk together?”

“I’d like that,” Callie agreed. “It’ll be like going to work together.”

Arizona grinned at the idea. “Two days in and we’re already _really_ codependent, aren’t we?”

“Codependent is better than clingy.”

“Yep, it is.” Arizona sealed the sentiment with a kiss. “It’s kind of nice, actually. I feel like I’m finally starting over, and after everything that’s happened, I think I really need that.”

Callie matched her girlfriend’s happy smile. “Me too,” she said earnestly, tilting her head up and capturing her lips for the umpteenth time.

As much as she wanted to let it deepen and spend the morning making out like a couple of teenagers, Arizona knew they had to be careful. They were already back in bed together and historically she only had so much self-control, no matter how messy things might be in her own head. Some days it felt like she had two brains – one that was damaged and trying to find its way back to normal, and another that was still the same hot-blooded woman she had always been. The one that couldn’t resist how perfect Callie’s body felt, or how _amazing_ her lips tasted, or how good she smelled, or…

With thoughts of consequences and promises made floating around her mind, they broke apart and Arizona rolled off. She crashed to the side, trying to quell the growing fire in the pit of her belly and think about something -- _anything_ \-- other than how badly she wanted more.

“This kind of sucks,” Callie stated, folding both hands neatly over her midsection and staring up at the ceiling.

“A little,” Arizona agreed, releasing a short breath and mirroring the position. “We get the benefit of living under the same roof without the actual benefits of living under the same roof.” She drummed her fingers against her stomach, trying not to sound as frustrated as she felt.

Now that she was awake and undistracted, the first wave of discomfort was starting to take its toll. Her depleted calf muscle gave a sharp throb and she grimaced at the reminder, trying to flex it beneath the covers. While their tour of Seattle had been fantastic, it had also taken its toll on her body. After a few hours of walking around on crutches, her arms felt like they were ready to fall off, not to mention the strain it seemed to have put on her bad leg. Overall she felt like her thirty-three year old self trapped in the body of an eighty-year-old woman. It wasn't fair.

Arizona closed her eyes for a moment and gritted her teeth, suddenly feeling her mood take a hard swing to the right. She just wanted one damn day where it didn't feel like her leg was on fire. Was that really too much to ask?

Callie rolled to face Arizona, frowning in concern. “How are you feeling?”

“Better than ever,” Arizona replied neutrally, a small wave shaking her voice. While Callie meant well, the concerned looks now being thrown her way weren’t helping her feel any less agitated. She didn’t feel up to hashing out her physical discomforts again; everything hurt pretty much all the time and that wasn’t going to change any time soon. With the nerve damage she had sustained in the explosion, it would probably never fully go away.

She knew this; her doctors had been telling her so for months and yet her frustration was beginning to mount–- she was _so_ sick of coming across as some useless tool that couldn't so much as roll over without needing help. Not only did she feel mentally incompetent sometimes, but she couldn't seem to get her own body to listen to her.

Not wanting to take things out on Callie just because she was concerned, Arizona sat up and swiped a hand through her hair, releasing a hard breath through her nose. The only thing she knew she do was push forward one step at a time and not think about what happened beyond the next moment.

Callie bit her lip. She didn’t want to ruin what had been a good morning up until now, but at the same time she couldn’t help but worry, especially when Arizona was so quick to brush off her discomfort. “Is there anything I can do? Maybe help you with some of your stretches to work out the stiffness?”

Arizona flashed her a tight smile, turning away and swinging her legs carefully over the side of the bed. “I’m okay, really. Just a little achy.” Her fingers automatically dug into her thigh. “No pain no gain, right?”

“To some extent,” Callie agreed, sitting up behind her. “Do you have your meds with you or are they still at the hotel?”

“I’ve got some in my purse,” Arizona said through a yawn, stretching her arms wide and popping her neck to the side. She focused on her leg as she stretched it out in front of her, slowly rolling her ankle in a circle and pursing her lips at the resistance she was met with.

Callie watched like a hawk until she remembered that the crutches were still by the couch. “Let me go get your other legs. Hang tight.” She pulled back the covers and climbed out of bed.

While the brunette padded into the hallway, Arizona took a couple of deep breaths and closed her eyes, doing her best to squash down the throbbing pain that was starting to spread. It was always bad first thing in the morning, particularly after a busy day, and yesterday definitely counted as one of those. She tugged her pant leg up and grunted when she saw that the swelling in her knee had exceeded its normal limits. Physical therapy this afternoon was going to be a bitch.

Arizona didn’t notice Callie re-enter the room until the brunette appeared by her side, an ice pack in hand. “It’s not that bad,” she said quietly, dropping her eyes away from the concerned gaze. It made her feel self-conscious.

“Let me see.” Leaning the crutches against the bed, Callie knelt down in front of Arizona and very carefully rolled her pant leg up the rest of the way. She tucked it carefully above her knee and waited for a silent nod of permission before proceeding.

Arizona swallowed thickly as Callie’s hands began to feel around, starting at the knee and working their way down to her mangled calf. She hit a few tender spots and subtly manipulated the muscle, helping to ease some of the tension locked up inside. Arizona half-heartedly held the icepack over her kneecap and averted her gaze.

Callie’s brow was creased in deep thought as she worked, pooling her experience as an orthopedic surgeon with the knowledge she had gained from working with physical therapists over the years. Arizona’s leg was lucky to still be attached to the rest of her after what it had been through; Callie was under no illusions as to how painful it had to be. Aside from the initial blast injury itself, the external fixation rods screwed into Arizona's bones and right through her skin had left scars of their own. Skins grafts she had received in Germany covered some of the damage, but the more recent surgical scars from Callie’s own operations were still fresh. The knee joint was still discoloured and swollen, so it was hard to tell how it would look when it had healed properly. While a general knee replacement surgery usually set a patient back by six weeks, Arizona had yet to bear weight on the limb. Hers would take much longer to heal as a result.

The most noticeable repercussion from the injury was definitely Arizona’s calf. Callie had been forced to remove a fair amount of dead or inflamed muscle tissue caused by broken bone and flying shrapnel. As a result, the contour of her calf was not a smooth arch anymore – a portion spanning several inches along the back was indented where the most damaged tissue had been removed. Only time would tell how much it would strengthen back up, but the surgeon in Callie was positive it would always be weaker than the other one.

Regardless, Callie thought that Arizona looked nothing short of amazing. She was a survivor and she was still standing after going through something unimaginable, and it made her heart swell with pride to know how much strength that had to take. Arizona would walk again, there was no doubt in Callie’s mind. She was too stubborn not to.

Looking up at her face, however, Callie could tell that she felt differently. She couldn’t begin to imagine what it would feel like to switch places. Arizona was as independent as they came and the inability to do things for herself was probably driving her crazy.

“Ouch,” Arizona hissed, suddenly jerking her leg back.

Callie winced. “Sorry,” she apologized, reaching for the appendage again.

Blushing furiously, Arizona pulled away. “No, don’t, it’s fine,” she grumbled, climbing to her feet and fumbling with the crutches. The last thing she wanted was for Callie to see how much she still struggled on a day-to-day basis. She had already witnessed more of in the hospital that the blonde would ever have liked her to.

“Arizona--”

“I said I’m _fine_ ,” Arizona snapped, a little harsher than intended. She immediately bit her tongue and closed her eyes. “Sorry, I’m just…I’ve got it, okay? I’m a big girl.”

Callie backed off and stood up, nodding in resignation. “Okay.”

Arizona forced out a smile and nodded over her shoulder. “I’m gonna go wash up, then I’ll make you breakfast.”

“You don’t have t--”

“Callie.” She cocked an eyebrow.

The brunette held up both hands. “Okay, great. Breakfast it is.” She watched Arizona move stiffly into the hallway, her shoulders sagging as soon as she was out of sight.

“Nice job, Torres,” Callie mumbled to herself, rubbing a palm against her forehead. If she didn’t watch it, she was going to scare her away before the day even began.

***

Arizona’s mood started to improve after she washed up and took her pain medication. Despite her earlier frustrations, she was glad to be there in the apartment with Callie, no matter how confusing her life was right now. That was the one thing she was sure of. The other? That her leg still hurt like a bitch and she was starting to wish that Callie had just chopped it off. But she was determined not to let that sour their first official day together, so she sucked it up, put a smile on her face and headed into the kitchen.

Callie had thrown her clothes in the washing machine so Arizona was still in her pajamas when she emerged. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Callie looked away from inspecting the refrigerator and smiled, though it was somewhat wary. “All good?”

“Yep.” Arizona made her way over to the stove, feeling a nervous flutter in the center of her chest. “What do we have to work with?”

After a brief hesitation, Callie decided that dwelling on a case of the morning crankies would do neither of them any good. So she stood back and opened the fridge door wider, gesturing at its contents. “Take your pick.”

After a quick discussion about cravings and what sounded like the perfect breakfast, Callie left to quickly brush her teeth while Arizona pulled the food out. Once she returned, they got started.

Between the two of them, they created quite a feast for themselves – scrambled eggs, bacon, hashbrowns, French toast and freshly squeezed orange juice. Arizona stood by the stove, flipping the last piece of bread while Callie sat down on the opposite side of the counter, nibbling on some bacon and watching her work.

“I like seeing you cook in my kitchen,” she said with a smile. “ _Our_ kitchen, I mean. I'm a little surprised how good at it you are.”

"Why does everyone always assume that I can't cook?" Arizona whined.

Callie shrugged, perplexed. “I dunno. You don’t really seem like the domestic type, I guess.” Receiving a crooked grin in return, she laughed. “Hey, what do I know? You just moved in. If I don’t die from this I’ll assume you have skills.”

"I'm a good cook!” Arizona shot back. “Unlike Teddy I don't burn everything I touch, including water."

Callie frowned. "How can you—"

"No one knows,” Arizona shrugged. “But never let her make you soup, even from a premix." She pivoted and transferred a plate of French toast to the counter, leaning across to set it next to her girlfriend. “Cover in syrup, sprinkle with icing sugar, eat and repeat.”

Groaning at the amazing smell that was slowly permeating the room, Callie picked up her utensils and dug in. Arizona joined her seconds later, sliding into the stool on her right.

This was the first time Arizona had cooked in a real kitchen in probably eight months, maybe nine. The hot plate and microwave in her hotel room didn’t count. Considering she was used to cooking over either a camp stove or whatever sorry excuse for a ‘kitchen’ the military bases had, she was impressed that she hadn't botched the whole meal.

She was halfway done her breakfast by the time she came up for air. Callie had just about cleared her plate, too. Wiping syrup from her mouth, Arizona laughed at how ridiculously hungry they both were. “Please tell me we can do this every morning.”

“Count me in,” Callie readily agreed. She chugged her juice down in one breath. “Mm. I can see the merits of having a live-in girlfriend already.”

Arizona rolled her eyes. “I knew it. You just want me around to do the dirty work.”

“Among other things,” Callie teased, watching her blush. “The cooking thing is definitely a bonus.”

“I can make cake with a microwave, a coffee mug and basic ingredients. You don’t know how lucky you have it, Torres.”

Callie genuinely smiled. “I think I’ve got a pretty good idea.” She glanced at the clock above the stove. “I wish I didn’t have to go to work, though. You still need to get your stuff.”

“Teddy texted while you were washing up; she's gonna take me,” Arizona said. “I’m going to PT with you, then she’s driving me to the motel so I can grab my bags. By the time you get home, I'll have filled up one whole drawer. And maybe chopped my hair off."

Callie looked shocked. "What? No! I love your hair. Don't cut it off."

"Just a few inches," Arizona laughed. "I really need it shaped into something less…fluffy. It's been more than seven months since the last time someone touched it with scissors. I’ll at least make an appointment."

Callie reached over and trailed her fingers through the golden curls. "For the record, I like it long. It's beautiful."

Arizona grinned like a fool and focused on her food to keep from blushing again. "Thanks. I'll keep that in mind."

Dropping her hand, Callie nibbled on another piece of bacon. "What else do you have planned while I'm slaving away over an OR table all day?"

"I have to make some calls about my disability pay," Arizona said absently, scrunching her brow. "You'd be surprised how much paperwork they make you fill out when you get blown up. They're lucky I didn't lose my hands instead."

Callie looked surprised at the joke and Arizona laughed. "What? I'm allowed to be morbid. You can't be a surgeon with stumps for arms, let alone fill out insurance forms."

Callie shook her head. It was nice to see Arizona kidding around but it made her uncomfortable to think of such a horrific alternative. "So you're thinking about going back, then?"

Arizona quirked an eyebrow. "Back?"

"To surgery," Callie clarified, setting down her fork and swiveling around to face her. "It seemed like you missed it when you were in the hospital. You begged me to share case details and go over procedures all the time."

"I was bored.”

"You're a surgeon; you'll go crazy if you don't get back to cutting someday," Callie continued. "Trust me, I've seen scalpel-hungry animals in that place, it's never pretty.” Receiving nothing but silence in return, she pushed forward. “I'm just saying that you have lots of options, so maybe it wouldn't hurt to think about which ones you want to consider. You have plenty of time."

Arizona averted her eyes. "Maybe," she said absently.

Callie furrowed her brow, unsure why the sudden shift in attitude had taken place. "I don't mean you have to run back to the Marines," she added, poking at her eggs. "There are lots of local hospitals here in Seattle. One right across the street, even." She smiled, although suddenly she felt nervous. "From the way Altman talks you up, you were a damn good surgeon."

"To be honest, I haven't really thought about it," Arizona said, pushing the remaining food on her plate around in a circle. "You need to be quick on your feet in trauma. I'm a long ways away from that, if ever."

"What about--" Callie hesitated. She didn't want to overstep her bounds, but curiosity got the better of her. "What about finishing your Pediatrics fellowship?" She swallowed hard when Arizona jerked around in surprise "It's not that crazy of an idea. From the way you talked about some of your peds patients, it really seemed like your thing. Maybe it's time to get back to that instead of trauma."

She liked the idea of Arizona becoming a peds surgeon again. Trauma was just so…violent. The more she got to know the woman, the more she thought that trauma just wasn't _her_. She might have been exceptionally good at it, but Callie's glimpses of the underlying perk beneath the emotional baggage really made her believe that Arizona would be spectacular with kids. Right now it was more of a feeling than anything she could put her finger on, but she suspected that she was right. Besides, the last thing she wanted to happen was for some horrific trauma case to trigger Arizona’s painful memories and send her back to the dark place in her head.

Arizona released a short, humorless laugh. "Yeah, that's…that's not going to happen." She dropped her fork, unsure if she was losing her appetite or just full.

"Why not?" Callie ducked her head in an attempt to catch her eye.

Arizona sighed in frustration, losing her patience. "Because it's just not, okay?" She slid off of the stool, tucking a crutch under her right arm and gathering up their dishes.

Confused, Callie watched her hobble around the counter. "Sorry, I didn't mean to…I-I was just thinking out loud. I think you could be great at it again."

"Callie," Arizona began, dumping her plate in the sink and turning around. "I hardly think I'll be able to stand in an OR for more than thirty seconds right now, let alone six to twelve hours."

"I—"

"Can we just drop it, please?" Arizona turned away. "I don't want to talk about this right now."

Stung, Callie nodded wordlessly. She finished the last bite of toast on her plate and got up to start loading the dishwasher, an uncomfortable silence hanging in the air between them.

Arizona focused her attention on tidying up the mess on the stove. If it weren't for the far off look on her face, Callie would have thought that she was ignoring her on purpose. That didn't stop a heavy knot from forming in the pit of her belly, suddenly making the big breakfast feel like a huge mistake.

"I'm gonna go shower," she said after a while, sneaking a sideways glance at the other woman. "I have to leave for work in about forty minutes if you still want to come."

"Yeah, sure," Arizona agreed, forcing out an awkward smile. "I'll see if my clothes are dry yet."

Nodding, Callie excused herself and padded barefoot down the hall, closing the bedroom door behind her.

Once she was alone, Arizona slumped back into the kitchen counter, dropping her face into her hands. "Damn it," she muttered under her breath, a heavy sigh whisping through her fingers.

This was not how today was supposed to start out.

***

Arizona was nowhere to be found when Callie emerged from the shower thirty minutes later, nor did she see her when she exited her bedroom and started pulling her shoes on at the front door. Disappointed, she assumed that Arizona had changed her mind and was hiding in her room after their brief argument.

As she was putting on her coat, however, Callie heard the distinct sound of crutches coming down the back hallway. Arizona finally appeared, dressed and ready to go. She gave the brunette a shy smile and came to a stop a few feet away. "Ready?"

Returning the gesture, Callie nodded and grabbed her purse from the floor. "Yep, all set." She reached for the door handle just as Arizona gasped quietly behind her.

"Oh, wait!" Without explanation, she turned and half stumbled into the nearby kitchen. Before Callie could inquire, she returned with a paper bag in hand, the top symmetrically folded in perfect creases. She held it out and this time produced a much more sincere grin. "Lunch."

"You made me lunch?" Callie carefully extracted the present from the blonde's hand, a goofy smile spreading across her face. She had thought the cute offer the other night was just a joke.

"I promised I would, didn't I?" Arizona sheepishly tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Gotta earn my keep. I didn't have much to work with but I'll get Teddy to drop by the store while we're out and pick up some groceries."

"Thank you," Callie said sincerely, stepping closer to give her a soft kiss. She was pleased to feel it returned without hesitation, much of the nervous tension between them beginning to melt away. She was a little confused by Arizona’s mood fluctuations, realizing that the woman was more sensitive about certain things than she’d first thought. She made a mental note to tread carefully until she figured her out more.

"Breakfast and lunch in one day. You’re buttering me up.”

“I know.” Arizona grinned and pushed by Callie, opening the door and leaning back to let her pass. “I told you I wear the pants.”

“At least you actually _have_ pants on this time,” Callie mused, a cheeky smirk forming as she exited into the hall. She locked up behind them before stuffing both hands into her jacket pockets. “Ready?”

Arizona steadied herself on her crutches and nodded. “Lead the way, roomie.”

***

_May 17th, 2009_

 

The next fourteen days were a bit of a learning curve. Neither of them regretted the decision to move in together, it was just a matter of getting to know each other’s habits and working around their carefully constructed set of rules. Callie learned that Arizona was very touchy about certain subjects and treaded carefully, choosing to forgo any further career talk until the blonde was ready to bring it up on her own. After that first day, things began to smooth out and they relaxed into a coexistent pattern.

A few times they travelled to the hospital together, Callie to work and Arizona to physical therapy. Jeff, her PT, was a bit of an arrogant sonofabitch, but Callie held her tongue because he was good at his job. She wanted the best Seattle Grace had to offer helping her girlfriend, and unfortunately he fell into that category. More than once she had snuck up to the training room to try and catch a glimpse of their sessions, but she was never able to stick around for very long. From what she saw, Arizona was pushing herself pretty hard. Callie did her best to refrain from constantly reminding her to take it easy.

Some days were worse than others when it came to physical discomfort. The morning after a difficult session, Arizona would look more haggard and worn down than usual. Callie also suspected that the dreams were worse on those nights, but since they now slept in separate beds, she couldn’t know for sure. Arizona never talked about it. She was beginning to put some weight on her bad leg while still utilizing two crutches for support, so for a week or so her discomfort level skyrocketed significantly, and along with it the rough nights. No matter how many times Callie tried to inquire, Arizona always skirted the conversation. It was frustrating.

Overall, things between them were great. They enjoyed spending time together without Arizona confined to a hospital bed and the change in atmosphere lifted her spirits considerably. She bought new clothes, a few personal accessories, got her hair trimmed and even bought a new pair of shoes to celebrate the fact that her leg was finally bearing weight. Callie was overjoyed to see her girlfriend start to enjoy her life again.

Callie’s hours were far less erratic now that she was an attending, although she still got stuck working the occasional night shift. On those lonely evenings, Arizona found the apartment freakishly quiet and often borrowed Callie’s laptop to play music or movies in her bedroom. Cristina was nice and everything, but they had about as much in common as a rock and a ham sandwich. Arizona even took Callie’s advice and tried to put her own spin on the apartment, but every time she moved the corner lamp to another table for better reading, Cristina just moved it back.

Evenings when they were alone together really tested their resolve. While they were moving forward with caution, the underlying attraction between them never changed. Every day when Callie came home from work, all she wanted to do was see her girlfriend and collapse on the couch for a few hours of quality time. Cristina voiced her displeasure, claiming that mauling each other with their tongues was no better than having sex, but eventually she gave up trying.

Despite Arizona’s many insecurities about her own body, the more time they spent getting physical on the couch, the more she started to miss sex. She was terrified at the notion of going there again someday soon, but she could still relish the memories of how good it used to feel. She craved Callie and that sense of intimacy more than she did the act of getting off. The taste of her lips, the sensation of a warm body pressed up against her own; none of these things helped to quell the urge for more when they were together. It felt like she had two brains – one that was damaged beyond repair and one that reminded her on a daily basis how insane she was for not sexing Callie Torres up every chance she got.

It was torture -- the tug-of-war of feelings were pure and simple torture.

Callie was in pretty much the same boat. Even though she wanted to take their time getting there, _god_ , did she miss sex. Celibacy did not suit her well, especially not when she had a gorgeous, smart, funny, _sexy_ woman always within her reach. She felt bad even fantasizing about Arizona; the blonde was always so careful to keep herself covered up that it seemed disrespectful to think about her in a way she wasn’t ready for just yet.

That didn’t mean Callie didn’t catch her mind wandering in that direction more often than not, especially after a good make-out session on the couch.

It was a hard-fought battle some days. Arizona never ceased to take her breath away, even when she was wrapped in an oversized hoody, yoga pants and thick socks. It was ridiculous how cold she tended to get in their well-heated apartment, but Callie loved the excuse to curl up together and be Arizona’s own personal heat machine.

All of it would be worth the wait, no matter how long it took. Callie reminded herself of that every single day and she believed every word.

***

Two weeks after moving in together, Callie found herself daydreaming about her girlfriend while standing by the administration desk on the second floor of the hospital. She was doodling on a notepad, waiting for lab results on a patient of hers -- a pediatric patient that automatically drew her mind straight back to said girlfriend, whom she was trying very hard not to fixate on while at work. It was hard, considering the blonde had shown up that morning with a fresh hair cut that left her with all kinds of unprofessional thoughts in her head. The blonde curls still fell well below Arizona’s shoulders but the shape and style allowed loose ringlets to perfectly frame her face, bringing out her dimples and somehow even accenting those deadly blue eyes.

And now Callie was distracted. She couldn’t stop thinking about getting home later that night and spending some quality time on the couch. Her hands were itching to try that new hair cut out for themselves.

“Hey.” A heavy chart was set down to her right. “You look a little less than enthused to be here.”

Callie grunted in response, not bothering to look up. She recognized Teddy’s voice. “I’ve got better things I could be doing right now.”

Teddy smirked, interpreting that in her own way. “Oh?”

Callie dropped her pen and cleared her throat awkwardly. “No, not that kind of thing. We’re not…we’re waiting, and being careful and…stuff. I’m sure she’s told you.”

“Mm-hm; I’ve been briefed.” Teddy signed off and handed her patient’s information to a waiting nurse. “I’m sure that’ll last long.”

Callie shook her head. “We’re not in any hurry to rush things. She’s still getting comfortable in her own skin again; I don’t want to push her too hard.”

“She’s lucky to have someone like you,” Teddy added, leaning into the counter. “How’s she been lately?”

“She’s good,” Callie replied, mulling the last few days over in her mind. “She gets quiet when she’s in pain, so I can usually tell when she’s having a bad day. But she’s trying. I think she’s a little lost on where to go from here; she just doesn’t seem to want to talk about it with me.”

“A little pushing won’t kill her,” Teddy said gently. “Robbins is like a goat. She’s stubborn and refuses to move unless you pick her up and throw her out of the path of a moving train. A little manhandling can go a long way in a conversation.”

Callie snorted at the imagery. She would never say it out loud, but Arizona _did_ resemble a stubborn farm animal sometimes. The woman was like a brick wall when she was set in her ways, and her uncanny ability to shut down the conversation when she didn’t want to talk about something was irksome. “Somehow I feel like picking her up and throwing her anywhere would only land me in the dog house for a month. No thanks.”

“Just don’t let her be an ass,” Teddy said. “I know she doesn’t mean to be but she’s going to have to talk to someone sooner or later. She’s been the queen of avoidance since her brother died; now that she’s got someone she trusts she needs to start dealing with everything.”

“Has she talked to you about her plans?” Callie picked idly at a fingernail. “I’m trying to give her some space on the subject but I can tell it’s bothering her.”

“Not really,” Teddy sighed. “I’ve asked, but she just gets really quiet. I think she’s afraid of what will happen if she can’t get back into surgery again.”

Callie frowned. “It’s not like she doesn’t have options. It might be a ways off but she should still be able to operate. Her hands work just fine.”

Once again, Teddy’s eyebrow crept its way toward her hairline.

Callie blushed profusely at the implication. “ _Not_ what I meant,” she hissed, averting her gaze back down to the notepad.

Laughing, Teddy picked up a new chart and shifted it to the crook of her arm. “Just don’t let her shut you out. She always shoots herself in the foot when that happens.”

“Thanks, Arizona Whisperer,” Callie teased. "Any more words of wisdom before I head home?"

"Yeah. Good luck." Smiling, Teddy strolled away. Callie didn't have much time to ponder the advice before one of Dr. Kinley's pediatrics fellows appeared from around the corner.

“Dr. Torres,” the young woman announced. “We have Aaron Conley’s results back. Dr. Kinley wanted to talk to you before scheduling his surgery tomorrow.”

“Okay, thanks, Rachel.” Callie gathered her wits and straightened up, her thoughts still jumbled as they headed for the elevator. She tried to distract herself by flipping through the patient's chart even though she already knew it by heart.

"He's been a real trooper, considering the amount of pain he's probably in," Dr. Adams said. "Sweet kid. Made my morning full of premature deliveries and infant heart failure a little brighter."

Callie smiled, familiar with the eight-year-old's sunny disposition. He suffered from a dislocated shoulder and a broken clavicle, all caused by a careless driver running a red light. His mom had been treated and released, but he was sitting on the impact side and came out less fortunate. The mom was an emotional wreck while the kid was looking forward to putting stickers on his cast.

As they rode the elevator in contemplative silence, Callie studied the pediatrics fellow out of the corner of her eye. She suited the role, from what Callie knew about her. She was the happy-go-lucky type, yet serious when it came to medicine, and she was great with kids. While different from Arizona in many ways, Callie could see a few professional similarities between the two.

"What made you decide to go into pediatrics?" The question slipped out before she could stop herself.

"Hm?" Dr. Adams glanced over. “I don’t know, really. I worked well with kids in my residency and sort of gravitated towards the difficult peds cases when I could. I’m the oldest of six siblings; I guess I’m just used to taking care of kids.”

“Six? Wow,” Callie said, impressed. She could hardly handle living with Aria most days while growing up; she couldn’t fathom dealing with five others in the same house. “Did you ever consider another field?”

Thinking about it, Dr. Adams shrugged. “I guess every resident does at some point. I tried everything and didn’t really think about my specialty until my fourth year. I worked with Cleveland Clinic’s head of neuro for a few months at one point but eventually got pulled into pediatrics and never looked back.”

As the elevator doors popped open, she looked curiously at Dr. Torres. “Why the questions? Re-thinking your career path?”

“No,” Callie laughed, turning down the first hall on their right. “No, I was just curious, that’s all.” She paused. “I have a friend who's been a surgeon with the military for a few years. She started off doing a pediatrics fellowship before she joined, and now she’s not sure what she wants to do after she’s discharged.”

“Where did she attend?”

“Hopkins. She did her residency there and started the fellowship, but I think she only completed six months or something before switching to trauma.” That was as much information as Callie had gotten out of her girlfriend about the subject in the three months she'd known her for.

Dr. Adams shrugged. “She can probably go back. I’ve heard of people changing their minds halfway through or after they’ve finished and switching specialties.”

“Yeah, but that’s pretty rare, right?” Callie’s pager went off, announcing that her lab results were ready just as they approached the technician’s window. “In younger surgeons especially. Peds is so competitive; could she even get back into a fellowship?”

“That depends; is she any good?” Adams grabbed one envelope handed through the slot and popped it open, absently skimming through the first few pages.

Callie smiled as she thought about Arizona. “Yeah, she’s pretty amazing from what I hear.”

Rachel shrugged. “It wouldn’t hurt to look into it. If she went to Hopkins, I’m sure Kinley would be drooling to have her on his team. Especially if she’s already finished half of the fellowship requirements.”

Even though a part of Callie knew that this wasn’t her inquiry to be making, she couldn’t help but feel a tingle of excitement in the pit of her belly. Arizona had said that she didn’t know where to begin rebuilding; well, Callie might have just found her a starting point. It couldn’t hurt to ask.

Dr. Adam’s pager went off at her side. “Shoot, I gotta go.” Backing away, she called out one last thing. “Hey, tell your friend that Kinley’s got a spot opening up in the fall when Tim Gates moves away. She should apply.”

The flutter in her stomach grew bigger. “Thank you,” Callie replied, her mind suddenly racing with the possibilities. She twisted the lab results in her hands as she replayed the conversation a few times in her head.

Arizona was right; maybe it was time to retire her Navy badges. But she could also hang up her trauma hat in the process. Callie was suddenly positive that she knew where the next best thing might lead.

***

Arizona was packing up some leftovers in the kitchen when the front door opened around 8:30 P.M. She heard the telltale noise of keys jingling in Callie’s hand and a boot kicking the door shut behind her. Both of her roommates were loud when they came home from work, but Callie’s stomping had a certain rhythm to it and Arizona always knew when it was her. It was probably a weird thing to notice but she had become accustomed to picking up on sounds during her three years with the Marines. It was a habit by now.

“Honey, I’m home.” Callie swaggered around the corner. “Ooh, what’cha makin’?” she asked, hovering over Arizona’s shoulder.

Turning her head for a quick ‘hello’ kiss, Arizona smiled at her girlfriend’s cheerful demeanor. “Nothing special, just some pasta and salad. You hungry?”

“Starving,” Callie groaned, dumping her purse on the counter before gathering Arizona in her arms. She snaked them around the blonde’s waist and pulled her close, tilting her head down and kissing her soundly on the lips.

Surprised by the move, Arizona nonetheless leaned into it, threading her fingers through Callie’s hair and enjoying the moment. “Mm, somebody had a good day,” she murmured when they broke apart again.

Callie’s eyes were absolutely sparkling. “I did have a good day; now it’s getting better.”

Beaming, Arizona tugged on Callie's jacket and nodded over her shoulder. “You want me to fix you up a plate? I didn’t think you’d be home until later or I would’ve waited.”

“In a minute,” Callie replied. She chewed on her bottom lip and gave Arizona’s hips another squeeze. “I wanted to talk to you about something first.”

Arizona must have looked apprehensive because Callie laughed and planted another kiss on top of the first one.

“Jeeze, don’t look so terrified.”

“Are you kicking me out already?” the blonde mused, only half joking.

Callie squinted at her. “No, I’m not kicking you out.”

Arizona hummed skeptically. “You didn’t get us a cat, did you? Because I’m pretty sure we’re already a big enough stereotype as it is.”

“Would you just zip it and let me talk already?” Callie tugged on her waist. “I did not get you a cat. I got you information.”

Now Arizona looked confused. “About what?”

Even though she was excited, Callie couldn’t help but feel the bundle of nervousness stir in her belly. She remembered Arizona’s initial reluctance to talk about her work, but she was positive that this opportunity was too good to pass up. “About the fact that there’s a pediatrics fellowship opening up at Seattle Grace in the fall. September, to be exact, but the start could be delayed if you need the extra time to get your strength back.”

Arizona’s whole expression suddenly went completely blank and she leaned away from their embrace. “You…what?”

Callie's nerves grew. “I was working with one of our peds fellows on a case today and we got talking. I told her about your situation with the Marines and how you might be thinking about a change down the road.”

Arizona’s brow skyrocketed. “You shouldn’t have wasted your time,” she said stiffly.

Callie was expecting some level of resistance, but when the blonde suddenly pulled out of her arms entirely, she frowned. “Hey, I didn’t sign you up for anything, I just asked a few questions. That’s all.”

“’That’s all’?” Arizona echoed, a range of emotions flickering across her face, none of them immediately identifiable. “I can’t believe you,” she accused, barely managing to keep her voice down. “You are _unbelievable_.”

Callie’s jubilance at her discovery faltered. “What? No, I wasn’t—”

“We’re not talking about this.” Arizona’s movements were jerky as she shoved the lid onto a big Ziploc container and stuffed it inside the fridge.

Callie jumped when she slammed the door closed. “Hold on a second. I didn’t go into detail or tell her your name or anything; I just thought she might know a few things about the program and whether or not Kinley would take on someone that’s already half finished.”

When she still received no reaction other than being ignored, she stepped in to block Arizona’s exit and gently took her by the arm. “You were _so_ close, Arizona, it would probably only take you a couple of months to finish. This could be a really big—”

“None of this was your business to ask about in the first place, Callie,” Arizona snapped, jerking away and jamming a crutch under her right arm. “God, you are _so_ out of line right now!”

Shocked, Callie tried to backpedal in a hurry. “No, stop, would you just – listen to me.” Instead, Arizona spun around and hobbled into the living room, Callie following behind as she tried to grasp at what was happening. “Hey, I’m trying to talk to you.”

Arizona pivoted again, wobbling in place. Her entire body was rigged with tension and her arm shook as she leaned her weight into the crutch. “I told you it was none of your damn business and that I didn’t want to talk about it. A-and then you what, go walking around asking people if they can pen my name in for September? Without asking me if that’s something I even wanted first?”

“It came up in a conversation,” Callie shot back, raising her voice. “And in case you’ve forgotten, you _wouldn’t_ talk to me about it when I tried.”

“Because the last thing in the world I have time to worry about right now is going back to work, Callie!” Arizona yelled. “Why the hell can’t you get that?”

“All you do is sit around here worrying yourself sick,” Callie reasoned, taking a small step closer. “I see you every day, Arizona; you have no idea what comes next and I think that terrifies you.”

“How the hell would you know?” Arizona said bitterly. “We have one half conversation about it and suddenly you just assume that I’m—”

“I’m not assuming anything.” Callie closed her eyes and huffed. “I’m trying to help. This isn’t me pushing you into going back to work before you’re ready. It’s called support, something that’s part of being in a relationship. Maybe you’ve heard of it.”

“Oh, right, because if _you_ think it’s I need to do something, even after I told you it’s never going to happen, that’s what support is.” Arizona scoffed and looked away.

“Exactly, you _told_ me; you didn’t explain _why_.”

“I am not a pediatric surgeon, Calliope. I don’t know how else I’m supposed to spell it out for you. I was with the Marines longer than I was in peds.”

Callie folded her arms. “So you’re saying you want to go back to Iraq instead? After everything you went through?”

Something dangerous flashed in Arizona’s eyes. “Do **_not_** talk to me about Iraq,” she snapped.

Callie stopped, shocked into silence. She had never, ever heard Arizona sound so angry or defensive before, or look so shaken up.

Arizona bit her tongue and sucked in shallow breath, her heart pounding violently inside of her chest. “Have you ever been in a place where everyone around you is probably going to die and there is _nothing_ you can do to save them?”

Callie didn’t know how to answer that. She dropped her arms away, some of the fight leaving her body when she saw how pale the other woman was. “Arizona…”

“Not to mention that the last time I was in an OR I nearly got myself killed, so forgive me if I’m not exactly keen on repeating the experience.” Arizona turned away, furious that she felt tears burning behind her eyes. She hated that her tear ducts were wired to her anger fuse.

Callie winced. As if she needed a reminder. “But that’s why this peds fellowship could be a way to start over,” she pushed, exasperated. “Don’t you get what I’m saying here? You _don’t’_ need to go back.”

“What is your deal with the fact that I’m a trauma surgeon?” Arizona turned, failing to keep her composure. “This is who I am now, Callie. It’s what I’m good at. _Stop_ trying to change me.”

“I’m not trying to change you!” Callie’s head hurt; she was so confused. “You just said you didn’t want to go back there, and I’m sorry, but it doesn’t really seem like you want to do the trauma thing in America, either.”

“I don’t know what I want! There, are you happy?” Arizona blinked hard and had to look away; she knew it was obvious that she was crying by now. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Please, just drop it.”

Callie took a careful step forward, afraid of spooking Arizona again. Her stomach was tied in knots and it killed her to see the blonde so upset by something that she had done. “And what, watch you tear yourself apart every day because you refuse to talk to anyone? That’s not how this works. I can help you if you’d just _let_ me.”

“Just -- _stop_.” Arizona jerked away and held her head in her hands, squeezing her eyes tightly shut. She felt like she was backed into a corner and the adrenaline pumping through her veins was dragging up old memories; memories of things she refused to think about ever again; memories that if let in would only bring back the choking stench of burnt flesh and plumes of smoke; memories of the crippling loss of her brother and the irreparable fissure it left behind in their family. She couldn’t go back to either of those places, not when she felt like she was still fighting for her life -- even if she didn't know what life that was anymore.

Callie stopped, a deep pang reverberating in her chest. She was horrified to have caused such a visceral reaction. “I’m sorry, okay? God, I’m so sorry. I won’t talk about it anymore, I swear. Just let me--”

Arizona shook her head and dropped her hands away, refusing to make eye contact with tears of humiliation streaming down her face. “I can’t. Okay? I can’t. Not now.”

Callie could only watch helplessly as Arizona stumbled towards the bedroom, barely hanging onto the single crutch at her side. She felt sick and wanted nothing more than to follow her and take it all back; she wanted to rewind to ten minutes ago and never mention the conversation she’d had with Dr. Adams in the first place.

Instead she stood rooted to the spot, listening to the door slam across the apartment that cut off any further communication. The silence that followed was hollow and deafening, and all she could do was wonder what the _hell_ had just happened.


	7. Chapter 19

_May 19th, 2009_

 

After a restless night of tossing and turning, Callie dragged herself into work around nine the next morning. Arizona was still sleeping when she made breakfast -- or at least pretending to be – and Callie didn't have the courage to check on her before leaving. She still felt stressed from their fight and Arizona's adverse reaction to what she had thought was a simple inquiry, and she couldn't stop wondering how badly she had screwed up, no matter how unintentional it was.

Callie found herself distracted at work – at least for a little while. She prided herself on being professional and never let her personal life interfere with her responsibilities to her patients, but Arizona began cropping up more and more in her mind as the day wore on. She was nervous as hell at the idea of going home and fighting again, so when one of her patients suffered some minor post-op complications, she clung to the excuse and chose to stay overnight at the hospital.

She was avoiding their problems, no matter which way she looked at it. It went against her better judgement; yet the idea of facing Arizona without knowing what to say was too difficult. Instead, she chose to spend the night in an on-call room, sending a quick text message to explain that work was keeping her busy so Arizona wouldn’t worry. All she received was an 'okay' in return.

At least she wasn't ignoring her. That was something.

Mark was the first person Callie saw outside of her residents on the second day of her self-imposed exile. He came into the ER as she was inspecting a badly broken femur and waited while she ordered x-rays, hovering outside the door of Trauma One.

Callie spotted him right away but procrastinated the inevitable conversation she knew was coming. Eventually she ran out of excuses as her patient was taken upstairs for testing, so she dragged her feet across the room and stopped in front of him.

Mark took one look at the bags under her eyes and grabbed her by the arm. "Kepner, I need to borrow Torres for a consult." He didn't even bother to wait for an answer before he pulled her down the hall, figuring some coffee and a sugary donut might perk her up.

"Did you talk to her this morning?"

"No," Callie mumbled. She had called Mark in tears the night of the argument, upset but unwilling to share the intimate details of why. She respected Arizona too much to air her personal problems to a person she barely knew – as desperate as Callie was for someone to talk to. She wanted to go to Teddy for advice, the one person who knew Arizona better than anyone else, but Teddy was her girlfriend's confidant and she didn't want to wedge herself in between them. 

Mark didn't say anything as he bought her coffee and loaded it up with sugar, waiting until she drank a few gulps before guiding her to a cafeteria table. "Don't look so defeated. It's just a fight; Robbins will get over it."

"I'm not so sure." Callie stared into her drink and idly stirred its contents in a circle. "I screwed up, Mark. Big time."

"But you didn't mean to, right?" He was confused as to why she wouldn’t tell him the details – she had only been living with the new girlfriend for a few weeks and hiding out at work seemed excessive. "She'll probably be over it by the time you get home. Absence makes the heart grow fuzzier or...hornier or something."

"Fonder," Callie replied flatly.

Mark cocked an eyebrow. "You _are_ going home tonight, aren't you?"

Callie shrugged. "You didn't see her. She was _so_ upset. I should've known not to push her. She said she didn't want to talk about it and I didn't listen. She has every right to be angry with me." Heaving a frustrated sigh, she pouted into her coffee. "I thought things were good between us and now I'm hiding from the one person I actually look forward to seeing every day."

"Hey," Mark protested.

Callie managed a half grin. "Present company excluded," she teased.

Mark smiled but went silent, staring at his best friend thoughtfully. Callie quirked an eyebrow when he neglected to speak what was on his mind. "What?" she asked. He tried to wave it off but she wasn't buying it. "You’re wearing your 'something' face. Just tell me."

"Are you sure this is what you want?" Mark asked, treading lightly. "I know you like her and everything, but maybe you didn't sign on for what you thought you did. Maybe you need to move on before--"

"No," Callie snapped, cutting him off.

“—before you get too attached,” Mark finished.

"I am not breaking up with her just because she's recovering from an unimaginably traumatizing experience,” Callie argued. “She's going through a lot right now and that's why I wanted her living with me in the first place, so I can be there to help her through it. She doesn’t have anyone else, Mark."

“That doesn’t mean you’re obligated to be her doormat whenever she’s in a pissy mood.”

“That’s not what happened,” Callie sighed. “It’s…it’s complicated. Things were going good until the other night and I’m not regretting that we're together or anything.”

Mark waited patiently. "But?"

Callie released another sigh and cast her eyes downward. "But I thought she'd at least talk to me about these things, y'know? Not shut me out whenever I try to get through to her. We talked about it the day she moved in and she agreed that she wouldn't keep pulling away. Except that communication seems to be missing from the Robbins family gene pool, according to Teddy, so maybe I shouldn’t be too surprised at how stubborn she is.”

Mark chuckled into his coffee. “Because you have no idea what it’s like to be a stubborn pain in the ass that never listens to anyone,” he mused.

She ignored him and picked a hole through a napkin sitting on the table. “She said she’d tell me about the stuff she's going through, only she doesn't and then I end up with my foot crammed down my throat and everything is horrible."

"Maybe you just need to give her time to trust you."

"You think she doesn't trust me?"

Mark shrugged. "I don't know her."

Callie scowled at him. "Not helping."

"Hey, you're the one hiding her from me."

"For her own good. She's got enough to deal with these days; she doesn't need you interrogating her with pervy questions."

Mark smirked and let it go for now. "All I'm saying is that you should give her some time to get used to things. She probably doesn't want the girl she's trying to sleep with knowing she's got issues."

"She doesn't 'have issues'," Callie huffed. "She's—"

"Torres." Mark smiled compassionately. "I know. You like the girl and she likes you. I get it. If you're willing to stick it out through all of this crap, it'll work. Relax."

Callie's defences melted away and she slumped forward. "Is it bad that I expected this to be easier? Am I a horrible person for wishing we could just be like every other happy couple? I skipped the honeymoon phase with Erica and went straight to 'angst and abandonment'. I'm not too keen on repeating the experience."

"Nah," Mark replied, reaching over to ruffle her hair affectionately. "You'll be fine. Robbins wouldn'tve chased you into that elevator if she didn't want you to be together. Just let her figure out what she wants and she'll come to you."

It wouldn't be quite that simple and Callie knew it, but she kept her comments to herself. Arizona would only figure out what she wanted if she allowed herself to think about it, something she seemed to be avoiding at all costs. Callie couldn't help her or give her the support she needed until Arizona decided to let her in. It was a scary reality – she wasn't capable of sitting back and watching someone she cared about suffer in silence, but she didn’t know what else to do.

Sipping her coffee, Callie forced her mind to focus on something else. She eyed Mark across the table. "You're oddly perceptive for someone who's been at work since three days ago. What gives?"

Mark's face fell and he dropped his gaze. "I'm leaving for a while, Torres."

Callie sat up straighter. "What?"

"New York Presbyterian contacted the Chief last week; they want to second me away for six months while their Head of Plastics is on leave. It’s a great contract and a chance to see Sloane-Sloan while I’m there, to check in on my dad and whatnot. I can’t turn it down.”

"You're moving?" Callie looked crushed.

"Just for a few months," Mark said, taking her hand and giving it a comforting squeeze. "Sorry, kid. The Big Apple beckons."

"No," Callie whined. "You can't leave. Who am I supposed to bitch to when my love life goes south?"

"Guess you'll have to hold it together 'til I get back." Mark shot her a playful wink before tugging them both to their feet and engulfing her in an enormous hug. "I have to leave on Thursday."

Closing her eyes, Callie squeezed him tightly, burying her face in his chest. "You suck, you know that?"

Mark smiled into her hair. "You'll be fine."

***

The apartment felt hollow with Callie gone for two days. Cristina was also away for the week, leaving Arizona with nothing but time and space to replay the argument over and over again in her head.

Three years ago – hell, even six months ago – she would have stewed just long enough to pull her thoughts together before marching down to the hospital and confronting Callie head-on. While she was still angry about Callie’s meddling, she felt an enormous amount of guilt for going off on her the way that she had. It felt as though someone else was saying and doing those things, controlling her body and forcing her to react in the most un-Arizona way possible. Even though she had somewhat of a reputation for being a hot head, she never did the avoiding thing – until now. Why bother stressing about something when confronting the issue could solve the problem and save you a stomach ulcer?

Every time she thought she had worked up the courage to go and talk to her girlfriend, she lost it before she could even get both shoes on. The only reason she left the house on their second day apart was for physical therapy. It was tempting to skip it and crawl back into bed for an afternoon of sulking, but she knew Callie would kick her ass for missing an appointment.

The session went about as good as she expected it to. She was doing well but progress was much slower than she would have liked. Her calf was throbbing by the time she finished, a sharp pain shooting up the back when she tried to put some weight down. Jeff, her physical therapist, suggested that she take a break for the rest of the day and let the crutches do their job. Arizona only agreed because her body wasn’t allowing her much choice in the matter. Her leg was about to collapse out from under her.

It would have been easy to avoid the surgical wing of Seattle Grace if she wanted to but instead she forced herself to take the elevator downstairs and hobbled to the other side of the building. If she was guessing correctly, Callie would be on lunch right about now. The brunette had made such a habit of coming into her hospital room between noon and one-o’clock when she was here that Arizona knew she would find her eventually.

The attendings’ lounge was empty and Callie wasn't on the surgical board, so she hedged her bets on the cafeteria. Butterflies danced in her stomach and made her regret the granola bar she'd scarfed down upon leaving her appointment. A small part of her was hoping that Callie was somewhere unattainable, but as soon as she entered the cafeteria she spotted her nearby – and she wasn't alone.

Arizona had met Mark Sloan three times in the last few months. The first was when he had not-so-covertly scoped her out on Callie’s behalf during her first few days at Seattle Grace. She saw right through his charming smile and offers to take a ‘closer look’ at her injuries. The schmoozing pretty much told her the kind of guy she was dealing with right off the bat.

Since she had moved into the apartment, Mark had stopped by on two very brief occasions, the first of which was to talk at Callie about his failed love life with someone named Grey and the second to borrow her Thunderbird. She had been sitting on the couch and exchanged a brief ‘hey’ with him over the threshold but beyond that she barely knew the guy -- other than he was Callie’s best friend and the village bicycle around these parts.

Arizona hadn’t been super pleased when Callie sheepishly admitted to her ‘fling’ with Sloan once upon a time. Repeated assurances that it was only about sexual benefits and not actual feelings somehow failed to make her feel better.

She couldn’t help but feel a small flare of annoyance when she saw Mark Sloan with his arms wrapped around her girlfriend. She knew it was petty and stupid, and that jealousy was a totally unattractive quality in a person, but given the way she and Callie had left things it didn’t exactly give her a huge boost of confidence. Maybe Callie was regretting letting her move in or even agreeing to date her in the first place. Maybe Mark was encouraging her to ditch the dodo and return to a more familiar landscape of men and their penises.

Shaking her head and shoving aside those stupid and unhelpful thoughts, Arizona simply waited for the two of them to notice her. It was lame but she couldn’t think of a better way to approach without making things ten times more awkward.

Mark’s eyes eventually drifted in her direction and he tightened his hold on Callie. “Stand your ground, Torres. You can do this.”

Frowning in confusion, Callie pulled away and twisted her head around. She spotted Arizona hovering near the cafeteria entrance, eyeballing the pair of them with nervous apprehension.

Mark took Callie by the shoulders and drew her attention back to him. "Now go kick her ass and tell her not to yell at you anymore."

Callie laughed. "Thanks, Mark." He started to turn away until she stopped him. "Why do you care so much? About Arizona and I? Usually you just space out while I cry like a baby and sleep on your couch with a tub of ice cream."

He looked at her like she was an idiot. "Because I love you and someone's gotta keep an eye on you while I'm away." He glanced briefly to where Arizona was waiting. "And because she makes you smile. I kind of thought you'd forgotten how to for a while there."

Callie felt herself blushing and blinked hard to keep it together. She was really going to miss him while he was gone. "You'd better come over and say goodbye Wednesday night, Mark Sloan. Don't make me hunt you down."

With a lopsided grin, Mark tipped an invisible hat and left her to face Arizona alone.

Callie didn't turn around right away; she closed her eyes and sucked in a deep breath through her nose first. Truth be told, she wasn't sure if she wanted to have this discussion right now. She was exhausted and had a full afternoon scheduled ahead of her. The last thing she could handle right now was another fight.

Arizona had moved no closer by the time Callie turned to face her. She was leaning heavily into her crutches and trying not to fidget too much. Callie stuffed her hands into her lab coat pockets and strolled forward before she lost her nerve again.

"Hey," she said, coming to a stop in front of the blonde.

"Hey." Arizona twisted her right crutch into the resin floor, a nervous tick that Callie had picked up on over the weeks. "Are you busy?"

"Yeah. Well, no, not at this…sort of. It'll be a long day."

"Can we talk for a minute?" Arizona sounded quiet and tentative; strange even to her own ears. She was terrified that her girlfriend was about to tell her to buzz off.

Callie hesitated. "Arizona—"

"I'm sorry, okay?" Arizona licked her lips and glanced around, lowering her voice. "I was a jerk, I was…I don't know what I was. But I shouldn't have yelled like that. I'm so sorry."

Callie managed to relax her shoulders. "And I overstepped, I get that now. I'm sorry, too." She wanted to know more, like _why_ Arizona had been so defensive and angry, but she didn't have the energy to ask right now. That was a conversation longer than the few minutes she had left.

"Could we go somewhere for a minute?" Arizona chewed her bottom lip. "I missed you last night and I really want to talk if you’ve got the time."

Callie opened her mouth when her pager interrupted her train of thought. She checked the screen and shot Arizona an apologetic look, feeling guilty for the small flood of relief she inadvertently felt rush through her. "I have to go. My motorcycle crash is back from x-ray and I've got a different surgery to prep for in an hour."

"Oh, okay." Arizona looked deflated but she nodded in understanding. "Do you know when you'll be home tonight?”

Callie barely had time to think about an answer when more beeping sounded from her hip. She growled and mashed impatiently at the buttons on the device. "Sorry, it's insanely busy today and I have no idea. I'll try not to be too late, provided no one in Seattle does anything stupid in the next few hours."

Despite the need to get back to work, she lingered some more, reading the uncertainty on her girlfriend’s face. It looked like Arizona hadn’t gotten much sleep the last few nights, either. "Maybe if I get out of here at a semi-decent time, we can cook a late dinner together?"

Arizona nodded, eagerly latching onto the idea. "Yeah, for sure. That sounds great. I'll wait up."

Callie smiled, still feeling shaky but also very relieved that they were at least talking again. "Okay. I’ll see you tonight?"

"See you tonight," Arizona echoed. Her eyes followed Callie's retreating back until she was out of sight.

It was a start, at least. While the short interaction did little to calm Arizona's nerves, at least they had gotten it over with. Despite her own issues stemming from the argument, she wanted to make the fight up to Callie. She was a guest in her home and wanted the brunette to know that she appreciated everything she had done for her. Of all the confusing thoughts running through her mind these days, her desire for a relationship with Callie was never called into question. About Callie, she was certain. She needed her to know that.

With a new resolve forming in the pit of her belly, Arizona headed home. She had a few hours left to try and find some way of properly apologizing and she was pretty sure she needed every minute to figure it out.

***

Once her current patient was safely in the hands of her residents, Callie prepared to bring the car accident kid, Aaron Conley, back into the OR for his final surgery. Dr. Adams was going to be assisting her again and she could only hope the fellowship inquiry wouldn’t come up.

She decided to check on the boy one last time before the nurses brought him to pre-op. He was lying against a mountain of pillows, staring absently at a portable gaming system clutched in his good hand, half-heartedly mashing at the buttons.

“Ready to go, sport?” Callie tapped the end of Aaron’s bed with his chart. He looked sullen and unhappy with his arm immobilized and didn’t respond.

Callie gathered up her best smile and moved to stand next to him. “Why so glum? I’m gonna fix your arm today so it won’t hurt so much. You’ll have that cool cast we talked about and all your friends can sign it at school.” Aaron just shrugged. “Where’s your mom?” Callie tried, surprised to find him alone right before surgery.

“She went to sign stuff with the nurse lady,” he said, sounding as though someone had just run over his puppy.

“Ah.” Callie pulled up the chair his mother usually occupied and reached over to take his hand. “Are you nervous again? Because you kicked total butt yesterday; today will be a cinch.”

Another non-verbal shrug of the boy’s one good shoulder.

Sighing, Callie tried to think of a way to lift his spirits. “When does lacrosse season start up?”

“July.”

“Hmm.” Callie’s forehead creased in thought. “Well, you’ll still be recovering when the season starts, but if you do exactly what your physical therapist tells you to – and I’ll make sure you get one of the good ones -- I bet you’ll be able to join the team for the end of the season. That means you’ll have the whole playoffs to show off your new shoulder. How does that sound?”

“They won’t let me,” Aaron said quietly. “Jason Blakely broke his elbow and Coach Wilson made him wait a full season before he could play again.”

“Well, Jason Blakely didn’t have me for a surgeon, did he?” Callie flashed the kid her most radiant smile and followed it up with a mischievous wink. “I’m sure I could talk to your coach and explain how having a rested and refreshed player for the playoffs can only help him win the division title. I can be _really_ convincing and I’ll make sure he can’t say no.”

Aaron’s face perked up for the first time in days. “Really? You can make him let me play?”

“I can,” Callie said confidently. Given the boy’s recovery schedule and the fact that her never-ending trust fund wouldn’t miss a sizeable donation to the local lacrosse foundation, Callie was positive she could very easily make Coach Wilson see things her way. The boy needed something to look forward to while he was rehabbing his shoulder.

Aaron’s smile began to return. “You think the rest of the team will sign my cast?” he asked hopefully.

“Of course they will,” Callie replied, standing up as Mrs. Conley came back into the room. “Wouldn't it be cool if they put their jersey numbers next to their names, just like the pros?”

“Yeah,” he said giddily, looking up with wide, hopeful eyes at his mother. “Can they, mom?”

“Of course, sweetie,” the woman said, sending Callie a warm grin. “Thank you, Dr. Torres. I was afraid I wouldn’t see him smile again for months.”

“No problem,” Callie chuckled, resting a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Don’t worry, he’ll do awesome in there. You’ll have him back in a few hours.”

Mrs. Conley looked nervous but squeezed Callie’s hand. “I’m going to hold you to that.”

Callie stood by the door and watched as the woman went over to kiss her son and tell him everything would be all right, that he didn’t need to worry about a thing. There was a time not too long ago when Callie thought that would be her; that she would have a son or daughter to comfort and protect and entertain when they were home sick from school or just having a bad day. She’d come close to having that chance, too, but then the universe had pulled the rug out from under her. Thinking about it only sent a deep pang through her chest and she did her best to shake it off, instead watching the pair in front of her and admiring the bond they shared.

Sometimes she felt like she had missed out on the chance to be a mom, but then she would think about how she met Arizona and her whole perspective changed. She wasn’t in a rush to get to that part of her life again; she was content to explore this new chapter with a woman that had captivated her attention for months now. Hopefully someday, the opportunity would come around again.

Despite the huge blow-out they’d had, thinking about Arizona still made Callie smile. That’s how she knew they would work. No matter how difficult Arizona’s emotional recovery was, Callie wanted to be there every step of the way.

Straightening her posture, she left Aaron and his mom to say their brief goodbyes before the nursing team took him to prep for surgery. She needed to clear her head and ensure he was the only thought in her mind when she stepped into that scrub room.

***

Aaron was Callie’s focus for the afternoon. It was 2:00pm by the time he was under and she made sure the blue casting material was set aside for after, as promised. She did everything in her power to push Arizona and their fight to the far corners over her mind as she worked meticulously on the eight-year-old’s shoulder -- her goal was to give this kid full mobility so that his mom got to watch him play lacrosse again someday soon. She was going to stick to her promise to get him into those playoffs by the end of the season.

Dr. Adams watched Callie’s flawless technique with interest. “You think he’ll have the same throwing arm his mom kept bragging about?”

“That’s the plan,” Callie said distractedly, frowning in concentration. “It’ll require a lot of physical therapy but something tells me this kid will work it off in no time. He lives and breathes sports; I doubt he’ll have trouble keeping an eye on the finish line.”

Dr. Adams chuckled. “I never understood the draw to lacrosse. Both of my brothers played it in high school and I hated being dragged to their games. Probably because they were both asses.”

“I loved it,” Callie said. “I played in middle school and high school. It was really fun.” She twisted one of the surgical screwdrivers around a bolt going into his bone.

Dr. Adams shifted her hands to get a better look. “Did you talk to your friend? The one that used to be in peds?”

Callie paused for a beat. “Sort of.” She wasn’t too keen on delving into the issues that conversation had caused. Arizona had been right about one thing -- it wasn’t her place to go asking career questions on her behalf. Hindsight was a bitch.

Adams looked up curiously. “What happened?”

“Uh…” Callie hesitated again. “It’s complicated, I guess. She’s not really ready to think about going back to work yet. I’m not going to sign her up for September or anything; that’s up to her.”

“Understandable. She could probably use the time off after being in the military.” Dr. Adams looked up as one of the nearest monitors emitted an irregular blip. “What was that?”

Grateful for an excuse to abandon the line of questioning, Callie looked up. “Arrhythmia?” She frowned and looked to the anaesthesiologist.

“He’s under and otherwise stable,” the man confirmed.

Confusion clouded Callie’s brain as the same cardiac episode repeated itself on the ECG monitor overhead. It was subtle but there was definitely an irregularity that hadn’t been present during his surgery yesterday. His pressure had dropped enough to verify that something was up. “Page cardio and somebody re-check his family’s medical history. I’m not taking any chances with this kid.”

Now thoughts about Arizona would definitely have to wait until later. All she could think about was Aaron’s mother waiting outside for an update. Callie really hoped she was about to deliver a good one.

***

“ARVC,” Teddy announced, eyes glued to the ultrasonic screen display. She moved the wand further down the boy’s chest to view his heart at a different angle. “His right ventricle is shot.”

Callie’s own heart sped up as she kept her eyes trained on what she was doing to Aaron’s shoulder. “Damn it. There was no prior indication, even in his medical history. His dad died years ago and the mom only knew so much.”

Arrhythmogenic right ventricular cardiomyopathy, or ARVC, was a genetic disease involving the deterioration of the right ventricle. In most cases, episodes were discovered post-mortem during an autopsy when a young athlete collapsed during physical exertion. Callie wasn’t sure if this kid was lucky or not; it depended on the damage Teddy found when she got in there.

“I need to open him up.” Teddy handed off the ultrasound and started prepping. “Does someone want to notify his family this will take a little longer than planned?”

Callie looked to the pediatric fellow across the table. “Go. Tell her we won’t know more for a few hours but that he’s in good hands.”

Rachel nodded, peeling off her gloves and returning to the scrub room.

Callie released a heavy breath. Something told her that she wouldn’t be getting home for dinner any time soon.

***

Hours passed and Callie finished what she could do for the shoulder, choosing to stay and keep an eye on things. Teddy was still working away, attempting to repair the damage that was much more extensive than either of them had thought.

“Did you talk to Arizona today?” Teddy asked out of the blue. “I think she was looking for you earlier.”

Callie shrugged. “Not for long. I had surgery and she caught me at a busy time.”

Teddy glanced up. “For what it’s worth, she feels really guilty. I don’t know what happened but—”

“You’ve really become her spokesperson of excuses lately, huh?” Callie cut in before she could stop herself. She grimaced and sent the other surgeon an apologetic smile from beneath her mask. “Sorry, that came out bitchier than intended.”

“I know what you meant,” Teddy laughed. “You’re right, I’ll butt out. I just hope everything is okay between you two.”

“Not so much these last few days,” Callie admitted, unsure how much she was allowed to say. “We had a bit of a fight two nights ago. She really didn’t tell you?”

“Maybe a little,” Teddy admitted. “She seemed hesitant to talk about it. Was it the nightmares again?”

“Not really,” Callie replied, surprised to hear that as Teddy's first assumption. Arizona hadn't mentioned any nightmares recently. Add that to the growing list of things they weren't talking about. “I might've been pushing her a little hard on the peds thing. I just don’t get why she’s so touchy about it, but it's not my place, I guess."

Teddy spared a few glances across the table while she worked. “What did she say when you saw her?”

“That she was sorry and wanted to talk about it,” Callie replied. “Except talking seems to be the last thing she’s willing to do these days, so I have no idea if she really meant it. We’re supposed to try when I get home tonight, but I don’t know.”

“She came to see you. That’s something.”

“Is it?” Callie released a frustrated huff. “The way she was acting, it was like she was ready to spook and run for it at any moment. I have no idea how far the conversation would've carried if my pager hadn’t interrupted.”

“For Arizona? It is a big deal that she came to find you first,” Teddy said lightly. “She’s not so great at confronting her problems head-on these days, in case you haven’t noticed.” She shook her head and instructed her resident to retract a little more with the forceps. She said something to the scrub nurse before focusing on Callie again. “I’m not making excuses for her; I’m just saying. It’s more than she would have done two months ago.”

Callie fell silent and mulled that over while Teddy worked. Maybe she was right; it was Callie who had been avoiding the confrontation, whereas Arizona had been the one to show up and look for her. Despite the unease she sensed in the blonde, she _wasn’t_ the one that ran away this time. Callie was.

“I just wish she’d talk to me,” she admitted under her breath. “It’s been so hard having to sit back and know she’s suffering when she won’t let me help her. I just wanted her to have something to look forward to.”

Teddy shot Callie a sympathetic smile. “Tell her that and make her listen. She’ll come to you eventually, Torres. She’s just stubborn and a little lost right now. A lot of vets in her position are.”

“Funny, that’s what Mark said,” Callie chuckled, feeling tired all of a sudden. “I guess I just suck at waiting. I want to talk about everything and she doesn’t want to talk at all. Great pair we make, huh?”

“You are,” Teddy said pointedly. “You’re good for her and she knows it. I’m sure everything will be fine when you get home tonight.”

Callie was about to ask for conversational advice when a spurt of blood shot into Teddy’s scrubs. At the same moment Aaron’s host of monitors went berserk. Her heart leapt into her throat as Teddy started barking out orders to everyone around her. Callie retained enough sense to step back and not get in the way, but she otherwise found herself rooted to the spot.

“You need me to page someone?” she called over the chaos.

Teddy ignored her and ordered more suction while rushing to repair the bleed. By the time Callie got somewhat of a handle on what was going on, the internal paddles were already being placed into his chest cavity and charging to two-hundred.

***

Of all the things Callie thought she had to worry about today, this was not one of them.

From where she stood safely behind a pair of swinging doors marked ‘staff only’, she could see Mrs. Conley through the glass panel. The woman sat with her legs crossed and a magazine on her lap, although Callie had been staring for five minutes now and hadn’t seen her turn the page once.

It felt like someone had set a load of bricks on top of her chest. It hurt to breathe and she couldn’t bring her feet to move in the direction they needed to. A million and one different versions of the conversation they were about to have rolled through her mind, not one of them deemed good enough for verbal deployment.

She had been a doctor for six years, told loved ones that their brother, sister, mother, father, wife, husband, or friend was never coming back, and yet she still couldn’t stand it when it was a child. It didn't happen to her too often; in ortho a lot of the kids she treated survived their injuries and went on to do great things. When it did happen, it always managed to feel like she didn’t do enough to stop it.

Teddy appeared beside her. Callie kept her eyes trained on Mrs. Conley, words swollen in her throat and unable to escape.

“Do you want me to tell her?” Teddy asked, quiet and compassionate. She could tell the Conley boy’s death had hit Callie hard.

“No.” Callie managed to squeak out that one little word, completely uncertain how she would find the energy to force out the rest needed to deliver the news.

“Torres, you had no way of knowing he had a bad heart. We never do until it’s too late.”

“I promised him he’d be okay. Promised his mom she’d have him back.” Callie closed her eyes and let out a shaky breath. “He’s supposed to be in recovery and looking forward to the lacrosse World Cup on TV next month.”

“I don’t mind telling her,” Teddy repeated. “You’ve had a crap day; go home and sort things out with Arizona, it'll make you feel better.”

Callie was already shaking her head. “No.” She didn’t elaborate, suddenly finding herself pushing through the doors and marching in the direction of her patient’s mother. The woman was already on her feet and asking questions.

“When can I see him?” Aaron’s mother dug through her purse. “I need to call my sister to let her know when she can bring his cousin by.”

Callie finally managed to speak. “Mrs. Conley—”

The first crack of doubt showed in the woman’s face, but to her credit she ploughed on like she didn’t already have an idea of where this was heading. Her hand shook as it closed around the cellphone. “I don’t want him to wake up when he’s by himself. He’ll be too scared.”

Callie licked her lips and tried again. “Mrs. Conley—”

Mrs. Conley pursed her lips and this time she dropped her purse as her hands refused to work. She was crouching down and trying to stuff the contents back into her bag, the first stream of denial already starting to trickle down her face. “No, no, you don’t understand, he needs me to be there, he needs me to—“

“Angela.” Callie’s use of the woman’s first name got her attention and she found herself staring into shimmering green eyes as she knelt down. “I am so sorry.”

She didn’t remember much of what came after that. Mrs. Conley broke down into inconsolable sobs, making others uncomfortable and emptying the room as though the bad luck was contagious. Callie talked her through what happened, Teddy by her side to explain the cardiac defect and what it meant during surgery. How they’d tried unsuccessfully for forty-five minutes to bring him back until his body could handle no more. Callie doubted the mother heard any of it; they never did. 

It wasn’t the same, she knew it wasn’t, but a mother’s crippling loss of her son still drudged up memories she would rather forget. Callie was shaking by the time Teddy convinced her to go and wash up, that she and the nurses would take care of the grieving mother and make all of the necessary arrangements. Callie offered more pointless words of condolence, knowing they would only make the woman feel worse but unsure of what else to say. There wasn’t anything to make the pain go away; she knew that. A parent wasn’t supposed to outlive their child.

Callie all but drowned herself with the entire city’s hot water supply in the locker room shower. She was wrinkled and dehydrated by the time she stepped out, changing in a hurry and escaping before anyone else could find her. She no longer thought she could go home and deal with the emotional fallout from her fight with Arizona. It was bad enough that she had failed her patient today; she couldn’t take failing Arizona again by falling apart when the blonde had bigger issues to contend with.

Still, with no alternative other than an empty on-call room, Callie put one foot in front of the other and forced herself toward home, several detours and an hour at a time.

***

Six rings and a lot of flailing later, Arizona unearthed herself from beneath the mountain of blankets to answer her phone. She nearly knocked it off the coffee table in her attempt to pick it up before the call went to voicemail. "'llo?"

 _"Hey, it's me,"_ Teddy's voice came through. _"Everything okay?"_

"Yeah," Arizona said groggily, blinking sleep from her eyes as she rolled onto her back. "Just…nap. What's up?"

Teddy paused for a beat. _"Did Callie come home yet?"_

The other woman's tone caused Arizona to frown and glance at the wall clock across the room. "No, not yet. Why? What happened?" She struggled to sit up, letting out a stiff groan when every part of her body protested.

 _"Nothing,"_ came the quick response. _"I just wanted to know if you two had kissed and made up yet."_

Arizona gathered the blanket up to her chin, shivering beneath it. "Not too sure if there'll be any kissing, but that's the plan when she gets home. She said she had a late surgery and I fell asleep on the couch waiting."

 _"It got a little complicated. I'm sure she'll be back soon."_ Teddy shifted in her office chair. " _How are you holding up? Have you been sleeping?"_

"I just told you I was napping."

_"You know what I meant, Arizona."_

She fidgeted, trying to pretend that the question didn't make her uncomfortable. "Sort of. Sometimes. It's worse on nights when my leg is really sore."

_"Are you still having the dreams?"_

"Which ones?" Arizona mumbled sarcastically, rubbing her eyes. She could practically feel Teddy's pointed stare from the other end of the line, so she continued. "Yeah. Sometimes the beginning changes, but the end result is the same. I wake up thinking my leg's been blown off and everyone around me is dead." She picked at the blanket. "The drugs make it worse."

_"Have you told Torres?"_

"Not exclusively," Arizona admitted. "I think she knows. It's not like she can do anything." Teddy sighed in frustration and Arizona rushed on before she could scold her. "I'm managing, really. It's not a big deal."

_"You could talk to someone. There are resources."_

"I'm not crazy," Arizona said sharply. "I don't need some shrink to tell me what's bothering me, Teddy. I got blown up. I saw people die. I'll get over it."

 _"You know, sometimes I want to throttle you,"_ Teddy argued. _" You've been through a lot in the last few months; there's no shame in asking for help processing it all."_

"My father was a Marine for over forty years," Arizona replied evenly. "He managed just fine."

Teddy really had to resist the urge to reach through the phone and follow through on her previous threat. _"You can't compare yourself to him. He never got hurt the way you did. Also, he's an ass."_

"Teddy, I'm fine," Arizona repeated, losing a bit of her patience. "There are some good days now and there never used to be. I'm getting better."

_"Look, if you won't talk to someone professionally, at least try talking to Torres. Or me. Or whomever you feel like, just – someone. Otherwise you'll end up biting Callie's head off again and that's not fair. She cares about you; try not to make it such a chore."_

Arizona felt guilty all over again. "Okay, okay, I'll think about it. I promise." She re-checked the clock. "I really hope she gets home soon."

 _"I'm sure she will._ " Teddy fiddled with the phone before they could disconnect. _"Torres had a rough day. Cut her some slack when she gets there, okay?"_

Arizona frowned, starting to worry. "Yeah, of course. I’m not out for another fight; I just miss her."

That gave Teddy some hope. _"Good luck."_

"Thanks." Arizona disconnected and stared at the phone in her hand for a long while. She was even more antsy for Callie to get home after that conversation, and yet she still had no idea what to say.

Throwing the blanket aside, she grabbed her crutches and headed for the kitchen. If Callie was having a bad day, then Arizona was determined to do something that would end it on a happier note. If she was going to apologize, she was going to do it in style.

***

Arizona wasn’t so great with words these days. She used to pride herself on her speech-making capabilities, like how she used to rally her friends into staying out for one more drink or one last song and dance in her college days. In med school it turned into another hour of studying despite how exhausted everyone was at three in the morning. She could be very convincing when she wanted to and knew she could make it hard for people to say no.

With Callie it was different. She wasn’t playing games or making light of the situation; she wanted to explain that she was still adjusting to her new reality and would do better in the future. She was trying, even though it was really hard some days. Unfortunately every time she tried to think of how to put it into words, she came up empty. The blast had destroyed more than her leg, and her inability to process thoughts was becoming more frustrating as the afternoon wore on. Her head hadn’t felt this clustered since the concussion she’d earned in the explosion.

Frustrated and giving up all hope of a worthy explanation, she came up with a plan B born of desperation – cookies.

Arizona had always liked to bake when she was bored. With the demands of her job and the lack of an actual kitchen or ingredients while on-duty, she rarely got the chance. She had managed a few times at the base where she was stationed, but that was a ridiculous amount of months ago and before her hands were occupied by metal crutches.

She rooted around the kitchen like a starving racoon and tried to pull together the things she needed. It took her twice as long to dig the ingredients out, given that most of them were on the top shelf and she could barely reach them. The bag of flour fell and narrowly missed her head, scattering powder all over the floor and her pants. She cursed and begrudgingly decided to leave it for now, figuring this was only a prelude to how the whole session was about to go.

By the time she finally got everything set out on the counter and measured into the right proportions, she was exhausted. Her leg was throbbing and she kept banging it against something every time she turned around. For the first time since being injured, she half-heartedly wished that Callie had just cut it off. Swinging a lump of dead weight around for the rest of her life suddenly seemed like more of a hazard than a help.

Relying on the crutches for support made the disaster so much worse than she could have ever imagined. Whenever she turned around she either tripped over them, knocked something over, or sprayed ingredients during the mixing process because she couldn’t hold onto the mixer properly. It probably would have been easier to just give up and go back to plan A of making up a speech as she went along, but Arizona was far too stubborn to allow her disability to win out over her determination.

With only minutes left before Callie came home, the kitchen looked like a war zone – flour everywhere; a broken egg that had rolled onto the floor; pieces of squashed cookie dough that ended up in all kinds of bizarre places, some of which stuck to the bottom of her crutch. Every time she tried to clean up after herself she only made it worse – her limbs merely scattered more ingredients than she was managing to mop up.

By the time she heard a key turn in the front door, the determination she had been putting forth all evening evaporated, only to be replaced with sheer panic.

Callie was going to _kill_ her.

***

Callie eventually hit a brick wall in her aimless wandering around the neighbourhood. It had started raining and while spending her evening sulking in it seemed fitting for the occasion, she was too tired to keep putting one foot in front of the other. It was with great apprehension that she finally headed home.

No matter how many times she went over it in her head, she couldn’t figure out how she had missed it. Aaron was a healthy young kid with no known history of heart problems. He had been brought in due to injuries sustained in a car accident, not physical exertion out on the field. She knew that most patients with his genetic condition went undiagnosed until they collapsed from a massive heart attack. In his case, the stress of surgery on his body had provided the same trigger. No one could have known, and yet none of that made her feel any better about letting an eight year old die on her table.

Suddenly she was starting to wonder why she had pushed Arizona back into pediatrics in the first place – if this was what she had dealt with on a daily basis, then no wonder the blonde wanted nothing to do with it.

All Callie wanted to do when she got back was strip out of her clothes and collapse into bed. She couldn’t deal with anything else tonight; least of all arguing with her girlfriend over their communication issues. The idea of sweeping their problems under the carpet only made her feel worse. Either way she felt like she was screwed.

As soon as her key unlatched the lock, Callie paused and closed her eyes, steadying herself for some sort of interaction. She didn’t want Arizona to see her this miserable and start worrying. Her girlfriend had bigger issues to deal with right now – chronic pain, endless nightmares, overwhelming stress of what reinventing her life would mean. Hell, she had even dealt with the deaths of probably dozens of peds patients in the past. Callie’s bad day didn’t really compare to any of that.

Cracking her neck to the side to relieve some of the tension, she pushed the door open and quietly closed up behind her. Sounds coming from the kitchen crushed any hopes of escaping to her bedroom unnoticed so she could clean up before Arizona saw her.

“Arizona?” Callie called out, hearing the noise stop. “That you?” Dropping her bag to the floor, she rounded the corner and immediately froze.

Arizona knew she looked guilty. Knew it. There was no hiding the panic-stricken look on her face even if she was the world’s best actor. She quickly whirled around to stare at the absolute disaster of a kitchen she was standing in, grimaced, and turned back to Callie. She took a step forward but banged her crutch into a mixing bowl that had just fallen to the floor moments before, sending it rolling across the tile.

Callie didn’t quite know what to say or do, so she just stood there unblinking, taking in the warzone that was her house. The bowl came to a stop by her toes.

“Uh, s-surprise!” Arizona blurted out, dropping the towel she’d been using to try and wipe the counter. She gestured to the stove where three racks of giant, freshly baked cookies lay uniformly spread out. They were about the only thing in the kitchen that didn’t look as though a bomb had demolished them. Even Arizona had flour and the occasional chunk of batter and egg stuck to her shirt, as well as in a strand or two in her hair.

Yep. Murder. She was going to be throttled and thrown down the garbage chute.

“I made cookies,” Arizona said dumbly, wobbling on her crutches as she stared at Callie with wide, fearful eyes. “Which I thought would be sexy, o-or something. But then I made a mess and every time I tried to fix it, it got worse, so then I ate a whole bunch of cookies. Which, not so sexy.”

Callie’s mouth opened but no sound came out. Arizona looked like a six year old that had just been caught drawing on the walls with finger paint. Of all the situations she had expected to come home to, this was not one of them.

“They’re really good,” Arizona added as an afterthought, as though that would make the nuclear explosion worth it somehow.

Callie arched a dumbfounded eyebrow, staring around the kitchen. She was still having trouble putting together a coherent thought – moments ago she had been miserable and dreading coming home, and now…this. Arizona looked scared to death and was covered in so much crap that Callie could hardly believe this was the same woman she had met a few months ago.

The tiniest of smiles broke through the tension and Callie refocused on her girlfriend, standing there with those irresistible blue eyes while covered in flour and egg yolk, even smearing a patch of cookie dough across one cheek as she pushed an errant strand of hair away from her face. All Callie could think was how utterly beautiful Arizona looked – she had never been more perfect than she was right now.

Callie crossed the distance between them as Arizona gulped nervously and twitched backward, as though she were about to run away. Instead of speaking, Callie reached up and tangled her fingers into unruly blonde curls, pulling her into a hard, sound kiss.

Arizona was surprised there wasn’t any yelling, or exasperation, or at the very least the shaking of an angry fist. Callie’s reaction caught her off guard but it only took her a moment before she reacted to the kiss and leaned into it, closing her eyes. Neither of them paid any attention to the fact that she was covered in food, and Arizona reached up to grip the lapels of Callie’s jacket to keep her close. This was a much more favourable outcome than being kicked to the curb, that was for sure.

Callie waited until Arizona stopped poising herself to flee before she pulled away. A disbelieving grin spread across her face as she surveyed what was left of her kitchen – pans, bowls, spatulas and random mixing utensils were everywhere and pretty much every surface had powdery finger prints all over it. If she didn’t know better, she would have thought that a bunch of kids and their dog had been playing in flour and gook all day.

And yet in the midst of Hurricane Arizona’s aftermath, the most perfectly round and delicious looking cookies she had ever seen sat on top of the stove, pristine and untouched, as though they were ready for a photoshoot in a catalogue.

Callie couldn’t help it. She cracked up.

Arizona pouted as her girlfriend started laughing. “Yeah, I know, I’m sorry,” she sighed sheepishly.

How in the world had an _adult_ made this kind of mess? The look Arizona was giving Callie made her laugh that much harder, her fists curling around the blonde’s shirt to keep her balanced as she doubled over. Tears started to well up in her eyes and she could hardly breathe.

Arizona was wondering if Callie had lost her mind or if this was just a prelude to some sort of homicidal tendency. “I was gonna clean it up,” she mumbled in embarrassment.

Callie tried to speak through her case of the giggles. “Arizona, how did you manage – have you _seen_ yourself in a mirror?” She tugged on the blonde's shirt. “You’re a trauma surgeon; you go in and fix messes that no one else could fix inside the human body. How in the _hell_ did you manage this kind of carnage and still come out with flawless cookies?”

Arizona glanced around, looking helplessly defeated. All she could do was whimper in response. “I was trying to make you happy?”

“Oh, sweetie.” Callie grinned and pulled her into another soft kiss, brushing a hand along her flour-caked cheek. “You have no idea.”

Arizona assumed that Callie was being sarcastic and rushed to explain. “I wanted you to know that I’m sorry, and that I’m gonna work at being better. Better for you, better for me, a-and that I’m trying to sort my life out, even if I have trouble telling up from down sometimes,” she stuttered. “I thought cookies were a good way to show you that I mean it, but then I turned into an octopus with eight limbs despite only having three and a half a-and it—they’re _really_ good!”

Flustered, she suddenly yanked Callie over to the stove and grabbed one of the warm treats. When the brunette opened her mouth to speak, Arizona abruptly shoved the cookie inside. They both dissolved into a fit of laughter as Callie just about choked, while the other half crumbled to join the growing mess already on the floor.

Callie was nearly crying as they both collapsed sideways into the counter, clutching one another for support. Arizona dropped her head onto Callie’s shoulder and tried to apologize profusely while gasping for air. She got the hiccups as a result and it only served to make them laugh harder.

Eventually Callie was able to move without fainting and she grabbed a couple of fresh towels from the linen closet. It took them over half an hour to scrub the kitchen from top to bottom, give or take an extra ten minutes every time Arizona tripped over her crutches and smeared something else. Callie ended up sending her to the bathroom to wash up, pointing out that they were never going to get anywhere if she kept making things messier. She said this with a smile on her face and Arizona sheepishly agreed, hobbling off to make herself presentable again.

When she was by herself, Callie finished the kitchen and scarfed down a few of the wonderful cookies while they were still warm. Arizona hadn’t been lying; they tasted fantastic and were literally untouched by the rest of the mess. By the time she sank down onto the couch, some of her euphoria was beginning to fade. She felt the events of her day start to filter in around the edges.

About twenty minutes later, Arizona emerged from the bathroom, showered and changed into fresh pajamas. “Crisis officially over. I’m not longer fit to bake in an oven.”

Callie smiled tiredly as the blonde flopped down next to her, ditching her crutches on the floor. “You’re ridiculous,” she chuckled, reaching over to tuck a strand of hair behind Arizona’s ear. “Thank you.”

“For destroying your kitchen?” Arizona quirked a brow. “Any time, I guess?”

“For making my crappy day less crappy,” Callie sighed, dropping her head back against the cushions and closing her eyes. “I’m exhausted.” Her voice cracked unexpectedly and she had to swallow hard to keep some amount of control.

Arizona frowned and immediately moved closer. “What’s wrong?” she asked, settling a warm hand on Callie’s thigh. “Teddy said you had a bad day."

Callie released a shaky breath. “Nothing. Emotionally draining, I guess.” She hesitated. “I was worried about coming home and fighting again.”

Arizona felt a wave of guilt wash over her. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—”

“No, I didn’t mean it was your fault,” Callie corrected, turning her head and peeking one eye open. “I just hate it when we fight, and then things with a patient got complicated and now all I really want to do is forget about the whole damn thing and take a nap.”

“That sounds like a marvellous idea,” Arizona agreed, feeling pretty tired herself. She dropped a kiss to Callie’s shoulder and curled up against her side. “Do you want to talk about it? Your patient?”

Callie hesitated. “I can’t,” she said weakly. “You shouldn’t have to deal with this stuff, too. You’ve got enough on your mind these days.”

Arizona fixed the brunette with a hard stare, frowning. “Hey. Look at me.” She ducked her head until Callie met her gaze. “I know I’m not exactly the poster girl for communication and stability these days, but being in a relationship means you get to have bad days too, Calliope. Things need to be equal between us.”

“I’m fine, really,” Callie argued, mustering up what she could for a smile. “You don’t need to worry.”

Arizona shook her head. “Never gonna happen."

Callie knew she was being a hypocrite if she held back, especially after how much she had been pushing Arizona to open up lately, but the last thing she wanted to do was affect Arizona’s happy mood. She so rarely laughed like they had in the kitchen that Callie couldn’t stand to put such a damper on things.

“I’m not fragile,” Arizona added gently, tracing Callie’s jawline with her fingertips. “You don’t have to keep protecting me. Now tell me what happened, otherwise I'll try and bake again.”

Callie cracked a smile at that one. Arizona was gazing at her so intensely that it was all she could do to hold it together and not curl into a ball on her lap. “There was this patient. A kid. I was fixing his shoulder and then he…he had an undiagnosed heart defect. Teddy tried to save him but he died on my table. I had to tell his mom that a routine shoulder surgery killed him.”

“You didn’t kill him,” Arizona corrected, “his condition did.”

“He was only eight.” Callie swallowed thickly. “I told him he’d be back on the lacrosse field by the end of the season. Now he’s in the morgue and his mom can’t pick herself up off the floor.” She closed her eyes and shook her head. “I just, I-I can’t be sane and put together tonight like I wanted to be, so we could talk.”

“It’s okay,” Arizona said softly.

“No, it’s not,” Callie argued, feeling a surge of frustration. “I wasn’t enough for him, and sometimes I don’t think I’ll ever be enough for you. I’m supposed to be the one you can lean on right now, and then I go and lose a patient and I’m a blubbering mess, a-and I can’t handle—“

“Callie.” Arizona silenced her with a kiss. “You didn’t let him die, and you have _never_ let me down. It’s okay to have a bad day and feel like this. That’s what I’m here for, remember?”

“I feel pathetic,” Callie mumbled, snatching a tissue from her jacket pocket and dabbing at her eyes. “I’m just so tired, Arizona. Crying isn’t helpful or romantic o-or any of the things I wanted to be tonight.”

“Then let me help,” Arizona said, smiling for Callie’s sake. “Cry and be angry and be sad. Let me take care of you for once; god knows you’ve been taking care of me since the day we met.”

Callie felt herself crumble and she burrowed into Arizona, finally allowing the blonde to gather her in her arms and hold her close. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“Lose me?” Arizona asked, confused.

“You can’t keep pulling away like this,” Callie choked out, a few tears trickling down her cheeks. “I can’t keep sitting back while you shut me out. But I won’t lose you, I can't.”

Arizona’s heart broke as she felt her girlfriend's tears soak through her shirt. It killed her that Callie still felt like she needed to protect her when she was in pain, like she had to be the strong one for fear of Arizona leaving her otherwise. Callie made her feel normal again for the first time in years and all she wanted was to give her that same sense of security. Fine job she had done so far.

“You won’t lose me, okay?” Arizona cradled Callie’s face between her hands. “Never. Least of all for needing comfort.”

Callie sniffled and buried her face into Arizona’s neck, feeling another shudder run through her. “How did you do it?” she murmured. “All those years in your residency and then the fellowship. They’re just…they’re _babies_. Kids. It’s not fair.”

Arizona ignored the pain in her knee and slid herself across Callie’s lap, feeling the brunette’s arms circle her waist and wrapping her own around Callie’s strong shoulders. She continued to trail her fingers soothingly through the dark hair she was so crazy about. “No matter how long you’ve been in the game, no matter how tough you think you are, it’s humanly impossible not to feel it when we lose a child.” She took in a shallow breath, trying to sort her thoughts out on the issue. She could still feel Callie trying to get her breathing under control, so she kept talking.

“You’ll feel like it’s your fault, like you missed something, like it shouldn’t have happened and that you could’ve done something differently. But I know you and I know what kind of surgeon you are, Calliope. You care like crazy and I love that about you. You did everything you could to save that child’s life and there is nothing else you could have done.”

“How do you know?” Callie mumbled into her shoulder.

Arizona smiled against the top of her head. “Because you fought like hell to save my leg and you did it. Not many people would have done what you did for me.” She closed her eyes and released a sigh. “You didn’t fail him, Callie. You did everything in your power because that’s who you are. You don’t know how to operate any differently.”

Callie exhaled against Arizona’s neck, holding tighter around her waist. “He was just a kid. It’s not fair.”

“We can’t save them all,” Arizona continued. “It’s painful, and you’ll see the tiny coffins in your sleep every time it happens, but you have to keep pushing forward. To the next kid, the one you _can_ save, because those almost make up for the ones you can’t.”

She ducked her head down and dropped a butterfly kiss to Callie’s ear. “You’re the strongest person I've ever met. Crying after a day like today doesn’t change that. You didn’t fail anyone; not him, not me, least of all yourself. You’re allowed to be sad.”

There was physically nothing more that Callie could do. Two full nights of almost no sleep coupled with the loss of her patient had drained her energy reserves completely. “I need to sleep,” she repeated, though she wasn’t willing to let go of Arizona just yet.

Arizona gently maneuvered them down against the couch, keeping her arms around Callie as they settled into a more comfortable position. “It’s okay, sweetie. Just rest. Close your eyes." She reached up to tug the throw blanket down on top of them.

Callie was too tired to even take her jacket off. She just buried her face into Arizona’s chest and held her closely, taking comfort in the warmth and compassion the blonde was radiating. She didn’t care about being hungry or how little space the couch provided compared to her bed; she only cared about falling asleep while she was in the safety of her partner’s arms. Alone in her own bed didn’t come close to how much better she felt right here.

Arizona stroked Callie’s back until she drifted to sleep, only then allowing herself to close her eyes and follow suit. They still needed to talk and would sort things out come morning, but somehow she was feeling much more at ease than she had only an hour before. They would get through this just like they had got through everything else thrown at them so far, she was sure of it.


	8. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Okay, so in an ideal world this fic would be 10-15 chapters ahead of where I’m at now and I wouldn’t have this issue of some incidents crossing over with canon. But because life has given me little time to write in the last year or so, that’s not the case. All I will say is this – Part Two was written in rough form two years ago. While I’m re-writing each chapter from scratch to tweak a few things and get some more scenes in to make the quality better, the plot has been finalized for two years. While Part 3 and 4 haven’t been written, they are also plotted out in full and I don’t plan to deviate because this story has a specific journey and a definitive end. Already I can see some similarities with Arizona’s storyline in canon now about to overlap, and I just want to say that whatever happens in the show, I am not copying it here intentionally. (But I am bitter that Shonda has better time management than me and will most likely get her shit out before I will. Boo.) At the time this story was 100% original and I can only hope it will stay that way to some extent as canon progresses. I’m still sticking to my plans regardless of what does or doesn’t happen in Grey’s Anatomy.

_May 20th, 2009_

 

Callie woke up the next morning underneath a mountain of blankets, hanging halfway over the edge of her bed with a puddle of drool soaking into her pillow. The matte of hair stuck to her face left her disoriented and in the dark until the cogs started to turn in her brain. 

She fished her way out and emerged with a fresh gulp of air, giving a low, tired groan of disapproval. Callie did not do mornings unless there was an exciting surgery waiting for her on the other side. She wasn’t due into work until the night shift and nine a.m. on a Wednesday was way too early for her taste.

She fluffed her pillows and rolled over, sprawling on her back and wiping the hair away from her eyes. Everything was a blur for a good thirty seconds before the cobwebs began to clear. She remembered losing her patient and then coming home to find Arizona making a mess in the kitchen, but that was about it. The image of sheer panic in Arizona's eyes when she had arrived brought a smile to her face, although it was short-lived when she remembered her meltdown on the couch afterward.

Groaning again, Callie pulled one of the pillows out from under her head and smothered herself with it, trying to snuff out the embarrassment. At least she felt better after a good night's sleep. While sadness still filled her heart at the thought of the boy, it no longer consumed her like it had before. Arizona had the uncanny ability to make her feel better just by being there.

Shifting around in an attempt to untangle herself from the cocoon in which she was trapped, Callie suddenly came to an entirely different realization. Lifting the sheets, she squinted down at herself.

Yep. Those were her boobs, all right.

She glanced to her left and scrutinized the far side of the mattress, even more curious about the previous night's sleeping arrangements now. The sheets were ruffled but that was no sure indication that another body had occupied the space in recent hours. She moved a hand beneath the covers and was disappointed to find the other side nearly room temperature. She vaguely remembered waking up on the couch and stumbling to her room, half asleep on her feet before collapsing into bed. The part she couldn’t recall was whether or not Arizona had joined her. Sex wasn't the issue here; Callie would never forget a thing like that, but it definitely made things more interesting if Arizona had been there when she stripped down to her usual sleeping attire.

Noise at her bedroom door diverted her attention back to the present. It sounded as though someone had walked right into it. A rattling doorknob made her sit up in bed. "Hello?"

Arizona's frustrated voice carried through. "Hang on. Gimme a sec.” There was more shuffling, then the door burst open and she just about fell through it, juggling a plate in one hand and a glass in the other, a single crutch jammed underneath her right arm. It didn’t look like the easiest way to get around.

Callie quirked an eyebrow and stopped short of jumping out of bed to help – she was mostly naked, after all. "Uh, hi. Need a hand?"

"Nope," Arizona said sheepishly, slowly shuffling her way towards Callie's bed, her movements vaguely Frankenstein-esque. "You got a tray in here?"

It took Callie a moment to locate the laptop rest she kept wedged between her nightstand and the bed frame. "What is all this?" she asked, pulling it out while keeping one hand clutching the bottom sheet to her chest.

"Breakfast," Arizona stated cheerfully, setting everything down. "I figured a hard night at work deserves bacon the next morning. I know how much you love bacon."

"I really do," Callie sighed happily, wiggling her fingers before she snatched a piece and gulped it down. "You didn't have to make me breakfast, though. I could've helped."

"Then I wouldn't be able to use it as an emotional bribe," Arizona mused as she plunked herself down next to Callie's legs. "These are 'I'm sorry' eggs and, my personal favourite, 'don't hate me' bacon."

Callie's stomach was suddenly raging with emptiness so she snagged a forkful of scrambled eggs, closing her eyes and moaning appreciatively at the explosion of flavour. "Not that I'm gonna turn them down, but you really didn't need to do this, Arizona. It's okay."

"No, it's really not," the blonde sighed. "I yelled like a jerk, we didn't talk for two days and then I destroyed your kitchen when you’d had a crappy day at work. I think that officially qualifies me for the 'Worst Girlfriend Ever' Olympics."

"Not even close," Callie countered, pointing the fork prongs in Arizona’s direction as emphasis. "You're still here, and trust me, that puts you miles ahead of everyone else." As she was saying it, she realized that Teddy's words from before rang true – Arizona _was_ still here, despite the emotional distance she tried to put between herself and everyone else, and that counted for something. Callie knew she was doing the best she could given the circumstances and she didn't want to punish her for trying.

A moment of contemplative silence passed between them as they both picked apart Callie's breakfast. "I really am sorry I freaked on you," Arizona finally spoke. "It's just…I can really only handle one day at a time right now. Thinking about everything else, about the future, work, my life, it's too much. All I can do is worry about my leg and focus on getting strong again. I'm sorry."

Callie took in the downcast eyes and the worry lines creasing her girlfriend's forehead, and reached out her non-food occupied hand to trace her fingertips along Arizona's temple. "Hey, it's okay. I get it. I mean, I don't some days, but I can understand that you need time. I'm sorry for pushing you when you weren't ready. I’ll still be here when you are.”

Arizona looked up and met Callie's eyes, recognizing the tenderness reflected in them as sincere, and managed to relax a little. "Thank you," she said quietly, relieved to feel some of the pressure lifted from her shoulders.

She dropped her gaze an inch and flushed red in the cheeks. "Um…"

Callie furrowed her brow and followed Arizona's line of sight. "Oh." She smirked and hiked the sheet back up over her breasts, knowing full well that Arizona had inadvertently caught an eyeful. "Sorry."

Something in the blonde's return grin spoke of mischief. "It's okay. Nothing I haven't seen before.”

Callie narrowed her eyes. "Hm. Is that an admission of guilt?"

"Guilt?"

"You totally broke the rules and slept in my bed last night, didn't you?"

Arizona's smile only grew. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

Now Callie was even more suspicious. "No, you didn't.” She paused. “Did you? You did. I know you did." Another beat passed. "Just tell me."

Arizona plucked the last strip of bacon from the plate, popped it in her mouth and wiggled to her feet. "Get dressed, Torres. I want to take you out for coffee."

"Arizona–"

"Get dressed!" Without another word, Arizona and her crutch disappeared into the hallway.

"Just tell me!" Callie called out futilely, groaning and collapsing against her pillows as the door swung shut behind her.

***

_May 28, 2009_

 

“Did you pack everything you need?”

“Yeah, I’m good.”

“Underwear? Socks? Remember that one time we took a road trip to Portland and you forgot your pants?” Callie’s voice was muffled from where she was pressed into Mark’s shoulder. “I think in New York they arrest you for not wearing pants.”

“I’m fine, _mom_ , really.”

Callie wrinkled her nose and leaned back to glare at him. “Ew. Don’t call me that.”

Rolling his eyes, Mark yanked her back into the hug. “Gonna miss you, Torres.”

Callie closed her eyes and sighed. “Me too. Call every day and don’t do anything I wouldn’t d— er, don’t do anything stupid.”

“Don’t you mean ‘don’t do any _one_ you wouldn’t do’?” Mark questioned.

Callie laughed and smacked him in the gut. “Shut up. Perv.”

From the couch in the living room, Arizona idly munched on some popcorn with her bad leg propped up on the coffee table, watching the exchange with reservation. Teddy sat to her left, more focused on the TV in front of them, but well aware of the side-eye that Arizona kept throwing over top of her at the other two.

“Robbins. Altman.” Mark waved as he picked up the duffel bag by his feet. “Take good care of our girl, huh?”

Arizona grunted in return, nodding back at him with a weak smile. “Yep. Good luck in New York.”

“I’m gonna make sure he doesn’t get lost on his way to the cab,” Callie called out, shooting a grin over her shoulder at the couch potatoes before following Mark downstairs.

“Relax,” Teddy admonished, nudging Arizona in the ribs when the door closed behind them. “She’s allowed to have boy friends. Two words, friendly meaning.”

“Friend type boys that sleep with anyone that moves, including her?” Arizona earned herself another elbow. “I know, I know. I just don’t know the guy that well. Callie kind of went out of her way to _not_ get us in the same room together. It just feels a little weird.”

“Trust me, from what I know about Mark, that’s probably her way of making sure you don’t karate chop him in the neck.” Teddy grabbed the bowl of popcorn from Arizona’s lap and tossed a few kernels into her mouth. “They’re just friends. Like you and Nick.”

“I never slept with Nick.”

Teddy cocked a surprised brow. “Never? Really?”

Arizona stared at her like she was crazy. “That surprises you? Hello, gay since…forever, remember? Plus, I met the guy when I was like five.”

“Yeah, but… _never_ -never?” Teddy pried. “As in…not once?”

“Ew,” Arizona grimaced, snatching the popcorn back. “That’s gross. A big _no_ to that.”

“Huh.” Teddy shrugged. “I always figured you two did it in high school before you came out or something. He _is_ really hot.”

Arizona looked disturbed. “That would be like sleeping with my broth– ew. Nope. No. Not going there.”

“Hate to break it to you, Robbins, but I don’t think that guy views you as his ‘sister’,” Teddy smirked. “But Mark and Callie, it’s never going to happen. They’re just friends.”

“With benefits,” Arizona pointed out, jabbing a buttery finger in Teddy’s direction.

“Which is ancient history. C’mon, are you really going to sit here and tell me that you’re worried about Callie cheating on you with Sloan? Even if he was staying in town?”

Arizona made a face and shrugged it off, staring back at the TV. “Okay, okay. I get it. I’m being petty and ridiculous. I’m glad Callie’s got a really good friend, and it sucks that she’s going to be all sad about him leaving. I’m not totally heartless, you know.”

Teddy kicked her feet up on the table next to Arizona’s. “You just think boys are gross.”

Arizona tossed a handful of popcorn at Teddy’s face. “Grow up.”

The door opened and Callie slipped back inside. “Sorry. He’s headed for the airport now. Did I miss anything?” She checked the score of the football game as she climbed over both sets of legs and collapsed on Arizona’s other side.

“You okay?” Arizona asked, studying her girlfriend curiously.

Callie slid further down the cushion and dropped her head back. “Yeah, he’s just…we’ve been through a lot together this last year. It sucks he had to leave on such short notice.” She picked idly at a loose fingernail, looking solemn.

Arizona smiled sympathetically, taking Callie’s hand and lifting it to press a kiss against the back of her knuckles. “I promise to keep you company until he gets back.”

Despite her sadness, Callie ended up smiling. “Okay. I’m gonna hold you to that.”

“Offer valid for a contract extension, pending your approval,” Arizona chuckled, snuggling against Callie and letting the brunette rest her cheek on her shoulder.

Teddy glanced over at the two of them as Callie turned the sound back up on the TV. She took in the ease of their relaxation, the way Arizona continued to absently play with Callie’s fingers between her own as Callie’s opposite hand crossed her body and drew small circles along the top of Arizona’s thigh.

Peaceful; that was the first word that came to mind. Arizona looked really peaceful.

Smiling to herself, Teddy returned her focus to the television just as the Miami Dolphins scored a touchdown. Callie let out a loud whoop of victory while Arizona groaned and closed her eyes.

***

Arizona woke with a start, the darkness of the room pressing in on her like a vice grip, suffocating the air from her lungs. Her arm shot out in a half-coherent attempt to reach the bedside lamp, sending it crashing to the floor instead.

The sheets twisted around her legs like a snake, making her struggle harder until she toppled out of bed completely. She hit the floor shoulder-first with a hard ‘thud’, the pain jarring her senses back to reality. She scrambled for the lamp, finding the switch and illuminating the darkness, allowing it to pierce through the mirage of nightmarish visions still plaguing her mind. Her right leg gave a sharp throb of disapproval.

The lamp lay on its side, the cord remaining anchored to the wall. A glass of water had landed, spilled, and rolled to the foot of her dresser. Arizona grabbed the lamp and set it upright on the floor.

That was when she noticed the blood.

It wasn’t real; that was what she tried to tell herself as she recoiled back up against the bed, turning her hand over and finding more. It didn’t make any sense because she couldn’t see a body anywhere in the room, so there couldn’t possibly be this much blood. She blinked her eyes repeatedly, each time squeezing them shut as hard as she physically could, causing light bursts behind their lids. Still the blood remained, caking to her skin as she sat there and trembled.

Something ran down her lip and Arizona’s hand shot up to her face. A nosebleed – that was all it was. It wasn’t someone else’s blood. It was just a stupid nosebleed.

One look down at herself and Arizona had to swallow thickly. A red stain had spread across the front of her shirt and both her right hand and forearm had rivers of the dried substance running down to her fingertips. She reached for the tissue box on the bedside table before returning to her position huddled on the floor with her back safely up against the bed frame, lifting a wad of tissues to stem the flow.

Arizona sat there for almost twenty minutes, waiting for her body to stop shaking as the nosebleed clotted and slowed. Between the sweat and the blood she felt disgusting, but if she got in the shower at three in the morning it would undoubtedly wake Callie up and cause her to ask questions.

When she was finally able to move again, she peeked over top of the mattress, finding her pillowcase with another red puddle soaking through and a few droplets on the grey sheets. They, too, would cause some questions if anyone saw them.

Arizona stripped the bed and stuffed the dirty sheets in the back of her closet, then struggled to put on a fresh set while hobbling around on one leg. After, she snuck out into the hall, leaning all of her weight into one crutch, and made her way to the bathroom. She kept the sink to a minimum pressure, just enough to rinse off her skin without waking up her girlfriend. As she scrubbed her arms and face, she avoided looking at herself directly in the mirror, having no desire to make eye contract with the ghost she knew she would find staring back.

Once back in the safety of her room, Arizona changed her clothes and set the lamp back on the bedside table. She crawled underneath the sheets, fighting against the sensation that something was behind her. She ended up sitting with her back against the headboard just so she could see her surroundings, not up for a night of more surprises. It was nearly light outside by the time she could no longer hold her eyes open, though her hyperawareness made it impossible to fall into more than a light doze.

It happened three times that week; nightmares so vivid that they woke her up out of a dead sleep. They were only accompanied by a nosebleed twice, although she must have woken up sooner the second time because there was less evidence to clean up. Stress and allergies, she reasoned. She made sure she went to sleep after Callie every night, late enough that any occurrences were less likely to catch her attention.

Three times in seven days was significantly better than six, which was what she kept telling herself every time she woke up in a cold sweat. Although the intensity of the nightmares had changed, three was less than six. That had to mean something was finally beginning to change.

***

_June 6th, 2009_

 

“You know it’s been a month since we’ve been out on an actual date?”

Arizona looked up from her magazine, peering at Callie across the couch as she munched on an apple. They sat on opposite sides, Callie’s fingers massaging the kinks out of her aching calf muscles. “Hm?”

“A whole month,” Callie repeated, frowning at the thought. “I think we’ve fallen into the ‘we’re living together’ trap, where we don’t actually go anywhere or do anything because we always see each other at home.”

“We’ve gone for coffee. And for lunch a few times,” Arizona pointed out. “Those don’t count?”

“I mean like a ‘date’ date,” Callie clarified. “Where it’s planned in advance and there’s fancy clothing and dinner and wooing involved, not pyjamas and take-out and movies on our couch. We’ve only been seeing each other for five weeks; going out is what couples at our stage are supposed to do.”

Arizona shrugged. “We’ve been busy. You’re working, I’ve been going to physical therapy. We’ve known each other for way longer than five weeks, anyway. Even if there wasn’t any smooching involved, I still liked to think you eating lunch in my room every day counted as wooing in some capacity.”

Callie smirked at the cheeky grin Arizona shot her way. Since Mark had left the previous week, she had been stuck at work and hadn’t had a lot of time to devote to romance or shared meals. Arizona was amazing and never gave her a hard time about it. Callie was grateful to be with someone that understood the demands of the job, but that didn’t mean she didn’t want more time to themselves.

Glancing up from where she was working on Arizona’s kneecap, Callie eyed the piece of fruit balanced in the blonde’s hand. “You’ve been on a real health kick lately. I thought you were still waiting for a call back from the nutritionist Bailey recommended.”

Arizona grimaced at the stiffness in her knee as Callie moved it around to loosen it up. “Yeah, well, I figured there’s no harm in getting a head start. Ow, by the way.”

Callie didn’t have to see Arizona naked to know that she could still use a few extra pounds on her frame, so she was surprised when her girlfriend had announced that she planned on adding a nutritionist to the list of people she was working with. “This doesn’t have anything to do with you wanting your rehab to go faster, does it?”

Arizona looked guilty and focused back on the magazine, staring right through the page. “No. I mean, yeah, a little.” She looked sheepish. “I thought by now I’d be…y’know…” 

“Closer to walking?” Callie asked lightly.

Arizona sighed in frustration. “Sort of,” she admitted. “I mean, I _am_ getting stronger, but it’s not enough. I can’t balance weight on both legs without this one giving out on me or seizing up. There’s something I’m still lacking, whether it’s coordination or strength or…I don’t know. I thought I’d be further ahead by now.”

Callie smiled sympathetically and gently squeezed Arizona’s calf. “Sweetie, remember what I told you after you had surgery. You need to be patient. There was a lot of damage; it’s not something you can recover from overnight.”

“It’s been three months, Calliope,” Arizona argued. “Three months since I last had surgery.”

“Two and a half,” Callie corrected, “and the timeline doesn’t mean anything. If you work yourself harder than your physical therapist is telling you to, you could do more harm than good. And you have to admit that you’ve been overdoing it lately. You’ve been sent home three times because it’s been too inflamed to work out.”

Arizona tossed the magazine and half-eaten apple onto the coffee table and ran her fingers through her hair. “I feel like I’m _under_ doing it,” she replied. “It shouldn’t hurt so much after pushing resistance weights for weeks. What if I’m stuck at this point? What if I-I never progress any further? What if I never walk on my own again? I can’t just flail around on crutches for the rest of my life—”

Callie closed both hands around the back of Arizona’s thighs and suddenly pulled her down from the mountain of pillows she was relaxing against. She twisted herself around and climbed on top of Arizona, resting her elbows on either side of the blonde’s head and effectively pinning her on her back. She arched a stern eyebrow down at her captive. “Okay, you need to stop, because you’re just gonna freak yourself out and then I’m going to have to watch you pace around the apartment in a panic for the rest of the day. And I don’t want to do that, because it’s only ten in the morning and we have a lot of free time on our hands where we could be doing other, more productive things.”

Arizona pouted, tugging on the front of her girlfriend’s shirt. “Callie, I’m serious. If I haven’t been able to hold myself up yet then I might as well give up tryin–”

Callie clamped a hand over Arizona’s mouth, earning herself a squinty-eyed glare. “Shh, you’re stressing. You’re not supposed to stress; doctor’s orders.”

Arizona mumbled something unintelligible into Callie’s hand, waiting until it was removed before repeating herself. “Convenient, since my girlfriend also happens to be my doctor.”

“Then you’d better listen to her.” Callie smirked and cut off Arizona’s retort with a kiss. “Shut up. You’re going to be _fine_ , and when you and I run that marathon together next year, you’ll be laughing. Trust me; I’m always right.”

“Oh you are, are you?”

“Yep. Get used to it.” Callie stole another kiss before rolling off of Arizona and staggering to her feet. “Now come on. Put some pants on and let’s go out on a real date.”

Arizona glanced down at herself and wrinkled her nose. “But I’m comfy,” she whined.

Callie rolled her eyes and reached out to snag Arizona by the hand, hauling her roughly to her feet and catching her balance with an arm around her waist. “Nope, not today. Today we will be productive members of society, not couch potatoes that refuse to get out of our sweatpants.”

“Hm.” Arizona hooked a finger in the collar of Callie’s t-shirt, giving it a small tug. “How about we compromise? No fancy clothing, just jeans. We can go somewhere simple where we don’t have to dress up.”

Callie hummed. “Damn. I was kind of hoping to finally see you in a dress.”

Arizona’s cheeks turned pink and she bit her bottom lip. “Not yet,” she said shyly. “But sometime, I promise.” She still didn’t feel comfortable wearing things that exposed her legs when they were out in public.

Callie smiled knowingly and planted another kiss square on her lips. “Mm, deal. You look _great_ in jeans.” She kept one arm around Arizona’s waist until they had her situated on the crutches again. She wasn’t going to back down from this; it didn’t take a high IQ score for her to notice that Arizona had been a little jittery all week. She didn’t know what the cause was but she would be damned if she let her stay home and hide.

“Where are we going?” Arizona asked, following Callie down the back hall and pausing outside of their respective bedrooms.

Callie gave Arizona a funny look. “I don’t know. It’s your turn, remember?”

“My turn?” Arizona’s eyes widened significantly and she pointed at herself, just to make sure she heard right.

Callie shrugged, pausing over the threshold of her bedroom. “Yeah. I planned the last round, this one’s all on you.” She smiled sweetly and sauntered inside, closing the door.

Arizona stood in the hallway alone. Where the hell was she supposed to take Callie on a date? The most exotic place she’d been was a grocery mart six blocks away, and going to Target in the suburbs hardly counted as a date.

Shuffling inside her room, she made an immediately beeline for the laptop she had purchased last week and began Googling fun locations to visit around the city. Something was bound to catch her eye sooner or later. She wasn’t about to be shown up in the dating department – she was a Robbins, after all. The Robbins’ knew how to treat a lady.

***

“I figure we can walk around the marketplace, take in some of the shops – y’know, the geeky touristy stuff I never got to do when I moved here.” Arizona ran her finger down a list of notes she had made earlier as Callie drove towards the Seattle waterfront. “Then I’ve made dinner plans on top of the Space Needle, because it’s the only fancy restaurant that I know of, and the only food we’ve eaten together so far is take-out. I don’t really know what you like beyond mu shu pork.”

“I like French food, for the record,” Callie said. “But Sky City sounds perfect.”

Arizona looked over and smiled. “Good to know.” She returned her eyes to the list. “And then, if we’re not too tipsy from the _very_ expensive wine we’re going to be drinking at dinner, I thought maybe we could walk around downtown for a while. Live the Saturday nightlife, whatever else the cool kids are doing these days. Y’know, if my leg hasn’t fallen off yet and my arms haven’t gone numb. There’s even a movie theatre nearby where we could take in a show if there’s anything good playing. I wrote down some of the start times.”

Callie glanced at the piece of paper in Arizona’s hands, making sure to watch the road in between quick scans of the scribbled handwriting. “Wow. You really are in the military, aren’t you?” When Arizona looked confused, Callie laughed. “You basically built us an itinerary, right down to estimated time of arrival. I’m never that organized.”

Arizona frowned at the page and looked slightly embarrassed. “That’s less from my time with the Marines and more from growing up with my dad. He’s a stickler for keeping a strict schedule.” She folded it up and tucked it inside her jacket pocket. “Sorry.”

Callie grinned as she pulled into the parking lot and drove closer to the pier until they found a handicap space up front. Arizona fished the parking pass out of her purse and flashed Callie a crooked grin as she stuck it on the rear view mirror. “See? It pays to date a cripple. VIP parking.”

“Okay, that’s _horrible_ ,” Callie chastised, jumping out of the car and walking around to open the blonde’s door. “Seriously, stop saying stuff like that. You are not crippled. Although you will be if you keep letting negative thoughts like that run through your head.”

Arizona sighed dramatically and slipped out of the car with a hand from Callie, waiting until her girlfriend grabbed the crutches from the back before speaking. “Sorry. Sarcasm makes having four feet more bearable. But hey, parking perks, totally a bonus, right?”

Callie rolled her eyes and nudged Arizona forward. “Just start walking. And let me know if you need to rest at any point.”

“I’ll have you know that I’ve been working out a lot lately,” Arizona teased before finally turning around. “Wow. This place is _huge_.”

“The market is one of the biggest,” Callie explained as they walked toward the busy throng of Saturday shoppers, making sure to keep pace with Arizona and her crutches. She had insisted that they take both and that Arizona try and keep weight off of her leg to conserve energy. While she hadn’t been very happy about it, Arizona had agreed.

“Do you come here a lot?” Arizona asked.

“Not a lot, but I do love it here,” Callie said. “The water and the seagulls kind of remind me of home. I’m not itching to get back to Miami or anything, but I really loved growing up next to the ocean.”

“It must have been nice living in Florida,” Arizona said, still scanning their surroundings as she tried to get her bearings. “Never been there but always wants to go. It figures that the one state surrounded by water on three sides is the one my father was never stationed in.”

As it was every Saturday in the summer, the Seattle wharf was packed. Busy ferry schedules, market vendors and the never-ending flow of fresh sea food created a hub of people that swarmed around like bees to a hive. It caught Arizona off-guard at first; she hadn’t really been out in crowded places since before her last deployment, and back then crowds were always a bad place to find yourself. Crowds meant ambushes and bombs and other bad things that lead to people she cared about getting hurt. Up until today, her life post-surgery had been relatively quiet and low-key, something she had taken for granted.

Callie sensed a bit of her unease and reached for her hand, only to realize that with two crutches to balance on she couldn’t exactly hold it. Arizona bumped into her a few times as they worked their way through the crowds, taking the occasional awkward step and wobbling on her feet.

Instead Callie reached out and hooked a finger through one of Arizona’s belt loops, figuring it was as good a substitute for hand holding as any. She didn’t tug or pull or try to help her balance, she just simply held on and stayed close by her side.

Arizona’s annoyance at her coordination issues diminished and she shot Callie a thankful smile. “So, Miami, you as a kid. What was that like?”

Callie shrugged as they continued along. “I had a good childhood there. My extended family was always around so there was a ton of cousins to play with. I was kind of a science nerd and didn’t have a lot of friends, but I managed okay.”

Arizona couldn’t imagine Callie Torres not having a multitude of friends like she had today. Everyone loved her at the hospital from what she could tell, and Callie was so easy to get along with that Arizona found it difficult to imagine people giving her a hard time. She stayed silent and listened.

“I started playing lacrosse in middle school and kept going through my senior year of high school,” Callie continued. “That was my ‘cool’ factor underneath all the nerdiness.”

“That’s kind of sexy,” Arizona admitted. “I can totally see you killing it at lacrosse. You’d be dynamite on the field.”

Callie beamed with pride. “I was a damn good cover point. I made all-state, too,” she added, giving a little tug on Arizona’s jeans.

“Very hot,” Arizona confirmed. “I’m dating a jock.”

Callie chuckled to herself before she looked around, realizing they’d been paying more attention to each other than the place they were here to see. She searched for an attraction to start the afternoon off. “The fish market totally stinks but they’ve usually got other vendors hanging around selling vegetables and stuff. We could pick up ingredients for dinner tomorrow, if you’re up for it?”

When she looked back at her date, she found her gazing out over the harbour, a far off look in her eyes. Arizona closed them and let the cool breeze wash over her face, bringing out a content smile that made Callie’s heart beat double-time in her chest.

“You look really beautiful today,” she said simply, watching Arizona’s smile widen.

“Just taking in the atmosphere. I couldn’t see the water from my hospital room. It smells…familiar.” Arizona opened her eyes and blinked a few times, her cheeks turning pink as she refocused on Callie. “How about we take a little walk first? I like looking at the ships. When I was a kid, my dad used to tell me all the names of the ones he knew. It was like a game between my brother and I, which one of us could name the most first.”

As she was making the suggestion, a loud _clang_ came from one of the cargo bays at the end of the harbour. Arizona jumped out of her skin and just about lost her balance until Callie grabbed her by the arm.

“Arizona?” Callie’s brow furrowed with worry and she put a hand on her back. She could feel the woman’s heart pounding through her jacket. “What’s wrong?”

Arizona had to swallow really hard before she could open her eyes again. “Nothing, I-I’m fine. It just startled me is all. Loud.” She smiled sheepishly and readjusted her hold on the crutches, feeling her palms start to sweat against the grips.

Callie didn’t buy it entirely but Arizona was already moving towards the market before she could protest. “I thought you wanted to walk along the waterfront?”

“Changed my mind,” Arizona called back, keeping herself moving in a steady line towards the fish market and away from the shipping yard.

Callie jogged to catch up. “Do you want to rest for a minute?”

“We’ve only been out of the car for five minutes,” Arizona pointed out. “I’m fine.”

Callie shoved her hands in her back pockets, frowning as she watched Arizona bear weight on her bad leg. “I know, but your knee was pretty swollen this morning and you’ve been glaring at your crutches since we got out of the car. Maybe if we sit down to rest you’ll be-”

Arizona stopped in her tracks and pivoted around to face her. “You need to stop wincing every time I take a step with that leg. You did an amazing job fixing me up and now I’m gonna do my best to get this thing working again, which includes putting weight down and going out and walking around with two tree trunks strapped to my sides for support. Which is what I’m doing today, only it’s more fun because I get to go on a date with you in the process.”

“I’m allowed to worry,” Callie said in a low voice, not backing down. “Two-fold, remember? Surgeon and girlfriend, one of which was inside that leg pulling things apart and the other who gave it a massage this morning because it was driving you crazy.”

Arizona could see she wasn’t going to win this one. She made a show of popping her right foot off of the ground, letting it hang loosely as she leaned her weight fully into the crutches. “Okay, there. Happy?”

Callie smiled triumphantly. “Thank you.” She once again looped her index finger through the back of Arizona’s belt loop and lead them both into the open tent.

Wanting to get things back on the right track, Arizona picked up where their other conversation had left off. “So if your family was really close, how come you never talk about your sister? I see pictures of you two all over the apartment but none of them have been taken here in Seattle.”

Part of Callie was suspicious that Arizona’s game of ‘Twenty Questions’ was being used as a distraction, but for now she went with it. “Aria and I are completely different. We get along okay and she’s got a big heart, but she still lives at home. I think she’s always been afraid to really spread her wings because my dad put a lot of pressure on her. She was the pretty and popular one, and the typical pain in the ass younger sister.”

She glanced sideways at Arizona and found herself smirking again. “She’s perky, though, so I’m sure you two would get along fabulously.”

“Perky?” Arizona echoed. “I’m hardly perky. We’ve been over this already.”

“You’re perky.”

Arizona blushed. “Am not.”

“Okay,” Callie said, completely unconvinced.

“Shut up.”

“Make me.”

Rolling her eyes playfully, Arizona nudged Callie down the first aisle inside the marketplace. “Tease me after I’m caffeinated, Torres.”

Callie pulled a few bills out of her wallet and handed them over to the nearest vendor. “Yes, ma’am.”

***

“Eww,” Arizona whined, making a disgusted face. “I don’t do fish. At all.” She recoiled from the long row of fresh catches being sold near the back of the market tent. “They stink and they taste like…fish.”

“So I’m guessing that sushi is totally out of the question when it comes to future dinner plans?” Callie teased, adoring how Arizona’s nose wrinkled up at the smell. “Fish are good, Arizona. Fish are your friends.”

“Fish are not my friends,” the blonde shot back with a firm head shake. “I won’t even keep them as pets. They don’t _count_ as pets.”

“What do you mean they don’t count as pets?” Callie asked incredulously. “Have you ever seen a salt water aquarium full of brightly coloured tropical fish? They’re beautiful. We used to have a two-hundred gallon tank in our entryway when I was growing up. I would sit there and stare at that thing for hours.”

“Decoration,” Arizona corrected. “Could you…I don’t know, fix them with a leash? Take them for walks? Rub their bellies? Teach them to do tricks? No, because they’re fish. They’re meant to be eaten or looked at for being pretty. That’s not a pet.”

“They’re alive,” Callie deadpanned, staring at her in disbelief. “And you have to keep them that way or they die without your intervention. I don’t have to keep a picture frame alive, do I?”

Arizona sighed raggedly. “I think we’re just gonna have to agree to disagree on this one.”

“There’s nothing to disagree about – they’re living creatures!”

Arizona shrugged. “Okay. But no.” She wiggled her eyebrows and quickly escaped out the side of the tent and back into the open walkway.

Callie narrowed her eyes at the back of Arizona’s head. She took a moment to fit the bag of fresh produce she’d purchased into her giant purse before following.

She decided against buying a large salmon for now but started thinking about getting Arizona an aquarium for her birthday.

***

They wandered for the better part of an hour, taking in the sights and buying lunch from one of the food trucks parked nearby. They sat on a bench facing the harbour while they ate and talked about driving to the ocean front one of these days when Callie had some time off. Arizona admitted to loving the water and that she missed her view of the Pacific ocean back in California. Puget Sound was beautiful but it wasn’t quite the same.

“Let’s go burn a hole in our wallets,” Callie suggested once they finished eating, tossing out their trash and pulling Arizona up from the bench. She took a moment to lean in for a small kiss, loving how it made a goofy grin spread across Arizona’s face.

A row of shops lined the opposite side of the walkway and in the hour they had been here the crowd seemed to have doubled in size. Through the multitude of voices all shouting over one another, the shipping yard clanked away, a ferry horn announced itself, and musicians lined every few feet of concrete playing various instruments in the hopes of making an extra buck or two from the masses. The combination of noises was a little disorienting and Arizona found herself leaning into Callie on instinct, an uneasy feeling tightening in her chest. Despite her conscious efforts to keep going, her body was starting to betray her every time someone roughly bumped into her on their way past. For the first time in her life, she was starting to feel claustrophobic right out in the open.

Callie glanced sideways periodically, doing her best to help Arizona navigate through the crowds, keeping a steady hand on the center of her back. She wasn’t an idiot; she could see that this wasn’t easy for her. But they’d had enough ‘discussions’ about Callie backing off and letting Arizona handle herself, so she was doing her best to honour that agreement. Still, every time she felt Arizona tense up beneath her fingertips, her heart went out to the other woman.

When a big, burly guy sideswiped Arizona’s crutch and knocked her into Callie without looking back, she instinctively scooped an arm around Arizona’s waist and pivoted herself into the flow of foot traffic, doing her best to shield the blonde from the rabid shoppers and give her a moment to breathe. “C’mere,” she husked in a low voice, tugging Arizona close. “These people are a bunch of lazy jerks, seriously.”

Arizona released a shaky breath, feeling like a giant dork. “Yeah,” she replied faintly. She inhaled deeply through her nose and shot Callie a sheepish smile. “It’s okay, I’m good. Really.”

“Let’s just take a minute,” Callie suggested, concern showing in her eyes.

While Arizona secretly wanted nothing more than to burrow into Callie’s arms and gather herself, she knew it would take them forever to get a move on if she did. “No, really, let’s just get inside. I need to spend some more money.” She mustered up a brave smile for her girlfriend’s sake.

“I’m not gonna let them touch you, I promise,” Callie said firmly. “I break bones for a living and I will snap the next person that lacks peripheral vision with my bare hands.”

That made Arizona laugh. “Thank you,” she said sincerely, allowing Callie to start leading them again, comforted by the arm draped around her shoulders.

It was a slow process and Arizona could feel her chest tighten as they once again submerged themselves into a sea of people. It never used to be this hard, she thought to herself, wondering when she became so damn skittish over a crowd of Saturday shoppers. She used to frequent the Mall of America when she visited Minnesota and this was _nothing_ compared to that place. She knew grown men in the military that wouldn’t set foot in there without an assault rifle and body armour strapped to their sides just in case they got mobbed.

It was a relief when they finally neared the row of shops, the crowd gradually beginning to thin out as they stepped onto the wooden boardwalk. There was a bookstore at the far end of the row and Arizona pointed it out to Callie, really not caring where they went first so long as it was inside.

A movement to her left caught Callie’s attention, where the pier ended and the last in a line of cargo ships was moving containers around with a crane. She saw it before most people, although not soon enough to warn Arizona.

One of the shipping containers snapped a chain as it was being lifted and started to fall. It wasn’t as though anyone was in physical danger; that area was securely closed off to the public and there were no dock workers around to be injured. But the screech of the chain and the unbelievably loud _boom_ as the container crashed to the ground unannounced shook the very foundation beneath their feet, temporarily deafening everyone within earshot.

Fortunately for ninety-nine percent of them, they had never been involved in a bombing before.

Arizona went white as a sheet and her legs buckled out from under her. Callie reacted fast enough to catch her, letting the crutches clatter to the ground and gripping her as tightly as she possibly could while they both sank to their knees.

The vibrations of the container smashing to the ground and the ear-splitting shriek of metal-on-metal slammed into Arizona’s chest like a tsunami, spreading through her in a shockwave and shutting down even her most basic functions. She couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think; so she collapsed instead, no longer standing on the pier in Seattle.

_There was just the explosion, then the searing, unbearable pain that followed as the flesh on her leg curled away, leaving every nerve open and exposed to the elements. The dirt choked her nose, her throat, her eyes, cut into her skin; blood and smoke burned the inside of her lungs every time she tried to breathe and someone nearby wouldn’t stop screaming into the eardrum that hadn’t yet burst._

_It hurt to breathe. Her lungs collapsed and her leg was on fire, splinters of bone and sinew, some of it hers, littering the ground around them. She felt the urge to vomit but the abdominal contractions wrenched the medal buried in her gut and a white hot fire killed her body’s ability to even do that. She choked on a mixture of bile and blood as her consciousness shut down and her whole body started to seize as it went into shock. She wasn’t supposed to feel pain this bad but she did. She felt all of it._

Callie knew something was horribly wrong. Arizona was no longer with her; she was hyperventilating with wheezy, shallow breaths, but her eyes were glassy and she was so far away that she didn’t even know what was going on around them. Calling her name did nothing; it was like Arizona had vacated her own body and floated off into the ether. It paralyzed Callie because the last time she saw her this empty was when she came out from under anaesthesia, and now, in the middle of downtown Seattle, she had _no_ idea how to bring her back.

Callie looked around, desperate for help but unable to form the words and call out. People stared at them on their way by before quickly scooting off without bothering to stop. It made her angry. That anger was enough to snap her out of it and scoop Arizona into her arms, struggling to her feet and taking off towards the nearest shop.

“Move,” Callie snapped at a guy standing in her way, ignoring his bewildered look as she blew by him and entered the door he held open.

A middle-aged woman sat behind the cash desk, flipping through a magazine with the radio playing quietly in the background. She startled when Callie burst through the door and walked right past her, making a rush for the back of the store while carrying someone in her arms.

“Hey!” the cashier called out, peering over top of the counter in the direction they went. “Excuse me!”

“C’mon, baby, stay with me,” Callie whispered over and over again, hurrying past rows upon rows of books, praying the cashier wouldn’t follow them. Unlike outside, the store wasn’t busy and for that she was thankful; Arizona didn’t need an audience for this.

She carried her to the far back corner, behind the last bookshelf where the only light came filtering through some dusty windows above. She gently deposited Arizona against a wall lined with boxes of unpackaged books and other supplies. Arizona’s legs refused to hold her up and Callie pressed her into the wall with her body, gently cupping the blonde’s face between her hands. “Look at me, Arizona, _please_ ,” she begged, startled by how small her pupils were as she stared into them.

It was as though Arizona was hearing Callie through water; her voice muffled and far away but slowly permeating the edges of her consciousness. She was shaking right down to her very core as she _tried_ to see what was in front of her, her vision still blurry and unstable. She felt the softness of someone’s hands surrounding her face and tried to cling to the tactile sensation; needing something, _anything_ to hold on to, but it felt like she was about to slip back under at any moment. Every time she blinked her reality altered between Seattle and that surgical tent out in the middle of the desert.

Callie was scared shitless, knowing that if she didn’t do something soon she might lose her even more. She had no idea what kind of damage a flashback or disassociation of this magnitude could cause.

She had zero experience to call upon so she did the one thing she couldn’t do the first time around – Callie pressed herself hard into Arizona and kissed her with everything she had, one hand curving around the back of her neck while the other stayed contoured to her cheek. Even Arizona’s lips were cold but she stiffened at the contact, the first sign of life in over two minutes.

Callie broke the kiss but barely moved, stroking Arizona’s cheek and whispering reassurances. She let her breathe before mashing their lips together again, willing some sort of reaction that would let her know her girlfriend was coming back to her.

Arizona was still disoriented but she instinctively closed both fists around the front of Callie’s jacket, holding on for dear life. Small tears escaped from the corners of her eyes, flowing silently down her cheek and pooling where Callie’s thumb pressed into her skin.

Callie brought her other hand up to cradle Arizona’s face between them as she looked her in the eye. “You’re safe, Arizona. You’re with me and you’re safe. Try to focus, okay? I need you to breathe, nice and deep for me. Everything’s okay.”

Brown eyes bore into blue, waiting for some of the clouded confusion to dissipate and signal Arizona’s return, but it didn’t. The shaking slowed for maybe a second or two but then it started up again, threatening to become worse.

Growling in desperation, Callie crushed her lips against her girlfriend’s, _needing_ to get their connection across and draw her back to where they were right now. She had no way of knowing what Arizona was experiencing on the inside but she could see how utterly terrified she was.

It took a really long moment before Callie finally felt her start to respond.

It was like fighting her way out of a pit of mud. She was blind and she couldn’t think straight, but Callie was all around her, pulling her up. Arizona grabbed onto that feeling and tried to claw her way back to where she could breathe again.

Callie alternated between kissing Arizona and letting her breathe, whispering to her in Spanish just to try and get her to calm down. Her heart felt like it had been stepped on by an elephant as a steady flow of silent tears streamed down her girlfriend’s face.

Frozen fingers moved down to grip at Callie’s sides, pushing into the cotton t-shirt as Arizona readjusted her grip. She would have collapsed a long time ago if Callie hadn’t been holding her up.

Eventually, _finally_ , Callie looked into blue eyes and saw a flicker of recognition in them. She smiled breathlessly, stroking her fingers along Arizona’s jaw line and placing a softer kiss against her lips. “Hey, it’s okay, just look at me, I’m right here.” She waited while Arizona swallowed a hard lump in her throat and nodded stiffly once. “We’re in Seattle, we’re on a date and we’re making out in a dusty old book store. You’re completely safe.”

Arizona tried to laugh but it came out more like a strangled sob. Then Callie kissed her again and she clung on tighter, another deep shudder rolled through her body as she started to feel things again. They flooded in suddenly and in an overwhelming rush. It was like her insides were raw and it was too much to handle at once, making her release a desperate whimper into the kiss.

Callie reached down and gripped Arizona’s hands tightly in her own, bringing them up and moulding them to her face. “You need to come back, okay? Try to focus. You’re safe with me, I _promise_.” She stroked her thumbs along the back of Arizona’s hands, holding them to her face, fighting to keep back tears of her own.

The next kiss was gentler this time but it was enough to wash away the remaining fog. Perhaps it was the quake in Callie’s voice, but Arizona finally started to remember where she was. Her senses sharpened some more and all she could taste and feel was Callie against her.

Arizona sighed through her nose and leaned into the kiss, splaying her fingers across Callie’s face and drawing her closer. She couldn’t remember a kiss this intense since the very first time the brunette had taken her to her motel room.

That memory allowed the residual tension to melt away from her body. Arizona sagged heavily against the wall, even her good knee threatening to buckle out from under her. A balloon of adrenaline burst in her chest and she nearly started hyperventilating all over again out of sheer relief that she wasn’t dying. A couple of hard gulps of air quelled that urge, too.

Callie managed a light smile, clearly relieved. “I won’t let anything happen to you, I promise.” When Arizona released a small breath and nodded, Callie pulled her into the tightest hug she could manage, squeezing her arms around the blonde’s middle, kissing along her jaw and murmuring softly into her ear.

Burying her face in the crook of Callie’s neck, Arizona just kept trying to breathe evenly, in and out, matching the rise and fall of Callie’s chest against her own. She wrapped both arms around her shoulders and held on as tightly as she could, though her grip was weak compared to the one Callie had on her.

It kept her in the present. Eventually the after-effects of the flashback dissipated completely and Arizona felt like she could relax without falling back into the past.

As Arizona’s body sagged into her arms, Callie held her up with everything she had. “Just keep breathing,” she whispered into her ear.

It took a few minutes before Arizona finally mustered all of the energy she had left to pull her head back from Callie’s shoulder. She couldn’t remember ever feeling this exhausted before in her life. She met Callie’s dark gaze with a weak, embarrassed smile.

Callie leaned her forehead against her partner’s. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Arizona echoed softly, closing her eyes.

“I thought I’d lost you for a minute there.” Callie tried to keep her voice from shaking.

Arizona inhaled slowly. “Me too.” She forced herself to look around them. “Where are we?”

“Bookstore,” Callie answered in a quiet voice, glancing behind them to make sure they didn’t have any company. No one had found them. “How are you feeling?”

“Been better,” Arizona admitted with a hoarse laugh, letting her eyes wander. “So, the stacks, huh? Interesting choice.” Despite her efforts to be funny, she felt a residual shot of nerves suddenly flutter in her chest and hurriedly stole a kiss from Callie.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Callie murmured, squeezing the blonde’s slender waist and holding her close. “We can stand here for as long as you need.”

Truthfully, Arizona wanted to go bury herself in a hole somewhere she could never be found. “I’m so sorry,” she murmured as she dropped her head onto Callie’s shoulder.

“Stop,” Callie admonished. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

Arizona squeezed her eyes shut. “Way to ruin our day, huh?”

Callie purse her lips and rubbed a hand up and down Arizona’s back. “Are you kidding? I’ve been kissing you senseless for the last twenty minutes. Best date ever.”

She was lying through her teeth, because she had _never_ been so freaking terrified for someone else before. This was ten times worse than when Arizona had woken up from surgery in a panic. But it wasn’t her fault. Arizona had nothing to apologize for.

Arizona snorted in disbelief. “Liar,” she accused right before kissing Callie again. She figured it was the best way to keep herself from running out the door and jumping into the Sound.

Callie ran her hands along Arizona’s sides. “How about you let me take you home? We can order take-out and watch a movie instead.” She could sense Arizona’s disappointment and was quick to reassure her. “We’ll do the Space Needle another time, I promise. Right now I just want to get you home where we can relax, okay?”

“To be honest, I kind of feel like hiding,” Arizona admitted, staring hard at the floor.

Callie frowned and lifted her chin with a finger. “Don’t be stupid. You have nothing to be ashamed about. Let me take you home for my own sake. Please?”

Arizona finally nodded, too tired to argue anyway. She doubted she would make it on foot to anywhere but the car right now. “Where are my crutches?”

Callie ran her fingers through Arizona’s hair and kissed her one last time before carefully extracting from her arms. “Wait here, I’ll go get them.”

Arizona leaned back against the wall and started counting backwards from one-hundred, needing something to keep her mind occupied while she was alone. She got to seventy-five when Callie reappeared with both crutches in her hands, helping her situate them under her arms.

Her panic attack – or whatever it was – had drained all of the energy in her body, and she stumbled over her own limbs on the way back to the car. Callie took them on a longer route to avoid the crowds, ready to pick Arizona up and carry her in an instant if she thought she wouldn’t make it.

But she did, and it was only once Callie had Arizona shut safely in the passenger seat that she allowed herself to close her eyes and really breathe.

It took everything that Callie had to stop herself from shaking and alerting Arizona to her distress. She was so out of her depth here that she had no idea what was supposed to happen next.


	9. Chapter 21

Callie knew she was going to make a run for it before they even entered the apartment.

Sure enough, Arizona remained mute as she removed her shoes and hung up her jacket, each movement methodical and precise. She picked her way into the main room on her crutches and started towards the back hall without so much as a backward glance. She felt too unstable to do anything other than collapse into bed and release the tight hold she had been keeping on her emotions the entire trip home.

“Wait.”

Callie’s voice made her stop but she didn’t turn around.

“Arizona, please,” Callie said quietly. “You can’t pretend this isn’t happening. Not anymore. I need you to stop and sit down for a minute.”

Arizona swallowed hard, feeling her heartbeat increase with anxiety. Her first instinct was to ignore the request but this wasn’t just about her anymore. It was hard on Callie too, she knew it was; so as much as she wanted to be selfish and lock herself away, she couldn’t turn her back on one of the only people who had it these days. She felt sick as she turned around and met her girlfriend’s gaze, nodding tightly without saying a word.

She didn’t want to do this.

Callie took a step closer and gently guided Arizona over to the couch before she could bolt, setting the crutches aside and helping her sit down. She took a seat next to her and twisted her upper body around so they were face to face – or face to side profile, as it were; Arizona still wouldn’t look at her.

Arizona felt the heat rise in her cheeks as Callie’s eyes bore into the side of her head. She stayed as still a statue, staring hard at the coffee table and keeping her mind blank so that she didn’t have to relive what had just happened.

“Hey.” Callie slowly reached out to run a hand along Arizona’s back, ignoring the way she stiffened in response. “I can’t imagine how you’re feeling right now. You must be exhausted.”

“Among other things,” Arizona said, her voice strained as she spoke for the first time since leaving the wharf. She sounded hoarse and had to clear her throat to make herself heard. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”

Callie furrowed her brow. “You have nothing to be sorry for. What happened wasn’t your fault.”

Arizona let out a harsh laugh and closed her eyes. She wrapped her arms tightly around her midsection as though trying to hold herself together. “Wasn’t it? Somebody knocked over a giant box and I lost my mind. It was pathetic.”

Callie’s heart ached at the self-hatred in Arizona’s voice. She scooted closer and took her hand. “You went through something horrible six months ago and you’re still standing, regardless of what you think about yourself. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is complicated and it’s not something you can just get over. You’re a doctor, you know how it works.”

“It’s one thing to know about it as a professional and another to lose control of your own body every time you...” Arizona trailed off, for the first time looking directly at Callie. “I thought I was getting better. I thought if I could just forget…but I can’t. I don’t know if I ever will.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” Callie said, reaching up to run her fingers through blonde curls.

“I mean it, Callie,” Arizona said firmly, emotion clicking behind her words for the first time. “You didn’t sign up for this. You had no way of knowing it would get this bad. I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to cut and run before it gets any messier.”

“Stop it.” Callie took Arizona’s face in between her hands. “That is never going to happen, when are you going to get that through your head? I meant what I said when you moved in – no matter how bad it gets, I want to help you through it. I’m not going to bail just because you’re in pain.”

“Out of pity? Or obligation?” Arizona challenged. “I would hate myself forever if you felt like you had to stay just because you said you would. It’s one thing to be a little jumpy when we’re at home but the fact that I can’t even go out in public without embarrassing myself–”

“Arizona–”

“I know you said that you wanted to help me,” Arizona blurted out loudly, “and you have no idea how grateful I am for that, but I’m giving you an out.” Her voice cracked and she took a second to get it back. “You didn’t sign up for this, Calliope. I’m saying you can walk away right now and I won’t hold it against you.”

Callie pursed her lips, a flare of anger rising up in her chest. She dropped her hands from Arizona’s face but didn’t budge an inch on the couch. “No.”

Arizona started to argue but Callie quickly cut her off.

“No,” Callie repeated, glaring. “I am not staying out of pity or obligation or any of the other offensive reasons you think I’m here for. You can’t keep telling me to leave you. It’s not fair.”

Arizona released an exasperated sigh. “Callie–”

“I said no.” Callie cocked a severe eyebrow and crossed her arms defiantly. “Maybe I don’t understand what you’re going through and maybe I don’t know exactly how to help, but what I do know is that I’m not giving up, because I’m crazy about you, even if you’re stubborn and make me want to throttle you sometimes. I gave you your space and didn’t push, but I won’t let you lock yourself away and drown in it just because you refuse to let someone in. So no, Arizona, you can take your exit strategy and shove it because you’re stuck with me. Got it?”

Arizona was struck speechless. The fierceness behind Callie’s words surprised her. For the life of her she couldn’t understand _why_ Callie would want to stay and deal with her growing mountain of baggage when it would be so much easier just to walk away.

Callie watched an array of emotions flicker across her girlfriend’s face and her rigid stance faded when she got no response. “There are ways to deal with what you’re experiencing,” she said gently. “People that can help you process what happened.”

Arizona let out a harsh laugh and stared at her lap. “No offense, but some yahoo sitting in an office with a clipboard has no idea what it’s like coming back from that – the things you see, the things you do. The things other people do to each other and the mess that’s left behind for you to clean up.” She dropped her forehead into her hands, rubbing her brow.

Callie sagged into the couch, keeping a hand on Arizona’s back. “Does the military not have psychologists on hand to help people deal with coming back? There’s been so much research lately about soldiers returning with PTSD...”

“They do, but they’re told not to ‘over-exaggerate’ the effects of it on service members.” Arizona turned her head and smiled ruefully at Callie. “You wouldn’t believe how little the US military cares about former soldiers once they’ve served their purpose. A diagnosis of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder guarantees a lifetime of coverage and treatment, whereas an anxiety disorder can be pre-existing and not their problem. The less people know about it, the less they have to cash out.”

“That’s horrible,” Callie said disbelievingly. 

“Tim went through it with some of his Marine buddies a few years ago. It was pretty bad.” Arizona took in a deep breath through her nose and exhaled through her mouth. “The disability pay system is already complicated enough. It’s like jumping through hoops of fire when you’ve only got one working leg to stand on. And believe it or not, I’m one of the lucky ones. Some of these guys come back with much less than I did and they’re expected to survive on their own.”

Callie took a moment to absorb the information, finding it hard to believe that the US government could so willingly discard those that had risked their lives for it. Up until now it had merely been something she had seen in the news or read in a passing article on the internet; living with someone who was a survivor and going through the process first-hand was opening her eyes in a huge way.

It made her angry. For Arizona and for the others who were suffering needlessly.

Arizona leaned back next to Callie, looking contemplative as well as exhausted. “I don’t know what to do anymore. I really did start to feel better after I moved in with you, but lately it’s just felt like things have been moving in the wrong direction. Not with us,” she clarified, “just me. Like I’m trying to walk forward but the ground is moving the other way and I can’t keep up. I don’t know why.”

Frowning, Callie brushed a stray hair away from Arizona’s face. She didn’t try to coax any answers out of her or pry for more information; she simply waited patiently for Arizona to gather her words and speak on her own time.

Arizona chewed on her bottom lip for a long moment before finally deciding to continue. “I’ve been having these dreams.” The words tasted heavy as they left her mouth. “Night terrors, flashbacks, whatever you want to call them. I’ve been having them a lot lately.”

Callie sat up, looking concerned.

Arizona swallowed thickly and stared at her hands some more. “Leaving Seattle Grace was the first time since I got hurt that I wasn’t on a truckload of medication or being woken up every two hours by a nurse on rounds. The dreams would get bad when I was in the motel, almost every night of the week, but at least when I woke up I knew it wasn’t real.”

“But not anymore?”

Arizona shook her head. “No. I mean, they’re not every night, and sometimes I actually sleep pretty good. But there’s been a few times where I open my eyes and it’s dark and it just feels… _wrong_.” She looked at Callie. “You know that feeling when you’re standing on a ledge and you just know you’re going to fall off if you so much as breathe? Or like someone is standing behind you, waiting to push you over? It’s kind of like that, only the details are muddled and I don’t know if I’m remembering something that actually happened or if it’s all mixing together in my brain. All I know is that I can’t breathe and my leg hurts and something bad feels like it’s about to happen.”

It killed Callie to know that she had missed this and that Arizona had been all alone, waking up in a panic. “You should’ve come get me. I would have been there for you in an instant.”

“I wasn’t gonna wake you up for that,” Arizona replied, smiling thankfully. “I’ve been having dreams about what happens over there ever since I came back. These bad ones come and go; sometimes I remember the content, sometimes I don’t. Either way, they’re just dreams. They won’t kill me.”

Callie pursed her lips. “It doesn’t mean you have to force yourself to deal with them on your own. I really wish you had told me sooner.”

Arizona lifted a hand to stroke Callie’s cheek, sighing. “I’m sorry. I’m not very good at this. I am trying.”

Callie took the hand and pressed a firm kiss to Arizona’s palm. “Is there anything we can do to prevent them? I can prescribe some sleep aids if you think it will help.”

Arizona shook her head. “No, I don’t want to add more drugs and side effects to my list of problems. Thank you, though.”

“There’s really nothing the military will do for you, is there?” Callie asked, absently stroking her other hand through Arizona’s hair.

“They shipped me a Purple Heart and a Bronze Star,” Arizona said with a smirk. “Which is basically a pat on the back and a ‘thanks for playing, see you never’.”

“You never told me that,” Callie objected, frowning at her again. “Arizona, that’s huge.”

“They give you the Purple Heart when you get injured or die,” Arizona said humorously. “So yay me, I got blown up and there’s a sticker for it. And the Bronze Star, it’s a joke. I don’t deserve it.”

“You saved lives by going into battle and treating people on the front lines,” Callie argued. “That’s not nothing. Stop underselling yourself.”

“I did my duty, which was to treat injured soldiers and insurgents. Tim went above and beyond every day and kept his unit safe during a deadly ambush before an IED killed him. _He_ deserved the Bronze Star, not me.”

The crack in Arizona’s voice wasn’t lost on Callie. She didn’t want to upset her any more than she already was after such a rough afternoon, so she didn’t push the subject further. “Have they sent them to you yet? Isn’t there supposed to be some sort of ceremony?”

“They’re at my parents’ house,” Arizona sighed, sliding down a few inches on the couch and leaning sideways into Callie. Her cheek found its favourite nook just above the brunette’s collarbone and they fell into a contemplative silence.

“Damn it. I really wanted today to go smoothly.”

“It wasn’t all bad,” Callie said lightly, wrapping an arm around Arizona’s shoulders and pulling her closer. She pressed a loving kiss to the crown of her head. “I just wish I knew how to help you sleep better.”

“Orgasms,” Arizona murmured without hesitation, causing them both to start snickering. The light-hearted action helped lift her spirits significantly. 

“You never give up, do you?” Callie smirked into her girlfriend’s hair, feeling better despite the heavy conversation. It meant a lot to her that Arizona had opened up.

“Not when it comes to a pretty girl like you.” Arizona closed her eyes and breathed in the familiar scent of Callie’s leather jacket, sliding a hand underneath it and across her belly. “I’ll be okay. Believe me when I say having you around has made my life a thousand times better. I was even more of a walking disaster before you took me in off the streets.”

“You were homeless but cute,” Callie teased, rubbing her hand up and down Arizona’s arm. “Would you think about it, though? Talking to someone? I can help you research your options. You don’t have to do it all alone.”

Arizona hesitated. “I’ll think about it,” she allowed, still not positive that she was ready to sit in a room with a total stranger and spill her guts. She did feel better after telling Callie about her nightmares, though. At least some of the weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Part of her still couldn’t understand why Callie hadn’t run for the hills yet but she was quickly learning it would be better to stop asking those kinds of questions. Especially since her girlfriend seemed poised to smack her the next time she tried.

“No wonder you’ve been so stressed out lately,” Callie sighed. “I thought you were just frustrated with how physical therapy was going.”

Arizona absently stroked her fingers along Callie’s cotton t-shirt. “There’s a little more to it,” she admitted, lifting her head from its comfortable spot. “I don’t think it’s really anything to be worried about. It’s probably just allergies on top of everything else.”

Callie frowned. “What’s just allergies?”

Arizona bit her bottom lip. “I’ve been getting these nosebleeds. Which isn’t entirely unusual, because I used to get them all the time growing up, but twice now it’s been because of these nightmares where I’m falling out of bed and knocking your designer lamp over.”

Callie sat up straighter, retracting her arm so she could face Arizona. “From hitting yourself in the face?”

“I don’t think so,” Arizona said, still hesitant about making a big deal of it. “I wake up already covered in blood, like they started while I was asleep. Seattle isn’t exactly a desert with no moisture in the air, so I thought it was a little unusual with the timing, that’s all.”

Callie’s frown deepened and she took Arizona’s head between her hands, switching into doctor mode as she inspected her eyes and turned her face to the side. “Any headaches?”

“Some pretty nasty migraines,” Arizona admitted, “but not always at the same time as the other stuff. I chalked it up to air pressure changes.” She placated Callie and went along with the examination even though she felt it was unnecessary.

“Chest pain?” Callie asked, tilting Arizona’s head to the left.

“I get a little wheezy sometimes,” Arizona said. “Never any pain. Most of it takes place after physical therapy. I’m a giant wet noodle these days, so that’s probably normal.”

“Is that usually when the nightmares start?” Callie traced her thumb across Arizona’s temple before feeling around the muscles lining the back of her neck.

Arizona shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe. You think it’s related?”

Callie finally dropped her hands away and sighed. “I think you’ve been under a lot of stress lately and it’s doing unpleasant things to your body.” She chewed on the inside of her cheek. “I want you to come in for a physical tomorrow. I’ve got some time in the morning and I want to get a thorough idea of how you’re doing.”

“A physical?” Arizona’s eyes widened. “Please don’t tell me this’ll be the very first time you get a look at my lady parts. That’s not how I pictured it happening.”

Callie let out a bark of laughter. “No, I think we can skip that part for now. Though if you’re due for one I can recommend one of my female colleagues instead.”

“No thank you,” Arizona chuckled, “I’m good. But you really don’t have to waste your very precious, very valuable time tomorrow, Doctor Torres. I’m fine.”

Callie narrowed her eyes. “Nice try, _Doctor_ Robbins. But you’re due for a post-op check-up anyway. Nine a.m. sound good?”

Arizona released a dramatic sigh. “Mmph, early. But okay, you’re the boss. I’ll be there.”

“Good girl.” Callie leaned in and gave her a small kiss. “Now how do I convince you to spend the night in my room?”

A slow, calculated eyebrow crept up Arizona’s forehead as Callie nipped teasingly at her mouth. “Um – rules, remember?” Callie ignored her and stole another kiss. “I thought we still had those,” Arizona murmured weakly.

Callie sighed and rested their foreheads together. “I know, but today was a shitty day and if stress has anything to do with these nightmares, you might not want to be alone.”

A knot formed in Arizona’s belly. “Yeah. I have to admit, I’m not really keen on going to sleep tonight.”

“Then stay with me.” Callie slipped an arm around her waist and tugged her closer. “Maybe it’ll help. I promise not to make any moves.”

“You won’t use your feminine wiles to trick me into getting naked?” Arizona mused as she began easing Callie back down against the couch.

Callie made a feeble effort at resisting, eventually finding herself on her back as Arizona settled on top of her. “Look who’s talking. You hardly need rescuing.”

Arizona tucked some hair behind her own ear. “I’m traumatized, remember? You’re supposed to let me have my way.”

It was Callie’s turn to arch a brow. “Who’s convincing who here?”

Laughing again, Arizona shortened their conversation and drew her girlfriend into another kiss. Given that she had expected to come home and fall apart in the solitude of her bedroom, finding herself in this position was a welcomed change of pace. Turning her brain off for a little while was working wonders for her sanity. It made the tired ache in her bones just a little less noticeable.

Callie’s hands found their way to Arizona’s hips, dipping just below the hem of her t-shirt without daring go any higher. It was ridiculous how smooth and perfect Arizona’s skin was, something Callie noted painfully every time they got close. While she was determined to let Arizona set the pace, it was impossible to shut down her own libido, especially when she spent her days kissing the hottest woman in Seattle on top of their designer couch.

That made for a lot of lonely, solo nights.

Grunting into the kiss, Callie waited for Arizona to pull back before flashing a cheeky grin at her. “I think I’m onto you.”

“Technically _I’m_ onto _you_ right now,” Arizona said innocently, trailing her lips along the brunette’s jaw. “But, semantics.”

Groaning, Callie circled Arizona’s torso with her arms and crushed their bodies together. One of these days Arizona was going to be the death of her. But in the spirit of taking things slow, she let the blonde set the pace, happily reciprocating when their lips met for a third time.

It wasn’t hard for Arizona to feel Callie’s desire for more, and given how saintly the woman had been thus far in their relationship, she vowed to make it well worth her while when she could.

Callie’s hands tangled themselves in her hair and Arizona deepened the kiss on instinct, drawing lines down the brunette’s collarbone with her fingertips, resisting the urge to cup a full breast in her palm. She couldn’t decide whether she wanted Callie’s jacket on or off, because _God_ did she look sexy and badass and a dozen other very selective adjectives when she wore it.

It had been a while since Callie had seen aggressive Arizona come out to play. These weren’t exactly the circumstances in which she pictured it happening, but she wasn’t about to complain. For once Arizona wasn’t trying to distract her from other issues with kissing or groping, so she had no qualms about being a willing participant.

Still, she was ever mindful of the physical boundaries they had in place for a reason. She didn’t want to spook the blonde after finally getting through to her. Callie settled for digging her fingers into Arizona’s hips and groaning softly into the kiss, earning a playful smile from the woman on top.

They were woven together on the couch when keys turned in the apartment door a short time later, causing a break in their connection and a pair of heavy sighs. Arizona shifted down and rested her cheek against Callie’s chest just as Cristina came inside, hoping this would look more innocent than it actually was. Controlling her breathing was difficult with her blood pounding through her veins, yet somehow she managed not to pant like a total fool.

Callie was stiff as a board underneath Arizona when Cristina barged in, cursing her roommate’s existence and wondering what she did to deserve it. She couldn’t have cared less that their ‘kissing on the couch’ rule was in place for such a reason – interruptions ensured things never got too far – but that didn’t mean she wasn’t secretly plotting to put the next spider she found in Yang’s bed as revenge.

The hammering of Callie’s heart would have given them away if Cristina had been close enough to hear it. As it was Arizona, had to bite her tongue to keep from grinning, keeping her ear pressed to the centre of Callie’s chest just so she could listen.

Cristina spared them a glance, rolling her eyes at their positioning as she dropped her bag by the coffee table and strolled into the kitchen. “I thought you guys were out late tonight.”

“Bad pain management day,” Arizona replied, intertwining her legs with Callie’s. “Sorry.”

Clearing her throat and finding her voice lodged somewhere in the back of her lung, Callie reached for the TV remote on the table. “We’re, uh, gonna order takeout instead.”

“If you’re ordering Chinese, throw in some spring rolls and fried rice,” Cristina said, returning to the living room with a beer and collapsing in the arm chair kiddie-corner to the couch. “Today totally sucked.”

Callie put on the news and dropped the remote before returning her arms around Arizona’s waist. She would take what little contact she could get right now, even with Cristina sitting there. “Tell me about it.” She glanced down, hoping she hadn’t offended the blonde.

Arizona seemed unfazed, shifting her head so she could focus on the TV. “Root canals are more fun than today was,” she agreed, although she was happy not to go into any more detail than that,

Popping off the beer cap, Cristina slumped back in her chair. “I have Wednesday off and saw that you’re on the early shift. Game night?”

Callie felt some of her resentment towards Cristina dissipate at the suggestion. “Hell yeah! We haven’t done that in forever.”

“Game night?” Arizona echoed. “Like, board games?”

Cristina snorted. “Monopoly is for losers. Every month or so, Torres and I get hammered playing Xbox and gain twenty pounds in pizza consumption. It’s great.”

Callie snickered beneath her and Arizona lifted her head to smirk. “The fact that I haven’t seen you drunk yet is a little weird,” she mused.

“You could join,” Cristina offered, surprising them both. “You live here anyway.”

“Absolutely,” Callie agreed without hesitation, smiling at Arizona and lifting a hand to comb it through her hair. “But I’m still gonna kick your ass, so expect no mercy. You have to learn on your feet.”

“Please, I’m not _that_ old. We played Playstation on the base all the time,” Arizona countered, rolling her eyes before resettling her cheek against Callie’s sternum. “I’m in.”

“Bring Teddy,” Cristina added. “Maybe if I get her drunk and feed her terrible food she’ll let me in on a couple of good surgeries.”

“I’ll see what she’s up to,” Arizona confirmed, tracing small circles along Callie’s stomach. The exhaustion from earlier came crashing back and she could feel her willpower to stay awake starting to ebb away.

A power nap couldn’t hurt. It would give her time to consider Callie’s offer of spending the night in her bed. The very idea of being alone in the darkness brought back the large knot in her stomach, so she was pretty sure already she knew her answer.

***

_June 7th, 2009_

 

“Baby, wake up.”

A husky whisper in her ear combined with the hand on her waist gradually dragged Arizona from the warm recess of sleep she had been curled up in for hours.

“Time to get up,” Callie repeated, gently rubbing Arizona’s side. “We have to be at the hospital in forty-five minutes.”

“Mmph,” Arizona murmured into the pillow, breathing in a lungful of Callie’s scent that brought a dopey smile to her face. She loved that the bed sheets smelled like her. “Don’t wanna.”

Her girlfriend was, without a doubt, the cutest sleepy person that Callie had ever seen, but despite that she knew they had to get going. She didn’t want Arizona putting off her check-up just because she was nervous. “C’mon, move your butt. Or I’ll drop you in the shower myself.”

Pouting, Arizona rolled over and peeled her eyes open, peering sleepily up at Callie. “Ow. Sunlight.”

“You’ll live.” Callie leaned against her left arm on the opposite side of Arizona’s body and reached up with her right hand to correct the erratic hairs sticking to her girlfriend’s forehead. “Did you sleep okay?”

Humming in response, Arizona blinked a few times just to make sure her eyelids didn’t glue themselves shut again. “Yeah, surprisingly. I don’t remember waking up at any point.”

“You were pretty tired.” Callie leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to Arizona’s cheek. “Told you sleeping in my bed would work.”

“Mm, my protector,” Arizona said suggestively, reaching for the front of Callie’s shirt and pulling her back down for a kiss.

Callie held off, much to her lover’s dismay. “No kissing in the bedroom, remember?”

“Callie,” Arizona whined, feeling increasingly cranky at the early morning wake-up call and the withholding of physical comfort. She could handle one or the other but not both.

“Then get up, shower, and I’ll kiss you at breakfast.” Callie’s smug grin was not lost on either of them as she wiggled away from Arizona’s grip and stood up. “Forty minutes until we leave. I’ll put on some coffee.”

Emitting a groan of resignation, Arizona sat up and blinked tiredly around Callie’s bedroom. All she wanted to do was crawl deep under the covers and wrap herself around her Callie-shaped body pillow before sleeping through the rest of the week. But since said body pillow had just walked out the door, a hot shower would be the next best thing.

As she climbed out of bed and grabbed one of her crutches, Arizona allowed the knowledge that it was her girlfriend doing the physical exam in an hour to comfort her. Otherwise the last thing in the world she wanted to do was to set foot back in that hospital wing and hear more bad news. She’d had enough of that to last a lifetime.

***

While Callie went to change into her scrubs, Arizona found the room she was booked in and put on the goofy looking hospital gown provided. She sat on the edge of the exam table, swinging her legs back and forth out of sheer boredom, and focused on the stiffness in her knee every time she fully extended it. The sensation had never really gone away and she had a feeling it was at least part of the reason her balance was still so poor. Yesterday’s episode hadn’t helped and now the joint was ballooning. She must have tweaked something when she fell.

The door opened and Arizona looked up as Callie slipped inside, closing it behind her. She shut the blinds to give them total privacy.

“Have I ever mentioned how hot you look in scrubs?” Arizona questioned, sweeping her eyes up and down Callie’s form. “Because you really do. It’s a little ridiculous.”

Callie grinned and shrugged off her lab coat, setting it aside and pushing up the sleeves of her undershirt. “Are you gonna flirt with me the whole time?”

“That depends,” Arizona said innocently. “Are you going to tell on me?”

“I don’t really want my boss knowing that I’ve bedded the VIP patient he trusted me with,” Callie mused, even as she allowed Arizona to tug her forward by her scrubs. She succumbed to a light, teasing kiss, if only for the dimple-popping smile it brought to her girlfriend’s face. “I’m a professional, Dr. Robbins. We aren’t here to play ‘doctor’.”

“Ooh,” Arizona exclaimed, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

Callie peeled the blonde’s hands away from her scrubs and set them carefully by her sides. “No. Behave.” She pointed a stern finger in Arizona’s face. “I know you and your methods of distraction very well by now. I want to get this done and I want to do it right.”

Pouting, Arizona reluctantly nodded. “Fine. What do we do first?”

Callie flipped through Arizona’s old chart, rereading her previous notes even though she had all but memorized them by now. “I’m going to take your stats, inspect your knee, and I’ve booked you for a CT scan upstairs just to be safe.” She looked up and saw worry in Arizona’s blue eyes. “It’s just a precaution. I’m being thorough. We’ll do your head and your abdomen, then get some fresh x-rays of your leg so I get the full picture of how things are looking six months later.”

“It’s been almost seven since it happened. It’s weird thinking about it.” Arizona frowned and glanced down at her leg, dismayed with the visible scarring and deformities that would never go away.

Callie watched her for a moment before setting the chart aside, stepping up to the table again and placing one hand on each of Arizona’s shoulders. “Don’t get so down on yourself. Seven months and four surgeries later, you’re doing great.”

Arizona just lifted a skeptical eyebrow. “Mm-hm. Really great,” she said sarcastically.

“Of the two of us, which one is the orthopedic surgeon?” Callie challenged, cocking a eyebrow. “You might have seen your fair share of ortho injuries in your job but I deal with long-term recoveries all the time. I’m telling you, you’re doing great. Today is just a standard check-up that I do with all of my patients in your situation.”

“I know,” Arizona said quietly, her bravado fading as her nervousness began to show through.

“If it’ll make you feel any better, I can get a neutral third party in here to do it instead,” Callie offered, squeezing Arizona’s shoulders. “I don’t want you thinking I’m making any of this up just to spare your feelings.”

Arizona shook her head immediately. “No, I don’t want anyone else. I want you to do it. Just promise me that you’ll be one-hundred percent honest, no matter what you find, okay?”

“I promise,” Callie replied. She wanted to give Arizona good news but she wouldn’t lie to her if something came up. That wasn’t what she needed right now.

Arizona’s gaze followed Callie around the room as she grabbed gloves, blood testing supplies and various other things they would be using. She sat up straight when instructed and couldn’t help but get a little distracted as Callie leaned closer to press the stethoscope to her chest.

It was hard to breathe deeply and keep herself steady when the woman listening to her heart beat smelled like dessert and was well within licking distance. Her eyes glued themselves to her favourite spot on Callie’s neck, figuring it was a safer bet than staring down her shirt and accidentally skewing the test results. Even so her mind began to wander, and thinking about attaching her lips to said neck didn’t exactly help slow her pulse back to normal.

After a moment of listening to Arizona’s heart increasingly pound away, Callie switched the stethoscope to her back, cracking a big smile. She received a sheepish grin in return. “You need to relax or this isn’t going to work.”

“Sorry,” Arizona chuckled, sucking in a deep breath and releasing it again. “I’m trying.”

Callie focused on the sounds of Arizona’s breathing, automatically dropping her eyes down her back. She could see the big scar marring her girlfriend’s skin through the opening in the gown and resisted the urge to reach out and touch it. This wasn’t the time or the place.

“Your lungs sound good.” Callie swung the stethoscope around her neck. “Heart beat is a little fast, but in this case I’m not too worried.”

Arizona winced. “I can’t help it if I think you’re hot.”

“Next time you go for any kind of appointment I’m going to be jealous,” Callie teased, writing a few things down on her patient’s chart.

“Lucky for you, I only make out with hot orthopedic surgeons in exam rooms. I’m not a total monster.” Arizona smiled when that earned her a laugh.

Next Callie drew some blood, packaging the vials to go upstairs for testing at the end of the exam. She completed the standard ear, nose and throat tests before wrapping the pressure pump around Arizona’s bicep. This time Arizona felt calmer, relaxing into the comfortable silence as Callie took her blood pressure twice.

“Your BP’s a little high,” Callie said when she was done, setting the equipment aside and making some notes in her chart.

“That’s probably your fault,” Arizona teased.

Callie didn’t look overly amused this time. “I think the amount of stress and anxiety you’ve been feeling has contributed. It could explain the nosebleeds and the migraines, and given what you told me about those dreams yesterday and the fact that you’ve had them over a period of months, it’s no wonder your body is going through the ringer.”

“I am _not_ taking anti-anxiety meds,” Arizona protested.

“I’m not saying you should,” Callie countered, lifting an eyebrow. “I still want you to get the head CT but I really think the most important thing we can do is figure out how to manage your…symptoms.”

“You mean talk to a shrink.”

Sighing, Callie fixed her with a look. “I’m saying it’s unhealthy to feel this way for long periods of time, Arizona. I’m not telling you to do anything. We’ll figure it out together, okay?”

Even talking about it made Arizona feel anxious, but she nodded anyway and watched as Callie pulled a rolling stool over to settle in front of her legs.

Arizona pulled the gown up to her thighs and let Callie gently manipulate her right leg, flashing back to the time she had her cast removed. In some ways she felt like she hadn’t progressed much farther beyond where she was back then.

Callie’s forehead scrunched in concentration as she felt around Arizona’s knee. “It’s pretty swollen after yesterday, huh?”

“It usually is after physical therapy or bearing weight for a couple of hours,” Arizona replied. “Some days are worse than others. The swelling goes down with rest and elevation.”

Since Callie only inspected Arizona’s knee a couple of times a week when she was allowed, she didn’t know how bad it got on a regular basis, but as of right now there was a fair amount of fluid build-up around the joint.

“The knee is the least of my problems,” Arizona said when Callie pointed out those concerns to her. “I’m really worried about muscle atrophy being worse than we thought. If it reaches a certain point I won’t be able to walk on my own again. I might already be there.”

Callie kneaded her fingers into Arizona’s calf, pausing only when the touch caused the blonde to cringe in discomfort. “I don’t think we’re at that point yet. You’ve been doing enough exercises that it should keep things from deteriorating too quickly from underuse.”

“Except it’s been weeks since the surgery and I can barely put any weight on it without pain or weakness,” Arizona argued. “You removed a lot of the damaged muscle to begin with. At this point I’m basically looking at life as Dr. House, or worse. With the degradation of what I have left this far into rehab–”

Callie rolled back a few inches on her stool and fixed Arizona with a stern look. “Stop that. You’re psyching yourself out.”

Arizona glanced away and tried not to fidget with the onset of nerves suddenly fluttering through her stomach. She had been trying not to think about the worst case scenario throughout all of this but now that they were back in an exam room, her worst fears came flooding back all at once.

With a sympathetic sigh, Callie took both of her girlfriend’s hands and squeezed them tightly. “You have a good diet, you do your exercises daily, and you _are_ getting stronger, even if you don’t see it. You’re an optimist and you wanted to be further along by now, but these things take _time_. I cannot stress that enough.”

Arizona slumped forward, deflated, but remained silent and allowed Callie’s ‘doctor’ voice to bring her some comfort.

“You have a fair amount of fluid build-up in your knee,” Callie continued patiently, “so I’m going to send you up to radiology for your CT and x-rays, and when you get back I’m going to drain it. That should help relieve the pressure and hopefully make physical therapy easier on you for the next week or so. We’ll keep an eye on it and if the swelling comes back then we’ll do it again. In the meantime, I’m going to request your physical therapist’s notes and recommend some changes to your routine.”

“Such as?”

“For starters, I think if we throw in some swimming it might help,” Callie suggested. “That’ll allow you to build muscle while having a low impact on the joint. If you’re up for it during the week and outside of your physio timeslot, we can start going before I head into work. There’s a pool on the other side of the neighbourhood that’s open by five a.m.”

While she liked swimming, the idea of wearing a bathing suit twisted Arizona’s stomach into knots. She used to love the water and swam competitively for a few years in high school, but that was before she got injured. Way, way before. She still didn’t go out of the house in anything less than full length pants these days.

Callie read Arizona’s expression and lifted one hand to cradle her cheek. “I really do think it’ll help,” she said honestly. “I don’t want to make you do something you’re uncomfortable with, but it is worth considering. It could make a huge difference in how we work on your conditioning, and if you’re in less pain because of it, then maybe you’ll sleep better at night.”

Arizona mustered up a brave smile and nodded for Callie’s sake. “Okay. I’ll think about it.”

“Great.” Callie clicked her pen shut and stuffed it back in her breast pocket. “Okay, I’m going to take you up to radiology and get a resident to bring you back down after. Then I’ll drain some of this nasty fluid, give you a cookie and send you on your way.”

“When will the results of the scans come in?” Arizona questioned as she pulled on a pair of yoga pants she had brought with her. Once her lower half was clothed, she slid into the wheelchair Callie brought over to the table.

“I think I can pull a few strings and get them within a day or two. We’ll go over them together.” Callie wheeled her towards the door. “Try not to worry so much. You’ll do great.”

Arizona sat in silence and didn’t mention the nausea swirling in her gut.


	10. Chapter 22

_June 10th, 2009_

 

“All I’m saying is that this might be an option worth considering,” Callie was saying in a low voice, directing her words to the woman perched across the kitchen counter on one of their stools. She was pouring their second refill of the night as they took a moment away from the others.

“Are you trying to get me drunk?” Arizona asked, ignoring the question as she watched the level of red wine pass the halfway mark of her glass.

Callie flashed her an amused smirk and only stopped when the bottle was empty. “Maybe. You did volunteer to join in with the crazy, remember? Getting drunk is an official part of it.”

The background noise rose and momentarily drew their attention to the living room. Teddy, Cristina, her friend Meredith Grey and Meredith’s sister, Lexie, had joined them for Callie and Cristina’s infamous game night. They were howling with laughter, induced by alcohol and a split-screen session of _Grand Theft Auto_.

Arizona was glad that the others were distracted because she knew Callie wouldn’t give up easily. “Can we not do this here, please?” she asked quietly, picking up her glass and taking a long sip.

Callie set the empty bottle aside and worked a corkscrew into another. She spared the hooligans in the living room a glance before focusing on Arizona. “That’s what you said earlier, remember? I really don’t want to drag this out into next week.” She tried to say it humorously but it came out sounding flat.

Arizona released an exasperated sigh. “Calliope…”

“It would only be a short-term solution,” Callie continued in a rush. “Plenty of people take these prescriptions and they can really help.”

“They also have more side effects than I’m willing to risk,” Arizona argued, lifting an eyebrow over the rim of her glass. “Try to understand; I’ve had enough drugs in my system to last me a lifetime. We’ll find another way.”

It was a subject that had them going in circles since eight o’clock the night before, when Callie had received Arizona’s test results back. She had analyzed them closely and found no problems beyond elevated blood pressure. There was no doubt in Callie’s mind that it was caused by Arizona’s stress levels. It was unhealthy for a person to feel that way for such a long period of time and she had tentatively suggested that Arizona consider taking lorazepam or some other kind of low-dosage anti-anxiety medication until they found a better solution. In Callie’s mind, she didn’t see Arizona’s situation truly getting better until she sought help in vanquishing her personal demons, but until then things could not keep going on like they had been.

Arizona, however, was vehemently against the idea of prescription drugs. Callie could respect her reasons why, but she was more concerned about the long-term effects on her body in the meantime. Stress could do some ugly things to a person when allowed to accumulate and Callie didn’t want to sit by and watch things get worse.

Coming out of her revere, Callie struggled with the corkscrew. “Look, your scans came back clean and you don’t have a brain tumour, which is great and everything, but you’re still getting migraines and nosebleeds and can’t sleep through the night.” The cork jerked out with a hollow ‘pop’ and she refilled her own glass, splashing wine around in her agitated state. “I could put you on antihypertensives for your BP but we both know that’s not going to solve the problem. I’m just _worried_ about you, okay? This isn’t something you can brush off like it’s no big deal.”

Despite her desire to drop the subject into the Puget Sound and let it sink, Arizona could see how worked up Callie was getting. She reached across the counter to take her hand as Callie set down the bottle. “I’ll be okay, I promise,” she said with a soft smile. “I’ve got you now, remember? You’ve already helped me feel better in three days than I’ve felt in the last six months.”

When Callie pursed her lips, Arizona squeezed her fingers reassuringly. This was one of the reasons she had kept everything to herself for so long; she felt guilty that Callie was losing sleep over her personal issues.

“No more worrying,” Arizona said firmly. “Tonight I just want to relax and meet your friends, not think about all of the other stuff going on. We can talk about this tomorrow, I promise.” She paused, waiting through a few seconds of terse silence. “Please? Just for tonight. I need a break from everything.”

Part of Callie wanted to argue, but the big doe-eyes Arizona was throwing her way were disarming. “Okay,” she agreed reluctantly, forcing out a weak smile. “You win. I’ll drop it.”

Arizona tugged on Callie’s arm, guiding her around the edge of the counter before pulling her up to the stool. “Thank you.” She tilted her head back and stole a small kiss, smiling when she felt some of the tension leave her girlfriend’s body.

Callie sighed into the kiss, knowing it would be impossible not to dwell on the subject, but she was willing to give Arizona the space that she needed. The woman deserved a night off after everything she had been through and Callie wasn’t about to force another hard discussion on her when she wasn’t ready.

“Gross,” Cristina called over, ruining the tender moment. “Stop making out. Bring us more popcorn.”

Arizona pulled back with a smirk, never taking her eyes off of Callie. “Shall we join them?” She toyed with the hem of the brunette’s t-shirt, letting it be known that she wouldn’t object to a private moment somewhere else instead.

Callie chuckled and took Arizona’s hand, helping her stand up and get situated on one of the new forearm crutches she had recently acquired. “I’ll take the booze, you take the food.”

Arizona carried the massive popcorn bowl in her left hand as she hobbled over to the group, setting it down before plunking into her spot on the couch. The food was instantly mauled by four sets of hands in a flurry of action.

Handing Arizona her wine and setting the crutch aside again, Callie settled onto the floor next to her legs, stretching her own out in front of her. Teddy occupied the other half of the couch and Cristina was sprawled across her favourite chair, while Meredith and Lexie were also seated on the carpet.

“Why are you picking up a hooker?” Teddy was asking Cristina, whose corner of the screen showed the exterior of a car with a scantily-clad woman getting in.

“It doses up your health,” Cristina replied. “Hookers and stuffing your face with chicken give you the energy to shoot things. I didn’t make the rules.”

Meredith glanced over. “But you’re losing money. The other districts have cheaper girls.”

Cristina’s smirk said it all. “Not if I kill the bitch after.”

Lexie looked horrified. “Ew. Think of all the STDs.” She recoiled when Cristina backed her car up over the on-screen prostitute. “This game is _horrible_. What is wrong with you two?”

“It’s glorifying violence and everything that’s wrong in the world,” Callie agreed. “But just wait until you get your hands on a rocket launcher. It’s wicked.”

Arizona laughed as the split-screen shenanigans between Cristina and Meredith continued. “So this is what you do with your free time? Video games and alcohol?” she asked her girlfriend.

Callie shrugged. “Pretty much. We’re basically over-aged college kids with better paying jobs.” Cristina crashed and blew up so Callie launched forward, setting her wine on the table. “Oh! My turn!” Snatching the controller away, she sat back against the base of the couch and trained her eyes on the TV.

“Don’t screw up my progress,” Cristina called out, reaching down to grab a slice of pizza from the box on the table.

“How can I mess with your progress?” Callie asked. She navigated her character over to yank an innocent bystander into the street and stole his car. “You just blew yourself up for fun. You haven’t made any progress.”

Lexie took a sip of her beer, still looking rather confused. “Wait, so...what’s the point of this? Besides having unprotected sex in the back of stolen vehicles and killing prostitutes.”

Callie grinned as she drove her car straight into a police cruiser, causing it to flip and roll off an embankment. “We have no clue,” she admitted. “We just blow shit up and run from the cops.”

Arizona glanced down at her. “You’re kind of twisted. It’s oddly attractive.”

“If zombies invade, I’m on Torres’ team,” Teddy announced, munching on a slice of pizza.

Arizona nudged Callie in the shoulder with her leg. “Me too.”

“Another hooker?” Lexie asked in disbelief, this time aiming it at her sister. “Ew, Mer. You’ll get herpes.”

“Lexie, it’s not real,” Meredith pointed out. “Besides, there’s no Cluckin’ Bell anywhere and I need more life so I can go blow up a tour bus.”

“Cluckin’ Bell?” Lexie echoed warily. “Is that like KFC with tacos or something?”

“Who knows,” Cristina chimed in. “But the kid behind the counter looks like George when he was sixteen.” Callie successfully blew up a police helicopter and Cristina pumped a fist in the air on her behalf. “Four wanted stars! Everybody drink!”

Laughter broke out among the three participants while Lexie just continued to look mystified. Like a group of teenagers, they all took a long drink from their respective beverages. Arizona shook her head in disbelief and followed suit. She couldn’t remember the last time she had done something like this. It was probably back in university when she was in her early twenties.

“I feel like I’m going to hell just by witnessing this,” Lexie pointed out, her words slightly slurred. She had tagged along because Mark was gone and she was depressed and lonely. Cristina and Meredith had practically been siphoning shots down her throat for the better part of an hour in an attempt to make her feel better.

Arizona shared a bemused grin with the younger resident. “Don’t worry, I’m not really into blowing people up with rocket launchers either.” She leaned forward and grabbed some popcorn. “It’s not nearly as fun as it looks when you’re on the other side.”

The room went quiet. Only some random bystander’s scream echoed from the television.

Arizona paused mid-chew. “Wow. Tough room. That was a joke.”

Meredith handed her controller to a smirking Cristina. “What was that like, anyway?” Meredith asked. “Being surrounded year-round by hot, sweaty men in uniform with lots of muscles and the tendency to do pushups?”

Arizona lifted an eyebrow. “I’m really not the person to be asking,” she pointed out, glancing at the woman by her feet.

“It had its perks,” Teddy chimed in.

“Maybe I should join the Navy,” Cristina said mildly, mashing buttons with increasing agitation as her character got shot at. “Torres! Some cover here, please?”

“I’m busy,” Callie said distractedly, focused on the game.

“You couldn’t join the Navy,” Meredith scolded. “You can’t even swim. And you hate dirty places.”

Callie snorted. “You’d never know it by looking at her bedroom.”

Cristina ignored her. “They don’t have four star hotels in Kandahar?”

Arizona gave her roommate a weird look. “That’s in Afghanistan. We were in Iraq.”

“Whatever,” Cristina shot back flippantly. “Give me a hot, muscular, shirtless man on my table and I’ll cut his heart open in the back of a dump truck for all I care.”

“You’d be surprised how intense it can be, Yang. Total culture shock my first week there,” Teddy said. “It’s not your grandmother’s OR. Sand, dirt, wind, thousand degree heat...”

“Plus you’re getting shot at and blown to pieces while trying to fix people,” Lexie said casually, only to realize her mistake a moment too late. “Oh!” A hand shot up to cover her mouth and she stared wide-eyed at Arizona. “I’m so sorry, that was totally insensitive of me.”

Callie stiffened next to Arizona’s legs but otherwise kept her eyes on the screen, listening closely to the exchange.

Arizona didn’t seem fazed. “It’s okay, really. I’m not that fragile.”

Lexie smiled sheepishly, even as her eyes automatically dropped down to Arizona’s legs. “Do you still...I mean, does it still hurt?”

“No, getting your leg blown to pieces feels like rainbows and sunshine,” Cristina quipped. “Do you ask all of your patients that, Little Grey? _‘Does it hurt?’_ ” She mockingly dropped her voice an octave.

Lexie blushed and glared at her. “No,” she said hotly, looking at her sister for defense, but Meredith just grinned and stuffed more popcorn into her mouth.

“It still hurts,” Arizona answered. She could feel Callie getting agitated by her feet, her overprotective instincts no doubt kicking in. “But luckily my surgeon is awesome and I stand a good chance of walking again.” She shot Callie a playful wink when the woman glanced up at her.

“I still can’t believe she pulled an Izzie,” Cristina said loudly. “Way to go, Torres.”

“Shut it, Yang,” Callie barked, her invisible hackles rising.

“Izzie?” Arizona asked for clarification.

“She fell for a patient, cut his LVAD wire, got cancer, married Alex and left town,” Meredith supplied.

“And before that she cheated with Callie’s ex-husband.” Cristina again, of course. Apparently she liked playing with fire when she was drunk, because judging by the look on Callie’s face, she was about to get murdered in more than just their video game.

Arizona rested a hand on the back of Callie’s neck and subtly stroked her fingers through soft hair. “Right, that Izzie.” She frowned, thinking back to Callie’s first date explanation of how Seattle Grace worked like an episode of _General Hospital_. “Wait, didn’t he die? The guy whose LVAD got cut? How did she marry him if he died?”

“No, that was Denny,” Meredith corrected. “Izzie’s brain tumour made her sleep with his ghost but then she got together with Alex. He’s an ass but a pretty good guy. I think he’s sleeping with Alyssa and Demi from the ER interns now.”

By this point Arizona just looked confused as she tried to sort out who was who and what some guy’s ghost had to do with anything. It was beginning to give her a headache.

Teddy wore a similar expression. “I know that place is a gossip mill, but is it always so...dramatic?”

“Work there long enough and you’re likely to get either pregnant, divorced, stalked, hit by a car, appendicitis or dead,” Meredith replied. “And the first two options have a fifty-percent chance of happening with Mark Sloan.”

Lexie sulked at the mention of her missing boyfriend and took another long, drawn-out drink.

“I think I prefer getting blown up,” Arizona chuckled. “It sounds less complicated.”

Lexie scrunched her forehead. “That must’ve been awful. What was it like?”

“I think you pretty much summed it up with ‘awful’,” Teddy said pointedly, shooting Arizona a careful look.

“New game, anyone?” Callie said loudly, an edge of annoyance in her voice. She was fuming on the inside. These idiots wouldn’t leave her girlfriend alone with the twenty questions and it was starting to get to her. She had specifically told them not to grill Arizona or she would personally make sure they all spent the next month in the Pit training interns.

Arizona appreciated Callie’s bodyguard tendencies but she was relieved to find that she was doing okay on her own. Maybe it was because they were all surgeons that she didn’t mind talking about her injury. She chalked it up to their professional curiosity, knowing that residents in North America didn’t exactly see a lot of explosive wounds, especially when it came to modern warfare weaponry.

“It’s okay, Callie,” Arizona said reassuringly, giving the brunette’s shoulder a light squeeze before looking at Lexie. “I don’t remember a whole lot in detail, to be honest. Just bits and pieces from the first few days, and snippets of information that other people have told me. I haven’t seen pictures of the initial aftermath yet but I’ve heard it was pretty gruesome.”

“I’m not sure that you want to,” Teddy said quietly, her expression darkening. She remembered that day all too well.

Arizona glanced at her and smiled. “Altman saved my life. I would’ve been long gone by the time outside help arrived if she hadn’t done damage control. While the tent was on fire, might I add. She’s a badass.” Teddy rolled her eyes and Arizona shoulder-bumped her playfully.

“You were there?” Lexie asked. “What do you even do in a situation like that?”

“Try not to panic,” Teddy replied. “When your best friend and everyone around you is hurt, it’s surprisingly easy to focus. Arizona’s the trauma surgeon, though. I usually focus on abdominal injuries when we get multiple incoming. It was pretty crazy. I didn’t even hear if she had lived or not until two full days later.” She shook her head at the horrible memories and took a long, drawn-out drink.

Callie was torn between barking at the others to stuff a sock in it and wanting to hear more on the subject. This was the most she had ever heard from Arizona about that day or about her experiences in Iraq beyond their general discussion the other night.

Arizona could tell that the conversation was starting to wear on Teddy, however; a subtle tension in her posture noticeable to anyone that knew her well. She was also guzzling down another full beer, a sure sign of distress, so Arizona jumped at the chance to move the conversation along.

“Anyway, that’s in the past,” she said. “I think we’re both pretty happy being back in a city that rains. I’m jealous that you’ve had the chance to work with some of the new laparoscopic arms Callie’s been telling me about. I would kill to try those puppies out.”

“We definitely didn’t have any of those in our tent,” Teddy agreed, setting aside her empty bottle and exchanging it for a new one.

Cristina haphazardly tossed the controller at her boss and reached for more pizza. “I think I’ll stick with a real hospital. Besides, trauma surgeons are all meatballers; cardiovascular work takes real talent and I’d have no one to learn from out there.” Callie shot her a sharp look which she promptly ignored. “You don’t do piggyback transplants in a sandbox.”

“Meatballers?” Arizona echoed, cocking a challenging eyebrow.

“Just saying,” Cristina mumbled, avoiding eye contact and watching the television. “Trauma surgeons like to slap things together. Everyone knows that.”

Arizona smirked, sharing a knowing look with Teddy. “Have you ever pulled a piece of shrapnel the size of your fingernail out from the inside of the pulmonary artery? Without severing it?”

Cristina frowned.

“Or have you ever seen someone that’s stepped on a landmine and umbrellaed both of their legs? You have thirty seconds to clamp the bleeding before they’re dead, if that.” Teddy cracked open another beer and kicked her feet up on the table next to Arizona’s. “Sometimes you have three or four soldiers with the same injuries and only two surgeons on hand to get to them before they hit the triangle of death.”

“I once removed three ribs and a lung from a guy that was inside of a vehicle when it hit an IED. He survived,” Arizona added. “I’m not saying he was super happy about it when he woke up, but he lived and went home to his family. If you have a ‘prettier’ way of doing those things, we’d love to hear it.”

Cristina slowly shifted her dumbfounded gaze from Meredith to Lexie and then over to Callie, who was smirking, before finally landing back on Arizona. “Uh. No,” she said quietly, trying to hide her disappointment. “But that’s not to say that I couldn’t kick ass if I was given the opportunity. I’d make those surgeries my bitch.”

“Maybe someday, Yang,” Teddy said with a laugh.

“Try doing it all in one-hundred-twenty degree heat with a fleet of helicopters flying overhead, while inside of a tent that smells like armpits and with sand falling out of crevices that you shouldn’t have sand in,” Arizona added. She heard Teddy snort beside her as she tipped her beer in agreement. “Do all of those things and do them better, and then you can call us meatballers.”

Teddy and Arizona clinked glasses.

Lexie looked giddy at someone showing up Cristina. She still harboured resentment over being her intern last year. “I can’t figure out if those surgeries sound amazing or terrifying.”

“Amazing,” Cristina said without hesitation. “Except for the armpit tent. Give me a climate-controlled OR any day.”

Arizona shook her head and polished off the remainder of her wine. “Wuss.” That gained some laughter from the others.

Callie looked up at her girlfriend with a sly grin. Hearing her verbally spar with Cristina and successfully put the younger resident in her place filled her with a sense of pride. Not many people could do that so easily. Arizona caught her spying and returned the smile, a playful sparkle in her eyes. Callie handed over the controller, letting Arizona have a turn and giving herself a chance to relax. “Here. Let’s see your moves.”

“C’mon, sailors,” Cristina jeered as Teddy and Arizona started a new game session. “If you can drive a tank, you can drive a virtual car.”

“Drive a tank?” Arizona burst out laughing. “What the heck do you think they let us do over there?”

“Submarine, whatever you navy folk do.”

“Gee, I must’ve skipped that day,” Teddy mused. She jumped right into the action, stealing a car and taking off with squealing tires. “C’mon, Robbins. First one to the edge of the city map gets to watch the other polish off that bottle of whisky.”

“This isn’t gonna end well,” Arizona grumbled to herself as she hammered on the acceleration button and accidentally drove into a lake.

***

The next hour went by in a flurry of video games, more pizza, and an endless supply of beer and wine being passed around. Cristina was also mixing shooters of something that would undoubtedly have the others hugging porcelain the next morning, but Arizona had made a point to stop drinking after her third - or was it fourth? - glass of wine. She had a good enough buzz going that she didn’t feel the need to make it worse, especially since it had been a very long time since she had consumed this much alcohol in one sitting.

The residents were another story. She made a note to call them a cab at the end of the night, and maybe try to convince the Greys to take Cristina home with them.

Cristina and Callie argued about what game to switch _Halo 3_ out for, during which time Teddy struggled to stand up from the couch, climbing over several sets of legs before staggering down the back hall to use the facilities. Arizona followed her with her eyes, worry lines creasing her forehead until more weight flopped down to her right.

Callie was half grinning, half frowning at her, somehow making the two activities possible at once. “Everything okay? Are you having fun?”

Arizona nodded, pretending it wasn’t the fourth time that Callie had asked her that evening. “Yes, actually, I’m having a blast.” She peered down the back hall briefly. “I think Teddy’s kind of bummed, though. She’s had a rough week and dragging up the past was probably a bad idea on my part.”

Callie’s frown deepened and she played with a lock of Arizona’s hair around her finger. “Is everything okay?” she repeated, her eyes slightly fuzzy as she tried harder to focus. “Bad work stuff?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” Arizona said with a quick nod, keeping her voice low. The others had split in different directions for a bathroom break, leaving them alone for at least thirty seconds, but she still didn’t want to be overheard.

“She heard from some military friends a few days ago and sometimes it’s hard to relive the stuff we went through. But she’ll be fine. That’s why I brought her along tonight, I thought she could use a pick-me-up.”

Callie reached over and plucked away the pretzel her girlfriend was just about to munch on. “You’re a good friend,” she stated, leaning in to replace the pretzel with her lips.

Arizona sighed happily, spending a moment gazing into Callie’s beautiful brown eyes when they parted. She didn’t need two litres of wine coursing through her system to feel lightheaded. “And you’re an even better girlfriend,” she replied earnestly. She really didn’t know what she had done to deserve someone so patient and kind, but she would be forever grateful for the chance to feel happy again.

With her gentle smile slowly morphing into something more mischievous, Callie was just starting to scoot her body closer to Arizona when a solid form suddenly plunked down between them, effectively wedging them apart.

“Cristina!” Callie snapped, steaming practically pouring out of her ears as she was forced to the side.

Cristina ignored the fact that she had just sat on them both and blindly handed Callie a controller, stealing the pretzel her roommate had taken from Arizona and shoving it into her mouth. “Game on, Torres. We’re gonna double team this loser online once and for all.”

Callie was still glowering at her vagina-blocking roommate and snatched the controller up in a huff. “Fine. But I swear to god, Yang, if you get me killed again, I will assassinate you myself.”

“I don’t think you’re supposed to tell the person you’re assassinating that you’re assassinating them,” Arizona pointed out helpfully, sipping some water with a slight pout on her lips. “Technically it’s not an assassination if they see it coming.”

Callie shot a side glance at her girlfriend. “Close your mouth and drink more wine. You haven’t gotten to the dancing-on-tables stage of being drunk yet and I want to see that.”

Arizona cocked an eyebrow. “I’ve never been drunk enough to dance on tables.”

“You will be,” Cristina stated as she loaded their last _Call of Duty 4_ game session.

“Hello, bum leg, remember?” Arizona added. “The best I could manage is an incredibly awkward faceplant.”

Meredith and Lexie came back into the room at that point and collapsed at the foot of the couch, officially making it a little too crowded for Arizona’s taste. She handed off her spot to Lexie and struggled to her feet, grabbing the forearm crutch leaning up against the table.

Once in the kitchen, she took a moment to tidy a few things up, putting excess wrappers and napkins in the garbage and gathering the empty pizza boxes for recycling. The few dishes that couldn’t go into their dishwasher were loaded into the sink that she filled halfway with soapy water. Her eyes occasionally flickered towards Callie, who looked like she was having a ball. One of Arizona’s favourite things to do these days was to watch Callie when she wasn’t paying attention; she was so radiant and beautiful that it took Arizona’s breath away. She had never been with someone that was so open and free-spirited before. It was refreshing. And Callie had a _killer_ smile to boot.

“You really are OCD, aren’t you?” Teddy announced as she appeared in the kitchen, wearing a cheeky grin as she grabbed a clean towel and started to dry the items Arizona had washed. “You and your mom are the same person some days.”

Arizona grimaced. “I’ll remember you said that,” she shot back.

They spent a moment in silence watching the others bicker over what level to play, during which time Teddy marveled at how enthralled Arizona seemed with Callie. When her friend wasn’t looking at the brunette, she was biting back a smile and staring much too hard into the bubbly water to be thinking about dishes.

“You have the willpower of an ox, Robbins,” Teddy chuckled, shaking her head in disbelief.

Arizona quickly looked up, perplexed. “Huh?”

Teddy nodded at Callie without taking her eyes away from Arizona. “I’m just saying, if it were me and I looked at some guy the way you look at Torres...I’d have hit that by now.” She figured there was no point in sugar coating it.

Arizona immediately blushed and flicked some soapy dish water at Teddy’s face. “Really? You sound like one of the those apes we used to work with. There are things in life other than sex, Theodora.”

Teddy cringed at the use of her full name. “Whatever. I still think you’re a Saint or a secret nun or something.” She was only teasing, well aware of her best friend’s hesitancies when it came to intimacy, but there was no doubt in her mind that they would be short lived. Arizona had never exactly been shy when it came to sharing stories about her conquests pre-injury, and Callie was so much more than that.

“So, are you having a good night?” Arizona said quickly, taking a leaf from Callie’s booklet in a desperate attempt to change the subject. When she received silence in return, she shot a worried look at Teddy, noting the unfocused look in her eyes. “Teddy?”

“Hm?” Teddy blinked and looked back. “What? Oh, yeah, sorry,” she said, shaking her head. “Yeah, tonight’s great. Thank you for inviting me.”

Arizona nodded, keeping her expression carefully neutral. “I’m glad you came, this is fun. And, y’know, I figured you could use some after you talked to Owen, so...”

Teddy set aside a dry wine glass and took the clean beer mug passed her way, rubbing it with the towel. “Very sneaky. I see how you did that.”

Arizona made a face and momentarily set the wash cloth down. “C’mon, I’m just curious. You’ve been getting these far off ‘looks’ ever since he called and I want to know if I’m gonna have to fly back over there and beat him with a cane. Or a crutch. Or the butt-end of an M4. Whatever’s handy.”

Teddy snickered and rolled her eyes. “Oh, you know how it goes. I worry about him, he tells me about everything going on, I worry some more. He seemed okay. Didn’t really say much about his plans after his tour is up.”

“Just as long as that ship has sailed,” Arizona said lightly. “Somewhere far, far away from here. Because if it comes anywhere near you or Seattle, I will go after him with my cannons a-blazin’.”

Teddy just looked amused. “And here I thought you two got along famously.”

“Oh, Owen’s great,” Arizona said perkily, returning her eyes to the shrinking pile of dishes. “But if he makes you cry one more time, he’s a dead man.”

In the living room, someone cranked up the volume on the television, suddenly amplifying the sounds of gunfire and shouting. Arizona and Teddy both looked up, startled, the irony of the timing not lost on either of them.

“And just when you thought you’d never hear that again,” Teddy said humorlessly. Her eyes dropped to the sink, detecting just the hint of a shake in Arizona’s hands. “You okay?”

“Peachy,” Arizona said with a quick smile. She was caught off-guard by the bombardment of noise. It was probably just the wine going to her head, but the familiar sounds made her uncomfortable, even if it was just a video game. Talking about their past was one thing, but Arizona wasn’t exactly keen on reliving it.

Teddy decided to continue as a distraction for them both and raised her voice enough so Arizona could still hear her. “He was discussing a trip to Vegas with his unit once they get discharged,” she continued. “He asked if I could convince you and some of the Marines to tag along.”

“Vegas isn’t really my thing,” Arizona admitted, not really wanting to discuss her other reasons for declining the invitation. The idea of seeing people from that part of her life again made her fidgety; she wasn’t anywhere near ready for that. Right now she was quite content with civilian life, even if it was starting to get a little boring during the day while her girlfriend was at work.

“Nick will probably be there,” Teddy prodded.

Arizona paused mid-wash, the glass in her hand still covered with a layer of soap. “That’s good. I’m sure he could use the break, too.”

Teddy pursed her lips and studied her friend closely. “Are you ever gonna call him? I know he wants to see you. He was going to fly to Seattle during his last leave, but you were having surgery again and I told him it wasn’t a good idea.”

“Yeah, of course I’m going to,” Arizona said in a rush. “Just not yet. Not until...” She hesitated, fumbling for an excuse. Until what? Until she stopped freaking out at loud noises and dreaming about the boy who killed himself in front of her? For all she knew, this was as good as she was ever going to get, mentally and physically. While she couldn’t imagine never seeing Nick again, she also couldn’t stand the thought of seeing pity in his eyes when he looked at her. It was bad enough after Tim had died, but at least back then they had both been suffering. She didn’t want him to see what a disaster she was now.

Aware that she had been silent just a little bit longer than was necessary, Arizona cleared her throat and continued washing. “I will, okay? Once everything here calms down.”

Teddy didn’t point out that Arizona’s life couldn’t be more calm at the moment. She knew the other woman’s desire to keep her two lives separate made sense on paper; she just didn’t understand why she was including her childhood best friend on that list.

“He’ll be home for good in a couple of months,” Teddy added after a brief silence passed. “I’m sure he’d be more than willing to visit Seattle. You know Army boys; they like the rain.”

Arizona closed her eyes as noise from the television rose again, making it even harder to collect her thoughts. Once upon a time it would have rolled off of her shoulders and been a non-issue, but with thoughts of Nick and Owen and the day she nearly lost her leg floating through her mind, sounds of gunfire and explosions were making her bristle. Leave it to her stupid brain to turn what had been a good night thus far into another bout of stomach-twisting nausea at the drop of a hat.

Or maybe that was just the mixture of wine and shooters she had been guzzling down. That was a much less pathetic excuse.

“Arizona?”

She opened her eyes and blinked at Teddy, producing a tight smile before glancing over at the television. She didn’t know who was playing, but it was close-quarters combat and the split-screen characters were charging in and out of houses along a narrow street. Someone rounded a corner and the face of an opposing player filled their screen. The person sitting on their couch pulled the trigger and blew a hole in their head. To Arizona’s dismay, it was Callie who raised her arms and let out a whoop of triumph.

She pictured it being Jimmy Bensmiller again; the young private who chose to end his life after being forced to shoot two Iraqi children in self-defense. Not for the first time, she wondered how his mother was holding up. Arizona had always liked his family. She wished she had been able to attend his funeral, but at the time it was too much of a reminder of Tim.

Suddenly feeling dizzy on her feet, Arizona dropped the final glass she was washing into the sink and fumbled for her crutch. “I have to pee,” she told Teddy, avoiding eye contact as she stumbled around her, feeling increasingly nauseous.

It registered on Teddy’s face, that look of concerned sympathy – the exact one that Arizona didn’t want to see on Nick or anyone else she knew from her past life. It wasn’t really their fault; if roles were reversed, Arizona knew she probably would have felt the same. She was just really sick and tired of people feeling sorry for her.

Once inside the bathroom, she shut the door and stumbled to the floor. The crutch clattered down beside her and Arizona pulled the toilet seat up, squeezing her eyes shut.

The last time she had thrown up when alcohol was involved, she had probably been in her early twenties. It usually took a lot more than this to make her feel sick. Considering that the others had consumed more than twice what she had, it made her feel kind of pathetic.

At least it wasn’t another panic attack, though. That was a bonus. She was fairly certain she wouldn’t have felt this bad had she been sober. But the booze, combined with the sudden and unexpected reality check - for lack of a better explanation - made her sick to her stomach. It took a lot of willpower not to throw up everything she had consumed right then and there.

The initial wave of nausea passed, allowing Arizona to sit back and breathe deeply. A dull ache in her knee was starting to rise up, brought on by kneeling on the cold tile, but at least it provided a distraction. She didn’t feel like reliving her dinner of pizza, popcorn and pretzels all over again. Once was more than enough.

When she was sure she wouldn’t start spewing in all directions, Arizona scooted back against the edge of the tub. She stretched her bad leg out in front of her and pulled the other knee up to rest her forehead against it, taking in deep gulps of air.

She tried not to think about the things she had seen over the last three years. They haunted her in her sleep often enough that she didn’t feel like dwelling on them in her waking hours, too. When the nightmares were really bad, she didn’t remember them, but there were other times when incidents from the past would creep up and catch her by surprise, and she could picture them clearly without trying.

Triggering them with small talk about army friends and video games seemed all too bizarre to her. People died over there under horrific circumstances that you just wouldn’t see in an emergency room in the middle of Seattle. She couldn’t stop picturing the look on the young private’s face before he took his life in front of her. He shouldn’t have died; she could have taken his pistol when she got to him and prevented it from happening. He was way too young.

They always were.

Not for the first time, Arizona wondered what her brother must have looked like after his vehicle drove over an IED and he bled out on the side of the road. She wondered if he still had his legs when he died. No one had told her and she had never asked for the details.

The nausea returned full force and Arizona barely managed to scramble forward in time. She retched into the toilet, by some miracle not emptying the entire contents of her stomach in one breath. Tears burned in her eyes as she held back the urge to do it again, knowing she wouldn’t be able to stop until the rest of the booze came back up.

***

The commotion going on around her kept Callie preoccupied and it wasn’t until she felt a hand on her shoulder that she looked up from the television.

Teddy stood behind the couch looking anxious. “Torres, you might want to check on her.”

“Hm?” Callie looked confused, and only after she glimpsed her surroundings did she notice that Arizona was missing. Immediately concerned, she handed her controller off to Meredith and leapt over the back of the couch.

“She’s in the bathroom,” Teddy said lightly, casting a wary look at the television.

“Crap,” Callie sighed, figuring that Arizona was probably tossing her cookies. Padding down the back hall, away from the noise, she leaned in and pressed her ear to the door. When there was no sound, she knocked. “Arizona?” Still nothing. “Are you okay in there?”

Becoming worried at the lack of a response, Callie put her hand on the doorknob when a loud, explosive noise burst out from the TV. She had just turned her head and shouted at the others to turn it down when an icy cold realization flooded through her.

 _Fuck_.

“Arizona, I’m coming in,” she announced, keeping her voice relatively low so as to not alert the others. She twisted the knob and stepped inside, her heart immediately plummeting at what she saw.

Arizona was sitting back against the tub again, resting her forehead on her left knee, and she looked almost as shaky and pale as Callie had seen her that day at the pier.

Callie immediately closed the door behind her and rushed to kneel at her girlfriend’s side, relieved when the blonde raised her head and acknowledged her with a weak smile. It meant that she hadn’t shut down completely.

“Are you okay?” Callie murmured quietly, afraid to ask. She reached out and brushed a few strands of damp hair away from Arizona’s forehead, tucking them behind her ear before tracing a thumb along her temple.

Arizona managed to look sheepish as the corner of her mouth twitched up in a weak smile. “Yeah. I think I drank too much,” she replied in a shaky voice. “I’m okay.”

Callie swallowed thickly and glanced behind her at the door, then back at her girlfriend. “I am _so_ sorry, baby, I-I should have known not to...I should’ve known better. It’s my fault, I didn’t think-”

“Don’t be silly,” Arizona chastised, her voice still hoarse. “It’s just a game. It doesn’t mean anything.”

Callie didn’t buy it for a second. “I should have used my brain before suggesting that we play it. I was stupid and didn’t think of you or Teddy.” She wanted to kick herself in the face right now, she was so furious. After all they had been through in the last few months, it should have been obvious that a violent war game wasn’t the best choice for entertainment. She was such an asshole.

“It’s just a video game,” Arizona repeated, licking her lips. “I shouldn’t be such a mental case about it.”

“You aren’t,” Callie said heatedly, taking Arizona’s hands in her own and squeezing them firmly. “I can’t imagine the kinds of horrible memories it must drag up. I’m _so_ sorry.” She felt nauseous too, though it had everything to do with the guilt churning in her gut and not the drinks she had consumed. It was surprising how utterly stone-cold sober she felt right now.

Arizona was still quivering and for a moment she closed her eyes, worried that she would ruin the illusion of her iron will and upchuck in front of Callie. Not only was she mortified that the brunette got to see her in yet another vulnerable state, but she didn’t think she could handle puking in front of her this soon into their relationship. There was a line and she really didn’t want to cross it.

“I swear I’m usually more normal than this,” Arizona said with a flat attempt at being funny. “There were way less freak outs and panic attacks a year ago. I could even watch a whole movie without falling asleep on top of you. You’d have been impressed.”

Callie chuckled despite the sorrow she felt, seeing the woman she cared for looking so defeated. She slid in beside Arizona and pulled her close, glad when the woman willingly curled up against her side instead of fighting it. “Can I do something? Anything?” she asked, feeling utterly helpless. If she was responsible for throwing her partner back into the depths of her dark headspace, she would never forgive herself. Things had just finally started to look up again.

“I’m okay,” Arizona repeated, closing her eyes. “Still a bit nauseous. It’s really not your fault, I just haven’t drank this much since I got hurt. Back in the day I could drink any Marine under the table, so go figure.”

Callie pursed her lips but remained silent, squeezing Arizona’s shoulders and gently rubbing a hand up and down her arm. She understood Arizona’s desperate attempts to claim that it was just the booze, but she knew it went beyond that. She recognized the haunted look in those blue eyes all too well by now. She only wished that she had clued in sooner, before the noise and the violence had sent her girlfriend scrambling for cover.

“I don’t know if I can keep doing this,” Arizona said quietly, breaking the silence. Callie felt a cold shot of fear rush through her, wondering in what capacity the statement was meant.

“It’s exhausting,” Arizona continued, swallowing hard and nuzzling her cheek into Callie’s shoulder. “I just want to go back to how I was before.”

“You’ll get there,” Callie said reassuringly. “It’ll take time, but you will. Or you’ll get to a place where things don’t hurt so much anymore.”

“I wish I knew for sure.”

Arizona’s voice was so sad and defeated that it broke Callie’s heart. Callie wanted to tell her that in some capacity she knew it was true; that the pain and heartbreak of a traumatic event could heal over time. But sharing her own past experiences risked turning it into a conversation about herself, which wasn’t what she wanted right now, so she kept quiet.

“It’ll get better,” Callie said instead. “And you don’t have to do it alone. I’m going to keep reminding you of that.”

Arizona fell silent and allowed herself to relax into her girlfriend’s side. Eventually the shaking stopped and her temperature returned to a more comfortable state, though it left her feeling cold and clammy.

When enough time had passed and she was sure she wouldn’t throw up a third time, Arizona finally lifted her head and looked awkwardly away from Callie’s questioning gaze. “I’m kind of mortified at how bad my breath is right now,” she said sheepishly.

That made Callie smile. “I don’t care,” she replied, leaning closer.

Arizona lifted a hand and pushed her fingers into Callie’s lips, politely steering her head in the other direction. “No, seriously, Calliope. It’s bad on a whole new scale of the word. I really need to wash up.”

Easing forward from the tub, Callie helped Arizona to her feet, thankful that their combined lack of balance didn’t send them both tumbling back into the shower. She helped her walk the few steps over to the sink, keeping an arm wrapped around her waist for balance as Arizona brushed her teeth and gargled some mouthwash. Callie could tell that she was trying really hard to act coordinated, but every once in awhile Arizona’s hand would slip and nearly send the toothbrush up her nose.

It served to make them both laugh, even though the action was much more diluted than it would have been without the preceding heavy conversation. Even so, Callie could see just how utterly exhausted Arizona was. She felt guilty for being part of that reason. She still couldn’t believe her utter stupidity for playing a violent game that glorified war in the presence of two people that had lived through it. The Catholic part of her was screaming for some sort of self-flagellation in return. She deserved that and more as far as she was concerned.

Once Arizona was washed up, Callie situated her on the crutch and nodded at the door. “C’mon. You can change in my room while I get rid of the others. It’ll only take me a minute.”

Arizona immediately shook her head, regretting it as the action made her dizzy. “No, really, I’ll be fine. You have fun with your friends; I’m not going to ruin your night, too.”

“You are not ruining my night,” Callie argued. “I’m totally content to just curl up in bed and pass out. I’ve got a bottle of aspirin in the nightstand for tomorrow and I’ll make sure I grab a pitcher of water to go along with it.”

Callie’s natural assumption of their shared accommodation made Arizona smile, but it also made her feel even guiltier for what she was about to say. “Actually, um, I think I’m just going to...I-I’m gonna sleep in my room tonight,” she said slowly.

Callie furrowed her brow and looked taken back. “Oh, okay. Yeah, o-of course, that makes sense.”

“It’s not you,” Arizona said in a hurry. “Really, it’s just...I’m not feeling great and after everything, I think I just need to clear my head.” The disappointment on her girlfriend’s face made her feel even guiltier. She reached out to tug affectionately on the front of Callie’s shirt. “Are you mad?”

Callie’s expression immediately softened, not wanting Arizona to get the wrong idea. “No,” she said firmly, pulling the blonde into her arms and pressing a soft kiss to her temple. “Of course I’m not mad. I just need to know that you’ll be okay.”

“More than okay,” Arizona replied, even if ‘more than’ was probably overstating it. She would be fine, she just needed to be alone in her room to get her head on straight again without worrying about whether Callie was worrying or not. She didn’t have the energy to put on a brave face.

“Go play with your friends.” Arizona pulled away from the embrace and allowed herself to capture her girlfriend’s lips in a brief kiss now that her teeth were brushed and her mouth sanitized. “I’ll see you and that bottle of aspirin in the morning. Or possibly tomorrow afternoon, depending on how things go.”

“I think you drank enough water to flood the Sahara; you’ll be okay,” Callie chuckled, rubbing both hands up and down Arizona’s arms. “If you need anything, just holler or bang a crutch on the wall. Or call my cellphone if you don’t want to get up. I’ll leave it on my nightstand.” She was notorious for passing out cold and needing a giant earthquake to wake her up when she drank, and she worried about not hearing Arizona’s distress call if one was made. Tonight she had kept herself relatively in check, though, so hopefully she would be okay.

Knowing more reassurances wouldn’t serve to actually reassure, Arizona just nodded in confirmation. “Okay.”

“Can I help you to your room?” Callie asked tentatively.

“Actually, I’m going to take a minute in here. You go ahead.” Arizona saw another frown forming on her girlfriend’s face and quirked a tiny grin. “I have to pee.”

“Oh.” Callie blushed and looked sheepish. “Right, sorry. I’ll leave you to it.” She pulled open the bathroom door again but hesitated in actually leaving. “I really am sorry, Arizona. About everything.”

“I’m going to start throwing things the next time ‘I’m sorry’ comes out of your mouth,” Arizona teased. “I had a great night, Calliope. Thank you.”

Callie managed to smile. “Goodnight.”

Arizona returned it. “Night.”

The door swung closed behind Callie and the expression immediately fell from Arizona’s face. She sagged forward against the sink and let out a long breath that she felt like she had been holding throughout the entire conversation. Turning the water on again, she waited until it got cold before splashing a few handfuls onto her face. The frigid temperature helped clear her mind a little bit but not as much as she was hoping for. She decided to shower before retreating to her room; she couldn’t stand falling asleep all sweaty and gross.

No part of her blamed Callie for her own drastic change in mood; Arizona just couldn’t handle ruining yet another one of their plans because her mind and her body wouldn’t cooperate. With something as simple as a video game, it seemed too absurd that it would drag up all of the things she had spent the last few days trying to squash down again. She made a pact not to drink again until her issues were squared away, because she would lose her mind if this didn’t stop happening to her every time she tried to be happy.

Arizona stood up straight and grabbed a clean towel from the rack next to the sink, dabbing the water off of her face before staring hard into the mirror. Her eyes looked sunken and there were dark ovals beneath them. If it were even possible, she looked paler than she normally did. Arizona argued with herself that it could be attractive - _’y’know, if Callie were into that whole ‘Corpse Bride’ look,’_ she thought to herself.

The angle between the mirror and the door was such that, from where she was standing, she didn’t see that it had been left open a crack. Callie stood at arm’s length on the other side, peering through the small space and seeing the heavy look in her girlfriend’s reflection. She was at a total loss and didn’t know what to do, because Arizona clearly didn’t want her help tonight, but it made her sick to her stomach thinking about leaving her alone again. What if this incident made her have another nightmare?

But she had fucked up enough for one night; she wasn’t about to blow this newly developed trust between her and Arizona just because she didn’t know when to stop hovering. Sooner or later she would drive the blonde crazy and she knew it. That didn’t mean she had to like learning when to walk away, though. It was too hard.

“Torres?”

It was Teddy’s voice from the end of the hall that dragged Callie from her thoughts. Not wanting Arizona to know that she was spying in case she walked out, she hurriedly stepped away and headed towards the main room. She could see the concern in Teddy’s eyes and tried to alleviate it with a forced smile.

“She’s okay; she’s just washing up and then going to bed.” Callie paused next to Teddy and glanced in the direction of the three residents on her couch. “I’m going to give them ten minutes so they don’t think it was Arizona’s fault, then I’m telling them to clear out.”

“Not a bad idea,” Teddy replied. “I can stick around long enough to help clean up if you want.”

“Nah, I’m just going to leave it for tomorrow,” Callie said with a deep sigh. “Too tired. We should probably call a cab for these punks, though.”

“That I can do.” Teddy pulled out her cellphone and stepped away to make the call.

When she heard the shower start up in the bathroom, Callie forced herself into the kitchen and started putting away whatever food was left out in the open; anything she could do to keep from running back in there and demolishing the trust Arizona had only just started building in her.

***

By the time Callie collapsed into bed forty-five minutes later, she was completely knackered. Arizona’s door was closed and her light was off when she checked, and despite the urge to peer inside and make sure she was sleeping soundly, Callie left her alone. She would just have to trust that Arizona would tell her the next day if something was still wrong. She liked to think they had come that far together.

That thought didn’t help Callie fall asleep, however. She alternated between lying on her back and sprawling flat on her stomach, desperate to find some sort of comfortable position that would let her rest until morning. Her overactive imagination refused to let that happen.

She could only hope that Arizona was already out cold across the hall and that no more nightmarish visions were haunting her mind.

Ironically, that night it was Callie who awoke with a start.


	11. Chapter 23

Callie awoke disoriented and confused, soaked in a cold sweat that tangled the blankets around her legs and glued her t-shirt to her chest. The room was pitch black and filled with the sound of her own heavy breathing. It took her a moment to get her bearings and remember why she had woken in the first place.

As she sat up, some of the finer details began to fade away, leaving behind a sense of dread that lodged itself square in the centre of her chest.

_It was only a dream._ She pinched the bridge of her nose, drilling the reminder into her brain.

Parts of it were beginning to blur but she remembered being alone in the apartment, calling out Arizona’s name and getting only silence in return. Worried about the previous night’s events, she walked into the third bedroom only to find it empty. Not just of Arizona herself, but of all her belongings, the furniture – anything that made the room look like someone had ever lived there. It was empty and bare, and so cold it would have raised goosebumps on her skin if it had been real.

Callie squeezed her eyes shut and tried to chase away the mental slideshow, pressing the heels of her palms into her face as she fell back against the pillow with a groan.

~

_The sound of running water attracted her attention from down the hall and, all of a sudden, icicles permeated her veins. Her legs refused to work properly as she stumbled toward the bathroom, struggling to say Arizona’s name, only to find that her voice had disappeared completely. She fell into the doorframe and lifted an arm as heavy as a brick of cement, **trying** to push it open–_

~

Callie jerked awake again, blinking rapidly to try and curb her mind’s desire to finish where it had left off. Her heart pounded in a steady rhythm as a scattering of dark thoughts buzzed around her head, making her feel just the slightest bit nauseous.

She seldom remembered her dreams, good or bad, but there were certain details of this one that refused to leave her alone. She hadn’t seen anything beyond her outstretched hand and the door in front of her, but she _knew_ what was waiting for her behind it. The knowing had been just as bad as seeing it for herself.

Groaning, Callie sat up a second time and swung her legs over the side of the bed. It would be impossible to fall back to sleep with those horrible thoughts swimming around, waiting to pounce on her the moment she closed her eyes.

Right now all she wanted to do was check on her girlfriend, even though she knew it would be inconsiderate to wake her up in the middle of the night. Arizona had much more pressing things to worry about these days than some stupid, baseless thoughts running around Callie’s head unchecked. These were _her_ insecurities, not Arizona’s. There was no reason to think that she could ever really–

 

_Except in her dream, she knew what she would find inside of that bathroom if she looked. She had cried out Arizona’s name and wept for the unbearable loss that began to trickle its way through her, eventually sending her to knees as a wail of despair rose from her lips._

 

This time Callie was unable to quell her protective instincts and found herself stumbling around the bed and out into the hall, clad in only a t-shirt and her underwear. It was dark and she stubbed her toe on something, ignoring the throb in her foot as she paused just outside of Arizona’s door. She leaned in and listened for signs of life.

Nothing.

Which didn’t mean anything, other than Arizona was sleeping like any normal person would be at this time of night. Callie hadn’t actually checked the time, but she knew it had to be really late. Or possibly early.

She closed her eyes and rested her forehead against the cool surface of the door. She was yearning to be near Arizona again; not only because of the dream, but because of the guilt eating away at her from the incident earlier that day. She had been so stupid that she could hardly believe she was allowed to call herself a doctor. Who on earth wouldn’t think twice before subjecting someone with war-related PTSD to simulated violence of the same nature? Seriously, who did that? Certainly not someone with medical training and a brain in their head. Clearly she had been missing the latter after consuming a few too many beers. The guilt was strong enough to make Callie rethink ever drinking again.

Her hand closed around the doorknob and she carefully pushed it open, staring into the blackness beyond. The curtains over the far window prevented any outside light from helping her eyes adjust, and for the longest fifteen seconds of her life, she began to wonder if the room was as empty as it had been in her nightmare.

The outline of a bed and the lump of blankets on top slowly began to take form. Eventually Callie could make out the shape of a person strewn amongst them and she breathed a temporary sigh of relief. Arizona was right where she was supposed to be, sound asleep and completely undisturbed. Any sane person would have backed out and let her be, but Callie couldn’t let go of the need to make sure she was still breathing.

Caught in her own indecisiveness, she stayed there, watching Arizona sleep for a few minutes. She was able to come up with a million different reasons to turn around and go back to bed, and very few logical ones to stay. Just because she was afraid of something happening didn’t mean that it would manifest itself in reality; least of all here, least of all tonight.

But the idea of leaving brought back that tight ball of stress in her stomach, so Callie resigned herself to leaning against the door frame instead. She felt like a bit of a creep and wondered if Arizona would be weirded out if she knew. She just needed a minute before she tried going back to bed.

Arizona was out cold, sprawled on her stomach with the blankets resting midway up her back. She looked peaceful from what Callie could see in the dark; no traces of anguish or nightmares were visible from where she stood. She could only hope that there was starting to be more good nights than bad. Arizona hadn’t talked about any significant nightmares for about a week, although Callie still got the feeling that she kept some of them to herself.

More than anything, she wished that they could trade places. Even if it was just for one day, Callie would have gladly taken on everything Arizona was going through if it allowed her to get some peace and quiet. She hated being so damn useless all the time. Standing by and watching someone she cared about go through flashbacks and sickness was the worst kind of helplessness she had ever felt.

About five minutes passed before the rustling of sheets interrupted her train of thought. She stiffened and prepared to leave before she was discovered, only to have Arizona’s hoarse voice stop her in her tracks.

“Calliope?” Arizona propped herself up, blinking sleep from her eyes as she cast a look over her shoulder at the shadow in the doorway. It might have alarmed her if she hadn’t immediately recognized the familiar stance Callie took when she was deep in thought about something.

Callie cursed inwardly and stepped inside the bedroom, shutting the door so the dim light from the hallway wouldn’t bother the half asleep woman in front of her. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“Is everything okay?”

Arizona’s sleepy voice was undoubtedly the sexiest thing that Callie had ever heard, but she still felt like a jackass for waking her up in the first place. “Yeah, everything’s fine. Go back to sleep.”

Arizona stifled a big yawn and rolled onto her side. “C’mere.”

Callie padded sheepishly across the room and sat on the edge of the mattress, reaching out to place a hand on the curve of her girlfriend’s hip. “I’m really sorry. I couldn’t sleep and wanted to check on you after everything that happened tonight.”

Arizona shifted again, still tangled beneath the covers, and dropped her head onto the pillow. Every bone in her body was aching with protest at being awake, but something in Callie’s voice kept her from falling back under.

“Why couldn’t you sleep?” she asked, peering through the darkness. She couldn’t imagine Callie showing up at her bedside this time of night without a good reason.

Feeling silly, Callie dropped her eyes, running a hand across the sheet covering Arizona’s belly. “Bad dreams,” she murmured. “It’s nothing, really. Close your eyes.”

From her vantage point, Arizona was able to study Callie’s form in detail. She could make out the tension in her shoulders and the serious lines drawn in her face. It worried her. She, of all people, understood how a vivid dream could screw with your head.

It wasn’t until she heard Callie release a ragged breath that she became really worried. She sat up, brushing a mess of hair away from her face before running a hand down the other woman’s arm. “Sweetie, what is it?”

When Callie finally mustered up the courage to look Arizona in the eye, there were tears blurring her vision. “Promise me you’ll never hurt yourself, okay?” she pleaded, her voice sounding incredibly small.

Taken back, Arizona furrowed her brow. “What?” she asked, at a total loss for words. She didn’t know how to respond to that.

Callie felt like an idiot but she just couldn’t hold it in any longer. For weeks she had been growing more and more concerned for Arizona’s wellbeing, and after the incident at the wharf, when she finally realized just how bad her girlfriend’s PTSD really was, those feelings had stared to spill over into her conscious, every day thoughts. She had just been too terrified to admit it out loud until now.

Callie was absolutely terrified that she wouldn’t be able to help Arizona; that if things got bad enough – if the nightmares and the flashbacks and the survivor’s guilt plagued her until she was too tired to fight anymore – she might lose herself to that kind of pain.

It happened to the best of people. Stress and depression could do terrible things to a person. It certainly wasn’t the first time she had heard of a returning veteran unable to cope with the difficulties of being back in a civilian capacity, and many of them hadn’t suffered the severe injuries that her girlfriend had.

The mere thought of Arizona hurting herself shook Callie to her very core, whether the fear was unfounded or not. She would never forgive herself for staying silent and letting something horrible happen if she could have prevented it by speaking up.

“I know things can get bad for you sometimes,” Callie continued as she struggled to hold it together. “Please, _please_ promise me that you won’t ever let it get that far. _Please_.”

Warmth rolled down Callie’s cheeks and she knew the tears had won out. Crying in front of other people wasn’t her thing and she felt ridiculous for turning into a blubbering moron at three in the morning, especially when her girlfriend clearly needed some sleep.

Arizona could see how distressed Callie was and immediately jumped in to comfort her. “Never,” she replied, pulling her into a tight embrace. She could feel Callie’s whole body trembling in her arms. “God, no. I would _never_ do that to myself. Or to you. I promise.”

Callie squeezed her eyes shut and buried her face in the crook of Arizona’s neck, wrapping both arms around her torso. She felt relieved just hearing it said out loud – weeks of trying not to think about the worst case scenario had done her conscience no good.

Arizona didn’t know what else to say, though it didn’t stop her from holding Callie tightly and running a soothing hand up and down her back. They sat in silence while she released all of the pent-up emotions she had been holding in for far too long. Arizona kissed the shell of her ear and whispered soothing words until she felt the trembling start to slow.

Callie didn’t mind the quiet. Her outburst had both surprised and repulsed her, not to mention it had drained her remaining energy sources. She burrowed her nose into Arizona’s skin and breathed deeply, feeling some of the tension release as slender fingers trailed up the back of her neck.

“Shh,” Arizona murmured. “It was just a bad dream. I’m right here with you and I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”

“Ugh, I’m sorry,” Callie gushed as she reluctantly pulled back from the embrace, sniffling loudly. “God, this is so disgusting – ew, now you’re all wet.” She made a face and tugged on Arizona’s t-shirt, rubbing at the tear stains feebly.

The endearing commentary brought a smile to Arizona’s face. “Hey, it’s okay,” she whispered, swiping each thumb across a tear-stained cheek. “You have nothing to be sorry for, so stop apologizing.”

“It was just a stupid dream,” Callie said weakly. “I should’ve let you sleep.”

“Dreams can be cruel,” Arizona pointed out as she pulled Callie into a gentle kiss. “This? Much more real, much more fun,” she added before repeating the action.

Callie melted into the connection she was craving, sliding her fingers up to bury themselves in Arizona’s hair. It felt so familiar that it was suddenly hard to feel sad or afraid of anything.

Only when Arizona felt Callie relax did she finally break the kiss, resting their foreheads together. The comfort of the moment was broken when a residual tear slid down Callie’s left cheek, which Arizona quickly brushed away with a single stroke of her thumb.

“Can you tell me what happened?” she asked patiently, waiting for Callie to gather her thoughts.

Callie licked her lips. “I came home and found you – I _almost_ found you–” She couldn’t say it out loud. “– a-and then I woke up and couldn’t bear the thought of…”

Arizona’s heart ached. Even without voicing it, she understood the meaning.

Callie kept her forehead pressed firmly against Arizona’s. She was positive that the physical contact was the only thing keeping her glued together right now. She wasn’t exactly known as a pillar of stability when she was deliriously tired, even before she factored in the emotional stress of the last few weeks and a heavy consumption of alcohol earlier in the evening.

“I can’t lose you,” she stated, no longer worried about her confession crossing any lines drawn between them. “You’re a part of me now, and I…I _can’t_ lose you. Especially not like that.”

A sad smile tugged at the corner of Arizona’s mouth. “I know the feeling,” she replied, dipping her head to cover Callie’s lips with her own.

Even though the kiss was slow, it had enough power to banish the remaining tension from Callie’s body. She slumped forward with a sigh of relief, reveling in the sweet taste of Arizona’s lips against her own. There was no other feeling like it.

Once things had calmed down, Arizona carefully broke away again. “I promise you that hurting myself is the furthest thing from my mind,” she said honestly. “You have nothing to worry about. And if for some reason it ever gets so bad that I’m starting to waver, I’ll come to you first. Okay?”

“Okay,” Callie echoed weakly. Although it felt good to finally voice her deepest fear, it was utterly exhausting at this hour of the morning.

When she was sure that the tears had stopped, Arizona scooted back and gestured for Callie to follow. “Crawl in.”

Even in the darkness, Callie knew she was blushing. “No, really, I’m okay. You don’t need a giant blubbering bump interrupting your sleeping patterns.”

Arizona cocked an eyebrow. “I happen to like that giant blubbering ‘bump’ you just insulted, so watch it, lady.”

Callie cracked a smile, hesitant to cross more pre-set boundaries, even if she was relieved at the offer. “Are you sure?”

Arizona peeled back the covers. “C’mere,” she said firmly, patting the mattress beside her.

That was all the reassurance Callie needed. She pulled her legs up and crawled in, letting Arizona guide her back until they were spooning in the center of the bed.

Arizona wrapped an arm around her waist and gave her a firm squeeze. “You’re comfy,” she murmured as Callie wiggled her butt back into her pelvis.

“I forgot I gave you the good sheets,” Callie commented, earning a playful pinch in the side.

“Gee, that’s romantic.”

“Sorry.” She peered over her shoulder, feeling a thousand times better than she had only moments before. “How about ‘you smell good’. Is that better?”

“Much.” Arizona snickered and pressed her lips to her girlfriend’s shoulder. “Are we done exchanging compliments now? You’re a grumpy bear in the morning when you don’t get enough sleep.”

“Somehow I don’t think that will be a problem,” Callie mused as she settled into the pillow. She was utterly exhausted and the relief that accompanied such a huge release of emotion would have her back to sleep in no time.

“Mm, good,” Arizona sighed, already halfway there herself.

Callie smiled at the growing sense of familiarity that having Arizona pressed against her brought. She was definitely looking forward to the day when it would become a regular thing with them.

Behind her, Arizona had no objections of her own, as a few breaths later she was snoring softly into Callie’s ear.

***

The faintest bit of light began to filter around the bedroom curtains only two hours after they fell asleep. When Arizona awoke, the room was glowing with a pre-dawn grey that signaled rainy skies ahead. It illuminated the extra body in her bed and immediately brought a smile to her face.

The fact that Callie had stayed meant a lot to her. She was just starting to get used to waking up together and knew they would have to amend those pesky rules one of these days so the trend could continue.

She inched closer until their noses were nearly touching on the pillow. Their legs were entwined beneath the covers, and she couldn’t resist the urge to run her foot along the smoothness of her girlfriend’s calf, waiting for signs of life to appear.

For once Arizona’s head was remarkably silent. No nightmares plagued her mind, no dreams of any kind lingered to take away her sense of safety. She was vaguely aware of the morning songbirds announcing their arrival outside, even as droplets of rain began to peck at the window. Somehow it all seemed to fit with her mood; she would be totally content if they simply lay in bed all day and listened to the rain together.

All of this was in stark contrast to how she felt in the bathroom the night before. At that time, she had wanted to be alone so she could swallow a double dosage of pills and kill any nightmares before they could get to her. She wanted to make a cave out of her blankets and hibernate for the next century until the impending storm had passed. This, however, was turning into a much better solution if she did say so herself.

Having Callie in bed next to her was far from the ideal ‘roommate’ situation they had tried to cultivate early on, but then Callie was quickly becoming Arizona’s lone source of solace these days. The connection between them had grown to where she truly believed it would take more than a stupid quarrel about their living arrangements to ruin the relationship before it had a chance to get off the ground. In her eyes, they were already soaring through the air, miles ahead of where they had been even a month before.

Rather than move away and put a safer distance between them, Arizona gave in to the urge for more of her body to connect with Callie’s, and for once she didn’t feel the slightest bit guilty about it.

Callie awoke to a trail of sneaky fingers pushing themselves beneath the hem of her t-shirt, sending a tickle of warmth up from her navel to her chest. The hands were soft as a feather and she shivered at the touch as she finally opened her eyes.

Arizona didn’t stop. The lump in her throat grew when she recognized an arousal that matched her own in the brown eyes staring back at her from across the pillow. She traced small patterns along the contour of Callie’s stomach, over her hip, and around to the small of her back.

As if sensing the delicacy of the moment, Callie inched her head forward until their lips were almost touching. She didn’t complete the action, instead giving Arizona the option to pull away.

She didn’t take it. Arizona pressed her lips into Callie’s and splayed her fingers around her hip. The kiss slowly deepened and she pulled at the base of Callie’s t-shirt, dragging the material up her side with agonizing care and exposing an alluring amount of skin.

There were no remnants of her nightmare in Callie’s mind as she reacted to Arizona’s silent question on instinct. It was nearly impossible to pull away from the kiss, but she did so in order to for the garment to be removed completely. As soon as it was free, Arizona dropped it behind the pillows and allowed her eyes to wander.

Callie was more stunning than she could have ever imagined. Even the brief glimpse she’d had on her first day here didn’t measure up to the image before her now. Every inch of Callie’s torso looked radiant and smooth, and the dark hue of her skin left Arizona’s mouth watering for a taste. She was curvy and voluptuous in all the right places, the perfect essence of a woman, and Arizona couldn’t possibly have desired her more than she did in that moment. All of this was before she even had a chance to properly admire Callie’s breasts – they added a whole new dimension to the word ‘hot’.

It wasn’t until she caught a glimpse of amusement tugging at her girlfriend’s mouth that she realized she had been caught staring. A blush coloured her cheeks and she refocused on the mischievous smirk beaming her way.

“Good morning to you, too,” Callie husked with a sparkle in her eye.

With her own smile beginning to form, Arizona recaptured her lips in a heated kiss that said more than she ever could with words.

It wasn’t hard for Callie to sense the underlying uncertainty to the movements, despite Arizona’s apparent enthusiasm. For all of the pleasure Callie took from the delicate touch along her side, there were other places she was craving the contact even more. Her left hand came up and guided Arizona’s palm to cup an exposed breast, smirking at the sharp intake of air against her lips.

Arizona was no stranger to sex, least of all to second base – she had been batting doubles since she was sixteen years old. But right now she felt like a newborn with poor motor skills and the inability to even pretend that she was remotely suave and sexy. Whether it was the length of time that had passed since her last sexual encounter, or the woman that she was currently with, she wasn’t sure. Probably both. Either way, she was suddenly nervous as hell and found herself frozen in place – with her hand still on Callie’s boob.

She’d had better moments.

Callie seemed to find Arizona’s sudden brain shock rather amusing. Instead of allowing the experience to come to an early end, she pulled away from the kiss and waited for darkening blue eyes to meet her own. She flashed Arizona a knowing smile before pushing the covers away and rolling onto her back.

Taking the hint, Arizona moved on top of Callie, her cotton t-shirt rubbing against the woman’s bare chest and drawing a small gasp from below. The noise was small but it was enough to spark some heat in Arizona’s veins.

Wanting to hear more, she stole a brief kiss before sliding down to attach her lips to Callie’s exposed stomach. The move was bolder than either of them had expected and it brought with it a renewed sense of confidence in Arizona. Lying on top of a half naked woman was not an experience she was about to pass up just because she was a little rusty in the sack.

This time it was Callie’s mind that stalled and she lay there in silence while Arizona’s lips and tongue made strategic rounds of one of the more sensitive areas of her body. Her stomach hitched with each feather-light touch against it and her fingers longed to dig themselves into the blonde curls tickling her sides. She just didn’t want to push things too hard, too soon. Instead she gripped the bed sheets in one hand and allowed the other to drift across Arizona’s shoulder, hungry for the touch of skin-on-skin.

Arizona was quickly realizing that this was the perfect way to figure out what elicited the best reactions from her girlfriend. She took her time in exploring the smooth expanse of skin below her, taking note of how Callie reacted to each spot and storing the knowledge in the back of her mind for future use.

The exploration allowed her to grow bolder as she moved a hand up to cover one of Callie’s breasts, circling her thumb around an already stiffening nipple. She couldn’t resist just the slightest squeeze, sliding her wrist down until she was cupping the warm mound in her palm.

Groaning in response, Callie noticed a switch in Arizona’s movements that signaled the easing of some tension. She felt a smirk against her navel, then a tongue dart out to take a playful swipe along the bottom of her breast.

A muffled groan reached Arizona’s ears, providing her with a much-needed confidence boost. Her lips closed around an erect nipple, bathing it with slow, languid strokes of her tongue. The lithe form beneath her shivered with pleasure.

“You are so sexy,” Arizona murmured as her mouth switched sides, gently sucking on the opposite bud, then broke away to pepper the center of Callie’s chest with kisses.

“Mmph,” Callie groaned in response, her eyelids drooping dangerously low. Loose curls fell around Arizona’s shoulders and were incessantly tickling her skin, slowly chipping away at her self-control. She licked her lips and prayed for the patience that she could feel rapidly declining. She needed to taste Arizona – now.

“C’mere,” she urged, tangling her fingers into blonde hair and tugging until their lips crashed together again.

Arizona grunted in surprise and braced her hands on either side of Callie’s body. It took her a moment to catch up with the sudden shift in pace, but when she did, she gave as good as she got, pressing into the woman below her and pushing forward into her mouth.

Callie felt as though an intense heat had been building inside of her for these last few months and she was finally being granted a release for it. She was still wary about forcing Arizona over the edge of her comfort zone, but then again, the hands roaming her body told an entirely different story.

When she was sure that they were on the same page, her mind began to drift toward a whole new set of problems – there were still way too many clothes involved in this equation.

Tearing her lips away with a gasp, she barely managed to pant out a quick “Arizona-” before the blonde closed the gap again, abruptly cutting her off. The tongue thrust into her mouth took away her speech and she melted back into the kiss, momentarily forgetting what she was supposed to say.

Their stupid rules could suck it. This was what she had been waiting for and she would be damned if she ruined it by asking too many questions.

The next chance Callie got to speak was when Arizona broke away to catch her breath. She smiled breathlessly and brushed a thumb along Arizona’s bottom lip, whimpering when the other woman gently nibbled on the tip. She wanted so badly to roll over and take control, but she was still determined to let Arizona set the pace. As horny as she was, her partner’s comfort level came first. She remembered all too well what happened the first time they had tried something like this.

Callie looked into blue eyes and dropped both hands to the remaining t-shirt between them. Rather than take it off herself, she simply pushed her fingers beneath the hem and spread them over the naked curve of Arizona’s waist. She was ever watchful for the slightest hint of regression, ready to retract at a moment’s notice.

Arizona’s breath caught in her throat and all of her newly gained confidence went out the window. There was no doubt that it good it felt to have Callie’s hands on her body, she was just suddenly very aware that it meant _Callie’s hands were on her body_ – a body that she was less than okay with even on the best of days.

The arms on either side of her went rigidly still and gave Callie a heads up that Arizona was on edge. She didn’t change a thing, instead choosing to trace her thumbs over the contour of Arizona’s hip bone, getting her used to the sensation of being touched so intimately again, after such a long time. Callie kept her entire focus on her girlfriend, taking in every range of emotion as it flickered across her face, watching for any real signs of distress.

Arizona’s lips parted and the softest of breaths escaped. The touch sent a shiver up the center of her back and raised goosebumps along her skin. It was as though she, too, was waiting to find out what her reaction to all of this would be. She had no idea what unpleasant surprises were waiting to be unleashed from the darkest corners of her psyche.

Her first instinct was to retreat and it took everything she had not to let it get the better of her. She reminded herself of who she was with, how much she trusted Callie, and how good it felt to be this close to someone again. It was scary, yes, but she wasn’t in any real danger. Callie always took such good care of her. She couldn’t imagine being with anyone else this way.

It was only when Callie took a chance and pushed her hands further up her body that Arizona finally allowed her eyelids to drift closed.

Callie worked her thumbs in small circles along Arizona’s stomach, smiling when it elicited another shiver of delight. Gentle fingers pressed into the blonde’s ribcage and took their time stroking the skin beneath their tips.

She had bypassed Arizona’s abdominal scar at first in order to take things slow, but as Arizona gradually remembered how to breathe again, Callie’s left hand dropped down and her thumb carefully trailed along the small ridge beneath it. Arizona jerked reflexively, and although Callie slowed, she didn’t pull away. She looked up into the fearful eyes above her own and just repeated the motion, slower and more delicate this time, making sure her thumb followed the four inch scar from beginning to end.

Arizona bit down on her bottom lip as her body gave another involuntary quiver. She looked away, ashamed to feel heat flushing her cheeks.

“Arizona, look at me,” Callie spoke quietly, waiting for those familiar blue eyes to meet her own. “You are _so_ beautiful.”

Arizona swallowed thickly and tried to let Callie’s words calm her nerves. She felt butterflies in her stomach, but those butterflies were fighting for space alongside the ball of molten rock that had gotten there first. Right now, the rock was winning.

Or at least it _was_ , until Callie flattened a palm against her stomach and slowly, methodically smoothed it upwards, moving back and forth in a sensual caress. Something that sounded like a wheeze squeaked out of Arizona’s throat as those butterflies erupted in full force.

It wasn’t lost on Callie that Arizona appeared to like the move, judging by the way her eyes rolled back into her head. She took a mental note of it and flashed her a warm smile as she repeated the motion several times, enjoying what it felt like to finally be touching her this way. Even though she couldn’t see what she was running her hands over, Callie was positive that Arizona was the most beautiful person she had ever been with – male or female.

Arizona knew where this was leading and it took a lot of effort for her not to wig out again. She was in control of her emotions this time and she would be damned if yet another psychotic episode of fear ruined the experience for both of them. She _wanted_ this, she was sure of it. One look at a half naked Calliope and the old Arizona would have been stripping down and strutting her stuff by now. She just wasn’t used to feeling so vulnerable during sex.

All it took was another reminder of how much she trusted Callie. To her this was so much more than the simple act of sleeping together, and the delicacy behind each of the brunette’s movements proved that she was feeling the same. Besides, Arizona was such a sucker for that perfect smile, it would be impossible for her to say no.

The part of her that was waiting for Callie to take control and remove the first article of clothing on her behalf quickly realized that it was not going to happen. Callie was looking at her with all of the patience and love in the world, and Arizona knew it had to be her own choice this time around.

When she was hit with the realization that it was up to her to take the next step, Arizona didn’t want to lose her nerve. She forced her arms into action and pushed until she was sitting up and straddling Callie’s waist. The move dislodged the hand doing wonderful things to her stomach, and she was thankful when Callie simply moved them both to rest on either side of her hips. The contact helped her stay grounded.

Arizona slowly dragged her gaze over her girlfriend’s exposed form and marveled at the ease with which she lay there in confidence. Callie didn’t have a thing to be ashamed about and Arizona envied her for that.

It was that thought alone, how she longed to show as much courage as her partner, that finally brought Arizona’s hands to the base of her t-shirt. She released a short breath before pulling it up and over her head in one swift movement. Maybe it wasn’t the slow, sexy reveal that she might have toyed with in the past, but any slower and it would have glued itself to her torso on a permanent basis.

As soon as she let the material drop next to them on the bed, she felt cold and exposed, open, uncomfortable. A self-conscious blush flooded her cheeks and she refused to make eye contact with the woman below her.

Callie’s breath was taken away the moment Arizona’s t-shirt left her body. For the life of her, she could not figure out why such a stunning creature would desperately try to hide herself from the world. Arizona was _beautiful_ , there was no other word for it. While the injuries and subsequent time in hospital had left her underweight upon her release, the last few months had seen her return to a much healthier form. Her creamy white skin was dotted with freckles along her shoulders and chest, instantly enticing Callie’s lips to make a thorough investigation of them up close and personal sometime very soon.

At the risk of being disrespectful, she was unable to keep her eyes from drifting down to Arizona’s breasts. They too were beautiful and full, and housed distinctly tight nipples that led Callie to believe she was enjoying their little make out session on some level, hopefully one that outweighed her insecurities.

In all honesty, the scars on her body were the last thing Callie even noticed.

When she was finally able to tear her eyes away and realize that Arizona had turned to hide from her, her heart broke into a million pieces. “Honey, look at me,” Callie urged, replacing her hands in their earlier position. She trailed them along Arizona’s bare sides, feeling another quake travel through her.

“You take my breath away,” she stated. “You’re perfect.”

The first sign of life from Arizona was a small, self-deprecating laugh. Still, she risked a glance at her partner and managed a tentative smile. It would have been cute if it hadn’t been so sad.

That just wouldn’t do. Determined to prove to Arizona how gorgeous she was, Callie gave her waist a firm squeeze. “C’mere. Lie down.”

Arizona glanced around the room as though she were nervous about an audience. “Callie…”

“No, lie down. Please.” Callie tugged gently and encouragingly, until Arizona relaxed from her statue-like position and allowed herself to be guided onto the bed. They switched places as Arizona settled onto her back and Callie very carefully shifted on top of her. She was mindful not to put too much weight down, not wanting Arizona to feel like she was trapped.

On the contrary, Arizona actually felt better like this. Callie’s body was warm and sleek against her own, and she provided the sense of safety that Arizona had been relying on heavily for the last couple of weeks. She breathed in and released a deep sigh, feeling some of her jitters slowly begin to ebb away.

Callie had a specific plan in mind, but first she wanted her girlfriend to be comfortable with it. She lifted a hand and brushed an errant strand of hair away from Arizona’s forehead, then lowered herself into another kiss.

Again it was slow, calculated, purposeful. Arizona parted her lips and granted Callie’s tongue entry, meeting her halfway. She closed her eyes and for a moment all she was concerned with was the kiss and how to make it last forever. If this was Callie’s method of distraction, it was definitely working.

Callie knew she was on the right track when she heard Arizona’s throaty moan as she sucked her bottom lip into her mouth. The prone form below her eased up and she swept a hand along Arizona’s side as they kissed, exploring her flawless curves and daring to graze the swell of her breast with a swipe of her thumb.

Just when Arizona thought Callie was going to take the opportunity to feel her up, the kisses moved away from her mouth and blazed a new trail down the side of her neck, over her collarbone, and down to the valley between her breasts. She actually felt frustrated when Callie moved her hand away from them entirely.

As much as her partner’s assets were begging to be worshipped, Callie forced her mind to stay on task, pausing to hover over her stomach. She shifted her weight onto her left elbow, freeing up her right hand, and sprawled her body across Arizona’s legs.

Arizona lifted her eyes to the ceiling, willing the surge of vulnerability that came over her to pass. Callie seemed content to explore her stomach in silence, pressing her lips to the occasional patch of skin as the urge came to her. It was driving Arizona mad – she had never been so scared out of her mind and turned on all at the same time.

When she finally spotted what she was looking for, Callie’s lips curled up into a light smile. She dipped her head to press a soft kiss beneath Arizona’s left breast where a faint, barely visible scar had caught her eye.

“Hm,” she drawled. “This one says to me…‘my brother dared me to climb a tree and jump into the sandbox’.”

Confused, Arizona scrunched her forehead and looked down to see what she was talking about. Callie sent her an impish grin and trailed a finger back and forth along the tiny blemish, waiting patiently for more information.

She smiled. “Not quite. I fell off my bike and rolled down a steep hill, ass over handlebars. But Tim was definitely there. He laughed pretty hard.”

“I’m pretty sure I would have laughed at you, too.”

Arizona giggled, flashing Callie her dimples for the first time. “I bet you would have. I nearly punctured myself on a tree branch. It hurt like hell.”

“Ouch,” Callie grimaced. “For the record, I’m glad you didn’t skewer yourself.”

“Me too. My surgeon wouldn’t have been nearly as hot as you.”

Laughing, Callie placed one last kiss on the mark and rubbed a hand along Arizona’s side as she searched for another, paying attention to how her abdomen would flex every time she hit a sensitive spot. Touching her like this was easily going to become Callie’s new favourite hobby – Arizona had a ridiculously sexy body and she had always been a sucker for great abs.

Locating another scar, also old but slightly larger than the first, Callie kissed her way down to it. She nuzzled a little deeper into the blonde’s stomach as she went, purely because it felt so incredibly good to finally be this close. Everything about Arizona was intoxicating and they had barely even begun.

“Tell me about this one.” She swiped her tongue along the length of her newest discovery just below the other woman’s ribcage.

A deep shiver rolled through Arizona’s body. “U-uh, it’s…that one’s, uh–” She found it incredibly hard to think with Callie’s warm tongue touching her. It was like it short-circuited something in her brain. “F-field hockey.”

Callie hummed and gently sucked on a patch of skin to the right of it. “What position?”

“Um–” Arizona blinked heavily and arched into Callie’s mouth. “A-attacker. In university. I was pretty good,” she admitted.

Callie grinned and buried her nose into Arizona’s stomach. “Neat.”

“I was no lacrosse star, but I could’ve given you a run for your money,” Arizona mused.

“You still owe me that marathon next year. We can duke it out then.” Callie thought about it and scrunched her forehead. “Or do I owe you the marathon, technically speaking?”

“I’m pretty sure I was the one dragging you kicking and screaming,” Arizona smiled. She dropped her fingers to comb through raven-coloured locks. “Don’t stop. Please.”

Encouraged by the sentiment, Callie kissed the field hockey scar before searching for something new. She caught sight of it as Arizona’s hand continued to stroke the back of her neck.

“What happened here?” Callie caught her wrist and gently rotated it to expose the inside of her forearm. There was a curvy white line a few inches below the elbow that she had never noticed before.

This time Arizona turned a light shade of pink. “You’re going to make fun of me.”

“I am not!” Callie shot back.

“Yes, you are.”

“Arizona, I won’t.”

“Promise?”

Callie hesitated. “I can try.”

Her boyish grin was too cute for Arizona to resist. She let out a long, drawn out sigh, rolling her eyes as she caved in. “I…fell.”

Callie cocked an eyebrow. “You fell? Where? On what?” Met with silence, she nipped at Arizona’s navel. “C’mon, spill.”

Arizona jerked and let out a small gasp. Oh, Callie played _dirty_. “Over my shoes.”

“So you tripped over your own feet and scraped up your forearm?” Callie looked mildly disappointed that there wasn’t a more juicy story behind it.

“Not exactly.” Arizona chewed on her bottom lip. “I fell while wearing Heelys. At Hopkins, during my residency.”

Callie wore a blank look.

“Heelys? You know, those shoes where the little wheels pop out of the heel and you can skate around on them?”

“You mean the ones little kids zip around the grocery store on, knocking things over and causing general chaos?”

“They make them for adults too,” Arizona shot back, as though that would somehow make her experience seem less ridiculous. “The kids loved them. You should’ve seen their faces when their doctor would roll into the room on wheelie sneaks. It was totally worth it.”

Callie was having a hell of a time suppressing a smile, finding the mental image of her broody girlfriend on wheelie shoes completely obscure. “Aww. So the big, bad Dr. Robbins fell down and went ‘boom’?”

Arizona swatted her shoulder. “ _No_ ,” she scoffed. “Well…okay, sort of. I was practicing and I wiped out in the on-call room one day, scraping my arm up when I tried to catch myself on the bunk beds. Shut up! It’s not that funny.”

Callie was flat out giggling now, hardly able to believe what an adorable dork her girlfriend was. “I would kill to have seen that,” she teased, pressing another kiss to the resulting injury. “That’s probably my favourite story of all time.”

It wasn’t hard for Arizona to grin despite the embarrassment of such an epic failure. She had always blamed the scar on an attempt to climb a fence when she was a teenager if anybody asked. “Are you done laughing at me now?” she pouted.

“For the time being,” Callie replied, ducking her head to nip at Arizona’s hip bone. The resulting twitch confirmed her suspicions that this was one of the blonde’s ticklish spots.

Arizona closed her eyes and allowed herself to get lost in the feeling. It was getting harder and harder to remember why she had been so afraid of this in the first place. Callie was so gentle and caring that she could never have imagined foreplay feeling this good again.

It wasn’t long before Callie ran out of new places to explore and finally set her eyes on the biggest, most obvious mark on the front of Arizona’s body. She knew full well what a source of pain and self-consciousness it was for her, and even though it ran the risk of setting her off again, she wasn’t going to skirt around it. Every inch of Arizona was beautiful, even those that she probably wouldn’t agree on.

It was sobering to feel a set of lips cover a place that had once brought her nothing but agony. As soon as she felt Callie’s mouth come into contact with it, Arizona couldn’t help but flinch. She didn’t like Callie seeing the reminders of the worst day of her life. The imbedded shrapnel wound still ached some days, usually when she worked out and tweaked something in her abdomen. It wasn’t the worst of the scars on her body, not by a long shot, but it was the most visible one where Callie was currently exploring.

“That was…” Arizona’s voice died midway through her sentence.

“You being brave,” Callie finished for her. She looked up as she delicately pressed her lips to the raised flesh, giving it the treatment it deserved. “Saving someone’s life.” Arizona didn’t look convinced and once again avoided eye contact. It made Callie’s heart ache.

“They’re just freckles with stories, remember?” she murmured, moving her lips in a slow line down the scar, making sure she kissed every inch of it.

“It’s ugly.”

“Actually, it’s kind of hot,” Callie admitted. “It makes you look like a total badass.”

Arizona snorted. “If you say so.” She didn’t sound like she believed a word of it, although it didn’t hurt to know that Callie found her latest edition sexy, even if she couldn’t fathom why.

Callie spent a moment paying proper tribute to one of the things that had brought Arizona into her life. She could never willfully wish for something so horrible to happen to a person she cared about, but at the same time it had brought them together and turned into something more real than all of her past relationships combined. Where they had ended up was all that mattered to her, as long as it was together.

After a minute or so, Callie felt Arizona relax again. Procrastination had always been one of her strong points, but she didn’t want to put off her finale for much longer. Nothing about Arizona’s injuries disgusted her or scared her off, but the potential reaction to physically touching the scar on her back had Callie worried. She wanted to make things easier, not worse. It felt like skipping over that wound would send the wrong message and that was the last thing she wanted to do.

Taking in a deep breath, she dropped her eyes to the tip of the scar beginning on the right side of Arizona’s torso. She knew it wrapped around her back, that it was big and nasty and had probably been incredibly painful at the time. She also knew how self-conscious her girlfriend was about this one above all the rest. More than anything, she wanted to help Arizona realize that it didn’t make her any less beautiful.

Callie switched arms and leaned down to place a comforting kiss on the centre of Arizona’s belly. She wrapped a hand around the contour of her hip and dragged it upward until her fingertips touched the tip of the serpentine mark.

Arizona automatically tensed. “Calliope, please,” she begged in a hoarse whisper. “Don’t.”

Frowning, Callie scooted closer and eased more of her body weight down, hoping the skin-on-skin contact would help keep Arizona calm. “Sweetie, it’s okay.”

“No, it’s not.” Arizona blinked tears from her eyes, refusing to let them fall and ruin what had been a perfect moment up until now. She knew full well that Callie had seen her back during their initial consult, but that didn’t change how much she loathed what certain parts of her body looked like. The flesh wound on her back was ugly and only served to remind her of a past that she was so desperate to forget. It was one of the pieces that kept her from being able to move on whenever she looked in a mirror.

Callie didn’t pull away but she also didn’t go any further for the time being. Instead she continued to run her fingers along the very tip of the scar while her lips resumed their earlier mission of kissing everything within reach. The entire time she kept her mind tuned to Arizona and how she was doing, even as her tongue darted out to run the length of her belly.

Arizona gasped as her muscles hitched in response. She was well aware of what her girlfriend was trying to do and she had to admit that it was kind of working. She tightened a fist in Callie’s hair and lightly scraped her nails against the back of her scalp.

Callie moaned into her stomach, sliding her free hand up and running a thumb along the underside of Arizona’s breast. It had the desired effect as the fingers in her hair gave an urgent tug. That was a much better reaction than trying to escape or push her away.

All she could do was hope that Arizona trusted her enough to help her through this. She carefully replaced the fingers touching the scar with her mouth instead, ducking her head around Arizona’s side, keeping her lips flush against soft skin. The move forced the other woman to lift her arm up and out of the way.

“This one tells me how honorable you are,” she began, shifting her body so she was no longer directly on top of Arizona’s legs. She swiped her other thumb across a hard nipple, just to make her really feel those words.

Arizona released a soft breath and kept her eyes trained on the opposite side of the room. Her heart was pounding so hard that it almost drowned out her thoughts.

Scientifically speaking, the connective tissue that had formed along the fissure of the wound wasn’t able to perceive any feeling. It had little to no nerve sensation within it. Even so, she felt each and every touch of Callie’s hot mouth as it moved along the rigid arc.

There was only so far Callie could reach while Arizona was still lying on her back. She slipped a hand beneath her and urged her to roll over with a gentle tug. At first she was met with resistance, but when she finally coaxed Arizona into looking at her, she saw something soften in her gaze.

Arizona stayed silent as she allowed Callie to roll her onto her side. She felt weight settle on the bed behind her and inhaled sharply when the kisses picked up right where they had left off.

Callie could feel Arizona’s heart beating against her mouth as she continue to follow the trail of raised flesh beneath it. Her tongue darted out to follow up each kiss, until eventually she arrived at the center of Arizona’s spine, where the scar tapered off.

“You’re a survivor.” Callie closed her eyes and rested her forehead against her girlfriend’s back. “And you’re gorgeous, smart, strong, sexy, and a million other incredible things that continue to amaze me every single day. I just wish you could see you like I do.”

Arizona closed her eyes as a range of emotions flooded through her, none of them conducive to forming a verbal response. Callie spent a few minutes back there, intent on memorizing every little contour of her body with an agonizing patience. An arm curled itself around her waist and delicate fingers drew small circles around her navel. For the very first time, Arizona found herself desperately wishing that they would wander lower.

“Callie,” she breathed out, licking her lips and willing her voice to sound stronger. “Please.”

A smile graced Callie’s features as she kissed her way to the nape of Arizona’s neck. She rolled her onto her back again and immediately captured her lips in another slow, passionate kiss.

The flare up of Arizona’s libido hit her so suddenly and so forcefully that it nearly shocked her stupid. It had been a long, long time since she felt anything resembling arousal this strong. By now she had been starting to think that her ‘parts’ were broken or something.

Callie finally allowed herself to dip below the waist, sliding her fingertips into the material of Arizona’s pajama shorts and holding them against the apex of her thighs before pausing to see if it was okay.

Wordlessly, Arizona managed a stiff nod. Her mouth was far too dry to entertain the idea of speaking out loud.

Callie pushed her fingers through the slickness of Arizona’s labia, pleased to find that she was already nice and wet. She spread her open and dragged some of the evidence along the length of her sex, at the same time feeling quite a bit pool between her own legs.

Arizona hissed at the contact and bit her sharp nails into the back of her girlfriend’s shoulders. Callie circled her opening, using just enough pressure to drive her mad with desire. Her thighs automatically clamped around the hand between them, though that did nothing to stop the ministrations nor make them migrate to where she wanted.

“You’re wet,” Callie husked, both pupils dilated with arousal.

Arizona grunted, surprised and only mildly embarrassed to find that she was already quivering with need. Callie seemed intent on taking her time, working her fingers in slow, drawn out circles – she seemed to like circles a lot – while stroking a thumb across the patch of finely trimmed hairs above.

“I’m pretty sure that’s supposed to happen,” Arizona answered in a hoarse whisper. A hundred years might have passed since the last time she’d had sex, but this part she was _definitely_ remembering.

That made Callie chuckle. She nipped at the side of Arizona’s chin before stifling any more commentary with a passionate kiss. Her fingers were soaked with her lover’s essence as she finally drew upward to press into her clit, causing the blonde to jerk beneath her. She pinched the nerve bundle carefully between her thumb and middle finger, massaging it back and forth, causing Arizona to squirm.

“Fuck,” Arizona gasped, breaking apart with a harsh breath.

“Such a dirty mouth,” Callie smirked, suckling at her bottom lip. “I like it.”

“You have no idea,” was about the only response Arizona could manage. She was so far removed from her intimacy issues at that moment that they seemed like part of another life all together. All she wanted was to feel the sweet release she had been denying herself for so long, and she wanted Callie to be the one to give it to her.

“Feeling good?” Callie asked, a hint of concern masked within the playful question. She wanted to make sure that they were still on the right track.

“Very,” Arizona murmured. Honest to god, she thought she was going to have to beg for penetration if it were to happen any time soon. By the time Callie took mercy on her and entered in one swift movement, she was vibrating with need.

Callie openly growled at how hot and wet Arizona felt as she clenched tightly around the single digit. She moved it back and forth, just enough to ease her up before pushing in with a second, simultaneously making sure to leave her mark along the side of Arizona’s neck.

Arizona’s response was to bite down against the shell of Callie’s ear and spread her legs open wider, allowing the brunette to settle more comfortably between them. Her eyes drifted closed as Callie pumped her fingers in a steady rhythm, scissoring them inside of her and making sure she felt each and every stroke.

She was unable to contain the whimper that escaped as Callie pushed a thumb into her clit, moving it in slow, hard circles, matching the rhythm of her fingers and causing her pussy to contract hard around them.

Callie’s chest heaved for breath as she rocked her hips forward, digging her thigh into the back of her hand in an effort to gain more leverage. Arizona’s body was slick with sweat beneath her, and suddenly all she wanted to do was take her into her mouth.

So she placed one more kiss along Arizona’s jaw before forcing herself to tear away, withdrawing the fingers from between her legs. Arizona actually growled in protest, shooting her an aggravated look that made Callie smile. She hooked a set of fingers into the waist line of the remaining pajama shorts and panties, then pulled the set down the sexiest pair of legs she had ever seen.

Arizona lay still as Callie threw back the covers that were threatening to get in their way. She felt a stab of self-consciousness as the sight of her mangled leg was exposed, although by now her girlfriend had examined it so many times that it didn’t hold quite the power over her that it used to. Besides, she was way too horny to give a crap about what she looked like right now. A shiver rolled down her back as the cool air of the room tightened her already straining nipples.

For all of Callie’s patience leading up to this moment, she ran out as soon as the scent of Arizona’s arousal hit her full force. Mouth watering, she descended with a hasty groan, throwing the blonde’s left leg over her shoulder and taking a long, dragged out swipe of her pussy with her tongue.

Arizona immediately bucked her hips into Callie’s mouth, pushing her fingers deeply into curls of dark hair as she urged for more contact. Her injured leg flopped uselessly to the side as she opened herself up and arched her back when some attention was finally granted to her aching clit.

Callie bathed the sensitive nub with her tongue before she worked it between Arizona’s folds, sucking on the distended flesh before dipping down to swipe at her entrance. It earned another sharp jab of the blonde’s hips into her face and she took the hint. Her mouth moved back up to suck on Arizona’s clit while using her thumb to rub small, pressurized circles around her opening without giving her the satisfaction of any penetration – yet.

“Calliope,” Arizona growled, jerking a thigh against the side of her head as she moaned in frustration.

Never, in all of her years, had Callie heard her full name spoken with so much passion before. It was probably the first time she really loved hearing it out loud; until now it had been sort of a begrudging allowance on her part, only because Arizona could make anything sound good. Now she planned to spend the next few decades making her moan it on a nightly basis.

Callie retracted her thumb and sunk two fingers inside, and Arizona knew she couldn’t handle a lot more before reaching her ever-elusive orgasm. She had been so plagued with personal insecurities that even her own hand hadn’t been enough to satisfy any semblance of a craving she’d had for sexual release over the last few months. The fact that it had been so long, and that Callie’s tongue was relentlessly coaxing her clit out of hiding, combined to ensure that it wouldn’t take much longer. Rather than feel embarrassed about it, she leaned into the sensation and closed her eyes as she lost herself in the build up.

Callie curled her fingers and thrust deeply against Arizona’s inner walls, sucking on her clit and flicking it with her tongue. The hand in her hair tightened and gave a sharp tug of approval. Arizona was fighting for breath, releasing a steady stream of moans that only served to make Callie work harder, faster. Hearing her girlfriend in the throws of passion left an uncomfortable ache between her own legs, causing the one article of clothing left on her body to feel a thousand times tighter than it should have.

Arizona arched her back and bucked her hips, finally reaching a crescendo. The orgasm swept through her with a crippling intensity and she clamped down with both legs, drawing Callie in even deeper. She couldn’t seem to stop shaking as the pressure on her clit refused to ease up.

Callie grunted as her girlfriend’s walls contracted hard around her fingers, her arousal spilling out around them and coating her chin. The sharp cry of ecstasy from above kept her from moving her mouth away too soon, determined to ride out the waves with Arizona before she claimed her reward.

It was only when Arizona’s entire body went limp, completely spent, that Callie carefully withdrew her fingers and replaced them with her tongue. She lapped up any remnants of the orgasm, groaning at the sweet taste as it burst over her tongue. Both hands gripped the thighs surrounding her head and held them there as she licked Arizona clean, enjoying the occasional twitch or shudder that the residual contract caused.

Arizona held out as long as she could but eventually she had to cry mercy, giving a reluctant push to Callie’s shoulder as she drew her hips away from the hungry mouth. Callie gave chase, stealing one last lick before moving up her body, pausing to wipe her chin on the sheets.

With a happy groan, Callie nuzzled into the crook of Arizona’s neck and planted a wet kiss against her skin. This whole thing had left her feeling like she was on fire; the kind that only somebody else’s hand (or a really cold shower) could take care of.

“There are two you right now,” Arizona croaked, tangling her fingers in dark hair as she drew Callie in.

Callie grunted into the kiss, settling her weight to the right of Arizona while planting a forearm on either side of her body. “Lucky you,” she murmured in return, earning herself a playful swat to the behind. She flexed her hips, uncomfortably aware of how soaked her underwear was as she tried to squash down her own libido. By no means was she about to force Arizona to reciprocate, but if that wasn’t ready to happen yet, then she needed to spend some quality alone time in the bathroom.

Thankfully, Arizona answered that question without being asked. While she was still catching her breath, a hand found its way between Callie’s legs and cupped her sex through the thin material. Callie grunted in surprise.

“You must be so hot in these,” Arizona murmured, nibbling on her girlfriend’s bottom lip.

Callie tried not to let her eyes roll as far back into her head as they wanted to. “Y-you don’t have to,” she stammered in return, nearly swallowing her own tongue when Arizona squeezed the fingers into the crotch of her panties, dragging them forward in a torturously slow movement.

“I don’t?” Arizona replied coyly, all signs of her previous hesitancy now completely gone. She leaned up and breathed hotly into Callie’s ear. “But I’ve been wanting to taste you for months now.”

Oh sweet jesus. Arizona Robbins talked dirty during sex. Callie nearly came just from that realization alone.

“D’uhm,” she stammered, blinking a few times in an attempt to keep herself focused. “I, uh – s-sure.”

“Sure?” Arizona echoed. She pulled back with a pout, though her fingers never let up with their relentless stroking. They pushed aside the material of Callie’s panties and buried themselves between her slick folds, sweeping them downward with a hard rub. “I think we can do better than that.”

Callie let out a pathetic whimper and dropped her face into the pillow. “Okay.”

Smirking, Arizona immediately withdrew her hand and gave Callie’s belly a firm push, forcing her to roll off to the side. She followed through with the movement and immediately closed her mouth around an erect nipple, bathing it in a warm lick.

Callie had fucked the tentativeness right out of her. Now all she wanted to do was get a taste in return.

“Y-your leg,” Callie stuttered, lifting her head and peering down the length of Arizona’s body. She was temporarily sidetracked by the ridiculously sexy ass exposed to her line of sight, but she was concerned about the toll such a playful tangle in the sheets might take on her girlfriend’s injuries.

“I think I was more in danger of accidentally hurting myself about thirty seconds ago when your head was buried between my thighs,” Arizona pointed out, flicking Callie’s breast with her tongue before moving further down her stomach. She definitely had to be aware of how her leg factored into each movement, but so far she was pleased with her mobility at a horizontal angle. This felt a thousand times more efficient than when she was stumbling around the room on a pair of crutches. Callie would be lucky if she ever got to wear clothes again from here on out.

A little voice in the back of Callie’s mind refused to let up with the guilt trip. “Arizona,” she groaned, gently touching her shoulder and urging her to look up. “Really, y-you don’t…I mean, I’ll be okay if you don’t want to.” 

Pursing her lips, Arizona released a heavy sigh before back moving up the bed. She had to be careful how she set weight on her right knee, but she managed to straddle her girlfriend’s waist before reaching down to take both of her wrists.

“Calliope,” she stated, pinning them above her head as she fixed her with a stern glare. “I love that you’re so careful with me. I love how much you care about my feelings and it means everything that you put my wellbeing ahead of your own pleasure. So please, don’t take this the wrong way, but…shut up and let me take your pants off.”

Callie’s mouth quirked up into a surprised smile. “Or else?”

Rolling her eyes, Arizona lowered herself to steal a brief kiss. “No ‘or else’. Only my way.”

Callie let out a dramatic sigh. “Mm. Okay then.”

“Good.” Arizona planted a kiss on her lips before moving back and tugging the last article of clothing away.

The moment her underwear left her body, Callie groaned in relief. “Thank god,” she sighed as her girlfriend’s nimble fingers took their place.

“You are so sexy,” Arizona murmured as she nipped at Callie’s hip. She had been given far less time to explore than she normally would have liked, but right now she only had one other concern on her mind.

Pushing her hair back over her shoulder, she settled between Callie’s legs, spreading her open and diving in with her tongue. Muscled thighs flexed against either side of her head before she forced them apart again.

Callie had always considered Arizona to be a woman of many talents, but she hadn’t counted on pleasuring a lady as being right at the top of that list. Not that she had ever doubted whether Arizona was good at sex, but up until now, it had felt disrespectful to spend too much time thinking about it. Not when the other woman clearly wasn’t ready to visit the issue of intimacy.

Now, however, Callie’s suspicions were way more than confirmed. Arizona devoured her with her mouth, letting her tongue do all of the talking, and worshipped her in a way that she hadn’t thought possible in the simple missionary position. She also seemed to sense the urgency Callie was feeling and made no effort to tease her. They both knew she might explode if she didn’t get some sort of relief very soon.

Arizona dipped her tongue inside her girlfriend, releasing a muffled groan as her natural flavour flooded her mouth. She let the hand tangled in her hair guide her to where she was most wanted, only breaking contact when she needed to breathe. The heady scent of her partner’s arousal made her mouth water, and it wasn’t much longer before she found her way back to Callie’s clit, making up for the loss of pressure by rubbing the backs of her knuckles up and down the length of her sex.

Callie cried out when Arizona sucked on her clit, laving it with smooth, never-ending licks. It took all of the self-control she had left to clamp down on the pillow with her fist and not in Arizona’s hair. She didn’t want to do too much forcing here; she was content to let Arizona be in control as much as she could manage.

The need for more physical contract was starting to get to her, though. She groped blindly for Arizona’s free hand, only to have it thrust into her own before she had to think twice.

Arizona squeezed the fingers laced with hers, swiping a thumb along the side of Callie’s knuckle. There were no words to describe how much she loved each flex and tug around them as she ravished Callie with her tongue, able to feel what she liked most and repeat it over and over again to get the same reactions.

Just when Callie thought she was going to explode, Arizona’s mouth vanished from between her legs and she crashed up the length of her body, crushing their lips together in a bruising kiss. Then there were fingers inside of her once more and Callie lost all ability to form a coherent thought.

She panted into the kiss, missing the hot breath against her pussy but infinitely grateful that she got to wrap herself around the blonde’s body instead. She was guilty of leaving a scratch mark or two as her nails dug deeper into the heated flesh along Arizona’s lower back.

Arizona forced her eyes to stay open so she could watch every bit of ecstasy flash across Callie’s face. She let her set the pace as she rocked forward with each motion of her hand and hips, hissing when Callie’s nails suddenly bit into her ass, leaving little half-moons behind that she could look fondly upon later that day.

“Callie,” she groaned breathlessly, burrowing into the nape of her partner’s neck and inhaling her scent as their bodies ground together, a tangled mesh of skin-on-skin.

As soon as Arizona’s thumb started to rapidly work her clit, Callie lost all control in the matter. She swore loudly and arched her back, hooking her right leg over Arizona’s hip and pulling her closer.

_“Fuck!”_

Arizona growled at the raw desire in Callie’s voice. She could feel her inner muscles tighten around each finger and a hard contraction roll through as the orgasm finally tipped her over the edge. She pumped her fingers as deeply and swiftly as she could manage with her arm still squashed between them, stimulating Callie’s clit with her thumb until hypersensitivity forced her to jerk away.

When Callie’s rigid form went completely limp, Arizona collapsed from exhaustion, out of breath and feeling as though she had just run a lengthy marathon. Her arm remained wedged between their bodies, fingers still buried to the hilt inside of Callie’s liquid heat, enjoying the sensation of closeness.

Callie lolled her head to the side, staring blankly at the ceiling above as stars and fireworks played out in front of her vision. If she’d had the mental capacity left to think straight, she would have been completely blown away by how hard Arizona had just made her come – the woman had just about fucked her stupid.

Arizona nuzzled into her neck, planting a kiss there as she waited for Callie to regain her senses. She felt more sated than she had in years as Callie rolled onto her side and hugged her closely.

They spent a few moments exchanging soft kisses, waiting until they both regained higher brain function. Arizona might have even dozed off for a moment or two, relaxing with her forehead pressed lightly into her partner’s.

“That was amazing,” Callie murmured, her voice crackling with exhaustion.

Arizona hummed in agreement. “Really amazing.”

“Want to do it again?”

Chuckling, Arizona peeled an eye open to fix her with a coy stare. “Sure. But you have to get me an energy drink from the fridge first.”

Callie groaned at the notion of having to get out of bed. “Maybe later,” she admitted sheepishly.

Arizona reached down and pulled the sheet back over them before they could get cold. Her eyelids were already drooping. “I think we broke just about every rule we ever made,” she pointed out, not sounding in the least bit sorry for it.

“Rules are stupid,” Callie said, caressing a hand along Arizona’s back. “We should burn them.”

“If that means I get to see you naked more often, then you’ve got my vote,” Arizona said with a growing smile.

“First thing tomorrow morning, we destroy that god awful piece of paper.” Callie knew full well that neither of them were in any shape to leave the bedroom right now.

“I think technically it _is_ morning.”

Callie craned her neck around and squinted at the alarm clock. “Damn. I never thought five-a.m sex could be so good.”

Laughing, Arizona shifted closer and curled up against her side. “I’m too tired to get up,” she whined, using Callie’s shoulder as a pillow instead.

“Me too.” Callie smiled into Arizona’s hair, curling a protective arm around her back and absently stroking her bicep. “Maybe we should try and get some rest.”

“M’kay,” Arizona mumbled, losing the battle to remain coherent. It took less than a minute for her body to succumb to the tantalizing seduction of sleep, all of her energy resources one-hundred percent depleted.

Callie rested comfortably against the pillows, listening to her girlfriend’s shallow breathing as the rain started to fall more heavily against the window.

Today was definitely a stay-in-bed kind of day if she did say so herself.


	12. Chapter 24

_June 11th, 2009_

 

Callie awoke to find herself pressed against Arizona’s back, one arm draped across her waist while the other tucked itself awkwardly beneath their pillow. Raindrops continued to pelt the window outside as she extracted her elbow and winced at the numbness in the joint.

Carpal tunnel syndrome aside, she was feeling pretty freaking fantastic right now.

The room was significantly lighter than it had been around sunrise, so she assumed they had been sleeping for a few hours. Arizona showed no signs of awakening yet, so Callie sank deeper into the pillows, burying her nose in the back of Arizona’s neck and smiling to herself.

As far as post-coital bliss went, this definitely ranked at the top of her list. She felt like a giddy teenager. Sure, they had slept in the same bed before, but having a naked Arizona in her arms brought things to a whole new level of amazing. As far as she was concerned, the only ‘rule’ they should be abiding by from here on out was ‘clothing optional’.

Happy thoughts like that kept Callie occupied while she dozed, waiting patiently for the other woman to stir. A short time later, she felt a shift on the mattress and instinctively nuzzled Arizona’s bare shoulder.

“Morning,” she muttered through a yawn, squeezing the blonde’s waist. Met with silence, she couldn’t help but feel extremely pleased with herself for wearing Arizona out. For someone with a disabling leg injury, she could be surprisingly spry when she wanted to be.

It was almost a full minute before Callie realized that her girlfriend’s breathing had become erratic and that the soft groan she uttered was from a state of unconsciousness. Frowning, she pushed herself onto an elbow and peered over Arizona’s shoulder. The realization that she might be in some distress caused Callie’s stomach to plummet – neither of them wanted to relive the post-op incident or what had happened at the pier.

“Sweetie, wake up,” she coaxed in a soothing voice, brushing a lock of hair away from her partner’s eyes. “You’re dreaming.”

Arizona was starting to curl in on herself, letting out an audible gasp and twitching in Callie’s arms. She mumbled something incoherent and turned her face into the pillow. The muscles in her bad leg went bowstring tight and Callie could feel them straining beneath the covers, raising concerns about re-inflammation in the orthopedic surgeon’s mind.

With a lump in her throat, she gave Arizona’s shoulder a gentle shake, not wanting to startle her too badly. Scaring the shit out of someone in the middle of a nightmare seemed counter-productive. “Wake up, baby. It’s just a dream.”

It took a couple of shakes before Arizona’s eyes finally popped open. She stiffened and glanced around, her heart jack-hammering with residual stress. As soon as Callie tried to tighten the hold around her waist, she automatically withdrew from it.

Callie stilled as Arizona sat up and studied her surroundings through bloodshot eyes, clutching one of the bed sheets to her chest. “It’s okay, it’s just me,” she said softly. “You were dreaming again.”

Arizona shot her a confused look, recognizing the concern etched deeply into her features. As the remnants of the nightmare began to dissipate, she felt a wave of shame come crashing down in its place. Of all the nights for her mind to play tricks on her, she was distraught that it had to be her first time with Callie.

Callie didn’t know how to take it when Arizona’s jaw tightened and she pulled away completely. She watched with a heavy heart as her girlfriend scooted to the opposite side of the bed and swung her legs over the edge, making sure the sheet was tucked tightly around her exposed body. It was really hard not to take it personally when Callie had been so sure that they had moved past this stage.

“Are you okay?” she asked tentatively, almost afraid to speak.

“I’m fine,” Arizona snapped, immediately regretting her harsh tone. She closed her eyes and released a small breath. “I just…I need a minute.”

“Okay.” Callie wet her lips and waited, feeling more nervous than she had the night before. She fiddled with the pillowcase as an awkward silence settled between them.

Arizona’s right leg gave a sharp twinge and she hissed in discomfort, leaning forward to dig her fingers into her kneecap.

Concerned, Callie shifted closer. “Is it swelling again? Let me see.”

Arizona jumped when she felt a hand on her back. “No, no, it’s – it’s nothing, I’m fine.”

Exasperated, Callie gently grasped her shoulder in an attempt to turn her around. “Arizona, would you just let me–”

“I said I’m _fine_ ,” Arizona cut in, jerking away once more. “Just…go back to sleep or something.” It was a weak argument and she knew it, but every time she felt Callie’s hand on her skin, it frayed her nerves.

The outright dismissal stung. Callie retracted, combing her fingers through her hair, her shoulders slumping in defeat. Not knowing what else to do, she moved away and stood up.

It took Callie climbing out of bed and reaching for her clothes to snap Arizona out of it. “Where are you going?” she asked warily, peering over her shoulder. She subconsciously held the cotton sheet tighter to her chest.

Callie fluffed out her t-shirt before hesitating. “I figured you wanted a moment alone,” she said carefully.

Disappointed in her own actions, Arizona slowly moved back into the centre of the bed, some of her defensiveness fading away. “Don’t go, I-I’m sorry. I’m good now, I swear. Please don’t leave.”

It was confusing to be told off one second and pulled back in the next, but it made Callie reflect on Arizona’s previous description of her bad nights. No matter what her own feelings were, she was mindful of how vivid and jarring episodes of PTSD could be, so she decided to cut her girlfriend some slack.

After a moment, she sat heavily on the edge of the mattress, meeting Arizona’s gaze across the short distance between them. Her heart ached at the wariness in the solemn blue eyes staring back at her. Arizona actually seemed to be a little scared of her right now, which was so completely different from the trust that had been there when they made love only hours before.

“Did this morning mean anything to you?” Callie whispered.

“What?” Arizona looked shocked, furrowing her brow. “Of course it–”

“It did to me, too,” Callie continued. She wasn’t trying to be a jerk, she just didn’t want them to take a step backward. “We shared this huge thing, but your first instinct is still to shut me out, like nothing’s changed. Only _everything_ has. At least, it has for me.”

Arizona dipped her head to gather her thoughts. “I know,” she said quietly. “And of course it meant just as much to me. It meant _everything_ to me.” She adjusted her grip on the sheet. “I’m sorry. I was…startled. I didn’t mean to get upset with you.”

Her sincerity made Callie feel bad about being so pushy. The last thing she wanted to do was to bully Arizona into feeling like crap. “I’m sorry too. I was just worried.” She paused. “You were having another nightmare, weren’t you?”

Arizona licked her lips and nodded slowly. “Yeah. I don’t really remember the details. I think you woke me up before I got in too deep.” Her eyes flickered up and she smiled shyly. “So…thanks.”

Callie returned the gesture, reaching out to clasp the limp hand resting in Arizona’s lap. “I don’t want to make things worse for you by being in your face. Can you tell me what I should or shouldn’t do so I’ll know for next time?”

“Next time?” Arizona echoed, lacing their fingers together. “You mean you actually want a repeat performance of the morning grizzly bear from hell?”

Even though she was cracking a joke, Callie’s shoulders drooped. By now she could spot the defence mechanism from a mile away.

“You still don’t get it, do you?” she said softly. “Nothing you ever say or do will scare me away. No matter how cranky you are in the morning, I’ll still be here.” She flashed her a playful smile, hoping to draw something other than gloom out into the open.

Arizona still seemed pretty upset, however. She blushed and abruptly looked away under the intensity of Callie’s gaze. “I just wish I could feel normal again,” she whispered. “I don’t want to keep ruining the good moments.”

“ _Nothing_ could ruin the good moments,” Callie said firmly. “Especially not the ones we just finished creating.” She waited until Arizona mustered up a tiny smile. “But you have to stop hiding from me when things get hard for you. Whether it’s the nightmares or even triggers like last night.”

Arizona failed to hide a grimace and darted her eyes away again. She was extremely uncomfortable talking about it but she knew this was something she had to get over. It wasn’t in her nature to show weakness, not even to someone she trusted as much as she did Callie. She had her dad to thank for that psychological mess.

“It feels like that’s all I do these days – fall apart and you have to pick up the pieces. It _sucks_.”

Callie sighed, tucking a wisp of blonde hair behind Arizona’s left ear. “It’s not like that. You can be yourself in front of me, even on the bad days.”

“But I’m not, though, I’m _not_ myself,” Arizona shot back, exasperated and raising her voice. Her eyes bore desperately into Callie’s for the first time since the conversation had started, pleading with her to understand. Every frustration she had been harbouring for the last six months came bubbling to the surface and it all came tumbling out before she could stop it.

“Last night – I hated that you saw me like that again, crumpled into a ball on the floor like some pathetic loser who can’t get the Boogieman out of her head,” she said in a wavering voice. “I-I’m not this, this… _person_ who gets panic attacks from loud noises, or who has nightmares and hallucinations that make it hard to sleep with the lights off. I’m not someone who freaks out because of a stupid video game that I’ve played a dozen times before. I’m not _me_ anymore, and you have _no_ idea how much it kills me that this is the only person you will _ever_ get to see.”

Callie’s heart broke as tears of frustration welled up in Arizona’s eyes, a few of them escaping down her cheeks. She wanted nothing more than to reach out to her but Arizona continued on before she could respond.

“I am not weak,” Arizona said hoarsely. “I am _strong_. I used to be strong. I used to be the one who would take care of you; who would protect _you_ from the nightmares a-and the bad days. I was someone who would take you out for an amazing night on the town before bringing you home and making love to you – without being afraid to take my stupid clothes off.” A small sob managed to escape and she had to bite down on her lip to stop another one from following.

A hard lump formed in Callie’s throat and she pulled her legs onto the bed again, moving to Arizona’s side and cradling her cheek in her palm. “Oh, honey…”

Despite the tears, Arizona looked almost angry when she focused on Callie again. “I was the kind of person who would stand up for the people I love instead of hurting them this way. I was the kind of person you deserve to be with and I’m not anymore. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do – this isn’t me, Callie, don’t you get it? I’m not _me_.”

There was a tiny part of Callie’s heart that jump-started at Arizona’s candid use of the ‘L’ word, but now wasn’t the time to interrupt with further inquiries. Instead she took Arizona’s face between her hands and pulled her into a gentle kiss, wanting to sooth the obvious distress rolling off of her in waves. She could feel the warmth of fresh tears pool against her thumbs and slowly drizzle down her wrist.

“Of course you are,” she whispered when their lips finally parted. “You _are_ you, even if you’re feeling a little bit lost right now. That doesn’t make you any less of the person you were before.”

Arizona let out an awkward hiccup-sob and squeezed her eyes tightly shut. “I’m really not helping your case right now.”

That made Callie smile as she swiped her thumbs across tear-stained cheeks. “Nothing about the woman I met four months ago was weak, Arizona. _Nothing._ The same goes for right now. You’re still the strongest person that I’ve ever known. I don’t know how many times I can keep telling you that, but I will if I have to.”

Arizona blinked her eyes open and pursed her lips, fixing Callie with a disbelieving look.

“Hey, you’ve had a lot of bad shit happen to you in the last few years, and yet you’re here with me, right now, because you refused to give up fighting,” Callie argued. “Just because some days are harder than others doesn’t mean you’re any less Arizona Robbins. It’ll get better, I promise. You’ll heal.”

Arizona heaved a weary sigh, rolling her eyes at herself. “Sometimes I wonder. It really doesn’t feel that way.”

“One day at a time.” Callie kissed her again, softer this time. Arizona was still fairly tense as Callie moved her lips along the side of her jaw, trailing a short path up to her ear. “No matter how hard it gets, I’ll be there with you every step of the way. Got it?”

In spite of her natural defensiveness, Arizona already felt closer to Callie than she ever thought possible. The idea of being all in was completely terrifying, especially because she felt so fractured on the inside, and _especially_ in moments like these. But if there was one person she could trust to not judge her for her damages, it was Callie. Cementing their physical relationship had only strengthened the connection she had felt from early on. There wasn’t a single soul on earth she could ever imagine opening up to the way they had only hours before. That had been the biggest step she had taken in her recovery to date, and she refused to let a minor setback destroy all of the hard work they had done to get there.

If Callie believed in her, wholeheartedly and despite the broken pieces she was still mending, then they could get through it together.

When the silence stretched on, Callie started to get worried. “Arizona?” she asked, pulling back to fix her with a worried frown.

Even though her eyes were still red, Arizona’s smile was much lighter this time as she leaned forward and covered Callie’s mouth with her own. It was like a sudden weight had been lifted from her shoulders – now Callie had literally seen everything there was to see; there were no more hidden surprises lurking in the shadows. As far as Arizona could tell, the only way to go from here was up.

Feeling as though they had averted a potentially day-breaking disaster, Callie broke the kiss and rubbed her nose across Arizona’s. “Do you want me to wake you up when you’re dreaming?”

Arizona slid a hand along the curve of her girlfriend’s hip, enjoying the bare skin beneath her fingertips. “Yeah. If it gets bad enough that you’re noticing, then…yeah.”

“Okay, I can do that.” Callie released a content sigh. “What else?”

“I don’t know,” Arizona admitted. She rested her forehead peacefully against Callie’s. “I guess we can figure it out as we go along. Maybe just...give me a minute to get my bearings straight? So I don’t wig out on you again?”

“So no touching once you’re awake?” Callie dragged the backs of her fingernails along Arizona’s ribcage, eliciting a delightful shiver.

Arizona smiled coyly. “Well, don’t run away, but yeah, I might need a second. Just let me know that you’re there and it’ll help.”

“Okay,” Callie repeated, curling an arm around the blonde’s waist. She tugged her in body closer, preparing to lie them both down. The sheet that was wedged between them proved to be a nuisance, keeping her from that wonderful skin-on-skin contact she was craving. “You’re too beautiful to cover up,” she pointed out, lifting a hand and waiting for permission.

An automatic blush flooded Arizona’s cheeks, but she bit her lip and nodded, letting Callie pull the material away. Callie untangled the blankets before throwing the set back over top of them both for warmth.

Arizona settled on her back and let Callie ease down on top of her. She still felt kind of exposed, but she was positive that she would get over the fear in no time. It was pretty hard to feel anything other than blissful as they lay tangled together beneath the covers – especially because Callie was just as naked as she was.

Grinning, Callie dipped down to steal a playful kiss, sensing a much lighter mood now. “Mm, this is better,” she murmured, allowing her mouth to wander down Arizona’s throat.

Arizona had closed her eyes and was relaxing into the sensation when she heard Callie chuckle against her skin. “What’s so funny?”

Callie lifted her head wearing an enormously smug grin. “I gave you a hickey.”

“Really?” Arizona cocked an eyebrow, fighting back a smile. “Wow. You’re lucky I don’t have a job to go to, Torres.”

“Scarves,” Callie pointed out, nibbling at Arizona’s bottom lip before shifting back to her neck. “Here, let me try for another.”

“No!” Arizona laughed and playfully pushed her away. “Down, girl.”

Pouting, Callie eased herself between Arizona’s legs, dropping a hand under the covers to run it along her side. “C’mon, where’s your sense of adventure?”

Arizona pretended to look thoughtful as she rubbed her left thigh sensually along the brunette’s hip. “Oh, I definitely have one. It’s just got a slightly... _different_ idea of how to spend the next twenty minutes.”

“Oh?” Callie feigned curiosity as her lips hovered just out of reach. “Twenty minutes? Is that a challenge?”

Grinning, Arizona slid a hand around the back of Callie’s neck and put an end to anymore discussion.

***

_June 22nd, 2009_

 

Things were noticeably different between them after that first night. Callie saw a new side to Arizona – it was subtle and seemingly unconscious, but she was more open with her affection and less likely to withdraw when things got tough. Their physical affection for one another hadn’t exactly been lacking before they slept together, but Callie quickly realized that Arizona had been holding back on some level. Now there was a spark in her eyes and an ease to her actions that made her seem that much happier with the way things were going. She was also more playful and teasing, which Callie could not emphasize enough how much she loved.

Three straight nights of sharing a bed – among other things – had Callie on cloud nine. They were forced to miss the fourth when she worked the late shift and didn’t want to wake Arizona up at four in the morning. But Arizona made it clear at breakfast that it shouldn’t even be an issue – she wanted Callie in the same bed, whatever the time of day or night. End of story.

After that, they alternated rooms. There was no real rhyme or reason beyond whichever felt closer or wherever Callie found Arizona passed out when she came home. More than once she had returned from work to find the blonde sprawled out in her bedroom, the TV still on or a book resting beside her as she drooled on a pillow. It was cute.

Twice in the first week of their new arrangement, Callie awoke to find Arizona trembling next to her. In both instances she had managed to calm her down without waking her up, and dutifully stood by until she was positive that the dreams would not return. It made for some tired mornings but she wouldn’t have it any other way. Arizona didn’t seem aware that anything had happened and that’s all Callie could ask for.

It was a little over a week later that she woke up alone for the first time. Arizona was due to meet her physical therapist at a nearby swimming pool bright and early, so Callie guessed that she had left without saying goodbye. It had taken a lot of convincing to get Arizona to agree to it in the first place, but in the end she couldn’t argue that it was an excellent way to build muscle strength in her leg.

Pouting at the sudden lack of morning sex to start her day, Callie slipped out from under the covers and rooted around the dresser for some clothing. Any other day and she would have gone back to sleep for a few hours, but she could smell bacon frying in the kitchen, which meant that Cristina was trying to cook. If the whole place didn’t burn down in the process, she would steal a few scraps for herself.

It was only in the middle of brushing her teeth that she remembered Cristina was at a conference in Boston for three days. Frowning at the mirror, she quickly washed up before heading down the hall and out into the main area of the apartment.

Arizona stood at the stove, scrambling a pile of eggs, and looked over with a bright smile. “Morning, sleepyhead. I thought I was gonna have to serve you breakfast in bed again.”

Callie paused at the edge of the kitchen, furrowing her brow. “What are you doing here?” she asked curiously, a magnetic pull guiding her eyes downward. She couldn’t help but notice what her girlfriend was wearing – one of Callie’s old t-shirts from Brown University. It was big on her and fell just below the hip, barely covering her underwear. She looked incredibly sexy, but it was also a little surprising. Even though Arizona had grown more comfortable with her body in private, Callie had yet to see her strutting around the apartment without any pants on.

Not that she was complaining.

However, she _was_ concerned about why Arizona was home instead of at the pool. “Did Jeff cancel on you at the last minute?”

Arizona paused in the midst of pushing eggs around with a spatula. She chewed on her bottom lip and debated lying. “Um…no, he didn’t. I called him.”

With her frown deepening, Callie padded across the kitchen and slid an arm around Arizona’s waist. “Is your knee swelling up again?” she asked, pressing a ‘good morning’ kiss to her temple.

Arizona let her eyes drift closed for a moment. “A little. I just wasn’t feeling up for it today.”

Pursing her lips, Callie extracted herself and leaned back against the counter, scrutinising Arizona closely.

Arizona avoided eye contact, tossing more cheese into the frying pan instead. “Don’t look at me like that. It’s not a big deal; I can go next week.”

Callie remained silent. She waited until the blonde finally looked her way before raising an eyebrow.

Sighing in exasperation, Arizona rolled her eyes. “Okay fine, I didn’t want to go, okay? I chickened out.”

Callie gently plucked the spatula from her hands and poked at the eggs to make sure they were cooked, then turned off the element. “C’mere.”

Arizona pouted as Callie gathered her into her arms. “I’m sorry. I just wasn’t comfortable with the idea of wearing a bathing suit when I woke up. It’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid,” Callie admonished, pushing hair away from her girlfriend’s eyes. “But you have nothing to be ashamed of. You look amazing in that one-piece you bought on the weekend.”

Even thinking about wearing that thing made Arizona blush. “Yeah, when it’s just you around. I don’t want to be gawked at by a bunch of grade-schoolers or frat boys while I try not to drown.”

“You swam competitively; I doubt you’ll have too much trouble getting back into it,” Callie pointed out. “And besides, anybody staring at you will be too distracted by how hot you are to care about a few scars on your leg.”

Smiling, Arizona rested her hands on Callie’s collarbone. “Always the smooth talker, huh?”

A slow grin spread across Callie’s face. “I only speak the truth,” she teased, leaning in for a soft kiss.

Arizona sighed happily into the familiar contact, momentarily forgetting her worries. “I should have gone. I’ve just never felt so self-conscious about swimming before; it’s weird.”

“You’ll get used to it again,” Callie encouraged. “Trust me, you’ll be glad that you went. Go a few times a week and I guarantee you will see major improvements in both strength and balance. It could really kickstart you into walking without a crutch or a cane again.”

“I wish we had a pool here,” Arizona admitted. “At least then it would be a little more private.”

That sparked an idea in Callie’s mind. “I might be able to work something out,” she said slowly. “If you want to ease yourself into things, we could go somewhere with just the two of us.”

Arizona looked curious. “Where? How?”

“I have my ways,” Callie said with a secretive smile. “Don’t worry about it for now. I kind of want to focus on the fact that you’re wearing my clothes.”

Arizona glanced down at the faded black t-shirt she had on and grinned. “You noticed that, huh? Is it okay?”

“Oh, more than,” Callie murmured, ducking her head to pull Arizona into another kiss. She linked both arms around the slender woman’s waist and very casually dropped a hand to her ass.

Arizona snickered and pulled away with a raised brow. “You got laid last night and you’re already wanting more?”

Callie stared at her blankly. “I don’t understand the question.”

Laughing, Arizona wiggled out of her arms and reached for the crutch she had leaning against the fridge. “Eat your eggs first. You’ll need the energy for round two.”

“More like five,” Callie muttered under her breath, interrupting the blonde’s quest for breakfast plates by snagging her around the waist and reeling her back in.

***

_June 24th, 2009_

 

“How did you manage this?” Arizona asked, peering out the car window at the dark YMCA in front of them. “It’s already closed.”

Callie turned off the wipers and killed the engine. “Friends in high places,” she mused, receiving a curious head tilt in return. “I called the building manager and arranged for us to rent it after hours,” she clarified.

“You rented it? As in the entire pool?” Arizona’s eyes widened. “Callie, that sounds really expensive.”

“Don’t even worry about it,” Callie said with a quick wave of her hand. “If it gets you into the pool and working out that gorgeous leg I repaired, it’s more than worth it. There won’t be anyone here but us.”

Arizona wasn’t entirely sure how she felt about Callie dropping a few hundred dollars in one evening for her sake. She was so nonchalant about it that Arizona had to wonder just how much money the Torres family really had. Ultimately she could not have cared less if Callie was the Queen of Europe or the Paper Bag Princess – she had a huge heart and that was all that mattered.

“Come on.” Callie got out of the car and moved around to help Arizona. They grabbed their bags and the crutches from the back seat, then headed through the drizzling rain toward the entrance. There they were met by an employee of the complex who led them inside.

Soon enough Arizona found herself sitting in the change room, taking in the eerie silence around her. Callie had gone to finalize everything with the staff member, telling Arizona to change and be ready by the time she got back. Despite being alone, she couldn’t help but fumble nervously as she took off her clothes and exchanged them for the blue women’s Speedo she had recently purchased. It was similar to what she used to wear when she raced in high school, but the familiarity didn’t wash away her fears. Changing somewhere that wasn’t within the comfort of her own home made her feel shy and awkward.

“We’re all set,” Callie announced as she reappeared, closing the door behind her. She paused mid-step and studied her girlfriend’s physique with an appreciative eye. “Wow. You look amazing.”

Arizona blushed but shot her a thankful smile, stuffing her street clothes into a locker. “Sorry I couldn’t wear a two-piece for you. Maybe someday when we visit the beach.”

Callie could dream about that all day long but she quickly shook it off. The last thing she wanted to do was make Arizona feel uncomfortable by ogling her – even if she was very ogle-able.

As Callie unpacked her swim bag and started to change, Arizona pulled out her cellphone and spotted a text message from Teddy. “Sounds like it’s hellish at the hospital right now. Be glad you’re not on-call.”

“Big accident?” Callie asked, switching her bra for a bikini top.

“She didn’t specify,” Arizona replied, still focused on texting Teddy back. “She says to tell you ‘hi’ and not to let me drown because I can be kind of a klutz. Gee, I love my best friend.”

Callie laughed as she tossed her clothes into the locker. She grabbed two towels from her gym bag and then added it to the mix, waiting for Arizona to put her phone away before locking everything up.

Arizona caught a glimpse of Callie in her peripheral vision and immediately did a double-take. Stunned, her lips parted for a full three seconds before she managed to speak. “Whoa.”

Callie smirked as she tied her hair up in a messy ponytail. “What? I’m a Miami girl, remember? Don’t look so surprised.”

Arizona continued to gape at the gorgeous form on display, covered only by a crimson red bikini top and bottom. It was revealing without going over the top, and it accented the brunette’s natural beauty in every way imaginable. She looked flawless in it – especially her legs. Arizona definitely had a thing for her legs.

And pretty much every other part of her body.

Arizona tried not to swallow her own tongue when she answered. “Uh…y-yeah, I know, it’s just…wow. You look…wow.” Suddenly she had completely forgotten why she was supposed to be nervous in the first place.

It never failed to amuse Callie how speechless she could make the blonde just by showing a little skin. She helped her stand and handed over one of the forearm crutches for balance on the way to the pool. “Come on. Let’s get you wet.”

Arizona nodded wordlessly. That wasn’t going to be a problem.

***

“You know, it’s hardly fair that you’re bribing me with how sexy you look. I won’t get this kind of treatment in my actual physical therapy sessions.”

“I should hope not,” Callie snickered from where she was treading water in the middle of the pool. She waited patiently as Arizona sat on the side wall. “Somebody’s gotta give you some incentive on your first time out. You’re over thinking things. Just get in and it’ll be like riding a bike.”

“I have a history of mishaps on two wheels. Remember the story I told you about falling down a hill? Not your best analogy.”

“Come on,” Callie urged, swimming closer and planting both feet on the bottom. She lifted her hands to rest them on Arizona’s lap. “I’ve got you, I promise.”

Arizona released a shaky breath, glancing around them out of habit. It was empty as could be, aside from the two of them. “Okay.” She gripped the edge of the pool and took a deep breath before easing herself into the water.

Callie immediately took hold of her waist, ensuring that it was a smooth transition. “There you go,” she said softly, giving the blonde an encouraging smile. Even when Arizona had both feet on the bottom, where the depth only came up to her chest, she held on tightly. “See? The hardest part is over.”

Arizona had to admit that it felt pretty good to be in the water again. She used to love swimming on a regular basis, even outside of competition. Wanting to immerse herself in the full experience - literally - she held her breath and dipped her head under.

Callie was grinning with pride by the time she re-emerged, causing Arizona to blush. “Stop it. I got in a pool; it’s nothing to write home about.”

“Don’t make me dunk you,” Callie shot back with a cheeky smirk. “Little things add up quickly. Now come on, follow me.”

Arizona watched her swim away before looking down nervously at her leg. Through the distortion of the water, it was almost impossible to make out the damage to her muscle or the scars on her knee. The water also made it easy for her to stand upright, something she hadn’t managed to do without support on land. It barely even hurt, provided she didn’t move around too much.

Callie tread water again while she waited for Arizona to gather herself. She watched as her girlfriend started taking small steps at first before finally going waterborne. “How does that feel?”

Arizona winced the first time she kicked her right leg and a dull ache resonated upward. She used mostly her arms to arrive at Callie’s side before doing her best to swim in place, despite still being within reach of the bottom. “It’s okay. Definitely stiff,” she replied. She was quickly becoming aware of muscles that had scarcely been used in months, just barely able to keep herself above the water line.

“If you’re feeling it, that means it’s working,” Callie said cheerfully, determined to maintain a positive attitude throughout the evening. “What do you want to do first?”

“I don’t know. You’re the orthopedic surgeon, what do you think?” Arizona winced again and dropped her left leg to the bottom, letting her right float weightlessly beside it.

“Tonight should be about having fun,” Callie suggested. “We don’t have to worry about the medical side of things just yet. Let’s get you used to the water again so the next time you’re out with Jeff, it won’t be so scary.”

“I’m pretty sure he’s the type that would just throw me into the pool if I don’t cooperate.”

“You could kick his scrawny little ass from here to Baghdad and he knows it,” Callie teased. “You’re sure he’s good with water training?”

“Yeah, he says he’ll work out a program for me once he sees what I can do,” Arizona said, flexing her leg underwater. “Which I’m assuming won’t be much at first.”

Callie squinted hard at her and suddenly threw a wall of water forward with a splash of her arm.

Arizona yelped and shied away, hit dead on by the miniature tsunami. “Callie! What the hell?”

“New teaching method,” Callie said smugly as Arizona shook water out of her eyes. “Every time you put yourself down, I either splash you or I dunk you.”

“What are you, five?”

Callie’s answer was to cup her hands together and squirt a jet of water right into her girlfriend’s face.

“Oh, two can play at this game,” Arizona challenged, taking in a deep breath before ducking under the surface.

Callie had little time to congratulate herself on goading the woman into forgetting about her worries. She felt a tug on her leg and fingers digging into her ticklish side, causing her to jump. She twisted around and her feet left the pool floor, which allowed Arizona to grab her around the waist and yank her under.

That set off a flurry of flailing limbs and playful shrieks. They acted like a couple of six-year-olds for the next ten minutes – splashing, grabbing; even an instance of elementary school hair pulling. Both were confident swimmers by nature and not afraid of accidentally drowning the other, which meant that there was some ‘accidental’ groping going on at the same time. Not a whole lot of traditional swimming techniques were used, and certainly nothing that could be considered ‘beneficial’ in the rehabilitation department.

It was the most fun Arizona had had in months.

Unfortunately, she had to cry ‘uncle’ when she surfaced a short time later, although not before leaping onto Callie’s back and throwing both arms around her neck like a clingy koala bear.

“Wait, wait, I give up,” she panted, holding on for dear life. “I need a…a second...can’t breathe...”

Callie grabbed Arizona’s forearm and debated dumping her into the water again, but instead she heeded the injured woman’s plea and dragged them both over to the side of the pool. She, too, was a little tired from their water antics. It wouldn’t hurt to take a break and make sure everything was still in order.

Arizona untangled herself and held onto the ledge, wiping hair from her eyes and breathing water from her nose. She shot Callie a silly grin, kicking her legs out to stretch some of her already sore muscles. “I see I’ve met my match. You’re part dolphin, aren’t you?”

“Yep,” Callie agreed with a triumphant smirk. At some point in the struggle her hair elastic had come out and she had to wipe away the wet strands plastered to her face. “I grew up in the waters of Florida. I wrestled alligators in my spare time. You don’t stand a chance.”

“I’m jealous of those alligators,” Arizona quipped, laughing when Callie pushed her against the pool wall and trapped her in place, one hand on either side of her body.

“You have nothing to be jealous of,” Callie husked in a low voice, leaning in and just barely brushing their lips together. She cocked her head to the side and lifted a curious eyebrow. “How’s your leg?”

Arizona swallowed thickly. “Sore, but nothing I can’t handle.”

“Let me see what I can do about that.” Without waiting for a reply, Callie plugged her nose and disappeared from sight.

Arizona jerked forward when she felt strong hands roaming up her leg, working over her sore muscles. A set of fingers wrapped around her upper thigh, giving it a firm, distinctly sexual squeeze.

“Oh, that’s cheating,” she mumbled to herself, even though Callie probably couldn’t hear her.

Underwater, Callie took her time in exploring all the way down to Arizona’s calf, doing what she could to ease some of the weary tension in the strained limb. As much as she was trying to help, she was also thoroughly enjoying the chance for an innocent bit of teasing.

When she eventually needed to breathe, she made a point of surfacing so close to Arizona that their upper bodies rubbed together in all the right places.

“Looking good down there,” she said brightly, making a show of sweeping her eyes down Arizona’s body. “Feeling good?”

“Among other things,” Arizona groaned, allowing Callie to pin her against the wall once more. She lifted her legs and wrapped them around her waist, thankful that the move was effortless in the water. Their lips meshed in a frenzy of breathless kisses and Arizona wasted no time in weaving her fingers through her girlfriend’s dark curls, tugging her harder into the embrace.

Callie released an appreciative moan, using her upper body to hold Arizona in place. Wandering hands fell beneath the water and wrapped themselves around the blonde’s quivering thighs, giving them an earnest tug forward.

The move made Arizona smile into the kiss, momentarily breaking the spell. “This isn’t very physically rehabilitative,” she murmured, gently nibbling on Callie’s bottom lip.

Callie’s amusement matched her partner’s. “Not for your leg, anyway,” she added in a husky voice, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

Arizona snickered and allowed herself to be drawn into another kiss, her tongue darting out to tango with Callie’s. This probably wasn’t what the building manager had in mind when he allowed them to rent the place out, but nobody was there with them and she would be damned if she didn’t take advantage of Callie in such sexy swimwear.

“Told you this wouldn’t be so bad,” Callie mused when they pulled back after a moment, stealing soft kisses in between words.

“You did,” Arizona replied, smiling as she wove her fingers into her girlfriend’s damp hair. “I guess that makes you right. Imagine that.”

Callie scrunched her nose and nudged Arizona with her hips. “Smartass.” She gave her thighs one final squeeze before releasing them and taking a back. “Just for that, you have to swim two laps before I’ll make out with you again.”

Arizona’s jaw dropped in mock offense. “Are you bribing me again? With sex?”

Callie turned away and swam a few lengths out into the pool. She glanced over her shoulder and gave a casual shrug. “Maybe,” she said innocently, then continued on her way.

Watching Callie start a half-lap toward the shallow end, Arizona shook her head and dragged her tired self over to the far back wall. She held onto the ledge so she didn’t drown in the deeper water, though she was fairly certain that Callie wouldn’t let her go under for too long.

Planting her feet on the wall and flexing her calf muscle to test its resistance, Arizona pulled in a few deep, calming breaths, then kicked off and flipped over onto her front, swimming freestyle.

Callie made it to the opposite side of the pool and turned to watch, breaking out into a huge smile when she saw Arizona coming toward her. “That’s it! You’re doing great!”

Never in her life had Arizona felt like there was an elephant strapped to her feet, pulling her in the opposite direction, as she did right now. She had to fight hard to stay above the surface and it almost felt as though she were swimming in one spot. Coordinating her right leg to kick at the same time as her left was proving difficult, as the movements were jerky and nowhere near as smooth as they should be.

It took much longer than she wanted to get to the end of the pool where Callie was cheering her on. Her arms burned something awful and her knee was throbbing in time with her heart, but nevertheless, she broke out into a breathless smile when she finally surfaced.

“Holy crap, that was terrible,” she gasped, easily laughing it off as she gripped the wall and pushed hair out of her eyes.

“Don’t make me dunk you again,” Callie scolded. She guided Arizona’s chin in her direction and planted a congratulatory kiss on her cheek. “You did great. Your technique is a thousand times better than mine.”

As sweet as the words were, Arizona rolled her eyes in a playful manner. “Thanks. So, can we make out now?”

“You’ve got one more lap to do,” Callie pointed out, pushing away from the wall and swimming backwards, keeping an eye on her. “C’mon, one more time and then I’ll let you rest.”

Arizona groaned and faced the wall again, dropping her forehead against the wet tile. “I’m exhausted,” she whined loudly. Her heart was still returning to a normal rhythm and she was pretty sure she would pass out midway through another lap. Her old swim coach would have had a few choice words for such a lazy, poor attitude, but right now she could not have cared less.

While she was still in the process of gathering herself for another attempt, Arizona felt something wet smack her on the back of the head. Thinking that Callie had thrown a pool toy, she wrinkled her nose and pulled it over her shoulder.

It was Callie’s bikini top.

She whirled around but Callie was already swimming away as fast as she could, splashing too much water for Arizona to catch a glimpse.

“Callie Torres, you are going to be the death of me,” she groaned to herself, fighting back a huge grin that was threatening to break free.

Twisting around, she pushed off of the wall and surged forward in hot pursuit.


	13. Chapter 25

_July 3rd, 2009_

 

Seattle was a truly wonderful place to settle and Arizona couldn’t imagine a more serene location in which to spend her recovery. The beginning of summer brought warmth and a thousand different shades of green to the landscape, drawing the population outside and breathing new life into the air. If she’d had full use of both legs, she would have enjoyed daily runs in one of the many parks lining the Sound. Together with Callie, she still managed to venture out for short walks here and there, her pain levels allowing.

The downside to living on the northwest coast, she had discovered, was the rain. For almost four days now the sun had been trapped behind a curtain of grey and a steady drizzle was starting to cramp her style. Rain meant a low pressure system had parked itself over the state and low pressure meant achy joints. This was particularly true the older those joints were – or, in Arizona’s case, the newer.

On the Friday before the Independence Day weekend, Callie spent the afternoon in their kitchen preparing a fresh batch of homemade soup to combat the cold spell outside. Arizona had gone for a ‘short’ nap around three o’clock and it had since turned into more than four hours of solitude. It was well past dinner time when Callie finally caved in and knocked on the bedroom door.

“Arizona?” She waited for a reply before repeating the action. “Can I come in?”

Hearing what sounded like a moan, she turned the handle and silently crept inside. The room was dark with the curtains drawn over the window, but after a moment she was able to spot Arizona resting face down on the bed. Her legs stuck out from the sheets wrapped haphazardly around her body and she looked like she hadn’t moved a muscle in hours.

“How are you feeling?” Callie asked, wincing on her girlfriend’s behalf.

“High,” came the hoarse response.

That made Callie chuckle, even as a flood of sympathy filled her belly. She kept the door open as she moved forward and climbed onto the mattress. “Is it helping?”

“No,” Arizona groaned into her pillow, making no move to turn over. She was relieved when a comforting arm slid around her waist and Callie’s soft lips grazed the side of her neck. “I think we should move to California. Or Nevada. Someplace dry and barren, where they’ve never even heard of rain.”

Callie let out a small laugh. “I’m sorry. This is the worst it’s been in a while, huh?”

“I took two super pills,” Arizona mumbled in defeat, finally mustering up enough energy to turn her face in the right direction. Even in the darkness, her eyes were hazy and full of discomfort. “I can’t feel my tongue, but it’s like the Hulk took a sledge hammer to the back of my leg.”

Frowning, Callie leaned in and kissed her forehead. “I’m sorry,” she repeated. “Taking more meds probably isn’t a good idea. Not if you want to function for the next twenty-four hours.”

“I know,” Arizona sighed, licking her lips and wishing she had some water. Her mouth felt like sandpaper. She also wished that her head didn’t feel like it was trapped inside a fish bowl, but that didn’t seem to be going away any time soon, either.

“I would be a terrible drug addict. This sucks.”

Callie smiled and tucked a lock of hair behind Arizona’s ear. “Just relax and enjoy the doctor-prescribed high. I know you hate taking them but it’ll get you through the night.”

That was the best outcome Arizona could hope for. “What time is it?” she asked tiredly, pushing weight into her forearms so she could glance at the alarm clock. For a moment she thought she was so high that she couldn’t even read time correctly. “Seven? I thought it was after midnight.”

“It’s almost seven thirty,” Callie clarified. She rubbed a soothing hand along the blonde’s lower back. “You should probably get something solid into your stomach. Think you can get to the kitchen okay?”

Arizona released another pitiful moan and dropped her face into the pillow. She hated this. Although the pain was diluted, her knee was pulsing in time with her heartbeat and she felt like a zombie from the Demerol. Being sluggish and not in control of her own body was awful. “Don’t know; I feel gross. Should probably just stay away from people until I can shower.”

“Well you’re not wafting or anything, so I think you can skip it for now,” Callie teased. Truthfully, she didn’t think Arizona could sit upright long enough to keep herself from drowning in the tub. “How about I help you change into something less sweaty?”

Arizona nodded and Callie climbed over top of her to get up. With some effort, Arizona rolled onto her side and watched her root around the dresser for something comfortable to wear. The smell of food subtly drifted into the room and reached her nose at the same time. “Dinner smells good. Sorry I missed it.”

“There’s plenty left,” Callie replied, fluffing out a white tank top and then searching for some pants. “Let me get you to the couch first and then I can put a meal together.”

“My hero,” Arizona said with a shaky smile. She watched Callie approach, knowing that something as simple as a fresh change of clothing would help her feel much better.

Setting the garments on the bed, Callie untangled Arizona’s legs from the blankets and carefully helped her into a sitting position. She grasped the front of the sweaty t-shirt and guided it up over her head. Arizona’s pale, clammy skin visibly shone in the soft light, and as gorgeous as Callie still found her to be, she was more concerned about her condition than admiring her fine physique.

“If I could feel my hands, I would totally be taking advantage of you right now,” Arizona slurred, flashing Callie what was supposed to pass for a sexy smile.

“Keep it in your pants, Casanova,” Callie smirked, waiting for clumsy arms to raise before sliding the clean tank top over them. Once it was in place, she dropped to her knees and rested her palms on Arizona’s thighs. “Can you stand up for me?”

It took two tries, but Arizona was finally able to settle some weight into the soles of her feet. She kept a hand on Callie’s shoulder for balance, watching her take the utmost care in guiding the cotton shorts down her legs. Not for the first time, she wished she was in better shape and able to enjoy the moment.

Callie was the perfect gentlemen, however, helping Arizona step out of her shorts without so much as a teasing grope. She rolled each pant leg up and fit them over her feet, guiding the material to her waist before tying the drawstring in a loose bow. As a final gesture, she had Arizona sit down again so she could fit her with some warm socks.

“Better?” Callie asked, sitting back on her heels and looking up.

Arizona nodded wordlessly and leaned forward, showing her appreciation with a small kiss. “You are awesome.”

“So I’ve been told,” Callie murmured, grinning. Her eyes dropped to the injury situated between them. “Can I take a peek at your knee?”

Too stoned to protest, Arizona nodded and let Callie push the pant leg up to expose the achy joint.

Alternating between focusing what she was doing and watching for a reaction, Callie began to massage the lower half of Arizona’s leg, starting with her knee and working her way down to her calf. There was more bulk to the muscle than the last time she had done this, which made her smile. Arizona had been swimming for two weeks now and the difference was noticeable.

“Ouch,” Arizona grimaced as Callie’s attention wandered back up to her knee. “You’re not gonna stick a giant needle in there again, are you?”

“No, there isn’t any fluid build up, it’s just swelling,” Callie said reassuringly. She worked for another thirty seconds before giving the leg a final squeeze. “C’mon. Let’s get you settled on the couch and eating, then I’ll give you another rub.”

“A sexy rub?” Arizona asked in a weak attempt at flirting.

Rolling her eyes in a playful fashion, Callie stood up and took Arizona’s hands. “You have even less tolerance for drugs than you do for alcohol. But I guess that’s a good thing.”

“Hardy har har,” Arizona pouted, squeezing Callie’s arms to stop herself from swaying as she stood. “Can you get my crutches, please?”

“I’ll do you one better,” Callie said confidently. Bracing herself, she went for a dramatic arm sweep in grand fashion, only to send them both toppling over when she lost her balance and nearly dropped Arizona on her ass. They stumbled backwards and landed in a crumpled heap on the floor, completely killing the moment in one fell swoop movement.

A profuse blush invaded Callie’s cheeks while Arizona started to giggle hysterically, apparently finding the whole thing funny as hell.

“Now who’s the ‘Casanova’?” Arizona wheezed, lying sprawled on top of the brunette in the middle of her bedroom floor. “Very smooth, Doctor Torres.”

“Shut up,” Callie whined, wiggling out from underneath the tangle of limbs and clambering to her feet. “I was trying to be chivalrous, but you’re not exactly a stick bug anymore.”

Arizona gasped in mock offense as she was hauled upright by a strong hand. “Are you calling me _fat?_ ”

Callie swatted her in the thigh and snagged an arm around her slender waist. “No, I’m saying that you’re _healthy_ again, not to mention in crazy good shape right now. I might need to try a little harder if we’re gonna do the whole ‘me carrying you’ thing.”

“I think for of both our sakes, it’s safer if I walk,” Arizona snickered, curling a hand around Callie’s neck and planting a kiss of appreciation on her cheek. “But thank you, that was very sweet.”

Still embarrassed about the failed display of romanticism, Callie retrieved the crutches and helped Arizona steady herself on them. Then she swept an arm out to the side, gesturing toward the door. “After you, SheHulk.”

***

Arizona settled on their couch as Callie puttered around the kitchen, cozy and warm under a pile of blankets while she watched reruns of _House Hunters International_. It was hard to focus on much of anything with the strong painkillers swimming through her veins, so for the most part she just lay there and tried to stay awake.

“Dinner is served,” Callie announced a few minutes later, bustling into the living room with a tray full of food.

Arizona sat up and leaned against the armrest for support. Her eyes widened significantly when the tray was balanced in her lap. “Yummy. What do we have here?”

“Gouda panini, butternut squash soup, and homemade lemonade,” Callie said proudly, stepping back to survey her work. “Bon appétit.”

Arizona gazed adoringly at her girlfriend. “You’re amazing. I don’t know how I ever got so lucky.”

Callie grinned mischievously as she flopped down, easing Arizona’s blanket-covered feet into her lap. “Oh, the surprise isn’t over yet.”

Arizona frowned as Callie switched television sources and turned the DVD player on with the remote. Her heart leapt as the title menu for _The Sound of Music_ appeared on-screen. “Aw, you remembered!”

“Remembered?” Callie echoed, lifting an eyebrow. “How could I forget? That was like our very first date. It was one of the best afternoons I’ve ever had.”

There didn’t need to be three-hundred milligrams of narcotics in her system for Arizona to melt into a puddle of warm and gooey feelings on the inside. Before she could even begin to search out the right response, one that would convey exactly how much the woman meant to her, Callie hit ‘play’ and the introductory credits began to roll. It took considerable effort for Arizona to focus on the food in her lap instead of her partner.

Being open with her feelings was never something she had been good at. Callie stirred up emotions that she rarely knew how to express, especially to the extent that she felt them. There was no doubt in Arizona’s mind that Callie was a huge reason for the last few weeks being so successful, and there were no words to properly express the gratitude she felt because of that – at least, not while she was this impaired. It was probably better to keep her mouth shut and wait until she was more coherent. Otherwise she was likely to pull a verbal version of their collapse only minutes before.

As she ate hungrily and gulped down the refreshing glass of lemonade, Arizona realized that she would be okay with a chronically sore knee if it meant she got to spend the next fifty years on this couch with Callie. That sounded like a pretty good deal to her.

***

_July 5th, 2009_

 

Arizona awoke to the sensation of lips ghosting across her bare shoulder. She was naked in her own room, lying on her stomach with an arm dangling precariously over the side of the bed. The world beyond her closed eyelids appeared agonizingly bright, causing her to groan and turn her face into the pillow. Waking up seemed inhumane at whatever hour this was.

Callie perched on the edge of the mattress, fully clothed and ready for work. “Shh, go back to sleep,” she whispered, sweeping messy blonde curls to the side and pressing a warm kiss to the back of Arizona’s neck.

“Mm,” Arizona murmured, releasing a contented sigh. “Leaving already?”

“Yeah,” Callie replied, wistfully thinking how nice it would be to crawl back under the covers instead. “Wish I could stay here. Bed-head Arizona is kind of sexy.”

A lazy smile formed as Arizona turned her face to the left. “Bed-head Arizona would like very much to have her way with naked Callie,” she mused, stifling a huge yawn and finally rolling over. “Gimme a minute to get dressed, I’ll make you some coffee.”

“There’s already a cup in the kitchen for you,” Callie said as she leaned down and captured Arizona’s lips in a proper kiss. “Just go back to sleep. You’ve got a few hours before you need to be up.”

Arizona wrinkled her nose and emitted a pitiful whine. “Don’t wanna,” she argued, grasping the front of Callie’s jacket with both hands and tugging her down. “Stay here. Play hookie with me.”

As tempting as the offer was, Callie knew she had a lot of patients to see today. She rested an elbow on the opposite side of Arizona’s body, tracing a thumb along her temple. “What time are you seeing Jeff?”

Arizona’s stomach twisted into knots. “Two o’clock,” she said in a thick voice. “I can come find you after.”

Callie dipped her head and brushed her lips across Arizona’s collarbone. “Can I watch?” she asked, knowing that today was important.

“If you want,” Arizona said hesitantly. Truth was, she was nervous as hell, and the idea of failing in front of Callie didn’t exactly give her the happy butterflies.

Today was the first time in six weeks that she was going to try and walk on her own. No support system, no one by her side to catch her if she fell. She would be using the parallel bars that had been her physical therapy sidekick for these last few months, but the goal was to get from one end to the other without any assistance in the middle. Up until now, her right leg had been too weak to do anything other than buckle when she put her full weight on it. She was a master at hobbling around with a crutch by her side, but this was a really telling moment when it came to her future. Walking today meant that she could have a normal life again in some capacity.

Being unable to bear weight on her leg meant that she might as well concede to her fate: the damage was done and she was stuck with a life of using permanent walking aids to get around, thus lowering her chances of ever becoming a surgeon again.

Arizona was even more terrified of failing in front of Callie, who had put so much hard work into getting her there and who was _so_ excited to see her succeed. She knew Callie would be upset if things didn’t go as planned, and the last thing she wanted was another embarrassing cry-fest in the arms of her ridiculously supportive and awesome girlfriend. These days Arizona was trying to stay positive and focus her efforts on having good moments instead of worrying about the bad. Having another frustrating setback wasn’t in her long term plans.

“Promise you’ll come find me first,” Callie said with an encouraging nudge. “I want to be there to cheer you on.”

Arizona worked up a shaky smile and nodded. “I’ll get there early and look for you.”

Having expected some resistance on the matter, Callie’s smile shone radiantly. “Okay.” She stole another kiss. “Get some rest. You’ll be awesome today, whatever happens.”

Arizona fought the urge to pull Callie back into bed with her as she got up. She smiled when Callie waved and closed the door behind her, then released a heavy sigh and rolled over again.

If she could fast forward to five hours from now, she would do so in a heartbeat. Waiting was proving to be a hundred times worse than actually setting foot in the gym itself.

***

“Teddy.”

Dr. Altman looked up from the computer just as Arizona appeared behind it. “Hey there. I was beginning to think you’d fallen into a sinkhole or something.”

Arizona grinned crookedly, drumming her fingers along the counter. “Nope. I’ve just been working. Doing the physical therapy thing, working like a dog to get my legs back under m–”

“I hear Torres is pretty ‘under’ you these days, too,” Teddy cut in, shooting her friend an impish smile.

A deep blush turned Arizona’s cheeks rosy. “She told you?”

Teddy’s eyes twinkled. “She came into work a couple of weeks ago practically skipping circles around the ER with a flock of Disney animals on her heels. I put two and two together.”

Arizona laughed as her best friend stood up and came around the desk. “Sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. We’ve just been enjoying getting to know each other on a more…personal level. It’s all very new.”

“I get it,” Teddy said without a trace of annoyance. They simultaneously started down the hallway at an easy stroll. “I’m just glad to see you. If Torres hadn’t looked so happy, I would have started worrying that you’d moved back to California without telling me.”

Guilt instantly smacked Arizona in the forehead. “I’ve turned into one of those people that ditches their best friends for sex, haven’t I? I’m so sorry.”

Teddy seemed rather amused by it, however. As the one person who understood Arizona Robbins better than Arizona Robbins did herself, she wasn’t fazed. “I’ve been working non-stop anyway. If I ever manage to get a full weekend off, we should do a road trip to Portland or something.”

“That would be great!” Arizona exclaimed, perking up significantly at the idea. “And while we’re there, we can pick you up a nice hunk of hipster meat to fool around with.”

Teddy looked highly disturbed at the exuberance Arizona showed in formulating such a plan. “Uh, no thanks. I’m good. You just concentrate on getting yourself laid.”

“Oh, I’m concentrating on that plenty,” Arizona smirked.

“Speaking of,” Teddy continued, hoping to move the conversation away from the absurd mission of finding her a one-night stand. “Torres told me she had an emergency surgery come up, but to page her when you’re here for your appointment. She was still going to try and make it. I take it something big is happening?”

The giddiness brought on by the prospect of a road trip instantly vanished. “Yeah,” Arizona said weakly, swallowing hard as she pushed the ‘up’ arrow outside of the elevator. “Today I try and walk like I’m not missing half my leg and full of machine parts that hurt like a bitch.”

Teddy shot her a surprised stare as they stepped onto the platform. She stuffed her hands into her lab coat pockets. “Wow, that’s pretty huge. How are you feeling?”

“Nervous,” Arizona admitted, then added, “terrified. Like I might crap my pants or jump out a window. It’s all very non-logical and shouldn’t even be a big deal. If I haven’t managed it by now, I shouldn’t be getting my hopes up.”

“Arizona,” Teddy scolded.

“I’m just being realistic,” Arizona argued. “I’m what…three months post-op? Seven and change since getting injured? There are snails that walk at a faster pace than me.”

“By all accounts, you shouldn’t even _have_ a leg right now,” Teddy shot back, cocking an eyebrow. “The fact that you’re even walking around on crutches is impressive. So what if you end up needing a cane in the end? We can pimp it out, get you walking around in style.”

Arizona grinned, staring up at the indicator light above the door.

“You’re wearing your dog tags,” Teddy pointed out, nodding at the lucky charm that hung around the blonde’s neck. “Which means that you must have some sort hope.”

“I figured an extra boost of cosmic juju would help,” Arizona sighed. That earned a big eye roll from the cardio surgeon.

“Just don’t count yourself out yet,” Teddy added. “You’ve been working your ass off and you’re in better shape than I have ever been, and I have _two_ functioning legs. Bitch.”

Arizona snorted, though suddenly her heart constricted in her chest and she flexed her palms against the crutches. “What if I never walk on my own again? Then what am I supposed to do with my life?”

They were one floor away from their destination when Teddy reached out and pulled the stop button. She turned to face her best friend with a patient smile in place. “You’ll figure it out. You always do.” She reached out and grasped Arizona’s forearm, giving it a firm squeeze. “You are Arizona freakin’ Robbins. When life throws an obstacle in your path, you dropkick it over a cliff and find another one, lighting things on fire as you go, rousing the villagers and leading the rebellion. I think you can handle whatever comes your way.”

Arizona grinned and ducked her head. “So you’re saying that if I’m a one-legged pirate for the rest of my life…?”

“Then you’ll get yourself a crew full of hotties and go steal some poor bastard’s treasure,” Teddy confirmed. “But before you make plans to buy a ship and a wooden peg leg, maybe you should find out if you even need it. Go in there and try your best, and we’ll figure it out from there. Callie and I won’t let you do it alone.”

Arizona released a breath she didn’t even realize she was holding. “Okay,” she finally agreed. “You’re right. Again. Damn, where were you last week when I was freaking out about nerve clusters and joint pain?”

“I was working,” Teddy said smugly, reaching out to get the elevator started again. “Some of us have real jobs.” She flashed Arizona a playful wink.

When the doors popped open and deposited them on the fifth floor, Arizona was just as nervous as she had been upon arriving at Seattle Grace. One way or another, she would know by the time she emerged from the training room in an hour what her fate would be. After that, she could attempt to start planning her life again.

“I really wish I could stay and watch, but I’ve got to be scrubbed in in twenty minutes.” Teddy glanced down at her pager. “Do you want me to get Torres for you?”

“Nah, that’s okay,” Arizona said quickly. “I’m gonna send her a text while I change and let her know I’m here. You go and rock a surgery in my name. For old time’s sake.”

Teddy addressed her with a mock salute and started walking backwards. “Aye aye, Captain Robbins.”

Arizona grinned. “Hey, if I’m gimped for life, you’re gonna help me pick out a peg leg and new outfit to go with it,” she called after her.

Teddy threw a haphazard wave over her shoulder before disappearing around the corner.

Once again jittery with nerves, Arizona fumbled for the cellphone in her pocket, staring long and hard at the blank screen once it was in her grasp. Her thumb hovered over the lock button as she thought about Callie, who was somewhere in this building, waiting for her call.

Fact: Callie was in the OR. She had patients that were counting on her and a job that was way more important than some stupid physical therapy appointment.

Fact: for all Arizona knew, today could be a total letdown and waste everyone’s time.

Fact: Callie had better things to do than watch her girlfriend get sweaty and push weights around on the floor.

At least, that’s what Arizona told herself as she dropped the device back into her jacket and took off towards the change rooms. She would call Callie after the appointment if there was something good to report.

***

“Torres!”

Callie glanced over her shoulder, mid-reach across the same desk her girlfriend had been at twenty minutes earlier. She was still in her scrub cap and had yet to change from surgery. “Hey, Teddy. Yang’s already salivating over your transplant patient in OR one,” she said, grabbing the file she was after before straightening up again.

“I’m on my way there now,” Teddy replied, busy tying her own scrub cap. “I just wanted to make sure Arizona got a hold of you. She’s upstairs right now with the PT guy.”

Callie’s chest tightened and she looked around for the nearest clock. “Crap, I lost track of time. She was supposed to message me when she got here.”

Teddy pursed her lips, knowing full well that any excuses Arizona came up with later would be total bullshit. “That might be my fault. We got talking on her way up there and she seemed distracted. But if you go now you can probably catch the last half of her session.”

Callie gnawed indecisively on her bottom lip. “Are you sure I should? She didn’t call me for a reason. Maybe I should just give her some space, let her do this without the extra pressure of me hovering around.”

Teddy tilted her head to the right. “Am I going to have to superglue you two together or something? You’re both so clueless sometimes.”

Callie blinked. “Uh–”

“Torres, she wants you there. She’s just too proud to admit that she’s scared. _Go_.”

That was all the encouragement Callie needed. She sent Teddy a thankful smile before leaving the file on the desk and sprinting for the stairs.

***

Physical therapy was like a cross between going to the gym and getting her ass kicked by her own body. Only twenty minutes into her session and Arizona was already sweating up a storm. The mastermind behind her recovery, Jeff Porter, had already helped her stretch and put her through some paces on a stationary bike, followed by several sets on the leg press to test her resistance and musculoskeletal strength. Then he had her sit on a floor mat while he fitted her knee with a temporary brace.

The first time Arizona met Jeff was when she was still a patient of Seattle Grace–Mercy West hospital. They hadn’t exactly gotten off on the right foot, but back then she was angry at the world and on a lot of morphine – not exactly a great combination for making friends. Over the last few months they had eased into a more mutually respectful relationship, one where she wasn’t afraid to tell him when he was being a douche and he wouldn’t bullshit her on how bad her injuries were. They worked well together and he seemed confident that she could get where she needed to go.

“I still don’t think my knee is the main problem,” Arizona told him while she tried to catch her breath. “I mean, it’s not great, but it’s the lack of muscle definition and weakness in the bone structure that are causing the issues. The joint’s not getting any support from below.”

As he strapped the brace on and wrapped a tensor bandage around it for good measure, Jeff fixed her with a wry smile. “I know you’re a surgeon, Dr. Robbins, but shut up and let me work my magic here. I told you, today is the day. The brace will help. Have you been keeping weight off it like I told you to?”

“Yeah,” Arizona mumbled, though she looked guilty when he shot her a pointed glare. “Mostly. It’s not like I went for a run or anything, and I’ve been using the crutches.”

“Well, lucky for you, the swelling has gone down anyway and I’m not feeling any heat, so we should be good to go.” Jeff stood up and held out a hand, hauling Arizona to her feet. He positioned himself on her right side so she could use him for support.

They moved over to the parallel bars, with Arizona carefully testing her leg every step of the way. There was a sharp sting that travelled from her lower calf to mid-thigh, but it was much less painful than it had been in the past. In any case, it didn’t cause her leg to buckle out from under her.

That was a small thing comparatively, but it sent a surge of hope through Arizona, even as she tried to keep some realistic expectations in place. She _had_ spent the last three days not bearing too much weight on the limb, all in an effort to get the swelling down for today. She didn’t practice walking without support at home anymore, because the first time that happened, she found out the hard way that the parallel bars existed for a reason. There was a pretty nasty bruise on her side from where she collapsed into her dresser in an attempt to break her fall. Since then, she had saved the hard stuff for when she was somewhere with a padded floor and no sharp corners.

It was only when she was situated at the end of the parallel bars that the fear finally kicked in to high gear. It was irrational and had no specific source, she was just afraid of what was about to happen. Until now, she had been ignoring all questions about her future – but she knew her heart of hearts that she was a surgeon. Having that option taken away from her was suddenly the worst possible thing that could happen, because then she was left with nothing. Yes, she had a wonderful relationship with a woman that she cared about more than anything, but it didn’t mean she wanted to be stuck at home, watching the Food Network while eating a pound of chocolate every day just because she was bored. That was hardly a version of herself that she could picture Callie being attracted to. A sexy, kickass surgeon was much more impressive than a couch potato with an axe to grind.

Jeff had stepped away and let Arizona settle in, keeping an eye on the positioning of her legs. “Ease your weight down, don’t go too fast.”

“Ya think?” Arizona shot back, gradually evening out the distribution between her feet. Her palms were wrapped tightly around each metal bar, ensuring that she had ample support for the time being.

“How does that feel?”

“It’s…okay,” she said slowly, testing out the injury as she shifted her weight back and forth. “Sore, but I think it’s better. The brace helps a lot more than I was expecting it to.”

“Good.” Jeff crossed his arms, watching every tiny movement she made with the eyes of a hawk. “Don’t be afraid to use the bars for support at any point if it’s too much. We can still work up to walking without them. One step at a time.”

Arizona felt like using the bars to hold her weight would be cheating and she fully planned on ignoring the suggestion. She had been using them for support for three months now. Jeff meant well, but she was going to walk ten steps like a normal person, even if it killed her or broke more bones in the process.

“Any other brilliant words of advice?” she asked him.

“Yeah,” he smirked. “Don’t fall on your face.”

That made Arizona laugh. “Knew I was paying you the big bucks for a reason.” She licked her lips and eased off of the hand rails, testing her knee and finding that it was holding up with the help of the brace-wrap combination. Bones creaked, muscles strained, but nothing buckled out from under her. Yet.

“It’ll probably feel a little bulky at first,” Jeff explained, walking in a slow semi-circle to the other side of the equipment. “We can alter sizes once we know what type of brace works best for your condition, and whether or not it’s a temporary or permanent requirement.”

Arizona had tuned him out by now, focusing instead on what she needed to do. Her eyes drifted up the path laid out in front of her – what only amounted to maybe ten feet between her and the end suddenly seemed like a marathon distance. She repeated over and over again in her head that she was not to touch the rails at any point, not until she made it at least that far.

Jeff had finally stopped talking and stepped back a few paces, allowing her to work through the mental battle in her own time. She stood there for almost a minute, waiting for the other shoe to drop and something to go wrong before she could even start. When it didn’t, Arizona subconsciously reached up and fiddled with the dog tags that spilled from the neckline of her t-shirt. They were comforting and familiar, and the symbolism of what they meant wasn’t lost on her. Tim had died before he could get here, but now she had a chance to take a step forward for them both. 

Sucking in a deep breath, Arizona clenched her fists and allowed them to hover above the parallel bars for emergency purposes only. She shifted all of her weight onto her left leg and moved the right one forward, feeling a flare of annoyance rise up when the motion was jerky and uneven. Her shoe fell flat against the rubber mat and she took an awkward step. An immediate tightening of muscles, ligaments, tendons and nerve clusters sending a warning signal to her brain – pain. She flat-out ignored it and completed the movement by bringing her left leg even again.

Step one and she hadn’t fallen on her face. It wasn’t perfect, but it could have been much worse.

Arizona tried to keep her mind blank and free of distractions as she went for two. This time it was less of a lurch but still very shaky. A muscle spasm made her wobble and her face pinched into a grimace, nearly making her grab the parallel bars out of sheer habit. Both hands flexed dangerously close to the metal, sharp fingernails biting into her skin as her willpower won out instead.

Two down, eight to go.

“Bend your knee a little more on each lift and straighten your back,” Jeff called out, not wanting to cause too much of a distraction. “Think of your natural posture and ease into the movements.”

Knowing that she would topple over if she looked anywhere but down and forward, Arizona followed his advice and made the next step quicker, and the one after that. It hurt, there was no denying it, but not enough for her to collapse.

Six steps and no embarrassing falls later, the fear she was holding onto suddenly began to dissipate.

A bead of sweat rolled down Arizona’s forehead and she was shaking from the effort, but no amount of exhaustion could keep a huge grin from forming the closer she got to the end. There was a visible hitch in her step, an unmistakable limp, but she counted the last four out in steady succession before stopping at the end with all of her dignity intact.

“Yes!” Jeff exclaimed, pumping a fist in the air on her behalf. “See? What did I tell you? That was awesome!”

Arizona had never been so happy about possessing the ability to put one foot in front of the other. It wasn’t perfect and her movements were very rough around the edges, but given how _long_ it had been since she had done something so simple…yes, she was proud of herself. Sweaty, gross, and likely to be sore later that night, but proud all the same.

Only then did she allow herself to grab onto the parallel bars for support, an elated laugh escaping into the otherwise silent room. She was a little mortified to feel tears prickling at the corners of her eyes, but it was as though an enormous boulder had been lifted from her chest and she could breathe again. Her second chance at life had finally arrived.

She lifted her eyes from their spot on the floor and immediately locked onto the set of dark brown watching from the doorway. Arizona didn’t need to wonder how long Callie had been standing there because the smile her girlfriend was wearing said it all.

In that moment, Arizona was so glad that Callie was with her for this that it was second nature to release the rails and take another step forward, off of the floor mat and away from the safety of the balance apparatus.

As soon as Callie realized what Arizona was doing, she strode into the room, no longer worried about interrupting the blonde’s solo moment of glory. Arizona had earned every right to bask in it, after all. Seeing her walking– literally walking – made Callie’s heart soar.

The next few steps Arizona took were the best of the entire set. She managed three jerky strides forward before being engulfed in Callie’s welcoming arms, laughing as she was just about lifted off of the floor entirely.

“I am _so_ proud of you right now,” Callie murmured into Arizona’s shoulder, burrowing her nose into the sweaty t-shirt without a single care in the world. She hugged her girlfriend’s waist so tightly that she never wanted to let go.

Arizona threw her arms around Callie and held on as though her life depended on it. “I love you,” she whispered hoarsely, a trickle of warmth running down her cheek.

Callie’s heart stopped beating at those three simple words. She felt Arizona nuzzle into the crook of her neck and held on even tighter, a rush of jumbled emotions nearly consuming her on the spot – joy, gratitude, love, elation. No one had ever said ‘I love you’ to her before and truly meant it, at least not as far as she could tell in hindsight. She had always been the first one to say the ‘L’ word – until now.

“I love you too,” Callie murmured in a rush, forcing down the lump in her throat. She pulled away from the hug and captured Arizona’s mouth in a reaffirming kiss, closing her eyes and basking in how good it felt to be her right now.

Arizona smiled into Callie’s lips, weaving both sets of fingers deeply into her hair. For the second time in five minutes, it felt like a weight had been surgically removed from her shoulders. Nothing else mattered – no personal demons, not her own emotional shortcomings. Arizona Robbins was in love with Calliope Iphigenia Torres and would spend the next hundred years telling her so if she got the chance.

Breaking the kiss meant that Arizona got to look into Callie’s eyes for the first time since the declaration. She was surprised to see tears brimming along their glassy surface, and lifted a hand to delicately cup her cheek. “I’m so glad that you’re here,” she admitted, fighting back more waterworks of her own. She was simultaneously happy and completely exhausted, both of which caused her to lean into the embrace.

Callie didn’t dare let go of her waist. “C’mon, let’s sit down for a moment,” she encouraged, nodding to a nearby weight bench.

Jeff had hovered in the background until now and busied himself cleaning up the session’s supplies. “How about we pick it up later this week?” he suggested. “You deserve some rest.”

A part of Arizona thought it was silly to need ‘rest’ after taking what amounted to ten baby steps, but those baby steps were such a big deal that she was definitely ready to celebrate. She hobbled alongside Callie and sat down on the bench, unable to take her eyes from the woman who knelt in front of her.

“Thanks,” Arizona called over to her physical therapist, breaking eye contact with Callie long enough to shoot him a thankful smile. “Next time you see me, I’ll be running circles around the both of you.”

“Let’s take it easy at first, shall we?” Callie mused, slipping the wrap and knee brace from Arizona’s leg. She furrowed her brow and looked thoughtfully at the device before handing it over to the PT. “It’s a little big around the top end. I might be able to find something slimmer and more supportive if you think it’ll help.”

“I’ll let you know this week if I can’t find another one,” Jeff replied. He rested a hand on Arizona’s shoulder and gave it a brief squeeze. “Great job today, Robbins. I’ll see you in a few days.”

Arizona grinned and watched him leave before refocusing on the girl in front of her. “I can’t believe I just did that. Thirteen whole steps and I didn’t even fall on my face.”

“I’m starting to think the clumsiness is all an act, designed to get some sympathy foot rubs,” Callie chuckled, running her hands along Arizona’s bare thighs. Her fingers rounded the curve of firm muscle beneath them and dipped just underneath the hem of her shorts. “Can I take you home now? Please?”

“You don’t have any patients?” Arizona leaned forward and circled her arms around Callie’s neck.

Callie straightened up on her knees and satisfied Arizona with another kiss. “I got Shackner to take over my last surgery of the day. I wanted to celebrate with my girl.”

“Or console my shattered soul if I failed miserably and turned into a crying bag of bones?” Arizona joked, earning herself a sharp glare in return. “Sorry. Habit.”

“Not for much longer I hope,” Callie scolded, tilting her head up for a soft kiss. “I really am proud of you, you know. You are so unbelievably strong, and courageous, and…so, _so_ hot in that outfit, by the way,” she added, tugging suggestively on Arizona’s dog tags. The tight shorts, fitted t-shirt, and the lean muscle underneath were all very distracting.

Arizona snorted and brushed her lips across Callie’s jaw. “I’m stinky, but I guess that’s the price one pays for being awesome,” she chuckled, pulling her into another hug.

Callie grinned and enjoyed the quiet moment to themselves, smoothing a hand along Arizona’s back. “Don’t think this means you’re off the hook for avoiding me, by the way.”

Arizona grimaced but didn’t pull out of the embrace just yet. “I’m sorry. You were busy and I honestly didn’t know how things were gonna go. It just seemed easier to show you after. But I’m glad you came, I really am.”

“You looked amazing. I can’t believe how far you’ve come since December.”

Blue eyes rolled skyward as Arizona sat back and met her girlfriend’s proud gaze. “I’ll consider it really amazing when I can walk for more than ten steps. But thank you. We’re that much closer to our marathon race now.”

Sometimes it was hard not to smack Arizona upside the head. If Callie didn’t know her so damn well, she would have been miffed at the thirty-second celebration before the blonde moved on to the next phase of her recovery. “Give yourself a minute to be proud. We should crack open a bottle of champagne and go out for a fancy dinner at the very least. You can start worrying about the next phase tomorrow.”

Arizona hummed to herself and pretended to think. “All right, tomorrow then. Tonight I get you drunk and take advantage,” she said coyly, tugging on the front of Callie’s scrubs. “I hear celebratory sex is totally amazing.”

“‘I love you’ sex is pretty good, too,” Callie added shyly.

Arizona’s smile widened and she cradled Callie’s cheek in her palm. “I’m counting on it.”

\---


	14. Chapter 26

“Y’know, for a place that I felt trapped in a few months ago, this isn’t half bad,” Arizona proclaimed as she strolled hand in hand through the hospital with her significant other. They had taken a detour to give Callie a chance to grab her things and change, and now they were enjoying a scenic stroll on their way to the staff exit. Before today, Arizona’s visits had been confined to her private room and the physical therapy gym. This was the first time she had been given a guided tour, showcasing some of the more aesthetic points of the building.

Callie came to a stop on the bridge corridor that overlooked the lobby, resting her forearms on the railing and watching the end-of-shift bustle going on below. “This place has become my second home over the years. You just have to know where the quiet areas are during the day and which bathrooms to avoid, and you’re golden.”

“It’s smaller than Hopkins,” Arizona said thoughtfully, setting her crutches aside before reclining backward against the glass panels. “But it seems cosier; more close-knit. I like it.”

“I knew in my third year of residency that this is where I wanted to work as an attending,” Callie replied. Her focus shifted out the floor-to-ceiling windows and to the snow-capped mountains lining the horizon. “There was always the option of moving back to Miami but Seattle really grew on me after a while.”

“Like a barnacle,” Arizona teased. “I can see how that happened.”

Callie laughed. “Pretty much. I’m glad I stuck around. And that they hired me right after my boards.”

“I don’t know,” Arizona said idly, “if you had gone to Miami General, we could be sunning ourselves on the beach right now.” Earning a surprised stare, she quirked a tiny smile. “I would’ve flown to Mars if that’s where you were stationed, Calliope. Your reputation is a lot bigger than I think you realize.”

That caused Callie to blush. “I’m just glad you weren’t stubborn enough to refuse treatment in the first place,” she chuckled, reaching down and lacing their fingers together. “I probably would’ve ended up with sixteen cats and started living in the basement again if I hadn’t met you.”

Arizona grinned widely and bumped Callie with her shoulder. “And I would’ve turned into the grumpy old hag that the neighbourhood kids make up scary stories about and dare each other to ring the doorbell,” she mused, dropping her eyes to her girlfriend’s mouth.

Callie felt herself being drawn in by Arizona’s magnetic pull, no longer paying the least bit of attention to their surroundings. “Guess we both lucked out then,” she whispered, closing her eyes and tilting her head down for a kiss.

“Dr. Robbins!”

Both women jerked away before their lips could actually touch. Seeing the man she recognized as her father’s long-time acquaintance, Arizona straightened her spine and gave a respectful nod out of habit, dropping Callie’s hand. “Chief Webber, hi.”

Callie instantly paled. “Chief,” she stuttered, her voice cracking up an octave. “Been there long?” The frightened look she shot Arizona clearly read that her boss wasn’t privy to their relationship, at least not to her knowledge. Even though they were no longer doctor and patient, she didn’t want to be thought of as another Izzie Stevens.

Luckily, Webber was distracted by the electronic tablet in his hand and didn’t appear to have noticed their almost-kiss. “I’m trying to get this god-awful machine to let me into the network but I think it’s broken. I can’t access any of my damn charts.”

Doing her best to shed any sort of guilty appearances, Callie reached out. “Can I help?”

Webber passed it over and, sure enough, he had somehow disconnected the device from the intranet, an easy fix that only required the push of a button. Callie, however, was not about to make the Chief of Surgery look like an idiot, so she re-enabled it without a word and spent a few minutes tooling around so it seemed more complicated.

As soon as the iPad was out of his hands, Webber set his sights on Arizona. “It’s great to see you up and walking around, Dr. Robbins. Or should I be calling you Lieutenant?”

Arizona didn’t feel it was necessary to correct him on her proper title. “Doctor is fine,” she said with a friendly smile, shaking his hand. “Dr. Torres here was just showing me around after my latest physical therapy appointment. It’s a beautiful hospital – much nicer when I’m not bed-ridden on the third floor.”

Webber’s laugh was just a little too put-on for it not to be suspicious. “It _is_ a nice hospital, if I do say so myself. The location is spectacular; the staff, spectacular. Research grants are set to flow in at an all-time high next year. The innovative and state-of-the-art technology we use, it’s all very, very…”

“Spectacular?” Arizona suggested when he failed to completely his sentence.

Callie paused in the middle of studying an e-chart to slowly raise her head, staring hard at her boss. He was chomping at the bit and definitely had something up his sleeve, she just couldn’t tell what it was yet.

With both hands folded neatly behind his back, Richard swivelled around to stare across the atrium, practically glowing with pride. “I’ve been here for nearly thirty years and I have to say, this is one of the finest programs in the country. We’ve been ranked at least third overall as a teaching hospital for nearly a decade now. Last year we even moved up into second.”

Callie snorted as she swiped a finger across the touch screen. “Yeah, except _this_ year we dropped all the way down to twel–”

Webber shot her a severe glare that pretty much guaranteed she would be fired if she didn’t stop talking. Callie clamped her mouth shut and immediately lowered her gaze back to the tablet.

“We’re no Hopkins,” the Chief continued, “but I know that with the right staff, we’ll get there sooner rather than later. Derek Shepherd currently heads our Neuro department and Preston Burke built this Cardiothoracic program from the ground up before he left. He’s gone on to win numerous awards based on brilliant techniques he developed while working within our walls. Even Torres here stands a real chance at become a Harper-Avery candidate with her cartilage research, if and when it goes to trial.”

Arizona tilted her head, fixing her girlfriend with a very pointed stare. “Oh she does, does she?” she asked slowly, one eyebrow creeping towards her hairline. “Funny, she failed to mention any such research. Ever.”

Callie shrunk inward as though her leather jacket were a turtle shell, failing in her efforts not to look as guilty as she felt.

“The people that work here do amazing things,” Webber said proudly, pivoting to face Arizona and puffing out his chest. “Which is why, when you’re ready to get back to work, I hope you’ll come and have a chat with me first. We have an opening for the Head of our Trauma department, and given your reputation on the battlefield, I think you would be a perfect fit.”

Even though Webber’s sales pitch had grown painfully obvious to some, Arizona’s eyes still widened in surprise. “You do?” she asked, taken aback with the sudden job offer.

“I can promise you full supervision of a departmental overhaul, as well as funding for new staff and equipment if you deem it necessary,” Webber continued. “I’m sure you’ll have a lot of questions and concerns when the time comes, but for now, try to keep us in mind. I’ll have some paperwork drawn up to give you a better idea of what our offer could look like, and there will be plenty of room for any necessary alterations. The Board and I are very open to working together to make Seattle Grace–Mercy West the Pacific Northwest’s number one trauma destination.”

One would have thought that he was talking about a tropical resort. “Wow. I-I…wow,” Arizona stammered, flustered. “Chief Webber, that’s really…that’s very nice of you, I’m just not sure when–”

“Please, there’s no pressure, no deadline,” Webber cut in, waving a hand as if to dispel any notion of such a thing. “Just something to think about. My office is twenty feet away from where we’re standing now, so you know where to find me when the time comes.”

Arizona peeked around him at the corner office with the big windows. “O-okay. Thank you, sir. This is all – it’s a very generous offer.”

Even though she was hovering on the outskirts of the conversation, Callie could see her boss practically salivating at the prospect of getting a surgeon like Arizona to work for him. She had never seen Richard Webber in ass-kissing mode until now.

Which made it _really_ hard for her not to smirk like a jackass and ruin the moment for Arizona.

“Can I take that to mean you’ll consider us as an option?” Richard asked hopefully, holding out his hand once again.

Arizona looked at it, hesitating for a few seconds before finally clasping his palm with her own. “I’ll think about it,” she confirmed, biting back a grin when he lit up like a Christmas tree.

“Excellent!”

For a moment Arizona was sure that he was going to try and push the conversation about her employment even further. Luckily for them all, he received an incoming page that seemed to be of some importance. Callie handed back his iPad before he could run off empty-handed.

“Well, I’ll leave you ladies to it,” he added, pocketing the pager in his lab coat and at the same time fishing out one of his cards. He extended it towards Arizona. “I hope to hear from you soon, Dr. Robbins. It’s never too early to talk about the future.”

Arizona accepted it and nodded politely, thinking that he sounded like a motivational poster. She half expected that to be a quote on his card. “Thank you, sir.”

She remained rooted in place as he bustled off, mumbling something about her bronze star and exemplary service record, no doubt quoting from sources he had looked up beforehand.

“What just happened?” she asked after a long break, left feeling somewhat confused by the whole thing. Webber had obviously planned this in advance and she definitely hadn’t seen it coming. Today was the first time she had even allowed herself to entertain the idea of going back to work; the timing was kind of conspicuous.

“I think he just tried to seduce you,” Callie replied. “Huh.”

“He really wants me to work here?” Arizona murmured sceptically, staring at his card and turning it over in her hand. “Maybe he’s just trying to meet his ‘affirmative action’ quota or something.”

Callie shot her an exasperated look. “Why wouldn’t he?” she prodded. “You’re a decorated military surgeon, Arizona. And, according to Teddy, one of the best trauma doctors there is. He would be stupid _not_ to want you working for him. He’s probably just trying to get a jump on the competition.”

“I guess I never really thought about it,” Arizona admitted, opening her messenger bag and tucking the business card safely inside one of the pockets. “My whole attending career has been spent out in the field. It’s like I forgot I could actually work somewhere with four walls and air conditioning.”

Callie had to bite back a grin. “You know, it’s…not the worst idea in the world,” she hedged. “You working here. It’s safer, for one thing. And as much as he was kissing your ass, he wasn’t totally over-selling the place. We have a great program, it just needs some fine-tuning after a few rough years economically. Landing you would be like winning the surgical lottery.”

“I seem to remember us having this conversation once before,” Arizona mused, lifting an eyebrow. “I don’t remember it going particularly well.”

“I know, and this time I _swear_ I’m not pushing,” Callie said quickly, looping a thumb beneath her shoulder strap and raising the other hand in defence. “We were a Level One Trauma Center until eight months ago and it’s killing the Chief to be stuck at Level Two. He probably thinks if we hire you to take over, we can get bumped up to a One again.”

“Heading my own program could be kind of fun,” Arizona considered, scrunching her forehead. “I’m sure it wouldn’t take too much effort to get it back up to snuff. This is assuming that I progress to more than a toe-dragging lurch, of course,” she added as an afterthought.

Callie pursed her lips and squinted dangerously. “Hm. Am I sensing some self-doubt creeping in again? You were over the moon for a whole half-hour there.”

“Not doubting, just…keeping it real,” Arizona said, shrugging. “Today was great, but it’s a whole different thing to stand at an OR table for hours on end than it is to walk ten steps across a room. In trauma, you have to be quick on your feet. That could be difficult for me, even in the long run.”

“I have faith that you could make it work if it’s what you really wanted,” Callie said confidently, stepping closer and giving Arizona’s arm a firm squeeze. “Just don’t let his offer put any pressure on your recovery. You have plenty of time to sort it all out and you don’t need to do anything before you’re ready.”

For once, Arizona didn’t feel a single trace of anxiety. “Thank you,” she whispered, echoing her earlier sentiment.

Callie tried to play it cool, even though more butterflies exploded in her abdomen. It felt great to see Arizona so full of confidence again. The last time they’d had a serious conversation about possible career changes, Arizona had yelled and they’d barely spoken for two days. Now she didn’t look bothered at the thought of what her future might hold.

“We should get you home,” Callie added after a moment of quiet reflection. Now that the Chief was gone, she extended her hand and intertwined their fingers. “We have some pretty heavy celebrating to do, if I recall correctly.”

Arizona allowed her to lead the way, too busy thinking about recent developments to pay much attention to the hospital’s architecture. As big as the job offer was, there was also something new she was dying to ask questions about.

***

“So you’re basically growing replacement cartilage in a test tube – from paste. Which is possibly one of the _biggest_ breakthroughs in the field of orthopedics in the last twenty years, and you just…forgot to mention it to me?”

Arizona was totally unimpressed. That much Callie knew for sure.

To her credit, Callie did manage to look slightly guilty for withholding information. “It’s not that simple,” she said through a long breath, fumbling to unlock their apartment door. “Things are complicated right now. It was kind of on hold for a few months while I reworked some of my research and waited for more funding.”

Arizona pursed her lips, unconvinced by the nonchalant attitude. “Callie, why didn’t you tell me? I’m a trauma surgeon; you didn’t think I’d be interested in something like this?”

“No,” Callie argued, then quickly clarified, “I mean, yes. Of course I thought you would be interested, it’s just…you’ve had other things on your plate. A _lot_ of other things. I figured I’d wait until I had more interesting news to share.” They stepped inside and she closed the door behind them.

Arizona drilled holes in the side of Callie’s head with a hard stare. She knew when a topic was being danced around – she was a master of those techniques, after all.

“I wasn’t even sure what my lab time would produce, if anything,” Callie added as she dumped her purse on the couch. “It’s really not a big deal. So far it’s just a bunch of floating mush. And it stinks. Like, badly. You’re not missing out on anything science-y or cool.”

If Callie hadn’t been avoiding eye contact like a bad case of syphilis, Arizona might have taken the bait. “You _are_ allowed to tell me things, you know,” she said cautiously, stepping closer and reaching out to touch her arm. “Just because my leg blew up and I got a little winded at the wharf, doesn’t mean I’m not interested in hearing about your life.”

Callie was silent, so Arizona pushed on. “Believe me, I _crave_ outside influence, especially if it’s you-related. Throw in a cool medical mystery and my ears are all yours, just like the rest of me.”

This time it was Callie who shot Arizona a trying look. “You don’t need to worry about the mundane stuff going on in my work life. You should be concentrating on physical therapy and doing your thing. That’s way, way more important right now.”

Releasing an exasperated sigh, Arizona yanked Callie closer and slid both hands inside her jacket, curving around her sides. “ _You_ are my thing, Callie Torres. I want my life to be about you, not prescription dosages or leg presses. Or sleeping until noon on Mondays because I’m unemployed and really, really bored.”

“You love sleeping in on Mondays,” Callie pointed out. “You rub it in every chance you get.”

“Point being,” Arizona continued, ignoring the jab, “you shouldn’t hide things from me when you’re proud of them. I can tell this cartilage stuff excites you and I want to know all about it. So no more keeping secrets, even it’s well-intentioned. Okay?”

Callie grunted under her breath and narrowed her eyes into slits. “You’re very persuasive. Just don’t blame me when my stacks of research papers put you to sleep.”

Arizona smiled and guided her partner into a delicate kiss. “Teddy’s the one that snubs bone stuff in favour of sucking chest wounds,” she murmured. “I love bones. _And_ I love you, so you can bet your next paycheque that I’m gonna love hearing about your findings.”

A part of Callie wasn’t completely sold on the importance of her research in the grand scheme of things, but Arizona’s exuberance was kind of infectious. She couldn’t deny that the prospect of growing cartilage in a lab was electrifying and that the possibilities for future use were astronomical. It had been a while since she’d been able to geek out over it with any of her close friends. None of them cared much about orthopedics.

Arizona’s grin was radiant as she leaned in to invade Callie’s senses. “No more hiding?” she husked, keeping herself at a tantalizingly close distance.

“No more hiding,” Callie promised, wholly distracted by the lips being kept just barely out of reach. She probably would have agreed to go bungee jumping without a second a thought if Arizona kept this up.

Just as they began to indulge themselves in an explorative kiss, Arizona felt the cell phone in Callie’s pocket start to vibrate. When it didn’t go away, she sighed against the mouth currently mingling with hers. “You should probably get that,” she relented, breaking apart. “I’ll get dinner started.”

Pouting, Callie released her hold and took out the phone. “Be careful with your leg,” she called after Arizona, who had ditched one of her crutches and hobbled away with only the right side remaining for support. There was little doubt in Callie’s mind that Arizona would probably crash hard tonight after a long afternoon in physical therapy.

_“Torres?”_

Mark’s voice on the other line pulled her attention back to the call. “Mark! Hey, sorry, I didn’t look at the call display first. How are you?”

 _“Very hot,”_ Mark said flatly. _“It’s a hundred degrees in New York. But I did just get a hair cut and look exquisitely debonair, if you catch my drift.”_

Callie rolled her eyes and flopped down on the couch, kicking her legs onto the coffee table. “We both know your head looks like a feather duster when it’s humid.”

The insult did nothing to dissuade Mark from a little harmless flirting. _“I distinctly remember you using it as handlebars when it meant you could shove my head in between your-”_

“Okay,” Callie cut him off, casting a quick glance at Arizona in the kitchen, exponentially glad that she hadn’t put Mark on speaker phone. “Cut to the chase, you perv. What’s up?”

_“Guess who I ran into today?”_

“Another illegitimate child?”

Mark growled. _“Funny. No, I met your girlfriend’s father.”_

Callie lurched upright, nearly knocking over a day-old glass of water that was sitting stagnant by her foot. “ _What?_ ” she shrilled. Arizona shot an inquisitive look over the breakfast bar and Callie plastered a quick smile on her face. “I mean…when? Where?” she asked more calmly.

Mark’s husky laugh reverberated down the line. _“New York Pres is sponsoring some pro bono reconstructive surgeries for injured vets. He’s in town to speak with returning troops. I caught his name when I was in the boardroom stealing free donuts. It’s a big PR thing for both sides, apparently.”_

“What did you say to him?” Callie peeked at Arizona a second time, attempting to remain inconspicuous while watching her chop vegetables.

 _“Nothing about you and Robbins specifically,”_ Mark replied. _“Just that I recognized his name and met her when she was being treated.”_

“What did _he_ say?”

This time Mark hesitated. _“He’s not the most talkative guy I’ve ever met. He was a little…intense.”_

Callie knew that was his version of ‘scary’. She wasn’t sure if she was supposed to feel jealous or anxious that her best friend had met her Arizona’s father before she did. “Huh. That’s so random. I don’t even think she knew he was out there.”

 _“I don’t get the sense that there’s a whole lot of father-daughter bonding going on between them,”_ Mark agreed. _“Anyway, how’s she doin’? You two get down and dirty yet?”_

Callie flushed red in the face. “Maybe.” She could practically hear him smirking from all the way across the country. “It’s been good. We’re really good. She actually got cornered by Webber and talked into an interview earlier. He acted more like he would be the one trying to woo her for the job, too.”

 _“For the trauma centre?”_ he asked. _“And she’s okay with that?”_

“Yeah, of course she is,” Callie said slowly, furrowing her brow at the scepticism in his voice. 

_“Huh. That’s a little…surprising.”_

“Really? Why?” Callie glanced at Arizona again, catching her eye. “It’s Mark,” she mouthed.

 _“I don’t know,”_ Mark replied a bit awkwardly. _“I’m just surprised you sound so calm about the idea. You said that she’s been through some pretty rough stuff lately and I assumed a trauma room would be counter-productive.”_

For the first time since Webber’s intervention, Callie frowned. She hadn’t really thought about it that way; at least, not since the conversation with her boss took place less than an hour ago. Arizona had seemed so happy at the prospect of working again that Callie was caught up in the moment. Now her fears from several months ago came trickling back in.

 _“It’s not a terrible idea,”_ Mark continued when Callie said nothing. _“Hell, what do I know? You guys keep that stuff private and I get it. You’ve said it before yourself, though, a trauma room doesn’t exactly sound like the healthiest atmosphere for someone in her shoes.”_

“Yeah,” Callie said faintly, sinking back into the couch. She hated the sudden doubt that had flooded her system, but Mark had just knocked down a wall she had temporarily forgotten about in the rush of excitement. She wanted to be happy for Arizona – taking her first solo steps and realizing that she was still a hot commodity in the surgical world were pretty momentous things.

_“Cal?”_

Callie shook her head and focused back on the conversation. “Sorry; we’re trying to make dinner. How about I give you a call later tonight?”

Mark took the hint. _“Sounds good. Say hi to Legs for me – and tell her I’m impressed that she didn’t turn out to be a heat-seeking cyborg like her father.”_

Callie rolled her eyes at Mark’s affectionate nickname for Arizona. Not that she could blame him – despite the blast injuries, they were both in agreement that her girlfriend had _fantastic_ legs. Callie whole-heartedly agreed even more now that she had been up close and personal with them in recent weeks.

Saying her goodbyes and hanging up, she stared absently at the phone, leaning forward to slide it onto the table.

“How’s Mark?”

She looked up and met the curious blue eyes aimed her way. “He’s good. Busy with pro bono work. Actually, speaking of…”

She pushed herself up, discarding her jacket in the process, and shuffled her way into the kitchen. “He kind of met your dad today.”

Arizona nearly chopped her pinkie finger off with the veggie knife. “ _What?!_ ”

Callie quickly pulled the weapon out of her girlfriend’s hand and set it beside the cutting board before it could do any damage. “It was brief, but I guess your father was at some sort of veteran’s fundraiser in New York and Mark met him while the organizers were discussing donated surgical time. Sounds like it was totally random, he just happened to recognize your last name when it came up.”

Arizona seemed kind of shaken by the mention of her father. “Oh.”

Waiting for more questions, Callie raised an eyebrow when they didn’t come. “He said your dad is kind of intense. That’s Mark-speak for ‘terrifying’.”

Arizona smiled ruefully, taking a moment to gather herself before picking up the knife again. “That’s one way to describe him,” she muttered, focusing her attention on the red pepper that needed to be cut up.

Callie already knew that Arizona’s parents were a sore spot and the last thing she wanted to do was put a damper on what had been such a successful day. She voluntarily changed the subject.

“Anyway, Mark says hi. He thought it was cool that Webber offered you the job.”

At the mention of the day’s most recent development, a smile worked its way across Arizona’s lips. “Yeah, that was pretty neat, wasn’t it?”

“It was,” Callie said, forcing herself to sound more enthusiastic than she felt. It wasn’t that she had changed their mind about the two of them working together – that continued to be a brilliant idea in her mind – she was just suddenly feeling the weight of Mark’s astute observation.

Working in trauma was Arizona’s calling, the blonde had made that very clear to Callie early on. Yet the more Callie thought about it, the more she pictured the terrified look on her girlfriend’s face during flashbacks and the horrific panic attacks that followed. The idea of that happening at work was unimaginable.

“Do you think…” Callie trailed off, reworking her thoughts. “I know that you still have a way to go, and I’m one-hundred percent behind you working in the same hospital as me, but I’m just…I guess I’m a little worried. About you, and t-the nightmares, the flashbacks. Do you think jumping into a trauma situation might be a bad idea? At least, for now?”

Arizona froze mid-chop, turning her head to stare at Callie. “What brought this on? You were on board ten minutes ago.”

“I _am_ on board,” Callie said hurriedly, dropping her gaze and bending over to dig out a giant frying pan from the cupboard. “I think you could really enjoy working there. I’m cautious, that’s all. You’ve come so far, been through so much, but you also still have those nightmares. And stuff like at the wharf, where you get…startled.”

Arizona tensed. It took some effort to close her eyes and pull in a deep breath, reminding herself that Callie was only being a concerned partner. “I know,” she said carefully, making sure to keep her tone neutral. “I haven’t exactly forgotten about my situation. I know what my limits are.”

Callie hovered by the stove, staring blankly at the appliance. “Do you?” she asked quietly, afraid of how harsh of an answer she might receive. 

Arizona set down the knife again and wiped her hands on a tea towel, turning around and leaning against the counter. While her initial reaction was to snap that yes, she _was_ ready for this, ready to take back control in her life, she was aware of her temper and the tendency to take it out on those close to her. She knew Callie was only speaking out of love.

“I guess I didn’t think about it too much,” she relented after a long pause. “The idea doesn’t fill me with dread, though. Not like it did before.”

Callie glanced over her shoulder and tweaked up the corners of her mouth. “Yeah?”

Arizona smiled shakily, too. “Yeah,” she agreed. “Today was just a baby step, but it helped me realize that I’m allowed to want more. I’m allowed to start thinking about things beyond a day at a time. For a while, I wouldn’t let myself do that. I was too afraid of what would happen if I failed.”

When her frozen muscles started to move again, Callie poured cooking oil into the pan and turned the element on. “I’m glad,” she said earnestly. “You deserve to get everything you want. I want that for you, too.”

Arizona felt herself beginning to relax and she hop-stepped forward, resting her hip against the counter next to the stove, facing her girlfriend. “I know that first and foremost, I want you,” she murmured, reaching out to trail her fingers along Callie’s spine. “As for the rest – I have options and time to think about it all. I haven’t made any decisions yet.”

Callie continued to stare into the frying pan, watching as the oil started to ripple. She looked contemplative, shivering at the gentle touch.

There were a lot of things to consider when it came to what was and wasn’t a healthy environment for someone with reoccurring post-traumatic symptoms. Callie was getting the feeling that Arizona was avoiding focusing on the bigger problems that had been plaguing her over the course of the last few weeks. Not that Callie could blame her – harping on the bad was a terrible way to live, especially when the good things were finally starting to come in bigger numbers. 

“Have you thought any more about talking to someone?” she asked carefully, tipping the vegetables into the pan and stirring them around with a wooden spoon. The hiss that filled the air as they sautéed served as a steadying background noise.

Arizona’s hand stilled. She released a frustrated breath, tired of the repeat subject, but mindful of her girlfriend’s legitimate worries. “Not really,” she admitted.

Callie briefly closed her eyes before fixing them on Arizona again. “You still have the nightmares. Not every night, but they’re there. I don’t know if you always remember, and I don’t really bring it up in the mornings–”

“I know when they happen,” Arizona cut in, staring absently at the cuff of Callie’s sleeve and playing with the material between her fingers. “I remember sometimes. Not necessarily the details, but I can tell when I wake up feeling like I got hit by a bus. At least the nosebleeds have stopped for now.”

Most nights, Callie was able to shake Arizona gently and whispered in her ear until she settled, and that was that. A few times, however, Arizona had awoken in a panic and taken some extra coaxing to get back to sleep. It could be tiring for Callie, too, but she would much rather wake up and prevent these things from getting worse than sleep through the events herself.

“I love you,” she stated over the sizzling of the vegetables. “I want you to be happy. Whatever you end up doing, I’ll support you a thousand percent. But I do think this is something you need to consider before jumping back into a potentially difficult situation.”

“You think I don’t take it seriously?” Arizona asked, arching a brow.

“I think that the idea of talking to someone about what you went through still scares you,” Callie said, staring hard at the stove. “I also think that being submerged in a busy trauma centre could be a potential trigger. You never know what you might see.”

Arizona chewed on her bottom lip and contemplated things. “I’ve thought about that once or twice. What it would be like to jump right back in. It’s different; the kinds of injuries you see in the city aren’t the same as the ones you get out there.”

“But the trauma is,” Callie pointed out. “The pain, the death; victims and their families. Those kinds of things are universal. I would worry about you getting hit with a reminder and it catching you by surprise.”

Arizona’s stomach twisted into knots, though not as awful and crippling as they had been in the past. Thinking about potential triggers didn’t send her into the fetal position or bring on a panic attack, which was good to know. She still couldn’t focus too deeply on the things that haunted her when she closed her eyes – the ones she could visually decipher and the others that were only horrific in feeling.

“The idea of going to therapy…” Arizona trailed off, watching Callie cook. “I know it’s exactly what I would suggest if I were on the other side. If it was you, or someone else I cared about. It makes sense, it just doesn’t feel right. At least, not the psychiatrist thing. I can’t really explain it.”

“I know what you mean,” Callie whispered, her hands beginning to shake as she nearly flicked a bell pepper chunk right out of the pan. She closed her eyes and inhaled a wavering breath, hoping that Arizona couldn’t see how ridiculously nervous she was all of a sudden.

“I don’t know if you do,” Arizona continued. “It just sounds like I’m being stubborn. Explaining what I went through, the explosion and some of the awful things before that even happened – it’s not easy to talk about. If I could tell you, I would, but thinking about it physically hurts. I don’t know why, it just does. Spilling my guts to a stranger seems impossible when I can’t even tell the woman I’m involved with.”

“I really do get it,” Callie hedged, sneaking a quick look at her partner. She steadied herself for the words that would come next, something she had never told anyone before. “I saw the hospital psychiatrist a little less than two years ago. Twice a week for a couple of months.”

Arizona straightened her posture, surprised at the new revelation. “You did?”

“Yes, I did.” Callie licked her lips, hating how badly her arms were shaking. She didn’t want to make this about her when it was supposed to be about Arizona. If this information could help her with her decision, though, then it was worth sharing.

Inhaling deeply through her nose, Callie set the wooden spoon down and turned to meet Arizona’s gaze directly. “I had a miscarriage a little while ago, near the end of my first trimester.”

Arizona was visibly shell shocked. “You…y-you did?”

Callie nodded. “I did. It was when George and I…we were trying, but then he cheated on me and we separated. I found out about a month after, while he was still seeing Izzie Stevens.”

The quietness in their kitchen was only ruptured by a loud ‘pop’ as a red pepper exploded. Callie removed the pan from the element and turned it off before facing Arizona again, crossing her arms loosely over her stomach.

“Things were so utterly and completely screwed up between George and me that I didn’t even know if I could tell him. By then I just wanted a divorce, to cut my losses and flee. It felt like he had sliced my dignity to shreds. I was embarrassed; everyone in the hospital knew he was screwing around with Stevens behind my back. By the time I realized that I wanted to be a mom, even without a husband, I lost the baby. It was awful.”

Arizona hardly knew what to say to that. She took the brunette’s hands in her own and gave them a supportive squeeze. “Callie…”

“No, it’s okay,” Callie said quickly, mustering up a brave smile. “Really, it is. I’m not telling you this to compare personal pain or anything. I just wanted you to know that I felt the same way – I did _not_ want to talk about it. Ever. But burying my pain and pretending that nothing had happened only made things worse. I stopped sleeping, I barely ate, and I got really sick. It took Mark to get me to see that I was hurting myself and make me realize that I had to confront it. I never told him why, I think he just assumed it was the divorce and the humiliation. But I reluctantly agreed to talk to the staff psychiatrist, and it helped. It _really_ helped, Arizona, I promise you I’m not making that up.”

“I believe you,” Arizona said softly, smoothing her fingers up Callie’s arms. “Wow.”

They fell into a heavy silence, dinner all but forgotten. Callie felt a weight lifted from her shoulders and she studied her girlfriend carefully, trying to read her reaction. She gave her time to process and didn’t push for a response.

Eventually, Arizona stirred from her cloudy revere and met the gentle brown eyes staring back at her. “I’m sorry you had to go through that, baby. I can’t even imagine…”

“I think you have a pretty good idea of what it feels like to be hurt and confused,” Callie pointed out with a light smile. “Different situations, but I’ve been there. It got better, and I’m infinitely grateful that I had a friend to help me realize it was okay to ask for help.”

Arizona couldn’t force down the lump in her throat. “I don’t know if I’m ready for that; sitting in an office with a professional telling me that I’m screwed up. Saying out loud the things I have no idea how to put into words.”

“It’s okay,” Callie said patiently, gathering Arizona in her arms. “I understand. Really, I mean that. You have to be ready to do it for yourself, not just because I asked you to.” She linked hands behind the small of Arizona’s back. “Is it something you would consider doing before stepping back into the ER? For yourself?”

Arizona was still feeling overwhelmed by a lot of things, but Callie’s comforting presence helped her relax as much as she could. “Yes,” she said truthfully, knowing that Callie was absolutely right on a lot of points. The big one for her was that she couldn’t risk a patient’s life if she had an episode during her shift. It would be irresponsible for her to risk it just because she was stubborn and afraid.

“There are other options,” Arizona admitted after a minute or so. She leaned into Callie out of reflex. “I haven’t told you everything, but I have been looking into it. Nothing solid yet, and I promise to tell you when I figure it out. I mean soon too, not an undetermined time and place from now because I don’t want to discuss it. Soon.”

While Callie couldn’t deny that she was curious as to what those options were, she wasn’t going to push when it seemed like Arizona was _finally_ opening up to the idea of outside counselling. “When you’re ready, I’m all ears.”

The quiet and unwavering support she felt from Callie meant the world to Arizona. She leaned into her and burrowed her face against the side of her neck, inhaling the sweet scent of shampoo and trace amounts of perfume. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that all alone.”

Callie wrapped her arms around Arizona’s back and squeeze her tightly, allowing her eyes to drift shut. “It’s okay. Neither of us are alone anymore.”

***

_July 14th, 2009_

 

Getting herself out of the apartment and downtown took just as much of a mental effort as a physical one – not to mention one very pricey cab ride. What little daylight was left lay hidden behind a curtain of storm clouds, the air scented with the promise of rain and the distant rumble of ominous thunder.

The building in front of Arizona looked rundown and old, like she had been a preteen the last time it was renovated. The thought of going into the basement with a bunch of strangers hardly seemed smart, especially in this area of town.

Hovering in the parking lot for twenty minutes was starting to make her feel like a creep, though. She was too proud to turn around and go back home, not when she knew Callie would be asking questions as to her whereabouts. She had left a note saying she would be home in a few hours so the brunette didn’t worry when she found the apartment empty after work.

It was now or possibly never. If Arizona ran, which was exactly what her gut was telling her to do, she would probably never come back. And she had promised. As fucked up as her life had been for the last eight months, she was a woman of her word.

Swiping a loose chip of gravel with her right crutch, she pulled herself together and started towards the side entrance. She had poorly written directions scribbled on a piece of paper in her left hand, and for a moment she thought she had the wrong location. There was a sign on the door signalling otherwise, however, so she wrenched it open and hobbled through, keeping most of her weight on the crutch. Several days of practicing a support-free walk had her aching and sore, but her stubbornness had only allowed her to bring one along for the ride.

Down one floor and three doors to the left of the elevator, Arizona shouldered her way into a room that reeked of coffee and old donuts. The dim and flickering florescent lights overhead made her feel disjointed and nervous, and she was hovering on the brink of running for it when a hand clamped down on her shoulder. She nearly jumped out of her skin until an older gentleman with kind eyes stepped into her line of view.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized, no doubt recognizing her ghost of an expression. “I should have learned by now; this isn’t the place to sneak up on unfamiliar faces.” He held out his hand. “My name is Dan McGoudry, I’m the group leader here. Can I get your name?”

He looked to be in his mid to late fifties and he wore a simple pair of khakis with a button down dress shirt that was rolled up at the sleeves. Several aging scars marred the right side of his forehead and his skin was weathered from years spend under the sun. Arizona was vaguely reminded of an old colleague of her fathers, only this gentleman gave off much more of a friendly vibe.

She shook his hand. “Arizona Robbins. I emailed a few days ago?”

A look of recognition registered. “Right, of course. I’m the only who sent you directions. I’m so happy you decided you could make it, Lieutenant-Commander. It’s a privilege to have you join us.”

Arizona blushed at the formal use of her rank. “Please, just Arizona is fine. My father had everyone including his wife call him ‘The Colonel’ my entire life. I always swore I would never do the same.”

Dan’s demeanour was relaxed and good-natured. “Understandable. I think you’ll find that a lot of service men and women will respect your position, doctor. Some of us wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for others like you.”

Arizona forced herself to smile and ignored the resounding thud in her chest. That was the opposite of how she felt being here – she hadn’t been the one involved in direct fire fights with enemy soldiers. She felt out of place including herself in a group of those who had.

“Please, have a seat,” Dan continued when she didn’t respond. “If you don’t mind me saying, you look exhausted. How is the physical therapy going?”

Arizona was about to ask how he knew that when she realized the crutches, the limp and the reason for being here made it pretty obvious. “Getting better, thanks. Things are slowly improving.”

“Glad to hear it,” Dan replied with a warm smile. “We’re still waiting for a few others to arrive. Can I grab you anything? Coffee? Pastry?”

“No, thank you,” Arizona said politely, casting an apprehensive stare toward the cluster of chairs across the room. A small group of people had already begun to form and she noticed, to her dismay, that so far they were all men. It made her feel even more out of place.

“Everyone gets nervous,” Dan said knowingly. “There’s no pressure to talk if you’re uncomfortable. Listening can prove to be just as cathartic. It took me three weeks before I opened my mouth and I just about had to be carried through the door to begin with.”

When Arizona continued to look like she would be sick with nerves, Dan’s expression softened further. “You made it here, Dr. Robbins. That’s the first step.”

Arizona dug the heel of her crutch into the floor, twisting it against the hard resin. “That obvious it’s my first time, huh?”

“The more meetings you sit through, the more you begin to recognize that everyone has the same look about them,” he replied. “It doesn’t matter what you’ve been through – the nightmares are just as debilitating from one guy to the next. Or gal, of course. Everyone here has been where you are.”

If comradeship was something she was supposed to be feeling, then it had yet to kick in.

“Do you mind if I sit near the back?” Arizona asked weakly.

Dan didn’t appear to make judgements or suggest that she gather in closer. “Of course,” he said quietly, stepping forward and holding out an arm. “Follow me.”

\---


	15. Chapter 27

Arizona felt twitchy and uncomfortable. Sitting still was becoming progressively harder as the group leader spent ten minutes circling the room, talking to each person that walked through the door, shaking hands and exchanging pleasantries. He appeared to recognize them all, making her the sole newbie of the bunch.

She sat in the back corner by herself, doing her best to ignore the curious glances being thrown her way by the patrons shuffling along the donut table. She wasn’t surprised; everyone else was male and had probably crossed paths with each other at some point in the past. Being the ‘new girl’ wasn’t exactly unfamiliar territory, given her father’s frequent transfers while she was growing up. Still, being the centre of attention, even in a minor capacity, made her squirmy.

It was hard not to indulge her curiosity and steal glances at each of them in return, studying their profiles as if to look for some outward sign that they were as messed up as she was. Outside of the OR, she’d had very little contact with other injured veterans. She saw the immediate aftermath but never where people ended up down the road, once their wounds were closed and a surgeon was no longer required. From what she could gather, some attendees were more talkative than others; otherwise they were all too hard to read.

About nine or ten people showed up in total. Arizona hadn’t known what to expect as far as numbers, given that this was one of only a handful of veteran support groups in the area. There were two others that she found listed on the internet; the fact that this one was the closest to her apartment and held on a Tuesday being the only reasons she had decided to attend. Callie usually worked in the evening on Tuesdays, barring any unforeseen circumstances or a switch in scheduling. Arizona had left a brief note explaining that she was checking out some leads, and that she would call later if she needed a ride. It was vague, but she would rather explain what she was doing in person, after she’d had an opportunity to check it out. Even if she didn’t want to admit it, there was always a chance that she wouldn’t be coming back. If that were the case, it would be better if Callie didn’t know the specifics.

After checking her watch for the tenth time, purely a nervous reflex, Arizona caught the eye of someone standing by the coffee thermos. Whereas most people would glance away politely, he continued to stare, making no efforts to hide his curiosity. He was tall and lanky, and held himself like he didn’t quite know how to handle his awkward body frame. A five o’clock shadow and dark circles under his eyes made it look as though he could use a good night’s sleep. She had yet to see him make conversation with any of the others, which wasn’t surprising given the distrusting way he glared at everyone who walked by. While her first instinct was to narrow her eyes and snap at him to take a picture, instead she forced out what hopefully passed for a friendly smile. He didn’t return it.

“Good evening, everyone,” the group leader, Dan, announced, drawing her attention to the front of the room. His voice wasn’t quite what she would call booming – her father’s voice, now _that_ was booming – but everyone immediately fell silent and those left standing went to their seats. Most of them spaced themselves out closer to the front, while the twitchy guy sat three chairs to her right. She chided herself for tensing up and took in a steadying breath.

“Good to see you all again,” Dan continued, facing the room. “Sorry for the cancelation last week, I had to skip off to Portland on short notice.”

“Was it Monahan?” the awkward guy interrupted. Arizona detected a faint southern drawl, as though he had grown up there but hadn’t spent much time in the last ten years or so. He looked to be no older than twenty-four or twenty-five. Young, considering the subject matter at hand, but not completely out of place given how the war in the Middle East had been going for the past decade.

“What about him?” Dan asked patiently.

“He freak out again?” The guy’s mouth twitched. “Threaten to jump out another window?”

Dan fixed him with a stern look. “Play nice, Ben. You know I can’t discuss others when they’re not here.”

“He freaked out again,” Ben mumbled into his coffee. “Moron.”

Arizona frowned, wondering how he could be so dismissive.

Upon closer inspection, she noticed the tell-tale signs of recent surgery, scars running along his hairline and back behind his ear. He looked like he might have had plate work done in his face, though the surgeon responsible had managed to hide it fairly well. Anyone that wasn’t trained in the way she was probably wouldn’t notice right away.

“It’s good to see some new faces in the crowd,” Dan said, his gaze briefly flickering to Arizona. “I’ll start with my usual introduction. Those of you that have heard it before, feel free to tune me out.

“My name is Sergeant Dan McGoudry and I retired five years ago from the 75th Ranger Regiment. I was in direct combat more times than I can count. I’ve been shot on five occasions and shot _at_ probably ten times as many. In 2003, my unit drove over an IED in eastern Iraq and it effectively ended my career.”

Arizona tightened her grip on the crutch, doing her best to ignore the blood suddenly rushing through her eardrums.

“It would take a whole day to list off the troubles I had after that,” he continued. “I lost most of the hearing on my left side and a good portion of that hand is now completely numb. Sometimes the back pain is so severe that it takes a whole pharmacy just to get out of bed in the morning. But the worst of it, by far, was never being able to let go of the accident that claimed nine lives and spared me. Four in the vehicle I was driving, five in the unit directly behind us.”

Arizona’s pulse quickened and a light sweat broke out beneath her jacket. She had seen a lot of incidents like the one he described; vehicles demolished by a high-powered explosive and the people inside of them shredded to pieces. It was a routine part of her job and yet hearing him talk about it was making her stomach churn.

That in itself was unsettling. Maybe she had pulled the trigger on this group therapy thing too soon. Maybe she wasn’t ready to hear any of this first-hand. Maybe–

“…lost my family, my friends…”

The Sergeant’s words trickled back into the edges of her consciousness. She realized that he was looking directly at her, a worry line creasing his brow. When they made eye contact, he gave a slight tilt of his head before continuing to sweep the room, never once breaking rhythm in his speech. Arizona tried to do a better job of looking passive.

“I know that many of you have heard me talk about this before. Some of you are probably wondering why I do it every time someone new comes in. I believe it’s important for you to know that I’ve been where you are. I remember how isolating it is, how lonely it feels, to think you’re the only one that can possibly know how dark some days can get. The inability to walk down the street without scanning the rooftops; the crippling onset of nerves you get at fireworks or when a loud car roars by; the nightmares, the flashbacks. The things that run through your mind and make you wonder how truly deranged you’ve become. The outbursts of violence that you never knew you had in you. I’m telling you that I went as far as rock bottom, with a pistol in my mouth, ready to make it all end, and that five years later I’m still standing here and talking to you about it.”

Arizona’s breath came in shallow bursts, blue eyes darting around the room, trying to decipher the reactions to such a blatant admission. Some of the attendees nodded, a few stared blankly into space, while others reclined further in their chairs and remained stony faced. She guessed that they had probably all heard it before.

Callie’s late night plea entered Arizona’s mind. At the time she had been completely honest, that suicide wasn’t something she had ever considered. Now, hearing an Army Ranger Sergeant talk about how close he came to ending his life, it terrified her how easy it could be to reach that state if she continued to let things slide. That wasn’t something she _ever_ wanted to experience.

“I’m not here to make anyone relive their past,” Dan continued after a few moments had passed. “I’m never going to ask you to tell a room full of strangers what brought you here. What this is is a safe place to talk about anything and everything you feel you need to, including that trauma, if and when you choose. If anyone has good news to share, things you’ve accomplished in the last week, I encourage you to do so. At some point we’ve all felt like it would never get better, so it helps to hear that someone else has beaten those odds.”

He smoothed a hand across his clean-shaven cheek and pulled a chair over, easing into it with a stiffness that signalled some sort of physical discomfort. “The aim of these sessions is to have you leave with another tool in your toolbox – coping mechanisms, skills you can put to use when things get rough. You all know how little it can take to turn a good day into a bad one. I’m here to show you how to manage your symptoms and take back some control in your life.”

It sounded so easy, yet Arizona knew it was about as hard a task as they had ever been given. No one there was naïve enough to think they could solve all of their problems with a simple set of ‘coping mechanisms’. But it was a place to start and there was network of support to back each other up. Having some ‘tools in her toolbox’ didn’t sound like a terrible idea, considering she was pretty toolless at the moment. Running to Callie every time she had a bad thought wasn’t going to help either of them get any sleep at night.

When Dan finished his monologue, he opened the floor to anyone who wanted to speak. Two different gentleman stood up and addressed the room, one in his early to mid-thirties, the other nearing fifty. Each of them talked about a personal triumph – the younger man having gone to the mall on Saturday for a full hour, the older for extending his hours at his new civilian job.

To the general public, none of that would have seemed worth kicking up a fuss over. Even without knowing their individual stories, Arizona applauded along with everyone else. She was well aware of the challenges faced by a lot of veterans, especially when it came to crowd control and socializing. A busy shopping mall could send grown men ducking for cover or reaching for a weapon that wasn’t there in his civies. She had experienced her own issues with crowding at the wharf and knew that she was probably far better off than a lot of the others. Grocery shopping on the weekends was uncomfortable but not crippling. She’d never experienced that nagging sensation telling her that someone was watching her every move, lying in wait.

The men returned to their seats and Dan gathered up a stack of folders. He walked down the centre aisle and handed them out. As Ben was sitting the closest, Dan handed him two packets for the row. Ben swivelled and passed one to Arizona.

“You’re new,” he said bluntly, before she could even murmur so much as a ‘thank you’. His gaze travelled to the crutch she was holding onto like a lifeline. “What happened to your legs?”

“Ben,” Dan warned. “We don’t ask people those questions here. It’s her first day, leave her be.” 

“Sorry,” Ben shrugged, not looking entirely put off. He flipped through the booklet and quickly lost interest in Arizona.

Under normal circumstances, Arizona would have been more open to introducing herself and making small talk. Unfortunately, the ball of nerves that had settled in her gut was making it difficult to speak, keeping her on edge. To distract herself, she flipped through the booklet, aptly titled _‘Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and You: How to Reintroduce Stability Back into Your Life’_. She snorted on reflex, drawing a few glances from the others.

“Some of you have seen this before,” Dan explained. “It’s an updated version that I received last week. It’s a simplified step-by-step process describing exactly how to manage your symptoms. It even includes a helpful CD that talks you through breathing and muscle exercises, which we’ll work on tonight.”

Apparently Arizona wasn’t the only one who found this to be a bit ridiculous, because most of the others seated around her laughed. If reading a fifteen page book was all it took to overcome PTSD, then none of them would be there in the first place.

“I know, I know, but at the very least, it lists the steps I’m about to go through,” Dan said with a hearty grin. “That can be helpful when going over them with friends and family, or for a quick and easy reminder of the basics when you’re on your own. If you guys – and gal – could indulge me for ten minutes, flip to section one and we’ll start with some breathing exercises. These are most useful when you’re starting to feel a little on edge and need a moment to yourself. If you’ve already been working on it at home, let’s see what you’ve got.”

Slumping in her chair, Arizona released a heavy sigh and peeled open the first page, reminding herself that she was supposed to be keeping an open mind. If she went in thinking negatively, then she was already dooming herself to failure.

***

The meeting lasted almost two hours from start to finish. The second half was spent on a combination of deep relaxation breathing and something called progressive muscle relaxation. The latter involved localized tensing and subsequent relaxation of core muscle groups, the point being to train the body to recognize what relaxation felt like. Many post-traumatic stress sufferers were permanently tense, often without realizing it. Targeting specific areas and going through the motions of relaxing tight muscle groups was supposed to make it easier to accomplish on command. It was another ‘tool’ for helping to deal with their disability, one that Dan said he used almost every day himself.

That was what he had called it, a disability. Arizona suddenly had no idea which one of her shortcomings was more crippling, the physical or the emotional. Together they made quite the rag-tag team.

It was almost 9:30pm when she struggled from her chair, wiped out from a mixture of first-time nerves and an hour of stress-relieving exercises that she hadn’t quite been able to master in a room full of strangers. She recognized the potential benefits and fully planned on practicing them at home, where she could get comfortable; it just wasn’t happening for her tonight.

Pulling on her jacket and exiting behind the initial rush, Arizona concentrated on using her bad leg for the trip to the elevator, ignoring the strain from an afternoon of working out and walking. She was pushing herself to move through the pain as much as possible these days, even during the more difficult times. It was the only way she would ever learn to compensate and work up enough endurance to be on her feet twelve hours a day in a fast-paced job environment.

Put like that, the task seemed ludicrous and impossible.

As she left the elevator and stepped into the lobby, she spotted Sergeant McGoudry with two men – one of them Ben, the other a younger gentleman in a wheelchair. His dark hair was already streaked with summer highlights, reminding her of Timothy the last time he had returned from active duty at the height of the dry season. A muscular frame capped off around his waist, signalling hours spent at the gym, compensating the need for upper body strength in order to get around.

Her gaze automatically fell to his legs. The double amputation caught her off guard – one above knee, one below. It wasn’t a stretch to assume that he was a soldier, even though she hadn’t seen him at the meeting with everyone else. He would have been hard to miss.

It was his laughter that rang out across the atrium, a bright grin rooted firmly in place as he rolled backwards and popped a miniature wheelie for the entertainment of his buddies. He wasn’t shy about his injuries, sporting athletic shorts and no protective sock coverings to hide the amputations from plain view. Arizona instantly admired how at ease he seemed, the definition of relaxation and care-free, when life had dealt him an even shittier hand of cards than it had her.

She was still reeling from the last few hours and wasn’t exactly feeling very sociable, so she made a quiet beeline for the door, fervently hoping that no one would notice her on the way out. Once there, she could call Callie and use the phone as an excuse to keep to herself, like the good little hermit she was quickly becoming.

“Dr. Robbins!”

Or not. She froze mid-step and turned to see all three men staring directly at her – being stealthy while clunking a metal stick along the floor was a lot harder than it seemed.

Dan waved her over and, after a brief hesitation, she hobbled in their direction. With any luck, she could make this fast and be out of there before she stuck her foot in her mouth and said something stupid.

“Benjamin, Adam, this is Lieutenant-Commander Arizona Robbins,” Sergeant McGoudry introduced her. “She’s a Navel surgeon working with the Marines, and the newest member of our clan.”

Arizona smiled shyly and gave an awkward little wave. “Hi.”

Ben continued to stare unabashedly, while Adam, presumably the one in the wheelchair, cocked an eyebrow at the oldest of the bunch. “Damn, Serg. We have girls now? I chose a crappy night to play basketball.”

A hint of confusion must have registered in Arizona’s expression as they shook hands, because Adam immediately broke into a playful grin. “Prosthetics, man. I can jump higher than Jordan.”

“He’s lying,” Ben cut in. “There’s a wheelchair basketball league that practices on Tuesdays. He’s not very good.”

Adam scowled and rammed the nearest wheel into Ben’s foot. “Jerk. You’re supposed to help me impress the pretty doctor, not step all over my game.”

Despite the butterflies she had been housing in her stomach all night, Arizona laughed at the exchange. “Actually, the idea of coordinating a wheelchair and a ball the size of my head is pretty impressive. I can barely carry a dinner plate and operate a crutch at the same time.”

Adam looked pleased with himself. “You get used to it. Though with any luck, you won’t have to. How’s the rehab going?”

Arizona peered down at her leg, flexing the joint out of habit. “Hurts like a bitch, but I’m managing.”

“Adam was a regular here for two years,” Dan explained. “He’s now in the process of getting a psychology degree, with aspirations of becoming a mental health counsellor himself.”

“I’m his pride and joy,” Adam bragged, jerking a thumb in the Sergeant’s direction.

Ben snorted, opening his mouth to argue, only to clam up when he realized that Arizona’s attention had shifted to him. His jaw tightened and he shoved both hands into his pockets, staring hard at the floor.

“He’s definitely a source of inspiration, I’ll give him that,” Dan allowed, causing the younger soldier to beam.

It amazed Arizona how upbeat and radiant Adam was, given the difficult, life-long challenges he faced due to his injuries. It sent a throb of guilt through her chest – here she was, standing on two legs and sulking, while he faced far more adversity and did it with a smile on his face. She was pathetic.

“Rewind twelve months and the only thing I was an inspiration for was a Xanax ad,” Adam replied, indicating his wheels. “If it weren’t for Serg here, I don’t think I would’ve made it this far. I owe it all to him and my therapist for kicking my ass into gear.”

Arizona felt completely stunted when it came to carrying on a conversation with these guys. While she had been able to channel her focus in the meeting earlier, feelings of inadequacy came roaring back now. Things could have been _so much worse_ – Adam was living proof of that – and yet she still couldn’t function on a normal, daily basis.

“I hate to cut and roll, but I’ve gotta head home,” Adam apologized, grabbing a duffel from the floor and situating it on his lap. “Sasha gets restless when she’s alone for too long.”

“Girlfriend?” Arizona asked in an attempt to be friendly.

“She fetches my slippers and opens cupboards on command. She’s a keeper.”

“There’s a service centre that trains dogs for veterans with disabilities,” Dan explained before Arizona could raise an eyebrow at the implications. “Adam’s just taken in a black lab named Sasha. He likes the arrangement; can’t say for sure if the dog feels the same.”

“She loves me,” Adam chuckled, flashing Arizona a big smile and shaking her hand a second time. “Great to meet you, doc. Hope to see you back here again.”

“Thanks,” Arizona murmured, feeling most of the air deflate from her lungs.

As he swivelled around and headed for the exit, a few stragglers from the meeting came up from the stairwell. Dan turned to greet them and Arizona took the opportunity to excuse herself. She headed in the same direction Adam had gone, counted the seconds until she was sure he would be far enough away, then stepped outside.

A gust of cold air would have helped immensely with her sudden spike in temperature, but it was a humid night and Arizona found no relief. Her arm shook violently against the crutch and she clambered over to the side of the building, hoping to hide underneath the cover of darkness.

The wave that hit her was two parts overwhelming and another six parts of grief. So many of these people had been through and seen things worse than she had, and yet she felt miles behind the rest of the curve. All of them were getting better; she felt nowhere even close to it. Her leg was healing while three nights ago she had woken up all but screaming from some unseen nightmare, terrifying Callie and setting herself back who knew how much. Coming here was supposed to help, and instead she felt even worse than she had before.

Arizona sagged against the brick wall, dangerously close to her legs giving out, and hunched forward to catch her breath. Fingernails dug into the fabric of her jeans, squeezing each thigh in an attempt to keep herself grounded. The _last_ freaking thing she needed was another panic attack in a public forum.

As she worked hard not to hyperventilate, the door swung open to her right, startling her back into the present. Dan appeared with Ben in tow, keys jangling as he locked up the building. Any hopes of remaining unnoticed were torpedoed when he immediately spotted her in the shadows.

Ben shuffled impatiently behind him, eyeballing Arizona with the same scrutiny that one does a foaming rottweiler. “You okay?”

Arizona straightened up, sucking in a sharp breath and willing her voice to remain steady. “Yeah, I’m great.”

“Have a good night, Ben,” Dan said lightly, touching him on the shoulder. “Drive safe, okay?”

Taking the hint, Ben shrugged and started for his car at a brisk walk, staring into every dark corner the parking lot had to offer. The mark of a true soldier, Arizona thought idly.

“I know he seems abrasive,” Dan spoke, moving closer. “He’s harmless, he just has trouble adjusting to new people. You’ll be less of a spectacle next week now that he knows you’re here.”

“He seems…” Arizona trailed off, not wanting to be a jerk and say ‘weird’. She was pretty weird some days too, especially when it came to falling out of bed, screaming in her sleep, and collapsing in the middle of public places.

“He’s been through a lot. It’s good that he comes here; I think he enjoys the interaction. He doesn’t get much of it on his own. He’s not quite ready to go back to work yet.”

“What happened?” she asked without thinking. She was wary of sounding too invasive, but she was curious, and it served as a distraction from the mini heart attack she felt like she was having. “I-I mean, I’m a surgeon, I couldn’t help but notice some of the scarring on the side of his face. He was hurt?”

Dan nodded without expanding on the subject, and she immediately assumed she had overstepped some sort of boundary. Not a great impression to make on the first day.

“Sorry,” she blushed. “This is all really new to me. I don’t know how these group things work, if it’s anonymous or not.”

“No harm in asking,” Dan shrugged. “I try not to talk about other members if they’re not present to consent. Some folks prefer to sit and listen, without making any connections to their every day life. In Ben’s case, he doesn’t really mind when I explain his situation to others. The more people that know, the easier it is for him.”

“Blast injury?” Arizona found it easier to keep talking about the medical side of things. It didn’t stop the shaking or quell the low-level nausea, but it did help to keep her mind from clouding up. To her dismay, a drizzle of sweat rolled down her temple, which she quickly swiped at with her sleeve. Dan was keeping his gaze focused straight forward, drawing no attention to her distress as she worked on stabilizing herself. Those breathing exercises they had just learned didn’t seem to be helping. 

“He was hurt two years ago in Afghanistan,” he said. “He was left with some residual brain damage as a result.”

Arizona licked her lips. “He seems to be doing pretty well, considering.”

“Ben has some trouble filtering, so to speak. Whatever he thinks, he says. All you have to do is tell him not to ask a certain question, or not to stare, and he’ll understand that it’s not acceptable,” Dan explained. “There are no hard feelings with that guy. He knows his disability and has learned to live with it. Once people understand that he’s not coming from a predatory or invasive place, he’s actually quite interesting to talk to. He’ll tell you exactly what he thinks about a situation, that’s for sure.”

Arizona immediately felt guilty for thinking that Ben was a creep when she first met him. Now that she knew better, she understood the physical and psychological repercussions from such an injury. She should have taken the time to reserve judgement. As a doctor – a _military_ doctor – she knew better.

The conversation fell off after that but Dan seemed in no hurry to leave or get on with his evening. Arizona knew he was sticking around for her sake, and, even though she barely knew the guy, she was relieved not to be alone. Tonight had hit her ten times harder than she had imagined it would. It was embarrassing.

Gradually, she pieced together the jumbled mess that was her brain, fixing it with enough tape and glue to get her home and into bed with Callie at the very least. After that, all bets were off.

“Where did you park?”

Blinking rapidly, Arizona fished for the phone in her bag. “I took a cab,” she mumbled. “Probably should’ve called before the meeting ended.”

“I don’t mind waiting.”

The guilt came roaring back. “You don’t have to, I’ll be fine. My, um – m-my friend should be off work by now. She can pick me up.”

“I hope you don’t take this as me being a chauvinistic pig, ma’am, but I’m not keen on leaving a woman alone in a dark parking lot late at night,” Dan said slowly. “I’m sure you can take care of yourself; however, I would feel much better waiting.”

Arizona genuinely smiled for the first time in hours. “You’re very kind. Not pig-ish at all.”

“Good, then it’s settled.” He leaned back next to her, the picture of contentment.

As she dialled Callie’s number and waited for her to pick up, Arizona caught him glancing subtly at his watch. “Really, if you’ve got some place to be–”

“Actually, I was just thinking,” Dan interrupted. “If you’re not too exhausted, you should join me for coffee. There’s a diner just down the road. The food’s not great, but it isn’t awful, either.”

Arizona balked, her social skills so far deteriorated that she couldn’t tell if he was asking her out or just being friendly.

“I go there after every meeting,” Dan was quick to add, probably sensing her hesitation. “Usually with other attendees. Tonight I was on my own. I know pretty much everyone in our little circle by now and you’re the first new member we’ve had in several weeks. It would be an honour to get to know more about you, Dr. Robbins.” His smile was genuine and unassuming. “Nothing more than small talk and pie. I won’t make you dig up any demons, I promise.”

_“Arizona?_

Callie’s voice on the other end of the line caught the blonde’s attention. “Hey, sorry. Hold on a sec,” she spoke into the receiver before covering it with her palm.

Dan had pulled out his own cell. “Take your time. I’m going to call my wife and see if she wants me to bring home some late night dessert.”

Seeing the glint of a wedding band helped Arizona relax. She wondered if this was the same woman that had left him during his worst stages of PTSD or if it was a new marriage. He stepped away to make the call and she returned her attention to Callie’s.

_“Is everything okay?”_ Callie asked, concerned. _“I just got home and saw your note. Do you need a ride?”_

“Actually, um…” Arizona glanced over her shoulder, mulling the invitation. “I just got an asked to go out for coffee with a…friend. He’s part of this vet group thing.” She fidgeted, wondering what Callie would think of her being here. “For, y’know, PTSD a-and stuff.”

A light bulb went on in Callie’s head. _“Oh,”_ she exclaimed, trying to hide her surprise. _“That’s great! I mean, it’s good. I’m glad that you’re…h-how did it go?”_

“Good, I think,” Arizona sighed, allowing herself to ease back against the wall. Hearing her girlfriend’s voice helped squash the turmoil she was feeling into a more manageable level. “It’s all very new. The guy running it knows some helpful stuff, though. He was just asking if I would join him for a late night caffeine fix. He wants to get to know the newbie.”

_“Are you comfortable with that?”_ Callie asked. _“Because I can totally put my foot down and say no, if it’ll help.”_

Arizona grinned into the phone, more of her discomfort melting away. “You’re sweet, but that’s not necessary. I think I’ll take him up on the offer, if it’s okay with you?”

_“Yeah, of course,”_ Callie said in a rush, trying not to sound too eager. _“Just call me when you need to be picked up. And text me the address and this guy’s full name, so I know who to hunt down if you go missing.”_

“Will do, Chief.”

Callie hesitated, wishing she was there in person to gauge Arizona’s well-being for herself. _“You’re really okay?”_

“I’m…coping,” Arizona allowed. “Not a hundred percent, dancing, ‘the hills are alive’ kind of amazing, but doing alright. Looking forward to curling up on the couch with you and eating popcorn or something else extremely mundane and familiar. I’ve had just about enough self-reflectance for one night.”

_“That can be arranged,”_ Callie chuckled. _“Enjoy yourself. I’m jealous; I haven’t socialized with people I don’t work with in like…two years.”_

“I kinda like it that way,” Arizona said slyly. “Means I get you all to myself.”

_“My lack of a social life definitely improved your chances when we first met.”_

“Ouch,” Arizona laughed. “Next you’ll tell me that I wasn’t your first doctor-patient romance.”

_“Just make sure you drink decaf, dork,”_ Callie mused. _“And have fun. Call me as soon as you need a ride.”_

“I will.” Arizona bit her lip, wishing Callie were with her right now. “I love you.”

_“Love you too.”_

Arizona hung up and spotted Dan a short distance away, giving her the privacy to finish the call. “So, you said this place has pie. Is it good pie?”

Dan shrugged and stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets. “Not particularly. Does that change your mind?”

“I’m willing to try anything once,” Arizona smirked, adjusting her crutch and following him to his car.

***

The diner was straight out of the 1950s, complete with the red vinyl booths, parlour stools and rounded windows facing onto the street. It was clean, at least, and didn’t look like it had deteriorated too much in the last fifty years. The pie was substandard and the coffee tasted like…well, diner coffee. Everything was edible, no matter how minimally, so they sat in a window booth and focused on their respective desserts.

After a few minutes of solid silence, during which she struggled to figure out what to say, Arizona finally dropped her fork. “This is probably hard to believe, but I’m not usually such a social leper. Tonight just kinda threw me off.”

Dan sipped his coffee and chuckled. “No pressure, remember? We can sit here counting ceiling tiles if you like. I’m in no rush.”

“You don’t want to play twenty questions? Get to know the woman behind the walking disaster? I thought that was your thing.”

“Only if you’re up for it.” He studied her over the rim of his mug. “As I said, I’m never going to push the subject. I believe it’s counter productive to make someone relive their most troubling moments when they feel forced into it. And you’re not a disaster, by the way. You seem to be doing remarkably well.”

Arizona nearly burst out laughing until she realized that he was serious. “Oh, wow. I must be a better actress than I thought.”

Dan waited quietly for her to expand – or to change the subject – once again exuding enough patience for her to suspect he was a robot.

Deciding that she would rather put the situation – and herself – into context, especially if they would be meeting on a semi-regular basis, Arizona wrapped both palms around her coffee mug and gave him the cliffnotes version.

“I enlisted after my brother died a few years ago. Our father is a Colonel, so we kind of grew up with the lifestyle. I headed an FRSS and deployed twice out of Baghdad.”

“Good people on those teams,” Dan replied, nodding in recognition. “Saved a lot of lives.”

Arizona hummed. “We had a very good unit. Efficient. It was gruesome work but it was worth it. I felt like I was making a real difference. Saw some awful things that I wish I hadn’t, things no one should ever have to...” She shook it off. “Then one day we got hit. I took the worst of a mortar blast in the leg. A lot of people died.” Her brow creased as she struggled to remember more than blurred shapes and fuzzy sounds. “Since then, it’s been…hard to readjust. I was in and out of the hospital for a long time.”

“May I ask what you’re having the most difficulty with?”

He said it casually while stirring creamer into his coffee, giving Arizona pause to consider. He wasn’t going out of his way to sound empathetic or pushy; his grey eyes focused intently on hers without giving her the sense that she was under pressure to answer. He cared, but only so far as she was willing to share. She appreciated his approach to the whole process.

“The unprovoked nightmares,” Arizona finally admitted. “And there have been a few instances with some pretty intense flashbacks. Brought on by loud noises, mostly; times when I’ve let my guard down.” 

“Sounds like the physical rehab is a bit of a cakewalk in comparison.”

Arizona smirked, bobbing her head in agreement. Wasn’t that the truth.

She pinched the bridge of her nose, the distant feelers of a headache reaching out in ominous forewarning. “Some days are better than others, some are worse. It’s all so erratic. I think that’s the most frustrating thing, I can have a great day and then wake up terrified of something I can’t even remember. It’s exhausting.”

“Do you think they’re memories? Or a mix of everything you’ve been through?”

Arizona thought about it. “Both? I can recall instances that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget. People getting killed, the day I got hurt, etcetera. But I swear, sometimes I wake up feeling like I’ve been running for my life and I’ve got no idea where it’s coming from.”

“That’s fairly common. The nightmares aren’t always an exact reflection of your experiences.”

“It almost feels like it would be easier if they were. At least then I could try and make some sense of them.”

“These things never make sense. It’s an unfortunate side effect.”

“They don’t make a pill for that?” Arizona asked, making him laugh.

Sergeant McGoudry’s quiet, confident nature was making it _way_ too easy for Arizona to spill her guts to a virtual stranger. By the time she realized how much she was saying, it was too late to take any of it back. He was smiling, though, making her feel like somewhat less of an idiot.

“It must have taken a lot of strength to come here tonight. I’m glad you did, Dr. Robbins.”

“Please, call me Arizona,” she said sheepishly. “Given that I pretty much just told you my life’s story, I think we should be on a first name basis.”

“That’s a very unique name,” Dan said curiously. “Any story behind it?”

Happy for the chance to get away from her sordid past, Arizona scooped up a forkful of pie, suddenly finding her appetite had returned. “My grandfather served on the USS Arizona during Pearl Harbour. My parents thought it suited a daughter more than a son, so I drew the short straw.”

Idle chit chat filled the next few minutes, Arizona finding that she enjoyed the Sergeant’s company. He was a kind and caring man, and he obviously felt passionate about helping others that were going through what he had fought so hard against in the past. He was the first person outside of Teddy and Callie that she had connected with in months – maybe even in the years since Timothy’s death.

“After six months in a military hospital, I could barely function as a civilian,” Dan explained as the conversation shifted to his life. “I replaced socializing with alcohol. The more isolated I felt, the more I drank. The more I drank, the worse the nightmares became, and the worse the nightmares became, the more my waking reality deteriorated. I still have bad days, don’t get me wrong, but nothing like it used to be. I’ve been sober for four years.”

“I can’t imagine having a blackout that lasted almost five months,” Arizona murmured, shaking her head in amazement.

“Trust me when I say that you never want to find out.” Dan relaxed into the booth, stretching his arm across the top. “After I lost my wife and two kids, I thought I didn’t want to live anymore. I came within an inch of killing myself before I accepted the help I needed. I don’t ever want anyone to get as far down the hole as I did.”

“You’re doing a good thing,” Arizona said earnestly. “I wasn’t ready to go sit in a psychiatrist’s office and be told that I’m going crazy. Not yet. This…it helps. As mind-numbingly terrified as I still am about the whole thing, I’ve never talked to anyone about it all before.”

“Different things work for different people,” he agreed. “You do what works for you.” He finished his coffee and signalled the waitress for more. “Do you have family in Seattle? Friends?”

“Not initially, though I have someone now,” Arizona said. “Two someones, actually. I came here to have surgery and didn’t know a single person within three hundred miles. Eventually my best friend, someone I served with, moved here for a job and decided to stick around.”

“I’m glad to hear it. You’ll need them in the coming months.” 

Arizona tried and failed to hold back a mushy grin when she thought of Callie, too, and all that she had done for her since they’d met. Dan must have noticed a peculiar look on her face.

“What?”

“I kind of met someone new,” she admitted. “In the romantic sense, which is weird, considering what a wreck I’ve been.”

“I’m sensing a story here,” Dan said coyly. “How does one find love while sitting in a hospital bed, presumably in a state of traction?”

That made Arizona blush. “It’s complicated.”

“Oh come on. You can’t leave me hanging at the best part.”

Arizona chewed on her bottom lip. “You’re going to think this is ridiculous.”

“Try me.”

Explaining her relationship with Callie was the last thing Arizona had thought she would be doing tonight, but if the last half an hour had taught her anything, it was that talking didn’t hurt quite as much as she thought it would.

“I’m sort of dating my surgeon,” she said slowly, well aware that she sounded like a crazy person. “We’re living together, actually, since I didn’t have an apartment prior to arriving in Seattle.” She laughed at the way his brow shot straight up in surprise. “It’s not as inappropriate as it sounds! Nothing happened until after I was out of the hospital, honestly. And she’s amazing, I don’t know what I would have done without–”

Arizona balked as soon as she realized her slip-up. Even with ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’ still alive and kicking, she had dropped her guard after eight months of inactivity.

Way to firebomb her own recovery efforts. _Fuck._

“I didn’t – I-I mean–”

“Dr. Robbins – Arizona,” he broke in, resting his elbows on the table and keeping his voice low. “I have no affiliation with the military anymore, nor does our group, not in any official capacity. You can speak freely without fear of repercussions, I promise you that.”

Arizona half smiled, half grimaced. “I guess this is why I didn’t sign up for Covert Ops, huh?”

“There are many things wrong with the state of the military,” Dan said as the waitress refilled his mug, waiting until she moved onto the next table before continuing. “The worst being the utter lack of respect for injured veterans and their long term care, and the insidious piece of paper outlining ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’. I happen to know that my life has been saved by a gay man on more than one occasion. Fucking government has no right to tell its people who to love while they’re taking bullets and bombs for their country – excuse my language. My wife would have my tongue if she heard me now.”

Arizona let out a bark of laughter, the tension in her shoulders slipping away. “Amen to that,” she mused. “I guess I shouldn’t be too worried. With this bum leg I’m dragging around, I doubt I’d ever be able to go back. Whether or not I want to is an entirely different story.”

“I think we’ve all fought that battle inside our own heads,” Dan agreed. “It’s even harder when you’ve already got voices and images floating around in there that don’t belong.”

“I’m amazed at how good a place you seem to be in,” Arizona admitted. “After what you told the group, I just kept thinking that if it was me, I don’t think I ever would’ve come back from it.”

“But you are coming back,” he argued. “Being here tonight proves it.”

“I thought I came for the pie,” Arizona joked weakly. He didn’t go for the deflection, instead waiting for her to supply a legitimate response. Again, she squirmed in her seat. “Honestly? I felt like kind of a fraud tonight.”

That seemed to surprise him. “What makes you say that?”

Arizona released a heavy sigh. “I’m not…I wasn’t a soldier, not in the same way the rest of you were. I mean look at Ben, look at Adam – they’ve got mountains the size of Everest to overcome and they’re taking it all in stride. I look at myself and feel like an idiot. What have I got to complain about? I still have my leg, my hands, my cognitive functions. I’m thinking of going back to work in the next few months. I have no right to be this screwed up when they’re–”

“Don’t be a fool,” Dan cut in, fixing her with a very pointed stare. “The first thing you need to realize is that you can’t compare yourself to anyone else. No one is better or worse off than their peers. Your experiences are just as legitimate as theirs; under no circumstances should you ‘suck it up’ and get over whatever happened to you.”

“Okay, but–”

“What would you say to someone who was never injured?” he interrupted again. “Someone that didn’t drive over an IED or didn’t get caught in the crossfire or hit by an RPG, and yet they still had nightmares because of the things they experienced? Would you tell them that it doesn’t matter?”

“No, of course not,” Arizona whispered, casting her eyes downward.

“Then don’t do it to yourself.” He hesitated before reaching across the table and very carefully covered her hand with his own. “Some of us have had years to get to where we are today. You’ve barely had six months. If you’re willing to accept help, you’ll get there eventually.”

Arizona breathed in shakily and flexed her hand in a silent ‘thanks’. The lump in her throat kept her from replying right away.

“Some days I almost feel like I’m getting back to normal,” she said hoarsely. “Callie helps. She usually wakes me up before the nightmares get too bad, and I’m starting to talk to her more when I’m having a bad day.”

“This Callie sounds like a wonderful person,” he smiled.

“She’s amazing,” Arizona whispered, staring into her luke warm coffee, tracing a thumb over the handle. “She makes everything hurt less, as corny as that sounds.”

Dan’s rich laughter made her look up and he shook his head adamantly. “Not at all. I’m thankful every day that my wife came into my life when she did. I don’t blame my ex for leaving; things were really bad for a while, but Cassandra – the woman I’m married to now – has been there for me in ways that my ex never could. If Callie brings you even an ounce of the happiness Cassie does to me, then I’m relieved to know you have a support system that strong. You’re going to need it.”

That much Arizona already knew. It might have taken Teddy pointing out the obvious in the very beginning, but these days Arizona was well aware of how much good Callie had brought into her life. She never planned to take her for granted. Thinking about the brunette just made Arizona miss her that much more, especially after such an emotionally taxing day.

“I should probably get you home to your lady,” Dan said, as though reading her mind. Her fished out a few bills and tossed them on the table, waving off her attempts to add in her share.

As they headed for the exit, Arizona glanced over the counter. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

Dan paused, brow furrowing.

“You’re supposed to be on dessert duty. Mark my words, she’ll lock you out of the house if you show up empty handed.”

He grinned and backpedalled to the bakery counter. “I have a feeling my wife is going to love you.”

***

Outside, a light rain had started to fall, dotting the sidewalks and thickening the air with moisture. The Sergeant was just offering Arizona a ride home when Callie’s Thunderbird rolled up to the curb with the window down.

“Looks like my ride is here,” Arizona grinned, waggling her fingers in a tiny wave.

“Hell of a car,” Dan murmured, scanning the exterior, obviously impressed.

Callie ducked down and peered out the window at them, smiling nervously. “I’m not stalking you guys, I swear. Saw the rain reports and figured I’d wait outside until you were done.”

Arizona was far from annoyed. After the day she’d had, Callie was the person she wanted to see most. “Perfect timing. Sergeant, this is Calliope. Calliope, this is Sergeant Daniel McGoudry.”

He lifted a hand in greeting as the rain picked up. “I suspect we’ll meet again under less hazardous conditions.”

“Sounds good,” Callie called over the noise. She reached over and popped open the passenger door latch.

Arizona turned to face her new acquaintance, shaking his hand again even though it seemed so formal for someone whom she’d had such a deep conversation with. “Thank you for everything.”

“My pleasure.” Dan pulled out his contact card and handed it over. “If you need anything before next week, give me a call. I’m happy to help.”

Arizona thanked him again just as the skies _really_ started pouring cats and dogs. He waved her towards the car and held her crutch as she climbed in, then passed it over and closed the door. He pulled his jacket collar above his head and dashed in the direction of his car without so much as a backward glance.

Once in the sealed in the safety of the vehicle, Arizona closed her eyes and dropped her head back against the seat. Silence permeated the air, the pounding rain just about lulling her to sleep until Callie spoke, reminding her where they were.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Arizona lolled her head to the side, fixing her girlfriend with a tired but reassuring smile. “Tomorrow?”

There was no denying that she was curious as hell, but Callie wasn’t going to push the issue, so she nodded and let it go. If Arizona was finally willing to talk to someone, then she didn’t need to know all of the details herself. All that really mattered was that the other woman had help.

Arizona did plan to talk, just at a time when she had more energy to devote to the conversation. Right now she was happy to bask in the company of her girlfriend and focus on a relaxing evening together at home.

As Callie put the car into gear and pulled away from the curb, Arizona reached over and curved a hand across her warm thigh. “Thank you for coming.”

Callie glanced down, feeling some of her own nerves ease at the simple gesture. “Any time,” she whispered softly, peeling her eyes away from the road. “How about we order some Vietnamese when we get back? You must be starved.”

“No shrimp?”

“No shrimp,” Callie promised, grinning.

“That sounds perfect.” Arizona stifled a yawn and snuggled back into her seat. It wasn’t lost on her that not many women would have stuck around when it made more sense to run. The Sergeant himself had said that his current wife played a big part in his recovery. Arizona wasn’t naïve enough to think that she could do this all on her own, not anymore – Callie helped her see that, and she was determined not to screw it up for both of their sakes.

Meeting people like Daniel and Adam only served as an inspiration – if they could hit rock bottom and bounce bac , then she had no excuses not to do the same.

“I’ve got an open bottle of pinot and a chocolate soufflé with your name on it,” Callie added as an afterthought.

Arizona groaned, squeezing her girlfriend’s thigh. “You just said the magic words.”

\---


	16. Chapter 28

_August 1st, 2009_

 

Callie wasn’t entirely sure what she expected to happen – certainly not for the nightmares to simply disappear after just a few weeks of group therapy; that hardly seemed reasonable. But it did catch her off guard when they got worse, or at least more frequent. The dreams often occurred when Arizona went to bed agitated and in pain, whether from an active workout schedule or the residual nerve damage flaring up on its own. As the end of the month rolled around, she awoke three nights in a row, tangled in the sheets and crying out against some invisible force.

By the fourth such instance that week, Callie was exhausted.

It started with a slap in the face - or a wayward backhand, to be more accurate. Callie was sprawled flat on her stomach, snoring away, when something solid collided with her cheek. She snorted loudly and recoiled from the force, wrinkling her nose as the resulting sting began to register in her sleep-deprived brain. “Ow. Wha-”

Arizona released an audible moan, something far from the pleasurable kind that Callie longed to hear. Her head felt like a tonne of bricks as she peeled it off of the pillow to peer across the rumple of sheets. It was dark, but the sound of rapid breathing, interspersed with the occasional whimper, cut through the summer heat like glass. She stiffened when Arizona jerked away from her tentative touch and the offending hand swiped across their headboard, scraping her knuckles raw against the grain.

“‘zona,” Callie mumbled, still husky with sleep as she willed the sludge in her veins to speed up and bring her more mental clarity. Some selfish part of her consciousness beckoned her to forget about everything and just close her eyes, the promise of rest nearly overwhelming after a hellish week. Instead of giving in, she pushed onto her elbows and gingerly slid a hand across Arizona’s shoulder, grimacing when the blonde released another broken cry that choked off in the middle. “Baby, wake up. You’re dreaming again.”

There was no immediate response. Callie’s mind pieced itself back together while she struggled to keep her panic from bubbling to the surface. A full minute passed without any change to Arizona’s demeanor. Usually, when the nightmares weren’t as bad, she only made noises: mostly heavy breathing, sometimes a whimper or a grunt of distress. Other times - on the worst nights - she moved around a lot, like now. While far from being injured, the smack to Callie’s cheekbone was hard enough to cause some alarm, purely on her girlfriend’s behalf. It had to be a particularly bad dream for that to happen.

Arizona’s breathing came in rapid, uneven bursts, and the tighter she wound herself in the blankets, the harder she seemed to struggle. Callie shifted down to kick off the quilt and push the twisted sheets away from their bodies, hoping it might help calm her down. A furious heat rolled off Arizona’s exposed skin in waves and, even in the dark, Callie could see sweat glisten on her forehead. It was a warm night and their broken air conditioner certainly wasn’t helping matters.

“Honey, wake up, you’re safe and at home with me,” she announced more urgently, all the while fighting the need to gather Arizona in her arms and hold on. That wasn’t going to help the blonde feel any less trapped than she did right now. “C’mon, you’re safe. Arizona, wake _up_.”

Arizona gasped and Callie could tell through the shadows that she was finally awake; taut and incoherent, but conscious nonetheless. Relief washed through her while the nausea continued to fester in her gut.

It never got easier, sitting back and watching her girlfriend’s wild blue eyes dart around the room, still lost to her demons in those first few moments of consciousness. Eventually reality would kick in and draw Arizona back, leaving Callie’s heart shredded to pieces by the time it happened. She was so often torn between reaching out and giving Arizona the space she needed to recuperate. Physical separation was hard but a necessary evil she was willing to contend with. After months of sharing a bed and dozens of instances like this one, she was begrudgingly becoming an expert at what tactics worked best. Crowding Arizona only made things worse.

Arizona struggled to sit up, heavy limbs making even the slightest movements difficult. Callie stayed propped where she was and waited for the worst of the nightmare to ebb away before rising beside her. One wrong move could spook Arizona like a frightened animal.

“Hey,” she said tentatively, trying to draw her attention.

Only when Arizona looked at her and Callie saw recognition in her eyes did she scoot closer, sliding an arm around the quivering woman’s back and whispering reassurances that it would all be okay. Arizona exhaled loudly and Callie pressed a gentle kiss to her temple, wishing she could do more to make her feel better.

Arizona stiffened at the contact, fraught with unwanted tension. It took a hard effort to lean sideways against her partner without flinching away from the touch. Every part of her body felt raw; the throbbing in her chest smashed ribs and kept her temperature uncomfortably elevated. Her skin was crawling and sharp nails bit into her forearms on reflex. She fought the urge to claw it off like some sort of heroine addict in the midst of withdrawal.

Sleep enticed Callie from a distance, willing her to wrap Arizona in a cocoon and give in. If she dared to close her eyes, she would be out in an instant. It wasn’t Arizona’s fault and Callie couldn’t resent her for the abrupt wake up calls on nights that she had to be up early. She was just so, _so_ damn tired from an accumulation of events. If she had ever been so foolish as to think that the nightmares would taper off over time, this was a harsh reminder otherwise.

These days there was more to their nightly ritual that required her attention, meaning it would be a little while before she could disappear underneath the covers again. Once the shaking subsided and Arizona’s breathing became a fraction less erratic, Callie brushed some damp curls away from her girlfriend’s forehead and carefully pulled away. Seconds later, a lamp flickered on and illuminated the room in a soft glow.

Haggard lines and puffy lower lids made Arizona look even more exhausted and sickly than Callie felt. Guilt ate at her from the inside because all she wanted to do was close her eyes and fall backwards – really, she was willing to bribe the powers that be for a good night’s rest at this point. Losing consciousness over an open body cavity wasn’t the worst of her available options.

Even so, she dutifully handed over a notebook and pen, recent additions to their nightstand. Arizona stared blankly at the page on her lap, allowing Callie to loosely clasp the pen in her fingers for her, and remained motionless for several seconds.

“Whatever you can remember,” Callie encouraged, squeezing her fist before sitting back.

Arizona dropped her head forward and pushed against the growing pressure beneath her skull. “I don’t know,” she murmured. “Can’t we just…I’m so tired, I can’t even think.”

“You need to try and document the dreams, honey.” More guilt ripped through Callie for forcing Arizona to relive her worst memories, as if they hadn’t already given her enough trouble for one night. “Just a few minutes, then we can go back to bed, I promise.”

Arizona lifted her gaze, noting the mutual exhaustion etched into Callie’s features and thinking how it was becoming a permanent fixture these days. She was starting to feel responsible, no matter how often it was stated otherwise. “You should get some rest. I can do this in the other room,” she remarked, gathering her things.

Callie was already shaking her head as Arizona tried to get up. She reached out and grasped her by the arm, a smile tweaking the corners of her mouth upward. “Nope, I’m good right here. So are you.”

Too drained to argue the point, Arizona fell back and refocused on the notebook with a heavy sigh. Her fingers flexed around the pen and she began to scribble half-coherent notes that probably wouldn’t make much sense in the morning. At least it was something.

Callie diverted her attention elsewhere, having long ago promised to never peek at the journal, even when it was left out in the open. She could respect Arizona’s wish for privacy while she worked through things, but there was no denying how badly she wanted more details - if she knew, then maybe she could help. On some level it even hurt that Arizona was working so well with complete strangers after such a short period of time. The logical part of Callie’s brain told her to cool it, that Arizona wanted to do things on her own time and that she could damn well be patient and respectful about it, regardless of her overinflated sense of curiosity. The whole point was that Arizona was _talking_ , period. Things were better than they had been before - save for the nightmares - and that was all that mattered. The exclusion wasn’t personal.

There was also a large part of Callie’s conscience that didn’t want to know what the woman she loved had been through in the past. She felt sick enough about it already and filling in the blanks would undoubtedly give her nightmares of her own. The conundrum was a whole other mind-fuck in itself that she didn’t know how to handle on the best of days.

The scratch of pen on paper only lasted for a minute, maybe two, before Arizona tossed both aside with a huff. “This is pointless,” she growled, drawing Callie from her revere. “My head is splitting. I remember fuck-all.”

Callie could tell with one look that Arizona was fraying around the edges. Another throb of sympathy welled up and in the process dislodged a reminder of what she could be doing to make herself useful.

“C’mere,” she whispered, scooting out from under the covers and folding her legs beneath her. She fixed Arizona with a patient smile, waiting for her to mirror the pose.

“Calliope…” Arizona started, ready to grovel if necessary. She would take a frying pan to the skull at this point if it meant she could forget this whole mess had ever happened.

“Indulge me. Please?”

As if she could say no to that face. Echoing her earlier displeasure, Arizona sat upright and crossed her legs.

Callie rapidly replayed the process in her head, finding it difficult to recall everything she had read in recent weeks. Arizona might have disregarded the usefulness of the booklet from her first meeting, but Callie had gone behind the scenes and spent hours researching the theory behind relaxation exercises and how she could help in a supporting role. Having someone lead you through the exercises was supposed to help keep everything in focus.

“Ready?” She waited, wondering if Arizona had fallen asleep now that her eyes were firmly closed. “Arizona?” There was a delayed nod from the other party and Callie took that as a ‘yes’.

She straightened her posture. “Relax your shoulders and focus on the sound of my voice,” she instructed. “Now take a deep breath through your nose, let it fill your abdomen, and hold it for two counts.”

Arizona breathed in, hitching awkwardly halfway through when another tremor shook loose. Callie began to rub small, gentle circles across the back of her hands, allowing her to fixate on the pattern of each stroke. It helped the next breath come easier, and the next one, and the next.

It was a routine they had become accustomed to over the last few weeks. Callie’s calming, if not extremely sexy, sleepy voice walked Arizona through each set of deep breaths. Tonight it took a few tries before she finally found a rhythm that allowed her to push through the tightness in her chest and funnel air into her lower diaphragm.

Callie kept her eyes open and watched. The words came automatically as she melded into the role, making it easy to study Arizona’s posture and disposition at the same time. She was tense with a capital ‘T’, but it seemed to be helping. That was something.

Eventually blue eyes reappeared and blinked the short distance between them, drawing a shaky smile from beneath Callie’s mutual anxiety.

“Better?”

“Much.” Arizona’s voice cracked and she swallowed thickly to hide it.

“Really much? Or ‘I don’t want Callie to feel bad that she’s a failure’ much?” she asked skeptically.

“You always make it better,” Arizona shot back, though her miniature display of bravado began to falter. “I’m starting to wonder how much longer either of us can keep going.” She drew her bottom lip into her mouth and looked away. “Maybe I should just–”

“No.” Blunt, quick and to the point.

Arizona frowned. “You don’t even know what I was–”

“You were gonna suggest that you start sleeping in your own bed,” Callie interrupted again. “And my answer is still the same – if you switch rooms, then that’s fine, but I’m coming with you either way.”

Arizona’s grin was half-hearted. “You’re a superhero, Callie,” she mused. “But no one is telling you that you have to do this. You’ve got a job, you need sleep.”

“First of all, you’re more important to me than ten solid hours of pillow-drooling bliss,” Callie argued. “That’s how much I love you. And second, I sleep just fine, but only when you’re with me. Okay?”

Again, Arizona was too weak to argue, instead choosing to nod and go along with it for now. She wasn’t resolved to let the issue slide entirely, but it could be shelved for the time being. Neither of them was capable of getting out of bed and changing location anyway.

Callie replaced the notebook and pen on the nightstand, then turned off the lamp and crawled back under the covers. “C’mere,” she murmured, tugging earnestly on the side of Arizona’s tank top.

Not bothering to hide her yawn, Arizona eased down without a fight. Her cheek nestled into Callie’s bosom and a tired groan filtered through her lips. She sagged like dead weight.

Callie ran a soothing hand along her side, curling the other arm protectively around her shoulders. Her own anxiety had yet to cease and desist, and she continued the deep breathing patterns in hopes of lulling Arizona to follow along. There was little doubt in her mind that the rest of the night would pass smoothly, as it was only a few hours until sunrise, and after one bad nightmare Arizona rarely had another. Her personal demons were persistent bastards that attacked at random, though, so she willed them away with a silent prayer for good measure.

The quiet stretched on until she was sure that Arizona had fallen asleep, only for a hand to slide its way across her middle, indicating otherwise. It found its way beneath the fabric of her t-shirt and rested against the warmth of her belly.

“Callie?” Arizona’s voice was small, meek; about as un-Arizona-like as Callie had ever heard it.

“Yeah?” she asked, dropping a kiss to the blonde’s forehead on reflex.

“I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”

The lump in Callie’s throat grew larger. It wasn’t often that Arizona allowed such vulnerability to reach her voice. “I know.” She was at a loss for how to come up with a better answer than that. “We’ll figure it out soon, I promise.”

“We’ve been saying that for months.” Arizona drew in a shallow breath while fighting the urge to revert back to her sleep-deprived mania. “It feels like this is the only thing I can’t control anymore. Triggers, flashbacks, I have tools. It’s not perfect, but it’s better than before. It’s the nightmares, they’re not – they won’t stop. I’m losing my mind and I can’t…”

“Shh, it’s okay. It’ll all be-” Callie stopped short. It felt like a lie to give such reassurances when they really had no idea how to deal with the problem.

“They’re getting worse.” This time there were tears mixed into Arizona’s desperate plea.

Callie rolled onto her side and immediately gathered Arizona into her arms, weaving their legs together beneath the blankets in a desperate bid for more physical contact. Even in the darkness, she could see wet trails sneaking across Arizona’s face.

“I promise we’ll work on it,” she whispered, cradling a smooth cheek in her palm. “Whatever I can do to help, I will. We’ll figure out a solution to this. Soon.”

Arizona bit her lip and nodded. She didn’t have the ability to verbalize a response.

“They’re worse when your leg hurts,” Callie hedged. “That seems like a starting point, at least until we can find out more.”

“But I don’t know what that means,” Arizona said, failing to hide a tremor in her voice. “It’s not like I can stop walking just so it doesn’t hurt anymore. I need to get my life back. I _need_ to.” She sounded panicked at the idea of such an impossible trade-off.

“And you will,” Callie soothed. She leaned in to rub the tip of her nose across Arizona’s, an affectionate gesture she had come to favourite over the course of their relationship. “Maybe Daniel can help. He went through the same thing, right?”

“Yeah,” Arizona croaked, though she remained unconvinced. Through all of the power she felt like she was regaining in her life, the violent nightmares never ceased to bring her back down to earth. She felt completely and utterly helpless in their wake. 

“You’ll call him tomorrow?” Callie twirled a golden lock around her finger. She wasn’t prone to pushing the point, except when it came to procrastination-induced stress. The last thing Arizona needed was to let nerves prevent her from checking in with her new mentor.

Arizona nodded. “I’ll call him tomorrow,” she agreed, knowing it might take a little longer than that for her to work up the courage.

***

_August 5th, 2009_

 

If running was a way to stay in shape, then whatever it was that Daniel accomplished on his morning ‘jogs’ should at least keep him from shriveling into an old man before his time. That was the story he fed himself anyway, especially on days like today when he arrived home stumbling and wheezing away like an asthmatic. Exercise was exercise, even if his form was a far cry from his once stellar Ranger physique.

The phone was already ringing as he came inside and he seriously considered letting it go to voicemail. Sweat dripped the length of his nose and if Cassandra caught him tiptoeing across the brand new hardwood in his dirty shoes, he would be sleeping outside with the dogs. Still, the occasional SOS he received from a support group member dictated that he took the risk.

The call was on its last ring by the time he hop-skipped over to the landline, blatantly ignoring the sharp sting in his thigh. “Hello?”

_“Is...this a bad time?”_ came an uncertain voice on the other end.

“Dr. Robbins.” Daniel switched ears and took the opportunity to stretch out the stiffness in his hamstring. “What makes you say that?”

Arizona frowned into the receiver. _“I don’t know. You kind of sound like someone just tried to strangle you. Is everything okay?”_

That was cause for a grimace. Good to know that he sounded just as out of shape over the phone as he felt in person. “Trying my hand at a little exercise. I’ll be spending the next three days in traction for it, but it’s a habit I’m trying to form. I hear once you stop cursing your own existence, it can be quite cathartic.”

That made her laugh. _“I miss running. These days Callie practically needs to give me a medal if I make it to the grocery store and back without whining.”_ His warm chuckle set her at ease, dispelling any worries that she was calling out of place.

_“Um, I was hoping I could talk to you today. If you’re free at any point - otherwise, y’know, whenever.”_

“Of course. I think it would be in your best interest to let me grab a shower first, then I’m all ears.” He dropped his leg and bent sideways at the hip, another attempt to relieve some of the tension from his spinal column. Instead it popped rather loudly and sent a shooting pain up his back. Somehow he managed to stifle the resulting groan and gave up trying all together. His battle-worn body was about as limber as an oak tree in winter.

“What’s easiest for you? I can stop by the house,” he wheezed, picking up a pen and paper next to the docking station.

_“Actually, I’m starting to get cabin fever. Would you mind if we went for a short walk or something?”_

The idea of more physical activity just about shut down most of his lower extremities, but Daniel agreed to pick her up and drive them to a nearby park. There was a hint of distraction in Robbins’ voice and he knew first hand how sunshine and warm air could work miracles on a bad day.

“I’ll see you in an hour.”

***

Arizona was greeted by barking when she arrived next to his Subaru. “You have dogs?”

“The little buggers saw me leaving and attached themselves to my ankles.” Daniel lifted the back hatch and Arizona was assaulted by two flying bundles of fur. Tiny, dare she say adorable, bundles of fur, who were clearly trying to prove how big and tough they were. A young Australian Shepherd wiggled excitedly in front of her while the other pooch, about a quarter of the shepherd’s size, did burnouts around her feet.

Daniel stooped down to grab them both by the collar, hauling the grey shepherd into the SUV and scooping the tinier and louder offender into his arms.

“Boys, this is Lieutenant-Commander Arizona Robbins. Show her some respect. Arizona, these are my boys, Tank and Tango.”

“Tango?” she echoed. “Like the dance?”

“Phoenetic,” he grinned. “I had corgis named Whiskey and Xray a few years back.”

Arizona was grinning like an idiot and she tried really hard not to embarrass herself over the puppy love she was suddenly filled to the brim with. She adored dogs and hadn’t been around them in a very long time. “Tank, huh? You’re a handsome boy,” she cooed, holding her hand out to the shepherd.

“That’s Tango. This is Tank,” Dan corrected, bouncing the golden chihuahua in his arms.

Arizona’s brow skyrocketed. “Tank? Really?”

Hearing his name, Tank wiggled around and extended his nose toward the stranger, snuffling loudly.

“He’s the man of the house,” Daniel said, smirking as he passed off the chihuahua. “Don’t let size fool you. He runs the show.”

Tank was about the size of a football and had incredibly soft, golden, mid-length fur. He immediately snuggled into the crook of Arizona’s arm and made himself right at home. Neither the name nor the title of ‘Boss’ came to mind when she looked at him, but he was ridiculously cute.

“You don’t mind if the snausages tag along?” Dan inquired.

“Not at all.” Arizona scratched Tank’s handsome chest fur and the dog released a happy grunt. She could do with some animal therapy right about now.

***

Given the nature of his job, both former and current, the Sergeant was an exceptional talent when it came to watching people without them knowing it. In this case it was less of a stalk-and-snipe and more that he could read Arizona’s body language with only a few sideways glances. Not only did she look tired, but she was distracted and seemed stretched a little thin around the edges. The drive to the park was short and fairly quiet, which was to be expected.

“Have you been getting out much on your own?” he asked as he pulled into an empty spot next to the sidewalk. Arizona hung her disability parking pass on the rearview mirror.

“Not really,” she said, opening the door and clumsily stepping out. “About all I can handle is a walk around the block or supervised chauffeuring when we run errands. I miss being able to get outside of city limits on a whim and go exploring.”

“Did you know that disabled veterans qualify for free State and Federal Park passes?” he called over while unloading both dogs and the set of crutches from the trunk. “That includes camping, access to special areas for hunting and fishing, boat launches, etcetera. If you and Callie are outdoorsy, you should look into it.”

Arizona snorted. “Wow. ‘Step on a bomb, see a free bear’. Sounds like a helluva deal.”

Daniel smiled, matching her expression.

That made her grimace. “Sorry. I’m a little cynical these days.” She bent over to scratch Tango’s ears while Dan fastened his leash.

“Sarcasm is good for the soul, if you ask me,” he said easily.

When presented with both forearm crutches, she pondered the option but ended up settling for just one. They weren’t going too far from the vehicle and any time she used both she felt like it was cheating, not to mention counter-productive to what she was trying to accomplish.

Also, there were puppies. She wouldn’t say no to walking one of them if asked.

Since the incident at the wharf, Arizona had avoided crowded places. When she went somewhere it was during non-peak hours and they tended to keep the number of stops to a minimum. It was an avoidance tactic on her part and someday soon she was hoping to work through it.

This seemed as good a place as any to start. Right now the park was busy but at least it was a wide open space. The sun was out in full force and a light breeze kept the heat to a comfortable level, making their walk along a tree-shaded path quite pleasant. Aches and pains aside, Arizona was enjoying the chance for some fresh air and a reprieve from the apartment’s judgmental walls. These days her leg was able to bear more weight for shorter periods of time, as long as she utilized the crutch for balance. Daniel steered the furballs along and kept the whole group to an easy pace.

Soaking up the atmosphere was all Arizona did for nearly five minutes, allowing her batteries to recharge. The habitual silence was mostly accidental these days; she hardly ever realized she was doing it. It was easy to get lost in her thoughts and forget that conversation was a normal part of human interaction. To be fair, she was with the most patient man in the universe and he never seemed to push before she was ready. Her initial robot theory was still very much in play.

“This week was really bad,” she finally admitted, breaking into the quiet. The lump in her throat grew and she kept her eyes focused straight ahead. “I’ve had these dreams close together before, but this was every night. At least four of them were really awful and woke Callie up, too. Nothing I do before bed seems to stop it from happening. Stretching, breathing, and...other stuff.”

She liked Dan McGoudry just fine, but adding ‘sex’ to the list of things she had tried for relaxation just didn’t seem appropriate to mention.

“Are they still triggered when you’re in pain?” he asked, tugging Tango away from a tree before he could mark his territory.

Arizona flashed him a wry smile. “These days that’s pretty much all the time. I can’t stop working at it, pain or no pain - I have to be stronger if I want to get my career back. Only I’m pretty sure for that to happen, I need to not be insane with sleep deprivation. Hence my dilemma.”

“Just make sure you don’t push it too hard,” he said. “I royally fucked up my rehabilitation the first time around and, believe you me, it was not a good experience.”

The idea of being set back to square one nearly made Arizona go catatonic. “I’m careful, just frustrated. Six months ago I never even wanted to leave the house; now I’m suddenly bored to tears and wishing I could step back in the OR tomorrow. I know Callie’s concerned that I’m moving too fast, even if she doesn’t say it.”

“There’s nothing wrong with pushing your boundaries, so long as you’re aware of the potential consequences,” Daniel shrugged. “Sitting around the house all day would make anyone crazy. But Callie was your surgeon, so she would have a pretty good idea about your prognosis. Try to keep that in mind.”

Both dogs started pulling on their leashes and the veterans turned their eyes up the pathway. A couple with a labrador were coming toward them, the larger canine pulling eagerly on his leash. Daniel stopped to yank the dogs around his opposite side, only they went off in different directions and ended up wrapped around his legs.

Tank’s beady little eyes narrowed as he shuffled out in front of Arizona, planting his little paws on the pavement and emitting a loud growl as he postured in defense.

“Quite the guard beast,” she grinned, watching him puff out his chest in warning. “He would be offended if he knew how adorable he is.”

The lab passed by, sniffling in Tank’s direction, as if wondering why the little creature was making such a big fuss. A quick correction from his owner and Tank shrunk back on his haunches, planting his butt down on the pavement and huffing in what she assumed to be annoyance.

“My hero.” Arizona knelt down to scratch his ears. His brown eyes drooped closed and he twisted around to lick her hand.

“He’ll be heartbroken when he finds out you’re taken,” Daniel mused.

“Not once he sees my girlfriend. She’s way prettier than me.” Arizona blushed as soon as the words left her mouth. It was true, though - Callie was gorgeous and she had a way with animals. No doubt Tank here would melt right into the palm of her hand.

“You really do need to introduce us properly sometime,” Daniel said. “I hear so much about her.”

Shooting the older man a playful grin, Arizona heaved herself upright. “Definitely.” She waited as he unwove the leashes from around his ankles and, to her delight, handed over Tank’s.

“He’s much more likely to listen to you, anyway.”

They didn’t bring up the subject of her nightmares again until they had walked a fair distance around the park’s perimeter. Ahead, a pair of teenagers vacated a wooden bench that they quickly took up, happy to be sitting again.

“If you’re looking for me to give you a simple solution to the nightmares, I’m afraid you’ll be disappointed,” Daniel said once they were settled. He kept his eyes on the dogs, who wandered back and forth as far as their restraints would allow. “There may be some newer methods that can help. Prazosin has shown promising results when used on patients with frequent bouts of post-traumatic nightmares.”

“Prazosin?” Arizona echoed. “Blood pressure medication?”

“Something about the nerve receptors in the brain and how they contribute to the development of dreams. Prazosin inhibits them from firing,” he said, tapping the side of his temple. “Don’t ask me for the specifics, you’re the doctor here. But it’s been shown to help in come cases. It could be something worth looking into in the short term.”

Arizona remained quiet for another length of time. “That would require a pretty extensive psych eval, huh?”

“Not necessarily,” he said carefully, “but yes, I believe you would have to step into the office of a psychiatrist and go through a certain number of steps first. Is that really the worst option, considering what you’ve been going through?”

Arizona didn’t have an answer for that. Doctor or not, she didn’t want to become a zombie, so hopped up on drugs that she could barely function. Taking her pain medication when it got really bad was about as far as she was willing to go for now, and even that made her feel completely useless for hours.

“There’s also yoga,” Dan’s voice cut in, dragging her out of her revere. “It’s not just for the hippies these days, or so I’ve been told.”

Callie in tight spandex - she could work with that. The thought brought a genuine smile to Arizona’s face. “I’ll consider it as an option. Both of them.”

“In the meantime, try to keep up your dream journal, as elementary school as it seems.” He leaned forward and pulled a small, worn notebook out of his back pocket, then held it out for Arizona to take. “This is the first one I ever wrote, back when I would rather jump out a fifty storey high-rise than talk about my problems. I thought it might help.”

Arizona stared at him. “Are you sure? This is awfully private.”

“I don’t show it to everyone who comes through our doors,” Daniel said slowly, “but yes, in this case, I’m sure.” He pushed it into her hands and relaxed again. “Go through it whenever you have time. I don’t know if it’ll help sort out your own thoughts, but you never know.”

Arizona didn’t dare crack it open right now, outside and in plain view. She tucked it safely inside the lining of her jacket pocket. “Thank you. I’ll be sure to get it back to you soon.”

Tank suddenly jumped up and wedged himself on the bench between them, wiggling down until he was seated. Most of his weight settled against Arizona’s left thigh and she automatically reached down to touch his side. The warmth of a living, breathing creature beneath her fingertips was grounding. When she felt her mind slipping back toward darker thoughts, she channeled her focus into rubbing his soft fur and counting the number of breaths he took. It helped her relax with surprising ease.

Without thinking too hard about the decision, she retrieved her own journal from the same pocket she had placed Daniel’s in and wordlessly handed it over.

He looked even more surprised than she had. “Arizona, you don’t have to show me this.”

“I know.”

He waited to see if she would change her mind, and only after a succession of reassuring nods did he dare crack open the cover.

“There are only a couple of pages so far,” she continued. “Not a whole lot of it makes sense. I haven’t really read it over since...I haven’t re-read it.”

He hummed, then took some time to scan through the three sections of notes and scribbles. The writing was rough but legible; the thoughts themselves scattered and hard to understand. Post-traumatic nightmares usually were.

“You mention someone named James here, without any details,” he commented, flipping between two pages. “And the explosion you were injured in. Are those some of the more detailed things you can recall?”

Arizona’s shoulder tilted uncertainly. “It’s muddled most of the time, but I wake up feeling what I felt then. It’s so incredibly vividly that I swear it’s happening all over again. The shooting pain in my leg, or the burning, or the fear. And when James shot himself in front of me, I-I...” She realized it was the first time she had vocalized that memory out loud. It felt disrespectful somehow, so she stopped.

Daniel paused for a beat, no stranger to traumatic tales, but clearly still affected. “And the rest?”

Arizona licked her lips and hunched forward, fingers clasped together and elbows perched on her thighs. “Stuff that I don’t even think happened. Like someone’s following me, and I wake up and can’t breathe. I _know_ something is coming after me, that it’ll jump out of the shadows and rip me to pieces.” She ducked her head and snorted. “What the hell does that even have to do with my experiences in Iraq? What is it supposed to mean?”

It was a rhetorical question and neither of them attempted to answer it. More silence passed while Daniel flipped to the next journal page. “Well, clearly you’re crazy,” he said eventually, frowning at the doodle of a scalpel in the margin. “Welcome to the club, Dr. Robbins.”

That got a rich laugh from Arizona, who finally cracked a grin. “Do they allow pets on the crazy farm?” she asked as she scratched behind Tank’s ears. Tango bumped her shins and she dropped the other hand to his muzzle, never one to leave a puppy out.

Daniel watched her interaction with the dogs with a smile on his face. “No one’s bothered to tell me otherwise and I’ve been trapped on it for nearly a decade.”

*** 

_August 8th, 2009_

 

Of all the strange ways Arizona had woken up in the past few months, this had to be one the strangest. Unless she was hallucinating, she was pretty sure that Callie was wrapping a piece of string around her calf, measuring the length on a ruler, then writing it down. Her tongue poked through her teeth and her face screwed up in concentration, like she was trying to make a decision or work out a difficult math problem in her head.

Arizona lifted a curious eyebrow from her prone position and slowly raised her head. “Um, hi there.”

Callie jumped at the unexpected interruption, jerking the items behind her. “Hey! You’re awake,” she exclaimed, looking as though she was being blinded by high beams.

Arizona propped herself up and blinked tiredly. “What are you doing down there?”

“Nothing,” Callie blurted. There was a brief and awkward pause before she crawled forward to plant a firm kiss on her girlfriend’s lips. “Just...checking for inflammation, that’s all.”

“With that?” Arizona said skeptically, nodding down the bed at what amounted to second grade school supplies.

“Everything looks great,” Callie continued. “You should be able to get out for that walk today. But not too long or you’ll strain something. And take both crutches.”

Arizona laughed and ran her fingers along Callie’s collarbone. “You’re really going to sit there and pretend you weren’t just doing what you were doing?” she asked. “C’mon, Calliope, tell me what you’re up to.”

Without warning, Callie attacked Arizona’s lips, earning herself a surprised squeak. She rocked her hips forward and swept her tongue into the other woman’s mouth - not exactly the most inconspicuous of diversion attempts, but was all she could think of to keep the questions from flowing.

Arizona wasn’t buying it either, but Callie was definitely a master of distraction. The warm, full weight of her body pressing down had her sidetracked in no time. Very willing hands snaked around the curve of Callie’s waist and dipped beneath her t-shirt, allowing blunt nails to graze soft flesh and threatening to bite if provoked.

Callie groaned into the kiss. Nevermind that she was already going to be late for work; this took priority, especially since their last sexual encounter was over two weeks ago. The mutual exhaustion and frequent bouts of nightmares had kept sex to a minimum, much to her dismay.

“I have morning breath,” Arizona murmured, nibbling on Callie’s bottom lip nonetheless. “Let me wash up first.”

“I have to be at work in a few minutes,” Callie said before ducking down to burn a trail across the blonde’s throat with her mouth.

Arizona moaned, arching into the contact, and rounded both hands over her girlfriend’s breasts. “Care to stretch that to an hour?” she asked innocently, stroking her thumbs along the rough edge of a lacy bra. Callie’s husky laughter reverberated against the crook of her neck.

“I’ve got patients waiting.”

“Twenty minutes?” Arizona’s hands flex, teasing already erect nipples and drawing a low growl from the woman above. She was willing and _very_ able to make the delay worth her while, especially if she could get her out of this cumbersome bra.

Callie was fully considering the offer when her cellphone vibrated across the side table. “Fuck,” she drawled, pulling away despite Arizona’s protest. Her heart dropped when she saw the call display. “It’s the Chief.” Fingers raked through her hair in exasperation. “He’s bumped up our staff meeting by an hour, which means my consult is going to run over. Shit.”

Arizona pouted. “Ten minutes?” she tried feebly.

Callie dropped down for one last kiss, darting her tongue across Arizona’s in promise of what would come later. “I’ll be home before nine, I promise.”

“Barring any unforeseen disasters,” Arizona mumbled, reluctantly releasing Callie to her duties. She waved a hand dismissively and sagged back into her pillows. “Go on. I’ll just have to take care of business while you’re at work.”

Callie was straightening out her t-shirt when she finally processed what that meant. “You mean…” She trailed off and her brow crept toward her hairline in question.

Arizona’s grin was innocent while her eyes sparkled mischievously. “You’ll never know now, will you?”

If it weren’t for the jam-packed schedule she had that day, now further complicated by the Chief’s request, Callie would have fully reconsidered. As it was, she was already going to skim that staff meeting a few minutes after it started. What was a few more?

“You’re the devil.” She pointed an accusing finger at the temptress. “I hate you.”

“You know it.” Arizona waggled her fingertips in a playful goodbye. “Hurry home.”

With her libido raging in protest, Callie snatched up her purse and headed for the door, muttering “I’m going to be horny for the next two hours” under her breath.

Arizona watched her retreat with growing smugness. Once Callie was out of sight, she lifted both arms and worked a glorious full-body stretch through her sore muscles. More than one joint crackled in protest. While holding the pose, she caught sight of the neglected ruler from the corner of her eye. Nestled into a fold in the blankets, side by side, was a tiny notepad. One quick glance at the bedroom door and curiosity got the better of her. She sat up to reach for both items, cursing her inability to bend more than a few inches at the waist.

Quick footsteps announced Callie’s return as she bustled back into the room and snatched up her supplies before Arizona could get a good look. She wordlessly stuffed everything into her purse and flashed the blonde a brief grin, then all but jogged from the apartment. This time the front door closed loudly behind her.

Groaning pathetically, Arizona collapsed back into the pillows.

She had been given a free day from physical therapy and the idea of spending it alone, in her sweatpants, was somehow both enticing and incredibly depressing. Memories of her former extroverted self seemed like they were from another lifetime. These days it took an excessive amount of coffee and obligations to someone other than herself to get her out of bed before noon.

With the feeling of Callie’s bare skin still burned into her palms, Arizona grabbed the covers and rolled onto her side. The absence of another warm body beside her was substituted for Callie’s pillow, which she clenched in a fist and pulled tightly against her chest. Just five more minutes and then she would make something of her day.

***

Guilt eventually roused her from bed hours later and drew her to the computer. She spent the early part of her afternoon researching Prazosin and its effects, then mulled over the possible pros and cons of subjecting herself to a realm of drug therapies. As a doctor, it wasn’t as though Arizona was completely against the use of pharmaceuticals, but she had witnessed far too many people get bogged down in a chemical bath and come out much worse for the wear. It was a growing problem amongst this new generation of wartime veterans, in particular when they came home and couldn’t get the help they needed. She didn’t want to become even more of a statistic than she already was, and besides, very little of what treatments the military offered had any real effects on PTSD. Experimental was really the only way to go if she decided on it.

Two hours and a loaded search history later, she was at a stalemate - unable to deal with the onslaught of nightmares and memories bombarding her on a nightly basis, yet unwilling to turn to a shrink with a prescription pad for the solution. While aware of the odd rationality and its lack of usefulness, all of this thinking was starting to give her another headache. The only person she thought could inject some logic into the mess was Callie and she was working late.

By five o’clock Arizona managed to wrestle herself into a pair of jeans and gathered her willpower to make the trek to Seattle Grace. To make the trip worthwhile, she ordered Thai takeout for two and had it delivered to the apartment. Callie would likely be swamped with work and Arizona was too good of a girlfriend to let her eat leftover soup from the cafeteria again. These days, fetching food was about all she was good for anyway, so she stuffed it in a reusable bag for easy carrying and locked up the apartment behind her.

Callie was MIA according to the staff nurse manning the front desk, but Arizona did stumble across Teddy and Dr. Derek Shepherd. After a brief introduction to the neurosurgeon, he conveniently left for the OR and she lassoed Teddy into a coffee break.

They were seating themselves in the cafeteria when a torso plunked itself down on the table between them. Literally.

Arizona lifted her eyes to the owner standing above them. “Is this your idea of an early Christmas present, Yang?” She gestured towards the fake body cavity protruding with plastic arteries and connective tissue. It took up most of their eating space.

Cristina looked thoroughly pissed off as she sat next to Teddy and shot her an accusing glare. “I’ve been timing myself for almost six hours and it’s impossible. _Impossible_.”

“I’m not showing you. Figure it out on your own,” Teddy said evenly, sipping her beverage.

“You’re lying!”

Arizona glanced between them. “Anyone care to tell me why there’s a fake dead person on our table?”

“I stole it from the skills lab,” Cristina said dismissively. “It’s impossible to salvage the ventricle in thirty seconds while the rest of this mess is bleeding out. Impossible. He’s deader than dead before I even get to him. My time is better spent elsewhere.”

“I’m telling you, if you can pull that off, then you’d have a chance at saving the patient,” Teddy argued. “Robbins and I have both done it before. In the middle of a warzone for that matter, where we had access to half the supplies you do. Blast injuries are always messy and you don’t have time to prioritize the way you think you should. Change your perspective.”

Cristina remained defiant as she turned all hostility towards her roommate. “You dropped a frying pan on my foot two nights ago,” she challenged. “There is no way you’re coordinated enough to stop this guy from biting it.”

Arizona was used to her abrasiveness by now and unaffected by the dig. “Give me that,” she countered, grabbing the forceps from Cristina’s fingers and looking around for a box joint clamp. “You’re missing half the material,” she pointed out, jerking the stolen artifact to her side of the table and standing up. She began disconnecting more wires from the practice dummy and rearranging the trauma to her liking.

Cristina seemed even more annoyed as she shot Teddy a nasty look. “What the hell? How am I supposed to get it right if you won’t tell me what I need?”

“You’re a smart cookie, figure it out.” Teddy leaned back in her seat and flipped open her cellphone. Outwardly she paid as little attention to them as possible, while inwardly she was happy to see her best friend’s competitive streak back in place.

It was impossible for Arizona not to feel pleased with herself for one-upping Cristina Yang. She was only a fourth year resident and a little too arrogant for her taste. “Okay, hand me that fork. We’ll pretend it’s a straight-curve nine-and-a-half.”

After resetting the plastic chest cavity to what a typical close-range blast injury would look like, Arizona set about walking Cristina through each step of the process from a field trauma perspective. Her hands moved as smoothly as if she had been in the OR yesterday rather than nine months ago, and the mere act of performing a surgical technique sent a thrill through her that money could never buy. It was, to borrow an overused analogy, like riding a bicycle. She could almost feel the scrub mask over her face and latex gloves encasing her hands again.

By the time she rolled through the motions four times, she had the basic, life-saving maneuver down to twenty-eight seconds according to Teddy. “See? Pre-damage control to your damage control,” she said proudly. “Now you have the window of time you need to fix the rest.”

Cristina’s nose was practically shoved into the plastic torso. She looked half confused, half in awe. “Holy crap. That actually works?”

Arizona couldn’t seem to stop grinning. “Oh yeah. I’m bad.” She dusted her hands off and set the surgical tools aside.

Teddy chuckled with amusement as they spent a minute watching Cristina try to mimic the procedure. She no longer resembled someone digging for buried treasure, at least. “You really do need to get back in the OR, Robbins. Or else take up knitting.”

“I’m this close to stabbing myself with a butter knife just so I can stitch it back up,” Arizona laughed. She stole a quick look at her watch. “You think Callie’s free by now? I should get the food to her before it cools off.”

“She’s in her lab,” Cristina said dismissively, still trying to figure out what Arizona had just accomplished and how. “Doing boring things like growing bones in a bottle. She gets pissy when you interrupt her.” 

“Thanks, I think I’ll take my chances.” Arizona finished her drink and gathered her bounty. “Good luck with your dummy. Try not to kill the poor guy.”

Teddy waved as the blonde departed. “It’s good to see her interest in surgery is back in full force.” Met with nothing but silence, she quickly realized that Cristina wasn’t even paying attention; she was too busy parroting Arizona’s procedure. Teddy grabbed her coffee and made a similar exist, leaving her protégé to deal with the stolen property on her own.

Cristina didn’t seem to realize that she had been deserted. A few tries to reconnect the fake, fragile valve had her tossing aside the instruments in frustration. “I don’t get it.”

***

Callie felt dirty. Not the sexy, coy, good kind of dirty where nakedness was sure to follow, but the kind of dirty where she was keeping secrets and being sneaky behind Arizona’s back. In the grand scheme of things it was a stupid way to feel, considering the project she was working, but nonetheless she felt guilty after almost getting caught that morning.

For weeks now she had been holed up in her lab, alternating between cartilage experiments and her newest pet project of designing a customized leg brace. It was a complex experiment at best and she was determined to make sure it could work before she breathed a word to anyone, especially her girlfriend.

By now in her recovery, it was clear that Arizona would have some functionality issues in the long term. If patient and careful, she could still be able to walk without crutches or a cane on a regular basis. The purpose of the brace was to keep her knee in place and take as much pressure off of the damaged muscle as possible. In theory, it would allow Arizona more stability while taking some of the strain off of her body that came with physically demanding shift work. Callie’s goal was to have it slimmed down and as non-invasive as possible by the time it was finished. Too clunky and it would be impractical for use in the OR or a busy emergency room; too delicate and it wouldn’t offer enough support or protection for the leg.

When she wasn’t in surgery, most of her spare time was spent tinkering away in the darkness of her lab. Sometimes she lost whole afternoons to the cause, like today. She hadn’t studied a clock in hours when there was a light rap on the door that finally caught her attention.

Thinking it was one of her coworkers, she called out for them to enter while in the midst of working a socket wrench around one of the troublesome joints. There were three lab desks in the room, the third of which ran along the far wall where she was working with her back to the door. She didn’t bother looking over her shoulder until it closed again and the rustle of a plastic bag caught her attention.

“Hey,” Arizona greeted cheerfully, standing at the front table while she unloaded their dinner.

Callie jumped so hard that she knocked a few of her tools flying. The initial panic made it hard to coordinate her limbs as she haphazardly gathered pieces together and stuffed everything into a drawer by her belly. It only closed about halfway and the brace protruded through the opening despite a few hard shoves.

Luckily, Arizona was focused on laying out the food. “Cristina says you’ve been locked up in here all day, so I came to spring you for dinner. I know, I know, you’re busy,” she added quickly, “which is exactly why I brought the food to you. The wine is chilling at home for when you get off shift.” She finally looked up and flashed Callie a bright smile. “I’m an awesome girlfriend, by the way, so you can thank me later with sexual favours.”

Callie’s too-bright smile was pretty conspicuous. “Great!” she gushed as she whirled around, doing her best to block the drawer from view. “That’s, that’s - that’s really great, t-thank you. You’re great. Awesome. Perfect.”

The odd inflection made Arizona frown. “When was the last time you set foot outside? You sound kind of jittery.”

Callie blinked twice, then three times as she scrambled for an answer. “Uh, I dunno. What time is it?” She swallowed so hard that Arizona could hear her gulp in air.

“Almost five,” she said, checking her watch.

This time Callie managed genuine surprise. “Wow. Guess I’ve been in here for quite a while then.” She laughed nervously. “Oops.”

Arizona released a dramatic sigh and abandoned the food, hobbling her way around the table and toward the back of the room. “See? This is why you need me. Otherwise you’d waste away and years later they would find your skeleton in this lab, surrounded by all of your…huh.”

It was only when she took in their surroundings and the utter lack of research material that her brow creased in confusion. “Where’s all of your cartilage stuff? I thought it would be a lot messier in here.” She spotted a stack of papers sitting on the table to her left and reached for them.

Callie lunged forward, abandoning the back counter to snatch the mess away from curious hands. They all pertained to the brace and not her cartilage research. “Nothing,” she said in a rush, quickly tossing the whole lot into the far sink. At least it was dry, although it wasn’t exactly an inconspicuous move on her part. She was truly awful at playing it cool.

Arizona fixed her with an incredulous stare. “Are you okay? How much caffeine have you had today?”

“Oh, the usual,” Callie said, stepping forward to kiss her on the cheek before brushing by and heading for the food. It was her last ditch effort to reroute the blonde’s attention. “Wow, you really went all out on dinner, huh? This looks amazing.”

Rather than fall for the distraction, Arizona’s gaze fell directly on the drawer she now realized Callie had been standing in front of. Curiosity piqued, she ditched her crutches on the nearest table. Two hop-jumps later and she reached the spot her partner had just vacated.

Callie looked up a second too late and her heart flew into her throat. She practically tripped over herself in an attempt to head off the discovery. “No, wait, it’s not-”

Arizona ignored her and pulled the drawer open.

Callie stopped short, grimacing hard. “-finished,” she added weakly. “Crap. I _really_ wanted it to be a surprise.”

With great care, Arizona extracted the device, sweeping her eyes along the impressive and complicated mixture of parts.

It appeared to be a combination of two separate braces - a hinged, elite style knee brace that was connected to a lower leg rod-and-boot creation. It latched mid-thigh and continued all the way to the bottom of the foot. There were metal support rods on either side, above and below the knee, stabilizing the joint’s flexibility. The lower pair connected to what looked like a supportive foot brace that curved underneath the heel, presumably cushioned on the inside to minimize weight carried by her damaged muscles. It encompassed half of the foot and was slim enough to fit inside a shoe. The whole design was unlike anything she had ever seen before and it served a mixture of purposes, most of which her orthopedic genius of a girlfriend would have to explain.

“I’m still working out how to fit this thing in,” Callie added after a beat, pulling a compression sleeve out of the drawer and tossing it onto the counter. The element of surprise was ruined, so she figured it couldn’t hurt to give Arizona the full picture. The calf sleeve was an elasticized slip designed to compress the lower leg and keep both muscles and ligaments from straining while in use. “You need to put it on separately, but I can figure out a way to hook it together once you’re wearing it. I think. It’ll take me a couple more weeks to get everything right, and then there are countless adjustments to make, and you need to try it in physical therapy to see if it’ll even _work_ …” She trailed off, running out of air and hurried explanations.

“Callie,” Arizona finally breathed, tracing her fingertips along the material. “It’s...”

“Unfinished.” Callie released a heavy sigh and rubbed the bridge of her nose. “I didn’t want to show you until it was done, only now you know, so...what do you think?”

Arizona was almost speechless. “You built this for me?” she whispered, lifting her eyes.

Callie’s smile was as nervous as Arizona had ever seen it. “Yes,” she answered, “I built it for you. There wasn’t anything on the market that really covered everything you needed, so I figured I’d give it a shot myself. It’ll need adjusting once I can fit it on you, but ultimately it should work.” She paused. “I hope.”

To Callie’s horror, Arizona’s bottom lip gave a wayward tremble and the tell-tale glisten of tears welled up in her eyes. Her stomach dropped like a rock and she quickly stepped forward to take her by the shoulders. “Hey, I’m sorry, you don’t have to use it,” she soothed, stroking a soft cheek. “I should’ve checked with you first, I’m such an idiot. This is totally me overstepping again.”

Arizona leaned into the embrace and wrapped her arms securely around Callie’s neck, catching her by surprise. She hated that she was getting so emotional but the weight of what the other woman had done for her was already settling in.

“Arizona?” Callie murmured, gently rubbing her back. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

That made Arizona laugh, despite her semi-fragile state. Callie could be so clueless sometimes. “Thank you,” she said hoarsely, dropping an affectionate kiss to the edge of the brunette’s jaw. “You have no idea what this...” There was a catch in her voice and she quickly pulled away to steady herself. “You have no idea what this means to me, that you’d do something like this.”

Callie allowed herself to smile. She hadn’t expected the reveal to affect Arizona quite this way, but happy tears she could work with.

“This is like number one-hundred on a long list of things I can never repay you for,” Arizona pointed out, clearing her throat. The initial stir of feelings was under control and she wasn’t worried about crying anymore.

“I’m not looking to be repaid,” Callie argued. “I can’t help you in the way I really want to. I can’t make everything bad that happened disappear. But this? This I can do. I can damn well make sure you walk again and that you’re _safe_ and protected while doing so.”

A dreamy sigh escaped Arizona’s lips as she resigned herself to forever being the black sheep of the relationship. Someday soon she really wanted to do something nice for Callie for a change. At this stage, it could never measure up to the generosity, kindness and patience she had been shown, but she would do her best. Callie was one of a kind and deserved nothing less.

“Can I show you how it works?” Callie asked. She was trying to keep her nervous excitement at bay but failing horribly – her mouth kept twitching while she tried to smother it. It was the sweetest thing Arizona had ever seen.

“Please do,” she smiled, releasing her hold to step back and lean comfortably against the counter.

Given the go-ahead, Callie didn’t hesitate to launch into a long and detailed explanation of what her goals entailed. She showed Arizona the different parts on the brace and how she had combined them from various designs. Her knee would be completely stabilized, which would drastically reduce swelling from overuse. The foot brace would attach to the rods running up the length of her calf, and the inner metal plating and bottom support would keep her full weight from bearing down on the lower half of her leg. Eventually it could be removed if Arizona was able to handle her own weight without assistance, but for now it was designed to ease her body back into every day usage. A full (or even half) shift at work was a hell of a lot more to get through than periodic busy moments at home.

When she was finished, Callie felt the pool of nerves come rushing back. “Is it too much?” she hedged. “Because I don’t want there to be any pressure. I wasn’t trying to step out of place or go behind your back. If you’d rather scrap the idea-”

Arizona took a step forward and guided Callie into a gentle kiss, twisting her fingers into the dark curls she couldn’t seem to get enough of. “It’s perfect,” she murmured, resting their foreheads together. “No one has ever done anything like this for me before.”

Callie managed to smile as the butterflies began to dissipate. 

“You keep outdoing yourself,” Arizona added. “I don’t even know what to say. Except thank you, of course.”

“It might take a few tries to get everything right, but I know it’ll work. I won’t stop until it’s perfect.”

Now that she knew what Callie had been up to for the past couple of weeks, Arizona’s whole body was buzzing with excitement. “Can I try it on?”

The request took Callie by surprise. “Really?” When Arizona nodded eagerly, she thought it over and couldn’t find a reason not to. “Yeah, sure. I mean, it’s all pieced together right now, and I could make a few handy adjustments while you’re wearing it… just don’t try to walk yet, okay?”

“Yes ma’am,” Arizona teased. She dropped her hands away and watched Callie bounce on the balls of her feet, infused with the same fierce energy that she loved so much about her.

The orthopedic surgeon slipped seamlessly into work mode, taking the brace to the back counter and spending a few quiet minutes mumbling to herself. The sound of last-minute adjustments being made and tools being discarded haphazardly had Arizona peering over her shoulder, only to get shooed away again. Finally, Callie turned around.

“I’m gonna need you to take off your pants,” she said evenly, dropping her gaze to Arizona’s waist. “If you want, we can go to an on-call room for this.”

Somehow Arizona resisted the urge to turn that into a come-on. “I locked the door when I came in, so we can do it here. No sense in carrying around all of your tools.” She immediately started undoing her belt.

It took a very stern reminder of what a professional would do in her shoes for Callie to peel her eyes away from the sight. They hadn’t had sex in a couple of weeks and she was in a relationship with the hottest woman on the planet. Any time Arizona took her pants off, Callie had dirty thoughts.

So very many dirty thoughts.

“Do you need some help?” Her voice cracked sharply and prompted her to stare at the opposite wall.

Arizona didn’t bother to hide her smirk as she wiggled the jeans down her hips. “Oh, that could be fun.”

Callie gnawed on the inside of her cheek. “Behave. Technically you’re a patient right now.”

“I’m taking my clothes off in your laboratory,” Arizona said coyly. “That hardly makes me a regular patient.”

Suddenly Callie couldn’t seem to stop grinning. “Keep it in your pants, woman,” she mused, moving the brace to the centre table and setting it aside. “Do you need help with those or not?”

Arizona lifted her hands and surrendered pants-removing duty to her girlfriend. “Yes, please.” She stood still, belt and zipper hanging loosely around her thighs.

“God help me,” Callie muttered under her breath as she rolled up her sleeves and stooped down. Try as she might, she failed miserably at keeping her thoughts pure and productive as the smooth expanse of Arizona’s legs revealed themselves. She had to pause and remove her shoes, and in the meantime took a spare second to run a hand across the back of a creamy thigh.

It nearly broke her willpower completely – there were just so many things she could be saying or doing right now - but somehow she managed to get the blonde undressed without misbehaving. She was a little proud of herself for showing such restraint.

Arizona, on the other hand, was pouty at the lack of teasing. They were alone in a dark room together and it would be a shame not to take advantage. It appeared that she needed to amp up her game, so she took a moment to run her fingers through Callie’s hair, marveling at how ridiculously soft and flowy it was. “Thank you, Calliope,” she said innocently.

Callie just about swallowed her tongue. “Mm-hm,” was all she managed in an effort to keep it clean – only Arizona could make her weak in the knees by using her full name that way. She neatly folded the jeans as a distraction and tried not to think about how close her mouth was to...stuff.

A heavy sigh escaped Arizona’s lips. Apparently she needed to spell it out. “Callie?”

“Yeah?” She carefully looked up.

“I don’t think I want to wait until tonight to thank you.”

Oh for the love of-

With her legs shaking beneath her, Callie stood up and set the pants aside, her weak resolve now firmly demolished. “I think we should take care of you first,” she said slowly, pulling her bottom lip into her mouth and sweeping her eyes down in a quick once-over. Only in her dreams did she ever have a half-naked Arizona Robbins alone in her lab. Suddenly the nerves were gone and replaced by a whole new sensation.

Arizona recognized the change of pace immediately. “I’ll follow your lead,” she promised, keeping their eyes locked. She stepped back and planted her palms on the surface of the table in anticipation of pulling herself up. 

Callie stepped in and took control. She pressed Arizona into the counter with her hips, temporarily dropping her gaze to the blonde’s mouth before staring casually over her shoulder. She pushed items out of the way behind her, choosing to reach around rather than do it the easy way.

Arizona leaned back as far as she could manage, though it wasn’t enough to keep Callie’s intoxicating scent from filling her nose. Her heart rate tripled and she knew it was all a part of her girlfriend’s master plan.

When the space was cleared, Callie didn’t hesitate before curving both hands around the swell of Arizona’s ass. They flexed in a firm grasp, earning a sharp jolt, before rounding down to the back of her thighs. Blunt nails left little half-moon marks that would be visible later as she gave another tell-tale squeeze before hoisting her up.

Callie’s ability to manhandle her never ceased to turn Arizona on. Never before had she been with a woman so sure of her strength and so willing to use it to her advantage. The hands that spent their days breaking and mending bones were both subtle and caressing, and always so careful with her that Arizona loved every minute of it.

She wasn’t without game of her own. Callie tried to step away and instead found herself trapped between Arizona’s legs. “Not so fast,” she husked, slinking both arms around the brunette’s neck before pulling her into a heated kiss.

Callie’s careful control slipped as she allowed herself to lean into it. Arizona’s lips were soft and minty, like she had chewed peppermint gum moments before arriving. Underneath was the unmistakable taste of _her_ , Callie’s personal favourite.

She abruptly broke the kiss and grabbed Arizona by the wrists. “Hands on the table,” she scolded, planting them next to her hips. “They move, I stop what I’m doing.”

Arizona’s brow skyrocketed. She debated arguing, but one stern look from Callie and she dropped them behind her, leaning her weight into her palms. “Yes, Dr. Torres.”

Callie’s impish grin never faded as she rolled up the sleeves of her lab coat another inch. Her foot caught the bottom of a rolling stool and guided it over, allowing her to plop down and reach for Arizona’s right foot. Rather than shove the brace on first, she took a careful, meticulous inventory of the rigid scarring and the fluidity of the joint. Her thumbs pushed into the curve of Arizona’s knee and worked their way down the whole leg in slow, deepening circles. Nothing felt out of place and the inflammation was down considerably from a few days ago – all good signs. Eventually her fingers joined in and worked around the deficit of Arizona’s calf muscle. This time it was less of a check-up and more to hear the small gasp that escaped her lips above. 

Arizona still felt that initial, visceral reaction whenever Callie touched the part of her that had suffered the most. She was used to it by now, but whenever the brunette’s fingers would ghost across the gash of muscle, she would jump. Now was no exception. The only thing Callie did was run her fingers across it twice, acclimatizing her to the sensation as she always did.

“Feeling good today?” Callie looked up from under her lashes.

Arizona gulped and gave a silent nod. It was all she was capable of doing.

“Good.” Callie patted her knee and eased the foot down to rest in her lap. “Can you hand me the compression sleeve, please?”

Arizona remained suspicious of the overtly professional tone. Callie seemed a little too coy for the doctor act to be purely genuine. Even so, she wordlessly passed the slip over and didn’t ask any more questions.

Callie over-reached and brushed her fingers across Arizona’s, then retracted like nothing had happened. Her focus shifted to slipping on the nylon and spandex band, working it over Arizona’s foot and guiding it upward.

“Is this what you were being sneaky about this morning?” Arizona asked, breaking the silence. “With the measuring tape?”

Callie smirked as she wiggled the sleeve up and spent a moment feeling around the circumference of her calf to make sure it was in place. “Maybe.”

“Liar.” Arizona wiggled her toes and flexed the limb to test it out.

“I think,” Callie said slowly, “that we might need to go down one size. I really want to make sure it’s giving you the support you need, and it might be a little loose around the bottom.”

“It feels okay,” Arizona suggested. “Especially if I’m going to be wearing it twelve to eighteen hours at a time. Don’t want to cut off my circulation.”

Callie cocked a challenging eyebrow. “Which one of us fixed this leg from the inside out, hmm?” she scolded. “You need a size down. I can order one after dinner.”

As much as Arizona loved to ruffle her feathers, she didn’t try to contradict.

Next came the brace, which her girlfriend picked up and prepared to slip on. Now that she was about to wear the thing for the first time, Arizona realized how complicated and intimidating it looked. 

Callie loosened the joint tension and all four circular straps. With careful precision, she slipped Arizona’s foot through the top loop, gradually working the brace all the way up to her thigh. “Feel okay so far?”

“Yeah,” Arizona said, watching every move with fascination.

Once the whole brace was slipped into place, Callie began by tightening the top strap and sliding the lower boot around her ankle and heel. She worked her way from the top down and adjusted each strap until all four were fitted snugly around her leg. It looked like she had correctly estimated how much space was needed for the compression sleeve to fit underneath the lower segment and no major adjustments were needed.

“It’s not as heavy as I thought it would be,” Arizona commented.

“I used lightweight materials where I could.” Callie glanced up and smiled. “If all goes according to plan, you’ll be wearing it for long periods of time and I don’t want weight to become an issue.”

The brace very nearly fit like a glove. There were already a few minor things Callie planned on readjusting but overall she had sized everything correctly. Most of her measurements had come from her surgical notes, since the only time she had been able to sneak a look at the leg’s current state was this morning. Nothing had changed for the most part, other than the tiny bit of healthy bulk that Arizona had put on through strength training.

Speaking of strong, healthy legs, now that the brace was on, Callie took a moment to glide her hands along Arizona’s upper thighs. Nimble fingers pushed deep into the muscle, sliding up until they were perched a mere inch below her buttocks.

“Now how does it feel?” she asked in a sultry tone.

Arizona’s arms were shaking with the effort of holding herself up. For once it had nothing to do with weakness or exhaustion, and everything to do with how evil her girlfriend was. “I-I – good.”

“I good?” Callie smirked, squeezing her palms and tugging Arizona up to the very edge of the table. “With a vocabulary like that, it’s a wonder you got through med school.”

“Yeah, well, in med school I didn’t have someone like you touching my–” Blue eyes just about popped out of her head when Callie’s hand slid between her legs. “ _Oh_ \- t-there.”

Callie felt like the cat’s pajamas. Teasing Arizona never got old and she was _so_ good at it. “You ruined my surprise,” she husked, sliding her fingers along the damp material covering her girlfriend’s sex. “I think you owe me.”

Arizona gulped. Loudly. “Should I…t-the brace?”

“Leave it on.” Callie dropped her gaze between their bodies while she continued to stroke Arizona’s panties, rewarding her patience with a hard stroke from top to bottom. “I’ve got some more tests to run.”

Arizona’s eyes fluttered closed. For the life of her, she could not imagine what sort of useful information Callie would garner from something like this, but far be it from her to complain.

Callie’s palm pressed into her clit and drew a sharp gasp, only for her to pull away. Before Arizona could beg, scold or otherwise pout, Callie hooked her fingers into the waist of her underwear.

“Tests, huh?” she laughed, sounding vaguely dizzy. “This feels like we’re about to play a naughty game of ‘Doctor’. What kind of ‘test’ is this supposed to be?”

“I need to make sure this thing is functional in all different kinds of situations,” Callie said carefully, waiting for Arizona to ease her hips up so she could pull the thin material over them. It pleased her to no end when she saw immediate evidence of her partner’s arousal.

“For example, if I pull you into an on-call room-” Callie meticulously guided the panties down the brace, taking extra care to ensure that nothing caught along the way. “-can I get these off in a timely manner? Or do I need to start carrying around pocket scissors instead?”

“Those are the important points.” Arizona giggled and chomped down on her lower lip to keep from smiling too hard. When she’d come here with dinner, the last place she had expected to find herself was sitting bare-assed on Callie’s work station. No one could ever claim they weren’t spontaneous.

“The _most_ important,” Callie agreed. The garment slipped free and she pocketed it in her lab coat – for safe keeping, of course.

Arizona’s next breath was considerably shakier than the last, and she was finding it harder and harder to focus. Of all the ways to feel open and exposed, completely at Callie’s mercy, this pretty much took the cake. “What are you…?” she began, swallowing thickly when her vocal chords failed to fire.

Callie’s answer was to slide a finger into her sex, allowing Arizona to draw her own conclusions. She grabbed her by the waist and just about pulled her over the edge of the counter, simultaneously capturing her lips in a fiery kiss. Arizona’s answering moan told her all she needed to know right now.

Somehow Arizona managed not to fall off like the ungraceful swan that she was these days. Her right arm shook with the effort of holding herself up while the left found its usual place on the back of Callie’s neck, fingernails digging into the heated flesh at the base of her skull. Callie held still inside of her, coaxing her clit into being with a wet, barely-there swirl of her thumb. She repeated the motion, just enough to make Arizona thrust her hips forward for more contact.

Callie stilled and broke the kiss. “How many times do I have to say it? You move, I stop.”

“You specified hands only,” Arizona croaked.

“I’m amending things.” She slid a second finger in easily alongside the first, giving her a small preview with a few light, timely strokes. “Keep still.”

Blue eyes fluttered dangerously. “Callie…” She got the stern Torres-eyebrow in return and there was no arguing with The Eyebrow; so, very reluctantly, she returned her other hand to the table and willed her lower half to stay put.

Callie didn’t make it easy. She worked Arizona with her fingers, gradually increasing the pressure but keeping the pace casual. Her mouth sought out eager lips and they spent a solid minute or two making out, a feat which nearly caused Arizona’s hands to leave their designated position more than once. Each time her arms twitched with the phantom gesture of a movement, she would grunt in annoyance, never once breaking the kiss.

Before long Callie needed to pull away and let her smug grin break free. She did her best to hide it in the crook of Arizona’s neck by attaching her mouth to a patch of skin just below her ear and leaving her mark.

“Evil,” Arizona growled, completely out of breath. She could hardly complain when her girlfriend chose that moment to bring her thumb back up, alternating between gentle circles of her clit and long traces of her labia. It was no secret to either of them at this point that she was embarrassingly wet, but just in case, she let out a small moan of approval. Callie deserved all the praise.

“Tell me what you want,” Callie husked, pushing deeper and spreading her fingers. Arizona drew in a sharp breath and Callie leaned back again. “What do you want me to do to you?”

“Fuck me,” Arizona whispered without hesitating. “Don’t stop.” She ducked her head forward with the intent of kissing her girlfriend, only for Callie to go completely still.

_Christ._

Never having been gifted with patience – particularly when it came to secret laboratory sex – Arizona just about lost it. “I didn’t _move_ ,” she whined, very close to begging for more. Shame was for idiots that didn’t know what was good for them.

Instead of answering, Callie pulled out completely and curved both hands underneath the blonde’s thighs, careful to avoid any additional pressure where the brace was wrapped. One swift tug and Arizona’s ass perched precariously over the edge of the desk again, with Callie taking on the extra bit of weight for support. She plunked herself down on the stool she had vacated earlier and immediately buried her face between her girlfriend’s legs.

By now it was pretty much impossible for Arizona to hold herself up the way she was. She collapsed onto her forearms and somehow managed to keep from sprawling across the desk entirely. Her right leg jutted over Callie’s shoulder, still encompassed by the stiff brace, but at least it didn’t seem to be hindering their progress.

Callie was well-versed in what made Arizona squirm. She devoured her with her tongue, moaning as a thorough exploration had her drowning in her girlfriend’s taste. She eagerly sought out and sucked the sensitive nerve bundle with enough pressure for Arizona to buck her hips. The sounds freely flowing from her mouth were already generating an uncomfortable heat in Callie’s scrub pants. It had been so long since she’d heard anything like it – cries of pleasure trumped terrified and in pain every day of the week.

Arizona finally dropped onto her back and simply dealt with the hard, uncomfortable surface of the desk. A fine sheen of sweat broke free as her stomach gave a sharp hitch. She lost track of time, but enough passed that she marvelled at Callie’s lung capacity, or else her ability to breathe without needing to stop what she was doing. “Calliope, _please_ ,” she begged, nudging her hips forward in a desperate bid for more.

The urge to feel and taste Arizona at the height of ecstasy overruled any notion Callie might have had about dragging it out. She shifted the brace over her shoulder, allowing Arizona some continued assistance with holding the extra bit of weight up, and hurriedly plunged her fingers back inside.

Deep, hard thrusts and attention lavished against her clit had Arizona cresting with her first wave in no time. She tried – and failed – to keep it quiet, but she was only human. There was a very real possibility that other people were outside in the hall and the idea of being listened in on by potential future co-workers was enough to make her bite down on her hand like a silencer. Long after hypersensitivity forced Callie to abandon direct stimulation, those perfect, elegant fingers continued to pump inside of her, drawing her orgasm out in full.

“Okay, mercy, please,” Arizona finally groaned, her whole body left feeling flushed and breathless. Her thigh jerked reflexively against Callie’s cheek and only then did the brunette force herself to pull away. Arizona sagged back like a wilted sack of potatoes, spent.

Callie was grinning like a prize fighter as she quickly wiped her mouth and withdrew her fingers. “ _Fuck_ ,” she announced, summing up both of their thoughts in one easy word. Nothing she had ever seen could compare to the sight of a sweaty, panting Arizona sprawled across her lab table, looking thoroughly and completely sated.

She ‘oughta get major stud points for this one.

“You are so sexy,” she growled, hooking an elbow underneath Arizona’s right thigh and pushing her t-shirt up a couple of inches. She rose from the stool just enough to press her lips to the blonde’s navel, marvelling at how soft her belly was.

“Mm-hm,” Arizona murmured incoherently, staring cross-eyed at the ceiling. Her shoulder blades were digging into the counter but she couldn’t quite seem to make herself move. She did, however, manage to lift a hand and place it gently along the back of Callie’s head.

Callie smiled into her stomach. “So, how’s the brace feel?” 

Arizona’s voice cracked when she laughed. “You know, I really thought I would be more vertical than horizontal.”

“Silly you.”

“Yeah, silly me.” She sat up and reluctantly dislodged Callie’s mouth, dangling her legs off of the table.

Callie stood and pulled Arizona into another kiss, releasing a soft moan of approval when weakened arms draped around her for support. “We should get you standing while you’ve got it on,” she murmured, dipping her fingers around the smooth curve of Arizona’s back.

A perfectly sculpted brow reached for the ceiling. “You couldn’t have asked me that _before_ the mind-blowing sex?” Arizona said weakly.

“I’ve got you,” Callie smirked, taking her by the hips and carefully easing her off of the table. It was hard not to get distracted by the taste of her lover still lingering in her mouth, but she did her best to focus. They still had dinner to eat and there were clothes to put on before anyone found them this way.

“How’s it feel?” She stepped away just long enough to wash her hands, after removing the pile of research papers she had thrown into the sink earlier.

“Like that smart mouth of yours went to town on it.” Arizona looked down at herself. “Kinda tingly.” 

Callie let out a bark of laughter. “Your _leg_ , Arizona.”

Right now it dangled half an inch from touching the floor. Arizona was too nervous to put any weight down, even though Callie seemed to think it was okay to do so. “Should I stand normally?” Seeing a nod, she delicately settled some of her weight on it while still utilizing the counter behind her for balance.

The sensation was sort of odd. She was well aware of the fact that some foreign object was wrapped around her leg, and because she lacked shoes, the footing was a tiny bit uneven. It felt stiff more than anything, leading her to wonder how she was supposed to walk with it on.

“You’ll get used to it,” Callie said. “Don’t worry. Right now we can just take it easy.”

Arizona scrunched her nose and turned her eyes skyward. “Well, I don’t know if _easy_ was what I had in mind, exactly,” she drawled, no longer referring to anything medical.

Callie arched a brow when she felt hands sneak around her waist and draw her in closer. “Oh? And what _exactly_ was it that you were planning?” 

Getting her second wind back filled Arizona with a new determination. She would have to work around her physical limitations a little more than Callie had to in this position, but that had never stopped them before. Soon enough she had the tie on the brunette’s scrub pants undone and was slipping a hand into the waist line unencumbered.

It was a rude awakening when a hard knock sounded at the door, making her rip her hand back in the same movement. There was just enough time for her to remember that she’d locked it when it sprung open resistance-free. 

The colour drained from her face before either of them could see who it was. Thankfully she was blocked from the waist down by the solid lab table in front of her, but not by much.

With a panicked yelp, Arizona jumped and tried to pull Callie in front of her. She was suddenly so very aware of how much clothing she was _not_ wearing and couldn’t seem to think of a better way to hide.

It was only Teddy, which helped alleviate some of the horrific embarrassment, but not by much. The two of them looked guilty as hell and Teddy knew it the instant she laid eyes on them.

One sweep of the room was all it took. “Seriously?” Teddy stated, fixing them with an incredulous stare. “This is where science happens, not nookie.”

Arizona closed her eyes. “Kill me now,” she mumbled to the universe.

Callie was more amused than traumatised. “What? I was just showing her my pet project,” she said while indicating the portion of Arizona’s body hidden behind the table.

“ _Callie!_ ” Arizona hissed, taking it in the wrong context.

“I didn’t mean _that_ ,” Callie argued. “Just - hang on.” She disappeared from Teddy’s view, kneeling down. Against her better judgment, she tried to sneak another kiss at Arizona’s stomach while undoing the brace but was unceremoniously swatted away instead.

Arizona’s smile looked more like a grimace as she leaned back against the table and tried to glance at Teddy over her shoulder. “So, um…h-how’s the Cristina thing going?” she asked casually. Her hips gave a sharp jerk at whatever Callie was doing below.

“Oh, we’re on this now,” Teddy said, wagging a finger between the two of them once Callie reappeared holding the brace. “Remind me never to eat lunch in here again. Ever.”

“Ooh, food,” Callie said, perking up the instant she remembered their dinner. She abandoned her post as Arizona’s body blocker and rounded the table to their lukewarm dinner. Suddenly she was starving.

By now Arizona was about as red as a tomato. She searched fruitlessly for her underwear, sighing in exasperation when she came up empty.

Teddy looked like she couldn’t decide whether to be amused or disturbed, especially when she spotted the missing garment dangling from Callie’s lab coat pocket. “Looking for these?” she called out, snatching a pen from the table and using it as a fish hook. She held the missing panties up for Arizona to see.

Arizona blushed profusely and sucked her bottom lip into her mouth as she tried not to die of embarrassment. “Could you, um…pass me those, please?” she asked politely.

Saving Teddy the trouble, Callie snatched the panties back and tossed them to her girlfriend. “Put your clothes on. All of this ‘research’ helped me work up an appetite.” She pulled up a stool and sat down. “Teddy, you want to join us?”

Teddy made a face but she sat down against her better judgement. “You’re both paying for my therapy after this, mark my words.”


	17. Chapter 29

_September 2009_

 

The shrill chirp of Callie’s cellphone was an unwelcome wake up call on the best of mornings, but particularly so when her girlfriend’s head was buried between her legs. She had awoken to the sensation of lips ghosting across her belly and a short time later had ceased all forms of communication other than grunting. It certainly wasn’t something she was looking to be interrupted by trivial small talk with whoever was on the other end of the line.

The first call was easy enough to ignore. She lay on her back, trembling, a droplet of sweat rolling down her chest as she sucked in a sharp breath and released it with a long groan. A mess of blankets obscured her vision below the waist but the movement of Arizona’s head was unmistakable. Callie placed a gentle hand on top of the covers, encouraging her to continue. The blonde showed no signs of stopping because of an insignificant interruption, something Callie was sure to sing her praises for later.

When the caller tried again, not ten seconds after voicemail kicked in, Callie blinked and shot the device a scathing look. A slight tug on her thighs redirected her focus and soon she relaxed into the sensation of Arizona’s tongue working her over.

It was the third call that broke the spell and had Callie roaring in frustration, ready to crush the skull of whoever couldn’t take a hint. Arizona must have felt the abrupt shift in attention because the steady pressure on her clit came to a screeching halt and she pinched Callie on the ass instead.

“Ow!”

“Callie Torres, don’t you _dare_ pick that up,” came the muffled admonishment from below.

“I’m not, I’m not,” Callie said quickly, licking her lips and fighting back a grimace. She was wet and aching for more friction, and talking to someone that _wasn’t_ Arizona was the very last thing on her mind.

The ringing finally ceased and Arizona resumed her pace. “Fuck,” Callie moaned out, deftly feeling around the covers with her right hand. A calf found its way over Arizona’s shoulder and rubbed smooth lines across the centre of her back. “Don’t stop baby, that’s so good.”

“Not planning on it,” Arizona murmured with a husky chuckle.

Just as Callie threw her head back and welcomed the familiar burn growing in the pit of her belly, the forsaken device had the audacity to ring a fourth time. Her rage finally won out in a split-second of derangement and she slammed a hand down on the bedside table, snatching it up and whipping it to her ear. “ _What?!_ ”

It was Arizona’s turn to growl as she stopped what she was doing and slid up the length of Callie’s body. A tussle of blonde hair emerged from the quilt and she leveled the woman with a hard glare.

Callie mouthed the words ‘I’m sorry’ and rolled her eyes at the caller. “That’s great, Mark,” she breathed, triggering another growl from her partner.

“Of course,” Arizona muttered, choosing to busy herself with trailing kisses along Callie’s shoulder to distract them both.

Callie fidgeted and tried to catch her breath, mindful of the naked woman on top of her and the delicacy of the moment. She curved a hand around Arizona’s waist and pulled her in nice and close. “Listen, I’m kind of in the middle of–” She paused when he continued talking - something about an award grant and her research. It was almost enough to keep her attention, but not really. “That’s – that’s great, but I’m not–”

Mark interrupted again. _“The grant circulates the east coast for the most part but I checked and you’re not out of the running in Seattle. You should go for it, Torres. That cartilage stuff is gold.”_

Her fist flexed dangerously hard around the phone as she resisted the urge to fling it across the room. He meant well but Mark was a fucking idiot sometimes and he clearly couldn’t take a hint. Meanwhile, Arizona was looking at her as though she was about to fly across the continent and hit him with a truck.

Rather than forking out the airfare, Arizona started peppering Callie’s chest with kisses, flicking her tongue across the occasional patch of skin or latching onto it with her lips. When she came to an erect nipple, a single lick earned her a sharp gasp, encouraging her to repeat the motion twice more. It was high time Callie was reminded of who she was with and what they were trying to accomplish here, none of which had to do with Mark Sloan.

Callie blinked heavily as she wove her fingertips into the curls spilling around Arizona’s shoulders. She took in maybe a third of what Mark was saying and the only reason she didn’t hang up was because he said he would be quick.

Not quick enough.

When lavishing Callie’s breast with attention didn’t work, Arizona huffed and slid back underneath the covers. She immediately spread her girlfriend’s legs open, wasting no time in bathing her sex with long, slow licks. At least she knew _that_ was bound to get the desired response. If not, then something was seriously wrong with her seduction skills this morning.

Callie just about bit her lip off as she bucked her hips wildly. “Ah, _fuck_ – no, not you,” she gasped into the phone, trying to shove Arizona’s head away as it became impossible to concentrate. To her credit, the blonde was determined and didn’t budge an inch.

“W-what am I doing?” Callie paused for Mark’s question to sink in as a shudder ran through her body. “I’m…rowing,” she sputtered.

That got a laugh from between her legs.

“What?” Callie huffed in annoyance when Mark sounded just as skeptical. “I can have a rowing machine,” she shot back. “Just because you’re not – _Jesus!_ ” There was the unmistakable sensation of a finger probing certain places as Arizona did everything in her power to make this conversation end.

“Look, I’m busy,” she snapped at Mark, cutting him off mid-sentence. “Don’t call again.” She disconnected and the phone clattered to the floor. “You are _evil_ ,” she groaned at Arizona.

That didn’t seem to faze her partner in the least. “And you are in _so_ much trouble,” Arizona countered, taking a moment to pop back to the surface and steal a chaste kiss.

Callie groaned when she could taste herself on her girlfriend’s lips, something that always managed to spark her arousal. There was little time to enjoy it as the kiss was broken and Arizona disappeared beneath the blankets. Callie had an inkling that her morning orgasm was about to be postponed a little while longer as punishment for the rude interruption.

Something told her she could live with that.

***

“I love sex,” Callie announced at the surgical equivalent of the water cooler hours later - the boardroom coffee machine. The looks she received from doctors Yang, Grey and Bailey did nothing to tame her inappropriate need to share things. “Seriously, if any of you ever get bored with men, I’m tellin’ you, women know how to get stuff done. I’m talking… _stuff_.” She cocked an eyebrow to emphasize her point. “Stuff that no man has ever even _heard_ of.”

Blank looks all around.

Callie snickered to herself and proceeded to chug a bottle of water like it was tequila on a cold night. Thanks to Arizona and their physical activities earlier that morning, she was in desperate need of rehydration. It was like going to the gym, only the payoff was better.

Cristina looked like she wanted to either throw up or punch Callie. “Go away,” she said flatly, pouring herself a cup of coffee.

Callie couldn’t have cared less. “I’m your attending, _you_ go away,” she shot back, screwing the lid on the bottle and reaching for the caffeine.

Cristina yanked it out of reach and dumped more into her mug. “It’s bad enough I have to live with you two. Spare me the details of what happens behind closed doors.”

“Seconded,” Bailey grumbled, forcefully removing the coffee pot from Yang’s hands and pouring the remaining dregs into a paper cup.

Callie made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a giggle. “I forgot what it was like to wake up to morning sex,” she sighed dreamily. “You could take away chocolate, cheese, wine, booze, and just leave me with orgasms, and I would be perfectly okay with that.” Six months ago she would have paused to consider her options, but now that her sex life was an actual sex life again, she didn’t even have to think about it.

Only Meredith seemed more amused by the conversation trajectory than disturbed by it. She had already secured a cup of coffee and stood patiently by while Cristina and Bailey argued over who got the last of the creamer. “Amen to that,” she said while taking a sip. “Not even fine chocolate can compare to really good sex.” 

“Oh shut up,” Cristina said hotly. “You’re getting laid, of course you agree with her. Have some respect for the involuntarily celibate over here.”

“Speak for yourself, Yang,” Dr. Bailey remarked, earning herself three sets of stares. “What? Just because I don’t go talkin’ about my hoo-ha like it’s a damn reality show doesn’t mean I don’t have a life away from you people.”

“Who are you having sex with?” Callie immediately asked. “And why didn’t I know this before?”

“You just missed the entire point of what I said, didn’t you?” Miranda said flatly, though no one listened to her.

“Is it the anesthesiologist?” Meredith inquired. “He’s always flirting with you. And he’s cute. Go Bailey.”

Bailey looked like she wanted to murder each and every one of them. “If I end up in an OR with any of you today, the only words outta your mouths had better be ‘can I assist you with that, Dr. Bailey?’, or you _will_ be the next person under my scalpel. Are we clear?” Meredith nodded while Callie just smirked, so Bailey pivoted on her heels and stalked out of the room muttering to herself.

“Bailey’s getting laid too?” Cristina whined, slumping against the table next to Meredith. “There are male hookers, right? That’s a real thing?”

Meredith sighed sympathetically and patted Cristina’s arm. “We’ll find you someone less gross.”

“Arizona’s got lots of military friends,” Callie suggested. “None of them have seen an eligible woman in months.”

“Oh gee, thanks,” Cristina said sarcastically. “I’m so glad you think I’m satisfying enough for the meathead squad.”

Callie snorted into her drink. “Sorry. That came out wrong.”

Cristina actually seemed to consider the option as she pursed her lips and fell silent. “Are they fat? Because I’m so over the whole college boy beer-belly phase.”

“That was a thing for you?” Callie cocked an eyebrow, though Cristina chose to ignore the jab.

“They’re military,” Meredith pointed out. “Stupid haircuts but whatever, you can just put a pillow case over his head or something.”

That spawned a round of laughter at Cristina’s expense as they exited the boardroom and headed for rounds. Cristina peeled off around the corner while the other two continued on their way.

“Grey, you’re with me today,” Callie announced. “I know ortho isn’t your thing but the Chief said you need more hours that don’t include neuro.”

“Fine with me,” Meredith shrugged. “Derek’s in New York for a week.” She took a sip of coffee as they walked. “How’s the cartilage experiment going?”

“Still gooey,” Callie sighed, mashing the elevator button with her thumb. “But that’s a whole other thing. I need you to keep an eye on my post-ops this morning while I work on another project.”

“For Arizona?” Meredith asked. Callie furrowed her brow suspiciously. “Cristina said you were splitting hours between research and something else you two were excited about. I just figured…?”

Thinking about the leg brace made Callie’s stomach roll. “Yeah. I’ve been working on something to get her back up and running – figuratively for now, maybe literally in the future. She’s coming in today to test it out in physical therapy.” She checked her watch. “There are a few last-minute adjustments and things I want to work on before she gets here at two.”

They stepped into the elevator and fell silent as it cranked its way up three floors. Callie shoved her hands into her pockets and bounced nervously on the balls of her feet, distracted and submerged in her thoughts.

“I heard Webber offered her a job a few weeks ago,” Meredith said conversationally. “Does he know you two are involved?”

Somehow the comment didn’t come across as judgmental, so Callie deemed it safe to answer. For all the conflicted history she and Meredith Grey shared, tattling to their boss wasn’t in the resident’s nature.

“Honestly? I have no idea,” Callie smirked. “I’m not about to bring up the details or fill in any blanks. She’s technically no longer my patient so it really shouldn’t matter to him.”

“You build state-of-the-art contraptions for all your friends?” Meredith teased. They exited the elevator and she followed Torres to the nurse’s station.

Callie laughed but didn’t answer. There was a sizeable stack of charts waiting for her and the entire thing was quickly handed off to Meredith. “Here. If you cover these for me, I’ll let you scrub in on any emergencies that show up later today. Tomorrow I’ve got a cervical disc replacement that should be a little more hands-on if you’re up for it.”

Meredith wasn’t exactly over the moon about doing grunt work but she nodded anyway. “Okay. Good luck?”

“Thanks, I might need it.” Callie checked her watch again and calculated the hours she had left before Arizona arrived. If she hurried, she just might be able to get everything done in time.

***

In the months since Arizona had taken her first steps, it was getting harder and harder to remain patient during the recovery process. She had just rammed through almost ten months of patience and was officially fresh out of caring. The introduction of the custom leg brace made it even more difficult to keep her physical therapy at a steady, healthy pace and not rush things along. By now she was ready to work in the worst possible way – she would eat dirt if it meant she got to do something as simple as an appendectomy. No doubt Callie was picking up on her restlessness as she strived to complete the orthopedic device in record time.

The drive to operate again made this afternoon all the more nerve-wracking. Arizona arrived twenty minutes before her physical therapy session to find Callie working away frantically at the surgical ward desk, an array of tools spread across the counter as she made last-second adjustments to the brace. Arizona was more than sure it would do the trick as they had spent the last three evenings practicing in their apartment. If her PT signed off on it, she was well on her way to getting her career back. A surgeon’s check-off was the only remaining step between her and coming out of pseudo-retirement. Given who her surgeon was, Arizona didn’t foresee any problems.

“Cal, I’m sure it’s fine,” she said lightly, noting the panicked flare in her girlfriend’s nostrils. “We went over everything last night. I’m good to go and so is the brace. You can relax.”

“That was then,” Callie huffed, barely peeling her eyes away as she tightened the joint flex. “There wasn’t time for one last do-over this morning. We want your steps to be totally fluid.”

Memories of what they had accomplished instead made Arizona smile. “No, we were kind of busy, weren’t we?” She reached over to tug on Callie’s lab coat, trying to draw her attention. “Just think of it as a pre-celebration celebration. Today is going to kick ass.”

A tight smile spoke volumes about the anxiety Callie was trying to contain. “I just want everything to be perfect. This is a big day and I don’t want anything screwing it up for you.”

An exasperated sigh rushed through Arizona’s lips. “You are even more high-strung than Cristina some days.” She physically took Callie’s chin in her hand and turned her head around. “You are awesome. You single-handedly built me a new leg on the inside and now you’re doing it on the outside. The brace is fine. All I care about is having you there to see it work.”

Before she could muster up a suitable response, Callie’s spider-senses went off and seconds later so did her pager. It wasn’t entirely unexpected; she was the only orthopedic attending on duty and was bound to get called in for every emergency that came into the ER. So far, today had seen a relatively steady flow of patients. She just wished the universe could have waited half an hour for the next one to show up.

Cursing its existence, she stole a quick glance at the pager and immediately pursed her lips. “Oh, hell. 9-1-1 again.” She raked her fingers through her hair. “Maybe I can get Bailey to fill in until you’re done upstairs?”

Arizona’s expression had fallen but she was quick to nod. “It’s okay, Calliope. You have a job to do.” She reluctantly dropped her hands away. “Go save some lives. Do what you were built to do.”

Callie didn’t budge just yet. “Are you sure? Maybe I won’t have to go into surgery right away. I could still make it.” Even she didn’t sound entirely convinced.

“It’s okay,” Arizona reaffirmed, giving her partner a quick peck on the cheek. “Emergency pages you can ditch me for. Phone calls in the middle of sex, however…”

That made Callie grimace. “Have I mentioned yet how sorry I am?” she said lightly.

Arizona laughed and tugged playfully on the lapels of her lab coat. “Make it up to me tonight. We’re invited to dinner with Dan and his wife, if you’re able to get home in time.”

Given that Callie had only seen the Sergeant in passing a few times, she was happy for the chance to meet him properly. She had refrained from pushing Arizona on the issue and was pleased to see that her girlfriend was finally ready to mesh the two areas of her life. “Yeah, of course. Barring any unforeseen emergencies, count me in.”

“Excellent,” Arizona beamed. “He promised a delicious home cooked meal that he had nothing to do with preparing. Apparently his wife is the chef of the family and won’t let him anywhere near the kitchen.”

Callie found herself grinning on reflex. “Sounds good to me.”

Knowing that they both had to make a run for it if they were going to be on time, Arizona bit her lip and resisted the urge to steal a full kiss in plain view. They had always stayed conservative at the hospital, especially with her potential employment pending. Until they knew what the immediate future would hold, they agreed to keep their relationship to themselves, except among close friends. It was better that Callie dated a co-worker than a former patient in the eyes of her colleagues.

“I’ll look for you after I’m done, in case you’re not in surgery,” Arizona said. “Otherwise I’ll see you at home?”

“Good luck.” Callie took Arizona’s hand in place of a kiss. “You’ll kick ass,” she said firmly, squeezing her fingers.

If Arizona was nervous, it didn’t show. “You know it.” She released Callie and took the brace from the counter.

Callie was forced to sprint for the elevator when a second emergency page arrived, quelling any hopes Arizona might have had about her making the appointment. Maybe it was just as well; she still harbored some fear of failing in front of Callie. But it was getting easier to steer those thoughts aside and focus on the positive – today she was sure would go well.

As she made her way to her appointment, the butterflies returned despite the positive attitude, worrying her insides over what would happen if it didn’t. For once there was a hint of excitement amongst the apprehension, a big leap forward in her eyes. Of all the baby steps she had accomplished over the last couple of months, Arizona could honestly say that she was more confident in this one compared to all of the others combined. The final phase was expected to land her back in the OR sooner rather than later, and for once on the right side of the scalpel.

***

Of all the good reasons to miss seeing Arizona in action, an idiot who had pulled himself behind a car on his skateboard was not at the top of Callie’s list. She was extremely short on patience with the teenager despite her best efforts and he could sense it from the moment she walked into the room. Every time he tried to gloat she would glare at him, quickly followed by some sort of adjustment to his leg that would make him yelp like a puppy. She sent him for x-rays and booked an OR for the next morning, and by that time the kid seemed a little bit afraid of her. Good – a few hours in traction to think about his stupidity would go a long way in preventing future accidents. Some days she was a big fan of the Darwin Law.

Despite avoiding surgery for the time being, there was paperwork to be done and Meredith had been borrowed for a bone biopsy with Shackner. Arizona’s appointment had been over for an hour by the time Callie finished what she was doing and packed up her things to go home. A quick check of her phone showed no text messages or voicemail. She did her best to ignore the lingering sense of foreboding in her gut.

As she stepped out of the locker room, shrugging on her coat and pulling her hair out of the neckline, movement caught her eye. She saw Arizona, still clad in her running shorts and t-shirt from physical therapy, rise from a chair down the hall. The fact that she was still at the hospital surprised Callie, especially since she was wearing the brace around her right leg.

Callie’s brow creased when Arizona struggled to her feet, using the crutch to bear a significant portion of her weight. The expression in blue eyes was impossible to read, so Callie waited, hardly breathing, only for her heart to sink when Arizona took a few laboured steps towards her. She looked to be struggling to put weight on the affected limb at all.

The brace must have been useless. Arizona hadn’t been able to use it in context; it was nothing more than a pipedream for them both. Callie’s heart plummeted to her shoes and she momentarily closed her eyes, not wanting the blonde to see how affected she was by the loss.

She knew how much this meant to Arizona and what the prospect of being that much closer to working had done for her confidence. Seeing all of that progress reversed, or worse, Arizona’s hopes completely shattered, gutted Callie to the bone. She had failed her when she had been _so_ sure that this was the answer to a significant portion of her problems.

Mustering the energy to open her eyes again zapped most of Callie’s willpower, leaving her with a heavy weight in the pit of her stomach. She had never felt so disappointed in her life.

Halfway down the hall, upon seeing the defeated look leveled her way, Arizona abruptly stopped walking. The first crack in her neutral expression showed when the corner of her mouth twitched, fighting the urge to rise. She glanced down at the crutch and shifted her weight back and forth, then suddenly lifted the support away all together and flipped it over in her hands. With precision movement, Arizona set the crutch upright against the wall and turned back to face Callie.

Callie’s eyes were wide with shock as Arizona started towards her again, failing to keep a straight face as a crooked grin broke free of her serious and somber façade.

She limped, that much was unavoidable, but for someone who had been near death less than a year ago, her gait was surprisingly steady. The brace was doing its job of keeping her weight from bearing down in all the wrong places and the dull ache she experienced in her thigh would go away with more conditioning. The best endurance building would come with a few weeks back on her feet in the OR. At this stage in her life, a little pain and soreness was nothing compared to feeling free again.

Callie forgot to breathe right up until Arizona walked into her arms, laughing, at which point she exhaled sharply. “You little shit,” she murmured, burying her nose in Arizona’s hair and breathing in deeply. She snared her girlfriend in a bone-crushing hug.

Arizona was still grinning as she tightened her arms firmly around Callie’s waist. “I’m sorry,” she mused. “Couldn’t resist. You looked so serious.”

Callie closed her eyes again, flooded with relief in the wake of Arizona’s morbid sense of humour. “It worked?”

“Like a charm,” Arizona confirmed. “He put me through my paces and I’ve never felt better.” 

A goofy grin spread across Callie’s face as Arizona leaned back. “I am so ridiculously proud of you right now.”

Heat brightened Arizona’s cheeks as she returned the happy gesture. “Thank you,” she began. “I mean it. Without you, I wouldn’t even be…” She was at a total loss for words, ending the sentence with a shrug and dropping her eyes away. At one point in her life she had been capable of drawing up the right speech in a moment of need, but these days she couldn’t think straight when the time came for it. With Callie, there was little she could say that would ever compare to the strength she had been given over the last few months.

Callie’s answer was to take Arizona’s face between her hands and pull her into a gentle, heartfelt kiss, not caring who saw them. “Relationships aren’t about keeping score,” she reminded her softly, “you don’t need to keep thanking me all the time. Besides, you did the hardest part. Don’t sell yourself short.”

Arizona smiled. “I wouldn’t have come half this far without you.” She ducked her head again and buried her face in Callie’s shoulder.

Callie stood in silence and took a moment to bask, loving how open Arizona had become with her affections as of late. Their relationship was exponentially more complicated than it had been with past partners but it was worth it a thousand times over for moments like these.

Releasing a sigh of contentment, Callie was the first one to speak. “How about we get home in time for a pre-dinner bubble bath?”

“That sounds amazing,” Arizona agreed, giving Callie’s hips a firm squeeze before stepping back. “Can I meet you there? I have something to take care of before I go.”

Callie tilted her head curiously, wondering what it could be. “Want me to wait for you? I don’t mind.”

“No, don’t worry about it,” Arizona said quickly, shaking her head. “Honestly, you’ve had a long day and deserve to get off your feet. I won’t be long, I promise.”

Callie cast a look down at the leg brace. “Are you okay to walk home like that?”

Arizona pat the thigh where the top strap was secured. “I think I can handle across the street and down one block,” she teased. “Still got my trusty steed for extra support if I need it.” She nodded to where she’d left the crutch against the wall.

The thought of a hot, steaming tub of bubbles and a naked girl in it to boot was more than enough to make Callie agree. Her old lady bones ached something fierce and, if she thought about it hard enough, she could already smell the pine tree scent that was Arizona’s favourite. “Okay,” she relented. “I’ll save room for you, just don’t keep me waiting.”

“Gonna hold you to that.” Arizona winked playfully and gave a pointed tug on the front of Callie’s jacket. “See you in half an hour?”

Nodding, Callie watched her turn back and walk stiffly to the chair she had occupied before. Arizona took up the crutch but didn’t use it, instead choosing to hold it in the same hand as her gym bag while she gathered her things.

Callie made a conscious effort not to linger unnecessarily and exited out the side stairwell with one last wave. By the time she reached the downstairs lobby, her mind was already on their dinner plans for the night and all the activities they could fit in between now and then.

***

Arizona’s palms were sweating as she stood in front of the Chief’s office a short time later. She had failed to account for her own cowardice and probably should have given Callie a longer time frame for her return home. For almost fifteen minutes she had stood at the railing overlooking the main floor of Seattle Grace, taking in the hustle and bustle of the hospital on a busy weeknight. To think that this could become her home away from home before long was pretty exciting.

It was important to make sure that this was what she really wanted before she set foot in the Chief’s office. By saying yes to his proposal, she would be a full attending at a first-rate medical facility for the first time since her residency. That meant she could finally sign her discharge papers and put that period of her life behind her for good. Depending on the moment, she flopped between ecstatic and terrified.

On the upside, no bombs, dust or emergency drills on a weekly basis. The only downside she had been able to come up with was totally screwing the whole thing up.

When she finally mustered up the courage, telling herself over and over again that this was the right thing to do, she knocked on Webber’s door. Almost immediately a wave of self-doubt threatened to come crashing down around her – was she ready? Did she really want this? What if she failed? – but she drowned it out as a he called for her to enter.

Arizona poked her head in and spotted him at his desk. “Chief Webber?”

He seemed pleasantly surprised to see her. “Dr. Robbins,” he exclaimed, setting aside what he was working on. “I wasn’t expecting you so soon. Please, have a seat.”

Arizona smiled apologetically and came inside, closing the door behind her. “I was hoping you had some time to talk now? If not, I can come back another time.”

Webber checked his Rolex and nodded. “I don’t have to be anywhere for a few hours. I just came from a meeting with the Board of Directors where we were discussing your contract, as a matter of fact.” He shuffled some papers around and handed a bundle across the desk. “Everything is in place. Our legal department is drawing up the official offer sheet as we speak, but here’s the final draft. The only difference between the two will be a more expensive print of paper.”

Arizona’s stomach fluttered as she sank into the chair opposite him and picked up the contract. “So that’s it? I don’t need to jump through any more hoops?” That was kind of surprising; she’d assumed there would be at least some arguing amongst the Board when it came to hiring a surgeon with half a working leg.

The Chief looked pleased with himself. “We’re thrilled to have a surgeon of your calibre on board,” he remarked. “We recognize that it may take some time for you to get up to speed, so we’re prepared to divert a few resources and staff the ER to capacity to help with the transition.”

Arizona exhaled a long breath. “Wow,” she said. “I have to be honest, I didn’t expect everything to go so smoothly. I thought there would be more…bumps.”

Richard stood up and moved around his desk. “Believe me, if we didn’t snap you up right away, then someone else would.” He checked his watch again. “I’d love to walk you through the ER and discuss some changes, and perhaps we can pop into an OR gallery for a moment so you can see what you’ll be working with.”

Arizona hesitated, knowing that Callie was waiting for her at home, but she wanted things to be signed and stamped before she surprised her with the good news. Surely Callie would understand if she was a few minutes late.

“Sure, I’d love to.” Standing, Arizona smiled nervously at the Chief and allowed him to shepherd her from his office.

***

Thirty minutes turned into an hour and a half, which negated their bubble bath plans and left very little time before they had to leave for the night. Callie waited until she was a human prune before climbing out of the tub and draining the water. She was disappointed but also somewhat worried, as Arizona was usually too tired after her appointments to go anywhere. For nearly two hours to pass without her coming home was unusual.

Just as she tied the sash on her robe and went in search of her phone, Callie heard the front door open and close, followed by the scuffle of hurried feet. She felt relieved for the most part, but equally as curious and a tiny bit annoyed.

“Hey,” Arizona called out, dropping her workout bag just inside the bedroom door, slightly winded but seemingly upbeat. “I am so sorry, I got caught up with some stuff at the hospital.”

Callie accepted a quick peck on the cheek as Arizona breezed by her into the bathroom, frowning when it wasn’t accompanied by any sort of explanation. “Oh?” she said carefully, trailing after her.

“Long story,” Arizona said as she pushed down her yoga pants and sat on the closed toilet to undress. “I’ll fill you in later, I promise.”

“Okay…” Callie’s brow creased. “Is everything all right?”

Arizona grinned. “More than. But I’ve gotta grab a quick shower before we have to be at dinner. Can’t arrive all stinky.”

Callie watched as the blonde undid the straps holding the brace together and slid it off with carefully practiced ease. Either she was imagining things or Arizona was avoiding eye contact for more than a few seconds at a time. “Are you sure everything’s okay? You seem kind of…”

Arizona stood up and braced a hand along the wall for balance. “Everything’s perfect,” she repeated. “I’ll be really quick and then we can go.”

Callie blinked when the bathroom door closed abruptly in her face, cutting off any further inquiries she might have had. “Okay then,” she mumbled to herself, shaking her head in bewilderment. The shower started and she heard Arizona get in.

Since a sexy bubble bath was out of the question and they really did need to leave soon, she turned her focus to choosing an outfit for the night. Knowing what to wear when she was meeting the most important person in her significant other’s recovery took more than five minutes of preparation.

***

Jumbled thoughts and emotions rolled loosely around Arizona’s head as she waited for the water to heat up. She felt jittery, partly because they were now running behind schedule and she was rushed, and partly because the excitement she had been trying to suppress for weeks was now rising to the surface. None of it had sunk in until she spoke to the Chief and he reiterated how serious he was about hiring her. Now that the ink was still fresh on her first major contract, Arizona was buzzing.

More than anything she wanted to share that excitement with Callie, and though the words were on the tip of her tongue as soon as she walked through the door, she decided to hold off for now. They had a busy night ahead and rushing the big reveal would be a shame. It was something that Callie had worked just as hard for and it was a moment Arizona wanted the two of them to share together. She had even stopped for a bottle of champagne at the wine store down the block and hidden it in her gym bag before coming home.

In the very back of her mind, a place she had become adept at compartmentalizing things over the years, she worried about alternative reactions. She hadn’t told Callie any of this beforehand, not her conversations with Chief Webber lately nor the official contract offer she knew was coming. Arizona wanted things to be firm and finalized before she broke the news. The surprise was half the fun. This signaled a return to normalcy for the first time since they met, it was a huge deal for her.

Having decided that the information could sit for a few hours without spoiling, Arizona stepped under the hot spray and eased herself into the shower chair. The dinner party would be a fun way to spend the evening and have a meet-and-greet for all the new people in her life. Later tonight she was reserving for just the two of them.

***

Not for the first time that evening, Callie found herself smoothing down the front of her chosen black cocktail dress. They stood on the front stoop of Sergeant McGoudry’s house, waiting for the chorus of barking to subside and the door to open. “Are you sure this looks okay? I don’t want to be over dressed,” she asked again, casting a nervous glance in Arizona’s direction.

Arizona shot her a quirky smile and linked arms. “Are you kidding me? You look gorgeous,” she reiterated. “The guys aren’t going to be able to take their eyes off you.”

Callie didn’t know about that, but then she didn’t have the slightest clue what to expect. It was a casual dinner with a small group of people from Dan and Arizona’s circle, but she didn’t want to go in jeans and a t-shirt. She’d settled on a simple black dress that wouldn’t be considered too dressy, with a neckline that was low but not _too_ low, and a pair of black pumps. By the time they arrived, she was starting to think the extra height made her look like a giant. Judging by the drool she’d had to mop off of Arizona’s chin, however, she’d hit a home run in her girlfriend’s eyes.

Arizona herself had gone for a more casual look, mostly because it was comfortable and jeans were better able to hide the brace underneath. A loose-fitting but stylish blue top brought out the colour of her eyes and dressed the ensemble up a little, and she applied make up for the first time in a long while. Having an excuse to wear something other than yoga pants or pajamas was thrilling.

The best part of tonight was definitely having such a stunning woman on her arm. Arizona was busy staring at Callie like she was the dessert course when a woman in her mid-50s opened the door. Callie’s sharp elbow snapped her attention forward again.

“Arizona, it is so nice to finally meet you,” Cassandra gushed, ushering them inside and immediately exchanging hugs with both women. “And you must be Callie. We’ve been looking forward to having you over for weeks.”

Like her husband, there was a friendly sparkle in her brown eyes and a warmth that radiated from her smile. She was tall, maybe half an inch shorter than Callie when she wasn’t in heels, and shared a similar blonde tint in her hair to Arizona, with a few strands of grey already peeking through. She reminded Arizona of her mother ten or fifteen years ago, back when their relationship had been normal and happy.

“Please excuse the apron,” Cassandra explained, gesturing to the one she wore over a white blouse and pencil skirt. “The boys are busy raiding my kitchen and if I don’t cover up, dinner will end up all over me instead of your plates.”

Callie snickered as she shrugged off her jacket, which Cassandra promptly took. “Must be a military thing. You should see when Arizona tries to bake, it’s like our kitchen exploded.”

Arizona scoffed. “That was one time,” she argued, though if her memory served right, the mess had been pretty epic.

Soon they were greeted by two noisy hounds circling their feet, busy tripping over each other in the rush to gain the visitors’ attention. Callie kicked off her heels and stooped low to scratch behind Tango’s ears. The Australian Shepherd went limp and rolled to expose his belly, causing a big grin to stretch across her face. Tank gave her fingers a quick sniff and a friendly lick, then bounded over to paw at Arizona’s leg with a welcoming ‘woof’.

Arizona picked the Chihuahua up and flipped him over like an infant, letting him sprawl across her forearm. “I missed you too, yes I did,” she cooed, scratching his belly and carrying him into the living room with Callie and Tango trailing close behind.

Two men emerged from the kitchen and another chorus of greetings flowed their way. Daniel stepped over and gave Arizona a big hug, doing the same with Callie. “I’m glad you both came. Arizona won’t stop talking about the famous Dr. Torres,” he told her, shaking her hand. “I’d love to hear about your cartilage regeneration projects if you have the time.”

Callie shot Arizona a wide-eyed look and received a silly grin in return. She smiled bashfully at Daniel. “She’s probably over-exaggerating, but thank you. I’m happy we can finally sit down and not just wave at each other from a distance.”

The next person to step over was an unfamiliar face, but the double prosthetics she glimpsed had to make him Adam. She hadn’t heard much about other group members from her girlfriend since she started going, but his name had popped up a few times over the last several weeks. He was strikingly good looking, with the chiseled cheek bones and stylish mess of dark hair that she tended to like in guys. She knew nothing about what happened to him or how long he had been a war amputee, but he was perpetually cheerful and the type of person to let most things roll off his shoulders, or so she had been told. The fact that Arizona admitted to being intimidated by him in the past surprised Callie as his friendly demeanor immediately put her at ease.

Adam gave her hand a firm shake and introduced himself, fixing Callie with a toothy smile. “Wow. Robbins is pretty tight-lipped most days, but she wasn’t kidding when she said you were gorgeous,” he said, smoothing a hand along his five o’clock shadow.

Arizona, who had flopped down on the nearby couch and was now wrestling with the dog in her arms, looked up and narrowed her eyes. “Hey. You already have three girlfriends, keep your paws off of mine.”

There was nothing predatory about the way Adam flirted in the company of her girlfriend, as though it was just a part of his easy-going, friendly nature, so Callie found herself blushing again. “I’m gonna choose to say thank you and leave it at that,” she laughed.

Adam grinned widely, his dimples almost matching Arizona’s.

“Ben couldn’t make it?” Arizona asked.

Daniel shook his head. “Not tonight. Neil, a good friend from my Ranger days, also had to cancel. Looks like it’s just the five of us, but we’ll persevere.”

“I need to borrow you for a minute in the kitchen, dear,” Cassandra said to her husband. “Then you’re free to play with your friends.”

Dan bowed his head and followed his wife with a twinkle in his eye. “Yes ma’am.”

While those two disappeared and Adam went to grab something from his car, Callie sat beside Arizona on the couch and took part in lavishing the two dogs with attention for a few minutes. Tango eventually settled at her feet, while Tank already seemed firmly attached to Arizona. The smile on the blonde’s face was infectious and full of a different kind of joy than Callie usually saw.

“Thank you for coming,” Arizona said, meeting her soft brown eyes as she scratched behind Tank’s ears. He wiggled happily in her lap and then stepped over onto Callie’s.

She picked him up before too much fur could collect on her dress and laughed as his back feet danced around mid-air. “Good food, good company, and furry balls of love? Count me in every time.” She gave him a quick kiss on the head and Tank’s tongue lashed out, aiming for her face.

“Callie, can I interest you in a drink?” the Sergeant asked as he re-entered the room. “The beer is non-alcoholic and usually tastes like dirt, but it does the trick. We also have several iced drink varieties in the fridge, or so I’m told.” He gestured through the kitchen at the back door visible beyond the archway. “I’d love it if you’d join me on the deck while the sun is shining. My lovely wife just put the finishing touches on a new patio set and insists it get some use.”

“Sure,” Callie agreed, casting a look at her girlfriend. “Arizona?”

“I’m good,” Arizona said distractedly, her gaze focused intently on Tank, who had crawled back into her lap. A small smile played across her lips and she seemed more relaxed than she’d been all week in the presence of the tiny animal. She wasn’t really the baby-talk kind of girl these days, but she couldn’t help but murmur quiet terms of endearment to the little furball.

“I’ll keep her company,” Adam said as he reappeared from outside. He took up the recliner across the room and turned the television on to a European soccer match. 

Callie nodded and left Adam and Arizona in the living room, following Dan into the kitchen to grab a glass of freshly brewed iced tea. Cassandra stayed to finish up dinner and, after insisting that Callie relax instead of help out, ushered their guest and her husband outside.

***

One of the things Arizona had come to like about Adam was that although he was chatty, the conversation never seemed forced. They talked idly about his past experiences at a World Cup of soccer for a few minutes while she settled back on the couch with Tank nestled against her side.

“Man, I miss being able to run like that,” Adam said after a period of comfortable silence passed. A replay flashed across the screen of a striker deking around the defence and breaking out for a goal.

Arizona was surprised to see him looking so wistful. He prided himself on living in the moment and not dwelling on the past or what happened to him. It was one of the things she had come to admire about him the most. 

She glanced at the television and felt a pang of empathy. “Yeah. I know what you mean.”

They shared a brief, knowing smile before he shrugged it off, absently trailing his hand across the upper portion of his left prosthetic. “It is what it is. I’m grateful I can still do what I can, but sometimes it just sucks to be reminded, you know?”

Arizona hummed in reply, thinking of the numerous times she had overheard Cristina and Meredith – and even Callie – at home, talking about what an incredible and lengthy surgery they had accomplished that day. It hurt less now that she was going back to work, but a part of her knew there would always be a limit on how much she could handle. It was hard to accept that she would never be what she once was. Something she had learned from people like Dan and Adam was that it was never too late to reinvent yourself. She tried to keep that in mind as often as possible these days.

“Did I ever tell you I played footy in college?” Adam asked out of the blue, drawing her attention back to him. He didn’t look agitated, per se, more nostalgic and even a little bit sad. When Arizona shook her head, he elaborated without taking his eyes away from the game. “I was pretty good, too. Actually had a chance at some scholarships, maybe even to go pro if I worked hard enough.”

It was definitely a new and surprising bit of information. It made Arizona realize that, despite Adam’s openness about his disability, she knew very little about him. He talked about his emotional struggles and his physical reality to other vets during meetings, but he hardly ever spoke about himself on a more personal level. Maybe they were even more alike than she’d realized.

“What made you enlist?” she asked, sitting up as Tank wiggled himself comfortably between her thighs. It surprised her how willing the little bundle of energy was to sit in one place for so long.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Adam sighed, his forehead creased in thought. “Patriotism? Family history? All of that junk. That’s just what Barclay men did, we served our country and we did it with pride. I never really questioned it.”

Arizona absently worked her fingers along Tank’s haunches as she thought back to her own experiences. “It was the same with my family, only I’d never planned on serving. There wasn’t really any pressure from my dad about it; he seemed happy when I went into med school instead. Told me I was doing good, that I’d make a difference in my own way.”

“What changed?”

Arizona licked her lips. “My brother,” she began, pausing to gather her thoughts on the matter. “He died in Iraq in ‘06 and it changed things. It changed me. I don’t know if I felt guilty or obligated or…” She trailed off and shrugged. It was something she had never really been able to figure out. “So I signed up. Tried to make a difference over there even though it was already too late for him.”

Adam was watching her intently, obviously intrigued. She had never mentioned Timothy to anyone but Daniel before. Sharing wasn’t really her thing in a group setting, so for the most part she just listened to the others speak and took strength from them. It was easier to talk to Dan one-on-one about her struggles.

“I had already finished my residency, so the rest just kind of fell into place. There was such a shortage of surgeons over there that for a while it was satisfying. It felt like the right thing to be doing.” Arizona dropped her eyes to the canine in her lap and for a moment the little guy blinked back up at her. “It didn’t make me miss him any less. I think maybe I thought it would. I was on autopilot for three years just trying to forget everything that happened.”

Adam dipped his head respectfully. “Sounds like you two were close. I’m sorry you lost him.”

“I’m sorry you lost your legs,” Arizona said quietly. Even though she hadn’t known him before or worked with his unit, it always gutted her to take away a person’s legs. There was rarely anything a surgeon could do when it came to IED blasts, but sometimes just keeping them alive didn’t feel like enough.

“Do you regret it?” Adam asked eventually. “Knowing what happens to you, would you change things if you could go back?”

That was a question Arizona still asked herself to this day and not once had the answer ever changed. “Honestly? I have no idea,” she laughed, speaking the truth.

Some people wouldn’t get it, why she couldn’t just jump on the chance to say yes, she wished she had never gone over there after everything that went wrong. It just wasn’t that simple; there were two sides to every coin. Even though those three years had been difficult, she had saved more people than she could count. She had trained other medical staff that would go on to save others in return. The biggest factor was Callie, whom she never would have met had she not been so severely injured. On the flip side, her life wouldn’t be in shambles and she would never have turned into the complete stranger she saw every time she looked in the mirror.

Something told Arizona that she didn’t need to explain herself to Adam of all people. She tilted her head and studied him in return. “Would you?”

Adam looked down at his legs, fingering the edge of the above-knee socket, and remained silent for quite a long time. There was probably no more confusing question to ask someone in their position.

“I don’t know either,” he said eventually. The veterans shared a knowing smile and he shook his head in bemusement. “Ain’t that the bitch of it?”

Arizona chuckled and lifted Tank up to nuzzle against his ear. “Amen.” Tank barked his agreement.

***

The sun was slowly starting to fade to the west, but its heat blanketed the land and Callie’s skin eagerly soaked up what vitamin D it could. She had spent so much time at work lately that she had barely seen the sun in over a month. The born-and-raised Miami girl still living inside her craved the summer months and those long bouts of sun tanning and floating around in a pool. The days before medical school when she lived at home seemed light-years in the past compared to where she was now.

Settling in a comfy wicker chair with a fresh glass of iced tea in hand, Callie crossed her legs and released a sigh of contentment. Daniel seated himself to her right and Tango dutifully flopped down at his feet. 

“I honestly don’t remember the last time I either dressed up or sat down without falling asleep,” Callie mused. “Or had someone else cook for me.”

“I have to admit that it’s a pretty nice change,” Dan chuckled, leaning back. “Once upon a time, I barely saw my family for more than a few minutes every three days or so. Since I retired from active duty and met Cassie, I hardly know what to do with all of this spare time.”

“I get the impression Arizona’s starting to feel the same way,” Callie said. “She didn’t mind taking it easy at home in the beginning but these days there are pace marks burned into my floor.”

“She’s been pretty excited about this brace you’ve been building,” he added. “How did her appointment go today, if you don’t mind me asking?”

It was hard not to feel excited after the day’s events. “She nailed it,” Callie grinned. “Her physical therapist likes what he sees and we’re both confident it’ll get her back in the OR. Arizona says she’s feeling pretty ecstatic about the whole thing.”

“Ah, that’s great,” the older gentleman said, visibly relieved. “I’ve been told you surgeons aren’t happy unless you’re cutting someone open.”

“Well, she’s still got a ways before that can happen,” Callie replied. “We agreed when I started this thing that we’d see where she’s at in a month. It takes a hell of a lot of energy to be on your feet for that many hours a day. Rushing it won’t do her any good.”

“Something tells me she’s not the patient type.”

Callie could only laugh. “I figured that out in the first hour I met her. You wouldn’t believe the stories. She actually ran away on me twice.” She fished out the straw floating around between ice cubes and sucked down a healthy portion of iced tea. What she wouldn’t give for a large outdoor patio at home for the two hours of sunlight Seattle got every summer.

“She really hasn’t stopped talking about how much you’ve done for her since we met,” Daniel told her as Tango got up and shuffled between humans. “Sounds like this brace is only the most recent miracle you’ve pulled off.” He lifted a brow, curiosity piqued. “It’s quite remarkable, what you two have been through together.”

“Tell me about it,” Callie smirked. She just about inhaled the last half of her drink, earning a major case of brain freeze for her trouble, though the flavour burst was worth it. The cooling sensation trickled down the back of her throat and sent a blast of much-needed sugar to her bloodstream. If it weren’t for the company of Arizona’s mentor, she probably would have fallen asleep out of sheer bliss.

Daniel stretched his stiff leg out in front of him and picked up a pair of sunglasses from the bistro table nearby, sliding them up his nose. They coexisted in silence for a while, absently watching a squirrel hop across the yard and dig up a buried acorn from a nearby rose bush. Callie was starting to see the no-pressure, infinitely patient demeanor that Arizona had told her about. He was a good person to have in her girlfriend’s life.

“I’m glad she talks to you,” she blurted, darting a quick look his way. “I mean, she talks to me, but not about that stuff. Not in detail. Which I get, I just worry sometimes that she’s too hard on herself.” Ice swirled around her empty glass as she fiddled with the straw again. “I’m happy she’s opening up and talking to someone. Thank you for doing that for her.”

Daniel tilted his head thoughtfully, continuing to watch the squirrel. “She does, for the most part. She’s pretty quiet when she comes to meetings, especially around the rest of the boys, but she’s doing well. I don’t get the sense she’s too keen on struggling in the public eye.”

“She’s proud,” Callie said. “To a fault, even. I think she gets it from her dad, though he’s not really in her life much anymore.”

“I hope you know how much your support has helped guide her through recovery,” Daniel added. “Having someone to lean on is paramount. You got her to seek help and that’s huge. Cassie was my pillar of strength in the beginning – that woman had no reason to stick around through the crap she put up with, but she did and I love her even more for it.”

“It hurts to see Arizona struggle. I wouldn’t walk away for the world,” Callie replied.

“Just make sure you take care of yourself too,” he remarked. “Sometimes that can be the most difficult part. I think she worries about you.”

Callie chuckled to herself and raised a brow. “Surgeons never really get any sleep as it is.”

“Still, if you ever feel like you need some guidance of your own, my wife has said she’s more than willing to talk with you.” He glanced over his shoulder at the door leading inside. “She’ll probably tell you herself before you leave today, but in case she doesn’t get the chance, she’s been through it all. Trust me when I say I didn’t make it easy on her at times. Our phone line is always open – for both of you.”

Callie could hardly fathom what Daniel and Cassie had been through. Arizona told her what little she knew, which basically amounted to ‘it was really awful’. Part of her didn’t even want to know the details, especially since those two were such a loving and inspirational pair now. Whatever it was, they had conquered it together. “Tell her thanks. I might take her up on that sometime.”

Daniel stood to refill their drinks from a pitcher sitting on the table. “Don’t mind an old man’s nosy tendencies,” he added. “Arizona lights up whenever you pop into the conversation and it’s always nice to put a face to the legend.” 

Callie tried and failed to stifle the goofy grin that started to form. She knew Arizona loved her but hearing someone else say it like that made her giddy. “Yeah?”

Daniel smiled and returned to his seat. “Though I have to say, of all the ways to meet someone, you two are the first doctor-patient case I’ve had come through my doors.”

Callie groaned and briefly closed her eyes. “It’s a really big no-no in my line of work. Trust me when I say I don’t go around romancing all of my patients.” She fiddled with the glass still nestled in her hands and swiped a thumb through droplets of condensation. “With Arizona, it was just…different. We connected. She came into my life when I was going through something and we helped each other.” A soft sigh escaped her lips and she looked sheepish. “I try not to question a good thing. She makes my life better and I don’t want to imagine it without her.”

Daniel’s smile stretched wider and Callie suddenly blushed, realizing she had just spilled a boatload of mush on a virtual stranger. “Sorry,” she laughed weakly, rubbing her brow. “It’s been a long week and I get sappy when I’m tired.”

“Ah, hell, I’m glad to hear it,” he said, waving off the apology. “If two people love each other and you can lean on that person in the worst of times, I’m never going to question how it happened.” He raised his drink to her. “My best wishes to you both.”

Callie was smiling again when the back door slid open and Adam came lumbering out. The surgeon in her recognized signs of discomfort that came with wearing prosthetics for long periods of time, but to look at him otherwise you couldn’t tell. The same charming grin that had greeted her upon arrival ignited and he took up a short ottoman between the two of them, swiveling to face her directly.

“Everything okay?” Callie asked, instinctively worrying about Arizona’s absence.

“She’s glued to the dog,” Adam mused, jerking a thumb over his shoulder. “I’ve never seen that thing sit in one place for so long. Pretty sure the little bugger’s going to stow away in your trunk. You’ve got some real competition, Sarge. You too, Torres.”

That made Daniel laugh. “If I ever need a dog sitter, I’ll know who to call.” He winked at Callie as he dropped a hand to ruffle Tango’s ears. “They’re pains in the ass sometimes but they’re good for the soul. They can pick up on a person’s energy and make even the worst days seem a little bit better.”

“Amen to that,” Adam grinned. “Wouldn’t be where I am without Sasha, my service dog.”

“Huh,” Callie hummed, surprised that she hadn’t thought about that before. “They used to do animal therapy visits when I was in university. I remember them bringing a troupe of critters through the dorm around exam period.”

“The same idea applies. There are places that train canines for emotional support, service dogs for PTSD as well as physical ailments,” Dan added. “Tank’s not trained for it – that takes years and thousands of dollars – but he’s an old soul in a shoe-sized body. I’ve always thought he can tell when someone needs help. Might be why they’ve taken to each other.”

That was an avenue Callie had yet to think of. She mulled the idea over and stored it in the back of her brain for another time. Getting a dog wasn’t as simple as picking up a Chia Pet from Wal Mart – and even that she had accidentally killed when she was a teenager.

“So, doc,” Adam began, reaching towards the plate of fresh cut veggies sitting on the table. “My girl Arizona tells me you’re something of an expert when it comes to bionic limb research.”

Callie’s eyes widened. “She did?”

Adam nodded, crunching on a celery stick. “Well, she used the words ‘awesome’ and ‘genius’ in the same sentence at one point, and she said you’ve looked into the field before. I figured most studies focused on arm amputations for the obvious reasons, but I’ve been hearing things about legs and nerve grafting or something. Got me curious.”

“It’s not my specialty but I’ve been keeping up with the latest studies,” she said. “What did you want to know?”

Adam shoved the remaining chunk of celery into his mouth and grunted. “Here, take a look at this.”

If Callie was surprised at his willingness to discuss his disability with someone he hardly knew, it was nothing compared to when he suddenly popped off his left leg entirely and handed it over. “What–”

“Bet you’ve never seen one of these before,” the soldier grinned, wiggling his brow as she tried to cover up the initial shock.

Callie blinked and dropped her eyes to the above-knee prosthetic. She turned it over in her hands and studied the mechanics. The layout was definitely familiar. “I think I read some studies on this model when it was a prototype a few years back. One of my first attendings was working on traumatic amputation bionics and got me interested in the subject.” She glanced up. “Who’s your prosthetist?”

“David Nolan,” Adam said. “His office is just outside the city but he’s awesome. He got me into one of the first marketable pairs with high-end hydraulics about six months back. I’m somewhat of a guinea pig nowadays, testing it out and helping with some sort of market research for the manufacturer. See how smooth it flexes?” He pointed to the back of the joint, which Callie immediately leaned in to study closer.

She got lost in the conversation with Adam while Daniel sat back and listened. Adam definitely had himself a fine set of top-notch prosthetics, but Callie could understand the desire for something with a little more versatility in physical activities. Brain mapping had huge implications for anyone with prosthetics in the coming decades.

Half an hour passed before the patio door slid open and Cassandra emerged, wiping her hands on a tea towel.

“Five minutes ‘til dinner, lady and boys,” she announced. “Callie, honey, Arizona wanted me to tell you that your beeper went off. Do you have to leave already?”

Callie stood up and frowned. “I’m not on call but I’d better check anyway. Excuse me.” She hurried by them and stepped back inside the air conditioned home.

Arizona was right where Callie had left her, only now she was sprawled horizontally on the couch with her leg elevated on a pillow and Tank the Chihuahua curled up on her hip. A giant, half-empty glass of iced tea sat on the side table directly behind her head.

While Callie fished her cellphone from her jacket pocket, she smirked at her girlfriend. “Made yourself at home, I see.”

Arizona grinned sheepishly. “Cassie’s work. She could tell I was a bit tired and suddenly it was like a spa service I wasn’t allowed to turn down. She’s a real sweetheart.” Tank raised his head and blinked docilely in Callie’s direction while Arizona scratched behind his ears.

“You really love that little guy, don’t you?” Callie asked as she sat next to them on the couch. The dog melted as two sets of hands lavished him with attention, leading Callie to believe that his name was somewhat of an oxymoron.

“I love dogs,” Arizona admitted. “We always had one around when I was a kid, I just haven’t had time to care for any since I went into med school. And then residency, then overseas, etcetera. I miss it sometimes.”

“I know what you mean,” Callie sighed, shifting her attention from the dog to lightly stroke Arizona’s forearm with her fingertips. “Maybe someday when we get out of that tiny apartment we can get one.”

Arizona raised her eyes and started to smile. “I’d like that,” she said quietly, meaning the inference of such a future together more than anything.

Thankfully the message for Callie was just an update on one of her patients and required no further action other than a thirty-second phone call. Just as she hung up, the others trickled in from outside and they were summoned to the table for dinner.

When Daniel spoke of his wife’s talents in the kitchen, he hadn’t been over-exaggerating. For five people there was a roasted chicken with pan gravy, several vegetable sides that came fresh from their backyard garden, and a lemongrass risotto that smelled heavenly. The others were just as hungry as Arizona, which made her feel less sheepish for wolfing down the first course in no time flat. She and Callie had been relying on take-out for almost a week now and nothing compared to a delicious home-cooked meal.

Since alcohol was absent in the house, they had brought a sparkling fruit cider from the local market with them in place of wine. It disappeared in no time. The conversation flowed as easily as the drinks, varying from old military stories from the boys to surgical shockers from Callie. Arizona listened more than she spoke but she was just as absorbed in the chatter as everyone else.

Just when Callie thought she might burst from the double servings of every dish, Cassandra cleared their plates and set a gourmet chocolate cake down, drawing a chorus of excitement from everyone present.

“Oh my god,” Arizona half laughed, placing a hand on her belly. “Callie, you’re going to have to roll me to the car later.”

“You’re assuming I’ll be in better shape than you,” Callie teased, taking her hand underneath the table. “We might need a cab.”

“We’ve gotta fatten you up before you go back to work next week,” Adam spoke up, drawing their attention across the table. “You’ll need reserves if you’re gonna make it through those hellish long shifts I’ve been hearing about.” He speared a decent sized chunk of cake with his fork and pointed it in Arizona’s direction. “Keep eating, Robbins.”

“Next week?” Callie furrowed her brow and turned to Arizona. “What’s he talking about?”

Arizona grimaced and forced out a smile for the sake of the table. It wasn’t Adam’s fault, this just wasn’t how she had pictured the news coming out. It was awkward. “I, um…I was going to surprise you when we got home, actually,” she began.

Adam looked guilty for spilling the beans and ducked his attention back to his food.

“Surprise me with what?” Callie asked again.

“I talked to Chief Webber today, after my appointment,” Arizona said slowly, poking at the cake Cassandra had set in front of her. “We’ve reached a verbal agreement and he’ll have the final contract for me to sign in two days. I’ll have my own office space and a place on the surgical roster as of a week from now.”

Speechless, and also very aware that they were in the presence of company, Callie didn’t quite know how to react. She caught Daniel’s eye briefly across the table and saw him wearing the same puzzled expression she was feeling. They had just talked about Arizona’s initial pledge to wait and be patient only a short time ago.

“I thought we agreed that you weren’t going to rush things,” Callie said carefully, avoiding prolonged eye contact and taking a sip of water for something else to do.

Despite Arizona’s initial guilt for keeping it a secret, she couldn’t understand why Callie was being so defensive. “I’m not,” she countered, doing a quick sweep of the table. “Really, today went great and I’m ready to get back to work. There’s already going to be a couple of weeks in the skills lab and brushing up on my reading, and I’ve got to outline a whole new way to run the ER if we want our trauma status back. It’s not as crazy as it sounds.”

There were a few friendly murmurs of congratulations and Cassandra initiated a toast, to which everyone clinked glasses. Arizona appreciated the gesture but the only person whose opinion she was concerned with in the long run was Callie’s.

“Really, this is a good thing,” she repeated, desperate for some sort of glimmer of happiness from the other woman. “This is what we’ve been waiting for.”

Callie couldn’t quite bring herself to answer. She didn’t know how she felt. The table was extremely quiet all of a sudden and the last thing she wanted was to bring down the mood, so she forced out a smile for everyone else’s sake. “Okay. That’s great.” She left it at that and took a bite of chocolate cake. Even the thieving squirrel in the backyard wasn’t convinced by her performance.

It wasn’t exactly the elated response Arizona had been hoping for. She frowned at Callie, who was refusing to look at her directly, while Adam picked up the conversation again and turned it to other things. She finally relented and tried to involve herself in the newest topic without really succeeding. Callie slipped her hand away under the table and Arizona didn’t feel it again for the rest of the meal.

The atmosphere was more subdued following the off-kilter exchange, though nonetheless it was a pleasant evening overall. Callie and Arizona took their leave shortly after dessert, citing an early morning as their excuse, and profusely thanked their hosts for a wonderful meal. Arizona kept shooting her partner quick looks while they put their shoes on at the door and got nothing in return.

She fidgeted the whole fifteen minute car ride home, trying numerous times to engage Callie in small talk while never getting more than a few words bounced back her way. By the time they entered their apartment, the cold shoulder act was really starting to piss her off.

“If you’re mad that I told Adam before you, it just slipped out while we were talking,” Arizona said when they were finally inside. Her eyes followed Callie as she dumped her purse on the kitchen counter. “I wanted to surprise you when we were alone together.”

“I know that,” Callie said neutrally, wishing she was better at adding inflection when it was really needed. “I’m not mad that you told him first.”

When she once again failed to elaborate, Arizona gritted her teeth and limped into the living room while Callie tidied up the extra blankets lying around. “Enough with the passive-aggressive bullshit. If you have something to say to me, then say it.”

Callie closed her eyes and stood up straight, tension now pinching her shoulders. “Arizona, I’m tired, okay? Can we just not do this right now?”

“No!” Arizona moved around to face her from the front, fixing her with an incredulous stare. “You’re the one that wanted me to stop running away from our problems. Well, here’s a problem and here’s me standing my ground. What has got you so mad?”

Arizona’s defensiveness only raised Callie’s hackles. “Fine! I think you’re rushing it,” she stated, throwing both hands up before dropping them roughly to her sides. “I think you made a stupid, premature mistake today by going to the Chief.”

“Huh. Yeah, I totally see what you mean,” Arizona said slowly, crossing her arms and raising her eyes to the ceiling in mock thoughtfulness. “I must be a real moron for accepting a lucrative contract offer at one of the best teaching hospitals in the country. I don’t know what I was thinking. Must be all that brain damage or something.”

“I didn’t say that,” Callie snapped, biting her tongue to try and rein in the sharp edge in her voice. “But yeah, I think it was a mistake. It is day _one_ and you’re already planning on going back to work in a week? What the hell made you think that was a good idea?”

“I’m not exactly jumping back in the OR for twelve hours on my first day,” Arizona said bitingly. “God, give me some credit here. I need practice and I need resources to catch up on the last year I’ve missed out on. I’m heading up a huge department, Callie, it’s more complicated than just cutting.”

“You’re risking everything that you’ve worked for by jumping in face-first. You can’t honestly expect me to get behind that.”

“Yes, actually, as crazy as it seems, I thought you would be _happy_ for me,” Arizona retorted, throwing out her hands in confusion. “Is that so insane? A few weeks ago you were over the moon at the idea of working together. Now all of a sudden I’m an idiot for signing on the dotted line?”

Callie scoffed and turned away again, pacing across the living room. “You didn’t even _ask_ me before you talked to him, Arizona. That right there tells me you knew it was too fast.”

Arizona cocked an eyebrow. “I thought you’d react like my girlfriend, not like my surgeon.” Her teeth ground together as the food in her stomach suddenly turned sour. “You’re supposed to be giving me the _benefit_ of the doubt here, not just the doubt.”

“Don’t you dare play that card with me,” Callie growled, pointing an accusing finger in her direction. “I have worked my _ass_ off to help you and you _know_ how much I want you to be happy. But this, this isn’t the way to do it. Not one day after you’ve been given the go-ahead to use the brace without crutches. You won’t last two hours in the OR yet. You could be putting a patient’s life at risk.”

The accusation stung like a slap in the face. “Wow. I never knew you thought so little of me,” Arizona said, suddenly cold as ice.

Callie regretted the words almost immediately but it didn’t change how she felt. “The Chief and the Board don’t care about your wellbeing, they care about money and status,” she said adamantly, taking a step closer. “And I know you. It won’t just be a few weeks in the skills lab and research in your office. You’ll find an opportunity and you’ll force yourself back in the OR sooner, regardless of the physical demands on your body.”

“Callie-”

“What is so hard about waiting a few more weeks?”

“Because it’s _always_ going to be a few more weeks!” Arizona shouted, stepping away and breaking the distance they had closed. “I’m done waiting! I’m done being useless and never having anything going for me. I’m done being a freaking house pet and getting a pat on the back every time I walk to the bathroom and back on my own. I went to Webber because for the first time in almost a year, I’m excited about my life again. I have possibilities, a future. All I wanted was a little support from my girlfriend and maybe a vote of confidence.”

“You have my vote of confidence,” Callie argued.

“Well you have a funny way of showing it.” Arizona pursed her lips. “You were the one who told me to go for the September pediatrics fellowship, remember? Well, it’s September. How was that any different?”

“That was months ago and we didn’t know how far along you’d be. Things are different now.”

“Because you’re still fixated on steering me away from the trauma position?”

Callie was just about ready to pull her hair out. They were talking in circles and she knew that getting Arizona to see reason was like headbutting a brick wall over and over again. “Of course I want this for you. You know I’m on your side, I have been from day one.”

“Suddenly not so sure,” Arizona muttered bitterly.

“You should have come to me first and talked about it,” Callie said loudly. “You agreed not to jump the gun while I was building the brace and then you went and did it anyway! And let’s not forget that your physical disability is the least of your worries right now.”

Part of her felt like an asshole for pulling that into the conversation but it was true. Arizona had good nights and bad, and they could never tell when the awful ones were coming. In Callie’s mind, when Arizona went back to work, she was supposed to be completely prepared. Who knew what could happen otherwise.

Arizona looked betrayed and it gutted Callie. Nonetheless, she stood her ground. “I love Dan and his wife, and I think you’re doing a good thing by working with him, but he is not a surgeon. He doesn’t know what it’s like. If you’re walking back into a trauma room, maybe you should think about what it’s going to do to you when you see something that reminds you of what happened.”

“You are not a shrink, Callie,” Arizona said icily, fighting back the hard lump in her throat.

“No, I’m not, but I am one-hundred percent healthy, I have function in both of my legs, and _I’m_ exhausted after an eighteen hour day,” Callie said bluntly. “You’ve been on your feet for small parts of the afternoon and your leg is practically shaking.”

“Yeah, because I’m pissed off!” Arizona said hotly, crossing her arms again.

Callie ignored her. “What about when you have a bad night? Or what if you have another flashback while you’re at the hospital?”

Hearing Callie voice all of Arizona’s deep-seeded fears triggered a rush of anger all over again. “My abilities as a surgeon aren’t for you to question!” she yelled. “How dare you assume that I’m incapable of doing my job. You don’t have the slightest clue what you’re–”

Callie cut her off and kept going. “If you do this, Arizona, you’re risking a setback that could derail all of the progress you’ve made. You’re risking your wellbeing by walking into a situation that you might not be ready for.”

Arizona was already shaking her head, caught somewhere between furious and extremely upset. Of all the people to come at her like this, she had least expected it from Callie.

“Dan is a good person but he’s not a psychiatrist,” Callie continued. “It is a bad idea to put yourself back in a trauma room without knowing the repercussions. You know I’m right.”

“No, I don’t,” Arizona said bitterly. “But it’s not your choice. It’s mine. You got me here and for that I will always be grateful, but I know that I’m ready. Waiting for something else to change is gonna drive me insane. This is as good as I’m going to get.”

Callie looked sad as she shook her head, starting to feel resigned. “I won’t sign off on it,” she stated, watching Arizona’s eyes widen in disbelief. “As your surgeon, I will not sign off on an order for you to return to work. It’s against my professional, medical advice, and I will tell the Chief that if I have to.”

Arizona finally laughed because she didn’t know what else to do. “Fine. If you won’t do it, then I will find a surgeon who will.”

The silence between them was thick and ugly. It took a long time before Callie could make use of her voice again. The fight left in her drained away. “Fine. If that’s what you want, then fine.” She brushed by Arizona, grabbing her purse and heading to the bedroom with her jaw clenched tightly. She felt completely numb after the brutal exchange.

Arizona stood rooted to the spot, biting down hard on her bottom lip until she heard Callie’s bedroom door slam shut behind her. Only then did she allow herself to sink onto the empty couch and bury her face in her hands, struggling against the urge to throw furniture and scream until her lungs bled.

\---


	18. Chapter 30

Sleep eluded Callie that night. No matter how many times she tried pushing the argument to the back of her mind, every hurtful thing they said to each other came flying back with a vengeance. She was still mad at Arizona for being irrationally stubborn and kept trying to tell herself that she hadn’t been unnecessarily harsh.

It wasn’t entirely true, though. Callie had said a few things in the heat of the moment that she regretted, or at least things she wished she had worded differently. The hardest part was that she could see how much moving forward meant to Arizona and she understood why she had made the decisions she did. Callie just couldn’t bring herself to agree with them.

Whether Arizona would follow through on her threat to find another physician remained to be seen. That had stung more than Callie liked to admit, but she hadn’t really given her another choice. By now she knew that when Arizona Robbins put her mind to something, she made it happen. They would just have to wait and see if there were any repercussions.

By 3a.m., Callie was resigned to her fate. She threw off the covers and pulled on a pair of sweatpants from her early resident days, then stuffed her feet into a pair of Uggs. Their fridge was too empty to scrounge up a late night snack and there was an all-night Vietnamese place down the road. She wasn’t really hungry, with her stomach still churning from the fight, but it would provide an excuse to go for a walk and maybe clear her head.

Given the time of year and the city she lived in, Callie selected a rain-proof running jacket from her closet before stepping into the hall, peering around for signs of life. All of the lights were off and Arizona’s bedroom door was closed. Save for the distant sound of a siren, the night was as quiet as ever.

Well, at least one of them was getting some sleep tonight.

Zipping up her jacket, Callie grabbed a pair of gloves from the front closet and slipped out of the apartment. Nothing helped a girl process her feelings more than a plate full of spring rolls and a warm bowl of soup.

***

The walk did her some good. It was only about four blocks there and back, and the fall breeze was a nice change from the stifling walls of the apartment.

There was a small line waiting to order despite the hour, so Callie passed the time by reading a menu. She had memorized it four years ago, so the re-read was unnecessary, but it helped keep her mind off Arizona and their issues for a few minutes. Angry or not, she decided to order a container of her girlfriend’s favourite dish for lunch the next day. They were in desperate need of a grocery run, unless ketchup sandwiches or dunking pickles in mayonnaise counted as sustenance.

She skimmed through the appetizers, the soups, and finally the entrées, all in an effort to distract herself, until she came to a tiny Tic-Tac-Toe board drawn below number forty-seven. Callie’s heart sank – a few months ago, she had taken Arizona here for lunch and they had doodled on the menu while waiting for their order, chatting the whole time about a piggy-back transplant Teddy was planning through UNOS. It seemed like there would be no escaping the reminders of their fight. Callie set the paper aside and closed her eyes instead.

A huge part of her wanted to be happy for Arizona. She _was_ happy for her, she just happened to be the more rational of the two this time around. Even if Arizona was fooling herself, Callie knew she would be back in the OR within a week, maybe less. The temptation would be way too strong. Arizona wanted her life back and she wanted it now, waiting be damned.

The emotional repercussions were what frightened her the most. The look of death on Arizona’s face during her flashback at the wharf would be forever burned into the forefront of Callie’s brain. Maybe she was over-thinking things, but the only way to find out for sure would be to throw Arizona into the fire and see what happened. Something about that just didn’t sit well with her. Still, she had been pretty harsh. Maybe a little too harsh.

The hostess waved the next person forward and Callie stepped in to order, throwing an extra dish of salad rolls in with the hopes they would appease some part of her guilty conscience. Maybe then she would finally be able to get some sleep.

***

There was light in the living room when Callie got back and, for a moment, she thought Cristina had come home. Instead, sitting on the couch, wrapped in a micro-fleece blanket and nursing a rum and coke, Arizona sat watching her with a guarded expression.

Callie paused midway through kicking off her boots. “Hey. I didn’t expect you to be up this late.”

Arizona smiled shyly, shrinking deeper into the blanket draped around her body. “I didn’t realize you’d left,” she said quietly.

Callie looked down at the plastic bag in her hand and lifted it higher. “Couldn’t sleep, so I went to Pho Palace.” She felt sheepish all of a sudden and shrugged half-heartedly. “Got you that soup you liked last time. And some salad rolls.”

Arizona wasn’t hungry until Callie mentioned the soup. Whatever food she had consumed earlier that night had been burned up during the argument and the hours of stressing that had come afterwards. “Thanks,” she said, “you really didn’t have to do that.” She started to get up only for Callie to wave her off.

“No, you stay, I’ll grab some plates.” Callie went into the kitchen and set the food on the counter while she washed up, keeping her eyes trained on the soap dish in front of her, too nervous to look across the living room. The walk had cleared her mind a little but not enough for her to feel ready for this conversation. She didn’t know what to say that wouldn’t end with them yelling at each other again.

Regardless, she grabbed the necessary plates and bowls, then brought the larger-than-average order over to the coffee table and set everything down. She hesitated on where to sit, eventually settling on a full cushion length away. That seemed safe without being too obvious.

The silence was awkward. Neither one of them wanted to be the first to speak, so Callie trained her eyes forward and stared at the television instead. It took a moment for the familiarity of the program to register, at which point she glanced at Arizona out of surprise.

“Hitchcock? Really?” she asked. “I thought you never watched scary stuff before bed.”

Arizona shrugged and pulled the blanket tighter around her shoulders. “I wasn’t really planning on going back to sleep, so…I figured it wouldn’t matter.”

She looked so down and out that Callie instinctively wanted to reach out to her. She stopped herself from doing so and returned her gaze to the TV instead. “Me neither,” she said after a beat. “Hence the unnecessary calorie run in the middle of the night.”

Arizona showed the first hint of a smile. “Food is good. Food we can always agree on.” She finally unfurled herself from the cocoon and reached forward to set her drink on the table. As she moved, Callie’s brow lifted in question when she spotted one of her old teddy bears on Arizona’s lap, nestled comfortably against her side.

Arizona followed her gaze and blushed profusely. “You, uh, left him in my bed the other morning when you had to work,” she explained. They had laughed about the goofy gesture at the time. “He kinda came to hang out with me.”

It was so endearing that Callie couldn’t help but break out into a grin, despite her girlfriend’s embarrassment. “He’s yours,” she mused. “He kept me company through a lot of drama as a teenager. He’ll be happy to be of assistance again.”

Arizona shook her head at herself, feeling silly for getting caught. “Thanks. He is snuggly, just…not as snuggly as you.” She took in a shallow breath and finally held Callie’s eyes for longer than a second. “I couldn’t sleep without you.”

A big chunk of apprehension melted away at those softly spoken words. “Me neither,” Callie admitted, reaching out to brush an errant strand of hair away from Arizona’s face. As mad as she had been before, every time she looked at Arizona, her heart ached with love. It was sickeningly cheesy but she wouldn’t have it any other way.

Arizona leaned into the touch. It was impossible to know what to say after the day they’d had, so for the time being she simply enjoyed the fact that they weren’t at each other’s throats. Callie finally broke the stalemate and scooted to her left, while Arizona dropped her head onto Callie’s shoulder as soon as she was within reach.

Callie’s arm slid protectively around her and Arizona closed her eyes, taking solace in the gentle kiss pressed to her hair. She pulled her feet up on the couch and curled up against her partner’s side. For a while, they just sat together.

“I’m sorry,” Arizona eventually whispered.

Callie sighed. “I’m sorry, too.”

Arizona turned her nose into Callie’s collarbone. “Fighting sucks.”

Smiling, Callie nodded her agreement. “Yeah, it totally does.” She dropped her free hand to rest on top of the blonde’s. She could tell Arizona was wrestling with her words, so she waited, taking the opportunity to organize her own thoughts. Maybe this time they could have an actual discussion without all the yelling.

It took a while before Arizona lifted her head again. “You were right, I should have told you before I spoke with the Chief. I owed you that much after everything you’ve done for me.” She turned Callie’s hand over in their laps and gently twisted one of her rings around the digit. “I guess I just wanted everything to be complication-free.”

“And I represented complications,” Callie added, smiling ruefully.

Arizona shook her head. “I knew you’d be concerned. It is fast, I’ll admit that. I’ve spent a lot of time convincing myself I could make it work if I manage my schedule properly.”

Callie did indeed have a lot of concerns and they weren’t going to go away just because they had made amends for the worst of it. Still, she wished that she hadn’t been so blunt and in Arizona’s face about it before.

“I love you,” she said earnestly, “and I never wanted you to doubt how much I believe in you.”

“I know,” Arizona replied, “I know you do. I’m sorry I said otherwise.”

Callie released a ragged sigh and intertwined their fingers. “And I’m sorry that I threatened to tattle on you. That really wasn’t fair of me.”

Arizona half shrugged, knowing they could go on all night about the things they regretted. “Do you think we can just…”

“Start this conversation over from the beginning?”

Arizona nodded, visibly relieved. “Yes please.”

Callie smiled softly and gave her hand a firm squeeze, then shifted on the couch to face her directly. “I’m worried that you’re going to push yourself too hard and too fast,” she began. “You’re an extremely passionate, determined person and I can see you going overboard before your stamina is back.”

Arizona dropped her eyes. “I get that, but the last thing _I_ want is a physical set back. I really do need time in the skills lab for my own piece of mind, and there’s a lot of reading and catching up I have to do. Some of it I can manage from home, but I would really like to be in an actual work environment again. I think it’ll be good for me.”

Even Callie could see how stir-crazy Arizona had become. She didn’t blame her; if she had been housebound for this long, she would have gone AWOL a long time ago.

“Okay,” she relented. “If you say that you’re committed to taking it slow, then I believe you. I’ll still worry, but I do believe you.”

The tiny smile Arizona gave her carried such hope that Callie realized she hadn’t given her enough credit. She didn’t have the heart to crush the blonde’s dreams, not after how much work she had put into getting them back.

“I will be careful, I promise you that.” Arizona lifted their clasped hands to her lips, pressing a gentle kiss to Callie’s knuckles. “You can even keep tabs on me if you’d like.”

“You mean I can stalk you at work?”

“Maybe.” Arizona’s mouth twitched.

Eventually Callie’s teasing faltered. “Even if you manage the physical stuff okay, there’s still all the rest you’d have to contend with.” Arizona’s smile dropped and Callie immediately reached up to touch her face again. “But I am so sorry that I threw it in your face earlier. That was so out of line. I was just scared.”

“It’s okay,” Arizona murmured. She squeezed Callie’s arm. “You weren’t wrong. I’ve thought a lot about it and I’ve never had any problems imagining being in the OR again, or in the emergency room. None of my dreams seem to revolve around what my job entailed and I’ve seen a lot of crazy injuries in my time. I don’t think it would be triggering.”

Callie released a deep breath and folded her legs underneath her, sitting upright. “There’s just this part of me that can’t let go of the notion you might get blindsided by something. I mean, I know there aren’t exactly blast injuries on even a semi-regular basis in Seattle, but something could happen. Maybe it would remind you of what you went through.”

“It might,” Arizona said delicately, “but that doesn’t mean it’ll shut me down like before. I honestly feel energized at the idea of helping people again. It’s like I’ve been so useless since December that putting myself back where I belong is the right thing to do.”

“You’re not worried that you’ll...” Callie trailed off, concerned with whether she was pushing too hard again. Arizona nodded encouragingly, so she continued. “The wharf, what happened to you there. It caught you off guard and you just looked so…that terrified me.” Callie felt a wave of anxiety at the memory of that day and she blinked hard a few times to keep herself steady. “I just can’t stand the idea of you going through that again. Especially at work.”

Arizona’s heart ached at the fear in her girlfriend’s voice. She leaned forward and pressed their lips firmly together. Sometimes she needed a reminder that Callie had seen some things that were pretty awful in the last few months, too.

“I don’t want that either,” she said assuredly, resting their foreheads together. “I’ll admit, there’s a small part of me that wonders what it’ll be like to go back after everything. But I think I’ve become pretty self-aware, especially since I met Dan. I know to listen to my gut when it’s telling me that I’m not okay and that sometimes I have to correct it when it reacts to something that only happened in the past.”

Hearing Arizona talk about the things she had been working on gave Callie some confidence. Part of the reason she was so worked up had a lot to do with not knowing where Arizona was at. “So if something makes you uncomfortable…?”

“Then I’ll take a step back,” Arizona agreed. “I really don’t think that the ER job will do that, at least not in the general sense. On a case by case basis, it might be different, but I feel confident. You know what it’s like when you’re in the moment, nothing else matters but the person you’re trying to help.” She started to smile again and the sparkle in her eyes returned. “I set foot in there today and it was like an adrenaline boost. I am really, really excited about this, Calliope – even the studying and the lab work and the really boring stuff that’s not inside an OR. I haven’t felt that way in forever, except for when I met you. And look how well that turned out.”

It was getting harder and harder to be totally against this crazy plan. Callie was starting to realize that it wasn’t fair to rub her own insecurities off on Arizona. She was an adult and seemed to have a fairly good handle on how things could go. Callie would just have to work through her own feelings as everything progressed.

“And the dreams?” she asked. She couldn’t let that one slide, even if Arizona wouldn’t be sleeping much at work.

Arizona thought carefully about how she wanted to do this. “The dreams come and go, and I have hopes that a regular schedule might help me sleep better at night. Having something else to focus on outside of my recovery could really help.” Callie didn’t look convinced, so Arizona pushed on. “At the same time, I know they’re a huge problem for both of us, so I’m willing to speak to the staff counsellor about it at some point.”

“At some point?” Callie echoed.

Arizona nodded slowly. “I want to get my feet under me first. There are a lot of things I have to do when I start and I think having my bearings will give me a better idea of where I’m at.”

Callie chewed on her bottom lip and reflexively wiggled her toes, a habit she had formed when she was anxious. “Before you step into the OR? You’ll talk to someone first?”

Arizona was really hesitant to promise a definitive date, but she knew Callie deserved an answer if she was to agree to any of this. Compromising was hard for them both. “Okay. I’ll speak to them before I officially start my OR rotation again.”

For the first time all evening, Callie heaved a genuine sigh of relief. It had been a months-long fight to get Arizona to agree to anything of the sort. “Thank you. I mean, this is for you, not for me, but…thank you.”

With those words, it felt like a deal had been struck. Silence stretched on between them while Arizona gave Callie the time to think. Finally, she lifted both hands to gently take the brunette’s face between them. She needed final clarification. “So, do you think you can support this decision?”

Not all of her reservations were gone, but Callie knew she had to put her faith in Arizona. “I support you,” she agreed, “one-hundred percent and then some.”

Arizona dipped her head forward and stole another kiss. Callie threaded a fist into her hair and they stayed locked together for a while, wiping away the aftertaste of their fight and choosing to celebrate something good instead.

Callie knew she would worry right up until Arizona’s first day – and likely beyond – but Arizona’s happiness made all the difference to her. She pulled away from the kiss and squeezed her shoulders. “I want you to know something.” Arizona waited patiently while Callie looked apprehensive. “I was hurt earlier, when you said that you wanted to go to someone else as your doctor, only–”

“Callie, no,” Arizona interrupted. “I was just shooting my mouth off. I didn’t really mean it.”

Callie held up a hand. “No, you weren’t entirely wrong. It’s hard for me to think of someone else getting to finish what we started together, but you have every right to separate the two areas of your life.” She quirked a tiny smile and cocked her head to the side. “I would rather be your girlfriend than your doctor if I had to choose, so if you want, I can recommend some great orthopedic surgeons for follow-up appointments and to keep an eye on things as they progress from here on out.”

Arizona was already shaking her head. “Thank you for saying that, but the only surgeon I want on my team is you. I don’t have any interest in going to someone less amazing.”

Callie didn’t seem entirely convinced. “Are you sure? Because I don’t want that getting in the way again like it did last night. I’m always going to have thoughts as your surgeon when something like this comes along.”

“And those thoughts are good thoughts,” Arizona reiterated, twirling a lock of dark hair around her index finger. “I promise to do my best to separate my reactions between girlfriend Arizona and patient Arizona from now on.”

“Me too,” Callie agreed. “And down the road, if we need to reconsider the arrangement, we can talk about it again without anyone taking offense, okay?”

Arizona didn’t foresee that happening, as she likely would never need surgery again, but she nodded anyway. If Callie ever really wanted to step away in that capacity, she would understand.

Now that that was settled, Callie had one more thing to add. “So, if you’re really okay with this, I’d like to get one final assessment in before you go back in the OR,” she said, then quickly held up a hand before Arizona could interrupt. “It’s not to shoot down your plans or to change my mind. It’s not for my benefit. You said I could hover, remember?”

“I think I said ‘keep tabs’, but I’ll allow it,” Arizona teased. “And when the time for that comes, you’ll help me figure out how to manage my OR time? Without being too extra cautious?”

That last part would be hard, Callie wasn’t delusional enough to think otherwise. She would just have to suck it up and stop trying to bubble-wrap Arizona every time she got nervous. “Deal.”

“Deal.”

They stared at each other and shook hands with the most serious of expressions, eventually breaking into a smile at the absurdity. Without warning, Callie hauled Arizona forward and engulfed her in a tight embrace, using all of her upper body strength to lift and twist her until they both collapsed horizontally on the couch.

Arizona was grinning as she wedged herself between the cushions and half draped over Callie. “Does this mean I can come back to the good bedroom tonight?”

“Oh no, you’re sleeping in the doghouse,” Callie said adamantly, cocking an eyebrow in challenge.

Snickering, Arizona nipped at her mouth before ducking down to suck on her earlobe. “You sure about that, _Doctor_ Torres?”

Callie groaned loudly and arched her back. “Okay, you can come back to bed,” she relented, landing both hands in a tight grip on Arizona’s ass.

Arizona chuckled into her ear. “You’re easy.”

Callie gave one cheek a firm smack and let Arizona jerk away with a yelp. “Serves you right,” she smirked, wiggling out from underneath so she could sit up and reach for the cartons of food.

Arizona struggled into a sitting position and wiped hair out of her face. She scanned the stacks of containers littering the table and suddenly realized how hungry she was. “We’re gonna destroy this buffet, aren’t we?”

“Oh yeah,” Callie said emphatically, handing over a pair of chop sticks and clinking them together. “If we finish before sunrise, it’ll be nothing short of a miracle.”

***

_Late September, 2009_

 

The first day on the job felt a lot like the first day of school. Coincidentally, Arizona had always loved school, so for her, the nerves came with a boatload of giddiness. There was a little bit of apprehension mixed in there somewhere, but for the most part she was elated.

Callie watched her as they came through the lobby, amused at the sunshine practically radiating from Arizona’s forehead. “Careful, you’ll vibrate right out of your shoes.”

Arizona cracked a grin and twirled her fancy new cane in a small arc. “I don’t need shoes. Right now it feels like I could fly upstairs if I tried hard enough.”

Callie just shook her head and adjusted the large duffel bag in her left hand. “Then by all means, feel free to carry your own crap when you take off, Dr. Twinkletoes.”

Arizona made a face and stuck her tongue out, ducking through a throng of visitors to get to the elevators. “You’re spoiling my fun.”

“You’re just so easy to make fun of,” Callie teased, slipping an arm around her waist and planting a kiss on her temple.

Arizona’s first day was an early one, so they had left the house shortly after 7a.m. Callie insisted on carrying the bag of her supplies, which contained items like a few changes of clothes, some shoes, towels, and other random things to put in her locker. Most of her personal effects were still in storage down in California, something they had agreed would need to be rectified now that she was staying permanently.

The first thing on their agenda was attending the staff meeting that morning. There, Chief Webber would introduce Arizona to the rest of the attendings and she would get a list of the residents assigned to the ER for the week. According to Callie, there had been a lot of rumblings about the new and mysterious trauma surgeon from the military and how things were going to be run differently once she started. Arizona kind of liked the idea of being revered before she even got there. It would give her an edge in intimidation, something Callie had informed her she would need if she kept grinning like an idiot.

They were early enough that the change room was empty. Callie looked around and found her girlfriend’s locker across the row from her own and down two numbers. She dropped the duffel on the bench and watched Arizona stare at the nametag adorning the front of it.

“Pretty cool, huh?” Arizona asked, tracing her fingers along the edges of the plaque.

“Very cool.” Callie smiled and looked away, giving Arizona a moment to let everything sink in. She dumped her jacket and purse into her own locker and busied herself with grabbing fresh scrubs from the laundry.

A quick glance around the room didn’t reveal too much. Arizona saw a door in the far wall that led to the showers and counted three rows of half-length lockers. She didn’t know the size of the staff but assumed not all of them were taken. The room was for surgical attendings only, so at least she wouldn’t have to deal with too many extra stares every time she went to change. While she was completely fine with Callie seeing her body, she had no desire to explain her battle wounds to anyone else.

The nervous flutter in her belly threatened to ruin the mood, so Arizona sat on the bench and dug through her things. She put away the clothing and toiletries she’d brought to keep at work, then leaned down to untie her shoes. Even though she wasn’t technically going to set foot in an OR for a couple more weeks, she had plans to visit the galleries shortly after meeting with IT to set up her office equipment. There were so many things happening in one day that she found herself too distracted to talk.

Callie didn’t push for conversation and changed into her scrubs in the meantime, taking a bit longer than usual so Arizona didn’t feel rushed. When she did look over her shoulder, she saw that Arizona had a scrub top on but not the pants, and she was making some adjustments to the brace with her leg stretched out in front of her on the bench.

Arizona was frowning in concentration when she felt a hand touch her shoulder. She glanced up and smiled sheepishly. “Sorry, I’m slow as an old lady these days. You can go ahead without me if you need to, I can find the boardroom on my own.”

Callie stepped around and sat on the bench by the heel of her girlfriend’s foot. She met the curious blue eyes staring back at her before wordlessly handing over a package wrapped in tissue paper.

Surprised, Arizona forgot about the brace and looked down at the object. “What’s this?”

Callie fidgeted. “I wanted you to have something special on your first day.”

Fingering the delicate wrapping, Arizona didn’t quite know what to say. “You didn’t have to get me anything. God knows you’ve already done more than enough for one lifetime.”

Callie rolled her eyes dramatically. “Would you just open it, please? I’m not taking it back.” She nudged the outstretched foot before continuing to make brace adjustments where Arizona had left off. She snuck a few peeks to watch her girlfriend’s face as she unwrapped the gift.

Folding back the torn edges, Arizona quickly realized she was holding a brand new lab coat. Curious, she took it out of the tissue paper and held it up, letting it unfurl in her lap. On one side of the chest was the official Seattle Grace Hospital name and logo, and on the other read ‘Dr. Arizona Robbins M.D., FACS’ with ‘Chief of Trauma Surgery and Emergency Medicine’ embroidered right below.

Arizona’s grin threatened to split her face. Just when she thought today couldn’t get any better, Callie went and did it again.

“I thought you deserved more than just a generic lab coat after everything you’ve been through,” Callie explained. “I special ordered it last week so it would get here in time for your start. Welcome aboard, Dr. Robbins.”

“Callie,” Arizona murmured, unable to peel her eyes away from the writing. “Thank you. I love it.” She dropped her hands and stared helplessly back at the brunette. She couldn’t remember a time when she had been this happy.

Callie gave Arizona’s thighs a firm squeeze before heaving herself up from the bench. “There’s technically a second part of the surprise, but you’ll have to see Teddy for it.”

Now Arizona just looked nervous. “Uh-oh.”

“Don’t worry, I think you’ll like it,” Callie chuckled. She closed her locker and shrugged on her own lab coat, rolling up the sleeves. “Ready for your first big meeting?”

Arizona inhaled a deep breath and released it in a steady wave. “Yeah, I think I’m ready to go,” she confirmed, closing her locker, stuffing her brother’s dog tags into her neckline, and moving to stand up.

Callie’s brow lifted. “Um, honey? Aren’t you forgetting something?”

Arizona looked down at herself. “Right, pants. Wow, that would’ve been awkward.” With the frazzled state her mind was in, walking out that door without pants on wasn’t entirely out of the question.

Laughing, Callie tossed a clean pair of scrub bottoms at Arizona’s face and waited for her to put them on. When she was settled and finally on her feet, it was Callie who couldn’t stop grinning. “Ready?”

Equal parts excited and wanting to hide in the corner, Arizona nodded. “Lead the way.”

***

They took up spots along the back of the room, opting to stand against the window rather than sit down. “I think I need more coffee,” Arizona said, practically vibrating across the floor on the balls of her feet. She didn’t know why she felt so nervous all of a sudden. “I need to be able to focus.”

“Then I think you should keep the caffeine intake to a minimum,” Callie suggested. She leaned against the window frame behind them and casually crossed her arms. “I love you when you’re excitable but you’ve got a lot of hands to shake in the next few hours. Any more coffee and you’ll be too worked up to remember anyone’s name.”

“This is assuming I don’t already have the brain of a goldfish,” Arizona mused, sharing a knowing smile with the other doctor. She was trying not to feel like the new kid at a strange school, doing her best to look friendly while the others around them shot her curious glances. So far the only one she recognized was Derek Shepherd, whom she had met briefly a few months ago, while the rest were all new faces.

A few stragglers trickled into the room and finally the Chief stood up at the head of the table. “As most of you already know, today we welcome Dr. Arizona Robbins to our staff,” he announced, extending a hand in her direction.

At least thirteen heads swivelled her way and she forced out the least-nervous looking smile she could manage. Next to her, Callie couldn’t seem to wipe the grin off her face.

“Dr. Robbins joins us after a lustrous career with the United States Marine Corps,” the Chief continued. “She first came here as a patient of Dr. Torres’. Thanks to _her_ brilliance and dedication, Dr. Robbins decided to stick around. She’ll be running the trauma department and ER from now on. Welcome to Seattle Grace.”

From her place three chairs to Webber’s right, Teddy swivelled in Callie and Arizona’s direction. She hid a smirk behind her hand as the two subtly leaned an inch or so further apart and tried not to look extremely guilty. Whether or not anyone other than Yang and the two Greys knew the whole story of their relationship was beyond her, but it was worth seeing the looks on their faces.

A round of welcomes and hellos floated Arizona’s way and she nodded politely at the crowd, wishing the Chief would move on to other things. She had never been comfortable as the center of attention, or at least not in recent years.

“She won’t be stepping into the OR just yet, but she will be prepping plans for a shift in how we run our Emergency Medicine department. If you or your residents have any questions, her office will be 1101.” Webber looked at Arizona, waiting to see if there was anything he had missed, but she shook her head and he shifted topics.

Once the Chief started on the OR-2 maintenance schedule for next week, Callie leaned closer to Arizona. “See? That wasn’t so bad.”

“Except for the terribly obvious fact that you’re sleeping with a former patient,” Arizona smirked, keeping her eyes trained forward.

“Not obvious to him,” Callie murmured. She was happy to let Webber think that things with Arizona developed much later than in actuality. Technically, nothing had happened before Arizona was discharged, so it wasn’t like she would get into a lot of trouble. He just didn’t need to know that it only took an hour after she left the building before they made out in front of her hotel room.

Lost in the memory of her first kiss with Arizona, Callie was too busy to notice that the meeting had adjourned after only fifteen minutes. Arizona elbowed her in the side and she started. “What?”

Amused, Arizona quirked an eyebrow. “You were smirking the entire time. What is going on in that dirty little brain of yours?”

“Stuff,” Callie shrugged, figuring that now wasn’t the time to detail just how naked Arizona had been at a few points. She pushed off the wall and strolled towards the coffee machine across the room. There wasn’t a lot left now that the meeting was over, so she set about making a new batch.

Someone tapped Arizona on the shoulder and she turned to find Teddy smiling widely. “Hey!”

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Teddy gushed, immediately pulling her into a giant hug. “You must feel like a million bucks.”

Arizona laughed and squeezed her back. “Mm, pretty close. I need to get my bearings first.”

“Better hope you find them soon,” another voice said from behind her. “The ER is falling apart and the residents are running around like a pack of wild, stupid puppies.” Arizona pivoted towards the source.

“Things aren’t that bad,” Callie scolded, frowning when Dr. Bailey butted in line and stole what little coffee had already hit the pot.

Bailey remained nonplussed as she then fixed her gaze on Arizona, sizing her up without much of an attempt to be subtle. “Sure they are. We’re stuck as a Level Two trauma centre for the first time ever, we’ve dropped ten spots on the top teaching list in the last eleven months, and we’re running short on beds. What I want to know is what you’re gonna do about it.” She cocked an eyebrow and waited for an answer.

Arizona wondered how one person could go for so long without blinking. “Chief Webber and I have already had a few conversations about the kinds of changes that need to be made. Bringing a certified trauma surgeon on board is the first step in getting Level One status back, but we’re going to have to rework the way things are run and bring in some new equipment if we want to turn heads. It’ll be tough but doable.”

Bailey snorted. “Day one and you’re already delusional. Asking them to spend more money is like asking Santa Clause to give you a polar bear for Christmas. All they see are the sharp teeth and scary claws that’ll rip a hole in their wallets, not the fuzzy, top-of-the-line DaVinci arm that will stop people from bleeding to death.”

That was a hard mental image to form. “I have my ways,” Arizona said, offering the abrasive woman a small smile. “It’s nice to meet you, by the way. Arizona Robbins.” She stuck out her hand and hoped she wouldn’t get bitten.

Bailey’s brow went up again and she stared blankly at the offending arm. Callie shot her a sharp glare and the shorter woman finally relented. “Miranda Bailey, general surgery,” she said, shaking hands with Arizona, albeit somewhat stiffly. “I’ll be spending my day in the Pit, corralling the stupid puppies and making sure they don’t go around peeing on things and making it all worse. Most of our good residents have already jumped ship for bloodier ERs, which means we’re short staffed and I get stuck doing all the damn dirty work.” That infamous glower was starting to return. “When can I expect you down there for support?”

Arizona glanced at the cane she was carrying and lifted it a couple of inches, almost like a feeble excuse. “I won’t be back in the OR just yet but I’ll make my way down to the ER this afternoon. If you need me before then, feel free to page me or try my office?”

Callie cleared her throat.

“I’ll be taking it easy,” Arizona reiterated for her girlfriend’s benefit. “I promise. Skills lab and office set up only for now.”

Bailey snorted. “Mm-hm.” Unimpressed, she pivoted on her heels and made an abrupt exit from the conversation.

Arizona deflated. “That went about as well expected. It wouldn’t be a day in the life of Arizona if someone didn’t think I was useless.”

“She’s just being Bailey,” Callie said, smiling apologetically. “She’ll warm up to you. I don’t think she likes new people very much.”

“She still doesn’t like me,” Teddy chimed in, pausing mid-sip when Callie shot her a deadpan glare. “But I’m sure you’ll be fine,” she added quickly for Arizona’s benefit.

Shaking her head, bemused, Arizona saw Derek Shepherd break away from the Chief and head in their direction. “Dr. Shepherd, it’s good to see you again.”

Derek shook Arizona’s hand with much more ease than Bailey had. “Glad to see you’re finally joining us. Welcome aboard.”

“You two know each other?” Callie asked, wondering when that had happened.

“Teddy introduced us a couple of weeks ago,” Arizona explained. “Besides, everyone with a brain knows the best neurosurgeon in North America. I’m looking forward to working together.”

He flashed one of his classic Derek smiles and Callie barely resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

“It turns out you also know my sister,” he added. “I hear you went to Hopkins together back in the day.”

Callie watched the wheels turn in Arizona’s head until a funny look came over her face. “You knew his sister?” she echoed.

“Amelia Shepherd, of course,” Arizona said with an awkward laugh, scratching at the side of her neck. “I don’t know why I didn’t put two and two together the first time.” She glanced at Callie, who was fixing her with a curious stare. “We, er, were in residency together. She was two years under me - _below_ me - so I was her Chief Resident.”

“Oh,” Callie shrugged. “Cool.” She didn’t get why that was such a big deal. Arizona looked really uncomfortable all of a sudden.

Derek seemed oblivious. “Anyway, I know you’ll be busy for quite a while, but if you have the chance to talk later, I’d love to pick your brain about a few things.”

The offer was friendly enough, though Callie knew multiple people would be talking Arizona’s ear off over the coming weeks, trying to get what they wanted from her. Everyone had an idea of how their department could benefit from an Emergency Medicine overhaul. Thankfully, she knew Arizona was not easily manipulated.

“Yeah, of course. Look me up in my office and we can talk sometime.” Arizona smiled politely and waited until he left the room before it dropped away and she cleared her throat. “Oh boy.”

Callie slowly began to clue in and she tilted her head to one side. “So, you slept with his sister, huh?”

Arizona looked over sharply. “What? _No_ , that’s not even…” She trailed off when Callie only looked more amused than before. Deflated again, her shoulders sagged. “Shut up, that’s not first-day-on-the-job talk.”

Callie dropped her head back and cackled as she followed Arizona from the boardroom. Teddy jogged to keep up with them after securing the coffee that Callie had left behind.

“Forgot something,” the cardiovascular surgeon spoke up, pressing a bundle of fabric into Arizona’s hands as they walked.

Arizona stopped in place when she realized it was a pair of her old scrub caps. “Where on earth did you get these?” she asked, holding them up. They were a mixture of dark, deep blues that blended together to look like light shining on the surface of water. She had been wearing the same kind for years but had left them all behind when she was medically evacuated from Iraq, or so she had thought.

“I took the only one that was left in your bag and found where to order them online,” Teddy explained. “For when you got back on your feet. Figured you could use some familiarity on your first day. There’s four all together.”

The scrub cap alone brought back a ton of memories, a lot of them with mixed emotions. Arizona fingered the material in her hands. “Thanks, Teddy. This is great.”

“I think this completes the set,” Teddy added, sweeping her eyes over her friend’s newly minted form. “New coat, favourite scrub caps, kickass leg brace that basically makes you The Terminator. I’d say you’re set for a day in the OR.” Her eyes flickered over to Callie’s. “Metaphorically speaking, of course.”

“Yeah, if only today would be that interesting,” Arizona laughed. “Right now I’m going to go park myself in the skills lab for a few hours and work with some of those digital animation segments you’ve told me about.”

“Those are fun,” Callie said. “You’ll probably cream the interns’ time records and make them all feel really bad about themselves.”

“That’s the plan,” Arizona teased. “That, and the IT guy is setting up my office in a little while. Then I’ve got to prep for a meeting tomorrow morning with Chief Webber and the Board to talk about some new equipment options while I convince them to spend the money. I’ll be lucky if I even see a single patient this week.”

Secretly, a part of Callie was happy to hear that, although she felt selfish for it immediately. It was exciting having Arizona at work, really. Seeing how well she was already fitting in made her happy. It would just take some time for Callie to stop the constant worrying she had become accustomed to.

Teddy’s pager went off and she checked it before backtracking in the direction they had just come from. “That’s my cue. Call if you need anything today, okay?” Arizona nodded and Teddy took off, leaving them alone.

The two of them continued on and Callie checked her watch on reflex, pursing her lips at the time crunch of a schedule she had today. “I’ve got to check in on some post-ops and meet with a patient about a hip replacement. You’re okay to go from here?”

Pausing at a junction in the hallway, Arizona faced her girlfriend and tugged on the lapels of her lab coat. “I think I can find my way.” She glanced up under her lashes and met the concerned eyes staring back at her. “Try not to worry too much, okay? I promise I’ll be fine. Lots of sitting and minimal stress.”

By this point, Callie was probably feeling more nervous than Arizona. “Okay,” she relented, not wanting to rain on her girlfriend’s parade. “I’ll look for you at lunch.”

“I would like that.” Arizona took a quick peek around them before pushing up on her toes and planting a quick peck on Callie’s cheek.

Callie melted, leaning forward on instinct. “I love you, you know that, right?” she asked quietly, not caring about their rules for workplace conduct.

Arizona gave her a funny look. “Of course I do, you goof,” she replied, nudging her in the hip. “Now go, do your thing and stop worrying so much. I’ll try to watch from the gallery later when you’re in the OR.”

Knowing she could look up mid-surgery and see Arizona smiling back at her made Callie break out into a huge grin. “Okay. That would be cool.”

“Then I’ll make it happen.” Arizona playfully wiggled her eyebrows before breaking away and strutting down the hall in the same direction they had been heading. She didn’t look back, though she knew very well that a set of eyes would be watching her every move.

Callie did watch her go, amazed that there was barely a hitch in her step. Her instincts were still screaming at her to follow and spend the day playing ‘invisible ninja’, peeking out from around random objects when Arizona wasn’t looking, but she knew Arizona wouldn’t appreciate the over-protective gesture now that she was actually here.

Stuffing her hands in her pockets and inhaling deeply, Callie peeled off in the opposite direction. With any luck, her day would be busy enough that she could think about something other than how Arizona was holding up for more than five minutes.

On the way to the surgical post-op wing, she spotted a familiar scowl when passing one of the filing rooms. Callie backtracked and poked her head in. “Karev, you’re in the ER today working with the new trauma doctor, right?”

He barely glanced at her while rummaging through a draw full of old patient files. “Yeah, what of it?”

Callie pursed her lips. “Try not to be a total ass, okay? I know you’re not exactly a ray of sunshine, but she’s here to help and you could learn a lot from her.”

Alex rolled his eyes and finally looked up. “Yeah, yeah, I got it. It’s not like I have anything better to do.”

“That’s the spirit,” Callie muttered under her breath before leaving him to his own devices and continuing on her way. She checked her watch three times in the short walk to the elevator and came to the conclusion that lunch time couldn’t come fast enough.


	19. Chapter 31

Despite all the hype it had received, Arizona’s first day on the job was relatively uneventful. She spent most of it in her new office - first with IT, then with Webber, and later by herself reviewing files on how the emergency management system had been run over the last five years. It was a bigger headache than she had originally thought but nothing she couldn’t handle given time and a large amount of patience from the Board. A lot of money had to be shuffled around and she had her work cut out for her in convincing them to spend more for long-term gain. They had promised her as much when she’d first signed on, but of course when it came to pulling out the chequebook, they were hesitant.

While the chaos Dr. Bailey had described at the staff meeting wasn’t quite as prevalent as she’d made it out to be, the residents could definitely do with some attitude adjustments. Arizona met most of the surgical residents on staff in the first three days and more than a few had already landed themselves on her watch list. They were cocky, irritating and overly confident - by definition, your average surgeon - and yet she wasn’t sure she would leave any of them alone with her patients just yet.

At the end of a very long and headache-inducing first shift, she stole away to the skills lab just so she could feel like she did something more productive than shuffle papers around and shake hands. Callie was right - her patience was being tested. All she wanted to do was jump right back into the thick of things. Staying true to her word, she stuck to the slow and careful approach they had planned out, but it was torture. She did it for Callie’s sake - and, to a lesser extent, her own.

The whole week went by in relatively the same manner. She didn’t deal directly with patients, instead keeping herself up to date with incoming traumas and paying attention to how they were run from start to finish. The system in place wasn’t bad but they were short-staffed and had more undertrained residents on hand than attendings. Arizona put in a request to run mandatory trauma exercises with every fourth year resident and under, regardless of their chosen specialty. Not only would it help in the ER, but if there was ever a major disaster, teams sent to the field would be better prepared. She knew firsthand how messy it could get when doctors became overwhelmed.

When the initial onslaught of paperwork and bureaucracy slowed down, Arizona threw herself into research and practice mode. She spent a good chunk of time in the far corner of the skills lab, alternating between a computer-generated surgical training program and the variety of dummies available for a more hands-on experience. To most of her colleagues it probably seemed silly and unnecessary, but Arizona wouldn’t take any chances before she got back into working with patients. Ten months off the job and getting her brain rattled around her skull in Iraq made her extra cautious; she had to trust herself beyond any doubt before she stepped back into the OR. There were quite a few precision techniques she used that not many residents would be familiar with, so it was imperative that she felt like she was on the ball before she got back to teaching.

Even with the daily headaches and stiffness in her limbs, Arizona’s time in the lab became progressively longer – she was in by seven a.m., out just after eight. Large portions of her day were spent sitting still, though her leg still throbbed by the time she got home. Nothing would have felt better than a hot bath after a long shift, only by that point she was too tired to actually take one. For the most part Arizona climbed straight into bed and fell asleep before Callie could even join her. Callie seemed resigned to their lack of time together but, to her credit, she was nothing short of understanding and supportive.

It helped that there had been no drastic impact on her symptoms since she started work. Just as Arizona had suspected, having a regular schedule again and something to focus on other than the crippling nightmares made it easier to cope. They didn’t disappear; she still woke up in a cold sweat at least once a night, but nothing had been bad enough to disturb Callie’s slumber. Most nights she was able to roll over and go back to sleep after a while. It made for some tired mornings, but Arizona held out hope that her old Energizer Bunny stamina would be kicking in any day now.

During her second Friday on shift, she was locked away in the corner of an empty lab, pouring over the latest research on pediatric cardiovascular penetrating trauma and several cases where new methods were employed in the field. It was already 7:30pm, twelve and a half hours after she had walked in the door, and the lines on the page were starting to blur. Arizona was preoccupied with re-reading the same paragraph over and over again, and didn’t notice anyone enter the room until a pair of arms enveloped her waist from behind. She jumped; though right away the faint scent of Callie’s shampoo and a pair of lips brushing against her neck calmed her down.

“You scared me,” she chided, automatically leaning into the embrace.

“Hi,” Callie chuckled, placing an apologetic kiss below her ear. “I knocked.”

Arizona felt goosebumps ripple underneath her skin. “Not complaining; this is a nice surprise,” she said. “Feels like I haven’t seen you in days.”

“I was beginning to wonder if you’d locked yourself in here by mistake,” Callie mused. “Came to see if I needed to break down the door and rescue you.” She nuzzled the side of Arizona’s neck affectionately, feeling the woman’s spine give out and more weight settle against her body.

“No, definitely not by mistake,” Arizona said through a yawn. “It’s voluntary. Though at this rate, my eyes will fall out of my head before I so much as put in a central line.” She wrinkled her nose. “You think they’ll be okay with a blind surgeon so long as she kicks ass?”

Callie squeezed Arizona’s middle before releasing her and sitting down. “You’ve been going at it pretty hard lately,” she pointed out, taking in the large amount of work material spread around the table. “Why don’t you come home with me tonight? I can cook you dinner.”

Arizona considered her options. “I should really get through this last stack of papers. It’s one less thing to do tomorrow. Plus, I need to make another phone call about that trauma course I want to do with the residents next month. I need it to be mandatory and there are some more hoops to jump through first.”

Callie could see that she would be fighting an uphill battle tonight. She admired Arizona’s iron-clad work ethic, but she wanted an evening alone with her girlfriend. Those had been scarce in recent weeks.

“Hm,” she hummed, narrow her eyes as she considered her options. “I’m upping my offer to ‘I’ll cook you dinner in my underwear’, but only if you come home with me now. No take-backs.” She cocked an eyebrow and tilted her head suggestively.

That put a smile on Arizona’s face. “Oh, playing hard ball, are we?” she teased. “You’re making it awfully hard to say no.”

“Then my plan is working.” Callie smirked and dropped her eyes to her girlfriend’s leg. “How’re you feeling, anyway?”

Arizona followed her gaze and stretched it out, flexing her knee within the confines of the brace. “I have callouses growing in strange places, thigh chaffing, and sometimes I forget how to walk in a straight line, but other than that, pretty darn good.” She was only partially joking - the brace worked fantastically, it was the long hours that were really putting a strain on her body. Her eyes were completely bloodshot by now and she was pretty sure she hadn’t washed her hair in two days; but hey, at least she was working again. Nothing short of another bomb would keep her from coming in.

Underneath the table, Arizona lightly rapped her knuckles against the wood grain. It occurred to her that she was the last person who should tempt the fates.

Callie’s concern was evident in her frown and hardly needed to be vocalized. “I’m going to be fine,” Arizona assured her for the hundredth time. “This is all a part of the process. I’m getting used to a schedule again, which is why I’ve been taking it easy.”

“ _This_ is your version of ‘easy?” Callie asked skeptically.

The corner of Arizona’s mouth twitched. “Remember our agreement?”

“The one in which I threatened to hold out on you if you so much as look sideways at an OR?”

That made Arizona laugh. “Yeah, that’s the one. But it _also_ states that as long as I’m not putting myself in danger, you’re not allowed to hover.”

“I know,” Callie relented. “You’re doing great, I just miss you, that’s all.”

“This won’t be forever, I promise,” Arizona said. She reached over and gave Callie’s lab coat an affectionate tug. “I think I’m going to spend Monday in the ER, though. The new schedule rotation seems to be working okay but I’d rather see it for myself. And I’m starting to think the others are wondering why I’m here at all if I’m not doing my job.”

“No one is thinking that,” Callie said immediately. “They all know your situation and everyone I’ve talked to is happy you’re here. A few weeks in the grand scheme of your career is nothing to complain about. Besides, you’re getting our trauma centre back up and running, those bastards had _better_ be grateful.”

Leave it to Callie to be direct and to the point. “Still, I want to start showing my face on the surface now that I’ve got some refreshers under my belt,” Arizona continued. “So far it doesn’t seem like anything was jarred loose up here, so that’s a bonus.” She tapped the side of her head with an index finger.

Callie rolled her eyes. “You are as brilliant as you are beautiful, Arizona. Not even an explosive concussion can take that away.”

The sentiment made Arizona grin, but for the longest time she had been paranoid that it had. The concussion she sustained had been pretty severe and it took a while to heal. There was a lot of brain fog after the incident and she had been nervous about how well she could focus on the medicine again when the time came. So far, so good. Med school and residency hadn’t been completely knocked out of her skull.

Arizona swiveled back to the table, bracing herself for one last push to end the day, but as hard as she tried, all she could do was stare helplessly at the mountain of paperwork in front of her. Now that her concentration had been broken, she didn’t know where to pick up and restart.

Callie quirked an eyebrow when Arizona failed to make any further movements. “Something wrong?”

Arizona’s shoulders dipped. “I think I forgot how to read,” she whined, suddenly aware of the sluggishness seeping into her bones. That was never a good sign.

“Okay, I’m taking you home,” Callie laughed, sliding from her stool and grabbing Arizona by the waist. She pulled until the blonde got to her feet, seeing the exhaustion etched into her features. “You’ll thank me in the morning when you don’t wake up dead.”

Arizona resigned herself to an evening of relaxation and pajama pants, gathering up the reading materials. “I don’t remember being this tired before,” she admitted, closing her laptop and stuffing it in her bag. “When I was in Iraq, we hardly ever slept and it just seemed...normal. This place has air conditioning and a distinct lack of violence and I’m zonked. This must be what getting old feels like.” She looked perplexed at the very idea. 

“Hey, older women are hot,” Callie shot back, grinning when Arizona glared at her. “What? Your birthday is next month and I totally plan on sexing you up in celebration. Even if you’re sore and broken down and close to retirement.”

Arizona smacked her in the gut. “Jerk,” she mused, slinging her briefcase over one shoulder. She always appreciated how Callie never let her wallow for too long. It was that kind of attitude that had helped pull her out of her perma-funk in the first place. 

Callie slipped an arm around her back and guided her towards the exit, leaving no room for Arizona to change her mind. “You’re gonna be sexy when you’re eighty, Arizona. I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

Once again, Arizona grinned in a way that only Callie could bring out of her. “Nice recovery, Torres. I’ll remember that one for the future.”

***

Callie made the mistake of thinking that her anxiety problems were over after Arizona spent two weeks in a relatively safe, stable environment. There were no threats beyond exhaustion and sleep deprivation in a laboratory setting. Then Monday morning rolled around, the day Arizona would be right back in the middle of a chaotic ER, and suddenly she was a train wreck of nerves all over again.

The theory behind the practice was sound – Arizona was back on her feet and managing her time correctly. Of course she wanted to be back in action, that was where a trauma surgeon thrived. Callie even looked forward to sharing cases, knowing that one day they would be standing across an OR table from each other. This chapter of her life combined the two things she loved most in the world – Arizona and her job as a surgeon – but she just couldn’t seem to curb that pesky instinct to wrap the blonde in pillows and hide her away from danger. Unfortunately for Callie’s blood pressure, she was deeply attracted to an independent and motivated woman. It was a conflicting issue that would only go away with time and exposure on her part. Arizona was doing this, there was no way around it. 

A lack of sleep the night before left Callie scrambling and late for work on Monday, cursing under her breath as she breezed through the apartment and gathered up her things. She was on edge. Triggers, physical setbacks, emotional repercussions; all of these things weighed on her mind. Every possible thing that could go wrong did in her dreams, right down to an asteroid hitting the Pacific Northwest and Seattle becoming the forefront of a major disaster – which Arizona had the unfortunate responsibility of cleaning up.

No, Callie wasn’t doing herself any favours. Sometimes she wished she had a less active imagination.

“Where’s the other one?” she demanded, hopping around on one leg while trying to put the shoe she did have on the wrong foot. Callie caught the mistake and reversed direction, stumbling into the wall as Arizona appeared.

Arizona looked tentatively amused as she handed over the missing one. “You okay? You seem really stressed out this morning.”

Callie snatched the sneaker away and shoved it on her foot. “I’m fine,” she said stiffly, casting a look at her watch and swearing. “Damn it, I’m going to be late.”

“Your patient can wait ten minutes without dying, so don’t go running into traffic, okay?” Arizona joked. Callie had clearly woken up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, she just didn’t know why.

Despite her irritation at a day that had barely begun, Callie checked her attitude at the door and took a moment to skim over Arizona’s physique. She wasn’t going in until noon, so chances were they wouldn’t see much of each other today, barring any emergency cases that required ortho to step in. Arizona did look pretty good right now; tired, but good. She wasn’t favouring her right side too much, so that boded well.

“Take it easy out there, okay?” Callie asked. “Don’t be afraid to page for help if you need it.”

Arizona fought the urge to roll her eyes. “Thanks, mom.”

Callie pursed her lips. “Come on, I was only-“

“I am perfectly capable of standing on my own two feet for a few hours,” Arizona cut in. “You don’t need to keep-”

Callie held up a hand. “Yeah, I know, ‘shut up Torres’, I get it,” she grumbled, pulling her hair into a messy ponytail before stooping over to grab her purse. “I’m sorry, just…be careful. Don’t rush yourself.”

It was hard not to feel annoyed when those kind of comments sounded about as supportive as a wet noodle. Today was already going to be stressful enough without the added pressure of her girlfriend’s expectations and the worried looks constantly being thrown her way. Arizona had to remind herself that Callie had good intentions, even if the guilt trips were getting old. She couldn’t _really_ be mad.

Well, maybe just a little bit.

“I will see you when I get there,” Arizona reiterated, holding the door open with a polite smile wedged in place.

Callie knew she was being pushed out of the apartment, though she couldn’t really blame Arizona at this point. She would have kicked herself out, too. “Right, going now. Bye.”

Arizona’s expression softened. “Bye.”

Callie stepped in for a quick kiss and then booked it down the hallway.

Arizona locked up after her, sighing with relief, and shuffled into the kitchen. She loved Callie, but this morning she was like a grumpy bear, and not in a cute way.

The jangle of nerves in her belly took away her appetite for breakfast. A quick look in the fridge told her they didn’t have much more than cheese, beer and some hot sauce, anyway. None of those things spoke to her stomach, so she closed the fridge and leaned against the counter instead.

Arizona was confident going into this while still feeling nervous as hell, even if she didn’t say as much to Callie. Getting back to treating patients had a lot of implications, many of which she hardly understood herself. For starters, the last patient she had seen literally blew up in front of her – so hopefully today would end on a better note.

Even with Cristina gone and the place to herself for a few hours, she went into the bedroom to relax. There was a more noticeable hitch in her step when she walked without the brace, something she only did at home for the time being. It took longer to get around but hopefully, with lots of practice, one day she would be able to walk with a more normal gait. Arizona still swam twice a week in an effort to keep up her conditioning, although she had only made it out once since she started working. The one day she had taken off in the last few weeks, she’d slept for fourteen hours and then gone back to the lab in the evening. She realized she would need to create some kind of schedule so her physical therapy didn’t fall by the wayside while she got her career back on track.

With or without the brace, there was always pain on some level; it was something she was just learning to live with. The pain was her gauge for how she was doing – if she could walk without collapsing into a pile of spent bones, it was usually considered a good day. So long as the good outnumbered the bad, she was happy, and that seemed to be the trend.

Her cellphone was buzzing across the side table when she entered the bedroom and Arizona automatically assumed it was Callie calling to remind her of something else. She hurried to catch it in time but her right foot caught on a discarded pair of jeans and she stumbled forward. Mid-trip, she somehow managed to grab the phone on its last ring, smacking her knee against the bed frame in the process.

“ _Ow_ – hello,” she answered, her voice strained as the not-so-funny bone in her kneecap caused everything below it to go numb. For a very precise surgeon, she was kind of a klutz in every other aspect of her life.

“ _Good morning,”_ came the Sergeant’s cheery reply. _“Did I wake you?”_

Arizona sat down and massaged the fresh injury. “No, not at all, I was just seeing Calliope off to work.” When the tingling subsided, she slid back and reclined on the mattress. “How are you? It feels like we haven’t talked in ages.”

 _“I didn’t want to bother you while you were getting settled,”_ Daniel replied. _“How are things at work?”_

“They’re great, actually,” she said. “Exhausting in that ‘is it the weekend yet?’ kind of way, but other than that, I can’t really complain. It’s nice having a life again.”

“ _I’m glad to hear it.”_ He covered the mouthpiece and Arizona could hear him talking to someone in the background, followed by a couple of loud barks from the puppies before he came back on. _“Any chance we’ll get to see you at group this week? It’s been a while.”_

Arizona winced. “I wouldn’t count on it, sorry. I’m working Thursday. I promise I’ll try and come to a meeting soon.”

 _“You’d think you were someone important, like a doctor or something,”_ Daniel joked. _“Anyway, I didn’t call to harass you, I know you’re busy. But I do have a proposition, if you’re open to it.”_

“Sounds cryptic. Should I be worried?”

 _“Only time will tell. Are you working right now?”_.

“Not for a few hours.” Arizona listened to him explain his thoughts and eventually sat up again. She checked the clock and factored in travel time to when she had to be at work. “Sure, I can meet you at nine. Need me to come over there?”

_“You’re the one doing me the favour. I’ll come to you.”_

***

“Did you ask Cristina?” Callie said into the phone, pinning it between her ear and shoulder while she filled out a prescription.

“I haven’t seen her in four days, I was hoping to catch her at work.”

Arizona was making her way down a busy sidewalk while they chatted, still two blocks from the hospital. A heavy rain had fallen that morning and left the sidewalks slick with puddles. She dodged around them to avoid soaking her feet, figuring that mold-infested padding would ruin all of Callie’s hard work. To keep her hands free, she had strapped her cane to the side of her backpack, knowing Callie would berate her if she left it at home. The brace was fit snugly around her leg but a throb of discomfort welled up with every slow, lumbering step that she took.

Given the lengthy day she had ahead, she planned on icing the joint when she got to work. It wasn’t an ideal way to start the afternoon, but chronic pain was inevitable. There was no use in working Callie up about something neither of them could control, so she had kept it to herself.

A skateboarder suddenly zipped by, too busy texting to notice Arizona as he came within an inch of knocking her into traffic. She balked, momentarily distracted from the conversation, and glared as he weaved around some other pedestrians. There were more than a few scathing looks thrown his way, though the teenager remained oblivious. At one point, he dipped around a mother and child, dropping from the curb and shooting out between parked cars. Arizona bit her tongue to keep from yelling after the boy - she was already one step away from ‘get off my lawn’ on the best of days; there was no need to age herself any further.

“Still there?” Callie asked after an extended period of silence.

“Yeah, I’m here.” Arizona switched the phone to her other ear. “Cristina will probably just think one of her dirty dishes grew legs and learned how to walk; I’m not too worried about it.” A car horn sounded a sharp warning in the background, almost blocking out her girlfriend’s response.

Callie was laughing at the image that painted in her head. “I wouldn’t be surprised. One of these days she’s going to have to start naming them and forking out for vet bills.” She distinctly remembered a smell coming from Cristina’s room back when they had first moved in together, and she had gone on to discover a forgotten spaghetti plate growing green things underneath the bed. Since then, Cristina had been a _tiny_ bit more careful, though Callie could never be too sure.

“If she has a problem with it, I can work something else out,” Arizona added as she came to the crosswalk and pressed the button.

“Nah, you’re probably good,” Callie agreed. “Karev has slept on our couch before, so has Meredith. We’re used to waking up to that sort of thing.” She covered the receiver and quickly mouthed some instructions to an ICU nurse. “She’s in for a hell of a surprise either way. I think she was headed home to get some sleep; probably left already.”

Arizona winced as she waited for the pedestrian light to change. “Oops. Guess I should’ve left a note on the door, huh?”

***

It wasn’t long after Arizona had left for the day that Cristina shouldered through the front door with an unceremonious bang, balancing take-out in one hand and a bunch of stolen cardiothoracic files in the other. With Altman in surgery all day, she had helped herself to a stack of confidential research material, with plans to go through it all and get it back in the right drawer before her boss noticed it was missing. There was a complicated valve replacement on the menu in two weeks and she needed all of the prep work she could get. Technically it was Alex’s case, but whatever - shame was for losers. Cristina thought herself very much a winner, which was why she was planning on swiping this surgery away without Alex ever realizing it. 

With her headphones blaring, she danced into the living room and dumped her bags on the floor, whipping out a carton of noodles and cracking a pair of wooden chopsticks in half. She sprawled out on the couch and shoveled a healthy portion of chow mein into her mouth, still bobbing in time with the music.

Given that her roommates were working and no one else lived in the apartment with them, Cristina couldn’t be faulted for screaming when something small and furry suddenly landed on her back. Dinner went airborne and she nearly fell off the couch, twisting around to get a good look at whatever it was that attacked her.

Tank crouched over the cushions, situated right above his newfound friend, and fixated on her dinner. The rapid tail wagging churned up a small breeze that Cristina could feel from where she was sitting.

“Who the hell are you?” she demanded, ripping the headphones from her ears. The chihuahua yipped and jumped down to occupy the spot next to her.

Okay, she was pretty sure no one had ever bought a dog. That was something she definitely would have remembered. “Uh, Callie?” Cristina called out, receiving only an indignant woof in their otherwise quiet surroundings. Tank stepped closer and she recoiled, sheltering her dinner from the miniature werewolf slowly encroaching on her space.

The dog sat on his haunches and looked expectantly at the carton of Chinese food, failing to take the hint, or perhaps just ignoring it. His giant, bat-like ears rotated in a semi-circle as he listened to her speak. A lack of speed on Cristina’s part made him bark again, louder this time, and he leaned forward to sniff at the air.

Cristina distanced herself another inch or two. “No. Bad. _Mine,_ ” she scolded. A quick jab at the dog’s face with her chopsticks did nothing to scare him off.

Tank snuffled quietly and started to whine, glancing between her and the food again. To his credit, he didn’t lunge for it, intent on seeing his guilt trip through to the end.

Cristina looked at the chow mein, then back at him. “ _No._ Shoo,” she repeated. “Bad dog. Go on!”

The chihuahua’s tail picked up speed and he lowered himself into a submissive, belly-down position, turning his big brown eyes up at her from beneath his eyelashes.

Even Cristina, who prided herself on her emotional distancing skills, paused for the first time that encounter. She was still stuck on the part where there was a dog living in their apartment, because absent or not lately, this was kind of a big thing for her to miss. It _was_ kind of cute, though, in a slobbery, mangy mutt kind of way.

With a very slow, deliberate movement, she plucked a small portion of noodles with her chopsticks and extended them outward, letting them dangle freely above the little creature’s forehead.

Tank lunged forward to gobble the meal down in a quick series of bites. Cristina raised her arm higher and he danced around on his hind legs to reach the noodles, several of them tugging loose and landing on his snout.

Amused, Cristina shook her head and gave the next portion to herself. “I have no idea who you are, but if you’re gonna throw that up, make sure you do it in Torres’ bed.”

***

It was shortly after she hung up with Callie that Arizona reached the set of lights across from the hospital. The pedestrian signal had yet to change, so she took the opportunity to stoop down and fiddle with the ankle attachment fit snugly into her shoe. It had the tendency to rub when she walked, and in her rush to leave the house she’d forgotten to apply a layer of mole skin to prevent blistering. That was just one more thing to add to the list of crap she had to take care of before she could even start her day. This stupid leg of hers was turning out to be incredibly high-maintenance. For now, all she could do was bunch up the sock to provide some padding until she got to work.

Her mind was already set on the hours to come, so much so that, as she stood up again, she nearly missed the screech of tires off to her right. The crash that followed would have been impossible to ignore; glass splintered, people began shouting, and the scent of burning rubber suddenly permeated the air.

By the time Arizona zeroed in on the noise, a crowd had begun to form around the scene. A large tow truck had slid diagonally across the white lines on the pavement and come to a stop thirty feet past the intersection. Arizona noticed skid marks trailing behind it. A chorus of panicked voices rose up just as her view was obscured by the flurry of people arriving to gawk.

The crosswalk signal changed in front of her but she was already backtracking towards the accident. When she got closer, she saw that the tow truck had plowed into the back of a parked car. Scattered bits of glass and broken material lay strewn around the pavement, while the back of the car was crunched inward – this wasn’t just a fender bender. A man clambered out of the truck cab and stumbled around the front of his vehicle.

Arizona picked up her pace, shouldering through the crowded sidewalk with a couple of curt _‘move!’_ s to get them out of her way. When she reached the pick-up, all she noticed were a bunch of shaken and confused faces swarming the streets. There was no immediately identifiable cause that she could see.

“I’m a doctor, what happened?” she demanded. She threw her backpack to the ground and grabbed the driver by the shoulder to get a good look at him.

The man was shaking, the whites of his eyes prominent as he scanned the area. “H-he just flew out in front of me, I couldn’t stop. I think he fell or something; I didn’t see him until-”

“He?” Arizona interrupted. “He who? Where is he?”

“I-I don’t know…maybe I missed him?” The man spun in a circle, confused. “I tried to get out of the way, but I hit that car, and then…” Perspiration dotted his forehead and he seemed really disoriented; whether from shock or a head injury Arizona wasn’t sure, so she led him to the curb and got him to sit down.

“There was a kid,” one of the bystanders called out. “On his skateboard. He darted out and kind of fell into the street.”

Of the ten or so people standing immediately around them, no one looked like they had just been hit by a car. Arizona got up and did a quick check of the front of the vehicle, where it had collided with the one parked. “There’s blood on the grill,” she mumbled to herself. It would have been pretty hard to miss had someone flown over the truck itself on impact. A quick glance behind it and she noticed what looked like faint streaks of blood on the pavement.

In her experience, that was never a good sign.

Kneeling was a slow process in her condition, but it allowed Arizona to hear a faint murmur before she looked under the vehicle. A strangled cry followed and she dropped flat on her stomach to get a good look. “He’s under here!” she yelled over her shoulder. “Somebody call an ambulance!”

Knowing that at least one person in the crowd would be taking care of it, she focused on the skateboarder that had nearly plowed into her before, and came to the grim realization that he was trapped within the tow truck’s chassis. There was too much blood to see the extent of the damage, but right now she was going to go with ‘bad’ – there was more of him stuck to the bottom of the truck than actually touching the pavement. His left leg alone was jammed into the back axel.

The teenager was shaking uncontrollably, which for now meant that he was still alive. For how long, Arizona couldn’t tell. She shifted around the side of the truck to get a better look.

“Can you hear me?” She thought he was unconscious until his eyes rolled in her direction. It was the only part of him she had seen move voluntarily in the last thirty seconds. “Listen, I’m a doctor at the hospital across the street and I’m going to get you out of here, but I need you to hold really still, okay?”

“Hel…” It came out more of a croak, barely audible, and a gurgle of blood kept the teen from finishing. He ignored her advice, or possibly not didn’t understand it in his condition, and tried to move his head in her direction.

“No-no, I need you to stay still,” Arizona repeated, only louder this time. She held back a grimace as she flattened out on her stomach and slowly inched under the car. Broken glass dug into her forearms, while dirt and other debris stuck to her skin thanks to the rain from earlier. At one point she banged her head on the underbelly of the truck and had to force herself to get as low as she possibly could. The kid was wearing a helmet himself, which gave him a better chance of surviving this, but that didn’t do a whole lot of good for the rest of his body.

When she was a kid, her father had hit a deer on the highway with his truck. They were going on a family trip to the mountains and the animal had just darted out in front of them. It had become trapped under their large pick-up rather than being plowed out of the way or up into the windshield. Good for them, bad for the deer. They had dragged it about thirty yards before coming to a stop, and the mess it had made between the mechanical underside and the pavement was pretty gruesome. The deer had ended up partially skinned by the time her dad peeled it off and she would forever remember the amount of blood that had swirled into the drain at the car wash later that day.

The teenager wasn’t in much better shape. He was mangled into the truck mechanics with at least two points of contact that she could see – his right arm was caught and extended back above his head, and his left leg was crushed around the axel. Part of his shoulder had been ripped open and was bleeding freely through his shirt, while the impact and drag force had shredded other areas of exposed skin. It was hard to tell just how bad it all was, though a growing pool of blood beneath the boy gave her a pretty good idea. Among other things, she could see bone splintering through his shin where it was broken in at least two places. They needed to get him to the ER as soon as humanly possible, and all without causing further injuries during extraction.

“Hold still,” Arizona reiterated. She struggled to get closer and put a hand underneath his head, hoping to support his neck until he could be stabilized.

“Oh, _god_.” The driver had reappeared and was crouching down behind her. “I didn’t see him, he just flew out and fell in front of me. I didn’t _see_ him!”

“Not important right now,” Arizona said through a hard breath. She knew her crosswalk light had been on, so the car had probably hit the kid on a green light. Somehow she didn’t think that pointing out how traffic flowed would reassure the teenager at this very moment. If she got him to the OR in one piece and he made it through, there would be plenty of time for life lessons later.

“What’s your name?” Arizona tried to squirm closer but scraped her head on something metal again. She swore under her breath and shuffled around until she could hold his head and neck in place without breaking her own.

There was a delay while he registered the question. “Kevin,” he murmured weakly. “I’m not…”

“Kevin, I’m Dr. Robbins. Can you wiggle your fingers for me? Carefully now.” Arizona didn’t want him moving until he was stabilized, but she needed to know how likely a spinal cord injury was. He gave an incoherent moan and tried to shift his body again, so she did her best to keep him still. “No, don’t move around, just try and wiggle your fingertips.”

“Can’t se…” The words faded and his eyelids began to flutter.

“Stay with me, buddy, we’re gonna get you out of here,” Arizona said in a loud voice. With a grunt, she forced her body forward a couple of more inches. It was a tight fit underneath the truck and she was starting to feel mildly claustrophobic. “Hear those sirens? They’ll be here in under a minute.”

An ambulance was the first to arrive and shortly after it the fire department. Arizona stayed beneath the vehicle and worked with the paramedics to get a C-collar on the patient. Once it was in place, she shifted over to let one of them crawl in next to her and moved down to get a better look at his leg. It was jammed in there pretty good and she couldn’t see a way to work it out without using power tools.

“We need to cut him loose,” she called back to the nearest firefighter. “Get a blade that can cut through steel. You’ll also need something to take the weight of the vehicle and push it up – but _slowly_. I can’t get in here to stabilize him.”

The fireman that was kneeling by her legs looked skeptical. “You should move back, ma’am, let us take care of this.”

“I’m a military doctor, I’ve done this before,” she snapped. “There is no way you or your men can fit under here. We don’t have time for chivalry.”

He didn’t exactly look convinced, but Arizona’s words rang true. She had barely squeezed underneath the car herself and she was a lot less bulky than multiple men in full gear.

“Get me some air bags,” the fireman yelled to his crew. He dipped down to get a better view of the truck’s underbelly. “Do you see any fuel leaking?”

Arizona craned her neck around and breathed in deeply in a couple of times. “I don’t think so; but the pavement’s pretty slick.” All of the rain water and blood made it hard to distinguish if there was gasoline on the ground as well. She didn’t smell anything or see any active streams flowing from a broken fuel line.

The firefighter nodded. “We’ll pump this up as much as you think we can and get a circular saw to cut through here and here.” He pointed out two spots on the back axel. “The hand should be a bit easier to untangle, they’ll work on that with the Jaws at the same time.”

Arizona nodded. “Good.” They would just have to wait and see about the rest of Kevin. The paramedics were doing their best to stem the flow of blood from the open wound on his chest in the meantime, while Arizona’s biggest concern was his internal injuries, and making sure he could breathe once he was free.

“You okay in there a bit longer?” the fireman asked. “It’ll take them a minute to get everything set up.”

“I’m good,” Arizona said curtly. Her neck was starting to seize up with the awkward angle she was jammed under the vehicle in, but not much could be done about that until the teenager was free.

The other paramedic handed her some gauze padding and she used what she could for a temporary pressure pad. “I need shears,” she called back. Someone brought over a pair and the guy behind her extended them under the car. It took some twisting and careful maneuvering, but Arizona managed to prop herself against the hard ground and cut away part of his pants. Once that was finished and she had packed the wound as carefully as she could around the mechanics, she rested her cheek on the mucky pavement, away from the blood. Every muscle in her body was screaming and she worked to gulp down enough air to trigger her second wind. Today was going to be a tough one to get through.

A group of Seattle Fire Department guys arrived with the airbags and started to set up. The paramedics were readying a backboard and make-shift platform to keep the boy elevated until he could be freed. The extraction was going to be a very delicate balance between the two and a single slip could open up an artery.

The firefighter that had been assisting her reappeared a minute later while his men shored up the air bags. “So, army doctor, huh? Do this kind of thing often?”

“More than you’d think,” Arizona said with a small smirk, rolling her eyes in his direction while keeping her head down. “Two tours in Baghdad and a lot of vehicle extractions.”

“Sounds intense.”

“Yeah,” Arizona panted, working mentally to slow her heart rate down. “Mind you, never thought I’d be doing the same thing in downtown Seattle, but…” A drop of sweat rolled down her forehead and she tried to shake it off. Her core temperature was hovering somewhere around a million degrees right now.

The firefighter seemed impressed, like he wanted to ask more question, but his team called out that they were ready. “You’ll have to move until we can get him free.”

“Not yet.” Arizona craned her head around to double check the wound. “Make sure you go slowly; I don’t want him tearing free.”

“We’ve got this, I promise.” He stooped lower and stretched his hand out. “Here, let me help.”

Arizona was reluctant to leave the kid, but he was barely conscious and they were running out of time. The last thing she wanted was to get in the way and slow things down.

She took the firefighter’s glove and started to wiggle herself out from under the car. He helped her back up carefully and used his other hand to keep her head from smacking the car again.

“One of you needs to keep him stable and make _sure_ there’s no further damage to the limb. If he nicks an artery, he won’t make it across the street,” she ordered as her body finally cleared the truck.

The firefighter repeated the orders to his men and guided Arizona to her feet. She stumbled into him, a side effect of her legs being locked in position for almost half an hour.

“Easy,” he grinned, steadying her with a hand on her back. His eyes dropped to where her jeans had ridden up and hooked onto part of her leg brace. “Souvenir?”

“Huh?” Arizona scrunched her brow and looked down. “Oh, that. Yeah,” she puffed, pushing sweat-soaked hair from her forehead and smearing car grease and mud in the process. “You could say that.”

Again, he seemed curious about the woman that had just wedged herself beneath a car voluntarily, but they both had a job to do. “Wait here. We’ll take care of him.”

Arizona stood back and let his team get to work on extracting the patient, taking the opportunity to catch her breath. It wasn’t exactly a hot summer day, but she was drenched in sweat and had little cuts covering the exposed part of her forearms and wrists. While SFD did their thing, she grabbed a towel from the ambulance and hurriedly tried to clean herself up.

It was hard not to jump in and help stabilize the kid while the grinding of power tools filled the air, but the fire department was taking her instructions to heart. For the longest time she was used to doing part of that job herself – with the Marines and the Navy, it was all hands on deck. Waiting patiently was not her strong suit, especially since she had the tendency to believe other people would screw it up without her supervision. But the rescue crew was fast and efficient; they knew what they were doing.

The truck gradually rose, several inches at a time, and one of the medics remained underneath to ensure the patient was cut loose in the most stable way possible. Arizona couldn’t see what was being done and it drove her nuts, but she stayed out of their way. As soon as the kid was free, EMS and the team of firefighters extracted him from under the truck on a backboard. They hoisted him onto the waiting gurney and Arizona immediately jumped back into the fray. Scattered applause erupted from the crowd.

The situation was far from over. His airway was clear for now and his circulation weak but flowing, so she assessed the leg wound while the paramedics packed his chest. She stabilized the two main breaks the best she could until they got to the ER.

“Decreased breath sounds on the right,” the female paramedic told her. “Pneumothorax?”

Arizona left the compression packing in place and felt around his chest, tapping her fingers to try and get some good acoustics in return. With all the noise on the street, it was hard to tell if they were dealing with blood or air in the chest cavity. “Hand me that 14 gauge,” she ordered.

By now she was on auto-pilot. There wasn’t an ounce of hesitation as Arizona picked her spot and plunged the needle into the patient’s chest. Instead of air, a spurt of blood jetted from the syringe.

“Fuck,” she growled. “He’s got a hemo. We need to get him to the ER; he’ll need a tube and intubation.”

“I’ll drive.” The other medic rounded the cab and jumped into the driver’s seat.

“Tell them we’re three minutes out,” Arizona barked after him. The fireman from earlier stepped up and helped them load the gurney into the back of the ambulance. Arizona had trouble climbing in after it, stumbling twice, so he helped her up.

Once she was in, he grabbed both doors before pausing. “Good luck,” he said to Arizona, watching her work.

She glanced up while putting in an IV. “Thanks for the hand. You guys are good.”

“Not so bad yourself.” He met her gaze and flashed her a crooked smile, then closed the doors and banged on the back.

As the ambulance started to pull away, Arizona realized that, in all of the chaos and confusion, she had forgotten to ask his name.

***

Callie may or may not have planned her ER visit for when Arizona was due on shift. It wasn’t necessarily the only reason she went down there, but she found a couple of excuses to stick around for a lot longer than she normally would have. The last thing she wanted was to go all psycho-stalker on Arizona, but she would feel better if she knew how her girlfriend was doing. Most of her time was spent hiding behind the admin desk, coming up with an array of excuses as to why she was _not_ hovering and had every reason to be there, just in case Arizona asked.

When the clock reached 12:38 and one of the residents inquired as to when Dr. Robbins would be arriving, noting that she wasn’t in her office, Callie started to get worried. They had just talked when Arizona was half a block away; there was no reason for her to be almost half an hour late.

Several phone calls went unanswered and Callie started to panic. “Come on, pick _up_ ,” she muttered under her breath, re-dialing yet again as she stepped out into the ambulance bay. Callie was self-aware enough to know that she was probably over-thinking things, but then again that was all she did these days. Arizona was used to it by now.

Bailey was waiting with a team of residents for the arrival of an incoming trauma. “Torres, you filling in for Robbins? She was supposed to be here by noon.” She did not sound too impressed, as usual, and neither Callie nor Arizona could figure out why the blonde had incurred her wrath to begin with.

Callie just shook her head, distracted by another voice recording in her ear. “I’m trying to find out where she is,” she explained. “She was just a couple of blocks away.”

Bailey merely pursed her lips and said nothing as an ambulance turned into the bay and roared up to the waiting cluster of doctors.

Callie stepped back, thinking she should go somewhere quieter, when the doors burst open and Arizona practically fell out of the back. The unexpected discovery shocked Callie into a stunned silence. Arizona was already calling out vitals and information to the residents who received the gurney, working with the paramedics to get the patient on the ground.

_‘You have reached Dr. Arizona Robbins, Chief of Trauma Surgery at Seattle Grace Hospital. I am unavailable right now, but please leave a-‘_

Callie canceled the call and just about tripped over her own feet in a rush to get to the ambulance. “What the hell happened?”

“Kevin Reed, auto-versus-pedestrian, I was at the scene,” Arizona called out above the initial flurry of activity. “Fire department pulled him from under the vehicle. We’re gonna need you Torres; his left leg’s in pretty bad shape, pelvis might be fractured, and possibly his shoulder.”

“For starters,” Bailey commented, checking under the gauze packing that had been applied en-route.

“He lost consciousness at the scene, and a lot of blood. Intubated, diagnosed hemo in the field, he needs a chest tube STAT. At least he’s wearing a helmet.” Arizona took the gurney’s right side as a mixture of medics and doctors jogged the patient through the sliding doors and into the waiting trauma room at the back.

“I guess it’s no use asking why you were late, huh?” Callie said as she paused to pull on a trauma gown by the doorway.

Arizona nearly smiled as she discarded her latex gloves from the ambulance and let a nurse gown and re-glove her as well. “Hell of a day,” she replied.

“He’s in v-fib,” Bailey said loudly as soon as the patient was hooked up to the cardiac monitor. She hurried to cut away the remnants of his shirt.

“Push one of epi and charge to 200,” Arizona ordered. She strode to the opposite side of the gurney from Callie and took the paddles that were handed over. “Clear.”

A single shock and no results. Arizona waited while they repeated the epi and atropine shots, then called for 260. Another shock and they had a rhythm.

Now that his chest was exposed, she squirted iodine on his ribcage and cut in for the chest tube. A gush of blood escaped the vacuum and ended up all over her shoes, but it restored equal pressure in his pleural cavity. At the same time, she noticed an abnormality in the chest wall. A quick examination confirmed her suspicions.

“Flail chest on his right; watch compressions if he goes down again,” she told the room.

“OR 2 is prepped and waiting,” a nurse said as she hung up the phone.

“Excellent.” Arizona looked at Callie. “How’s it looking, Torres?”

Callie glanced up from his legs. “He’ll need an EFD,” she confirmed – an external fixation device. “I should be able to take care of it while Bailey repairs the rest. There might be a crack in his pelvis but I don’t think it’s as bad as the rest. Nothing dislocated, which is surprising, considering.”

“Good. That’s really good.” Arizona switched to the other attending in the room. “Bailey, grab me the portable ultrasound.”

Bailey switched places with a resident and brought the machine over. Arizona rolled the wand across his flank, taking a few seconds to narrow in on what she was looking for.

“Splenic rupture,” she confirmed, spotting it on the monitor. “We need to get him in the OR right now.”

Callie looked up sharply, hesitant to question Arizona in front of the others. “Uh, Dr. Robbins, don’t you think you should…?”

Arizona spared her a brief glance, caught up in the flow of things, and passed the ultrasound back across the patient before moving the around to grab a table saw.

Callie bit her tongue as Arizona very carefully cut the helmet off of the boy, forging a precise incision down the middle before cracking both sides open and handing it off to a trauma nurse for disposal.

“Pupils equal and reactive,” Arizona confirmed, glad to see that hadn’t changed since the field. “Good thing you were wearing a helmet, Kevin.” She called for a shot of morphine and instructed the nurses on what to start in his IV.

Callie stepped closer and lowered her voice. “Arizona,” she spoke softly, waiting until she had the blonde’s attention before dropping her eyes down to her leg.

Arizona felt an immediate stab of annoyance, though it had less to do with Callie and more with the fact that she hated this whole situation. “I know, I know; Bailey can take care of this and I’ll page Teddy to meet her in the OR,” she said begrudgingly.

It wasn’t hard to see how much that pissed Arizona off, but to her credit, she didn’t try and fight their agreement. That pleased Callie, even if she felt awful for having to play the bad cop.

“Get ready to roll,” Bailey announced to the room while the three attendings flipped up the side rails.

Arizona triple checked that nothing was amiss before reluctantly stepping away. The residents swooped in and pushed the patient from the room.

Callie hung back in the doorway while the trauma team rushed out. “Are you okay?” she asked now that they were alone.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Arizona mumbled. She felt sweaty and gross, and was covered in various bodily fluids, but she would live. Hopefully they could say the same thing for Kevin in a couple of hours.

Callie offered her a tiny smile. “You totally kicked ass today, you know,” she said quietly. “You’ll be back in the OR in no time. I can feel it.”

Despite the mixed feelings over being left out of this case, the sentiment made Arizona return the smile. “Thanks, Callie. I’ll be okay, I promise.” She broke eye contact to start pulling off her gloves. “Go on. I’ll head to the gallery once I’ve cleaned myself up.”

Callie continued to hover. “Are you sure–”

“Calliope, _go_ ,” Arizona urged her girlfriend. “I will feel better knowing you’re in there with him. Send me an update whenever you get the chance.”

Finally, Callie nodded and backed out the door. “Okay. See you shortly.”

“Yeah, shortly,” Arizona echoed. She watched her disappear and suddenly found herself alone in the trauma room. Compared to moments before, it was deadly silent.

The whole thing was a mess; blood and various supplies littered every surface, including the floor. A clean-up crew had already arrived and were waiting outside the doorway for her to finish. Arizona didn’t budge just yet. It was the first time since witnessing the accident that she had actually been able to stand still and let the last forty-five minutes sink in.

Hell of a way to start the day.

Arizona methodically peeled off her scrub gown and gloves, stuffing them into the medical waste bin nearby, willing her heart rate to slow down. She traced a hand across her forehead and inhaled a deep breath, then looked down at the state she was in. Her newest pair of shoes were ruined, saturated through with blood from the chest tube, and she highly doubted her jeans would make it through the wash anything short of orange.

It didn’t matter how much she told herself that the bloody clothing was the cause of her frustration; at the heart of the matter Arizona knew she wanted to be in that OR more than anything. The fact that she was stuck out here sent a stab of resentment through her entire body, and with it an outward explosion of anger.

“Damn it,” Arizona snapped to the empty room, twisting around and kicking the plastic garbage bin as hard as she possibly could. The impact caused a sharp pain to shoot up her right leg, an unwanted reminder that no matter how much she wanted it, it was way too soon to be back in the OR. Her leg would never cope with a lengthy surgery at this stage. That just made her feel even worse.

Releasing a frustrated growl, Arizona looked down at her filthy clothes again and resigned herself to the fact that she needed a hot shower and a fresh pair of scrubs. Kevin had a team of world class surgeons by his side, headed by Callie and Bailey, so she took comfort in knowing he would be well taken care of – even if she wished more than anything that it was her in that OR instead.


End file.
